- Everything about camels.
- The Gods' brawl over who gets to carry the sun commented on as an overexcited rugby match or horse race.
It's noon! It's noon! Nooooon!..."Why are you yelling into a bulrush?"
- The amicable Ephebe and Tsort soldiers, who return to their respective sides... only to turn back and give each other embarrassed looks once they realize they went the opposite way.
- The Plague of Frog, described near the beginning of the book.
- It was quite a large frog.
- The sequence where Pteppic's Token Religious Teammate goes to "say his prayers" before bed and some of the other kids make fun of him, only for him to drag in a goat and conduct a rather elaborate sacrifice. This leads to increasingly more bizarre rituals from every student until the headmaster has to put his foot down. Sadly, none are the actual reason no student is allowed to keep a crocodile in his room.
- Dios has a persistent habit of calling Teppic "we" which leads to this gem:
Dios: It is time to raise the subject of our marriage.Teppic: Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think we'd be compatible, Dios.
- Teppic's dream is simultaneously a fairly realistic portrayal of a dream and absolutely hilarious: "Dios floated past his vision, explaining that as a result of an edict passed several thousand years ago it was essential that he marry a cat.[...]He saw seven fat cows and seven thin cows, one of them playing the trombone. But that was an old dream, he dreamt that one nearly every night".
- Dr. Cruces' speech about how killing for money is the only moral reason for killing is this, and possibly a rhetorical Crowning Moment of Awesome as well.