Episode 1 - It's Summer and We're Running Out of Ice
Looking Glass's Sarcasm Failure upon getting a little too detailed describing a crime scene.
Looking Glass: He threw a piece of lettuce in. I think it was Romaine.
Judd: Were there any croutons?
Looking Glass: Not that I could ascertain.
This gem from Looking Glass's interrogation of a suspect:
Looking Glass: If I were to defecate on the American flag, how would that make you feel?
Suspect: Defecate?
Looking Glass: Shit. If I were to take a shit on the American flag, how would that make you feel?
Suspect: ...Confused.
Veidt's exasperation when Mr. Phillips hands him a horseshoe to cut his cake with.
Episode 2 - Martial Feats of Comanche Horsemanship
During the second "anniversary" party, Veidt grows so impatient with his servants singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" that he makes them rush through the latter half of the song.
Then there is this exchange with the particularly dimwitted Mr. Phillips before the "Watchmaker's Son" performance.
Mr. Phillips: Oh sir — forgive me, but I shall require the watch I gifted you. As a prop.
Veidt: Oh. Has it ever occurred to you, Mr. Phillips, that you are the prop?
Mr. Phillips: Would you like for it to occur to me, sir?
Will: Can I have my pills please? Angela: Why don't you use your powers and float them on over? Will: ...Okay, fine. I'm not Doctor Manhattan. Angela: No shit.
Even better, later in the series we learn just how much Angela knows he can't be Doctor Manhattan, because she's actually married to him.
The Moths, which are basically reporters with mechanical wings.
Episode 3 - She Was Killed by Space Junk
Agent Laurie Blake is just a fountain of snark in her debut episode.
Laurie comes across Red Scare and Pirate Jenny as they rough up a Nixonville suspect:
Laurie: Sir, I'm with the FBI. Are your civil rights being violated?
Suspect: Yes ma'am! These people came into my place of business and they just grabbed me! They didn't read me my rights or—
Laurie uses Wade's reflective mask as a mirror as she tries to pick a random seed from her teeth. Then she twice refers to the pod as a "racist detector", despite Wade's repeated objections.
She carries around a giant Dr. Manhattan sex toy, along with an erotic picture of her and Jon. Guess that Tijuana Bible she gave her mother so much shit for doesn’t look so bad these days, huh?
Not to mention that, if she actually tried using it, "She Was Killed By Space Junk" could have been a pretty prophetic episode title.
Veidt has a quite OOC tantrum at the latest failure of his vacuum suit, kicking the frozen corpse to pieces while swearing up a storm.
Laurie, Angela, and Petey's incredibly uncomfortable conversation in Laurie's car as they drive over to the Millennium Clock.
Laurie noting the Contrived Coincidence of the return of Angela's car on the same night as Judd Crawford's funeral after it was stolen the night of Crawford's death, and remarks that she thinks that they're dealing with "a thermodynamic miracle."
Laurie: It's the sciencey version of "It's all connected, man!"
After getting prodded into it by Laurie, Petey awkwardly describes Agent Blake's Dark and Troubled Past with "Her dad tried to rape her mom."
While it's mostly horrifying, Veidt microwaving the fetuses from the pool of water in his prison on Europaafter he catches them using a lobster trap to age them up is just so profoundly bizarre that it's also kind of hilarious to watch.
Veidt's explanation to his two newest clones as to why his dining room is littered with the bloody corpses of the rest of the castle staff:
Oh, and how do they get rid of those aforementioned corpses? By launching them into the sky from a catapult.
Episode 5 - Little Fear of Lightning
Looking Glass coldly assesses a New York tourism ad. New York City has become so desperate for tourists in the decades after 11/2 that their proposed slogan is literally just "Come Back." Yikes.
Edging into Black Comedy as well is what takes place during the ad: Not the best thing in the world for a place that was mind-bombed by a giant squid to have the tagline "It's MIND-BLOWING" for a Broadway show....
This exchange after the extra-dimensional anxiety support group meeting:
Renee: I bet you're just as batshit as the rest of us. Wade: (musing) Bats do shit in tunnels.
When asked for a defense at his trial, Ozymandias offers one... out ofhis ass. HBO's description of the episode notes that he had a "stunning defense" of his past atrocities, which is... certainly one way of putting it.
The entire talk between Manhattan and Angela, who spends the entire conversation humoring who she thinks is a random lunatic speaking of time travel and creating life on Jupiter...then realizes he's for real.
When Doctor Manhattan meets up with Adrian Veidt in 2009, Veidt's base of Karnak in Antarctica is portrayed as being in shambles, with his wall of televisions half-broken (and still CRT!) and him not even bothering to put on shoes. It's darkly hilarious seeing the mastermind of the original Watchmen reduced to slumming it.
Veidt criticizing Jon for the Race Lift he's applied to himself. Just the mere concept of a "woke" Adrian Veidt is hilarious.
Veidt drily questioning Jon's new appearance with "So why is a blue man masquerading as a hu-man?"
Adrian and Jon reminisce on old times:
Veidt: How long has it been? Doctor Manhattan: For you: twenty-four years, forty-one days, and thirteen hours. For me it's happening— Veidt: Right now. Yes yes, I remember. So Jon, what am I saying to you twenty-four years, forty-one days, and thirteen hours ago? Doctor Manhattan: You've just attempted to destroy me. I'm telling you that I'm disappointed in you. Veidt:. ...Right. Sorry about that.
Angela's reaction to Manhattan walking on the water in their pool? "Get the fuck up off the pool!"
Will Reeves immediately closing the door in Cal's face after he tells him that he is Doctor Manhattan and he needs to talk to him about his granddaughter Angela.
Doctor Manhattan is in your house, making waffles by levitating all the ingredients. Watch the eggs!
After being fatally stabbed by a horseshoe, the Game Warden — who, as it turns out, is just as obsessed with servitude as the rest of the staff at the castle — eagerly asks Veidt if he performed well as a Worthy Opponent.
Veidt's entire interaction with the news vendor in Tulsa. He's visibly flustered when the vendor thinks he's just a regular person who looks like Veidt (even suggesting that he perform at birthday parties) and says that no one has cared about Veidt's disappearance in years — both of which no doubt wound Veidt's bottomless ego. And then there's this exchange:
News Vendor: I heard that one day he just walked into the jungle and never came back. He's living with the animals like Tarzan or some shit. [chuckles]
Veidt: That's absurd!
News Vendor: Oh yeah? What did you think happened to him?
Even when she is tied up and he is trying to rescue her, Laurie still insists on referring to Looking Glass as "Mirror Guy." She also later mocks Keene's “panties” right to his face.
Senator Keene's Motive Rant/Evil Gloating/New Era Speech as he explains how the Seventh Kalvary learned about Dr. Manhattan and the plan to steal his powers would be a dramatic moment...if not for the fact he was basically stripping as he did it. And then there's the way Jane Crawford appears soappreciative of the sight.
Notably, Laurie doesn't throw up when she's teleported twice, unlike what usually happened in the comic. Poor Wade, on the other hand...
Veidt is about to launch into a furious, megalomaniacal rant justifying himself and questioning the right of simpletons like Laurie and Wade to actually arrest him... So Wade simply smacks him from behind with a wrench, bringing both the speech and dramatic background music to an abrupt halt.
Wade:This guy talks too much. Laurie:(smirking) He surely fucking does. [Wade absentmindedly tosses the wrench over his shoulder as both he and Laurie drag away an unconscious Adrian]
Meta/Peteypedia
In her transcribed interrogation, Laurie lands a few zingers on FBI Agent Latimer, who repeatedly has trouble pronouncing her last name:
JUSPECZYK: Repeat after me. Juice. Like orange. Pez. Like the candy. Ick, like what the little girls said when the bottle spun to you.
Which is not at all how you would actually pronounce it in Polish (where the surname comes from); actual pronunciation would be closer to "yus-PET-chick". Then again, Laurie may also fail to be aware of this; after all, her mother tried to hide her Polish heritage and probably didn't expose Laurie to the language (if she herself knew it, anyway).
In this memo, Laurie reacts to the revelation that Angela's grandfather Will was Hooded Justice:
As Agent Petey has seen fit to parade the legacy of my dysfunctionally costumed parents here, I'm gonna say this before he does: it's pretty fucking strange that of all the people who could be responsible for offing Crawford, it would be the same guy who beat the shit out of my dad when he tried to rape my mom. The thermodynamic miracle strikes again, huh, Petey?
The movie that Sister Night took her hero persona from apparently also had this world's equivalent of the Shaft theme song, which is gloriously cheesy.
Howard Hughes is still alive and has become an expert on “life extension”. Howard Hughes is now an Expy of his own expy, Mr. House.
How on Earth did Laurie get that giant blue dildo? Dan made it for her to tell her to go fuck herself because she never got over Jon. Petey even included the blueprints in his files, showing Dan actually sunk his company’s resources in making Laurie the best dildo possible, which is so beyond over the top for dumping someone, and really fits his soft-hearted self. Even the rudest thing he’s done, he manages to include a present.
, Laurie lands a few zingers on FBI Agent Latimer, who repeatedly has trouble pronouncing her last name:JUSPECZYK: Repeat after me. Juice. Like orange. Pez. Like the candy. Ick, like what the little girls said when the bottle spun to you.