Funny / The Mighty Ducks

The Films

D1

  • The sheer joy of the judge and D.A. Gordon humiliated earlier when he comes to court on DUI charges.
    Judge Weathers: To think I almost stayed home this morning.
  • The kids mistaking Gordon for a drug dealer when they first meet him.
    "This is a drug-free zone!"
  • Goldberg misses the point of being a goalie.
    Goldberg: That puck almost hit me!
    Charlie: Goldberg, you're the goalie. It's SUPPOSED to hit you!
    Goldberg: Doesn't that sound stupid to anyone else!?
  • Gordon's first practice with the team:
    Averman: Just so you know, we really suck.
    Gordon: Hey, I'll decide who sucks around here.
    (cut to the all the kids tripping over each other during the face off)
    Gordon: (shaking his head) They really suck.
  • Gordon persuading his boss to sponsor the team:
    "Come on! We'll get you your own jersey!"
    * Ducksworth suddenly looks up*
  • The team protests being called "The Ducks:"
    Guy Germaine: They don't even have teeth!
    Gordon Bombay: Neither do hockey players.
  • This gem:
    Bombay: Karp, how many fingers am I holding up?
    Peter: He wouldn't know that anyway.
    Bombay: Shut up, Peter!
  • Bombay's training program for Goldberg in how to be a proper goalie. He literally ties him to the goalie net and instructs the other players to shoot a barrage of pucks at him.
    Goldberg: Nice drill, coach. Really, very cute. But, when are you going to work with me and goal?
    Bombay: ..... Goldberg, do you trust me?
    Goldberg: (Gilligan Cut to Goldberg being tied to the goalie net) My mother would not approve of this, coach! She'd like me to live for my bar mitzvah!
    Bombay: This IS your bar mitzvah, Goldberg! Today, you'll become a man! (skates to the other players with piles of pucks.)
    Goldberg: Coach! I think you got the ceremonies mixed up! It's more like a circumcision. Coach, will you come back here? What did I ever do to you, man!?
    Goldberg: Hey guys! Excuse me, guys, you gotta untie me now! Ha ha! Good joke! Very funny! ... I like it....... No joke! Come on, guys! (tries to skate forward while the goalie net was tied to him) Hey coach! Coach! Come on! Don't leave me hanging like this! Coach! Don't make me come after you, coach!
  • Bombay's training Fulton in how to skate. He and the team rollerblade through a mall. Fulton nearly panics when trying to skate without falling. He winds up rolling down a flight of stairs (miraculously not falling) and accidentally bumps an old woman into a fountain, which he hastely apologizes for.
  • Quite an unintentional one that borders on Fridge Logic, but at one point, Bombay's former coach, who serves as his antagonist of sorts in the first film, berates him for pulling a fast one on him, ending it with telling him that he wasn't even a has-been; he was a never-was. Words that mean a lot coming from someone who's been coaching Pee-Wee for 30 years and aimed at a high-powered attorney.
    • Well, check out the dramatic newspaper headlines about the hockey matches. Pee-Wee is Serious Business in this setting.
    • To be fair, it's not like coaching Pee-Wee hockey was his full time job. Who knows what Gordon's former coach could have been doing in his day-to-day life.
  • "Yes sir, Mr. Ducksworth! Thank you very much, Mr. Ducksworth! QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK, MR. DUCKSWORTH!"
  • After a Duck goal, McGill skates by and knocks over Tammy Duncan, which Fulton doesn't like:
    Fulton: I'm on, Coach. (gets off the bench and goes over to McGill)
    Announcer: (describing what's happening) ...He grabs McGill from behind...and throws him over the boards into the bench! Now he wants to pick a fight with the entire Hawks team. Fulton Reed has to be restrained by the referee.
    Referee: Game misconduct. You're out of here, son. (escorts him off the ice past the Ducks bench)
    Fulton: I'm off, Coach.
    Gordon: He barely touched him!

D2

  • In the beginning when Charlie was rounding up his teammates, some former Hawks players, still sore about losing to them, attempts to pull a revenge prank on them. Unfortunately for them, Fulton thwarts their plan. He pounds the three Hawk players before stripping them to their boxers and tying them to a tree.
  • An awkward conversation when the new players are introduced.
    Connie: (about Luis) He's a good-looking skater!
    Averman: Very good-looking! What do you think, Guy?
    Guy: Shut up, Averman! (knocks Averman down)
  • Mr. Tibbles getting accidentally beaned in the head by a ricocheting puck by Fulton.
    Ms. Mckay: (sees incoming puck) DUCK!
    Mr. Tibbles: Yes, that's right, they're the Ducks. (looks up and sees the puck before it clocks him in the head)
  • Gordon making Mr. Tibbles hand over his whistle.
    You can have it back at the end of the school term.
  • The scene where Goldberg, Ken, and Luis prank Dwayne where they make him unconsciously smear his entire face with whipped cream.
  • Russ Tyler heckling the Ducks is amazing.
    "Hey, Goldberg! I bet if that puck was a CHEESEBURGER, you'd stop it! Ha ha ha!"
  • Luis Mendoza's inability to stop once he gets into a fast run, resulting in painful crashes. To remedy this problem, Luis is instructed to skate towards a stack of soda cans and stop before knocking them over. He fails. Again. And again. And again.
  • Dwayne saving Connie from getting heavily body-checked by an Iceland player, by getting on the ice and lassoing him like a bull. He also gets sent to the penalty box for it.
    Announcer: What are they gonna call this penalty? Two minutes for roping? That's a new one on me!
  • The Rousing Speech by Bombay gets awkward near the end.
    Bombay: And just when you think they're about to break apart...
    Everyone: Ducks fly together!
    Mckay: And when the wind blows hard and the sky is black?
    Everyone: Ducks fly together!
    Dwayne: And when the roosters are crowing and the cows are spinnin' circles in the pasture?
    Everyone: ....................
    Bombay: ..... uh.... okay....
    Everyone: Ducks fly together!

The Animated Series

The First Face Off Pt. 1

  • While Nosedive is waiting for the others to get back from the mission to blow up Dragaunus' base. And decides to take matters into his own hands.
    Nosedive: Woohoo! Alright, Nosedive tower; here goes nothin'! (hits a random button, and the windshield wipers turn on, then makes buzzer noise) Wrong!
  • Klegghorn reading a headline about the Ducks foiling a bank heist, followed by the headline "Cop Angered By Headline" with a black and white photo of him scowling. Cut to Klegghorn making the exact same face.
  • Grin, trying to be all mystical and Obi-Wan-like while his hand is now sore.
    Grin: Pain is an illusion. An illusion that really, really, hurts.

A Traitor Among Us

  • Just about anytime Nosedive and Duke butt-heads over... Well... Anything is funny.

Take Me to Your Leader

  • Phil of all people trying to replace Wildwing on the team. The guys decide to give him a "crash-course" in the game of hockey.
    • And then replacing Wildwing with Guy Hebert in a duck costume, just as the former comes back. The Reveal makes the team do a complete 180 from "WTF Phil" to fannish squee.

Zap Attack

  • When Tania calls her human friend Dr. Huggarman, and gets his answering machine.
    "You have reached the Huggarman hotline; today's answer is... NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

Phil in the Blank

  • Poor Nosedive, after a nasty fall:
    Nosedive: Mommy, I don't wanna go to preschool.
  • Near the end of the episode:
    Phil: (Phil's phone rings and he answers) Hello?
    Wraith: Roast Duck.
    Phil: That doesn't work anymore.
    Wraith: I know; I'm... Ordering take-out.
    Phil: Oh great! In that case, give me the Mushu Pork; nah nah nah; give me the Mushu vegetable. I'm tryin' to lose a few pounds here.

Jurassic Puck

  • Duke, trying to fight with the Triceratops in a duel.
    • The really sad part? He actually thinks he's winning.

Duck Hard

  • I love Chameleon's reaction to the hologram of Siege; it's hilarious!
    Chameleon: Siege old buddy! We thought the ducks got you! (goes to hug him, but his arms only pass through air) Siege, you're a gggga you're a ggga GHOOOOOOST!!!"
    Siege: You nitwit; it's a hologram.

Power Play

  • Tai Quack Do's Ambiguously Jewish outbursts.
    "Oy; this kid's (Young Grim) as sharp as a sack of doorknobs! Meshugga; there ain't no sound! How can there be a game with only one team?! You gotta have two; two goalies, two centers, also refs, and the guy who hawks the popcorn."
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