Any time Rincewind proudly declares his own cowardice and/or uselessness.
"Luck is my middle name. Mind you, my first name is Bad."
And also proudly declaring that he is a Racist — the ten kilometre, the hundred metres, he ran them all. The narration goes on to say that when he learned the popular meaning of the word, he was quite surprised.
The wizards' attempts to explain sex to the God of Evolution.
Mrs. Whitlow, who finally takes over and explains it matter-of-factly. They can't actually hear what she's saying, but apparently there are hand gestures involved, prompting them to wonder if A.) Mrs. Whitlow is a widow, and B.) just what her husband died of.
Even more amusing if you recall that, back in Equal Rites, Mrs. Whitlow was introduced as having outlived four previous husbands.
Fights over who is going to bring Mrs. Whitlow a tray of food.
The wizards' ship has fallen apart, and they've barely made it to the next island. Before, when they were out in the sea, they saw the Bursar swimming away from them slightly, before remarking that they shouldn't worry, he always comes back. He does come back. On a wave. Standing up. Surfing. Ridcully and Ponder watch as he avoids death several times, and when he glides up on the beach, shoving the plank into the sand, what does he say...?
Bursar: Hooray. My feet are wet. What a lovely forest. It's time for tea.
Mad relating to Rincewind how he and his family traveled thousands of miles across shark-infested waters to Xxxx. "Why, if it weren't for the the dwarf bread we-" "Never would've clubbed the sharks to death?" "Ah, I see you know your breads."
The Archchancellor's Keys routine. Especially the overblown way it's done.
Rincewind and The Luggage's reunion.
Rincewind: Is that a stud? Have you had your lid pierced?
The Luggage backed away. It's manner indicated very clearly, that while it might given on the shoes, the dress and even the earrings, the battle over the stud would go to the finish.
Death asks his library for a book about the dangerous animals of Xxxx, and is buried in an avalanche of volumes. Then he asks for a list of the harmless animals there, and gets one piece of paper with the words "Some of the sheep".
Ponder, fed up with how the rest of the faculty is feuding over Mrs. Whitlow's attention, remarks, "You'd think she was the only woman in the world." To this, Ridcully replies that she just might be.
Ponder's mind raced and hit a speed bump.
"[Baby!Librarian] looked like he had seen something truly horrific, but this is a baby orangutan's natural expression and in any case he was looking at the Dean."
"I had this book when I was a little lad," said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. "It was about this man who was shipwrecked on an island such as this and he thought he was all alone and then one day he found a footprint in the sand. There was a woodcut," he added.
"One footprint?" said the Dean, sitting up, clutching his head.
"Well...yes, and when he saw it he knew that he -"
"-was alone on an island with a crazed one-legged long-jump champion?" said the Dean. He was feeling testy.
Ridcully's Brain Bleach reaction to learning how much sex is involved in everyday things.
"I used to like walking through the woods on a nice spring morning, Stibbons. You're telling me the trees were at it like knives the whole time?!"