Funny / The Kane Chronicles

In General

  • Like in Percy Jackson and the Olympians by the same author, the chapter titles often only make sense in context. But they're nearly always hilarious out of it.
    • Highlights from ToF: "We tame a Seven-Thousand-Pound Hummingbird", "The Ice Cream Man Plots Our Death", "The Revenge of Bullwinkle the Moose God", and "We Visit the House of the Helpful Hippo".
      • How about "Camels Are Evil..." and "...But Not As Evil As Romans"
      • "Major Delays at Waterloo Station (We Apologise for the Giant Baboon)"
      • "Men Asking For Directions and Other Signs of the Apocalypse"
  • Carter and Sadie squabbling over the mic, and the occasional mention of what's going on while they're recording. Doubly funny if you're listening to the audiobook version.
  • Anything involving this phrase: "The five elements are fire, air, earth, water, and cheese"

    open/close all folders 
    The Red Pyramid 
  • Sadie named her cat Muffins.
  • Carter and Sadie come face to face with the Rosetta Stone.
    Carter: The Rosetta Stone.
    Sadie: Isn't that a computer program?
  • Julius telling his children to zip-tie the professor's door. Sadie is all for it.
  • The two siblings find out that Khufu only eats things that end with 'o'.
    • Sadie uses this to her advantage and gives the baboon Cheerios as a bribe.
  • Doughboy. That's it.
  • How does Bast justify stealing a car?
    Bast: My dear, I am a cat. Everything I see is mine.
  • Sadie's first encounter with Anubis has these thoughts rushing through her head.
    Sadie: I tried to think of something to say. Excuse me? Hello? Marry me?
  • Zia showing the siblings the temporary tattoos they'd need to get on their tongues to make spell-casting easier. However, because her tongue is stuck-out to show them, she realizes how slurred her words become.
    "Nith ith Natt" (This is Ma'at)
  • During their training session, Carter writes the hieroglyph for bird, and his creation poops on his head.
    • He then tries to summon a sword, but ends up with a butter knife.
    Sadie: Terrifying.
    • Sadie writes the word for fire, but ends up creating a huge column of it, and singing Zia's eyebrows off.
  • During their duel, after summoning fire for the first time and nearly passing out, Carter asks if Sadie passed out if that meant he won by default.
  • Basts' war cry, "Mange des muffins!" (Eat muffins)
  • "Somebody get a can opener, I've got a god stuck in my head!
    • "Wait! I cut your head off?" (Carter) "I got better." (Isis)
  • Carter wonders what kind of goddess except for chewing gum would want Sadie as their host.
  • Desjardin's home is on "Pyramid Road", and Carter snarks that the magician probably couldn't find "Stupid Evil Magician's Street".
    • Bast warns them that the house was probably enchanted with traps, and Carter imagines a spray can labeled, God-Away.
  • Carter's obituary.
    "Carter Kane, 14, died tragically in Paris when he was eaten by his sister's cat, Muffin."
    • In his bird form, he momentarily gets distracted by a mouse he spies on the ground.
    • Later on, the siblings find out Sadie can't transform out of her kite form, much to Carter's delight.
  • Carter ordering Doughboy to help him find the Book of Thoth, but ends up with a scroll that summons fruit bats.
  • Sadie meeting Nut for the first time. Nut tells the girl she's well aware of all the jokes that her name can be used for.
    • They run into the same problem with Shu.
    • Sadie tries to get Nut to tell her about her handsome doorman (Anubis), but the goddess sidesteps the question.
  • Bast name being "Aunt Kitty".
  • Carter fights the Set Animal he dubbed Leeroy, and a little girl calls him chicken man. Furthermore, thanks to the power of suggestion, all of the mortals in the airport think that he's fighting a moose.
    Girl: Chicken Man, get the moose!
  • Khufu challenging Carter to a game of basketball with his baboon friends. Long story short, Carter sucks at basketball, and Sadie comments that while she doesn't know a lot about the game, she's certain you don't slip on your shoes.
  • Thoth realizing that he was in fact, not in Memphis, Egypt. Khufu gives a look that says, "Duh".
  • Thoth's other name, Djehuti. (Pronounced: Ja-hooty), and Sadie's hilarious cracks at it.
    Sadie: We had a deal, Ja-hooty!
    Thoth: You know, I like that name, but not so much when you say it.
  • Sadie admitting to Thoth she has no idea what's going on, and Thoth believes her, stating that Isis would never admit to not knowing anything. Sadie has to mentally clamp a hand over the goddess' mouth.
  • Horus suggests they kill Thoth. Carter declines, leading to Horus suggesting they kill the guitar instead.
  • Sadie getting Shezmu's secret name.
    Sadie: And so your friends call you what... Shezzy? Bloodsiekins?
    Shezmu: I have no friends! But if I did they would call me Slaughterer of Souls, Fierce of Face! But I don't have any friends, so my name is not in danger! Ha ha ha!
    [Later]
    Shezmu: GAAAAHHHH! How do they always know?
  • Bast warning the siblings that she wasn't particularly brave, and after Anubis (in jackal form) tackles her, she immediately flees the scene.
    • Anubis reveals his human form, and when he tells them that he wasn't a dog, Sadie's first thought was that he was "delicious".
  • Sadie getting tongue-tied around Anubis.
    • Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight, when Sadie calls Anubis "death boy". Will Solace calls Nico di Angelo this in "Blood of Olympus". Guess that's one thing these two have in common, especially coming from their love interest.
  • Anubis giving the feather of Ma'at to Sadie and saying that she cannot lie while holding it. When he asks if she was ready, she immediately replies, "No".
    • Since he was going to ask her three questions, he took her first answer as one on a technicality.
  • This one appeals to myth experts: Anubis threatens Sadie with the still-to-be-invented mouth closer ritual.
  • Anubis teasing Sadie to catch him up on modern courtship rituals before vanishing.
    Sadie: He's horrible! Self-important, sarcastic, incredibly hot, insufferable-
  • Horus telling Carter to wish him a happy birthday.
    Carter: Happy birthday! Now, shut up!
  • Sekhmet chasing the group.
    Carter: (internal thoughts) She's almost as annoying as you.
    Horus: Impossible. No one bests Horus.
    • Also, Sekhmet's more gentle form? A cow.
  • Sadie meets Anubis back in the Land of the Dead, and thinks that he either just came back from a funeral, or "possibly a convention for really gorgeous undertakers."
  • Set taking Sadie's lists of his negative characteristics as a genuine compliment.
    You're making me blush.
  • Carter comments that Anubis' all black clothes looked like he had just mugged a priest.
  • Ammit growls at Sadie and she responds in turn with a growl of her own. This silences the monster, and its left confused.
  • Carter's mom telling him how much he's changed, from shaving to dating girls. Carter gives a well placed, Amazingly Embarrassing Parents "Mom!".
  • Carter confirming to Sadie that he saw Anubis as a guy and not with the head of a jackal. As he watches her skip off giddily, he sums it up to her just being strange.

    The Throne of Fire 
  • "Oh noes, vegetables!"
    • Said by king-of-all-gods Ra, no less.
  • One word: Penguins.
    • "Penguin in the fireplace if anyone's interested."
    • Expanding on that, anything Felix does or says is funny to some degree.
    Felix: Yes! I found my path. I'm supposed to follow the god of ice!
    Carter: There's a god of ice? Egypt is a desert. Who's the ice god?
    Felix: I have no idea!
  • Camels are evil...
  • Ptah explaining how words can get him into trouble.
    Ptah: "Once, just for fun, I made up the word platypus and..." instantly a duck billed furry thing appeared on the floor scrabbling around in a panic "Oh dear, yes that's exactly what happened."
    • Sadie even wonders when she first finds his name if he was the god of spit.
  • Set's introduction in Throne of Fire. Apparently, he likes the name "Rockin' Red Reaper" better than "Evil Day". Then again who wouldn't?
  • In the audiobook version, Carter's "I don't think I could've been more surprised if Bes had said 'By the way, you're leaning against a hydrogen bomb'" because the latter is said in Bes's voice.
  • The graphic novel is worth a look just to see Bes and his "ugly outfit."

    The Serpent's Shadow 
  • Shelby is both adorable and hilarious beating the enemy magicians on the butt with her wand and chanting 'Die, die'.
  • The interactions between Drew and Sadie are this and awesome.
  • "Sadie, please do not call the Destroyer of Souls 'poochiekins'."
  • The return of Hindenburg the camel. "If you're confused think how the criosphynx felt."
  • Carter's narration about Sadie's attempts in crafting magical statues:
    My sister had no talent for crafting magical statues. That didn't stop her from trying. She'd gotten this harebrained idea that she could create the perfect shabti to be her avatar, speak with her voice, and do all her chores like a remote-controlled robot. All her previous attempts had exploded or gone haywire, terrorizing Khufu and the initiates. Last week she'd created a magical Thermos with googly eyes that levitated around the room, yelling, “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” until it smacked me in the head.
    • That one could not be a more obvious Shout-Out to Doctor Who...
    • Clearly Sadie is a huge fan, because who else could she be channeling when she tricks the goddess Neith into believing in a jelly baby conspiracy in a display of rapid fire stories half-remembered from a past encounter with her grandfather's veteran friend in the spur of a moment, while deviously scribbling down the glyph for a protection barrier as the sun slowly set towards their victory?
  • The chapter where Amos/Set is fighting with Sarah Jacobi. Sadie rushes in to help her uncle, only to be nearly killed by Jacobi, and then Walt/Anubis steps in and takes care of her. The words exchanged between Set and Anubis is just lulzy:
    Set: "That's my boy!"
    Anubis: "Shut up, Father."


http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/TheKaneChronicles