Funny: The Fugitive

The movie

  • Gerard loves picking on Newman.
    Gerard: Newman, what are you doing?
    Newman: I'm thinking.
    Gerard: Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate doughnut with some of those little sprinkles on top, will you? While you're thinking?
    • Though he does praise him near the end, after Newman gets a lead:
    Gerard: And don't let them give you any shit about your ponytail!
  • In the midst of escaping the county jail, Kimble gets a bit of a lead on Gerard and pulls a Bavarian Fire Drill - he tells some Chicago police officers that he just saw a man waving a gun and screaming. When Gerard comes running around the corner, screaming "STOP THAT MAN!", the officers do exactly what they're trained to do—and restrain him.
  • Biggs asks on St. Patrick's Day, observing the Chicago River, "If they can dye this river green today, then why can't they dye it blue the other 364 days of the year?"
  • Gerard and Biggs arguing over the meaning of the word "hinky".
  • Never argue with the 'Big Dog' people! (Cue Biggs imitating a happy dog barking in approval)
    • Immediately comes back to bite him when he doesn't believe that one of his team mates heard an elevated train in a recording, which leads to them discovering that Kimble has returned to Chicago.
    Biggs: Oh yeah, Big Dog, you're never wrong.
  • "Sammy, when I die I wanna come back just like you." "Oh you mean happy and handsome?"
    • Suuuuure
  • Cosmo as he's being wheeled out on a gurney at the end after being hit in the face by a swinging I-beam: "I want you to tell Inspector Gerard that I'm going home now, I'm taking my vacation..."
  • This bit with Gerard on the phone with his superiors after shooting Copeland:
    Gerard: "What can I tell you, sir? Mr. Copeland was a very bad man; he was gonna kill one of my kids...Well sir, you can blame me, I mean I'm the one that shot him."
  • Gerard during one of his 'it ain't over 'til it's over' moments
    Trooper: Only one person in a million could survive that fall. The guy is fish food!
    Gerard: Ok, get a cane pole, go catch the fish that ate him.
    • And another one
    Trooper: The guy is dead!
    Gerard: That ought to make him easy to catch!
  • When the Marshals track down Copeland and burst into his hideout, his girlfriend starts screaming incessantly. After Gerard kills Copeland, she starts screaming again, only for Gerard to say "Shut up." in the dullest, most annoyed tone he can muster.