Funny / Tales of Dunk and Egg

"The Hedge Knight"

• Knight Errant Dunk looks nothing like a traditional knight and this leads to a memorable first meeting with a sassy young lad at a inn actually Prince Aegon Targaryen:
  Dunk: I’ll want my palfrey rubbed down. And oats for all three. Can you tend to them?
  Boy: I could. If I wanted.
  Dunk: I’ll have none of that. I am a knight, I’ll have you know.
  Boy: You don’t look to be a knight.
  Dunk: Do all knights look the same?
  Boy: No, but they don’t look like you, either.
• Prince Daeron the Drunkard comes up with quite a droll description of his vicious, sadistic brother Aerion:
  Daeron: Aerion's quite the monster. He thinks he's a dragon in human form, you know. That's why he was so wroth at that puppet show. A pity he wasn't born a Fossoway, then he'd think himself an apple and we'd all be a deal safer, but there you are.
• Good, noble Baelor Breakspear shows that he is also a Combat Pragmatist offering to fight three members of the Kingsguard himself defending Dunk during his Trial of Seven not out of a false sense of bravado but because as a member of the royal family the Kingsguard is sworn not to harm him and he can attack them all he wants and they can't fight back.

"The Sworn Sword"

• It's hard not to chuckle at Ser Eustace Osgrey's comically pathetic status as Impoverished Patrician. First, his seat Standfast is only one tiny towerhouse that's called "castle" for courtesy's sake. Its roof is designed to look like a castle's roof so it will look like a castle from afar. Then, his ever-lasting complaint about Glory Days to the point that you can't help but agree to Ser Bennis who keeps addressing him as Ser Useless. By the time his past involvement as Blackfyre rebel is revealed, you (and Dunk) realize that his incessant complaint about the stream is baseless because it really belongs to House Webber legally after Daeron II pardoned him with Cruel Mercy by granting the stream to House Webber, so Ser Eustace basically brought this problem upon himself. Then he kept insisting to declare war against Lady Webber and told Dunk to draft able-bodied men from his village to form an army. Eventually, there are only 8 peasant men that pass drilling and training so Dunk decided it's useless anyway and dismissed them all and told them to go home. When they actually confront Lady Webber, they see that she has an actual well-equipped army and a heavily-armored knight among them. Imagine if Ser Eustace actually fought them with his 8-man army, the battle would finish within seconds.
• One-Steve Limit is averted, with Eustace's militia having three different members (out of only 8 in total) all called Wat. Egg then suggests that they use surnames... Which commoners don't have. They next try to refer to them by the name of their village of origin... Only to find that villages are so small that they don't have names either, so they decide to use the names of crops those villages produce (ending with Barley, Corn and Beans). Only to find out two of the Wats are brothers, thus coming from the same village (apparently, their mother liked the name and it is easy to remember). All this before they even begin actually training.
• The reason they ended up with only 8 recruits in total? Some are too old (as in, decades too old and barely able to walk), some are too young and one of them turns out to be a girl on second, slightly closer inspection.

"The Mystery Knight"

• John the Fiddler aka Daemon II Blackfyre and his blatant attraction to Dunk:
  John to Lord Cockshaw: Look at the size of him. We want strong men.
  • And later:
  John the Fiddler: Where are you going, ser?
  Dunk: To my bed, to sleep. I’m drunk as a dog.
  John the Fiddler: Be my dog, ser. The night’s alive with promise. We can howl together, and wake the very gods.
• When Dunk sits down with a group of hedge knights, they quickly begin discussing politics. Glendon Ball and Kyle the Cat launch into impassioned speeches about how Bloodraven and the current crop of Targaryens are ruining the realm, Bloodraven and Maekar are probably going to murder their brothers, how Daemon I was the better king, and that things would be better if Bittersteel just invaded already. They argue this in front of Maynard Plumm, who is strongly implied to be Bloodraven in disguise. For his part, Plumm seems rather unpeturbed about the whole thing, only shrugging and offering some polite counterpoints.
• During the wedding feast, someone dedicates a toast to Bloodraven, but Ser Glendon simply pours out his wine. Maynard Plumm simply says "A sad waste of good wine."
• After Dunk dryly remarks that they'd all be bastards of Aegon if all the stories about him were true, Plumm immediately quips, "And who's to say that we're not?"
• After he failed to gain supporters, Daemon II Blackfyre begins his 1-man rebellion by challenging Bloodraven for single combat. Bloodraven's response? Arresting him.

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