"Oh no, not at all. A sword-swallower through and through."
—Olenna Tyrell, The Queen of Thorns
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1 - Winter is Coming
The first line that King Robert says to his old friend Eddard Stark, after not having seen him for years:
You got fat.
Ned's reaction to this does not only amount to "I beg your pardon?" but "Look who's talking!" with just a quick glance and raised eyebrows. And you can see Ned struggling not to crack up, which both he and Robert promptly do a few seconds later.
Jaime talking about Robert "fucking boars and hunting whores, or is it the other way around?"
Almost every single Stark and Lannister is not only drinking heavily in an attempt to get through the coming feast without punching someone in the face, but also cheerfully admitting to their opposite numbers that that's what they're doing.
When the royal party arrives at Winterfell and Robb catches Sansa making eyes with Joffrey, he gives a subtle Death Glare combined with a What Does She See in Him? in Joffrey's direction.
Catelyn asks Sansa where Arya is and gets a tiny shrug and "how the hell should I know?" look in response. Sansa clearly couldn't care less.
Tyrion says he'll be too busy fucking his way through several whores to go to dinner. What does Jaime do? Bring in 4 more so his brother will be done in time to keep him company. And comes this hilarious line.
Tyrion:[As Jamie is leaving while Tyrion is being smothered by the whores] Close the door! [Jamie doesn't]
At the feast, Sansa and Jeyne are giggling and checking out Joffrey, and a bored Arya starts flicking food at her. Robb cracks up, until his mother gives him a pointed look, and then he hastily carries Arya off to bed.
"Dothraki weddings without at least 3 deaths are considered a dull affair."
The first time Viserys drops the F-bomb. It's shockingly funny because 1) it's in a medieval fantasy setting where you don't expect it (maybe from earthy types like Robert but not from evil princes) and 2) he says it in a soft, tender way to his innocent sister even though what he's describing is something horrible.
2 - The Kingsroad
Joffrey saying he won't talk to Catelyn because he "can't stand the wailing of women." He looks at the Hound all "amirite, bro?" and the Hound, suffice it to say, does not respond with a high-five.
Tyrion repeatedly slapping◊ Joffrey across the face for not showing sympathy to the Starks over Bran's fall, while Joffrey's bodyguard Sandor Clegane just stands there, uncaring.
After Joffrey has stormed off, the Hound warns Tyrion that Joffrey won't forget getting slapped around. Tyrion shrugs it off, basically saying that if Joffrey does forget, for the Hound to be a "good dog and remind him."
Arya trying to show Jon her direwolf (Nymeria) helping her pack.
Arya: Jon, watch this. Nymeria! Gloves!
Arya:[Indignantly] Shut up. [Clears throat and speaks firmly and clearly] Nymeria! Gloves!
Nymeria:[Tilts head and looks at Arya quizzically]
Robert Baratheon gave this little gem when he hears about Joffrey and Arya's fight.
Baratheon: You let that little girl disarm you?
Jaime responds to Cersei asking about what would happen if Robert found out about their relationship, Jaime replies, "I'll go to war with him if it comes to that. Maybe they'll write a song about us: The War for Cersei's Cunt. Cersei slaps him once... and then when Jaime tries to talk, she slaps him a second time, perhaps giving an indication of where Tyrion picked up the habit.
3 - Lord Snow
Jorah and Rakharo have a friendly conversation comparing Dothraki and Westerosi weapons, which moves on to a discussion of their parents. Jorah remarks that he betrayed his father, a man of great honor. Rakharo's resulting facial expression is priceless.
In the previous epsiode, Tyrion said he wanted to stand atop the Wall and "piss off of the edge of the world". Guess what happens in this one?
In his first appearance, Littlefinger is quickly established as amusingly slimy and gets slapped by Catelyn and chokeslammed by Ned for it. After the latter happens, he gets a great Shakespearean villain aside where he comments, "The Starks - quick tempers and slow minds..."
A small one; when Rhakharo asks Dany if she wants him to take off Viserys's ear to teach him respect, Dany says no and that she doesn't want her brother harmed. Irri translates this for Rhakharo, and he basically gives her a look that screams 'Say what?' She in turn gives him the tiniest shrug that clearly says 'Yeah, I know, I don't get it either.' Meanwhile Viserys is still lying on the ground being choked.
Littlefinger is very pleased to see Catelyn when she arrives at the brothel he owns, but she makes her displeasure at being escorted to such a place very clear. As he's trying to find words to defend himself two topless whores saunter into the room, and he makes frantic gestures for them to get out again; it's probably the only time (apart from when Ned's chokeslamming him) that we see the man flustered.
Ned choking Littlefinger. The fact that it comes out of nowhere and Littlefinger's eyes bug out make seeing the Manipulative Bastard be caught off guard extremely satisfying.
When Dany's maid is trying to find something other than horse for her to eat now she's pregnant, Jorah cuts into her suggestions with an utterly deadpan "I don't think she wants to eat dog."
Hearing King Robert roar "YOU SMELL LIKE BLACKBERRY JAM!" (at a prostitute he's with) from inside a bedchamber.
Grenn's overacting when he gets Sam to hit him. "I yield! I yield!"
Jon bares his soul to Samwell about being unable to sleep with a prostitute at the thought of fathering a bastard of his own. Samwell's response: "So... you didn't know where to put it!"
King Robert Baratheon becoming impatient during the tourney.
Robert: We've been sittin' here for days! START THE DAMN JOUST BEFORE I PISS MESELF!
5 - The Wolf and the Lion
Tyrion and Bronn having a little conversation on the defenses of the Eyrie, hinting at a beautiful friendship to come.
Tyrion: They say it's impregnable.
Bronn: Give me ten good men and some climbing spikes and I'll impregnate the bitch.
Tyrion: ... I like you.
Bronn sees that Tyrion has killed one of the marauders that attacked Catelyn's party, and brings up the fact that you always need a woman after a kill. Tyrion looks over at Catelyn (who is out of earshot) and comments, "I'm willing if she is."
Littlefinger and Renly at the tournament. You can almost suspect Littlefinger of intentionally losing the bet just to have a chance to say it.
Renly: "Such a shame. It would have been so nice for you to have a friend."
Littlefinger: "And when will you be "having" your friend?"
Even better, throughout the conversation as Lysa becomes more overtly crazy, Catelyn and Tyrion keep exchanging "what is this I don't even" glances with each other.
Arya's exasperation at being repeatedly mistaken for a boy.
Catelyn takes Tyrion prisoner for the attempt on Bran's life and drags him to her sister's domain to stand trial. When they get there, Lady Arryn accuses him of being involved with Jon Arryn's death as well. Tyrion's response?
When Loras proclaims Sandor Clegane the winner of the jousting, and the crowd is cheering, the Hound gives everybody an adorably awkward little nod, like he's not sure how he's supposed to behave in such situation.
A brief moment of dark humor in an otherwise dramatic scene during Robert's conversation with Cersei.
Robert: We haven't had a real fight in nine years. Backstabbing doesn't prepare you for a fight and that's all the realm is now. Backstabbing and scheming and arselicking and money grubbing. Sometimes I don't know what holds it together.
"...into the turtle stew, which my sister ate. At least, I hope she did." And everyone's reactions to that as well.
After Catelyn reminds Tyrion that he stands accused of conspiracy to murder both Jon Arryn and Bran Stark, Tyrion replies with hilariously perfect cherubic innocence "Oh I'm very sorry. I don't know anything about all that."
Tyrion channeling Basil Fawlty while trying to explain the concept of notional debt to the dimwitted Mord. "Sometimes possession is an abstract concept—" *thunk*
Tyrion, having spent half an episode's worth trying to tell Mord he has gold to pay with, and getting whacked with a cudgel for his efforts, eventually gets a foothold with Mord knowing the phrase "rich as a Lannister". Nothing quite matches the pained look on Tyrion's face as he tells Mord, not believing himself for a second, "You're a... Smart... Man."
Syrio explaining to Arya that fighting doesn't happen when you're "dancing in the field with your dolls and kittens" and Arya indignantly insisting that she does not like dolls and kittens.
There's one truly hilarious moment in the otherwise dark hunting scene before Robert is killed. The king is loudly re-living the good old days, boasting about how he's slept with eight girls, one from each of the Seven Kingdoms and one from the Riverlands, and how you're not a real man unless you've "made the eight". He's really rubbing it in Renly's face, and Barristan Selmy and Lancel are getting more and more uncomfortable. Renly finally snaps and calls into question the so-called nobility of the old days. He then flounces off, leaving behind the most awkward silence imaginable. Lancel's response?
Lancel: More wine, Your Grace?
Jorah confronts Viserys as he attempts to steal the three dragon eggs from his sister.
Viserys: If I sell one egg, I'll have enough to buy a ship. Two eggs, a ship and an army.
Jorah: And you have all three.
Viserys: I need a large army.
7 - You Win or You Die
Maester Aemon's utterly serious warning to a new steward about his assigned master: "Make no comment about his nose."
After Jon Snow is appointed a steward:
Jon Snow: "I just, I always wanted to be a ranger."
Samwell: "I always wanted to be a wizard.
As Littlefinger instructs Ros and Amerca on how to properly pleasure a man including faking their own pleasure, he launches into a Motive Rant, interrupted by him casually tossing out "play with her arse" and then continuing on without breaking stride.
8 - The Pointy End
Cersei's reaction when Sansa says she'll be a good, trustworthy queen just like her.
"Your meat.... is bloody tough!"
The second time Robb speaks in a deadly calm tone to the Greatjon, the Greatjon backs down. It may be an editing error, but it sounds like Grey Wind makes a faintly disappointed noise. I guess he's tasty.
When Tyrion is asked how he'd like to die, he responds "At the age of 80, in bed, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock."
Tyrion is introducing his traveling companions to his father in the usual manner ([insert name] son of [insert name] ), when he gets to Bronn and realizes he doesn't know his father's name:
Shagga's earnest nod of agreement when Tyrion finishes his Catch Phrase for him.
Shagga, son of Dolf: "Shagga, son of Dolf, will chop off your manhood — "
Tyrion: " — and feed it to the goats, yes."
Tyrion introducing his "unwashed" allies to Tywin, whose poker face and unamused stance resembles a father who is meeting the completely inadequate suitor of his daughter. Bronn then ices the cake when he subverts the whole I Am X, Son of Y thing.
Barristan Selmy quitting the Kings Guard.
Barristan: (strips his cape and gloves) I am a knight. I shall die a knight!
Littlefinger: A naked knight, apparently.
9 - Baelor
Tyrion inventing "I Never", and Shae kicking his ass at it.
Tyrion: "It's fun! Look at all the fun we're having!"
Bronn's suggestion of a game:
Bronn: "There's a Braavosi knife game I could teach you."
Tyrion: "Does it involve the potential for losing fingers?"
Tyrion gives a Rousing Speech to the hill tribes and they run off to battle... and then one of the tribesmen accidentally hits Tyrion in the head with a war hammer, knocking him out cold.
Bronn: You're a shit warrior.
Bronn's advice to Tyrion before the battle: "Stay low."
Tyrion:(incredulous) "Stay low"?
When Tyrion meets Shae, he asks "what kind of accent that is". Her answer? "Foreign." Tyrion's face after she says it is priceless.
Catelyn and Robb's discussion of his being betrothed to one of Walder Frey's daughters. Specifically when Robb asks for his mother's assessment of Lord Frey's daughters and she says, "One was..." and trails off, clearly unable to think of anything complimentary that wasn't a bald-faced lie. Well, Theon found it hilarious, at least.
Varys: I must be one of the few men in this city who doesnít want to be King. Petyr: You must be one of the few men in this city who isnít a man. Varys: Tsk. You can do better than that. Petyr: When they castrated you, did they take the pillar with the stones? Iíve always wondered. Varys: Have you? Do you spend a lot of time wondering whatís between my legs? Petyr: I picture a gash like a womanís. Is that about right? Varys: I am flattered, of course, to be pictured at all. Petyr: Must be strange for you, even after all these years a man from another land, despised by most, feared by all. Varys: Am I? That is good to know. Do you lie awake at night fearing my gash?
Lancel, Cersei's newest lover, thinking that she actually wants political advice from him and while she sees him as little more than a boytoy/Jaime substitute.
Yoren's warnings to Arya as he takes her away to a pack of prisoners bound to join the Night's Watch are funny in a morbid sort of way, especially the last part.
"Half of them would turn you over to the king quick as spit for a pardon, and the other half would do the same except they'd rape ya first. So keep to yourself, and when you piss, do it in the woods, alone."
When Jaimie admits to Catelyn that he pushed Bran off the window and she asks why, his delivery of the line: "I...hoped the fall would kill him." is hilarious (in a dark way).
When the Northern lords are arguing which King they should pick in the war, one of them shouts "Renly is not right!" apropos to nothing. The show creators underline this in the commentary track, and say it was an ad-lib which they kept as a joke because of its ridiculousness.
1 - The North Remembers
Cersei and Littlefinger's verbal pissing contest, where they both passive-aggressively tell each other that they know each other's secrets, and then to one-up him Cersei has her guards seize him and order them to cut this throat, but then changes her mind, has the guards turn around, step forward and back and close their eyes, all to tell Littlefinger that while he has the knowledge, she has the power.
The "Warrior of Light" ceremony, in that it centers around Stannis, who has "this has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life" written all over his face.
Melisandre: For the night is dark and full of terrors.
(paaaaause, and then Melisandre gives Stannis a look)
Stannis: [unenthusiastically] For the night is dark and full of terror.
It really is a wonderfully hilarious Establishing Character Moment. Not only does he flub his half of the motto, he starts to trudge off before remembering his wife. He makes this awkward gesture to her, then trudges off without her anyway. Next scene, we get to see him dictatea letter.
Tyrion's left field comment about Cersei's only redeeming qualities being her love for her kids... and her cheekbones.
Ros bossing around other whores with the exact same lines Littlefinger gave to her the previous season.
Stannis refusing to refer to Robert as his beloved brother in a letter because, as he points out, he didn't love him; and Davos's tiny "Oh my gods" look.
On the other hand he insists that Jaime (whom he's accusing of committing incest and adultery with king's wife) is called Ser Jaime the Kingslayer, because, well, he is a knight.
Daenerys' posthumous Take That to her late brother: "My brother didn't know anything about dragons." beat "He didn't know anything about anything."
Tyrion's entire arrival in King's Landing: subtly mocking Joffrey to his face before walking away followed by a bunch of hill tribesman, and thoroughly pissing off Cersei by springing on her during a small council meeting that Tywin appointed him acting Hand. Particular mention to his outraged reaction to learning that they only have one Stark left to bargain with.
Tyrion: Beloved nephew. We looked for you on the battlefield, but you were nowhere to be found. Joffrey: Er, I've been here, ruling the kingdoms. Tyrion: And what a fine job you have done!
Sam hitching a ride on Grenn's sledge, to which Grenn says that he "killed" it.
Seeing Joffrey gets slapped again is more than satisfying, but the one doing it makes it even better: his own mom. His face right after is absolutely hilarious.
Craster to Jon Snow: "You're prettier than half my daughters." It's funny because it's true.
2 - The Night Lands
Tyrion inquiring about Bronn's boundaries:
Tyrion: If I told you to murder an infant girl, say, still at her mother's breast, would you do it without question?
Sallador Saan's first scene, in which he agrees to help Davos and Stannis in their assault on King's Landing with his pirate fleet on the condition that he'd get to plunder the city and "fuck the blonde queen Cersei and fuck her well":
Mathos (eyes wide in complete disbelief): This war isn't about you! We're not attacking King's Landing so you can rape the queen! Saan: I'm not going to rape her! I'm going to fuck her! Mathos: As if she would just let you? Saan: You don't know how persuasive I am: I've never tried to fuck you. ** And Mathos jumping back a foot every time Saan goes near him after this comment.
And Davos, his father, laughing at him about it.
Saan (when Mathos starts preaching about the Lord of Light): The one true god is what's between a woman's legs, and better yet a queen's legs.
Saan (to Davos): You Westerosi are funny people, man chops off your fingers and you fall in love with him!
The whole argument between the 'lads' about whether having armour on makes a fight a battle and a man a knight. Here's a hint from Gendry; it doesn't in either case. How does he know. "Because I sold armour."
A lot of the dialogue between Arya and Gendry in "The Night Lands":
Gendry: You know you shouldn't insult people who are bigger than you. Arya: Then I wouldn't get to insult anyone.
Maisie Williams' utterly deadpan and despondent delivery of this line makes this scene hilarious.
Gendry is shocked to realize he's been pissing in front of a highborn lady.
Gendry: I should be calling you milady! Arya: Do not call me milady! Gendry: As milady commands. Arya:*shoves Gendry* Gendry: Well, that was unladylike. Arya:*pushes him to the ground*
Theon's expression, when he realises that sassy blonde he fingered on the way up to the castle is his SISTER.
There's also something humorous about the fact that every inhabitant of Pyke that Theon meets either trolls him or treats him with utter disdain...yes, even the Iron Islands hates Theon.
Old Man in Lordsport: What you carrying? Theon: Myrish oranges, wine from the Arbor and the heir to Pyke and the Iron Islands! (Old Man stares at him completely unimpressed) The only living son of Balon Greyjoy! (Old Man keeps staring) Me! Old Man in Lordsport: Don't like wine, woman's drink. — Balon (commenting on Theon's choice of attire): Was it Ned Stark's pleasure to make you his daughter? Balon: I'll not have my son dressed as a whore! — Theon: I told you to wait outside! How'd you get past the guards? Yara: Anything with a cock is easy to fool. — Theon: She can't lead an attack! Balon: And why not? Theon (points at Yara/Asha): You're a woman! Yara: You're the one in skirts.
Davos seems to excel at dropping snarky comments to his stoic king Stannis:
Stannis: Howís it fare with your pirate?
Davos: Sallador Saan will join our fleet. 30 ships; his men know how to fight.
Stannis: In my experience pirates prefer fighting unarmed men.
Davos: It does seem the wiser choice.
And later when discussing the highborn not respecting lowborn Davos:
Stannis: You defend these men who insult you behind your back.
Davos: Well, some are happy to do it to my face.
Tyrion, in a conversation with Lord Janos Slynt, implies that he's corrupt.
Slynt: Are you drunk? I'll not have my honor questioned by an Imp!
It's the tone and the body language that really do it - as if he's saying something placating and friendly.
"I hope you enjoy the Wall. I found it surprisingly beautiful...in a brutal, horribly uncomfortable sort of way."
After Cersei gives a speech feeling sorry for herself and lamenting how she must be the responsible Lannister sibling:
Cersei: Youíve never taken it seriously! You havenít, Jaime hasnít! Itís all fallen on me.
Tyrion: As has Jamie repeatedly, according to Stannis Baratheon.
3 - What Is Dead May Never Die
Renly's flabbergasted expression and his delivery of "What?!" when Margaery reveals that she knows full well about him and her brother, and is even willing to let Loras share their bed if it helps Renly get her pregnant.
Plus, when she first offers herself, Renly's reaction is pretty much "Ew, boobs!"
There's something comical and cute about Renly's attempt to slow things down by quoting philosophy ("Although some say that the beauty most desired is the beauty most concealed.") Oh Renly, your vast intellect isn't going to help you now.
You half expect Renly to run out of the tent screaming about cooties.
Shae is complaining about going stir-crazy cooped up in Tyrion's chambers, and when he shushes her because he's reading, she replies "why, you think your father can hear me? He's three hundred miles away!!"
"HO! Get up, you lazy sons of whores! There's men outside that want to FUCK YOUR CORPSES!"
Varys on being asked to keep a secret from Cersei: "I love conversations that begin this way."
Tyrion's subsequent hazing of the one revealed to be Cersei's snitch, Pycelle. Tyrion and his henchmen are obviously having way too much fun tormenting the guy.
Tyrion: ...cut off his manhood, and feed it to the goats. Pycelle: Wha-no, no, no! Timett: There are no goats, halfman! Tyrion: Well, make do! Tyrion, Timett and Bronn: *snicker*
Also amid all of this:
Tyrion: I don't like his beard. Pycelle's beard is promptly cut.
Tyrion leaving a second coin for the whore propels this scene to the top of this list.
Bronn reporting on Pycelle:
Bronn: Filthy old stoat. Almost hate to interrupt. Tyrion:No, you don't. Bronn: ...No, I don't.
4 - Garden of Bones
Two of Stafford Lannister's men playing "Who would kick whose ass" like a pair of fanboys.
"How good could he [Ser Loras] be? He's been stabbing Renly Baratheon for years, and Renly ain't dead!"
Tywin's unintentional Big Damn Heroes moment, largely for the utterly deadpan way he sees through and calls attention to Arya's disguise.
Tywin:(to Polliver) This one's a girl, you idiot.
Renly snarking on Stannis throughout their parley. "Born amidst salt and smoke? Is he a ham?"
Renly: Whose banner is that? Stannis: My own. Renly: [smiles] I suppose if we used the same one the battle would be terribly confusing... Why's your stag on fire?
Dany trying to convince Qarth's council to let her people into their city and mis-pronouncing it "Qwarth" and being politely corrected by their leader.
Especially as it's based on Qarth being one of the names that George RR Martin has received the most requests on how to pronounce.
The "WTF?!" reactions by non-book readers on Twitter to what happened at the end with Melisandre giving birth to a shadow demon. Including comments like "Did she just give birth to Venom/Hexxus/the smoke monster from LOST?" and "Her vagina is 'dark and full of terrors'" and "Why did Game of Thrones end with the most vile queef I have ever seen?" Carice van Houten's reply was equally hilarious.
Tyrion has a few excellent lines while calling out Joffrey and Ser Meryn for their brutal treatment of Sansa:
Joffrey: You can't talk to me like that! The king can do as he likes! Tyrion: The Mad King did as he liked. Has your Uncle Jaime ever told you what happened to him? Ser Meryn: No one threatens his Grace in the presence of the kingsguard! Tyrion: I am not threatening the king, Ser. I am educating my nephew. (To Bronn) Bronn, the next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. (To Meryn) That was a threat. See the difference?
And, naturally, Bronn's input afterward.
Bronn:(regarding Joffrey) There's no cure for being a cunt.
Tyrion blackmailing Lancel into spying on Cersei for him, then saying that he'll let Pycelle go as Lancel initially ordered as a complete afterthought. "I could say I hadn't harmed a single hair on his head, but that would not, strictly speaking, be true."
Also Lancel's puzzled look at that comment.
Davos and Stannis have a conversation discussing Davos' backstory, and Davos comments that because Stannis chopped off his fingertips, he now has four less finger nails. to clean. Stannis corrects Davos' grammar and tells him he means four fewer finger nails.
A Mood Whiplash moment considering what happens next, but the part where Davos is rowing Melisandre into shore allows them to get some nice digs in at each other. "I am a knight myself, of sorts. A champion of light and life." "That must be very nice for you."
Davos' face when Melisandre is birthing the shadow is also pretty hilarious.
5 - The Ghost of Harrenhal
That awkward moment after Jorah told Dany that "There are times I look at you and still can't believe you're real."
Rickon endlessly smashing nuts on the table as Bran holds court. And note that this is the first time he appears in the season.
After Lancel tells Tyrion about Cersei's stockpile of wildfire, Tyrion screws with him a bit before lamenting that it's boring, then makes him ask Bronn to kill him if anything happens to Tyrion.
Lancel: Please kill me if anything should happen to Lord Tyrion.
Bronn: (smugly) It will be my pleasure.
Another Tyrion moment, this exchange from his conversation with Cersei:
Cersei: Always so clever, with your schemes and plots.
Tyrion's reaction upon finding out from Bronn that the "Demon Monkey" controlling Joffrey the people are talking about is in fact him.
Two of the Dothraki casually discussing the best way to loot Xaro's palace, while Jorah just looks like he'd like to watch. And Dany's reaction, which can be summed up as "No! No stealing!". Then Kovarro takes a cup from a waiter just to empty it and keep it as a consolation prize.
While we are at Dany's entourage, her two handmaidens obviously fighting over her attention and approval.
Jorah wearing a bright blue ascot/scarf underneath the dirty shirt he's worn since the first episode. It looks like the sort of thing he had to be coaxed into wearing.
6 - The Old Gods and the New
When Theon storms into Bran's room and tells him to surrender Winterfell, and Bran's casual "No I won't." response. Just the look on Theon's face when he says that is priceless. He invaded Bran's castle with an army and is standing in the crippled boy's room with armed soldiers and he still doesn't get any respect. He has to sit down on the bed like an annoyed older brother and cajole Bran into surrendering the castle. Very few people can remain such total losers even when heading up a conquering army, but Theon is a very special case.
There's something hilarious about the look on Theon's face when Osha takes off her clothes in front of him. The combination of the wide eyes and the way he's still chewing on the apple makes him look surprisingly goofy considering the situation.
Robb watching Talisa walk away and being caught by Catelyn (who has a hilarious knowing smirk).
Robb: I've missed you.
Catelyn: Yes, you looked practically forlorn.
The scene where Sansa is about to be raped goes from absolute, teeth-clenching horror to pitch-black humor the moment Sandor Clegane arrives. Specifically the moment he grabs the leader of the thugs and lifts him up, and the expression on the guy's face as he realizes he's face-to-face with a none-too-happy Hound invokes the kind of dark "Heh, that guy is so screwed" sense of schadenfreude.
Shortly before that, the moment where the rioters tear apart the fat priest comes so unexpectedly and is so over the top it just ends up being funny, not to mention comparisons to a Zombie Apocalypse.
Tyrion: We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!
Jaqen H'Gar letting his emotionless front drop with an exasperated sigh when Arya insists he kill Amory Lorch immediately.
It's also almost dark slapstick, when Lorch slams the door of Tywin's chamber open to inform his lord of Arya's crime, only to drop dead on the spot without saying a word.
The shift on Tywin's face from surprise to annoyance as he calls for the guards. He seems less concerned with the fact that one of his officers got assassinated and more that he has to find another idiot to replace him.
Jon's growing exasperation with Ygritte, not to mention her grinding against him, just to screw with his head.
Ygritte providing Jon Snow with the words that will eventually be his new Great House's motto: "You're brave. Stupid, but brave."
7 - A Man Without Honor
The hilarious conversation Ygritte and Jon have, concerning men's "stones" and "bones", and whether or not they "get all swollen and bruised when you don't use them". Of which the crowning moment is definitely:
Theon tries to keep up his leader act by punching one of his men who talks back to him. The man goes down, but Theon's hand doesn't fare much better.
Luwin then snarks at him while they're trying to hunt down Bran and Rickon, pointing out that "So far, hunting seems little different from riding". Having remained a complete loser in front of a crippled boy in the last episode, Theon now has to endure helpless old men snarking at him, despite holding all the cards both times.
When Tywin tells Arya the story of how Aegon Targaeryn and his dragon burned Harrenhal and its king she reminds him that his two sisters also were responsible and proceeds to name them, the dragons they rode and their swords. An impressed Tywin tells her most girls prefer to be like the pretty maidens of songs with flowers in their hair. True to form, Arya retorts without missing a beat...
Arya: Most girls are idiots.
You know you've dropped a good one when you manage to make Tywin bark out a laugh.
Jaime's endless river of snark, intermixed with his biting assessment of Catelyn. Especially his reaction to Brienne.
"Is that a woman?"
Even better, her presence seems to confuse him so much he interrupts one of his speeches to ask about her again.
The crowning moment comes when Catelyn orders Brienne while Jaime tries to remember Jon Snow's name. Catelyn first says "Brienne" to which Jaime responds without missing a beat "No, that's not it." and continues trying to remember the name.
This little bit when Cersei and Tyrion discuss how they plan to defend King's Landing from Stannis Baratheon's forces:
Cersei: We have strong high walls. We'll rain fire down on them from above. Tyrion "Rain fire on them from above?" You're quoting father aren't you? Cersei: And why not? He's a good mind for strategy doesn't he? Tyrion: (Sotto-voce): Call it tactics, not strategy, but yes, he does have a good mind for it!
Jon's horror on waking up in a certain position with Ygritte - which she then proceeds to milk for every single bit it's worth.
Pretty much every scene with Jon and Ygritte. She needles that vow of celibacy relentlessly.
Ygritte: Do you have sheep at the Wall? ...With your hands then? No wonder you're all so miserable....
Her threatening to lie about Jon breaking his vow is epic and hilarious:
Ygritte: I swear it old Master King Crow sir! We were only close together for warmth, and then I felt it! Right up against me backside like a club! I can show you the bruise on me tailbone. And before I knew what was where his...his.. Well it was all out in the open all angry as you like and I didn't want to want it, but ohh-h! I did! And he spread me legs and... ruined! The shame of it! Now I can never marry a perfumed lord! What will me poor savage father say? Jon Snow: Turn back around. Ygritte: And I thought we were done but he said: (deep voice) "Turn back around."
Best part about the whole thing is the expression on Jon's face. He's caught somewhere between being embarrassed, laughing, and pissed off, and doesn't know how he should feel while she's mocking him.
8 - The Prince of Winterfell
Jaime and Brienne's entire interaction, with Jaime constantly needling Brienne and her constantly verbally slapping him down (and also taking the oppurtunity to force him to his knees for the 'horses' comment as well as the need to hide.)
"Are you the dumbest cunt alive?" Why, yes, Yara. Yes, Theon is.
Yara mocking Theon by wondering who gave him the tougher fight: the six year-old or the cripple?
And this is after she arrived at Winterfell by riding a circle around him, having her men totally ignore him, and start scoffing down his food without, apparently, any sort of greeting or invitation.
Tyrion, Bronn and Varys planning how to combat Stannis' forces. Well, Tyrion's trying to; Bronn and Varys aren't exactly helping. They do give us some great quips, though.
Specifically, Bronn just wants to clean his nails, much to Tyrion's frustration. And when Tyrion asks him to wear the goldcloak, Bronn argues it incessantly until Tyrion gives up. Then, when Varys arrives, he goes right back to picking his nails.
Also, even Tyrion can't pronounce all of George R.R. Martin's elaborate names! What makes it especially funny is that Bronn and Tyrion go back and forth for a few moments trying to figure out how to pronounce this particular author's name, and then Varys comes and (naturally) pronounces it correctly without a second thought, as if were the easiest thing in the world. Tyrion and Bronn exchange an exasperated look. "Of course you'd know how to pronounce it, smartass."
Varys: If Stannis does attack the Mud Gate, what is our plan? Bronn: We can throw books at his men. Varys: We don't have that many books. Bronn: We don't have that many men either.
And again, when Bronn explains his reasons for killing all the known thieves in King's Landing:
Varys: "Given the circumstances, my lord, I believe extreme measures are warranted."
Incidentally, if you look closely, you see Lord Varys himself struggling not to laugh as Tyrion makes those sarcastic comments to Joffrey.
An insightful discussion on theology in Westeros:
Tyrion: "The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned. The Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where's the god of tits and wine?" Varys: "In the Summer Isles they worship a fertility goddess with sixteen teats." Tyrion: "We should sail there immediately."
Cersei explaining what makes Varys so dangerous:
Cersei: "He has no cock." Tyrion: "Neither do you."
Stannis recounting how when Davos got through the siege at Storm's End with food:
Stannis: "You slipped right through in your little black-sailed boat with your onions." Davos: "And potatoes, and some salted beef, I believe." Stannis: "Every man on Storm's End wanted to kiss you that night." Davos: "I was relieved they did not."
When Arya sees Jaqen after failing to get him to kill Tywin and furiously asks him where he's been:
Jaqen: "A man has patrol duty."
"Unname me." "No." "Please?" You know things are getting a little out of hand when a fully-grown, master assassin is begging a little girl for his life.
The above exchange leads to:
Jaqen: A girl lacks honor. (Arya shrugs as if to say "Yeah, so?")
Bronn tending to his job of protecting the city.
Bronn: The boys and I rounded up all the known thieves. Tyrion: For questioning? Bronn: No. Now it's just the unknown thieves we have to worry about.
9 - Blackwater
Tyrion's understated "Oh, fuck me" when he sees the men he's just defeated aren't nearly as much of the enemy army as they appeared.
Sandor's brief but memorable Rousing Speech to his men as he charges out of the gates
"Any man dies with a clean sword, I'LL RAPE HIS FUCKING CORPSE!!!!"
"Any of those flamingfucking arrows come near me, and I'll strangle you with your own guts."
Many of Sandor's lines after retreating behind the lines:
Sansa's entire pre-battle exchange with Joffrey, doubling as a Crowning Moment Of Awesome as she tries to goad Joffrey into fighting in the much more dangerous vanguard position by saying that of course he'll ride in the vanguard, since Robb does and he's "only a pretender."
Sansa's conversation with Tyrion, in which she subtly lets him know exactly what she thinks of the Lannisters.
Sansa: I pray for your safe return.
Tyrion: (pleased) Do you?
Sansa: Yes. Just as I pray for our king.
As they're preparing for the battle, Bronn asks Tyrion if he knows how to use the ax he's armed himself with. Tyrion's response?
"I chopped wood once. No, wait, I watched my brother chop wood."
A moment that manages to be both funny and heartwarming; Tyrion calls Bronn his friend.
Bronn: Oh, are we friends?
Tyrion: Of course! The fact that I pay you doesn't diminish our friendship!
Bronn: Rather enhances it, I think.
Tyrion: Ooh, 'enhances'. Fancy words from a sellsword!
Bronn: I've been livin' with fancy folk.
After Bronn and some soldiers sing The Rains of Castamere in a tavern before the battle, one of the men ask Bronn where he learned "the Lannister song". Bronn's reply? "Drunk Lannisters."
The exchange between Joffrey and Tyrion on the ramparts just prior to the battle, where they pass comments and insults to each other via the Hound and Lancel.
Joffrey: Hound tell the hand that that his king asked him a question!
Sandor: (sighs) The king has asked you a question.
Tyrion: Ser Lancel, tell the Hound to tell the king that the hand is extremely busy.
Lancel: (to the Hound) Sir, the Hand would like me to tell you, to tell the king-
Varys' comment about the bells.
Varys: Always hated the bells. They ring for horror. A dead king. A city under siege.
Tyrion: A wedding.
Cersei's reaction to Sansa leading prayers.
Drunk Cersei: (amused yet incredulous) What are you doing? Sansa: Praying. Drunk Cersei: (voice dripping with contempt and bile) You're perfect aren't you?
The disinterested yet gloating way Cersei delivers the line: "I'm afraid these fine ladies are in for a bit of a rape".
Drunk Cersei complaining bitterly about how when she and Jaime were young not even their father could tell them apart but that they were still treated differently as they got older.
Drunk Cersei: Jaime was taught to fight with sword and lance and mace and I was taught to smile and sing and please. He was heir to Casterly Rock and I was sold to some stranger like a horse to be ridden whenever he desired.
Sansa: You were Robert's queen!
Drunk Cersei: And you will be Joffrey's. Enjoy.
Tyrion's quips to Joffrey:
Joffrey: I could tell the Hound to cut you in half!
Tyrion: That would make me a quarter-man. Just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Tyrion's inspirational speech to rally his men before taking the fight to Stannis.
Tyrion: Those are brave men knocking on our door. Let's go kill them!
Tyrion waddling onto the screen and hacking a man's leg off with an axe and killing him is darkly humourous.
When he takes off his helm, Loras should be covered in blood, sweat and grime after slaying a large number of Stannis' soldiers, yet he looks like he just stepped out of a hair salon or a teen magazine! In addition to being clean, not a single strand on his curly head is out of place (and he even performs a mild Hair Flip). I mean, seriously, did the Knight of Flowers fight a battle, or is he starring in a hair commercial? A popular animated gif on tumblr◊ pokes fun at this highly improbable moment.
Loras' pristine condition becomes even more ridiculous when Tywin walks in moments later because the old man is covered in blood, sweat and grime.
10 - Valar Morghulis
Tywin's horse taking a dump in the Red Keep.
A very small moment is Sansa's reaction to her engagement to Joffrey being revoked. She acts like she's heartbroken and depressed about it, but when she turns and walks out of the court, she smirks and chuckles to herself in sheer relief at the prospect of being free at last! And seeing as we hadn't seen Sansa smile or laugh in a long time, it's very pleasing as well.
Varys' "Bitch, please" look when Ros feels between his legs.
Jaime is completely gobsmacked at Brienne's swift massacre of the rapists - and he even partakes in a Quizzical Tilt as she finishes off the last one.
Everything involving Theon and the Bolton hornblower in the season two finale.
Theon: (while trying to sleep) I will kill that man. I don't care how many arrows they feather me with, how many spears they run through me, I will kill that horn-blowing cunt before I fall. [later] I will kill that man. I swear it to the Drowned God, the Old Gods, the New Gods, to every fucking God in every fucking heaven, I will kill that man! — Theon: (in the middle of giving a Rousing Speech) AND WHOEVER KILLS THAT FUCKING HORNBLOWER WILL STAND IN BRONZE ABOVE THE SHORES OF PYKE!
It takes a sharp turn into morbidly hilarious when the hornblower in question is revealed to be Ramsay Snow himself in Season 3.
Theon and Maester Luwin discussing his situation:
Theon: Send more ravens! Luwin:[tiredly] You killed all the ravens.
Theon's speech as a whole as he tries, once more, to be pretty awesome and just falls flat. Not necessarily because the speech itself wasn't completely kickass, but right at the end, when he gets whacked on the head by his own man.
"Thought he would never shut up." "It was a good speech. I didn't want to interrupt."
When Jon's in the Wildling camp, he sees a rather interesting sight - a frickin' giant. Ygritte casually asks if it's the first time he's seen one; all he can do is nod with the most amazing pole-axed expression on his face.
Bronn's look of complete and utter irritation at being called away by Podrick with an urgent message from Tyrion, just as he was about to remove his prostitute's remaining undergarments with his teeth.
Bronn: I will murder you, boy!
Bronn asking for his wages to be doubled since he's now a Knight.
Tyrion: I don't even know how much I pay you now.
Bronn: That means you can afford it.
The entire back and forth between Kraznys, the owner of the Unsullied slave army, and his translator Missandei as Dany looks over the soldiers, as she has to invent most of his entire side of the conversation off the top of her head, as he's spent most of it insulting Dany and Jorah. In particular, the bit after she translates Jorah's comment about all men fearing death.
Kraznys: Tell the old man he smells like piss.
Kraznys: Of course not! Are you a girl or a goat, to ask this?
Davos asks Salladhor Saan a favor as a friend, saying Saan was at his wedding. He replies that Davos was at four of his.
The dinner scene with Cersei, Joffrey, Margaery and Loras. Just witnessing two of the most loathed characters in the series be in such an uncomfortable and awkward position (while still seeing fit to spew snark and contempt for each other) simply because the Tyrells are smugly playing up their Incorruptible Pure Pureness image for all its worth, as well as the fact Cersei and Joffrey are both majorly in their debt, is just epic.
Joffrey having to think for a moment before saying "charitable works" like the concept was completely foreign to him!
Joffrey squirming in his tiny litter (which resembles an undersized medieval TARDIS) at being back where he was nearly lynched and his utter terror of being near to his subjects again is hilarious, as is his Oh Crap face when he realizes his new fiance is going to be far less submissive and easy to push around.
The Dothraki traveling by boat for the first time and getting seasick.
When Cersei makes the same joke as Pycelle last season: "You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees." Cersei seems so proud of herself for saying what she probably thought was the most ingenious jab against her brother ever. Tyrion's unimpressed reaction sells it.
As Loras walks away, Sansa is so distracted by his cute butt that she almost forgets that Margaery is there.
Olenna Tyrell is a nonstop source of this, tossing off bon mots worthy of the Dowager Countess of Grantham, including calling her son an idiot for getting them involved with Renly, and only reacting with mild disappointment when Sansa reveals what a monster her soon to be grandson-in-law is.
Olenna: Loras is young, and very good at knocking men off horses with a stick. That does not make him wise. As to your fathead father...
Olenna: (to Sansa) "Come sit with me, dear, I'm much less boring than these others."
Olenna: We should have stayed well out of all this, if you'd ask me. But, once the cow's been milked there's no squirting the cream back up her udder, so here we are, to see things through.
Olenna: (to a servant) Are you going to "bring" the food, or do you mean to starve us to death?
Olenna: Do you know my son? The lord of Highgarden?
Sansa: I haven't had the pleasure.
Olenna: It's no great pleasure, believe me. Ponderous oaf. My husband was an oaf as well, the late lord Luthor. He managed to ride off a cliff whilst hawking.
Sansa: The king is as brave as a lion.
Olenna: Yes, yes, all Lannisters are lions. And when a Tyrell "'farts" it smells like a rose.
Olenna: Tell me about this 'Joffrey.' Has this boy mistreated you?
Olenna: Has he ripped out your tongue?
Thoros of Myr and Anguy speaking in reaction of Hot Pie:
Anguy: (looks at Hot Pie attempting to climb a small wall) "Half the country is starving and look at this one."
Thoros: (looks at Hot Pie and chuckles) "Maybe he is the reason half the country's starving."
Gendry playing the Audience Surrogate for how badly Arya played Jaqen's deal of three deaths.
Mance Rayder describes the impossibly complicated enmities between the Wildling tribes, including that all the others hate the Cave People (apparently the equivalent of the Greyjoys).
Jaime's snark almost reaches critical mass when he's needling Brienne about Renly having been gay.
Jaime: It's a shame the throne isn't made out of cocks, they'd have never got him off it.
Jaime also says he knew Renly was gay ever since they first met as little kids.
Crowning Moment of Funny earlier, when Jaime noticed that Brienne fancied Renly, he comments that Renly wouldn't have been interested in her, since she looks too much like a man, and Renly prefers curly little girls like Ser Loras Tyrell.
An unusually flustered Tyrion struggling to explain that just because he thinks Sansa is objectively attractive, that doesn't mean he's attracted to her.
And earlier when Shae realises how and why Tyrion knows Ros.
Tryion: Yes well, we shouldn't be judgmental about these things...
Jaime trying to negotiate with a Bolton commander (Locke) who clearly knows how lords deal with subordinates.
Jaime: Let us go, my father will pay you whatever you want.
Locke: Enough to buy me a new head?
There's something darkly funny about Joffrey acting like a schoolboy with a crush around Margaery due to her talking about murdering things.
Also Margaery hinting/explaining to Joffrey why she and Renly never had sex because he was gay. She first says that Renly always made excuses to avoid sleeping with her... except one night when he got drunk and "suggested something that sounded very painful and couldn't possibly result in children."
Also hilarious is watching Margaery pretending to be eating out of Joffrey's hand, after seeing how politically-savvy she is. After several seasons of him abusing Sansa, it's satisfying to watch his next betrothed play him like a violin. Especially funny is the fact that while Joffrey is someone who is horribly misogynistic, he's completely willing to let Margaery go on a hunt with him (and says that women hunting "is not unheard of") just because she expressed interest in going with him. Also murder.
Listening to Cersei Slut Shaming Margaery is hilarious because really, what's some cleavage next to cheating on your (admittedly even more promiscuous) husband with your twin brother and then cheating on your twin brother with your first cousin whenever he's out of town?
There is something funny about Jojen never losing his affable tone of voice even when he has a spear on his neck, without shame admitting he's a Non-Action Guy and his sister was a much better fighter and continuing his conversation with that same friendly tone
Later Meera's fondly amused look on her face when she sees Bran and Jojen talking and her glib snarky "why don't you ask them" answer to Osha's question of what where Jojen and Brann talking about. She seems quite aware her brother comes of as mysterious and a bit of a Creepy Child at first glance and is fully capitalizing on it.
Lord Commander Mormont's succinct and successful method of getting Sam back on his feet, when he hears from his cohorts how Sam's struggling to go on.
Mormont: Tarly, I forbid you to die.
Tyrion wonders "Is there an idiot in any village that trusts Littlefinger?" Oh, Ned...
3 - Walk of Punishment
The awkward start to a call to order meeting between Tywin, Littlefinger, Varys, Pycelle, Cersei, and Tyrion. It starts off with Varys, Littlefinger, and Pycelle all watching in terrified silence as Tywin takes his seat and waits for them to sit. The three look on the verge of seeing who will break first and as Varys starts to move, Littlefinger quickly moves in front of him, cuts him off and takes a seat, followed by Varys and Pycelle. Cersei moves her chair to daddy's side, as in: "I am your right hand!". Tyrion one-ups that by dragging his chair, with as much resulting noise as possible, right across Lord Tywin's seat (at which point he lets out a small sigh) at the head of the table, as in: "I am your EQUAL!" After making certain that all the focus is now on him, Tyrion's proceeds to start the meeting with his review of the room.
Tyrion: Intimate! Lovely table! Better chairs than the old small council chamber! Conveniently close to your own quarters, I like it!
When Littlefinger starts talking about his plan to wed Lysa Arryn, Varys does his trademark "Oh my god" eye roll.
Tyrion points out that sending out Littlefinger, the Master of Coin, right before the most expensive event of the season (the royal wedding), is troublesome at best, to which everyone responds with silent, annoyed agreement. Then, Tywin one-ups Tyrion by naming him the new Master of Coin to his son's utter perplexion - since everyone in the room, including him, know that considering his liberal attitude towards money he is the worst possible candidate. They smugly wish him luck, with Pycelle ending it with a "hear, hear".
At Lord Hoster Tully's Viking Funeral his son Edmure attempts to fire a flaming arrow to set the boat on fire and misses. Three times. While the boat is getting further and further away. After the third time Blackfish just shoves him out of the way and hits with the first shot, and then tosses the bow back at his nephew with a look of utter disdain. Hilarious and a great Establishing Character Moment for both of them.
Blackfish doesn't even wait to see the boat catch fire. As soon as he fires his arrow, he turns around and tosses the bow to Edmure, proceeding to walk off, an Unflinching Walk without the explosion.
Robb could barely keep from laughing during Edmure's failed attempts. And Catelyn shoots him an absolutely perfect Death Glare when he does and gives a massive side eye to her brother. It's also a great reminder that despite being King Robb is still only a teenager.
It's not only Robb, as you can hear several people in the background desperately trying not to laugh.
Tyrion gives the virgin Podrick a night with three prostitutes as a reward for loyal service. Later, to Tyrion and Bronn's utter amazement, Podrick was apparently so good that the prostitutes wouldn't take any money. They immediately ask him for details.
Tyrion:(as Podrick walks into the room) "Ah, the return of the conquering hero. Does he have a bit of a jaunt in his step?"
Bronn: "The lad's practically skipping."
Tyrion: "You were gone a long time. I trust you got your money's worth. Or should I say my money's worth."
*Podrick places the purse of gold Tyrion gave him on the table.*
Tyrion:(confused) "It was a gift, Podrick. This is more than I give you in a year."
Bronn: "He's a squire. You don't pay him."
Tyrion: "Oh. Then it's much more than I give you in a year."
Tyrion:(overly patient) "And they seemed to like these things?"
Podrick: "Yes, my lord."
Bronn: "Of course they seemed to like it, they're paid to seem to like it."
Tyrion: "Only they weren't paid."
Bronn: "What are you saying? That these ladies enjoyed him so much, they gave him the time for free?"
Tyrion: "Is that what you're telling us?"
* Podrick giving Tyrion a magnificently satisfied little smirk; Tyrion looking at him in disbelief. *
Tyrion: "Sit down, Podrick. * pours everyone a cup of wine * We're going to need details. Copious details."
And one of their techniques is called the Meereenese Knot. Anyone familiar with George R.R. Martin's posts while writing A Dance with Dragons laughed their asses off.
Anguy the Archer taunting Sandor, one of the deadliest killers in the land.
Anguy: [Placing a bag over his head] Sorry about this, but you're an ugly fucker, and I don't want to see you no more. [Smacks his head against the frame of a door] Watch your head.
Bronn calling Littlefinger "Twatbeard."
That's Lord Twatbeard, thank you very much!
Tyrion trying to explain the concept of borrowing money to Bronn. When it comes to explaining how he'd possibly force his badass sellsword to pay his debts, Tyrion just gives up and says with irritation, "This is why I don't lend you money."
Though the scene as a whole is a big Tearjerker or Moment of Heartwarming, Gendry and Hot Pie's incredibly awkward goodbye is hilarious.
Hot Pie: Don't get stabbed.
Gendry: Don't...burn your fingers...
Also Hot Pie's goodbye gift to Arya — a piece of bread shaped (somewhat) like a wolf.
Littlefinger's advice to Tyrion on becoming the new Master of Coin? "Keep a low profile."
For once it's Brienne who's getting in some digs at Jaime, who gets rather petulant: "I've been sitting in a muddy pen wrapped in chains for the past year!!!" Also, "You were not beating me!". Jaime gets so irritated by being one-upped by Brienne his only retort is to mutter that she will be raped by the Boltons tonight... and at that point all humor decidedly leaves the scene.
Reverse Mood Whiplash when a metal cover of "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" is played over the credits after Jaime's hand is chopped off.
4 - And Now His Watch is Ended
Olenna continues to snark at everyone and anyone in sight over everything.
Olenna: Are you here to seduce me?
Varys: A little obvious perhaps...
Olenna: Oh no please, seduce away! It's been so long. But I rather think it's all for naught; what happens when the nonexistent bumps against the decrepit? (Varys looks down at his groin and up again in shock) ...A question for the philosophers.
Olenna's off the cuff burn of Sansa.
Olenna: Why shouldn't I take an interest (in Sansa)? She's an interesting girl.
Varys: Is she?
Olenna: No, not particularly.
Olenna's rant about Sigil Spamming, especially since the Tyrell sigil and motto isn't as Badass as that of Houses Starknote When saying the Stark's motto "Winter is Coming" Diana Rigg does a mock Yorkshire accent, which Ned Stark and many of the people in northern Westeros speak with. Diana Rigg was born in Yorkshire., Greyjoy or Lannister.
The fact that Varys, the spymaster/spider, and Ros his confidant prostitute double agent are discussing Pod's prowess in bed is hilarious in a way.
During dinner, Cersei is trying to convince Tywin that the Tyrells are a threat to their power, pointing out how easily Margaery is manipulating Joffrey. Tywin responds with a "The Reason You Suck" Speech, pointing out that Cersei has done a terrible job at trying to control Joffrey, and that she's not nearly as smart as she thinks she is. It's just the way he so bluntly explains it to her which makes it so damn funny.
Joffery excitedly giving Margaery a tour around the sept while giddily telling her about how various Targaryens died there.
Partially a Crowning Moment Of Awesome, but the look on EVERYONE'S faces when it's revealed that Dany speaks fluent Valyrian, and knew EXACTLY what the slaver was saying was rather amusing.
And as she sacks the city the looks Jorah and Barristan give each other. They look like a couple of adoring fanboys gushing over their Khaleesi, especially when you contrast their behavior around each other previously. Fan art has naturally run with this.
When the Unsullied bang their spears in allegiance to Dany, we see Jorah begin bobbing his head◊ to the beat, with a look of "Oh hells yeah!"
5 - Kissed by Fire
Some of Jaime's old self starting to return, when he decides to annoy Brienne by sharing her bath.
After insulting Renly once more, Jaime's utter shock when Brienne furiously stands up in front of him, completely stark naked. What makes it funny is that his eyes go completely wide and he honestly doesn't appear to know where to look!
Littlefinger being able to completely destabilise a Tyrell plot, seemingly in less than a day. He sends an attractive man to seduce Loras, who then manipulates the Knight of Flowers into joking about his engagement to Sansa. Littlefinger then passes the information back to Tywin and Cersei. Also doubles as a CMOA.
Tyrion's comment on the plot to marry Sansa to Loras. Based on their interaction in "The Climb," Tyrion's joke is actually an accurate assessment of the kind of marriage Loras and Sansa would've had.
Tyrion: She's a lovely girl. Missing some of Ser Loras' favorite bits, but I'm sure they'll make do.
Cersei's Oh Crap moment when she finds out Tywin plans to wed her to Loras Tyrell, especially since it's a complete 180 from her smug expression at Tyrion being forced to marry Sansa.
A Youtube commenter put it best:
Cersei: You should be thanking the gods for this, this is more than you deserve.
Jon and Ygritte's sex scene starts out with some Self-Deprecation, mocking the show's previous tendency to only have the women naked during sex scenes with Ygritte asking why Jon isn't taking off his clothes.
Ygritte mocking Jon with her catchphrase just as she receives the "Lord's kiss" from him: "You know nothing, Jon Sno-oh-ohhh!"
Jon acting incredibly cocky upon realising he's impressed Ygritte with his bedroom prowess, despite being a virgin... only for his smugness to quickly disappear when he inadvertently leads Ygritte to list all of her previous lovers, in copious detail.
"You haven't heard...? Stannis Baratheon laid siege to King's Landing. Sailed into Blackwater Bay. Stormed the gates with thousands of men. And your sister... How can I put this... your sister... *agonizingly long pause* ...is alive and well. Your father's forces prevailed."
Beric muses that he's now been killed by a Clegane twice. Thoros comments to Arya "You'd think he'd learn."
Ser Jorah recalling how his Knighting ceremony took over 16 hours and he desperately needed to pee. Ser Barristan says it was the same with his Knighting ceremony.
Before it becomes utterly emotionally-wretching, there's a part where Cersei smiles smugly at Tyrion who snaps at her and tell her to stop it because she's making him uncomfortable. For a brief moment, Cersei and Tyrion are five year olds, bickering at each other, despite being children of one of the most powerful Houses on Westeros and holding direct power over the entire country.
6 - The Climb
Olenna even gets some great barbs on Tywin, cheerfully admitting that Loras is "a sword swallower through and through" and asking if he didn't dabble with other boys even once in his youth.
After hearing various people use various euphemisms to describe Loras' homosexuality, hearing her finally come out and call it "a discreet bit of buggery" is hilarious.
Loras and Sansa making awkward small talk about brooches and pins, as well as talking about their wedding and the clothes and food... while almost forgetting to mention the most important part, the bride. How is anyone surprised that he's gay?
Only Sansa... which is both funny and sad.
It also doubles as a Tear Jerker when you recall that Renly wore a cloak of green brocade while watching Loras joust. Since they cannot openly express their love for each other at the tourney, Renly dressed himself in one of the sigil colours of his boyfriend's family as a subtle romantic gesture. In Loras' imagination, Renly as his "bride" would be decked in the green and gold of House Tyrell.
Tyrion's comment to Cersei on Tywin's plan to marry them to Sansa and Loras respectively: he has no idea which of the four is getting the worst end of the deal.
Tyrion: Probably Sansa, but Ser Loras will certainly come to know a deep and singular misery.
After Tyrion rhetorically asks what they can do about their situation, Cersei (watching Loras and Sansa from a window) answers tonelessly "We could have them both killed". Her wistful expression clearly says "Don't I wish..."; Tyrion ignores her.
The start of Tyrion's very awkward and apologetic explanation to both Sansa and Shae about the marriage situation:
Tyrion:[sighs] Where to begin...
Tyrion's indignation that Joffrey's plan to kill him was to simply order a member of the Kingsguard to attack him during the siege, when others would surely see, rather than being discreet with something like poison. He sounds more annoyed with Joffrey's stupidity in his methods than the fact he tried to have Tyrion killed.
Arya Stark: (about Melisandre) I don't like that woman.
Anguy: (he and Gendry leer at Melisandre) That's because you're a girl.
Arya Stark: What does that have to do with anything?
The scene where Jaime frowns because Roose refuses to drink any of the wine offered when Jaime offers to pour it for him. Olenna refuses Tywin pouring her wine in the next scene. In both cases it's because it might be poisoned.
Note that in the books it is explained that Roose only drinks medicinal wine (hippocras); this is not explicitly remarked upon in the TV show though but he does say "I don't partake."
As they are climbing the Wall, Ygritte asks Jon if he is staring at her ass.
Jaime also trying to cut his meat with one hand wielding a knife. Brienne looks on exasperated till she helps with her fork, bringing it down very hard to hold the meat steady with a definite air of 'Oh, for god's sake. '
Varys and Littlefinger are looking at the Iron Throne and agree it is an "ugly old thing" yet has a certain attraction. Varys then calls it "The Lysa Arryn of chairs".
Littlefinger says that while the Iron Throne is rumored to have over 1000 swords, it really only has about 200. He counted them himself because he was bored.
Edmure declares that no law can compel him to marry someone he hasn't chosen, then Blackfish says, "The Law of My Fist is about to compel your teeth!" Edmure is forced to agree.
Osha and Meera's childish bickering over who is a better hunter and nearly starting a catfight over the subject.
Also the tired and mildly annoyed "Hodor?" when their argument wakes up the big guy.
Bran attempts to settle the argument with a weary resigned "You're both good skinners", and reminding Osha after she complained that when she met Meera, Meera had a knife to her throat, that this is exactly how Osha met Bran. And she sort of shrugs like she's resisting the urge to say "that's different!"
Thoros and Melisandre's first meeting and their snarking off about each other.
Melisandre's complete invasion of Beric's personal space while she and Thoros chat like he's not even there.
While a truly nasty and horrifying scene, Theon's Torture scene opened hilariously with Ramsay Bolton proving what a troll he is by waking Theon by way of Westeros's answer to the vuvuzela.
When Edmure is reluctant to marry Frey's daughter, and Robb reminds him that he wanted to make amends for the failure at Stonemill, Blackfish leans to Edmure and asks in a loud dramatic whisper if Edmure recalls that "heroic engagement". Then everybody just stares at Edmure, while he stutters, babbles and finally conceeds to the marriage.
"I had something less permanent in mind."
Tyrion's perfect definition of his otherwise gloomy situation. Greatly delivered: "Jaime or not, I'm truly fucked."
Cersei referring to Margaery as "the little doe-eyed whore."
7 - The Bear and the Maiden Fair
Margaery explaining to Sansa what it takes for a man to please a woman.
Sansa: How do you know all this? Did your mother teach you?
Margaery: (gives Sansa a long look) Yes sweet girl, my mother taught me.
Did her brother teach her?
Given her open attitude towards Loras' orientation, we can wonder if Olenna let Margaery herself freely experiment. For an aspiring queen-to-be like Margaery, the significant advantage of possessing that kind of knowledge on top of political savviness simply cannot be underestimated.
Margaery's experimentation in general. As someone on Tumblr put it:
[monotone] gentle men, rough men, ugly men, pretty men
[enthusiastically ecstatic] PRETTY GIRLS
Osha is so pissed off at having to do all the work at camp that she's driven to ask Hodor why the Reeds aren't helping. Hodor gives the inevitable response, but is also as irritated as we've ever heard him, like he's trying to say "yeah, I guess...?"
More like "Seven Hells, woman! I only say one thing? Can't you people go five minutes without asking me for my opinion?!"
Blackfish telling Catelyn that "I've seen wet shits I've liked better than Walder Frey". He then promptly apologizes to Queen Talisa who's in the tent with them for his foul language.
After Robb and Talisa have sex, Robb tries to plan a war strategy, then asks her to put some clothes on or else he will "attack" her again. She stays as she is and says playfully, "Attack. Attack."
Ygritte mistaking a windmill for a castle, then revealing she has no idea what it means to "swoon". When Jon explains:
Ygritte: [dramatically] Oh, a spider! Save me Jon Snow! [collapses into his arms] My dress is made of the purest silk from Tralalalala-li-day.
After Joffrey complains that Tywin has moved the Small Council Meetings nearer to him so he cannot attend (even though he never bothered before) and making veiled threats about making a King climb a tower to attend a meeting, Tywin totally deflating his ego in seconds, but politely suggesting that if it's that much of a problem, they'll have him carried there! Embarrassed, Joffrey immediately tries switching the subject to Dany and her Dragons, which Tywin mocks him for being worried about... again.
Then on his way out, Tywin feels the need to add a last-second pleasantry, so he turns back and utters a condescending "Your grace" which sounds like "here endeth the lesson, puppet king."
This scene would be funny if not for the fact that Tywin keeps dismissing his grandson's orders to look into the whole "Daenerys Targaryen having dragons" thing. For once, viewers are on the side of the boy king.
Tormund Giantsbane giving Jon sex advice while they're on a guerrilla mission, that he should wait until a girl's "as slick as a baby seal" before he fucks her.
Bronn's "helpful" advice for Tyrion is to just accept having both Sansa and Shae.
After Bronn suggests that Tyrion secretly does want to "Fuck that Stark girl", we see Tyrion's eyes briefly glaze over for a second as he ponders this, before quickly jumping back to his senses, a little disconcerted at the thought.
"I don't pay you to put evil notions in my head."
Jaime, being Jaime, just couldn't resist that last snark at Locke after he snatched Brienne away from under his nose.
Jaime: Sorry about the sapphires.
What makes it better is that Jaime noticeably hesitates before he makes that snark almost like he tried to resist making one last smartass remark and just couldn't. Maybe it's a Lannister genetic impulse...
Locke gets two rather hilarious lines in "The Bear and the Maiden Fair".
Locke:(to Jaime whose attempting to bribe him into releasing Brienne) So go buy ya'self a golden hand and fuck yourself with it!
As Jaime rushes to the edge of the pit, Locke chimes in with a disappointed shout of: "Well, this is one shameful fuckin' performance. Stop runnin' and fight!" in an utterly side-splitting tone as he already grows bored with the entertainment.
And this one when Steelshanks wounds the lumbering beast with a crossbow bolt to help Jaime escape.
Locke:(Rounds on Walton as he loads another quarrel) DA FACK YOU DOIN' TO MAH BEAR!?!
Despite once again veering sharply into utterly horrifying Nightmare Fuel, the scene where "The Boy" once again trolls the almighty fuck out of Theon by first having two beautiful women seduce him in a scene reminiscent of a stereotypical porno, and then interrupting him mid-orgy with a blast of his Troll-horn before apologizing profusely for the "bad timing" is almost farcical... until the aforementioned nightmare fuel happens with him using this as an excuse to Castrate Theon.
Olenna: So their son will be your nephew. After you're wed to Cersei, of course. And you will be the king's stepfather and brother-in-law. When you marry the king, Joffrey's mother will become his sister-in-law and your son will be Loras' nephew? Grandson? I'm not sure. But your brother will become your father-in-law.
Loras' expression is equally hilarious since he clearly wants her to just shut up, but doesn't have the guts to tell her to.
Loras instantly getting shot down when trying to make small talk with his bride-to-be.
Cersei: No one cares what your father once told you.
Loras being teased by Olenna (see above example) and Cersei giving him the cold shoulder is made even funnier when we remember both women have every reason to be mad at him. If he could have just kept his mouth shut, none of them would have got caught in Tywin's trap.
It's Cersei's fault as well, so the idea of her and Loras making each other miserable is quite a bit funnier than it probably should be.
Mero's douchebaggery knows no bounds when he is invited to parley with Daenerys. Dany's deadpan reactions and blunt rejoinders to the flurry of vicious innuendos that the Titan's Bastard hurls at her are so stoic that she evokes laughs of admiration. No other ruler has her unflappable reserve.
Mero: In the Second Sons we share everything. After the battle maybe we'll share you.
Dany:(amused smile, checks out the Lieutenant, Daario)
Plus Dany's loyal Bear delivering a fabulous Take That to the SOB.
Mero: The Second Sons have faced worse odds and won.
Jorah Mormont: The Second Sons have faced worse odds and run.
Crossed with a crowning moment of awesome and a tearjerker, Tyrion gets extremely drunk and bitter after his wedding, and when Joffrey threatens to rape Sansa as part of the wedding ceremony...this happens:
Tyrion:There will be no bedding ceremony.
Joffrey:There WILL be if I command it!
Tyrion:(slamming his knife into the table and deadly serious) Then you'll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock. (cue mass stunned silence)
Joffrey: ... What did you say? (utterly enraged) What...Did you...SAY!!!!???
Missandei correcting Daenerys' Dothraki, making it clear that Khal Drogo's praise of her ability to speak it was at least partly him flattering his new wife, which is actually quite cute.
Made funnier by the Call Back; they use the same "Ath Jahackar" phrase Dany was taught by her handmaidens, and in the first season they told her she'd gotten it right, even though her intonation was audibly different from theirs. Presumably, they were just fed up of trying to teach her, since Missandei keeps repeating it until her intonation is correct.
Davos having problems with his tangled first book :
Possibly some Self-Deprecation at the difficulty in pronouncing some of Martin's names. Made funnier when he actually manages to read the damn thing and shows a very brief glimpse of satisfaction. He's so incredibly proud of himself, as if he almost won the entire damn war by finishing that phrase.
Sam's failure over the course of several episodes to light a fire, and his exasperated "how hard can this be?" reaction to it.
Daario's answer when Daenerys asks him if she's supposed to be in awe of his killing abilities when he rolls out the severed heads of the other leaders of the Second Sons.
When Tywin is asked if he remembers calling Tyrion "a drunken little lust-filled beast" (a suddenly advantageous trait in a wedding day), Tywin simply growls "more than once."
In order to defuse the tension after he threatened to castrate Joffrey in a moment of anger, Tyrion pretends to be even more drunk than he actually is, falling over and admitting to having thrown up on a woman during the act. Leading to this gem as he quickly escorts Sansa out of the room;
Tyrion: Come, I'll tell you all about it, to put you in the mood!
Shae tormenting a very hungover Tyrion by slamming doors and making a huge racket with a serving tray. Plus, her yanking his pillow away from under him so his (presumably pounding) head thumps unceremoniously onto the divan he collapsed on during the night.
Look again, Tyrion's impromptu cushion is actually Sansa's new nightgown balled up! Shae promptly relieves Tyrion of it for the early bird.
And after Shae exchanges a look with Tyrion when she realises that he didn't consummate the marriage with Sansa, the look Tyrion gives her is essentially boiled down to "Yes, I can be a decent guy sometimes. Don't make a big deal out of it. And return my unconventional head support!"
Though it quickly suffers from Mood Whiplash, Sam explains the difference between a Family Name (Tarley) and Birth Name (Samwell), mentioning that his father's name was Randyll. Gilly comments that Randyll's a handsome name, resulting in a beat, and Sam saying "Please don't name him Randyll."
9 - The Rains of Castamere
The Hound's face after Arya knocks out the pig trader with a chunk of wood. This was right after he accused her of being 'too kind.'
Walder Frey's "You could have been tapping that" look at Robb after the beautiful Roslin is revealed, followed by the Blackfish's discomfort at the other Frey women eyeing him.
And with that smirk he flashed at Robb, one might wonder if he had intentionally saved the best girl for last to surprise Robb and Edmure, considering he only brought out unattractive daughters and granddaughters earlier.
Walder struggling to remember one of his granddaughter's names.
(About his youngest grandaughter) She hasn't bled yet... clearly you don't have the patience for all that.
(About Talisa) Prettier than this lot, that's for sure.
Your king says he betrayed me for love. I say he betrayed me for firm tits and a tight fit!
During Robb's apology to the Freys, he assures said daughters and grandaughters that "any man would be lucky to have any of you"... and in the background the Blackfish can be seen giving Edmure a dubious look.
The look Jorah and Grey Worm exchange in response to Daario Naharis bragging about his whistling proficiency. It all but outright shouts "What in seven hells have we done to get stuck with this guy."
Keep in mind, we don't actually know that Grey Worm speaks Westerosi, so it's possible his look of confusion and irritation was directed at both of them, because they're stopping to have a dick-measuring contest when they're supposed to be waging war.
Jorah (caked in blood) hoping to gain the admiration of Daenerys with the good news that Yunkai has been successfully taken. The bashful grin on his face when she favours him with a small smile slides straight off his beard when she asks worriedly after Daario; a younger - arguably handsomer, and certainly more deadly man.
Hilarious in Hindsight because poor Mormont puts everything he has into that battle in order to impress his queen, competing with Daario for better kills while his young rival made it seem so - effortless.
Rickon's comment about how, according to Old Nan's stories, the Wildlings make people drink blood from their own skulls. He says this while Osha's standing right next to him. Osha's expression is priceless.
Later, when they are heading to the tower to wait out a storm, Osha suggests that they might drink some blood, while they are in there, pats horrified Rickon and cheerfully assures him that she only needs a little.
Arya berating the Hound for only having the guts to kill helpless little boys and weak old men and how she knows a real killer (her old assassin friend Jaqen H'ghar) one who could kick Clegane's ass seven ways from Sunday. Sandor's brilliant comeback is to point at the star-seeing farmer he's recently clobbered and ask:
Sandor: That him?
Arya:(Glances back) ... No.
Sandor: Good. (Moves to kill him)
Bran's attempts to keep Hodor quiet before he accidentally wargs into him instead.
"Hush, Hodor! N-no more Hodoring!"
10 - Mhysa
Tyrion's opening salvo at a (madly grinning) Joffrey during the Small Council meeting.
When Tyrion reads out the letter, Joffrey gleefully smiles at his mother. Her returned smile seems a little... insincere. He most likely kept on and on about the Red Wedding during the entire walk to the Tower Of The Hand and thus got Cersei to a point where she couldn't hear about it anymore.
How Tyrion feels about Walder Frey's coded message about the Red Wedding:
"Is this bad poetry, or does it actually mean something?"
The (admittedly very dark) humour of the following exchange; the fact that Joffrey is such a twisted little bastard that even Cersei is trying to reign him in is pretty hilarious. Also, Joffrey's "mwa-ha-ha" grin as he delivers the lines.
Joffrey: ... Command Lord Frey to send Robb Stark's head. I'm going to serve it to Sansa at my wedding feast! Varys:(in a desperate attempt to bring this whole discussion out of Psycho-land and back to the real world) Your Grace, Lady Sansa is your aunt by marriage. Cersei: A joke. Joffrey didn't mean it. Joffrey: (slightly confused) Yes I did. I'm going to have it served to Sansa at my wedding feast!
After Joffrey's line "Everyoneis mine to torment!", Cersei rolls her eyes and Tywin glances sideways, sharing the silent sentiment of being fed up with his petty cruelty. And when Tyrion starts to retort, Varys smirks to himself. No one other than Tyrion snaps back at Joffrey, but their reactions speak louder than words.
When Joffrey attempts to call Tywin out for "hiding under Casterly Rock" during Robert's Rebellion, everyone in the room (Cersei included) immediately gives the same "Oh no you didn't" look towards Joffrey. Made even more hilarious by the background music swelling as if to let everyone know that Joffrey pushed Tywin's Berserk Button. And instead of losing his temper, Tywin calmly tells Joffrey to go to bed. Followed by Cersei holding Joffrey's hand and bringing him upstairs to more or less tuck him in, all the while talking to him like he's a six year old.
After Tywin sends Joffrey to bed and asks Grand Maester Pycelle to give him essence of nightshade, only Tywin, Tyrion, and Varys remains. Varys, without being asked or bidden, immediately stands up to leave as if to say "Screw This, I'm Outta Here!".
Joffrey's final screeching outburst as he tries to assert his authority in the most pathetic way possible after being sent scuttling to his room by Tywin.
A Call Back to Season One: after Joffrey challenges Tywin at the Small Council meeting, everyone turns to leave. The last one to do so is Tyrion, and he is once again stopped by Tywin's "Not you". It's the "you know the drill" tone of Tywin's words that makes it hilarious.
Tyrion describing how Tywin acts to Joffery in the meeting.
Tyrion: You just sent the most powerful man in the kingdom to bed without his supper.
Tyrion's face after Tywin mocks his sympathy to the slaughtered Starks.
Tywin: You want to write a song for the dead Starks? Go ahead, write one. Tyrion:(Looks to seriously be considering it)
Nearly the entire discussion between Walder Frey and Roose Bolton, in the aftermath of The Red Wedding.:
Walder Frey: The late Walder Frey, Old Tully called me - because I didn't get my men to the Trident in time for battle. He thought he was witty... Look at us now, Tully! You're dead!You're daughter's dead! Your grandson's dead! Your son spends his wedding night in a dungeon... And - I'm Lord of Riverrun.
Walder Frey: Must have been torture, following that stupid boy all over the country. Roose Bolton: He ignored my advice at every turn. If he'd been a trifle less arrogant...
Frey and Bolton's (almost horribly fond) recollections of Robb Stark.
In an extremely dark funny scene, Ramsay eats a sausage in front of Theon, who he has emasculated not long before, as he continues to talk about the deed. When he figures out what's being assumed of his meal his reaction can be summed up as "Oh come on, I'm not that evil!"
Ramsay: What? ... No...! Pork sausage! Do you think I'm some sort of savage?
Ramsay trolling Balon Greyjoy by sending him Theon's "Dick in a Box". That scene is about as dark and horrible as it gets but still remains funny due to Ramsay's wording in his letter:
"In the box you'll find a special gift - Theon's favorite toy. He cried when I took it away from him."
Ramsay:Sorry, I shouldn't make jokes. My mother taught me not to throw stones at cripples... But my father taught me - aim for their head!
Sam realizing he just said "I know how this must look" to a blind man.
Hodor shouting "Hodor!" into a well to hear the echo.
Hodor's joyful reaction to Sam recognizing him from Jon's stories. He sounds as if he wanted to say "Oh you...".
Seeing the group preparing to be attacked by something horrifying... only to crash into one of the most generally nonthreatening pairs in the show. And while they all are trying frantically to cover up who they are, for fear that this strange dude might sell them out, Sam's reaction can be summed up as "Hey, aren't you Jon Snow's little brother? Fancy meeting you out here!"
When Podrick meets up with Tyrion and Sansa, some girls can be seen giggling and gossiping about him. Tri-Pod strikes again!
Gilly calling Maester Aemon "Master" despite Sam trying to correct her.
Sansa and Tyrion conspiring to put dung in the beds of some nobles who were mocking them. Followed by Sansa once again displaying her naivety by revealing she believes that "Shift" is the rude way of saying dung.
"Anyone named Desmond Crakehall has to be a pervert."
As they walk through the garden, they notice two men laughing at them. Sansa notices Tyrion muttering their names to himself, and asks if he plans to have them killed. Tyrion's response? "Do I look like Joffrey?"
The Onion Knight has learned to read, but still has a little trouble. His suspicious tone and expression are perfect, as if he suspects that someone is playing a trick on him.
Arya killing a grown man for the first time and looking at the coin that Jaqen gave her is a pretty chilling scene, but at the very end it turns funny when you see that The Hound is sitting down at the campfire of the dead soldiers in the background and eating their food. Between this and the salted pork scene, the Hound is slowly turning into a Big Eater. While the Hound clearly is disturbed over Arya stealing his knife, without even himself noticing, and using it to kill some soldiers, all he does is give a bemused "Next time you do something like that, give me some warning first".
Davos' advice to Gendry on handling a boat
Davos: Do you know how to swim?
Davos: Don't fall out.
Davos' blunt rebuttal over Gendry's concerns over being considered a fugitive in Westeros.
Davos: Do the Gold Cloaks know your face?
Davos: Then I'd be more worried about the Red Woman.
Davos lampshading that the Goldcloaks are ridiculouslyincompetent, since they've been after him for most of his life.
An unflappable Davos counseling against his own death sentence.
I understand, but since you have not un-named me Hand of the King, it is my duty to advise you against it.
The irony of Melisandre/R'hllor saving Davos' life makes Stannislaugh. If you look closely when Stannis starts laughing, you see Melisandre shortly tilting her head in his direction. This is probably the closest thing to a "Wait, what?" we have seen from her so far.
Tyrion instructing Pod in the art of getting sloshed. "It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy."
The HBO descriptions continue getting creative in their attempts to avoid spoilers, with "Arya runs into an old friend" and "Tyrion lends Jaime a hand."
Out of Canon/Commentaries
Behind The Scenes
In the series pilot, co-creators Benioff and Weiss mocking Arya's obviously dubbed-in exposition about Jaime as "our finest writing moment."
Arya: That's Jaime Lannister, the Kingslayer.
Benioff: Hours and hours we spent working on that.
Episode 2 has Lena Headey (Cersei), Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau (Jaime) and Mark Addy (Robert Baratheon) taking a moment to comment how terribly unattractive actors Kit Harrington (Jon Snow) and Richard Madden (Robb Stark) are:
Doreah: Men like what they've never had. And the Dothraki take slaves like a hound taking a bitch.
The story of how Kit Harrington and John Bradley got stuck in the Wall's elevator for an hour, with an ever-growing number of people gathering below them.
Michelle Fairley (Catelyn) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jaime) bantering in this commentary, and having...uh..difficulties to pronounce "Jaqen".
From Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau and Michelle Fairley's commentary, Coster-Waldeau points out how a pause in Robb and Talisa's sex scene could be interpreted as Robb having finished very quickly, forcing Fairley to defend her "son's" sexual prowess.
During the build-up to Robb's sex scene, when he offers Talisa wine:
Michelle Fairley: "He's gonna get her drunk and have his way." Nikolaj Coster-Waldau: "King in the North!"
George R.R. Martin's obsession with the main characters not wearing helmets in the "Blackwater" commentary. He starts on it as soon as the battle begins and refuses to let it go for the rest of the episode.
The entirety of Alfie Allen and Gemma Whalen's commentary on "The Night Lands." Two very goofy people who hold nothing about the show sacred, feeling free to let loose.
But especially whenever Theon is dealing with his family, and they instantly both start redubbing the scene as stroppy teenagers.
And, during the scene where Gendry reveals that he knows Arya is a girl.
Gemma: "Take your cock out... not you, Alf. Put it away."
Vitriolic Best Buds Liam Cunningham and Carice Van Houten have quite a few moments, like Carice recounting her numerous animal phobias, and their discussion of inherently funny lines.
During the infamous ending 'shadow' scene, they're discussing Liam's eagerness to see Carice's fake pregnancy and his sheer embarrassment after mistaking her real breasts for fake ones, thinking they were using a full-body prosthetic.
Liam: Then what did you show them to me for?!
Lena Headey referring to Liam Cunningham as a "sexy badger" due to the coloring of his beard in the second Blackwater commentary.
In the commentary for "A Golden Crown", Harry Lloyd talking about his favourite lines from various character and his embarrassment after sshing everyone for Mark Addy's, only for the scene to then have Robert slap Cersei hard across the face without saying a word;
Emilia: That is your favourite line?!
Harry: No, no! This next line here!
Discussing the strong women on the show, Alan Taylor asks Emilia Clarke if she's worried about the competition.
Emilia: "Oh, honey, I've got dragons. I'm going to win."
From episode 10, during Brienne's execution of the northerners...
In the "Blackwater" commentary, Peter Dinklage mentioning his grandmother mishearing him and thinking he'd won the part of "Interior Bannisters".
The revelation that Richard Madden won the Most Stylish Man In Scotland award, and that Kit Harrington has never let him forget it.
When John Bradley (Samwell Tarly) is asked what his house sigil and motto would be, he replies thusly:
The motto would probably be 'Oh for god's sake. ' D'you know sometimes when you get an ice lolly?...And you wait too long to eat it and it melts and it falls off the stick? The disappointment that that encapsulates would suit 'Oh for god's sake' quite perfectly. Although, to go into battle with that on a banner, you've lost the battle already, psychologically, I think.
In a season 2 interview Kit Harington recalls that one of the funniest scenes the Iceland filming crew got was when they literally filmed John Bradley's face freezing up slowly "into a block of ice".
Kit: He got.. icicles on his little eyelashes.
Emilia and Lena: Aww..
When Charles Dance is asked on The Jonathan Ross Show to introduce his character, he says:
Before filming the season 2 finale, the crew gave Alfie Allen a fake script saying that Theon would be killed. To their disappointment, instead of getting upset, he was willing to go along with it. It wasn't until he read a part about Theon rising as a wight that he realized they were pulling a prank on him.
The scene itself was written so that Bran would kill Theon while riding on Hodor, which makes it even more hilarious.
In the same vid, when asked what her house sigil and motto would be, she picked a tortoise as the animal because of their hard shell. And the motto? Go hard, or go home!
Bryan Cogman admitting that Selyse keeping her stillborn sons in jars was just a random idea he had in the middle of the night that he put in the "Kissed by Fire" script as a joke, never expecting the other crew members would actually go for it.
When HBO released a promo still of Rickon for Series 3, Art Parkinson joked on Twitter about how even he had to run and check that he'd actually been in it?!
The bear from "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" was named Bart.
And gets a single credit screen all to himself (he's actually the second movie star bear to have the name, born shortly after the death of the first).
While filming the bear's scenes, the crew kept shouting "nice bear!" and playing country music to not upset it.
More from GRRM's appearance on Conan: he talks about growing up in New Jersey, looking out across the river and seeing this glittering city and wondering just what kind of people lived there and what kind of adventures there were to be had. Of course what he was seeing was Staten Island, much to everyone's (including grown-up Martin himself) amusement.
When Iwan Rheon was being asked about the best of playing Ramsay, he responded that it was torturing Theon, which caused the reporter to ask how is it to torture Alfie Allen. Rheon says that it is fiction, and that Allen still has a penis.
Throughout several interviews and pieces of promotional material, Jason Momoa simply refuses to accept that his character has been killed off. At one point he crashes a Comic Con, shouts, "I'm not dead, George!" and plants a big one on Emilia Clarke.
When asked about whether or not the game would have sex scenes in it, Telltale Games said "There are sex scenes in Game of Thrones?".
The Season 4 video Foreshadowing has some good bits, like Kit Harington talking about the difficulty of treating a "big green dummy" like it's your lifelong pet, Gwendoline Christie's Evil Laugh, and, this troper's personal favorite, Nikolaj Coster Waldau and Peter Dinklage doing a dance number during Tyrion's trial.
On the season three commentaries, Gwendoline Christie's shock and grief at learning that, due to a broken ankle, Kit Harrington had to use a butt double in Kissed By Fire.
Followed by an extremely prolonged discussion of Richard Madden's cleavage.
Byran Cogman claims that he'd intended to play Maester Pylos before the character was Adapted Out.
Vanessa Taylor repeatedly ribbing Catelyn for constantly crying throughout season 3.
Kit talking about how he "hugged" Rose off the Wall.
Emilia Clarke on what it was like watching season one with her parents. "Dad, you need to go make another cup of coffee. Now, now, now, please."
Michelle Fairley relates how she ran into Natalia Tena on their shared last day on the season, and Tena excitedly (and rather tactlessly, given what Fairley had spent the past week filming) proclaimed that she hadn't gotten a farewell basket from the producers, meaning she would be coming back.
Iwan Rheon claims he has the map from the credits tattooed on his ass. Plus, cheerfully calling out to his dad whenever Roose is onscreen.
George RR Martin explains that the season 3 scripts featured a lot of scenes being swapped around between episodes, which makes him quite happy as he's able to talk about how great the writing in "his" episode is without feeling awkward about praising his own work.
When Maester Aemon appears, Iwan says to Emilia "He's related to you, right?" referring to Aemon being Dany's great-great uncle. Iain Glen is left utterly confused, thinking he's talking about the actors.
Martin insists a little too strongly that the scene where Theon is castrated was taken from another episode's script, and he had nothing to do with the entire storyline, which rings pretty hollow considering he wrote the books in the first place.
The season 3 "History and Lore" video on Robert's Rebellion, which features some catty bickering between Varys and Littlefinger, all done in the same dead serious tone as the other H&L videos.
The Blackfish also gets in some good snark during his videos on the Riverlands and House Tully.
(About the family sigil) The trout, that most terrifying of fish, especially when it leaps out of the water. I suppose you don't have many options when you live in the Riverlands.
(About making alliances through marriage) Our trout has swum up so many rivers over the centuries and leapt onto so many plates that it's a wonder that half the realm's sigils don't have fins by now.
If Westeros isn't careful, pretty soon our people will grow some sense and abandon this place for a safer realm... like the Dothraki Sea.
Ramsay Bolton: The screams of Reek, that's my music.
Robb Stark: Yeah, you're so funny Frey, you bastard, oh and by the way...I HATE THAT SONG.
Stannis Baratheon: If only you had declared for me...
Jon Snow: Best shag that i've had.
Ygritte: The only shag you've had,you fucking crow.
The Fake Movie Real Trailer "Medieval Land Fun-Time World by Bad Lip Reading (extended scenes here). What sets this apart from other fake dubs is that all dialogue comes from YouTube's poor automatic transcriptions of the original show scenes. The resulting story is undeniably stupid, but clever editing and a couple of FX manage to make it coherent* "Eddie" is overseeing the opening of a new Medieval theme park: if he succeeds, he'll have enough money to pay for his little kid's toenail transplant; if not, he'll be "right back at finger painting college". The funniest part is how much of the original characters personality remains intact: "Eddie"* Eddard Stark is the Only Sane Man who takes his responsibility a little too seriouslynote "Dang it Petey! Don't ever call it a Renaissance Faire, all right?!"; "Bobby B"* Robert Baratheon is a perpetual drunk, Big Eater who takes nothing seriously; "Jo Jo"* Joffrey Baratheon is a little shit nobody likes; "Terry"* Tyrion Lannister is the outspoken cool guy; "Denise"* Daenerys Targaryen is a popular but naÔve girl bullied by her loser brother; "Petey"* Petyr Baelish is a self proclaimed troll/pervert; "Susie"* Cersei Lannister is The Libby (and also a Hard-Drinking Party Girl) who takes shit from no one; "Ferris"* Varys is a sophisticated Sissy Villain and Pycelle is a secretly healthy senior that pretends to be a (literal) old fart. The only exceptions are Sansa, who displays her dislike of "Jo Jo" in public, and "Jimmy Whisper"* Jaime Lannister, a Cloud Cuckoo Lander (or possible Erudite Stoner) who speaks only in whispers.