The first line that King Robert says to his old friend Eddard Stark, after not having seen him for years:
You got fat.
Ned's reaction to this does not only amount to "I beg your pardon?" but "Look who's talking!" with just a quick glance and raised eyebrows. And you can see Ned struggling not to crack up, which both he and Robert promptly do a few seconds later.
Jaime talking about Robert "fucking boars and hunting whores, or is it the other way around?"
Almost every single Stark and Lannister is not only drinking heavily in an attempt to get through the coming feast without punching someone in the face, but also cheerfully admitting to their opposite numbers that that's what they're doing.
When the royal party arrives at Winterfell and Robb catches Sansa making eyes with Joffrey, he gives a subtle Death Glare combined with a What Does She See in Him? in Joffrey's direction.
Catelyn asks Sansa where Arya is and gets a tiny shrug and "how the hell should I know?" look in response. Sansa clearly couldn't care less.
Tyrion says he'll be too busy fucking his way through several whores to go to dinner. What does Jaime do? Bring in 4 more so his brother will be done in time to keep him company. And comes this hilarious line.
Tyrion:[As Jaime is leaving while Tyrion is being smothered by the whores] Close the door! [Jaime doesn't]
At the feast, Sansa and Jeyne are giggling and checking out Joffrey, and a bored Arya starts flicking food at her. Robb cracks up, until his mother gives him a pointed look, and then he hastily carries Arya off to bed.
"Dothraki weddings without at least three deaths are considered a dull affair."
The first time Viserys drops the F-bomb. It's shockingly funny because one, it's in a medieval fantasy setting where you don't expect it (maybe from earthy types like Robert but not from evil princes) and two; he says it in a soft, tender sort of way to his innocent little sister even though what he's describing is something absolutely horrible.
2 — The Kingsroad
Joffrey saying he won't talk to Catelyn because he "can't stand the wailing of women." He looks at the Hound all "amirite, bro?" and the Hound, suffice it to say, does not respond with a high-five. Tyrion responds with a high-five across Joffrey's face.
Tyrion repeatedly slapping◊ Joffrey across the face for not showing sympathy to the Starks over Bran's fall, while Joffrey's bodyguard Sandor Clegane just stands there, uncaring.
After Joffrey has stormed off, the Hound warns Tyrion that Joffrey won't forget getting slapped around. Tyrion shrugs it off, basically saying that if Joffrey does forget, for the Hound to be a "good dog and remind him."
Arya trying to show Jon her direwolf (Nymeria) helping her pack.
Arya: Jon, watch this. Nymeria! Gloves!
Arya:[Indignantly] Shut up. [Clears throat and speaks firmly and clearly] Nymeria! Gloves!
Nymeria:[Tilts head and looks at Arya quizzically]
Robert Baratheon gave this little gem when he hears about Joffrey and Arya's fight.
Baratheon: You let that little girl disarm you?
Jaime responds to Cersei asking about what would happen if Robert found out about their relationship, Jaime replies, "I'll go to war with him if it comes to that. Maybe they'll write a song about us: The War for Cersei's Cunt. Cersei slaps him once... and then when Jaime tries to talk, she tries to slap him a second time, perhaps giving an indication of where Tyrion picked up the habit.
3 — Lord Snow
Jorah and Rakharo have a friendly conversation comparing Dothraki and Westerosi weapons, which moves on to a discussion of their parents. Jorah remarks that he betrayed his father, a man of great honor. Rakharo's resulting facial expression is priceless.
In the previous epsiode, Tyrion said he wanted to stand atop the Wall and "piss off of the edge of the world". Guess what happens in this one?
In his first appearance, Littlefinger is quickly established as amusingly slimy and gets slapped by Catelyn and choke-slammed by Ned for it. After the latter happens, he gets a great Shakespearean villain aside where he comments, "Ah, the Starks — quick tempers, slow minds..."
A small one; when Rhakharo asks Dany if she wants him to take off Viserys's ear to teach him respect, Dany says no and that she doesn't want her brother harmed. Irri translates this for Rhakharo, and he basically gives her a look that screams 'Say what?' She in turn gives him the tiniest shrug that clearly says 'Yeah, I know, I don't get it either.' Meanwhile Viserys is still lying on the ground being choked until he turns red.
Littlefinger is very pleased to see Catelyn when she arrives at the brothel he owns, but she makes her displeasure at being escorted to such a place very clear. As he's trying to find words to defend himself two topless whores saunter into the room, and he makes frantic gestures for them to get out again; it's probably the only time (apart from when Ned's choke-slamming him) that we see the man flustered.
Ned choking Littlefinger. The fact that it comes out of nowhere and Littlefinger's eyes bug out make seeing the Manipulative Bastard be caught off guard extremely satisfying.
Not quite out of nowhere. Littlefinger did tell Ned that Ned's wife could be found at the local whorehouse.
When Dany's maid is trying to find something other than horse for her to eat now she's pregnant, Jorah cuts into her suggestions with an utterly deadpan "I don't think she wants to eat dog."
Hearing King Robert roar "YOU SMELL LIKE BLACKBERRY JAM!" (at a prostitute he's with) from inside a bedchamber.
Grenn's overacting when he gets Sam to hit him. "I yield! I yield!"
Jon bares his soul to Samwell about being unable to sleep with a prostitute at the thought of fathering a bastard of his own. Samwell's response: "So... you didn't know where to put it!"
King Robert Baratheon becoming impatient during the tourney.
Robert: We've been sittin' here for days! START THE DAMN JOUST BEFORE I PISS ME-SELF!
5 — The Wolf and the Lion
King Robert about to walk out of his tent wearing most unkingly attire, before Ned stops him.
Robert: Oh. [laughs] An inspiring sight for the people, hey? Come, bow before your king! Bow, you shits!
Tyrion and Bronn having a little conversation on the defenses of the Eyrie, hinting at a beautiful friendship to come.
Tyrion: They say it's impregnable.
Bronn: Give me ten good men and some climbing spikes and I'll impregnate the bitch.
Tyrion: ... I like you.
Bronn sees that Tyrion has killed one of the marauders that attacked Catelyn's party, and brings up the fact that you always need a woman after a kill. Tyrion looks over at Catelyn (who is out of earshot) and comments, "I'm willing if she is."
Littlefinger and Renly at the tournament. You can almost suspect Littlefinger of intentionally losing the bet just to have a chance to say it.
Renly: "Such a shame. It would have been so nice for you to have a friend."
Littlefinger: "And when will you be "having" your friend?"
Even better, throughout the conversation as Lysa becomes more overtly crazy, Catelyn and Tyrion keep exchanging "what is this I don't even" glances with each other.
Catelyn's expression is even funnier in all her interactions with Lysa, a slow realization, "All of a sudden this wasn't such a bright idea after all".
Arya's exasperation at being repeatedly mistaken for a boy.
Catelyn takes Tyrion prisoner for the attempt on Bran's life and drags him to her sister's domain to stand trial. When they get there, Lady Arryn accuses him of being involved with Jon Arryn's death as well. Tyrion's response?
When Loras proclaims Sandor Clegane the winner of the jousting, and the crowd is cheering, the Hound gives everybody an adorably awkward little nod, like he's not sure how he's supposed to behave in such situation.
A brief moment of dark humor in an otherwise dramatic scene during Robert's conversation with Cersei.
Robert: We haven't had a real fight in nine years. Backstabbing doesn't prepare you for a fight and that's all the realm is now. Backstabbing and scheming and arselicking and money grubbing. Sometimes I don't know what holds it together.
The best part is that his "confession" starts off somewhat serious sounding, and it isn't immediately obvious that he's winding everyone up. It isn't until he gets to the anecdote about the servant girl, specifically the bit about her tits, that it's evident he's not taking the trial seriously.
"...into the turtle stew, which my sister ate. At least, I hope she did." And everyone's reactions to that as well.
After Catelyn reminds Tyrion that he stands accused of conspiracy to murder both Jon Arryn and Bran Stark, Tyrion replies with hilariously perfect cherubic innocence "Oh I'm very sorry. I don't know anything about all that."
Tyrion channeling Basil Fawlty while trying to explain the concept of notional debt to the dimwitted Mord. "Sometimes possession is an abstract concept—" *thunk*
Tyrion, having spent half an episode's worth trying to tell Mord he has gold to pay with, and getting whacked with a cudgel for his efforts, eventually gets a foothold with Mord knowing the phrase "rich as a Lannister". Nothing quite matches the pained look on Tyrion's face as he tells Mord, not believing himself for a second, "You're a... Smart... Man."
Bronn's brilliant Deadpan Snarker response to Lysa's criticism of his fighting style:
Lysa: You don't fight with honor!
Bronn: No. (nods toward the hole he dropped Ser Vardis Egan's body through) He did.
Syrio explaining to Arya that fighting doesn't happen when you're "dancing in the field with your dolls and kittens" and Arya indignantly insisting that she does not like dolls and kittens.
Sansa being snarky with Septa Mordane.
Sansa: Where are you from, anyway? The north or the south?
Septa Mordane:[clearly pleased to be asked] I come... from a very small village in a—
Sansa: Oh wait... I just realized... I don't care.
Ned broaches the topic of leaving King's Landing to his daughters. Upon Sansa's reaction to not wanting to leave Prince Joffrey:
Sansa:: I don't want to go, I love him! I'm meant to be his queen and have his babies...
There's one truly hilarious moment in the otherwise dark hunting scene before Robert is killed. The king is loudly re-living the good old days, boasting about how he's slept with eight girls, one from each of the Seven Kingdoms and one from the Riverlands, and how you're not a real man unless you've "made the eight". He's really rubbing it in Renly's face, and Barristan Selmy and Lancel are getting more and more uncomfortable. Renly finally snaps and calls into question the so-called nobility of the old days. He then flounces off, leaving behind the most awkward silence imaginable. Lancel's response?
Lancel: More wine, Your Grace?
Jorah confronts Viserys as he attempts to steal the three dragon eggs from his sister.
Viserys: If I sell one egg, I'll have enough to buy a ship. Two eggs, a ship and an army.
Jorah: And you have all three.
Viserys: I need a large army.
7 — You Win or You Die
Maester Aemon's utterly serious warning to a new steward about his assigned master: "Make no comment about his nose."
After Jon Snow is appointed a steward:
Jon Snow: "I just, I always wanted to be a ranger."
Samwell: "I always wanted to be a wizard.
As Littlefinger instructs Ros and Amerca on how to properly pleasure a man including faking their own pleasure, he launches into a Motive Rant, interrupted by him casually tossing out "play with her arse" and then continuing on without breaking stride.
8 — The Pointy End
Cersei's reaction when Sansa says she'll be a good, trustworthy queen just like her.
"Your meat.... is bloody tough!"
The second time Robb speaks in a deadly calm tone to the Greatjon, the Greatjon backs down. It may be an editing error, but it sounds like Grey Wind makes a faintly disappointed noise. I guess he's tasty.
When Tyrion is asked how he'd like to die, he responds "At the age of 80, in bed, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock."
Shagga's earnest nod of agreement when Tyrion finishes his Catch Phrase for him.
Shagga, son of Dolf: "Shagga, son of Dolf, will chop off your manhood — "
Tyrion: " — and feed it to the goats, yes."
Tyrion introducing his "unwashed" allies to Tywin, whose poker face and unamused stance resembles a father who is meeting the completely inadequate suitor of his daughter. Bronn then ices the cake when he subverts the whole I Am X, Son of Y thing.
Barristan Selmy quitting the Kings Guard.
Barristan: (strips his cape and gloves) I am a knight. I shall die a knight!
Tyrion gives a Rousing Speech to the hill tribes and they run off to battle... and then one of the tribesmen accidentally hits Tyrion in the head with a war hammer, knocking him out cold.
Bronn: You're a shit warrior.
Bronn's advice to Tyrion before the battle: "Stay low."
Tyrion:(incredulous) "Stay low"?
When Tyrion meets Shae, he asks "what kind of accent that is". Her answer? "Foreign." Tyrion's face after she says it is priceless.
Catelyn and Robb's discussion of his being betrothed to one of Walder Frey's daughters. Specifically when Robb asks for his mother's assessment of Lord Frey's daughters and she says, "One was..." and trails off, clearly unable to think of anything complimentary that wasn't a bald-faced lie. Well, Theon found it hilarious, at least.
Varys: I must be one of the few men in this city who doesn't want to be King. Petyr: You must be one of the few men in this city who isn't a man. Varys: Tsk. You can do better than that. Petyr: When they castrated you, did they take the pillar with the stones? I've always wondered. Varys: Have you? Do you spend a lot of time wondering what's between my legs? Petyr: I picture a gash like a woman's. Is that about right? Varys: I am flattered, of course, to be pictured at all. Petyr: Must be strange for you, even after all these years a man from another land, despised by most, feared by all. Varys: Am I? That is good to know. Do you lie awake at night fearing my gash?
Lancel, Cersei's newest lover, thinking that she actually wants political advice from him and while she sees him as little more than a boytoy/Jaime substitute.
Yoren's warnings to Arya as he takes her away to a pack of prisoners bound to join the Night's Watch are funny in a morbid sort of way, especially the last part.
"Half of them would turn you over to the king quick as spit for a pardon, and the other half would do the same except they'd rape ya first. So keep to yourself, and when you piss, do it in the woods, alone."
When Jaimie admits to Catelyn that he pushed Bran off the window and she asks why, his delivery of the line: "I...hoped the fall would kill him." is hilarious (in a dark way).
When the Northern lords are arguing which King they should pick in the war, one of them shouts "Renly is not right!" apropos to nothing. The show creators underline this in the commentary track, and say it was an ad-lib which they kept as a joke because of its ridiculousness.
1 — The North Remembers
Cersei and Littlefinger's verbal pissing contest, where they both passive-aggressively tell each other that they know each other's secrets, and then to one-up him Cersei has her guards seize him and order them to cut this throat, but then changes her mind, has the guards turn around, step forward and back and close their eyes, all to tell Littlefinger that while he has the knowledge, she has the power.
The "Warrior of Light" ceremony, in that it centers around Stannis, who has "this has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life" written all over his face.
Melisandre: For the night is dark and full of terrors.
(paaaaause, and then Melisandre gives Stannis a look)
Stannis: [unenthusiastically] For the night is dark and full of terror.
It really is a wonderfully hilarious Establishing Character Moment. Not only does he flub his half of the motto, he starts to trudge off before remembering his wife. He makes this awkward gesture to her, then trudges off without her anyway. Next scene, we get to see him dictatea letter.
Tyrion's left field comment about Cersei's only redeeming qualities being her love for her kids... and her cheekbones.
Ros bossing around other whores with the exact same lines Littlefinger gave to her the previous season.
Stannis refusing to refer to Robert as his beloved brother in a letter because, as he points out, he didn't love him; and Davos's tiny "Oh my gods" look.
On the other hand he insists that Jaime (whom he's accusing of committing incest and adultery with king's wife) is called Ser Jaime the Kingslayer, because, well, he is a knight.
Daenerys' posthumous Take That to her late brother: "My brother didn't know anything about dragons." beat "He didn't know anything about anything."
Tyrion's entire arrival in King's Landing: subtly mocking Joffrey to his face before walking away followed by a bunch of hill tribesman, and thoroughly pissing off Cersei by springing on her during a small council meeting that Tywin appointed him acting Hand. Particular mention to his outraged reaction to learning that they only have one Stark left to bargain with.
Tyrion: Beloved nephew. We looked for you on the battlefield, but you were nowhere to be found. Joffrey: Er, I've been here, ruling the kingdoms. Tyrion: And what a fine job you have done!
Sam hitching a ride on Grenn's sledge, to which Grenn says that he "killed" it.
Seeing Joffrey gets slapped again is more than satisfying, but the one doing it makes it even better: his own mom. His face right after is absolutely hilarious.
Craster to Jon Snow: "You're prettier than half my daughters." It's funny because it's true.
2 — The Night Lands
Tyrion inquiring about Bronn's boundaries:
Tyrion: If I told you to murder an infant girl, say, still at her mother's breast, would you do it without question?
Sallador Saan's first scene, in which he agrees to help Davos and Stannis in their assault on King's Landing with his pirate fleet on the condition that he'd get to plunder the city and "fuck the blonde queen Cersei and fuck her well":
Mathos(eyes wide in complete disbelief): This war isn't about you! We're not attacking King's Landing so you can rape the queen! Saan: I'm not going to rape her! I'm going to fuck her! Mathos: As if she would just let you?! Saan: You don't know how persuasive I am, boy. I've never tried to fuck you...! ** And Mathos jumping back a foot every time Saan goes near him after this comment.
And Davos, his father, laughing at him about it.
Saan (when Mathos starts preaching about the Lord of Light): The one true god is what's between a woman's legs, and better yet a queen's legs.
Saan (to Davos): You Westerosi are funny people, man chops off your fingers and you fall in love with him!
(Which is directed at Davos, but also a Call Back to the North's Greatjon Umber becoming Robb's most loyal bannerman after the latter's direwolf bites off half his hand during an altercation.)
The whole argument between the 'lads' about whether having armour on makes a fight a battle and a man a knight. Here's a hint from Gendry; it doesn't in either case. How does he know. "Because I sold armour."
A lot of the dialogue between Arya and Gendry in The Night Lands:
Gendry: You know you shouldn't insult people who are bigger than you. Arya: Then I wouldn't get to insult anyone.
Maisie Williams' utterly deadpan and despondent delivery of this line makes this scene hilarious.
Gendry is shocked to realize he's been pissing in front of a highborn lady.
Gendry: I should be calling you milady! Arya: Do not call me milady! Gendry: As milady commands. Arya:*shoves Gendry* Gendry: Well, that was unladylike. Arya:*pushes him to the ground*
Theon's expression, when he realises that sassy blonde he fingered on the way up to the castle is his SISTER.
There's also something humorous about the fact that every inhabitant of Pyke that Theon meets either trolls him or treats him with utter disdain...yes, even the Iron Islands hates Theon.
Old Man in Lordsport: What you carrying? Theon: Myrish oranges, wine from the Arbor and the heir to Pyke and the Iron Islands! (Old Man stares at him completely unimpressed) The only living son of Balon Greyjoy! (Old Man keeps staring) Me! Old Man in Lordsport: Don't like wine, woman's drink. — Balon (commenting on Theon's choice of attire): Was it Ned Stark's pleasure to make you his daughter? Balon: I'll not have my son dressed as a whore! — Theon: I told you to wait outside! How'd you get past the guards? Yara: Anything with a cock is easy to fool. — Theon: She can't lead an attack! Balon: And why not? Theon (points at Yara/Asha): You're a woman! Yara: You're the one in skirts.
Davos seems to excel at dropping snarky comments to his stoic king Stannis:
Stannis: How's it fare with your pirate?
Davos: Sallador Saan will join our fleet. 30 ships; his men know how to fight.
Stannis: In my experience pirates prefer fighting unarmed men.
Davos: It does seem the wiser choice.
And later when discussing the highborn not respecting lowborn Davos:
Stannis: You defend these men who insult you behind your back.
Davos: Well, some are happy to do it to my face.
Tyrion, in a conversation with Lord Janos Slynt, implies that he's corrupt.
Slynt: Are you drunk? I'll not have my honor questioned by an Imp!
It's the tone and the body language that really do it — as if he's saying something placating and friendly.
"I hope you enjoy the Wall. I found it surprisingly beautiful...in a brutal, horribly uncomfortable sort of way."
After Cersei gives a speech feeling sorry for herself and lamenting how she must be the responsible Lannister sibling:
Cersei: You've never taken it seriously! You haven't, Jaime hasn't! It's all fallen on me.
Tyrion: As has Jamie repeatedly, according to Stannis Baratheon.
3 — What Is Dead May Never Die
Renly's flabbergasted expression and his delivery of "What?!" when Margaery reveals that she knows full well about him and her brother, and is even willing to let Loras share their bed if it helps Renly get her pregnant.
Plus, when she first offers herself, Renly's reaction is pretty much "Eww, boobs!"
There's something comical and cute about Renly's attempt to slow things down by quoting philosophy ("Although some say that the beauty most desired is the beauty most concealed.") Oh Renly, your vast intellect isn't going to help you now.
You half expect Renly to run out of the tent screaming about cooties.
Shae is complaining about going stir-crazy cooped up in Tyrion's chambers, and when he shushes her because he's reading, she replies "why, you think your father can hear me? He's three hundred miles away!!"
"HO! Get up, you lazy sons of whores! There's men outside that want to FUCK YOUR CORPSES!"
Varys on being asked to keep a secret from Cersei: "I love conversations that begin this way."
Tyrion's subsequent hazing of the one revealed to be Cersei's snitch, Pycelle. Tyrion and his henchmen are obviously having way too much fun tormenting the guy.
Tyrion: ...cut off his manhood, and feed it to the goats. Pycelle: Wha-no, no, no! Timett: There are no goats, halfman! Tyrion: Well, make do! Tyrion, Timett and Bronn: *snicker*
Also amid all of this:
Tyrion: I don't like his beard. Pycelle's beard is promptly cut.
Tyrion leaving a second coin for the whore propels this scene to the top of this list.
Bronn reporting on Pycelle:
Bronn: Filthy old stoat. Almost hate to interrupt. Tyrion:No, you don't. Bronn: ...No, I don't.
4 — Garden of Bones
Two of Stafford Lannister's men playing "Who would kick whose ass" like a pair of fanboys.
"How good could he [Ser Loras] be? He's been stabbing Renly Baratheon for years, and Renly ain't dead!"
Tywin's unintentional Big Damn Heroes moment, largely for the utterly deadpan way he sees through and calls attention to Arya's disguise.
Tywin:(to Polliver) This one's a girl, you idiot.
Renly snarking on Stannis throughout their parley. "Born amidst salt and smoke? Is he a ham?"
Renly: Whose banner is that? Stannis: My own. Renly: [smiles] I suppose if we used the same one the battle would be terribly confusing... Why's your stag on fire?
Dany trying to convince Qarth's council to let her people into their city and mis-pronouncing it "Qwarth" and being politely corrected by their leader.
Especially as it's based on Qarth being one of the names that George RR Martin has received the most requests on how to pronounce.
The "WTF?!" reactions by non-book readers on Twitter to what happened at the end with Melisandre giving birth to a shadow demon. Including comments like "Did she just give birth to Venom/Hexxus/the smoke monster from LOST?" and "Her vagina is 'dark and full of terrors'" and "Why did Game of Thrones end with the most vile queef I have ever seen?" Carice van Houten's reply was equally hilarious.
Tyrion has a few excellent lines while calling out Joffrey and Ser Meryn for their brutal treatment of Sansa:
Joffrey: You can't talk to me like that! The king can do as he likes! Tyrion: The Mad King did as he liked. Has your Uncle Jaime ever told you what happened to him? Ser Meryn: No one threatens his Grace in the presence of the kingsguard! Tyrion: I am not threatening the king, Ser. I am educating my nephew. (To Bronn) Bronn, the next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. (To Meryn) That was a threat. See the difference?
And, naturally, Bronn's input afterward.
Bronn:(regarding Joffrey) There's no cure for being a cunt.
Tyrion blackmailing Lancel into spying on Cersei for him, then saying that he'll let Pycelle go as Lancel initially ordered as a complete afterthought. "I could say I hadn't harmed a single hair on his head, but that would not, strictly speaking, be true."
Also Lancel's puzzled look at that comment.
Davos and Stannis have a conversation discussing Davos' backstory, and Davos comments that because Stannis chopped off his fingertips, he now has four less finger nails. to clean. Stannis corrects Davos' grammar and tells him he means four fewer finger nails.
A Mood Whiplash moment considering what happens next, but the part where Davos is rowing Melisandre into shore allows them to get some nice digs in at each other. "I am a knight myself, of sorts. A champion of light and life." "That must be very nice for you."
Davos' face when Melisandre is birthing the shadow is also pretty hilarious.
5 — The Ghost of Harrenhal
That awkward moment after Jorah told Dany that "There are times I look at you and still can't believe you're real."
Rickon endlessly smashing nuts on the table as Bran holds court. And note that this is the first time he appears in the season.
After Lancel tells Tyrion about Cersei's stockpile of wildfire, Tyrion screws with him a bit before lamenting that it's boring, then makes him ask Bronn to kill him if anything happens to Tyrion.
Lancel: Please kill me if anything should happen to Lord Tyrion.
Bronn: (smugly) It will be my pleasure.
Another Tyrion moment, this exchange from his conversation with Cersei:
Cersei: Always so clever, with your schemes and plots.
Tyrion's reaction upon finding out from Bronn that the "Demon Monkey" controlling Joffrey the people are talking about is in fact him.
Tyrion talking to the alchemists about their wildfire stockpile:
Tyrion: I remember reading an old sailor's proverb. "Piss on wildfire, and your cock burns off."
Chief Alchemist: Oh! I've not conducted this experiment...
This is followed by:
Bronn: If I could tell you how many crazy old men I've seen pushing carts around army camps making grand claims about jars full of pig shit...
Chief Alchemist: Our order does not deal in pig shit!
Two of the Dothraki casually discussing the best way to loot Xaro's palace, starting with an enormous golden, bejeweled peacock, while Jorah just looks like he'd like to watch. And Dany's reaction, which can be summed up as "No! No stealing!". Then Kovarro takes a cup from a waiter just to empty it and keep it as a consolation prize.
While we are at Dany's entourage, her two handmaidens obviously fighting over her attention and approval.
Jorah wearing a bright blue ascot/scarf underneath the dirty shirt he's worn since the first episode. It looks like the sort of thing he had to be coaxed into wearing.
6 — The Old Gods and the New
When Theon storms into Bran's room and tells him to surrender Winterfell, and Bran's casual "No I won't." response. Just the look on Theon's face when he says that is priceless. He invaded Bran's castle with an army and is standing in the crippled boy's room with armed soldiers and he still doesn't get any respect. He has to sit down on the bed like an annoyed older brother and cajole Bran into surrendering the castle. Very few people can remain such total losers even when heading up a conquering army, but Theon is a very special case.
There's something hilarious about the look on Theon's face when Osha takes off her clothes in front of him. The combination of the wide eyes and the way he's still chewing on the apple makes him look surprisingly goofy considering the situation.
Robb watching Talisa walk away and being caught by Catelyn (who has a hilarious knowing smirk).
Robb: I've missed you.
Catelyn: Yes, you looked practically forlorn.
The scene where Sansa is about to be raped goes from absolute, teeth-clenching horror to pitch-black humor the moment Sandor Clegane arrives. Specifically the moment he grabs the leader of the thugs and lifts him up, and the expression on the guy's face as he realizes he's face-to-face with a none-too-happy Hound invokes the kind of dark "Heh, that guy is so screwed" sense of schadenfreude.
Shortly before that, the moment where the rioters tear apart the fat priest comes so unexpectedly and is so over the top it just ends up being funny, not to mention comparisons to a Zombie Apocalypse.
That one rioter who actually manages to hit the Hound with a rock...and ignores his exposed head in favor of his armored chest. What was he thinking?
Tyrion: We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!
Jaqen H'Gar letting his emotionless front drop with an exasperated sigh when Arya insists he kill Amory Lorch immediately.
It's also almost dark slapstick, when Lorch slams the door of Tywin's chamber open to inform his lord of Arya's crime, only to drop dead on the spot without saying a word.
The shift on Tywin's face from surprise to annoyance as he calls for the guards. He seems less concerned with the fact that one of his officers got assassinated and more that he has to find another idiot to replace him.
Jon's growing exasperation with Ygritte, not to mention her grinding against him, just to screw with his head.
Ygritte providing Jon Snow with the words that will eventually be his new Great House's motto: "You're brave. Stupid, but brave."
It's Black Comedy, but when the Lannisters are farewelling Myrcella, Cersei tells Tyrion that she wants him to know what it's like to love someone and have them ripped away from you. Tyrion's expression is priceless, it's like he's just thinking, 'Seriously?'.
7 — A Man Without Honor
The hilarious conversation Ygritte and Jon have, concerning men's "stones" and "bones", and whether or not they "get all swollen and bruised when you don't use them". Of which the crowning moment is definitely:
Theon tries to keep up his leader act by punching one of his men who talks back to him. The man goes down, but Theon's hand doesn't fare much better.
Luwin then snarks at him while they're trying to hunt down Bran and Rickon, pointing out that "So far, hunting seems little different from riding". Having remained a complete loser in front of a crippled boy in the last episode, Theon now has to endure helpless old men snarking at him, despite holding all the cards both times.
When Tywin tells Arya the story of how Aegon Targaeryn and his dragon burned Harrenhal and its king she reminds him that his two sisters also were responsible and proceeds to name them, the dragons they rode and their swords. An impressed Tywin tells her most girls prefer to be like the pretty maidens of songs with flowers in their hair. True to form, Arya retorts without missing a beat...
Arya: Most girls are idiots.
You know you've dropped a good one when you manage to make Tywin bark out a laugh.
Jaime's endless river of snark, intermixed with his biting assessment of Catelyn. Especially his reaction to Brienne.
"Is that a woman?"
Even better, her presence seems to confuse him so much he interrupts one of his speeches to ask about her again.
The crowning moment comes when Catelyn orders Brienne while Jaime tries to remember Jon Snow's name. Catelyn first says "Brienne" to which Jaime responds without missing a beat "No, that's not it." and continues trying to remember the name.
This little bit when Cersei and Tyrion discuss how they plan to defend King's Landing from Stannis Baratheon's forces:
Cersei: We have strong high walls. We'll rain fire down on them from above. Tyrion "Rain fire on them from above?" You're quoting father aren't you? Cersei: And why not? He's a good mind for strategy doesn't he? Tyrion: (Sotto-voce): We call it tactics, not strategy, but yes, he does have a good mind for it!
Jon's horror on waking up in a certain position with Ygritte — which she then proceeds to milk for every single bit it's worth.
Pretty much every scene with Jon and Ygritte. She needles that vow of celibacy relentlessly.
Ygritte: Do you have sheep at the Wall? ...With your hands then? No wonder you're all so miserable....
Her threatening to lie about Jon breaking his vow is epic and hilarious:
Ygritte: I swear it old Master King Crow sir! We were only close together for warmth, and then I felt it! Right up against me backside like a club! I can show you the bruise on me tailbone. And before I knew what was where his...his.. Well it was all out in the open all angry as you like and I didn't want to want it, but ohh-h! I did! And he spread me legs and... ruined! The shame of it! Now I can never marry a perfumed lord! What will me poor savage father say? Jon Snow: Turn back around. Ygritte: And I thought we were done but he said: (deep voice) "Turn back around."
Best part about the whole thing is the expression on Jon's face. He's caught somewhere between being embarrassed, laughing, and pissed off, and doesn't know how he should feel while she's mocking him.
8 — The Prince of Winterfell
Jaime and Brienne's entire interaction, with Jaime constantly needling Brienne and her constantly verbally slapping him down (and also taking the oppurtunity to force him to his knees for the 'horses' comment as well as the need to hide.)
"Are you the dumbest cunt alive?" Why, yes, Yara. Yes, Theon is.
Yara mocking Theon by wondering who gave him the tougher fight: the six year-old or the cripple?
And this is after she arrived at Winterfell by riding a circle around him, having her men totally ignore him, and start scoffing down his food without, apparently, any sort of greeting or invitation.
Honestly the entire What an Idiot speech Yara gave Theon after he revealed that he got tricked by Bran and company.
Tyrion, Bronn and Varys planning how to combat Stannis' forces. Well, Tyrion's trying to; Bronn and Varys aren't exactly helping. They do give us some great quips, though.
Specifically, Bronn just wants to clean his nails, much to Tyrion's frustration. And when Tyrion asks him to wear the goldcloak, Bronn argues it incessantly until Tyrion gives up. Then, when Varys arrives, he goes right back to picking his nails.
Also, even Tyrion can't pronounce all of George R.R. Martin's elaborate names! What makes it especially funny is that Bronn and Tyrion go back and forth for a few moments trying to figure out how to pronounce this particular author's name, and then Varys comes and (naturally) pronounces it correctly without a second thought, as if were the easiest thing in the world. Tyrion and Bronn exchange an exasperated look. "Of course you'd know how to pronounce it, smartass."
Varys: If Stannis does attack the Mud Gate, what is our plan? Bronn: We can throw books at his men. Varys: We don't have that many books. Bronn: We don't have that many men either.
And again, when Bronn explains his reasons for killing all the known thieves in King's Landing:
Varys: "Given the circumstances, my lord, I believe extreme measures are warranted."
Incidentally, if you look closely, you see Lord Varys himself struggling not to laugh as Tyrion makes those sarcastic comments to Joffrey.
When Joffrey states that "now is the time to strike" while all the men are preparing for Stannis' siege you can quickly see him open-mouthed looking at Tyrion as if he is in disbelief of how stupid that was.
An insightful discussion on theology in Westeros:
Tyrion: "The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned. The Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where's the god of tits and wine?" Varys: "In the Summer Isles they worship a fertility goddess with sixteen teats." Tyrion: "We should sail there immediately."
Cersei explaining what makes Varys so dangerous:
Cersei: "He has no cock." Tyrion: "Neither do you."
Stannis recounting how when Davos got through the siege at Storm's End with food:
Stannis: "You slipped right through in your little black-sailed boat with your onions." Davos: "And potatoes, and some salted beef, I believe." Stannis: "Every man on Storm's End wanted to kiss you that night." Davos: "I was relieved they did not."
When Arya sees Jaqen after failing to get him to kill Tywin and furiously asks him where he's been:
Jaqen: "A man has patrol duty."
"Unname me." "No." "Please?" You know things are getting a little out of hand when a fully-grown, master assassin is begging a little girl for his life.
The above exchange leads to:
Jaqen: A girl lacks honor. (Arya shrugs as if to say "Yeah, so?")
Bronn tending to his job of protecting the city.
Bronn: Me and the lads rounded up all the known thieves. Tyrion: For questioning? Bronn: Uh, no. It's just the unknown thieves we need to worry about now.
9 — Blackwater
Tyrion's understated "Oh, fuck me" when he sees the men he's just defeated aren't nearly as much of the enemy army as they appeared.
Sandor's brief but memorable Rousing Speech to his men as he charges out of the gates
"Any man dies with a clean sword, I'LL RAPE HIS FUCKING CORPSE!!!!"
"Any of those flamingfucking arrows come near me, and I'll strangle you with your own guts."
Many of Sandor's lines after retreating behind the lines:
Sansa's entire pre-battle exchange with Joffrey, doubling as a Crowning Moment Of Awesome as she tries to goad Joffrey into fighting in the much more dangerous vanguard position by saying that of course he'll ride in the vanguard, since Robb does and he's "only a pretender."
Sansa's conversation with Tyrion, in which she subtly lets him know exactly what she thinks of the Lannisters.
Sansa: I pray for your safe return.
Tyrion: (pleased) Do you?
Sansa: Yes. Just as I pray for our king.
As they're preparing for the battle, Bronn asks Tyrion if he knows how to use the ax he's armed himself with. Tyrion's response?
"I chopped wood once. No, wait, I watched my brother chop wood."
A moment that manages to be both funny and heartwarming; Tyrion calls Bronn his friend.
Bronn: Oh, are we friends?
Tyrion: Of course! The fact that I pay you doesn't diminish our friendship!
Bronn: Rather enhances it, I think.
Tyrion: Ooh, 'enhances'. Fancy words from a sellsword!
Bronn: I've been livin' with fancy folk.
After Bronn and some soldiers sing The Rains of Castamere in a tavern before the battle, one of the men asks Bronn where he learned "the Lannister song". Bronn's reply? "Drunk Lannisters."
The exchange between Joffrey and Tyrion on the ramparts just prior to the battle, where they pass comments and insults to each other via the Hound and Lancel.
Joffrey: Hound tell the hand that that his king asked him a question!
Sandor: (sighs) The king has asked you a question.
Tyrion: Ser Lancel, tell the Hound to tell the king that the hand is extremely busy.
Lancel: (to the Hound) Sir, the Hand would like me to tell you, to tell the king—
Varys' comment about the bells.
Varys: Always hated the bells. They ring for horror. A dead king. A city under siege.
Tyrion: A wedding.
Cersei's reaction to Sansa leading prayers.
Drunk Cersei: (amused yet incredulous) What are you doing? Sansa: Praying. Drunk Cersei: (voice dripping with contempt and bile) You're perfect aren't you?
The disinterested yet gloating way Cersei delivers the line: "I'm afraid these fine ladies are in for a bit of a rape".
Drunk Cersei complaining bitterly about how when she and Jaime were young not even their father could tell them apart but that they were still treated differently as they got older.
Drunk Cersei: Jaime was taught to fight with sword and lance and mace and I was taught to smile and sing and please. He was heir to Casterly Rock and I was sold to some stranger like a horse to be ridden whenever he desired.
Sansa: You were Robert's queen!
Drunk Cersei: And you will be Joffrey's. Enjoy.
Tyrion's quips to Joffrey:
Joffrey: I could tell the Hound to cut you in half!
Tyrion: That would make me a quarter-man. Just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Tyrion's inspirational speech to rally his men before taking the fight to Stannis.
Tyrion: Those are brave men knocking on our door. Let's go kill them!
Tyrion waddling onto the screen and hacking a man's leg off with an axe and killing him is darkly humourous.
When he takes off his helm, Loras should be covered in blood, sweat and grime after slaying a large number of Stannis' soldiers, yet he looks like he just stepped out of a hair salon or a teen magazine! In addition to being clean, not a single strand on his curly head is out of place (and he even performs a mild Hair Flip). A popular animated gif on tumblr◊ pokes fun at this highly improbable moment.
Loras' pristine condition becomes even more ridiculous when Tywin walks in moments later because the old man is covered in blood, sweat and grime.
10 — Valar Morghulis
Tywin's horse taking a dump in the Red Keep.
A very small moment is Sansa's reaction to her engagement to Joffrey being revoked. She acts like she's heartbroken and depressed about it, but when she turns and walks out of the court, she smirks and chuckles to herself in sheer relief at the prospect of being free at last! And seeing as we hadn't seen Sansa smile or laugh in a long time, it's very pleasing as well.
Varys' "Bitch, please" look when Ros feels between his legs.
Jaime is completely gobsmacked at Brienne's swift massacre of the rapists — and he even partakes in a Quizzical Tilt as she finishes off the last one.
Everything involving Theon and the Bolton hornblower in the Season 2 finale.
Theon: (while trying to sleep) I will kill that man. I don't care how many arrows they feather me with, how many spears they run through me, I will kill that horn-blowing cunt before I fall. [later] I will kill that man. I swear it to the Drowned God, the Old Gods, the New Gods, to every fucking God in every fucking heaven, I will kill that man! — Theon: (in the middle of giving a Rousing Speech) AND WHOEVER KILLS THAT FUCKING HORNBLOWER WILL STAND IN BRONZE ABOVE THE SHORES OF PYKE!
It takes a sharp turn into morbidly hilarious when the hornblower in question is revealed to be Ramsay Snow himself in Season 3.
Theon and Maester Luwin discussing his situation:
Theon: Send more ravens! Luwin:[tiredly] You killed all the ravens.
Theon's speech as a whole as he tries, once more, to be pretty awesome and just falls flat. Not necessarily because the speech itself wasn't completely kickass, but right at the end, when he gets whacked on the head by his own man.
"Thought he would never shut up." "It was a good speech. I didn't want to interrupt."
When Jon's in the Wildling camp, he sees a rather interesting sight — a frickin' giant. Ygritte casually asks if it's the first time he's seen one; all he can do is nod with the most amazing pole-axed expression on his face.
Tormund Giantsbane's amused reaction when Jon mistakes him for the King Beyond the Wall.
Tormund: "Your Grace?" You hear that? Now all you better kneel every time I fart!"
Bronn's look of complete and utter irritation at being called away by Podrick with an urgent message from Tyrion, just as he was about to remove his prostitute's remaining undergarments with his teeth.
Bronn: I will murder you, boy!
Bronn asking for his wages to be doubled since he's now a Knight.
Tyrion: I don't even know how much I pay you now.
Bronn: That means you can afford it.
The entire back and forth between Kraznys, the owner of the Unsullied slave army, and his translator Missandei as Dany looks over the soldiers, as she has to invent most of his entire side of the conversation off the top of her head, as he's spent most of it insulting Dany and Jorah. In particular, the bit after she translates Jorah's comment about all men fearing death.
Kraznys: Tell the old man he smells like piss.
Kraznys: Of course not! Are you a girl or a goat, to ask this?
Davos asks Salladhor Saan a favor as a friend, saying Saan was at his wedding. He replies that Davos was at four of his.
The dinner scene with Cersei, Joffrey, Margaery and Loras. Just witnessing two of the most loathed characters in the series be in such an uncomfortable and awkward position (while still seeing fit to spew snark and contempt for each other) simply because the Tyrells are smugly playing up their Incorruptible Pure Pureness image for all its worth, as well as the fact Cersei and Joffrey are both majorly in their debt, is just epic.
Joffrey having to think for a moment before saying "charitable works" like the concept was completely foreign to him!
Joffrey squirming in his tiny litter (which resembles an undersized medieval TARDIS) at being back where he was nearly lynched and his utter terror of being near to his subjects again is hilarious, as is his Oh Crap face when he realizes his new fiance is going to be far less submissive and easy to push around.
The Dothraki traveling by boat for the first time and getting seasick.
When Cersei makes the same joke as Pycelle last season: "You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees." Cersei seems so proud of herself for saying what she probably thought was the most ingenious jab against her brother ever. Tyrion's unimpressed reaction sells it.
As Loras walks away, Sansa is so distracted by his cute butt that she almost forgets that Margaery is there.
Olenna Tyrell is a nonstop source of this, tossing off bon mots worthy of the Dowager Countess of Grantham, including calling her son an idiot for getting them involved with Renly, and only reacting with mild disappointment when Sansa reveals what a monster her soon to be grandson-in-law is.
Olenna: Loras is young, and very good at knocking men off horses with a stick. That does not make him wise. As to your fathead father... — Olenna: (to Sansa) "Come sit with me, dear, I'm much less boring than these others." — Olenna: We should have stayed well out of all this, if you'd ask me. But, once the cow's been milked there's no squirting the cream back up her udder, so here we are, to see things through. — Olenna: (to a servant) Are you going to bring the food, or do you mean to starve us to death? — Olenna: Do you know my son? The lord of Highgarden? Sansa: I haven't had the pleasure. Olenna: It's no great pleasure, believe me. Ponderous oaf. My husband was an oaf as well, the late lord Luthor. He managed to ride off a cliff whilst hawking. — Sansa: The king is as brave as a lion. Olenna: Yes, yes, all Lannisters are lions. And when a Tyrell farts it smells like a rose. — Olenna: Tell me about this 'Joffrey.' Has this boy mistreated you? Sansa: ... Olenna: Has he ripped out your tongue?
Thoros of Myr and Anguy speaking in reaction of Hot Pie:
Anguy: (looks at Hot Pie attempting to climb a small wall) "Half the country is starving and look at this one."
Thoros: (looks at Hot Pie and chuckles) "Maybe he is the reason half the country's starving."
Gendry playing the Audience Surrogate for how badly Arya played Jaqen's deal of three deaths.
Mance Rayder describes the impossibly complicated enmities between the Wildling tribes, including that all the others hate the Cave People (apparently the equivalent of the Greyjoys).
Jaime's snark almost reaches critical mass when he's needling Brienne about Renly having been gay.
Jaime: It's a shame the throne isn't made out of cocks, they'd have never got him off it.
Jaime also says he knew Renly was gay ever since they first met as little kids.
Crowning Moment of Funny earlier, when Jaime noticed that Brienne fancied Renly, he comments that Renly wouldn't have been interested in her, since she looks too much like a man, and Renly prefers curly little girls like Ser Loras Tyrell.
An unusually flustered Tyrion struggling to explain that just because he thinks Sansa is objectively attractive, that doesn't mean he's attracted to her.
And earlier when Shae realises how and why Tyrion knows Ros.
Tyrion: Yes well, we shouldn't be judgmental about these things...
Jaime trying to negotiate with a Bolton commander (Locke) who clearly knows how lords deal with subordinates.
Jaime: Let us go, my father will pay you whatever you want.
Locke: Enough to buy me a new head?
There's something darkly funny about Joffrey acting like a schoolboy with a crush around Margaery due to her talking about murdering things.
Also Margaery hinting/explaining to Joffrey why she and Renly never had sex because he was gay. She first says that Renly always made excuses to avoid sleeping with her... except one night when he got drunk and "suggested something that sounded very painful and couldn't possibly result in children."
Also hilarious is watching Margaery pretending to be eating out of Joffrey's hand, after seeing how politically-savvy she is. After several seasons of him abusing Sansa, it's satisfying to watch his next betrothed play him like a violin. Especially funny is the fact that while Joffrey is someone who is horribly misogynistic, he's completely willing to let Margaery go on a hunt with him (and says that women hunting "is not unheard of") just because she expressed interest in going with him. Also murder.
Listening to Cersei Slut Shaming Margaery is hilarious because really, what's some cleavage next to cheating on your (admittedly even more promiscuous) husband with your twin brother and then cheating on your twin brother with your first cousin whenever he's out of town?
There is something funny about Jojen never losing his affable tone of voice even when he has a spear on his neck, without shame admitting he's a Non-Action Guy and his sister was a much better fighter and continuing his conversation with that same friendly tone
Later Meera's fondly amused look on her face when she sees Bran and Jojen talking and her glib snarky "why don't you ask them" answer to Osha's question of what where Jojen and Brann talking about. She seems quite aware her brother comes of as mysterious and a bit of a Creepy Child at first glance and is fully capitalizing on it.
Lord Commander Mormont's succinct and successful method of getting Sam back on his feet, when he hears from his cohorts how Sam's struggling to go on.
Mormont: Tarly, I forbid you to die.
Tyrion wonders "Is there an idiot in any village that trusts Littlefinger?" Oh, Ned...
3 — Walk of Punishment
Tywin's first small council meeting is both funny and interesting because it's a psychological portrait of the various characters. First Varys, Littlefinger, Tyrion, and Pycelle all step into the chamber and see that Tywin has rearranged the seats: whereas before they were all spaced fairly evenly around the table, now there is only one chair located at the head of the table (Tywin's), and all the rest are arranged in a single line down one side of the table. Tywin takes his seat and stares at them intently, while they all remain frozen, unsure what to do. Finally Varys seems about to make a move, but before he can act Littlefinger suddenly darts forward, and takes the seat nearest to Tywin. Varys and Pycelle follow, taking the next two seats. Cersei now enters the room and observes the situation. She wordlessly strides over to the table, picks up the fourth chair, carries it around the table, and sets it down next to her father on the other side, and takes her seat. All eyes now turn to Tyrion. He too wordlessly strides over to the table, and slowly and methodically begins to drag the last chair to the opposite end of the table, and sets it up directly facing his father. Finally, Tyrion speaks:
Tyrion: Intimate. Lovely table. Better chairs than the old small council chamber. Conveniently close to your own quarters, I like it!
When Littlefinger starts talking about his plan to wed Lysa Arryn, Varys does his trademark "Oh my god" eye roll.
Even funnier, after Littlefinger's words "positively predisposed towards me" you can see Varys making a "blowjob" gesture with his tongue against his cheek at Tyrion and Tyrion supressing a grin.
Tyrion points out that sending out Littlefinger, the Master of Coin, right before the most expensive event of the season (the royal wedding), is troublesome at best, to which everyone responds with silent, annoyed agreement. Then, Tywin one-ups Tyrion by naming him the new Master of Coin to his son's utter perplexion — since everyone in the room, including him, know that considering his liberal attitude towards money he is the worst possible candidate. They smugly wish him luck, with Pycelle ending it with a "hear, hear".
At Lord Hoster Tully's Viking Funeral his son Edmure attempts to fire a flaming arrow to set the boat on fire and misses. Three times. While the boat is getting further and further away. After the third time Blackfish just shoves him out of the way and hits with the first shot, and then tosses the bow back at his nephew with a look of utter disdain. Hilarious and a great Establishing Character Moment for both of them.
Blackfish doesn't even wait to see the boat catch fire. As soon as he fires his arrow, he turns around and tosses the bow to Edmure, proceeding to walk off, an Unflinching Walk without the explosion.
Robb could barely keep from laughing during Edmure's failed attempts. And Catelyn shoots him an absolutely perfect Death Glare when he does and gives a massive side eye to her brother. It's also a great reminder that despite being King Robb is still only a teenager.
It's not only Robb, as you can hear several people in the background desperately trying not to laugh.
Littlefinger's advice to Tyrion on becoming the new Master of Coin? "Keep a low profile."
Tyrion trying to explain the concept of borrowing money to Bronn. When it comes to explaining how he'd possibly force his badass sellsword to pay his debts, Tyrion just gives up and says with irritation, "This is why I don't lend you money."
Tyrion gives the virgin Podrick a night with three prostitutes as a reward for loyal service. Later, to Tyrion and Bronn's utter amazement, Podrick was apparently so good that the prostitutes wouldn't take any money. They immediately ask him for details.
Tyrion:(as Podrick walks into the room) "Ah, the return of the conquering hero. Does he have a bit of a jaunt in his step?"
Bronn: "The lad's practically skipping."
Tyrion: "You were gone a long time. I trust you got your money's worth. Or should I say my money's worth."
*Podrick places the purse of gold Tyrion gave him on the table.*
Tyrion:(confused) "It was a gift, Podrick. This is more than I give you in a year."
Bronn: "He's a squire. You don't pay him."
Tyrion: "Oh. Then it's much more than I give you in a year."
Tyrion:(overly patient) "And they seemed to like these things?"
Podrick: "Yes, my lord."
Bronn: "Of course they seemed to like it, they're paid to seem to like it."
Tyrion: "Only they weren't paid."
Bronn: "What are you saying? That these ladies enjoyed him so much, they gave him the time for free?"
Tyrion: "Is that what you're telling us?"
* Podrick giving Tyrion a magnificently satisfied little smirk; Tyrion looking at him in disbelief. *
Tyrion: "Sit down, Podrick. * pours everyone a cup of wine * We're going to need details. Copious details."
And one of their techniques is called the Meereenese Knot. Anyone familiar with George R.R. Martin's posts while writing A Dance with Dragons laughed their asses off.
Anguy the Archer taunting Sandor, one of the deadliest killers in the land.
Anguy: [Placing a bag over his head] Sorry about this, but you're an ugly fucker, and I don't want to see you no more. [Smacks his head against the frame of a door] Watch your head.
Though the scene as a whole is a big Tearjerker or Moment of Heartwarming, Gendry and Hot Pie's incredibly awkward goodbye is hilarious.
Hot Pie: Don't get stabbed.
Gendry: Don't...burn your fingers...
Also Hot Pie's goodbye gift to Arya — a piece of bread shaped (somewhat) like a wolf.
For once it's Brienne who's getting in some digs at Jaime, who gets rather petulant: "I've been sitting in a muddy pen wrapped in chains for the past year!!!" Also, "You were not beating me!". Jaime gets so irritated by being one-upped by Brienne his only retort is to mutter that she will be raped by the Boltons tonight... and at that point all humor decidedly leaves the scene.
Reverse Mood Whiplash when a metal cover of The Bear and the Maiden Fair is played over the credits after Jaime's hand is chopped off.
4 — And Now His Watch is Ended
Olenna continues to snark at everyone and anyone in sight over everything.
Olenna: Are you here to seduce me?
Varys: A little obvious perhaps...
Olenna: Oh no please, seduce away! It's been so long. But I rather think it's all for naught; what happens when the nonexistent bumps against the decrepit? (Varys looks down at his groin and up again in shock) ...A question for the philosophers.
Olenna's off the cuff burn of Sansa.
Olenna: Why shouldn't I take an interest (in Sansa)? She's an interesting girl.
Varys: Is she?
Olenna: No, not particularly.
Olenna's rant about Sigil Spamming, especially since the Tyrell sigil and motto isn't as Badass as that of Houses Starknote When saying the Stark's motto "Winter is Coming" Diana Rigg does a mock Yorkshire accent, which Ned Stark and many of the people in northern Westeros speak with. Diana Rigg was born in Yorkshire., Greyjoy or Lannister.
The fact that Varys, the spymaster/spider, and Ros his confidant prostitute double agent are discussing Pod's prowess in bed is hilarious in a way.
During dinner, Cersei is trying to convince Tywin that the Tyrells are a threat to their power, pointing out how easily Margaery is manipulating Joffrey. Tywin responds with a "The Reason You Suck" Speech, pointing out that Cersei has done a terrible job at trying to control Joffrey, and that she's not nearly as smart as she thinks she is. It's just the way he so bluntly explains it to her which makes it so damn funny.
Joffery excitedly giving Margaery a tour around the sept while giddily telling her about how various Targaryens died there.
Partially a Crowning Moment Of Awesome, but the look on EVERYONE'S faces when it's revealed that Dany speaks fluent Valyrian, and knew EXACTLY what the slaver was saying was rather amusing.
And as she sacks the city the looks Jorah and Barristan give each other. They look like a couple of adoring fanboys gushing over their Khaleesi, especially when you contrast their behavior around each other previously. Fan art has naturally run with this.
When the Unsullied bang their spears in allegiance to Dany, we see Jorah begin bobbing his head◊ to the beat, with a look of "Oh hells yeah!"
5 — Kissed by Fire
Some of Jaime's old self starting to return, when he decides to annoy Brienne by sharing her bath.
After insulting Renly once more, Jaime's utter shock when Brienne furiously stands up in front of him, completely stark naked. What makes it funny is that his eyes go completely wide and he honestly doesn't appear to know where to look!
Littlefinger being able to completely destabilise a Tyrell plot, seemingly in less than a day. He sends an attractive man to seduce Loras, who then manipulates the Knight of Flowers into joking about his engagement to Sansa. Littlefinger then passes the information back to Tywin and Cersei. Also doubles as a CMOA.
Tyrion's comment on the plot to marry Sansa to Loras. Based on their interaction in "The Climb", Tyrion's joke is actually an accurate assessment of the kind of marriage Loras and Sansa would've had.
Tyrion: She's a lovely girl. Missing some of Ser Loras' favorite bits, but I'm sure they'll make do.
Cersei's Oh Crap moment when she finds out Tywin plans to wed her to Loras Tyrell, especially since it's a complete 180 from her smug expression at Tyrion being forced to marry Sansa.
A Youtube commenter put it best:
Cersei: You should be thanking the gods for this, this is more than you deserve.
Jon and Ygritte's sex scene starts out with some Self-Deprecation, mocking the show's previous tendency to only have the women naked during sex scenes with Ygritte asking why Jon isn't taking off his clothes.
Ygritte mocking Jon with her catchphrase just as she receives the "Lord's kiss" from him: "You know nothing, Jon Sno-oh-ohhh!"
Jon acting incredibly cocky upon realising he's impressed Ygritte with his bedroom prowess, despite being a virgin... only for his smugness to quickly disappear when he inadvertently leads Ygritte to list all of her previous lovers, in copious detail.
"You haven't heard...? Stannis Baratheon laid siege to King's Landing. Sailed into Blackwater Bay. Stormed the gates with thousands of men. And your sister... How can I put this... your sister... *agonizingly long pause* ...is alive and well. Your father's forces prevailed."
Beric muses that he's now been killed by a Clegane twice. Thoros comments to Arya "You'd think he'd learn."
The battle took 16 hours, not the knighting ceremony. Not that it makes the punchline less funny.
Before it becomes utterly emotionally-wretching, there's a part where Cersei smiles smugly at Tyrion who snaps at her and tell her to stop it because she's making him uncomfortable. For a brief moment, Cersei and Tyrion are five year olds, bickering at each other, despite being children of one of the most powerful Houses on Westeros and holding direct power over the entire country.
6 — The Climb
Olenna even gets some great barbs on Tywin, cheerfully admitting that Loras is "a sword swallower through and through" and asking if he didn't dabble with other boys even once in his youth.
After hearing various people use various euphemisms to describe Loras' homosexuality, hearing her finally come out and call it "a discreet bit of buggery" is hilarious.
Loras and Sansa making awkward small talk about brooches and pins, as well as talking about their wedding and the clothes and food... while almost forgetting to mention the most important part, the bride. How is anyone surprised that he's gay?
Only Sansa... which is both funny and sad.
It also doubles as a Tear Jerker when you recall that Renly wore a cloak of green brocade while watching Loras joust. Since they cannot openly express their love for each other at the tourney, Renly dressed himself in one of the sigil colours of his boyfriend's family as a subtle romantic gesture. In Loras' imagination, Renly as his "bride" would be decked in the green and gold of House Tyrell.
Tyrion's comment to Cersei on Tywin's plan to marry them to Sansa and Loras respectively: he has no idea which of the four is getting the worst end of the deal.
Tyrion: Probably Sansa, but Ser Loras will certainly come to know a deep and singular misery.
After Tyrion rhetorically asks what they can do about their situation, Cersei (watching Loras and Sansa from a window) answers tonelessly "We could have them both killed". Her wistful expression clearly says "Don't I wish..."; Tyrion ignores her.
The start of Tyrion's very awkward and apologetic explanation to both Sansa and Shae about the marriage situation:
Tyrion:[sighs] Where to begin...
Tyrion's indignation that Joffrey's plan to kill him was to simply order a member of the Kingsguard to attack him during the siege, when others would surely see, rather than being discreet with something like poison. He sounds more annoyed with Joffrey's stupidity in his methods than the fact he tried to have Tyrion killed.
Arya Stark: (about Melisandre) I don't like that woman.
Anguy: (he and Gendry leer at Melisandre) That's because you're a girl.
Arya Stark: What does that have to do with anything?
The scene where Jaime frowns because Roose refuses to drink any of the wine offered when Jaime offers to pour it for him. Olenna refuses Tywin pouring her wine in the next scene. In both cases it's because it might be poisoned.
Note that in the books it is explained that Roose only drinks medicinal wine (hippocras); this is not explicitly remarked upon in the TV show though but he does say "I don't partake."
As they are climbing the Wall, Ygritte asks Jon if he is staring at her ass.
Jaime also trying to cut his meat with one hand wielding a knife. Brienne looks on exasperated till she helps with her fork, bringing it down very hard to hold the meat steady with a definite air of 'Oh, for god's sake. '
Varys and Littlefinger are looking at the Iron Throne and agree it is an "ugly old thing" yet has a certain attraction. Varys then calls it "The Lysa Arryn of chairs".
Littlefinger says that while the Iron Throne is rumored to have over 1000 swords, it really only has about 200. He counted them himself because he was bored.
Edmure declares that no law can compel him to marry someone he hasn't chosen, then Blackfish says, "The Law of My Fist is about to compel your teeth!" Edmure is forced to agree.
Osha and Meera's childish bickering over who is a better hunter and nearly starting a catfight over the subject.
Also the tired and mildly annoyed "Hodor?" when their argument wakes up the big guy.
Bran attempts to settle the argument with a weary resigned "You're both good skinners", and reminding Osha after she complained that when she met Meera, Meera had a knife to her throat, that this is exactly how Osha met Bran. And she sort of shrugs like she's resisting the urge to say "that's different!"
Thoros and Melisandre's first meeting and their snarking off about each other.
Melisandre's complete invasion of Beric's personal space while she and Thoros chat like he's not even there.
While a truly nasty and horrifying scene, Theon's Torture scene opened hilariously with Ramsay Bolton proving what a troll he is by waking Theon by way of Westeros's answer to the vuvuzela.
When Edmure is reluctant to marry Frey's daughter, and Robb reminds him that he wanted to make amends for the failure at Stonemill, Blackfish leans to Edmure and asks in a loud dramatic whisper if Edmure recalls that "heroic engagement". Then everybody just stares at Edmure, while he stutters, babbles and finally conceeds to the marriage.
"I had something less permanent in mind."
Tyrion's perfect definition of his otherwise gloomy situation. Greatly delivered: "Jaime or not, I'm truly fucked."
Cersei referring to Margaery as "the little doe-eyed whore."
7 — The Bear and the Maiden Fair
Margaery explaining to Sansa what it takes for a man to please a woman.
Sansa: How do you know all this? Did your mother teach you?
Margaery: (gives Sansa a long look) Yes sweet girl, my mother taught me.
Did her brother teach her?
Given her open attitude towards Loras' orientation, we can wonder if Olenna let Margaery herself freely experiment. For an aspiring queen-to-be like Margaery, the significant advantage of possessing that kind of knowledge on top of political savviness simply cannot be underestimated.
Margaery's experimentation in general. As someone on Tumblr put it:
[monotone] gentle men, rough men, ugly men, pretty men
[enthusiastically ecstatic] PRETTY GIRLS
Osha is so pissed off at having to do all the work at camp that she's driven to ask Hodor why the Reeds aren't helping. Hodor gives the inevitable response, but is also as irritated as we've ever heard him, like he's trying to say "yeah, I guess...?"
More like "Seven Hells, woman! I only say one thing? Can't you people go five minutes without asking me for my opinion?!"
Blackfish telling Catelyn that "I've seen wet shits I've liked better than Walder Frey". He then promptly apologizes to Queen Talisa who's in the tent with them for his foul language.
After Robb and Talisa have sex, Robb tries to plan a war strategy, then asks her to put some clothes on or else he will "attack" her again. She stays as she is and says playfully, "Attack. Attack."
Ygritte mistaking a windmill for a castle, then revealing she has no idea what it means to "swoon". When Jon explains:
Ygritte: [dramatically] Oh, a spider! Save me Jon Snow! [collapses into his arms] My dress is made of the purest silk from Tralalalala-li-day.
After Joffrey complains that Tywin has moved the Small Council Meetings nearer to him so he cannot attend (even though he never bothered before) and making veiled threats about making a King climb a tower to attend a meeting, Tywin totally deflating his ego in seconds, but politely suggesting that if it's that much of a problem, they'll have him carried there! Embarrassed, Joffrey immediately tries switching the subject to Dany and her Dragons, which Tywin mocks him for being worried about... again.
Then on his way out, Tywin feels the need to add a last-second pleasantry, so he turns back and utters a condescending "Your grace" which sounds like "here endeth the lesson, puppet king."
This scene would be funny if not for the fact that Tywin keeps dismissing his grandson's orders to look into the whole "Daenerys Targaryen having dragons" thing. For once, viewers are on the side of the boy king.
It becomes funny again after watching Season 4, where it's made clear that Tywin is taking Daenerys and her dragons and army seriously as a potential threat. He just doesn't trust Joffrey one bit to be able to help.
Tormund Giantsbane giving Jon sex advice while they're on a guerrilla mission, that he should wait until a girl's "as slick as a baby seal" before he fucks her.
Bronn's "helpful" advice for Tyrion is to just accept having both Sansa and Shae.
After Bronn suggests that Tyrion secretly does want to "Fuck that Stark girl", we see Tyrion's eyes briefly glaze over for a second as he ponders this, before quickly jumping back to his senses, a little disconcerted at the thought.
"I don't pay you to put evil notions in my head."
Jaime, being Jaime, just couldn't resist that last snark at Locke after he snatched Brienne away from under his nose.
Jaime: Sorry about the sapphires.
What makes it better is that Jaime noticeably hesitates before he makes that snark almost like he tried to resist making one last smartass remark and just couldn't. Maybe it's a Lannister genetic impulse...
Locke gets two rather hilarious lines in "The Bear and the Maiden Fair".
Locke:(to Jaime whose attempting to bribe him into releasing Brienne) So go buy ya'self a golden hand and fuck yourself with it!
As Jaime rushes to the edge of the pit, Locke chimes in with a disappointed shout of: "Well, this is one shameful fuckin' performance. Stop runnin' and fight!" in an utterly side-splitting tone as he already grows bored with the entertainment.
And this one when Steelshanks wounds the lumbering beast with a crossbow bolt to help Jaime escape.
Locke:(Rounds on Walton as he loads another quarrel) DA FACK YOU DOIN' TO MAH BEAR!?!
Despite once again veering sharply into utterly horrifying Nightmare Fuel, the scene where "The Boy" once again trolls the almighty fuck out of Theon by first having two beautiful women seduce him in a scene reminiscent of a stereotypical porno, and then interrupting him mid-orgy with a blast of his Troll-horn before apologizing profusely for the "bad timing" is almost farcical... until the aforementioned nightmare fuel happens with him using this as an excuse to Castrate Theon.
Olenna: So their son will be your nephew. After you're wed to Cersei, of course. And you will be the king's stepfather and brother-in-law. When you marry the king, Joffrey's mother will become his sister-in-law and your son will be Loras' nephew? Grandson? I'm not sure. But your brother will become your father-in-law.
Loras' expression is equally hilarious since he clearly wants her to just shut up, but doesn't have the guts to tell her to.
Loras instantly getting shot down when trying to make small talk with his bride-to-be.
Cersei: No one cares what your father once told you.
Loras being teased by Olenna (see above example) and Cersei giving him the cold shoulder is made even funnier when we remember both women have every reason to be mad at him. If he could have just kept his mouth shut, none of them would have got caught in Tywin's trap.
It's Cersei's fault as well, so the idea of her and Loras making each other miserable is quite a bit funnier than it probably should be.
Mero's douchebaggery knows no bounds when he is invited to parley with Daenerys. Dany's deadpan reactions and blunt rejoinders to the flurry of vicious innuendos that the Titan's Bastard hurls at her are so stoic that she evokes laughs of admiration. No other ruler has her unflappable reserve.
Mero: In the Second Sons we share everything. After the battle maybe we'll share you.
Dany:(amused smile, checks out the Lieutenant, Daario)
Plus Dany's loyal Bear delivering a fabulous Take That to the SOB.
Mero: The Second Sons have faced worse odds and won.
Jorah Mormont: The Second Sons have faced worse odds and run.
Crossed with a crowning moment of awesome and a tearjerker, Tyrion gets extremely drunk and bitter after his wedding, and when Joffrey threatens to rape Sansa as part of the wedding ceremony...this happens:
Tyrion:There will be no bedding ceremony.
Joffrey:There WILL be if I command it!
Tyrion:(slamming his knife into the table and deadly serious) Then you'll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock. (cue mass stunned silence)
Joffrey: ... What did you say? (utterly enraged) What...Did you...SAY!!!!???
Missandei correcting Daenerys' Dothraki, making it clear that Khal Drogo's praise of her ability to speak it was at least partly him flattering his new wife, which is actually quite cute.
Made funnier by the Call Back; they use the same "Ath Jahackar" phrase Dany was taught by her handmaidens, and in the first season they told her she'd gotten it right, even though her intonation was audibly different from theirs. Presumably, they were just fed up of trying to teach her, since Missandei keeps repeating it until her intonation is correct.
Davos having problems with his tangled first book :
Possibly some Self-Deprecation at the difficulty in pronouncing some of Martin's names. Made funnier when he actually manages to read the damn thing and shows a very brief glimpse of satisfaction. He's so incredibly proud of himself, as if he almost won the entire damn war by finishing that phrase.
Sam's failure over the course of several episodes to light a fire, and his exasperated "how hard can this be?" reaction to it.
Daario's answer when Daenerys asks him if she's supposed to be in awe of his killing abilities when he rolls out the severed heads of the other leaders of the Second Sons.
When Tywin is asked if he remembers calling Tyrion "a drunken little lust-filled beast" (a suddenly advantageous trait in a wedding day), Tywin simply growls "more than once."
In order to defuse the tension after he threatened to castrate Joffrey in a moment of anger, Tyrion pretends to be even more drunk than he actually is, falling over and admitting to having thrown up on a woman during the act. Leading to this gem as he quickly escorts Sansa out of the room;
Tyrion: Come, I'll tell you all about it, to put you in the mood!
Shae tormenting a very hungover Tyrion by slamming doors and making a huge racket with a serving tray. Plus, her yanking his pillow away from under him so his (presumably pounding) head thumps unceremoniously onto the divan he collapsed on during the night.
Look again, Tyrion's impromptu cushion is actually Sansa's new nightgown balled up! Shae promptly relieves Tyrion of it for the early bird.
And after Shae exchanges a look with Tyrion when she realises that he didn't consummate the marriage with Sansa, the look Tyrion gives her is essentially boiled down to "Yes, I can be a decent guy sometimes. Don't make a big deal out of it. And return my unconventional head support!"
Though it quickly suffers from Mood Whiplash, Sam explains the difference between a Family Name (Tarley) and Birth Name (Samwell), mentioning that his father's name was Randyll. Gilly comments that Randyll's a handsome name, resulting in a beat, and Sam saying "Please don't name him Randyll."
9 — The Rains of Castamere
The Hound's face after Arya knocks out the pig trader with a chunk of wood. This was right after he accused her of being 'too kind.'
Walder Frey's "You could have been tapping that" look at Robb after the beautiful Roslin is revealed, followed by the Blackfish's discomfort at the other Frey women eyeing him.
And with that smirk he flashed at Robb, one might wonder if he had intentionally saved the best girl for last to surprise Robb and Edmure, considering he only brought out unattractive daughters and granddaughters earlier.
Walder struggling to remember one of his granddaughter's names.
(About his youngest grandaughter) She hasn't bled yet... clearly you don't have the patience for all that.
(About Talisa) Prettier than this lot, that's for sure.
Your king says he betrayed me for love. I say he betrayed me for firm tits and a tight fit!
During Robb's apology to the Freys, he assures said daughters and grandaughters that "any man would be lucky to have any of you"... and in the background the Blackfish can be seen giving Edmure a dubious look.
The look Jorah and Grey Worm exchange in response to Daario Naharis bragging about his whistling proficiency. It all but outright shouts "What in seven hells have we done to get stuck with this guy."
Keep in mind, we don't actually know that Grey Worm speaks Westerosi, so it's possible his look of confusion and irritation was directed at both of them, because they're stopping to have a dick-measuring contest when they're supposed to be waging war.
Jorah (caked in blood) hoping to gain the admiration of Daenerys with the good news that Yunkai has been successfully taken. The bashful grin on his face when she favours him with a small smile slides straight off his beard when she asks worriedly after Daario; a younger — arguably handsomer, and certainly more deadly man.
Hilarious in Hindsight because poor Mormont puts everything he has into that battle in order to impress his queen, competing with Daario for better kills while his young rival made it seem so — effortless.
Rickon's comment about how, according to Old Nan's stories, the Wildlings make people drink blood from their own skulls. He says this while Osha's standing right next to him. Osha's expression is priceless.
Later, when they are heading to the tower to wait out a storm, Osha suggests that they might drink some blood, while they are in there, pats horrified Rickon and cheerfully assures him that she only needs a little.
Arya berating the Hound for only having the guts to kill helpless little boys and weak old men and how she knows a real killer (her old assassin friend Jaqen H'ghar) one who could kick Clegane's ass seven ways from Sunday. Sandor's brilliant comeback is to point at the star-seeing farmer he's recently clobbered and ask:
Sandor: That him?
Arya:(Glances back) ... No.
Sandor: Good. (Moves to kill him)
Bran's attempts to keep Hodor quiet before he accidentally wargs into him instead.
"Hush, Hodor! N-no more Hodoring!"
10 — Mhysa
Tyrion's opening salvo at a (madly grinning) Joffrey during the Small Council meeting.
How Tyrion feels about Walder Frey's coded message about the Red Wedding:
"Is this bad poetry, or does it actually mean something?"
The (admittedly very dark) humour of the following exchange; the fact that Joffrey is such a twisted little bastard that even Cersei is trying to reign him in is pretty hilarious. Also, Joffrey's "mwa-ha-ha" grin as he delivers the lines.
Joffrey: ... Command Lord Frey to send Robb Stark's head. I'm going to serve it to Sansa at my wedding feast! Varys:(in a desperate attempt to bring this whole discussion out of Psycho-land and back to the real world) Your Grace, Lady Sansa is your aunt by marriage. Cersei: A joke. Joffrey didn't mean it. Joffrey: (slightly confused) Yes I did. I'm going to have it served to Sansa at my wedding feast!
After Joffrey's line "Everyoneis mine to torment!", Cersei rolls her eyes and Tywin glances sideways, sharing the silent sentiment of being fed up with his petty cruelty. And when Tyrion starts to retort, Varys smirks to himself. No one other than Tyrion snaps back at Joffrey, but their reactions speak louder than words.
When Joffrey attempts to call Tywin out for "hiding under Casterly Rock" during Robert's Rebellion, everyone in the room (Cersei included) immediately gives the same "Oh no you didn't" look towards Joffrey. Made even more hilarious by the background music swelling as if to let everyone know that Joffrey pushed Tywin's Berserk Button. And instead of losing his temper, Tywin calmly tells Joffrey to go to bed. Followed by Cersei holding Joffrey's hand and bringing him upstairs to more or less tuck him in, all the while talking to him like he's a six year old.
After Tywin sends Joffrey to bed and asks Grand Maester Pycelle to give him essence of nightshade, only Tywin, Tyrion, and Varys remains. Varys, without being asked or bidden, immediately stands up to leave as if to say "Screw This, I'm Outta Here!".
Joffrey's final screeching outburst as he tries to assert his authority in the most pathetic way possible after being sent scuttling to his room by Tywin.
A Call Back to Season 1: after Joffrey challenges Tywin at the Small Council meeting, everyone turns to leave. The last one to do so is Tyrion, and he is once again stopped by Tywin's "Not you". It's the "you know the drill" tone of Tywin's words that makes it hilarious.
Tyrion describing how Tywin acts to Joffery in the meeting.
Tyrion: You just sent the most powerful man in the kingdom to bed without his supper.
Tyrion's face after Tywin mocks his sympathy to the slaughtered Starks.
Tywin: You want to write a song for the dead Starks? Go ahead, write one. Tyrion:(Looks to seriously be considering it)
Nearly the entire discussion between Walder Frey and Roose Bolton, in the aftermath of The Red Wedding.:
Walder Frey: The late Walder Frey, Old Tully called me — because I didn't get my men to the Trident in time for battle. He thought he was witty... Look at us now, Tully! You're dead!You're daughter's dead! Your grandson's dead! Your son spends his wedding night in a dungeon... And — I'm Lord of Riverrun.
Walder Frey: Must have been torture, following that stupid boy all over the country. Roose Bolton: He ignored my advice at every turn. If he'd been a trifle less arrogant...
Frey and Bolton's (almost horribly fond) recollections of Robb Stark.
In an extremely dark funny scene, Ramsay eats a sausage in front of Theon, who he has emasculated not long before, as he continues to talk about the deed. When he figures out what's being assumed of his meal his reaction can be summed up as "Oh come on, I'm not that evil!"
Ramsay: What? ... No...! Pork sausage! Do you think I'm some sort of savage?
Ramsay trolling Balon Greyjoy by sending him Theon's "Dick in a Box". That scene is about as dark and horrible as it gets but still remains funny due to Ramsay's wording in his letter:
"In the box you'll find a special gift — Theon's favorite toy. He cried when I took it away from him."
Ramsay:Sorry, I shouldn't make jokes. My mother taught me not to throw stones at cripples... But my father taught me — aim for their head!
Sam realizing he just said "I know how this must look" to a blind man.
Hodor shouting "Hodor!" into a well to hear the echo.
Hodor's joyful reaction to Sam recognizing him from Jon's stories. He sounds as if he wanted to say "Oh you...".
Seeing the group preparing to be attacked by something horrifying... only to crash into one of the most generally nonthreatening pairs in the show. And while they all are trying frantically to cover up who they are, for fear that this strange dude might sell them out, Sam's reaction can be summed up as "Hey, aren't you Jon Snow's little brother? Fancy meeting you out here!"
When Podrick meets up with Tyrion and Sansa, some girls can be seen giggling and gossiping about him. Tri-Pod strikes again!
Gilly calling Maester Aemon "Master" despite Sam trying to correct her.
Sansa and Tyrion conspiring to put dung in the beds of some nobles who were mocking them. Followed by Sansa once again displaying her naivety by revealing she believes that "Shift" is the rude way of saying dung.
"Anyone named Desmond Crakehall has to be a pervert."
As they walk through the garden, they notice two men laughing at them. Sansa notices Tyrion muttering their names to himself, and asks if he plans to have them killed. Tyrion's response? "Do I look like Joffrey?"
The Onion Knight has learned to read, but still has a little trouble. His suspicious tone and expression are perfect, as if he suspects that someone is playing a trick on him.
There's something darkly funny about the Frey soldier who put Grey Wind's head on Robb's body bitching about how hard it was to pull off, discussing how he did it as if desecrating the body of someone whose right to Sacred Hospitality your lord just violated in the worst way possible was the most normal thing in the world.
Arya killing a grown man for the first time and looking at the coin that Jaqen gave her is a pretty chilling scene, but at the very end it turns funny when you see that The Hound is sitting down at the campfire of the dead soldiers in the background and eating their food. Between this and the salted pork scene, the Hound is slowly turning into a Big Eater. While the Hound clearly is disturbed over Arya stealing his knife, without even himself noticing, and using it to kill some soldiers, all he does is give a bemused "Next time you do something like that, give me some warning first".
Davos' advice to Gendry on handling a boat
Davos: Do you know how to swim?
Davos: Don't fall out.
Davos' blunt rebuttal over Gendry's concerns over being considered a fugitive in Westeros.
Davos: Do the Gold Cloaks know your face?
Davos: Then I'd be more worried about the Red Woman.
Davos lampshading that the Goldcloaks are ridiculouslyincompetent, since they've been after him for most of his life.
An unflappable Davos counseling against his own death sentence.
I understand, but since you have not un-named me Hand of the King, it is my duty to advise you against it.
The irony of Melisandre/R'hllor saving Davos' life makes Stannislaugh. If you look closely when Stannis starts laughing, you see Melisandre shortly tilting her head in his direction. This is probably the closest thing to a "Wait, what?" we have seen from her so far.
Tyrion instructing Pod in the art of getting sloshed. "It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy."
The HBO descriptions continue getting creative in their attempts to avoid spoilers, with "Arya runs into an old friend" and "Tyrion lends Jaime a hand."
The simple description of "Dany gets pointed to Mereen" is arguably the most gloriously dark and twisted joke on the part of HBO, given what book readers know will be pointing her there...
Oberyn suggests that they bring in more prostitutes to accommodate Tyrion and Bronn (and apparently inviting them to have an orgy with them). Bronn just nods in agreement, while Tyrion shakes his head.
Oberyn: You don't partake?
Tyrion: Oh, I partook. Now I'm married.
The best part is that Oberyn has a puzzled frown, as if to say, "Huh? What does marriage have to do with it?"
A grand piece of Mood Whiplash as Tyrion tries to comfort Sansa in the wake of the Red Wedding, talking about how much he respected her mother...despite that whole falsely arresting him and trying to have him thrown off a mountain thing.
In a blink-and-you-miss-it bit, Janos Slynt scoffs at Jon talking about giants, but is shut up by one look at Alliser's face.
Olenna's dismissal of all the potential bridal jewelry she and Margaery are presented with, including throwing one off the balcony.
It gets better, her line before tossing it away? "Your grandfather gave me a necklace for my 51st nameday, just like this one." And the necklace goes over the railing.
How she ensures that Margaery will get the absolute best necklace available in King's Landing, as well as proving herself to be a tough, but awesome boss: she sends out their troop of handmaidens with instructions to milk the Tyrell name for all it's worth, with the promise that whoever brought back the best necklace would get to keep the second-best.
Jon Snow putting Janos Slynt in his place.
Janos Slynt: I commanded the City Watch of King's Landing, boy.
Jon Snow: And now you're here. You must not have been very good at your job.
This hilarious reminder from the Maester of Castle Black.
Aemon: If we beheaded every ranger who lay with a girl, the Wall would be manned by headless men.
Later, Alliser Thorne asks Aemon how he "acquired [this] magic power" to tell when someone is lying.
The statue of Joffrey standing triumphant over a slain direwolf, especially the obnoxious way the shot lingers.
Could also count as a Tearjerker or Crowning Moment Of Hatemongering. Especially because he's holding the damn crossbow...
"Yes yes, one guard at the...thing."
The cut from the statue to him standing almost the exact same way minus the crossbow.
Barristan Selmy and Missandei exchanging smirks when Daenerys asks for Daario Naharis...again.
Jaime sarcastically asking Brienne if she's a Lannister (because she was annoying him after he was also annoyed by Tywin and Cersei). Given the Ust between Brienne and Jaime, this seems to be an Ascended Meme of a joke to the effect that Jaime's version of a pick-up line is to tell a woman that she reminds him of his sister.
Daario and Grey Worm's competition to see who could hold their sword out the longest and have been doing it the entire night, all for the honor of riding at Daenerys' side. Then Daenerys, who is not amused, tells them that they'll be riding at the back of the convoy for making her wait. She also jokingly adds that the last man to be holding his sword would have to serve a new queen, prompting both men to immediately drop their swords at the same time so as to not forfeit. Ser Worm wins though, as he doesn't elicit a groan of pain from the night's Repetitive strain injury like Daario does!
The very fact that a stoic, utterly badass killing machine like Grey Worm happily engages in such immature and pointless yet humanising antics when off the job is both hilarious and heartwarming especially given how his backstory was basically him getting the Ramsay Snow treatment (and all the unspeakable horrors this implies) as a child.
When Daenerys walks away, Missandei raises her eyebrows at Grey Worm in a silently snarky "I told you so" way.
It's a nasty Kick the Dog moment that pushes a range of buttons, but Joffrey taunting Jaime about his poor record as a knight is funny thanks to Jack Gleeson perfectly nailing the mock look of concern when he says:
"Someone forgot to put down all your great deeds!"
Daario needs to talk to Daenerys about something important...
Dany: Alright, what is this matter of strategy?
Daario:(flourishes flower) A Dusk Rose.
Dany ... Would you like to walk at the back of the train instead of riding?
Daario: And this one's called Lady's Lace.
Dany: Would you like to walk without shoes?
The Hound's laconic disdain for Named Weapons and those who name them.
After Joffrey gets up from his seat to inspect his new Valyrian sword, Mace Tyrell raises his eyebrow at Tywin, and the concern on his face reads, "Are you sure it's wise to give that maniac a deadly weapon?"
Olenna's comment to Sansa, simply for its Refuge in Audacity considering what happens next:
Olenna: War is war, but killing a man at a wedding... horrid. What sort of a monster would do such a thing? As if men need more reasons to fear marriage!
Olenna's teasing of Tyrion, which is a reference to his request for her financial assistance in paying for the royal wedding last season.
Olenna: Perhaps if your pauper husband were to sell his mule and his last pair of shoes, he may afford to bring you to Highgarden for a visit.
When Jaime threatens Loras by telling him that Cersei would murder him if they married, but Loras would never get to marry Cersei anyway, Loras smugly replies with one of the snappiest comebacks on the series:
Patting Jaime's arm and leaving like a boss afterwards make Loras' Stealth Insult that much more hilarious!
Jaime's own bewildered reaction is also funny, as he has become the Butt Monkey of King's Landing since his return. He tries to regain some of his old swagger by insulting and snarking at Loras, only for it to backfire spectacularly. He clearly thought Loras would be easy pickings, and is astonished that the young knight has taken a level in Deadpan Snarker. Yup, Jaime's still not back to being top dog.
Earlier in their exchange, Jaime cracks an amusing joke at the expense of their dads.
Jaime: Our fathers are both very keen on the prospect.
Loras: They certainly are.
Jaime: Perhaps they should get married.
Tyrion figures Oberyn is saying hello to him. Turns out it's to the contortionist.
While Oberyn talks with Cersei, he takes every opportunity to remind her that she's the former queen regent.
Oberyn then subtly points out that Cersei is a hypocrite for judging Ellaria due to her bastard status because Cersei herself has mothered three of them.
Oberyn: Bastards are born of passion, aren't they?
There is also this little gem:
Oberyn: I expect it is a relief, Lady Cersei, giving up your responsibilities. Wearing a crown for so many years must have left your neck a bit crooked.
In a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, when the guests at the Sept of Baelor are clapping for Joffrey and Margaery, Oberyn turns his head slightly to the left so that he can catch a glimpse of Loras. Oberyn swings both ways, and Margaery is a gorgeous woman, yet he clearly thinks that her brother is more attractive. This is a Mythology Gag, as some of the characters in the novels consider the Adonis-like Loras to be prettier than his classically beautiful sister.
Oberyn and Loras eye-sexing each other at the wedding feast; their Erotic Eating leaves zero doubt over the two men's desire to "eat" the other for dessert. Loras, who is normally reserved, isn't even trying to hide it anymore, is he?
The pink rose patterns on Loras' sleeves and Oberyn's wrap around belt◊ are identical. The only difference is the fabric's background colour (teal vs. green — it's odd that the Dornish Prince is dressed in one of the House Tyrell colours that is missing from Loras' outfit). They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery; did Oberyn talk to Loras' tailor and decide to copy a part of the Knight of Flowers' style?
While the "Dwarf War of Five Kings" is a cruel joke from Joffrey, there are some Actually Pretty Funny bits:
"Stannis'" mount is actually a dummy Melisandre (with large cleavage to boot) bending over on his crotch.
"Renly's" mount is Loras, and Renly has an exposed backside which gets rammed.
"Joffrey's" mount is a lion with stag antlers on its head.
"Balon Greyjoy" has a kraken mount.
After "Robb" smacks down "Balon", the latter yells, "I'm drowning, I'm drowning!"
After "Joffrey" shoots "Stannis" with a fake arrow, a "spray" of green wildlife emerges from "Melisandre." "Stannis" then cries like a baby as he leaves the stage (which is something the real Stannis would never do).
After getting accidentally hit on the head by one of the riders, the normally unflappable Lord Varys closes his eyes in complete exasperation for a moment, his expression practically screaming "Oh, for fuck's sake... why didn't I help Ned Stark escape when I had the chance?"
Though not as funny, Tywin's facial reactions are also something to watch. He seems amused but trying to hide it to keep up appearances, and at other points looks confused and not sure what to make of what he's seeing.
Bronn reassuring Jaime that no one will hear them practicing by telling him that he comes down there to sleep with another knight's wife — and she's a screamer.
Bronn: If they don't hear her, then they won't hear us.
And also his blunt and simple response when Jaime complains about him attacking a man when his guard is down.
The eternally glum expression on Varys' face throughout the reception. He is definitely NOT enjoying the festivities.
Melisandre's completely awkward expressions as Selyse tries to include her in the already completely stilted dinner conversations.
Joffrey declaring he wants to knight the person who killed Renly. Would that be before or after you gave him that red smile?
Tyrion's retort after his nephew tells him to join the dwarf battle is so good that some guests try hard not to laugh.
Tyrion: Climb down from the high table with your new Valyrian sword and show everyone how a true king wins his throne. Be careful, though. This one is clearly mad with lust. It would be a tragedy for the king to lose his virtue hours before his wedding night.
Jojen and Meera are helpless to wake Bran up after hours of Warging. So what does do the trick? "HODOR!"
Joffrey's death is this as evident by quite a many reaction videos on Youtube. Allother feelings aside, the scene was insanely satisfying.
On a meta level: remember the musicians Joffrey heckled for their performance of The Rains of Castamere (a funny moment in its own right)? At the end it turns out they were performing, and played bythe creators of, the version playing over the end credits. Sigur Rˇs sends their regards.
3 — Breaker of Chains
Tyrion dismissing Cersei from his list of suspects.
Tyrion: She is the only one I'm certain had nothing to do with this murder. Which makes it unique as King's Landing murders go.
Tyrion: I would like to think if I were arranging a royal assassination, I'd plan it in such a way that I wouldn't be standing there gawking like a fool when the king died.
Arya trying to hide her and Sandor's identity from a pious farmer. The Hound does not cooperate.
Also the Hound once again showing his obsession with meat by physically perking up when the farmer mentions his daughter's rabbit stew during their first meeting.
And as they're waiting to eat said stew, the mock-indignant way Arya remonstrates her 'father' for getting impatient during the dinner prayer. Meanwhile both of them are hungrily eying the stew, then scoff it down while their hosts look on in bemusement.
The Hound interrupting the very long and thorough prayer with a contribution of his own: "May the stranger not kill us in our beds tonight for no damned reason at all."
Tywin's Comically Serious no-nonsense nature creates some unexpected moments of humour. The scene in the Sept of Baelor after his incredible speech to Tommen, ends with a sudden segue towards Tommen's knowledge of "The Talk". Especially the way he tells Tommen, "It's actually quite straightforward". Moments like that, you get a sense that Tywin really is Tyrion's Dad.
Telling Tommen what wisdom is and then saying "Your brother was not a wise king, your brother was not a good king. If he had been, he might still be alive." Normally this would be a Kick the Dog moment, but 1) Everybody agrees with Tywin that Joffrey was a horrible ruler, and 2) His delivery of the line is laced with such great snark it becomes awfully entertaining. Plus it seems to be a not-so-subtle way of telling Cersei, "Gods, you suck at parenting."
That cold look of disgust that he gives Jaime as he passes him and Tommen is also funny. His body language is essentially, "This kid is the last best hope this family has for sanity."
His slowly eroding dignity when he goes to a whorehouse to see Oberyn, and orders everyone else out. Oberyn doesn't help matters when he asks Tywin to take a seat on the very same bed that he and Ellaria had just had a bisexual orgy in. Tywin's reaction to this is a simple deadpan, "No, thank you."
The suicidal overconfidence of Meereen just continues getting worse; as they send a champion out to insult Dany, who has already since been driven to homicidal Tranquil Fury by their mass child slaughter of two episodes prior. He starts by taking out his penis from a few hundred feet away (much to Dany's mild horror), pissing in her general direction before then launching into a tirade, which poor Missandei once again has to go translate for her bemused queen.
"He says that we are an army of men without...man parts. He claims that you are no woman at all but a man who... (gulps) hides his cock in his own arsehole."
Dany's reaction is just to roll her eyes and quietly discuss who gets to kill him with her inner circle, while the idiot's loud speech continues ignored.
Considering that Dany lived among Dothraki and had a Horselord as her husband, her reaction could also be seen as her dismissing the champion as small time both in terms of insult and his "size".
The scene between Davos and Shireen is packed with this:
Shireen being the schoolmarm to poor tardy Davos. "You are your father's daughter, make no mistake. Bloody relentless, the both of you."
Shireen crossly reminding Davos that he thinks "knight" is pronounced "kuh-niggit" after he is late for his reading lesson, which Davos claims, "That happened once, weeks ago."
Davos on the difference between pirates and smugglers: "If you're a famous smuggler, you're doing it wrong."
And his general indignation about being called a pirate. He has standards, thank you very much!
And his brief story about how he was nearly beheaded by a First Sword of Braavos who failed to appreciate the difference.
Which for all we know, that could have very well been Syrio Forel.
Shireen: My father says a criminal is a criminal.
Davos: Your father lacks an appreciation of the finer points of bad behavior.
4 — Oathkeeper
Littlefinger's casual throwaway line about his "new friends" who wanted Joffrey dead, in which he informs Sansa precisely who they are without spelling it out (even though it is spelled out for the viewer afterwards with a Gilligan Cut).
Littlefinger: As for what happened to Joffrey, well, that was something my new friends wanted very badly. Nothing like a thoughtful gift to make a new friendship grow strong.
Margaery's attempt to seduce Tommen is this and a Heartwarming Moment given how adorkable and obliviously innocent (and terrified) poor Tommen is. Especially when his pet cat "Ser Pounce" interrupts them; the knightly feline appears to be defending his young master's virtue!
Podrick, desperately trying to impress in his new role as Brienne's new squire, is confused as to whether he should address her as a knight or as a lady.
Brienne, after Pod correcting himself, gives Jaime a 'You're kidding me, right?' look.
Jaime foisting Pod off to Brienne, like a salesman trying to sell a used car.
The gigantic goofy grin he wears when the scene changes to him is just adorkable incarnate.
Jaime: To tell you the truth, this isn't so bad. Four walls. A pot to piss in. I was chained to a wooden post covered in my own shit for months.
Tyrion: The Kingslayer brothers... you like it? I like it.
Tyrion's opinion on his trial and one particular judge:
"I know that one of my three judges has wanted me dead more times than I can remember. And that judge is my father."
Bronn cheerfully referring to Joffrey as a twat that no-one is going to miss, to his "Uncle" Jaime of all people. Doubles as yet another moment of Refuge in Audacity from him, since there is absolutely no way that Bronn is the only person in Westeros not to have heard the rumour, and even less than he doesn't believe it to be true.
There's also his practice session with Jaime, where Jaime grows very cocky at how good he's getting with his left hand and even bring Bronn into a Blade Lock, only for him to take off Jaime's fake golden hand and smack him down, with Jaime lying on the floor with a "How did I not see that coming?" expression on his face.
Olenna Tyrell talking about how she seduced her late husband; it involved "accidentally" stumbling into his room when she was "lost" one night, and doing something that meant he couldn't even walk the next morning.
She reveals she was originally slated to marry a Targaryen — "Marrying a Targaryen was all the rage back then!" — and soundly mocks the Mystical White Hair look the family was known for. Apparently, she finds silver hair ludicrous.
The idea of marrying into a certain family being on the same descriptive terms as a fashion trend. Plus, the fact that the "trend" ended because said family was brutally slaughtered.
Locke training with Jon at Castle Black, after which he guesses Jon is high-born. When Jon confirms it, Locke says he thought at the Wall he'd be done sucking up to "highborn cunts". Jon laughs, and it takes Locke a moment to join in because he clearly wasn't saying it as a joke.
Olenna isn't exactly broken up about leaving King's Landing.
Olenna: If I have to take one more leisurely stroll through these gardens, I'll fling myself from the cliffs.
5 — First of His Name
Robin nonchalantly throwing Petyr's gift out the Moon Door.
Everything about Lysa and Petyr's wedding... just everything. Lysa's insanity is finally played for laughs...at first.
Poor Sansa lying horrified in her bed as she hears her aunt shrieking in orgasm on her wedding night.
The conversation between Sansa and Lysa about Petyr is also funny, when Lysa tells Sansa that she should be very grateful to him, Sansa pauses before agreeing, clearly thinking, "Yes, grateful for putting me in this situation to begin with."
Pod failing at riding a horse, to Brienne's utter irritation.
Pod failing at cooking a rabbit, to Brienne's continued utter irritation.
Brienne herself failing to remove her own new armor, to more of Brienne's irritation, before delighting the Shippers by asking Pod to remove it for her.
It's violent as hell, but there's something darkly funny about a Valyrian Steel sword like Longclaw going straight through Karl's mouth.
Margaery saying she'll have to ask her father about arranging a marriage with Tommen, followed by her POV shot of Mace clearly making a complete tit of himself even without our hearing what he's saying.
In the very same sequence, Loras is chatting with Oberyn. note Presumably, as the man we see from behind is about the same height as Loras — just as Finn Jones and Pedro Pascal are in real life — dark-haired and dressed in gold, and previous shots of Oberyn show that he is wearing a gold outfit in this scene. Hmm, did those two already hook up off-screen, or are at least planning to do so soon?
Tywin reminiscing about Robert patting him on the back, which Tywin finds extremely condescending.
Tywin: No jugglers, no jousting dwarves, no 77-course meals...
This part of their conversation is also pretty funny, mostly because of how serious they are.
Tywin: When will the wedding take place, in your mind? Cersei: As soon as decency permits; after we've allowed Tommen the proper time to mourn his brother and Margaery to mourn her husband. Tywin: A fortnight? Cersei: That seems reasonable.
Arya's prayers keeping the Hound awake.
Sandor: Are you going to say the names of every fucking person in Westeros?
The Hound waking up the morning after Arya says his name in her prayers. Arya is nowhere to be seen, and his frantic looking around for her is priceless.
The Hound delivering Take Thats to Joffrey and Meryn Trant while making fun of Arya's recollections of Syrio Forel, even if counts as a Tearjerker because we still love Syrio as much as Arya.
Sandor: I bet his hair was greasier than Joffrey's cunt.
Arya: He was killed.
Sandor: Who by?
Arya: Meryn Trant. That's why Ser Meryn—
Sandor: Meryn Trant! The greatest swordsman who ever lived killed by MerynfuckingTrant?
Arya: He was outnumbered!
Sandor: Any boy-whore with a sword could beat three Meryn Trants.
Arya: Syrio didn't have a sword. Or armor. Just a stick.
Sandor: The greatest swordsman who ever lived didn't have a sword? Hee hee!
Bran Stark unwittingly avenges Jaime Lannister, the man who crippled him in the first episode of the series, by killing Locke, the man who crippled Jaime last season.
6 — The Laws of Gods and Men
In the opening credits, the model of Braavos is a coin-rolling toy.
When Dany asks how many people there are left for her to see, she is told "212".
Even funnier, after a long pause and awkward facial expression exchanges, "send the next one in."
Very dark humor, but the whole exchange where she learns that she crucified Hizdahr zo Loraq's father. The smile falls right off her face and you can practically hear 'AWKWARD' .
Varys' report of Sandor Clegane being sighted ending with this line.
Varys: He killed five of our soldiers in a Tavern. I believe the phrase "fuck the king" was uttered.
Mace's rather exaggerated body language practically exclaims, "Oh my!" when he hears the vulgar insult.
Salladhor Saan's disappointment that the two women he's in a hot tub with have already heard the joke he's telling, plus telling Davos they're not friends anymore for pulling him away.
Actually, he says that because Davos gave most of the gold to Salladhor's wife. Which is much worse.
Plus, as the Bring My Brown Pants joke is so well known, many of the watchers found themselves finishing the joke alongside Davos, cutting Salladhor Saan off.
Stannis impatiently walking around while being left to cool his heels before the Iron Bank representatives deign to see him.
Before the start of the Small Council meeting, Oberyn bitches about being tired, because he was "up all night." Yeah, knowing him, we totally wonder why that is.
Tyrion's facial expression throughout much of his trial are funny until they're, you know, not anymore.
Oberyn is clearly bored and apathetic throughout the trial to the point that when Shae is called to witness, Oberyn is more interested in the details about Tyrion and Shae's sex life than the trial itself.
Close-ups of Margaery and Loras' reactions during the trial are actually quite amusing in a very dark way because they know their grandmother is the murderer, and thus they are well-aware that some of the testimonies are absolute bullshit.
When Pycelle says that poison is unquestionably the cause of death, the Tyrell siblings become a little tense.
When Pycelle holds up the necklace, Margaery and Loras intensely stare at it. They're clearly thinking, "Oh, so that's how grandma did it."
After Mace thanks Cersei for her "courage," the Tyrell siblings have an "Oh please, this is utter crap" expression on their faces. Mace's own children believe he's a doofus for buying into Cersei's nonsense!
After Shae claims that Tyrion stole the poison from Pycelle, Margaery exhales and Loras has a look of disbelief at how unfairly everything has been stacked against the accused.
When Shae states that Tyrion offered to kill Joffrey for Sansa, the Tyrell siblings are mildly shaken by the Blatant Lies. Both have interacted with Sansa, and they know she's too innocent to contemplate an assassination.
After Tyrion announces that he wants a trial by combat, Margaery and Loras' body language is a mixture of nervousness and a bit of guilt.
Jaime points out the Fridge Logic to Tywin that if he executes Tyrion, Jaime is still sworn to the Kingsguard and cannot father children, so who's going to carry on the Lannister name if Tywin's sons can't? Lancel? Other cousins whose names Jamie can't remember?
Jaime puts his role as Kingsguard, and life's dream, on the line to try to save Tyrion's life... and is clearly put out a bit when his father replies with a prompt "Yeah, alright then".
Jaime: I'll leave the Kingsguard, I'll take my place as your son and heir if you let Tyrion live.
Tywin: [immediately] Done.
[Jaime's face echoes a sentiment of "Huh, didn't actually think that'd work."]
Jamie starts his conspiratorial chat with Tyrion, about his plan to save his life, a little too bluntly:
Tyrion: Not going well, is it?
Jaime: You're going to be found guilty-
Tyrion: [mock aghast] Oh, you think so!?
Meryn Trant's monumentally petty statements against Tyrion and his indignant tone when talking about how Tyrion slapped Joffrey around and called him names. As serious the situation is, seeing the brutal git is still seething from Tyrion's insults is rather amusing.
What's funny is how Meryn admits with a straight face that Tyrion threatened to kill him. Trant is a big man, wears full plate armour and a large sword and is in the elite Kingsguard. He has no sense of shame in admitting to being threatened by a dwarf.
Davos's subtle yet perfect Take That to Melissandre's line about onions and morality in Season 2's "Garden of Bones"
Saalador Saan: Last I heard you were rotting in a dungeon in Dragonstone.
Davos: Nah, only half rotten.
During the Small Council meeting, Mace Tyrell's Butt Monkey status is well confirmed, showing that his mother is very right in considering him an idiot:
Oberyn loudly wonders what he will be the "master" of, and Mace Tyrell quickly and defensively says that he's already been appointed the Master of Ships as if it's something he is proud of. note The title is basically a symbolic one since Stannis, the previous Master of Ships, basically took King's Landing's navy. Oberyn's expression of surprise is also funny because he was being sarcastic, and Mace took it seriously.
Then Mace tries to suck up to Tywin when he arrives, with Tywin completely ignoring him.
Near the end of the meeting, Mace happily acts as Tywin's errand boy, running off to fetch quill and paper when Tywin asks him to. His body language can safely be summed up as, "Stand back everyone! I have a quill and parchment to fetch!"
The reaction on Oberyn's expression is amazing, that look of wonder, "Man, this guy is a real dolt!" Tywin also looked surprised, perhaps thinking that Mace might have taken offense, but no, he took that very, very seriously.
When Tywin, the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms, enters the room, everyone rises from their seats and stands at attention. Everyone except Oberyn. He continues to sit comfortably, his knee on the table, not a care in the world.
On the subject of Barristan Selmy defecting to Daenerys' side, Tywin loudly points out that the decision to dismiss him was shortsighted and stupid, and glares directly at Cersei.
Oberyn pointing out that the Unsullied are impressive on the battlefield, but not so much in bed. note The Unsullied are eunuchs, and therefore cannot have sex.
Davos once again points out the difference between "smuggler" and "pirate" when the Iron Bank representatives accuse him of stealing from them. Technically, he never stole anything, he just moved around the stuff the pirates stole.
Pycelle spewing out probably the biggest piece of bullshit ever uttered on the show, and maybe even beyond.
Look around at the facial expressions on everyone else in the room. There is not a soul in the Red Keep that buys it.
Tycho Nestoris, as played by Mark Gatiss, gets in a few laughs with his first appearance. He keeps Stannis and Davos waiting for hours and then he and his colleagues materialize through ominous doors, take their seats in massive ominous chairs and Tycho looks at Stannis with a big smile and says, "Welcome to the Iron Bank!" and then humiliates Stannis further by gesturing for him to take a seat on one of the tiny stone stool before them.
Varys gives a breakdown of Dany's forces, ending with three dragons. Cersei replies "Baby" dragons, unaware that they are bigger than a mule at this point.
Tyrion's spiteful denunciation of all and sundry has a disturbing yet delightful humor.
"Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores!"
"I wish I had enough poison for the whole lot of you! I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it!"
7 — Mockingbird
The snow castle scene was going to be difficult to pull off, considering how tall Sophie Turner has become.note Turner stands at 5'9". However, the fact that they went with a head to head shot and no Scully Box for Aidan Gillen note who also stands at 5'9" makes it unfortunately hilarious.
Brienne and Pod happen to stop at the inn where Hot Pie is now working. After an off-hand compliment about the meat pie, he sits down and starts rambling about how much work goes into making them. After the two share a look to the effect of "what is he doing?", they resume their meal and ignore him while he continues on ignorant of it.
Not to mention how, as they're leaving, Pod nervously tells Brienne that since the Starks have been declared traitors, it might not be a good idea to openly tell people how they're searching for the Stark girls (Brienne had just told Hot Pie about her quest). Almost immediately after, Hot Pie comes out and tells them in great detail how he'd been travelling with Arya Stark and where she probably went. After he leaves, Brienne turns to Pod and asks, "You were saying?"
Selyse's discomfort as Melisandre nonchalantly walks around completely nude. And a bit earlier, Mel tries very hard to keep her composure when Selyse almost grabs a very dangerous potion rather than bath salts.
Also Melisandre's efforts to lighten the mood with a joke bouncing off Selyse's fanatical shell.
Sansa slapping Robin is a nice Call Back to another Royal Brat being slapped, by her husband nonetheless.
Ser Jorah bumping into Daario just as he's walking out of Dany's bedroom, the look on Jorah's face more or less amounts to "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Before that, Daario's courtship gets its unexpected culmination when, after Daario has performed several ridiculously life-threatening chivalric feats; Dany reclines on a divan with some refreshment and...
Daenerys: Take off your clothes. Daario:(Lazy smile)
This troper expected dollar bills to be thrown at Daario after the trousers came down. Dany's Fascinating Eyebrow is just the icing on the cake. As if she's thinking ''Dragon Mama Likes."
Jorah snarking about how he's later than some when arriving at the war room.
Daario: Jorah the Andal. Are you here to see our Queen? Jorah: ... Daario:(Slaps him on the back) She's in a good mood.
Oberyn tells Tyrion that when Tyrion was born, there were many rumors about his monstrous appearance, including possessing both male and female genitalia. Tyrion responds by commenting how much easier that would have made things for him.
Tyrion's request for details about Oberyn's sex life is also great: "They have every kind of filth down here except the kind I like."
When Cersei meets Gregor and tells him he'll be killing someone for her, Gregor first asks who it will be and she replies if it even matters. Gregor's expression is really funny as if he's contemplating the philosophical implications and only now realized his purpose in life before shaking his head dumbly.
The way Cersei approaches him, ignoring the carnage and bloodshed and speaking to him with her usual poise, not showing the slightest fear. This is the woman who raised the holy terror, Joffrey after all!
The swift manner in which Arya dispatches Rorge. The Hound asks why he wasn't on her famous list, she merely tells him that she never knew his name. After a quick introduction, Arya stabs him in a prompt "Right, off you go!" fashion.
And the Hound adds a pithy, "You're learning..." before the two continue on their way, just another day in the Riverlands for the dynamic duo.
A dark example, Oberyn describing a young Cersei pinching a baby Tyrion's cock.
Tyrion and Bronn discussing the latter's newly arranged marriage to Lollys Stokeworth.
Sansa's smirk when Robin boasts that he will throw the people she dislikes out of the Moon Door. There's the slight pause before it, and you know she's thinking, "First Joffrey and now this one, I sure attract the crazies."
Alternately, it could be read as, after all the shit she's been put through by so many people, she's considering taking him up on the offer.
8 — The Mountain and the Viper
Sandor and Arya learning that they've arrived at the Vale just days late after Lysa's death. Sandor's face slowly falls as his ransom goes swirling down the drain, while Arya just laughs her head off.
Or maybe she's finding it funny that every time she's about to be reunited with family, said family winds up dying.
The Vale knight's reaction was pretty funny too. As he turns to his fellow guards you can almost hear him whispering, "...The fuck?"
Before that, the Hound and Arya are bonding in the most awful ways as they walk along through the Vale, with Arya casually talking about how awesome it is when you look someone in the eye and they know you're going to kill them. The Hound agrees that there's nothing quite like that.
Waynwood: Who would approach the Bloody Gate?
Clegane: The bloody Hound!
The look Sansa gives Littlefinger after her lies get him out of his trial at the Vale. She is crying on an elderly woman's shoulder and just opens her eyes and gives him a look saying, "Two can play this game."
As Oberyn and Gregor's duel is beginning, Grand Maester Pycelle is doing a prayer for the Seven to guide the trial to a just verdict in various ways. After he's been going a few seconds too long, Tywin looks to the hornblower and gestures for him to blow. What really sells it is that Pycelle immediately takes the hint and shuts up and walks off the field.
Particularly with how reminiscent it is of an Oscar winner getting played off when their speech is too long.
And funnier because this is standard procedure. Tywin cut him off purely because it's Pycelle.
And Pycelle using his fake-senility act to be a petty shit to Tyrion again. "We gather to ascertain the guilt or innocence of this err...umm...man."
Daenerys referring to cock and balls as "Pillar and Stones".
Tyrion and Jaime's conversation before the trial is simultaneously tragic on multiple levels due to what they are talking about, and yet hilarious due to how dismissive and jocular the two are about everything they talk about in it. After Tyrion muses for a few moments about all the different words for different kinds of murder (suicide, homicide, patricide, regicide...) Jaime casually asks for the word for cousin killing in a hilariously dismissive Call Back to the scene in Season 2 when he murdered his own cousin in an effort to escape captivity, which Tyrion confesses he does not know. They then begin a thoroughly dickish discussion about poor brain damaged cousin Orson whom both happily mock including horrible yet hilarious impressions of him crushing beetles with a rock, with Jaime pointing out how Tyrion should have some sympathy for the disabled which Tyrion dismisses as he felt that laughing at the even more unfortunate made him feel like everyone else. When Tyrion reveals he went on an almost philosophical quest to find out why Orson hated beetles so much, he mentions the library of their old Maester (which causes Jaime to casually drop the fact said maester attempted to molest him once) and talks about all the efforts he went to in order to find the truth and how obsessed he became until Orson was killed by a mule. While the conversation becomes tragic towards the end, hearing these two snarkers casually joke about the most godawful things is just hilarious. Furthermore, the line about the mule comes absolutely out of nowhere, making the entire story almost seem like a long wrought-out joke.
While trying to decipher Orson's beetle smashing at the library, Tyrion laments that there is countless books about the ways of great men... and not a whole lot devoted to morons.
This priceless exchange:
Tyrion: Do you think Oberyn has a chance?
Tyrion: 'The Red Viper of Dorne', you don't get a name like that unless you're deadly, right?
Jamie: Never seen him fight.
Tyrion: Oh, he's going to die!I'm going to die!
This exchange from just before the start of the duel, when The Mountain strolls onto the scene:
What more is, Tyrion is obviously distracted and ready to shit his pants, not even glancing over when he opens his mouth. That quip is completely reflexive.
Tyrion telling Oberyn to wear a helmet is hilarious if you've heard George R.R. Martin's commentary on "Blackwater," where he endlessly bitches about Helmets Are Hardly Heroic.
Tyrion's stunned expression when Oberyn loses and he is sentenced to death. He doesn't seem afraid of dying so much as amazed that his renowned champion could lose in such humiliating fashion.
Ramsay and Roose's meeting is fraught with subtly funny moments in body language. The way Ramsay is trying so hard to play the deferential son and Roose looks at him with wariness and disdain. When he says, "Walk with me", the voice and body language essentially says, "Yup, I'm stuck with this one."
The scene where Roose tells Ramsay how the North is now theirs, which feels taken straight from The Lion King, and all the memes that followed.
The Mole's Town prostitute burping a tune and scolding the guy who always guesses "The Rains of Castamere".
And it's actually "The Bear and the Maiden Fair," leading to plenty more jokes about how those seem to be the only two songs that exist in this world.
In the middle of Tyrion rambling on about beetles, Jaime mentions that a maester tried to molest him. Tyrion continues without stopping.
9 — The Watchers on the Wall
The three different conversations about sex the characters have before the shit starts hitting the fan.
Sam nagging John for details as to his tryst with Ygritte.
Ygritte furiously interrupting Tormund's tale about fucking a bear, whilst sharpening a huge pile of arrows meant for Jon.
Aemon's irritation that Sam didnt think he could ever be interested in girls due to his age.
Aemon and Sam's "no I don't", "yes you do" over the latter's love for Gilly in all its childish glory.
Sam invoking Bros Before Hoes to Gilly before going off to battle and how this may be the moral of the entire episode.
Alliser Thorne's Brutal Honesty about the Enemy Mine situation he finds himself in with Jon. "You were right, I hate to admit it but you were right. Now, let's do our duty and defend the wall together so we can live and go back to hating each other."
His Surrounded by Idiots face when one of the men drops a barrel off the wall when he tells them to hold. He immediately switches from the Badass leader figure to a nagging teacher. Simultaneously a Crowning Moment of Funny and Awesome. His expression can be summed up as "I'm going to die tonight, and it has to be next to these incompetent idiots. Well, fuck."
It quickly becomes a Tear Jerker, but Sam and Pyp's earlier interactions during the battle are amusing.
Especially Pyp's excitement at having hit someone with an arrow.
Pyp: I hit one!
Sam: Is it over?
Sam: Well, then!
Janos Slynt running from the fight to hide in the larder, only to be met by Gilly giving him a WTF expression.
Plus, Gilly attempting to ward off unexpected visitors with a leg of ham while Slynt cowers pathetically behind the door.
Which, according to what Sam said earlier, makes her more of a man than Janos Slynt.
When Sam steps out onto the battlefield to fight, the Thenn warg sees him and immediately starts chasing him down. Guess he was really looking forward to some fat Sam crow meat after the battle.
One moment delivers a triple-whammy. First, one of the wildling archers attempts to fire up at the defenders at the top of the Wall... only to miss by a mile. Then, a giant lines up next to him, draws a massive bow of his own - as if to say "this is how it's done, kid," - and fires a shot that takes out a huge chunk of scaffolding. The giant's next shot hits one of the defenders, and it doesn't just impale him; it blasts him clean through the roof, over the battlements, off the Wall, and down into Castle Black's courtyard 700 feet below! The "where the hell did he come from?" reaction of the defender he lands next to is just icing on the cake.
Janos Slynt's ridiculous denial of giants....as he looks down at two of them storming the wall.
10 — The Children
Jamie's entrance to Tyrion's prison:
Tyrion: Oh, get on with it, you son of a whore.
Jamie: Is that any way to speak about our mother?
Tywin Lannister dies on a privy, proving Littlefinger quite right — some people do die squatting over their chamber pots.
Better yet, this episode aired on Father's Day.
It very quickly becomes not funny, but Shae and Tyrion's first reaction to seeing each other is stunned silence. Then they attack each other.
Better yet, this episode aired on the evening before Sibel Kekilli's birthday.
After Tyrion strangles her to death, the camera slowly pans over to Shae's face from a rather unflattering angle, then Tyrion says "I'm sorry" in a tone that sounds more like his usual snarky and sarcastic tone than apologetic. This troper saw the finale in a movie theatre, and the entire audience laughed at this point.
The extremely long fight between Brienne and the Hound. They're probably the two strongest characters in the show after Ser Gregor, and watching them beat the ever-loving crap out of each other and keep on kicking is like watching the infamous fight scene from They Live! — only with swords.
Before that, Arya crossly demanding Sandor stop taking a shit when she notices Brienne and Pod.
When Stannis and Davos are walking over to Jon and Mance, one wildling decides to run and attempt to kill Stannis, only to have a Baratheon cavalryman cut him off and cut him down, without Stannis and Davos even breaking stride.
Though the context is sad, Tormund lampshades the Slap-Slap-Kiss nature of Jon Snow and Ygritte's relationship.
Tormund: Did you love her? She loved you.
Jon: She told you?
Tormund: No. She never talked about anything but killing you. That's how I knew.
Mance tells Jon Snow that the giant who died in their tunnel was Mag the Mighty, the last of the bloodline of a great king. Jon tells him that his friend Grenn killed him. Grenn was a farmer.
Varys' "Fuck this, I'm outta here" face once he hears the bells ringing (itself a Call Back to his and Tyrion's conversation about bells heralding terrible things two seasons ago) in response to Tywin's death being discovered.
Also, his "cunning plan" to smuggle Tyrion out of Kings Landing. Unceremoniously packing him inside a crate and literally shipping him off to the Free Cities (Which also serves as a Call Back to Season 2, in this case Cersei's repeated angry rants about Tyrion shipping Myrcella to Dorne in a crate).
The still of him sitting beside that crate is hilarious, Varys is all "Move along nothing to see here, just an eunuch beside a crate that is just the right size for a small child or a small man, nothing special."
Also, his facial expression as he sits there: "I'm so starting to regret this..."
Mance Rayder gives Jon Snow a taste of proper Northern booze. Jon has troubles keeping it down.
Cersei's scene with Tywin is hilarious. Especially that long pause where she slowly smirks and taunts her father about the worst kept secret in Westeros, which he is the last person to discover is true.
Well there is no bigger blind that the one who doesn't want to see. It's pretty clear through the series that he does know, but is too prideful to admit it to himself. It's still hilarious to see Tywin losing his cool, shaking his hands, and answering "I... I don't believe you..." just after the confirmation comes out of Cersei's own lips.
Before that, her bluntly cutting him off as he's launching into another one of his self-congratulatory stories about how he made his kids do something they didn't want to do when they were young is just soooo satisfactory.
Bran and his companions being saved from the wights by the sudden appearance of one of the "Children" It's the way she says Bran's full name and how Bran's already weird storyline has gotten even more bizarre. As this video of a Chicago bar watching the finale shows, it's such a WTF? moment that you can't help but laugh.
It's appropriate that the partnership of our favorite Badass and Child Duo ends with a moment of Black Comedy. Arya Stark crouches down next to Sandor Clegane as if to give him a Mercy Kill...then she pinches his bag of silver and walks off without a word.
More of the same with Tywin's death. "You're afraid of a dead whore?"—thwack! Quarrel in the chest.
Out of Canon/Commentaries
Behind The Scenes
In the series pilot, co-creators Benioff and Weiss mocking Arya's obviously dubbed-in exposition about Jaime as "our finest writing moment."
Arya: That's Jaime Lannister, the Kingslayer.
Benioff: Hours and hours we spent working on that.
Episode 2 has Lena Headey (Cersei), Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau (Jaime) and Mark Addy (Robert Baratheon) taking a moment to comment how terribly unattractive actors Kit Harrington (Jon Snow) and Richard Madden (Robb Stark) are:
Doreah: Men like what they've never had. And the Dothraki take slaves like a hound taking a bitch.
The story of how Kit Harrington and John Bradley got stuck in the Wall's elevator for an hour, with an ever-growing number of people gathering below them.
Michelle Fairley (Catelyn) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jaime) bantering in this commentary, and having...uh..difficulties to pronounce "Jaqen".
From Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau and Michelle Fairley's commentary, Coster-Waldeau points out how a pause in Robb and Talisa's sex scene could be interpreted as Robb having finished very quickly, forcing Fairley to defend her "son's" sexual prowess.
During the build-up to Robb's sex scene, when he offers Talisa wine:
Michelle Fairley: "He's gonna get her drunk and have his way." Nikolaj Coster-Waldau: "King in the North!"
George R.R. Martin's obsession with the main characters not wearing helmets in the "Blackwater" commentary. He starts on it as soon as the battle begins and refuses to let it go for the rest of the episode.
The entirety of Alfie Allen and Gemma Whalen's commentary on "The Night Lands". Two very goofy people who hold nothing about the show sacred, feeling free to let loose.
But especially whenever Theon is dealing with his family, and they instantly both start redubbing the scene as stroppy teenagers.
And, during the scene where Gendry reveals that he knows Arya is a girl.
Gemma: "Take your cock out... not you, Alf. Put it away."
Vitriolic Best Buds Liam Cunningham and Carice Van Houten have quite a few moments, like Carice recounting her numerous animal phobias, and their discussion of inherently funny lines.
During the infamous ending 'shadow' scene, they're discussing Liam's eagerness to see Carice's fake pregnancy and his sheer embarrassment after mistaking her real breasts for fake ones, thinking they were using a full-body prosthetic.
Liam: Then what did you show them to me for?!
Lena Headey referring to Liam Cunningham as a "sexy badger" due to the coloring of his beard in the second Blackwater commentary.
In the commentary for "A Golden Crown", Harry Lloyd talking about his favourite lines from various character and his embarrassment after sshing everyone for Mark Addy's, only for the scene to then have Robert slap Cersei hard across the face without saying a word;
Emilia: That is your favourite line?! Harry: No, no! This next line here!
Discussing the strong women on the show, Alan Taylor asks Emilia Clarke if she's worried about the competition.
Emilia: "Oh, honey, I've got dragons. I'm going to win."
From episode 10, during Brienne's execution of the northerners...
In the Blackwater commentary, Peter Dinklage mentioning his grandmother mishearing him and thinking he'd won the part of "Interior Bannisters".
The revelation that Richard Madden won the Most Stylish Man In Scotland award, and that Kit Harrington has never let him forget it.
When John Bradley (Samwell Tarly) is asked what his house sigil and motto would be, he replies thusly:
The motto would probably be 'Oh for god's sake. ' D'you know sometimes when you get an ice lolly?...And you wait too long to eat it and it melts and it falls off the stick? The disappointment that that encapsulates would suit 'Oh for god's sake' quite perfectly. Although, to go into battle with that on a banner, you've lost the battle already, psychologically, I think.
In a Season 2 interview, Kit Harington recalls that one of the funniest scenes the Iceland filming crew got was when they literally filmed John Bradley's face freezing up slowly "into a block of ice".
Kit: He got.. icicles on his little eyelashes. Emilia and Lena: Aww..
When Charles Dance is asked on The Jonathan Ross Show to introduce his character, he says:
Before filming the Season 2 finale, the crew gave Alfie Allen a fake script saying that Theon would be killed. To their disappointment, instead of getting upset, he was willing to go along with it. It wasn't until he read a part about Theon rising as a wight that he realized they were pulling a prank on him.
The scene itself was written so that Bran would kill Theon while riding on Hodor, which makes it even more hilarious.
In the same vid, when asked what her house sigil and motto would be, she picked a tortoise as the animal because of their hard shell. And the motto? Go hard, or go home!
Bryan Cogman admitting that Selyse keeping her stillborn sons in jars was just a random idea he had in the middle of the night that he put in the "Kissed by Fire" script as a joke, never expecting the other crew members would actually go for it.
When HBO released a promo still of Rickon for Series 3, Art Parkinson joked on Twitter about how even he had to run and check that he'd actually been in it?!
The bear from "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" was named Bart.
And gets a single credit screen all to himself (he's actually the second movie star bear to have the name, born shortly after the death of the first).
While filming the bear's scenes, the crew kept shouting "nice bear!" and playing country music to not upset it.
More from GRRM's appearance on Conan: he talks about growing up in New Jersey, looking out across the river and seeing this glittering city and wondering just what kind of people lived there and what kind of adventures there were to be had. Of course what he was seeing was Staten Island, much to everyone's (including grown-up Martin himself) amusement.
When Iwan Rheon was being asked about the best of playing Ramsay, he responded that it was torturing Theon, which caused the reporter to ask how is it to torture Alfie Allen. Rheon says that it is fiction, and that Allen still has a penis.
The aforementioned 4 actors also performed a parody of Renly's death scene which included Loras. After the scene is finished, Gethin's facial expression as he's getting up pretty much says, "I totally didn't expect that Finn would kiss me on the mouth!"
George Martin discovering that the inevitable XXX-rated parody had shied away from portraying Brother-Sister Incest, so he now has a TV series that's dirtier than its porn version.
Throughout several interviews and pieces of promotional material, Jason Momoa simply refuses to accept that his character has been killed off. At one point he crashes a Comic Con, shouts, "I'm not dead, George!" and plants a big one on Emilia Clarke.
When asked about whether or not the game would have sex scenes in it, Telltale Games said "There are sex scenes in Game of Thrones?".
The Season 4 video Foreshadowing has some good bits, like Kit Harington talking about the difficulty of treating a "big green dummy" like it's your lifelong pet, Gwendoline Christie's Evil Laugh, and, this troper's personal favorite, Nikolaj Coster Waldau and Peter Dinklage doing a dance number during Tyrion's trial.
On the Season 3 commentaries, Gwendoline Christie's shock and grief at learning that, due to a broken ankle, Kit Harrington had to use a butt double in "Kissed By Fire".
Followed by an extremely prolonged discussion of Richard Madden's cleavage.
Bryan Cogman claims that he'd intended to play Maester Pylos before the character was Adapted Out.
Vanessa Taylor repeatedly ribbing Catelyn for constantly crying throughout Season 3.
Kit talking about how he "hugged" Rose off the Wall.
Emilia Clarke on what it was like watching Season 1 with her parents. "Dad, you need to go make another cup of coffee. Now, now, now, please."
Michelle Fairley relates how she ran into Natalia Tena on their shared last day on the season, and Tena excitedly (and rather tactlessly, given what Fairley had spent the past week filming) proclaimed that she hadn't gotten a farewell basket from the producers, meaning she would be coming back.
Iwan Rheon claims he has the map from the credits tattooed on his ass. Plus, cheerfully calling out to his dad whenever Roose is onscreen.
George RR Martin explains that the Season 3 scripts featured a lot of scenes being swapped around between episodes, which makes him quite happy as he's able to talk about how great the writing in "his" episode is without feeling awkward about praising his own work.
When Maester Aemon appears, Iwan says to Emilia "He's related to you, right?" referring to Aemon being Dany's great-uncle. Iain Glen is left utterly confused, thinking he's talking about the actors.
Martin insists a little too strongly that the scene where Theon is castrated was taken from another episode's script, and he had nothing to do with the entire storyline, which rings pretty hollow considering he wrote the books in the first place.
The Season 3 History and Lore video on Robert's Rebellion, which features some catty bickering between Varys and Littlefinger, all done in the same dead serious tone as the other H&L videos.
The Blackfish also gets in some good snark during his videos on the Riverlands and House Tully.
(About the family sigil) The trout, that most terrifying of fish, especially when it leaps out of the water. I suppose you don't have many options when you live in the Riverlands.
(About making alliances through marriage) Our trout has swum up so many rivers over the centuries and leapt onto so many plates that it's a wonder that half the realm's sigils don't have fins by now.
If Westeros isn't careful, pretty soon our people will grow some sense and abandon this place for a safer realm... like the Dothraki Sea.
Thoros remarking that his heroic charge on the Greyjoys was due to him desperately needing to piss, and calling the War of the Five Kings "those brats squabbling over the world's pointiest chair."
Gethin Anthony revealed at the 2014 EM-Con GoT panel that he wrote Renly/Loras fanfiction to help him understand the characters and their relationship better, but judging by the audience's amused reaction, some dirty-minded fans were evidently hoping that he had composed pure smut. Even Kristian Nairn's face turned beet red when he realized what the crowd were chuckling at. Gethin's expression could be read as, "Damn, I should've expected that the R/L shippers would twist my words in that way."
At the same convention, Gethin also spoke of how he annoyed Jack Gleeson on set by sending him numerous notes as his Uncle Renly admonishing his nephew's bad behaviour. Jack's response to Gethin's one-time gift of a Jelly Baby is appropriately Joffrey-like.
Gethin: I gave young Jack Gleeson a present once, and he sent it back, because on set I would write him little notes from Uncle Renly telling him to stop being a naughty boy. And I sent him a Jelly Baby as a gift to his trailer with a little note telling him what he should be doing, and he sent it back with the head bitten off.
Gethin: It wasn't funny necessarily for me, but someone got a kick out of it. I was fully dressed up in my lovely little outfit from Season 1 and it was rainy outside. The costume department very kindly gave me an umbrella, "Be careful." "Of course, I'll just skip from my trailer to the studio, so it's only about a 5-minute walk." So I'm walking over and it's really raining cats and dogs, I'm keeping it all protected, and then this big car — a Jag — just swooshed around the corner and nails me completely with a puddle! It splashes all over me, and I just stood there going, "What the...?" As I stood there soaking, the driver [...] was all, "Gethin, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!" and Sean Bean gets out of the back and goes "Heh, that was funny that!"
Finn Jones was entertainingly wacky and hyperactive during this Season 4 NYC premiere red carpet interview, and many fans even suspected that he was high as a kite and/or drunk at the time (although the actor would later deny that he was inebriated in any way). Some have suggested that Finn should host next year's event, as he's much more fun and dynamic than the reporter from Facebook Live.
Interviewer: Maybe Loras can be the Father of Unicorns. We have a Mother of Dragons.
Finn: We can get Renly back from the dead, and we can do that "thing," and make some unicorns.
Ramsay Bolton: The screams of Reek, that's my music.
Robb Stark: Yeah, you're so funny Frey, you bastard, oh and by the way...I HATE THAT SONG.
Stannis Baratheon: If only you had declared for me...
Jon Snow: Best shag that i've had.
Ygritte: The only shag you've had,you fucking crow.
The Fake Movie Real Trailer "Medieval Land Fun-Time World by Bad Lip Reading (extended scenes here). What sets this apart from other fake dubs is that all dialogue comes from YouTube's poor automatic transcriptions of the original show scenes. The resulting story is undeniably stupid, but clever editing and a couple of FX manage to make it coherent* "Eddie" is overseeing the opening of a new Medieval theme park: if he succeeds, he'll have enough money to pay for his little kid's toenail transplant; if not, he'll be "right back at finger painting college". The funniest part is how much of the original characters personality remains intact: "Eddie"* Eddard Stark is the Only Sane Man who takes his responsibility a little too seriouslynote "Dang it Petey! Don't ever call it a Renaissance Faire, all right?!"; "Bobby B"* Robert Baratheon is a perpetual drunk, Big Eater who takes nothing seriously; "Jo Jo"* Joffrey Baratheon is a little shit nobody likes; "Terry"* Tyrion Lannister is the outspoken cool guy; "Denise"* Daenerys Targaryen is a popular but na´ve girl bullied by her loser brother; "Petey"* Petyr Baelish is a self proclaimed troll/pervert; "Susie"* Cersei Lannister is The Libby (and also a Hard-Drinking Party Girl) who takes shit from no one; "Ferris"* Varys is a sophisticated Sissy Villain and Pycelle is a secretly healthy senior that pretends to be a (literal) old fart. The only exceptions are Sansa, who displays her dislike of "Jo Jo" in public, and "Jimmy Whisper"* Jaime Lannister, a Cloud Cuckoo Lander (or possible Erudite Stoner) who speaks only in whispers.
Renly: Well, if your brother misses your birthday — every single one of them — it's very possible he's just a fat old drunk who might end up getting gutted by a wild boar and dying of a hideous infection, so it won't even matter.
Khal Drogo: Dothraki respects all ponies. Applejack tramples weaker horses. Rarity takes what is hers. Pinkie Pie commands the mighty party cannon. Fluttershy makes beasts kneel, trembling. Twilight Sparkle has great command over her dragon. I respect that. No Dothraki horse can defeat Rainbow Dash. Friendship is magic. It is known.
And last, but not least...
Renly: Is my crown on straight?
Stannis: It's straight enough.
Renly: That's what my coat of arms says.
Barely hours after the episode airing Joffrey's death finished, fan reaction videos were posted of fans celebrating the ending.
The picture of Lena Heady and Haf■ˇr Bj÷rnsson in full costume, with very out of character huge goofy grins on their faces.
This picture of Pedro Pascal and Haf■ˇr Bj÷rnsson hitting the beach, which is the last thing their characters would do.
The amazing song Some Character I Used to Know looking at how there were three major character deaths way back in season 1 that no one saw coming at the time and how the fans by now have learned. And with lines about how Khal Drogo "got a paper cut are you for real?" and "but then you put my dreams in check/ when you put a sword through Ned Stark's neck..." it's definitely a riot instead of a tearjerker.
Also, all the characters are played by the two female singers. Including Khal Drogo and Ned Stark.