Random

Funny: Space Station 13

  • Nearly half of anyone's experiences with the game can be considered this.
  • Buttbots. They say "butt" on occasion, and repeat what a player says, with "butt" replacing many words. It's funnier than you'd think!
    • They're good at lightening the mood, moreso. Say, there's an Eldritch Abomination that's cornering a man into death in a dark corridor, and as he cries out his final words "OH GOD, I CAN SEE FOREVER! YOU FOOLS" are copied as "OH GOD, I CAN SEE BUTT! YOU BUTTS"
  • The Clown is very often, quite tragically hilarious.
  • Wet floors, especially when paired with a broken window into space in the escape wing, are magnificent at this.
  • Some of the gimmicks used by the crew. Feeding people poo. Vomiting and drinking their vomit that they scraped off the floor ETC.
  • Last words:
    • "Wizard! Lets be bros!"
    • "Pouring my heated gas directly into my explosive mix certain would make my bomb stronger!"
    • "Pfft. Nobody ever bothers with explosive cigarettes!"
    • The research station nuke has been activated! T-60 seconds: "Yuu gut boomed by the fooking chef! Bork bork bork!"
    • "Shoot a hipster, lets see who's underground now."
    • Ghost(monkey (571)) says, "I was tasked with killing 50% of the monkeys"
      • "So they turned you into a monkey!"
      • "I became what I hated SO BAD."
  • In a rev round, the heads welded the bridge teleporter beacon into a locker, trapping a normal rev and two rev heads. They then opened it up, expecting to stun the people inside. "I was not expecting an energy sword" Inexplicably made vastly funnier because that comment was in admin-red text.
  • During a particularly bloody xeno round:
    Head of Personnel says: "WHY WOULD YOU MOP THE MEDBAY FLOOR AT A TIME LIKE THIS"
  • For April Fools Day, /tg/station added an interface for erotic role playing. Allowing you to put your hand down people's pants and so on. If you had someone's hand down your pants, you were effectively stunned. Cue a changeling getting thwarted by his mark sticking his hand down the changeling's pants while paralyzed.
  • "So Chaplain Mola Ram actually WAS a traitor. WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED"
  • As a ghost, observing an atmos technician running down the escape arm to fix a plasma leak with a lit cigarette. Then, observing the same technician running away from the resulting explosion.
  • The slurred speech when drunk can result in some interesting changes, especially if you have a snarky AI and say that you're about to save the med-bay from zombies.
    • AI: "Please do not shave the med-bay."
  • The following is a transcript from a Goon server where the AI claimed that a female member of the crew was a succubus and the captain, Line Hightower, attempted to lead a security assault on her. As the geneticist, I was not in the area and only received transmissions via headset.
    Debbie Kemp [145.9] says, "So this is the most Report worthy crew ever in history"
    Line Hightower [145.9] says, "AI, Door."
    Line Hightower [145.9] says, "FILE YOUR COMPLAINTS WITH NANOTRANSEN, SUCCUBUS."
    Debbie Kemp [145.9] says, "I am not filling a complaint I would if I was that type AI"
    Line Hightower [145.9] stammers, "AAHH"
    Line Hightower [145.9] stammers, "Tuurrrnnn iitt offff!"
    Line Hightower [145.9] stammers, "TTTUURRRNNN I OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF"
    Line Hightower [145.9] stammers, "IIII Reeegggrreeeet ttthiiis ccoorseeooff aaccttiiioonnnn.."
  • This is from a newscaster on a roleplay server:
    • [Story by Grzeslaw Nowak (Journalist)]
    • -Two stories in one! Medbay in dire need of cleaning due to massive ammount of blood. Get workin' Janitors. And in other news, Art Davis, current captain, was assaulted and had his gun stolen. Quote: "tH-H-Hat-t-t-t Rat-t-t f-fUK-K-Kk-k ah-ht-tt-tah-hk-keD M-Me ah-hn-nd-d S-St-tULe m-m'Y-Y gun-n." If anyone knows the location of "that rat fuck" or has seen an energy gun laying around, please report it to your nearest Art Davis.
  • Wishes, wishes, God is now taking wishes.
    • Aliens
      • "Xenos in the air ducts at arrivals"
      • (later) "Xenos in med bay"'
    • Ner-si Has Risen
      • Then got spaced by hyper competent engineers
    • The clowns had honk mechs
      • Three times
    • The escape shuttle exploded
    • Ner-si Has Risen ... Again
      • And Again
    • Godmin: granted
  • This recounting of a particularly insane Wizard round. It can be summed up in two words- "Butt Plans".
  • On the /tg/station servers, a Syndicate Operative team decided that instead of the usual plan, which is to attack the station with military weaponry and detonate the nuke by force, that it would be better to teleport aboard and politely ask for the nuclear authentication disk needed to blow their nuke. After some talks, they were given a standard, blank, research disk, which had a paper label on it marked NUCLEAR AUTHENTICATION. On a server marked for everybody using meta knowledge to be expert at game mechanics, none of them noticed, and the Syndicates left, happily gloating.
    • Come to think of it, Nuclear Emergency rounds in general, which would reasonably be very serous because of how direct, short, and brutal they tend to be, end up spawning hilarious stories often. Such as the clown stealing the Syndicates' nuke and hiding it in the reinforced AI Core in the heart of the station, stealing victory from their grasp.
    • Or the one admin known on /tg/ for regularly sending in Nuclear teams... equipped with clown masks and shoes, complete with little horn sound effects. As they murder you. The effect is surprisingly chilling when the power goes out, you're plunged into darkness, comms go dead, and all you hear are distant gunfire... and the little squeaks and honks, getting closer and closer...
    • One story of a nasty admin disguised the nuke ops as pizza delivery men. They would politely ask access to the bridge with a pizza box each. After the lot of them were inside before the captain and heads of personnel, they asked "Did you order pizzas?". They gave away the pizzas, drew their weapons, and shot them on the spot. Then, they decapitated the bodies, and stuck a pizza in their gaping necks. "Here's your pizza."
  • A story from /tg/ is funny in a very, very, very dark way. Simply put, a traitor decides that instead of completing her objective, she's going to become a serial killer. Who sets up her victims in a grotesque tea party tableau.
    • To emphasize the sheer terror she inflicted on the station, the mime broke his vow of silence and quit his job on the spot after seeing the corpses sitting around the table.
  • This little highlight from a particularly odd round. The bartender made things get... very interesting:
    Bartender Bradley Buzzcut [145.9] exclaims, " A likely story! You probably killed Pun Pun to give yourself an erection so you could have sex with the dead body of the monkey you just killed!"
    E.M.I.T.T.E.R [145.9] states, "waht"
    Miner Johnson T Konich [145.9] asks, " wut?"
    Miner Danuis Studnick [145.9] says, "Bartender, what."
    Officer Jayrin DP fires the taser gun!
    Officer Jayrin DP fires the taser gun!
    E.M.I.T.T.E.R [145.9] states, "Waht is dis I dun aven"
    Ho P Maynard Wolfe [145.9] asks, " Bartender you feeling ok?"
    The world shakes for a moment as the gods attempt to understand WHAT THE FUCK THE BARTENDER JUST SAID
  • The situations the crew find themselves in are often so insane that it results in instant comedy. Case in point:
  • Yogstation: A captain offers his spare ID to the first person who can beat him in a boxing match. The very first person to come by, (a traitor), accepts the challenge and beats the shit out of him.
  • Goonstation: Pretty much any time the Botanists grow Weed (Cannibis) and bring it to the crew, they will snap it up regardless of the risk involved... or how much smoking it ruins their ability to function, just for the hilarity that follows.
    • This is especially true of Omega Weed, which has no less than twenty different hallucinogens/drugs/debilitators/whatever, plus God knows what else if the Botanist is skilled. One round where Yours Truly brought 1000-potency Omega Weed (50 units of each reagent, several well above overdose thresholds) to the Escape Shuttle ended with half of the crew missing the shuttle, one person smoking a blunt made out of money, two people set on fire because they wandered into the blunt-rolling paper with their own blunts lit, and one unlucky guy crushed by the shuttle on arrival because he stumbled out the airlock.
    • In a similar vein to Cannibis, some people will also eat up food or pills left on the floor just to see what will happen. Unsurprisingly this usually results in death, or excruciating pain sometimes followed by death.
  • One silly round involved an admin-created dungeon for players to try and navigate for sweet, adminspawn-only rewards. One certain player entered, but merely sat at the entrance as several others went in ahead of him. While it would make sense for him to wait until they triggered all the traps and he could just waltz through the devastation, he did no such thing - because he was a Changeling, and was in fact waiting for people to die in the dungeon so he could devour them. Aside from earning a few screams and raised eyebrows from later entrants, the Changeling was otherwise friendly and amicable while it feasted on its pile of corpses. The escape shuttle departed with a player granted immortality for clearing the dungeon, some stragglers from the station proper, and the Changeling with 30+ crew members eaten.
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