Funny / Proven Guilty

• A subtle one that's easily missed on a first reading, but there's something absolutely hysterical about how due to the Chicago summer being so insufferably hot, Harry's clothes that he walks out of the warehouse where he'd just attended the execution of a teenage warlock in consist of red basketball shorts and a jersey.
  • Furthermore, when Harry gets in the Blue Beetle and has been driving for a while, Lasciel's Shadow gives him a major Jump Scare when she suddenly appears in the passenger's seat. Cue Harry ordering her to put on a seatbelt. Additionally, he refuses to listen to her until she does so (which she eventually complies with, despite her lampshading how, as a psychic projection, she obviously doesn't need a seat belt).
    Harry: [dismissively] I don't care. My car, my rules.
• Harry quoting The Dukes of Hazzard after getting into a wreck that requires him to climb out the side of the Beetle.
• Harry kicks down a door, ready for a fight, and shouts, "And I'm all out of bubblegum!". Naturally, there's nobody there.
• Harry asks why Charity and Molly are so at odds with each other.
  Michael: Molly was arrested. Possession.
  Harry: She was possessed?!
  Michael: [sighs wearily] Possession. Marijuana and ecstasy. She was at a party and the police raided it. She was caught holding them.
  • The best part is, knowing Harry's life (and Michael's, for the times he's 'on the clock'), his assumption makes perfect sense. Even better, his sighing could have a double meaning; he's sighing in an "I wish" way - that it isn't demonic possession, which from his perspective would probably be easier to deal with than drugs, both legally and domestically.
• While at SPLATTERCON!!! Harry and Rawlins have to get those name tags that read "Hello! I'm...". Since the printer is broken, they can write in whatever they want. Harry writes in "An Innocent Bystander". Rawlins, meanwhile, writes in "An Authority Figure".
• Bob's reaction to Molly showing up at Harry's door to shower. Giddy doesn't even begin to cover it. Made even funnier in the audiobooks, where James Marsters' giddy Bob voice is absolutely hilarious.
  • And once Harry shuts Bob in a drawer to shut him up, Lash shows up in a mirror and adds that he's got a point. Oh, and she doesn't even give any token effort to try and tempt him into picking up Lasciel's Coin, either — as she disappears immediately after her comment, this means that she literally popped up just to annoy Harry about the obviousness of Molly's Precocious Crush on him.
  • A few minutes later, Molly's mother shows up at the door. With a priest. Naturally, this is the exact moment Molly walks out in nothing but a Modesty Towel. Cue Megaton Punch from Charity.
• Also in the audiobooks, whenever SPLATTERCON!!! is mentioned, James Marsters says, "Splattercon, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point," in a somewhat deadpan voice.
• Due to being bone tired at the time, Harry has absolutely no patience when being subjected to an interrogation by Detective Greene while at SPLATTERCON!!!, with Harry not even bothering to try and rephrase the actual supernatural events that occurred there as something "normal" that the public would better understand. Harry's narration has him then musing in an aside about how many mental hoops "vanilla mortals" jump through upon first seeing the supernatural, and how when some vanilla cops see the supernatural for the first time, they're easier at accepting it. Harry then sourly notes that by this point in the interrogation, he was so fed up with Greene's crap that he was tempted to levitate Greene onto the ceiling just to show him the supernatural actually exists before simply walking out of the convention center and leaving Greene there.
• "Get away from her, you bitch!"
  • For a bit of context, said line was uttered just before Harry engaged a fear-consuming faerie masquerading as an unnamed movie monster with black carapace, serrated tail, feline agility, double jaws and acidic blood.^note And then made bitter by the fact that, being distracted by enjoying himself awesomely thrashing the monster, he let the actual victim bleed out. Though in fairness to Harry, he wasn't entirely aware how critical her condition was and letting the faerie escape would have been really bad.
• Harry gets captured by a second string vampire, who... puts him up for sale on eBay.
  Crane: Start building more tax shelters, Glau. This is going rather well.
  Harry: Yeah? So who's going to pony up for one Harry Dresden, slightly used?
• A bit darker and less intentional than other examples, but when the phobophages attack the Carpenter household, Daniel Carpenter manages to escape Hammerhands, the man with sledgehammers for hands... by climbing the ladder to his treehouse. The dissonance between the seriousness of the situation and the kind-of-silliness of his method of escape is sort of hilarious.
• When Charity is introduced to Thomas, she fixes him with a steady stare and says levelly, "You're the White Court vampire who took my husband to that strip club."
  • There's also this bit right before that, where Harry tells her that Thomas is more dangerous than he looks:
    Thomas: I have a black belt.
• When the team are gearing up to go into the Nevernever, Murphy asks who else he's bringing for help, to which Harry is evasive, pissing her off.
  Murphy: [while giving Harry a Death Glare] You're enjoying this. You just love to dance around questions and spring surprises when you know something the rest of us don't.
  Harry: [smugly] It's like heroin for wizards.
• Harry & company are about to raid the capital of the Winter Court itself — Arctis Tor — only to find that someone else has already kicked in the front door and wrecked half the place. Murphy asks who would have the juice to do that, and Harry has no idea.
  Harry: I...I'm starting to think that maybe I'm getting a little bit out of my depth, here.
  [Thomas bursts out laughing]
• Harry's response to learning just how many Winter fae are coming to kill him, which provides one of the best Understatements in the history of the whole series.
  Lea: You summoned forth the power of Summer here in Arctis Tor, in the heart of all Winter. When you did so, those of Winter felt the agony of it. And now they come to slay you or drive you forth.
  Harry: Uh. How many of them?
  Lea: Why, all of Winter, child. All of us.
  Harry: ...Crap.
• Molly explaining to Harry that she's "explored"^note A little context - Harry, attempting to get Molly's rebellious streak under control, has, among other things, asked if she is sexually active, to which she gives the above response to which Harry replies, "Well, Magellan...."
• When Molly becomes Harry's apprentice, she seems to think that it will involve passionate lovemaking and isn't subtle about it, to the point that when Harry tells her to go take a shower, he steps over to his sink and fills a pitcher with ice-cold water and waits. Molly comes out of the bathroom naked and says that she's willing to do whatever it takes to be his apprentice, clearly excited by the prospect. Harry tells her to close her eyes and kneel and pours the ice-cold water all over her.
• One of the greatest Wrong Genre Savvy moments of the series: A vampire gloats on how he's going to get away with his murderous crimes because Harry would never dare break "the rules" of The Masquerade and reveal the existence of the supernatural to real humans. Harry's response is to point out he's in the phone book under "Wizards."

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