"ZOMG! There are French people in Canada? That's like, right next door! OH NOES!"
Made better when you realize that she didn't say "Zee Oh Em Gee", she said "Zom-guh".
Whaat, who pronounces it like an abbreviation? The Z doesn't even stand for anything. . .
The title to the second trade paperback: I Kick Your Face.
Pretty much the whole book is Made of Win. Go and read it already.
It even has a theme song:
Monica! Is gonna microwave your [bleep]! Tabby! Is going to steal all your stuff! Aaron! Is going to organise your sock drawer. Elsa! Is gonna speak with an accent! The Captain! His name is the Captain!
Dirk Anger: So you're the fresh fish, huh? New H.A.T.E. trainees, wondering if you're going to make the grade as full agents. You know who I am? I'm Dirk Anger, director of H.A.T.E. I've been director of H.A.T.E. for longer than you've been alive. Except maybe you. You look kinda old.
Recruit: I'm thirty, sir.
Dirk Anger: Thirty? You look like a bag of dried buttskin. I'm older'n you. I'm ninety years old. You know how I look so pretty? I take drugs. Special H.A.T.E. drugs. Life-extending drugs. H.A.T.E. has the best drugs. Because H.A.T.E. loves me. And I love H.A.T.E. Every day of my horrible drug-extended terrorist-fighting life. Every day I smoke two hundred cigarettes and one hundred cigars and drink a bottle of whisky and three bottles of wine with dinner. And dinner is meat. Raw meat. The cook serves me an entire animal and I fight it bare-handed and tear off what I want and eat it and have the rest buried. In New Jersey! For H.A.T.E.!
The Captain's origin story. First, his discovery that all the good Captain names were taken; then, his short run of going by Captain ☠☠☠☠, which ended when he introduced himself as such to Captain America. (Who then beat seven kinds of it out of The Captain and left him in a dumpster with a bar of soap in his mouth.)