Funny / New Jedi Order

  • In Vector Prime, the first book, Lando is up to his old tricks: he doesn't just own a mining operation, but he's found a way to bring in tourism. In this case, it's asteroid mining, and he's put get together a special course—if you want, you can pilot a TIE Advanced (think Vader's personal fighter) with super-strong shields through the asteroid field to see how long you last before you run into one. Jacen tries, and gets a decent time. Then Anakin—who does better, but his run ends with such a violent collision that, despite the shields holding, people are momentarily worried he's actually been hurt. He's not, though...just feeling a little green.
    "You beat Jacen."
    "I don't care."
  • To add a bit of context, the main page quote comes from a vast gathering of all the Vong castes upon Yuuzhan'tar, formerly Coruscant. Each of the castes recites their battle cry. The intendant (i.e. bureaucrat) caste, to which Nom Anor belongs, doesn't have one, but if they did...
    • Well? Have you triple-checked the order with your superiors?
  • From Star By Star:
    Ganner Rhysode (in Yuuzhan Vong disguise) Pol dwag, kane a bar. [(phrase unknown), dung of a rotting meat maggot]
    Yuuzhan Vong: Kanabar? [Low-caste person]
    Ganner: Dwi, kane a bar! [Yes, dung of a rotting meat maggot]
    Yuuzhan Vong: Yadag dakl, ignot! [(Meaning unknown, but certainly an angry response)]
  • Han's assessment of what the Empire would have done against the Yuuzhan Vong if the Rebels hadn't defeated them.
    "What the Empire would have done was build a super-colossal Yuuzhan Vong–killing battle machine. They would have called it the Nova Colossus or the Galaxy Destructor or the Nostril of Palpatine or something equally grandiose. They would have spent billions of credits, employed thousands of contractors and subcontractors, and equipped it with the latest in death-dealing technology. And you know what would have happened? It wouldn't have worked. They'd forget to bolt down a metal plate over an access hatch leading to the main reactors, or some other mistake, and a hotshot enemy pilot would drop a bomb down there and blow the whole thing up. Now that's what the Empire would have done."
  • The Enemy Lines duology was written by Aaron Allston, so naturally it has quite a few funny moments.
    • Face Loran asking Mara Jade to give him a kiss for luck, while both are in the guise of Yuuzhan Vong warriors? Amusing. Face Loran then turning to Luke and asking him for a kiss? Hilarious.
    • Wes Janson flirting with the leader of Twin Suns squadron...only to find later that he'd been flirting with Jaina Solo, a pilot young enough to be his daughter.
      • And is the daughter of not only two of his good friends, but all around Heroes and Leaders of the Rebellion, Han and Leia Solo.
    • Luke taking a dip in a devourer tank. To anyone else it would be a lethal mistake, but Luke was able to survive it by thinking "I am not food" at the microorganic goo very insistently. However...
    Luke: I guess I forgot to tell the stuff, "my clothes aren't food, either".
    • Artoo is programmed to insult anyone around him. Either Artoo or whoever programmed him is very creative with the insults he uses.
    R2-D2: [upon being asked for his name] That's none of your business. In any case, your facial feature set suggests that you do not have the intelligence to retain my name for more than a nanosecond. It is evident that you have been taught to repeat sounds that you have heard and that you understand neither the words you hear nor the ones that emerge from your mouth.
    Tycho: We'll put that in your biography. General Antilles was so good he couldn't fail when he tried to.
    • Commander Davip's ploy to motivate the ragtag crew of the Lusankya during Operation Emperor's Hammer: commandeer one of the turbolasers himself and announcing that anyone who has worse accuracy than he will be shipped planetside for corpseman detail. The baffled look on their faces convinces him that he should've done something like this years ago.
    • Czulkang Lah's getting so fed up with his aide failing to realize the meaning of an enemy attack he openly questions whether the aide is an empty ooglith masquer, then outright starts calling the aide Ooglith Masquer as if it was his name.
    • R2 and 3PO convincing a security droid that a blaster pistol, lightsaber, and other instruments of mayhem are in fact a meal intended for some high-security prisoners.