Funny / Misfits

Since this is a Moments page, all SPOILERS are uncovered. You have been warned.

Series 1

• Simon tries to comfort Kelly:
  Simon: I'm sorry you're bald.
  Kelly: Thanks.
  
  * Kelly's threat of physical harm is intimidating until you think it through.
  Kelly: I'll kick you so hard in the cunt your mum will feel it!
  Nathan: Her mum will feel it? How does that work?
• While you do have some sympathy for Sam, Curtis' attempts to break up with her without making her cry is Cringe Comedy.
  Sam: You're breaking up with me with a line from Spider Man?!
• Nathan creating a ridiculous distraction to prevent Sally from finding the "incriminating items"(Tony and Gary's decaying bodies) in her car-boot by hurling a brick at her windscreen and being as obnoxious about it as possible:
  Nathan: It's just pure, mindless vandalism!
  Sally: What is the matter with you! Are you mentally deficient?!
  Nathan: If I was mentally deficient, I would've missed! Check that out...bullseye!
  * "Save me, Barry!"
• Nathan's impression of Bono, which prompts this reaction when no-one gets it:
  Nathan: Alright, I'll give you a clue — I'm an annoying cunt!
  Alisha: Yeah, we know that.
• Nathan's riot in the bowling alley, culminating in the stapler attack.
  Nathan: (over intercom) They sewed up his clunge!
• Simon and Kelly's dancing in Episode 2.
  • From the same episode, Nathan pushing a little old lady in a wheelchair across the dance floor—only to let her go rolling out the door when he notices Ruth.
  • Nathan's explanation for why he's on community service to Ruth, at a pensioners' party.
  Nathan: I sexually assaulted a 90-year-old.
  • Nathan trying to chat up Ruth—only to end up getting blocked by an old lady wanting to dance. Cue Nathan furiously mouthing "fuck off" at her.
  • "SHE'S STEALING YOUR PENSION!"
• "I think Nathan's stealing a baby."
  • Nathan's ideas for how he'll provide for the baby:
  Nathan: I'll steal from other babies! I'll go to the park and forage for nuts and berries!
• From the season finale, Nathan, Simon and Kelly do a Team Power Walk, accompanied by The Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up".

Series 2

• Nathan explaining what happened when he told his mum he's immortal.
• Simon asking Alisha if she 'likes food.'
• These admittedly rather macabre lines between Simon and Lucy:
  Simon: For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong. I´ve never been this happy.
  Lucy: You've murdered your probation worker!
  Simon: I didn't say it was perfect.
• Nathan again, as the crew stare down at Sally's body in the freezer. He is making a comment about how messed up it is until...
  Nathan: Oh hey man, Cornettos!
  • Cut to the group throwing Sally's body off a boat... while Nathan eats a Cornetto.
• In the same scene, Nathan talks about how great immortality is, and the others point out mundane downsides... until they get to Simon, who mutters, "Everyone you love will die" in a haunted-sounding Creepy Monotone.
• The entire exchange between Nathan and his brother about hitting their father in the head with a toaster.
  Nathan: You hit him in the head with a toaster!
  Jamie: He's a fucking twat!
• Nathan and his dad have a row in the police station about each other's personal flaws.
  Nathan's Dad: Like you've never got anything wrong? We're not so different, y'know.
  Nathan: "We are completely different! I'm gracefully tall, you're freakishly short!
  • And then later, when Nathan's Dad starts to leave...
  Nathan: Where're you going? That's right Dad, walk away with your tiny little legs, you fucking midget!
  • And when Nathan imparts to his father a bit of wisdom:
  Nathan: And you know what they say: Don't fuck a wounded bear!
• Every scene about Nathan hitting on Simon in S02E03.
  Nathan: He's like a handsome shark!
  • Even better: "How can I control myself when you're so cute and I'm so horny and there's only a few thin pieces of cotton separating our genitals?"
• Simon making a joke and smiling in a slightly goofy way that reminds you that even though he's now Superhoodie, it's still Simon.
  Simon: Everything's going to be okay. I should know, I'm from the future.
• On discussing with the rest of the Misfits on what to do with the new guy Ollie, Simon's deadpan response is hilarious.
  Simon: We kill him. (beat) ....I'm joking.
• When Ollie introduces himself, he reveals that his crime was vandalising a power station that was letting off severe carbon monoxide emissions. Cue Nathan pretending to let off his own carbon monoxide emissions with a loud groan. Both Ollie's "WTF" reaction and the other Misfits' corpsing seal it.
• Nathan's exchange with Tim.
  Tim: Where's Conti?!
  Nathan: (gestures to Simon) Oh that's him, he's a right cunty.
• New guy Ollie's attempt in talking down the armed and unbalanced Tim.
  Ollie: It's ok. I've had some training in conflict resolution *BOOM Headshot!*
• Nathan completely misunderstanding the story of the Good Samaritan.
  Nathan: The Good Samaritan: Walk on by!
• "A bunch of young offenders develop superpowers, and not one of us thinks of using them to commit crime! Shame on us!"
• Nathan again in Episode 5.
  "Think about it! It´s a fancy dress party, it´s dark, a lot´ll be wearing masks—it's the perfect opportunity to commit murder! (thinks about it) And incest!!"
• This exchange between the gang and Luke, the corrupt priest in the Christmas Special.
  Simon: "You're exploiting the vulnerable."
  Kelly: "Taking money off people."
  Alisha: "Sexually assaulting girls."

Luke/Jesus: Hey, that's the Catholic Church for you.
Nathan: He's got a point. When I was growing up in Ireland if the priests weren't fiddling with you, you were one of the ugly kids.

• From the same episode, everything about Marnie giving birth, but particularly Nathan stomping to death what he thought was an alien baby. The "baby" turned to be the placenta, which he made splatter all over the group.

Kelly: IT'S THE AFTERBIRTH, YOU DICKHEAD!

• Bless Marnie when she hears the plan to steal money from Jesus to get their powers back.
  Marnie: (proudly) And then we're going to kick the shit out of Jesus!
• And when they finally manage to do so by accident, and killing him in the process, Nathan immediately takes a wad of bills and makes the sign of the cross over "Jesus'" prone body. "Just in case it really is him!"
• Curtis' counter argument regarding the selling of his powers:
  Kelly: Twenty fuckin' grand!
  Simon: You sold your powers?
  Kelly: Yeah, mate.
  Simon: You shouldn't be doing this. We were given them for a reason!
  Nikki: And what reason's that?
  Curtis: I'll give you twenty thousand reasons for getting rid of 'em!
  Simon: It's like in Superman 2 when Superman gives up his powers so that he can be with Lois Lane.
  Kelly: And?
  Simon: General Zod took over the world!
  —> Curtis: That's totally relevant, except there ain't no General Zod, and that's twenty thousand pounds. Later.
• Curtis earns his Deadpan Snarker stripes this episode as well.
  Nathan: I mean, we did sod all with our powers but at least we never abused them. We never raped or murdered anyone.
  Curtis: (points to Alisha) She raped me. And we killed loads of people.
  • Bonus is Alisha giving him a look that is a mix of "What are you complaining about?" and "Get over it".
• In S2 E6, when Laura, the new agent of the now famous ABSO 5 asks 'Is there anything else I need to know ?'... and unfortunately gets answers.
  • Well, Nathan tripled with a girl and Kelly shagged a monkey... a gorilla.
• In S2E2, while Nathan and Jamie are talking, Nathan is grilling a sandwich. With a clothes iron.
• In Season 2 Episode 6, Nathan shoots himself in the head, comes back to life, does a bow, and the credits roll with the title of the special: "Oops, There Goes My Brains!"with credits rolling.
• This exchange:
  Nathan: I just realised. I haven't died this week.
  Simon:It's only Thursday, there's still time.

Series 3

• Nathan in the "Vegas Special" gets caught out on using his new ability as a Reality Warper to win at dice after accidentally rolling a seven. What does he do to distract the guards after they corner him during his attempt to escape?
  Nathan: Have you ever seen a man shit a rabbit out of his anus?
• Season 3 Episode 3
  • Every scene with Rudy. EVERY ONE.
• Simon and Curtis' 'therapy session' in Series 3, episode 2.
• Rudy explaining his relation to Curtis in the Nazi timeline when Curtis' bar is raided by Shaun and his Nazi squad. First he says he's Curtis' gay lover, and then his cousin.
  Shaun: You are aware homosexuality is illegal?
  • Before that, Simon saluting, as OCD as ever, and Shaun just barely raising a hand and waving it off as a 'whatever'.
  • And then this:
  Curtis (to Rudy): Quit stealing the alcohol.
  Rudy: Thought you said to help meself.
  Curtis: I said stay the fuck away from the bar.
  Rudy: (absently) Yeah.
  • "Oi, Hitler!" (punches Hitler) "Why have you got to be such a dick?"
• Curtis wanking as a girl. And Simon and Alisha in the scene. It's best if you just watch it.
• The attempt to smuggle Jen's body out of the hospital, which involves Simon and Seth wheeling her bed out the door while trying to look as nonchalant as possible. Extra hilarity points go to Rudy distracting a nurse by asking about his prolapsed granny, and frantically mouthing "fuck off" at Simon and Seth.
• Alisha after she bashes in a zombie cheerleader's head with a baseball bat repeatedly: "Do you still want me to dress up as a cheerleader for your birthday?"
• Season 3, Episode 3 delivers a triple whammy.
  • Under the influence of mind control, Simon has dumped Alisha; meanwhile, Rudy is being as unhelpful as possible by claiming that Simon's gay.
  Alisha: He's not gay, he's the best shag I ever had!
  Curtis: Oh, I'll just pretend I'm not here, yeah?
  • And...
  Rudy: I'm in full control over me ejaculate, now.
  Kelly: All blokes say that; next thing you know, you've got cum all over your face and in your hair.
  Curtis: That's a lovely image.
  • Alisha has had enough of Rudy's nonsense and just hit him.
  Rudy: You're deflecting. It's alright; take it out on your Uncle Rudy. Do it-
  (Alisha slaps Rudy to the ground and storms off)
  —>Rudy: What the fuck is your problem?!
  Kelly: She's deflecting.
• Series 3 Episode 6, an episode pretty much about Rudy trying to be cured of dickfallsoff syndrome with Simon's help. Pretty much all of their interactions are hilarious, especially the one where upon seeing a drunk girl with whom Rudy thinks he needs to have sex to cure his condition.
  Rudy: Maybe I'll just slip it in, eh?
  Simon: No, Rudy, that's rape.
  Rudy: Is it really?
  Simon: Yes! it is!
  Rudy: Kind of a grey area, don't you think?
  ,Simon: No! It isn't!
  • Simon's line "Is there something wrong with your penis?" after seeing a vision of Rudy's penis falling off also qualifies.
  • That episode has Rudy tracking down one of the three (wrong) candidates for who cursed Rudy's penis, and offering her all the money (spare change) he has in his pocket to have sex with him. Apalled, she says "You think I'm a prostitute!" and Rudy, trying to be charming (and failing miserably) says, "Well you could be... if you wanted... 'cause you're so pretty."
• Episode 7. "What happened to Mister Miggles?"
• Rudy is afraid of cheerleaders.

Series 4

• In 4x01, Seth and Rudy have both been whammied by a power and have become increasingly paranoid, each on edge and acting like the other is Alone with the Psycho. Out of which, comes this utterly bizarre conversation gem:
  Rudy: You think my penis looks like a tiny slug!
  Seth: I think you have a fucking beautiful penis!
• Rudy's attempts at flirting with Jess:
  Rudy: I thought we had a "will they, won't they?, they probably will" thing going on.
  Jess: Do you suffer mental problems?
• Jess' trying to flirt with Alex:
  Alex: What did you do to get community service?
  Jess: I sexually assaulted a barman.
  Alex: (quietly) That'll be six quid.
• The series 4 trailer with them all out in the rain.
  • Specifically, Finn accidentally dropping a stone block on his foot and the Rudy's arguing.
  (The Misfits pose in a Team Shot while it pours down on them)
  Rudy #2: (Shivering) We're gonna be ill.
  Rudy #1: You...! Shut up and look cool and moody!
• It Crosses the Line Twice massively, but when Curtis talks to a guinea pig he's hiding and then throws it across the room it when the probation walker walks in.
  • The whole exchange that follows between the probation worker and Curtis qualifies.
• Practically any scene with Abbey in episode 6.
• Rudy still completely and totally misunderstanding rape
  Finn: I can't. She's... she's wasted.
  Rudy: Mate, there is no law against fucking wasted girls. It's a bloody loophole, is what it is. You understand me?
  Finn: Just so we're clear, there is a law about fucking drunk girls.
  Rudy: (laughs) Really, Finnlay. Haha..... really?
  Finn: Yes.
  Rudy: Shit.
• Rudy finding out why Nadine keeps running away whenever romance between them gets going
  Rudy: Shit. I'm in love with a fucking nun.
• Greg the probation worker's singing of 'The Power of Love' at a karaoke bar.
• This priceless exchange in the final episode between Rudy and Nadine—who at this point has been revealed to be a nun.
  Rudy: I have misused confectionery in the most vile and vulgar manner! I've violated myself with a fucking King Size...
  Nadine: (kisses Rudy)
  Rudy: (Immediately as he's coming out of the kiss)...Mars Bar!
• "There's your sperm. So that's awkward."

Series 5

• Abbey and Rudy's incredible lack of reaction to finding out that Finn had killed the Scout leader.
• Alex utilizing his newfound ability to fuck the powers out of people, first on a woman in a hospital bed and then on an unconscious Finn. The latter's slow realization of exactly what is going on is priceless.
  Finn: ...is that what I think it is?
• Rudy's heroic shout of "I'm coming, Jess", then bouncing off the door as he tries to break in and save her.
• Rudy revealing what his parents think he does: he's at university doing a Master's and is head of the rowing team.
• Alex and Rudy getting massive grins when they walk in on Abbey and Laura having sex.
• Rudy Too opening up to Abbey about his philosophical crisis as a creation of the storm.
  Rudy Too: What's my place in the world? Am I a person in my own right? Will I ever find true love?
  Abbey: What did you do?
  Rudy Too: Rudy One told me to stop being such a vagina.
• Greg assuming that Abbey is on drugs.
  Greg: Dancing with the bunny rabbits? (Bursts into dance) Aceeeeeed A A Aceeeeeeeed!
  Finn: It's sherbet.
• The power of Stuart from the Power Support Group: every time he denies being gay, he teleports into the nearest closet.
• Rudy drawing a pouty feminine face on a paper bag, which he explains is a "sex bag" for Jess to wear over her head so that he isn't distracted into impotence by the fact that he actually loves her.
  • Gets an even funnier reprise at the end of the episode, when he re-purposes the sex bag as the "bag of shame", complete with a cartoon frowny face that somehow manages to convey every aspect of his dejection. Made all the funnier by Jess's genuinely puzzled yet deadpan calm enquiry upon finding him:
    Jess: Babe, why are you wearing the sex bag?
• Abbey trying to convince Alex to shag a tortoise.
• Greg maniacally pretending to gun down his charges.
• Though his reaction to Jess's reappearance after the time skip is incredibly sad, Rudy's Beard of Sorrow after losing her is something to behold. There's a reason the writers had him shave it off before the two of them had any real interaction, one feels.
  • There's also the unconcerned reaction of Abbey, Alex, and Finn to seeing (an incredibly bearded) Rudy crumple to the floor and sob after learning that Jess is back. It's heartbreaking stuff, but Alex and Finn basically just ignore him completely, while Abbey asks "Is he having a complete breakdown?" in a disinterested tone of voice.
• Lucas asks Abbey to hug him but she misinterprets this and tells him that she's in love with her tortoise and won't have sex with Lucas. Not knowing that the tortoise was actually a guy trapped in tortoise form, a weirded-out Lucas quickly tries to assert that it's not what he meant, only for Abbey to offer him a handjob instead. Lucas is taken aback by the offer and quickly asks if she'll hold him afterward, something she agrees to as intimacy. When Alex arrives to stop Lucas, he bewilderingly asks "Why's his cock out?" before a happy Abbey tells him what she did, queing a look from Alex that just says "Of course you did".