His Beach Boys reviews, including such gems as "Bring Your Own Hairpiece!" and "It took forty-five years of electroshock therapy and fourteen lobotomies before I finally realized how incredible the tune is".
But what finally did the trick? A ridiculous dog misunderstanding on Henry's part! Brenda said, "Come on, Henry! I don't want you to get a kidney infection!" Henry's ears perked up and a little growl snuck out as his full attention turned to his Mommy. I thought for a moment and realized that he had mistaken the word "kidney infection" for "kitty cat." So I excitedly galloped down the spiral staircase shouting, "Henry, there's a kidney infection down here!" He ran down after me at breakneck speed in hot pursuit of a fuzzy meowing kidney infection. When he finally realized that none was too be found, I guess he figured "what the hell - I'm down here anyway" and peed in the tub like a good son would. I like my doggy so much!
The Scratch Acid page is mostly written as though the robber who had recently broken into Mark Prindle's house in real life also took the time to contribute reviews to the site while he was at it. Leading to passages like "And that's all I can say about the record because, unlike Mark Prindle, I'm a crappy writer. Hell, I'm not even a good thief! I stole all the shitty fake jewelry while not even noticing the expensive heirloom jewelry that was sitting right next to it! Holy christ am I a fucking jackoff!"
His Ramones page includes reviews of several bootlegs, including one with a very incorrect tracklisting: In that review, he demonstrates what the Looped Lyrics of "Listen To My Heart" would be like if it really was called "Listen To My Feet": "Next time I'll listen to my feet / next time, I'll be sweet!"
SITUATION: The wife and I are walking Henry The Dog to Central Park to go jogging. Henry knows it as "Jog Dogging"......
Me: We're going Jog Dogging! You ready to be a Jog Dog?
Wife: Feel that breeze, Henry? It's a great night to be a J.D.!
Me: Really? (*angrily jumps up and kicks road sign*)
Wife: What are you doing?
Me: Being a juvenile delinquent!
Wife: Oh good lord.
Me: 'Hey, somebody stop that middle-aged juvenile delinquent!'
From his review of Nevermind The Bollocks: "Firstly, the guitars are blisteringly gritty, with Steve Jones doing everything in his power to sound as cool as Johnny Thunders, who wanted to be as cool as Keith Richards, who wanted to be as cool as Chuck Berry, who wanted to watch girls take a poop."
His review ofRecycler by ZZ Top ends with a quiz where the reader is supposed to guess which of the cited lyrics from the album are "intended as sexual metaphor". The answer is of course all of them... except for "last night I saw a naked cowgirl", which is instead "a blatant sexual statement".