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Funny: Mark Kermode
  • He reviewed Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen on his blog... by repeatedly banging his head against a wall.
  • The mighty Pirates Three rant.
  • The review of Eat, Pray, Love... Vomit. Complete with alternate Werner Herzog ending.
  • Mark finally cracks after seeing Fred The Movie (and annoys Simon immensely).
    Simon: You have lost your broadcasting rights. You are no longer a broadcasting legend.
    • He later includes the film in his roundup of his five worst films of 2010, and gives us this:
      "Basically, it's this really annoying guy pretending to be an even more annoying kid screaming for about 90 minutes, and when I say screaming, I don't mean screaming like casual screaming, I mean SCREAMINGLIKETHIS! SCREAMINGLIKETHIS! [continues emit ear-shredding screams and flails arms about]"
  • His take on improved American behavior in cinemas while watching Hall Pass.
    • "As far as Hall Pass is concerned, the movie sucked, but the film was great!"
  • There's a reason many consider his review of The Da Vinci Code to be a hilarious classic.
  • Another insanely funny classic is his review of Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch.
  • Mark Kermode demolishes Andrew Stanton's John Carter.note  Hilarity ensues.
  • His review of Mamma Mia!. The Good Doctor's reaction to the film isn't necessarily what you might expect.
  • His review of Rock of Ages. For Mark, it was GRUELING. GRUELING. GRUELING.
  • The AMAZING Sex and the City 2 review, including Mark singing The Internationale. Takes a little while to get going, but well worth the wait.
    Simon: You're not going to get a rant about this...
  • The Good Night review, with hilariously bad Penelope Cruz impression.
    Simon: Is she German?
    Mark: She's Werner Herzog's Bavarian cousin.
  • Before he goes to see a press screening of The Hangover: Part III, he promises to give the viewers his first opinions. He has nothing to say from the sheer awfulness of the sequel, as you can see here.
  • He describes The Santa Clause 3 as "Miracle on 34th Street meets David Cronenberg's The Fly." He also compared it to tertiary syphilis.
  • His review of The Counselor (or The Counsellor in the UK) is another winner, especially when he imitates Brad Pitt's dialogue.
    "What is the value of grief when it is just ief with a gr at the end"....And it just goes on and on and on....!
  • The Cameron Diaz comedy "The Other Woman" gets a thorough going over by an unimpressed Mark ("Hey! Go crazy, empowerment! Woo!")
    "I can't even remember what the name of the film is now..."
  • At the end of Mark's 10 Worst Films of 2012 retrospective, to introduce the top (or bottom) film on the list, he removes his glasses and produces two hardcover volumes of the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, which he proceeds to bash against his head. After taking a moment to recover, he says, "Yes, that was actually more fun than watching Keith Lemon: The Movie."
  • Any time he does his Danny Dyer impression, such as when he reviewed Run For Your Wife.
  • His description of Pimp, a Danny Dyer film, which happens about two and a half minutes into Mark's Five Worst Films of 2010. What makes it funny is how he says the title, in a sort of a loud, high-pitched squeak, which appears to be an impression of Danny Dyer's voice.
    "At three, it was three halfway through the year, it's still three at the end of the year, Pimp!, Danny Dyer's worst movie to date. What can we say about Pimp!? Well, there is an upside to it, apparently the film took around 205 in British cinema, so Pimp! was a total flop, which is great, because it make you think that, well you can say what you like about audiences being stupid but they stayed away from Pimp! in their droves, and I think as long as audiences stayed away from Pimp! there is hope for all of us. So at number three, bottom five films of the year, Pimp!"
  • "If you go see Little Man, shame on you. Shame on you." According to Mark, the film isn't just bad or offensive, it's possessed by the devil. You can listen to his review here.
    "Listen, I've spent my whole life defending movies that people tell me are evil, and they're not. I get told horror movies are bad for you and action movies are bad for you and erotic thrillers are bad for you - no. Little Man is bad for the world."
  • Mark's damning review of Terminator Salvationnote , which eventually turns into an epic rant against McGee! and his questionable efforts as a film director, complete with Mark's own theory as to why Christian Bale flipped out on the set of the film.
  • Mark takes a look at Movie 43 on his YouTube blog, and attempts to describe just how unfathomably bad it is.
    "I'm not making this up. At least, I keep trying to convince myself that it was all a bad dream, but I've now read other reviews, and they saw the same film as me.''
  • His review of Charles Dickens's England. Not only was the film essentially a television programme masquerading as feature-length documentary, but he forced himself to sit through it for TWO! HOURS! TWO! HOURS! ("How long?") TWO! HOURS!
  • A Transformers Christmas Doohicky. It's Christmas Day, and Mark settles down to open the presents he received from Michael Bay and McG...

Lum And AbnerFunny/RadioThe Navy Lark
Mark Does StuffFunny/Web OriginalMark Prindle

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