Funny: Mallrats

  • Brodie's steadily increasing rage about the kid on the escalator.
    I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues!
  • Brodie Bruce, quote machine: "I woulda made a sexy chick!"
  • Brodie's rant about being stuck in the past while walking backwards and the inevitable payoff.
    Brodie: You face forward or you face the possibility of shock and damage! *immediately gets hit in the back of the head with a ladder*
  • Jay and Silent Bob, "avenging" Brodie, beat the crap out of the Easter Bunny in front of an army of children, who then proceed to pummel them both.
    • A few scenes later, one of the game show execs mentions that "the Easter Bunny was accosted this morning."
  • The Curly Howard-esque sound that Jay makes when he sees that the police are closing in on he and Silent Bob.
  • The various things that Silent Bob pulls out of his coat to escape Team LaFours.
  • Everything involving the topless three-nippled psychic, Ivanna.
    TS: You have a third nipple?
    Brodie: *has been horribly uncomfortable through the entire scene* What are you talking about? It's as clear as day!
  • Pretty much the entire Truth or Date sequence is one, with Brodie getting most of the best lines, frequently at the expense of Gil.
    Brodie: *after Gil's proposed date plans* That was the biggest load of CRAP I've ever heard! I mean look at you, you're the kinda guy that would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.
    • And then how he goes off on a story about his Cousin Walter jacking off in public. And the audience appears to be very engrossed by the story.
  • Any time Jay draws a blueprint, and any time they try to carry it out.
    Jay: Fly, fatass! Fly!
  • Silent Bob crashing through the dressing room wall twice while carrying out said plans and happening upon Gwen changing.
    • Then when Gwen happens upon Jay and Silent Bob talking to Brodie after Shannon beats him up, Silent Bob tries to conceal his face, but Gwen notices him anyway.
  • Shannon Hamilton has tried to screw girls in a very uncomfortable place:
    Various: What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
  • Everybody but poor Willam Black seeing the sailboat in the Magic-Eye picture.
    Little Girl: Wow, it's a schooner!
    William: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastard. It's not a schooner... it's a sailboat.
    Little Boy: A schooner is a sailboat, stupid head!
    William: You know what? There IS no Easter Bunny! Over there, that's just a guy in a suit!
  • T.S. referring to Trish the Dish as a "Junior Master's in Johnson."
  • After Tricia admits to sleeping with Shannon, she tells Brodie that Shannon has quite a disdain for him. Brodie's horrified reaction: "Ew, he mentioned me during sex?!"
  • Jay's wail of support for T.S. while he's on the game show(or rather, T.S.' assumed identity): "DO IT, DOUG!"
  • Hearing the line "One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass" the second the movie starts.