Funny / Mallrats

  • "One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass." That's literally the first line of the movie!
  • Brodie's steadily increasing rage about the kid on the escalator.
    I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues!
  • Brodie Bruce, quote machine: "I woulda made a sexy chick!"
  • Brodie's rant about being stuck in the past while walking backwards and the inevitable payoff.
    Brodie: You face forward or you face the possibility of shock and damage! *immediately gets hit in the back of the head with a crossbeam*
  • Jay and Silent Bob, "avenging" Brodie, beat the crap out of the Easter Bunny in front of an army of children, who then proceed to pummel them both.
    • A few scenes later, one of the network execs mentions that "the Easter Bunny was accosted this morning."
  • The Curly Howard-esque sound that Jay makes when he sees that the police are closing in on he and Silent Bob.
  • The various things that Silent Bob pulls out of his coat to escape Team LaFours.
  • Everything involving the topless three-nippled psychic, Ivanna.
    TS: You have a third nipple?
    Brodie: *has been horribly uncomfortable through the entire scene* What are you talking about? It's as clear as day!
  • Pretty much the entire Truth or Date sequence is one, with Brodie getting most of the best lines, frequently at the expense of Gil.
    Brodie: *after Gil's proposed date plans* That was the biggest load of CRAP I've ever heard! I mean look at you, you're the kinda guy that would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.
    • And then how he goes off on a story about his Cousin Walter jacking off in public. And the audience appears to be very engrossed by the story.
    • Brodie insinuating that Gil's a self-loathing gay guy.
  • Any time Jay draws a blueprint, and any time they try to carry it out.
    Jay: Fly, fatass! Fly!
  • Silent Bob crashing through the dressing room wall twice while carrying out said plans and happening upon Gwen changing.
    • Then when Gwen happens upon Jay and Silent Bob talking to Brodie after Shannon beats him up, Silent Bob tries to conceal his face, but Gwen notices him anyway.
  • Shannon Hamilton has tried to screw girls in a very uncomfortable place:
    Various:''' What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
  • Everybody but poor Willam Black seeing the sailboat in the Magic-Eye picture.
    Little Girl: Wow, it's a schooner!
    William: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastard. It's not a schooner... it's a sailboat.
    Little Boy: A schooner is a sailboat, stupid head!
  • T.S. referring to Trish the Dish as a "Junior Master's in Johnson."
  • After Tricia admits to sleeping with Shannon, she tells Brodie that Shannon has quite a disdain for him. Brodie's horrified reaction: "Ew, he mentioned me during sex?!"
  • Jay's wail of support for T.S. while he's on the game show (or rather, T.S.' assumed identity): "DO IT, DOUG!"
  • This quote from Jay to Willam:
    Jay:: I'll tell you what you need is a fatty, boombatty blunt! And I'll guarantee you'll see a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of them big-titted mermaids, doing some of that lesbian shit. Look at me, look at me, you sloppy bitch!
  • When Svenning is speaking to the network execs, trying to assure them that Truth or Date will "go off without a hitch", someone offscreen yells "LOOK OUT!" as we hear something crash. Svenning tries to assure the execs that it's a "sound test".
  • From the 2005 DVD, the "Mallrats: The Reunion" Q&A with the cast and crew was a barrelful of laughs. For instance, Kevin Smith recalling how he and Scott Mosier crashed at producer Jim Jacks' house while in LA editing and at one point, they had just had a party. Jacks arrived, people rushed out the back- and Jacks flipped over finding chicken grease on the phone, with Kevin describing how Jason Mewes was over the sink in the kitchen, with a piece of fried chicken up to his mouth.