Funny / Life's Too Short

• Liam Neeson, who wants to delve into stand-up comedy but a combination of Cannot Tell a Joke and his serious approach to any kind of acting doesn't bode well for his chances:
  Liam: I'm always making lists... in fact that's probably why Steven Spielberg cast me as Oskar Schindler in Schindler's List. I said "Steven, I make lists all the time", and he said "that's exactly what I'm looking for."
  *Ricky, Stephen, and Warwick start laughing*
  Liam: What? What's funny?
  Ricky: ...sorry, I thought you were joking about getting the part of Oskar Schindler because you make lists.
  Liam: No. As an actor, you need stuff to draw on. And I drew on that.
• Johnny Depp's anti-Gervais jokes are actually kinda funny, if cruel.
  Depp: What's nastier than Ricky Gervais's jokes? His teeth. [...] Why did Ricky Gervais do a series of audio books? So that the blind could hate him as well. [...] Ricky Gervais quit Twitter because it only has 140 characters. That's a 139 more characters than he's ever come up with.
  • What's possibly better is the very diva-ish tantrum Depp proceeds to throw when he gives Ricky a chance to speak, tearfully explaining the merits of his craft and then storming off — but not before overturning Gervais and Merchant's fruit bowl and kicking their bin over.
  • Also, the manner in which Ricky is able to immediately pick out the fact that, due to Johnny doing Rumpelstiltskin with Tim Burton, his leading lady is Helena Bonham Carter, which has Depp surprised, for some reason.
• Warwick dabbles in religion. When he gets to Catholicism, he flat-out asks the priest if he's a paedophile.
• After scoring points with a woman he just met in the supermarket, Warwick buys a box of condoms. The store clerk can't scan them, so she calls out to another store clerk on the other side of the supermarket, killing Warwick's chances with the woman he'd just met.
  • Afterwards, Warwick complains about how you can't buy condoms without at least one person knowing what you're planning to do. He then talks about how he could buy a carrot to stick up his arse, but no-one would be suspicious because they'd assume he was going to eat it. Warwick walks off in a huff, before coming back onscreen with a carrot in hand to say:
  Warwick: I'm NOT going to stick this up my arse!
• "Fuck off, Les!"
• Just about any time Warwick stumbles out of his 4WD.
• Warwick buys a new washing machine, then accidentally dumps it in a ditch because he couldn't tell it apart from his old one.
• Warwick's housewarming party. He tries to invite the Harry Potter cast, only to have both Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson turn him down. Rupert Grint overhears and says he's available, but Warwick denies everything to keep him out of the loop.

---