Funny / Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco

• The three dogs "broadcasting" the child's baseball game Jamie is playing: Sparky Michaels, Lucky Lasorda, and Trixie Uecker.^note Voiced by baseball announcers, Al Michaels, Tommy Lasorda, and Bob Uecker respectively.
• At the beginning as the Seavers load the car and place the pets in the trunk.
  Shadow: (as Peter closes the trunk door) Watch your nose, Chance.
  Chance: So, guys, where do you think they're takin' us?
  Sassy: I dunno about us, but I know where they're taking you!
  Chance: Well, I know this much. It can't be anyplace bad 'cause otherwise they would've given us those dumb tranquilizers.
  Bob: Hey, Peter? Did you give 'em the tranquilizers?
  All pets: Uh-oh.
• This gem as Chance runs away after Riley's gang arrives.
  Shadow: [about Chance] You know you miss him.
  Sassy: Okay, fine! I miss his stupid jokes, and his stupid face, and his stupid... stupidness!
  Shadow: Oh, Sassy, stop it.
  Sassy: And I'm stupidly starting to worry about him!
  • That's not even getting into this bit when Chance reunites with Shadow and Sassy after saving them from Ashcan and Pete.
  Sassy: I'm sure one day I'll regret saying this, but thank you. And what took you so long?!
• Also, after Chance and Bando (Delilah's wannabe boyfriend) argue over her:
  Riley: Enough! Bando, knock it off!
  Bando: (humbly) Sorry, Riley. I wasn't trying to start nothing. I'm done. I'm done. (under his breath) Stupid lost dog, trying to steal my woman. Homewrecker!
• Chance terrified of the shadows in the alley.
  Chance: Uh guys, they're big, they're huge, they're coming to get me!
• Scenes with Pete:
  Chance: You know there's a furry ugly thing growing out of your butt?
  Pete: Huh?
  Chance: It's your tail, genius! (bites it)
  Pete: YEEOOWW!!!
  
  Shadow: Sassy, can you get down?
  Sassy: Not with old "pffff" face down here.
  Pete: You're still there, kitty?
  Sassy: Oh, duh!
• The animals are sitting in front of the plane:
  Chance: I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared for one little (starts urinating)... bit.
  Sassy: Obviously.
  • There was right after when they see the airport security chasing them and Sassy tells them to stay and get hit while she runs off.
• Sassy is buttering up the little boy as he pets her while using baby talk:

  Sassy: Yes, isn't my fur so nice and silky... (slowly losing patience) CUT THE MUSH, GET THE GRUB.

  • Then Chance decides to try it himself.
  Sassy: Beat it, moron.
  Lady: Go Away!
  Chance: Meow. Meow.
  Lady: GO AWAY!
  Chance: Meow? Wait, wait, Meow! (lady closes door).
• And when Chance starts talking about how dogs always know where they’re going.
  Shadow: That bridge must be around here somewhere.
  Sassy: I don't see why we can't just stop and ask for directions!
  Chance: Oh, would you listen to her? Listen, Sassy, we're guys. We don't ask for directions, we don't need 'em. We know where we're goin' every step of the— (bumps into Ashcan) ...way.
  Ashcan: Hey, punk! Watch it!
  Chance: Woo, no offense, dude, but you need a bath.
• Chance running from Delilah, initially thinking she's trying to hurt him.
  Chance: This is crazy! What'd that dog eat for Breakfast, jet fuel?!
• The house fire scene, while scary, has some funny moments as well. When Shadow and Sassy notice the flaming house and realize poor Tucker is inside, Shadow rushes to the rescue, ignoring Sassy's protests.
  Shadow: The boy! He's inside!
  Sassy: Oh, Shadow, how awful.
  Shadow: I'm goin' in! (rushes towards the flaming house)
  Sassy: WHAT?! SHADOW, NO! (Shadow climbs through the basement window.)
  (Riley and his gang are watching the scene from behind a nearby fence)
  Sledge: See that? That fool Shadow's gonna get himself killed!
  Riley: And for a human? Doesn't make any sense.
  • As Sassy hesitantly follows Shadow into the burning house.
  Sassy: I gotta help him. Oh, my.
  Sledge: Now the cat's goin' in!
  Riley: What's wrong with these pets?
  Sassy: Sassy to the rescue! What am I doing?! (climbs through the basement window)
  • As Sassy manages to rescue Tucker's kitten Tiger from the fire.
  Sassy: Somebody please get this little pipsqueak outta my mouth. I'm singed, and I smell like an ashtray.
  Tucker: Tiger! Thanks, kitty!
  Sassy: "Thanks?" That's it?! No tuna? No milk? No catnip?!
• Delilah wants to show Chance her favorite part of the city.
  Chance: Does it involve food? (runs into a trash can) Meant to do that!
• Finally, Chance gets Ashcan and Pete to chase him, and Ashcan gets on the seesaw, with Pete right behind him, which prevents it from going down. Ashcan has to point this out to Pete, and he gets off... for the seesaw to come up and hit him right under the chin.
  Ashcan: PETE! GET YOUR STUPID PAWS OFF THE BOARD!
  Pete: Oh, sorry, boss.
  (WHACK!)
  Ashcan: You idiot...
  Pete: (groans)
• Ashcan and Pete suffering karmic, comical problems while trying to hurt the pets:
  • In the middle of the movie, when Ashcan and Pete see Shadow and Sassy walk by, Ashcan jumps in Pete’s back to try to attack them, but Pete can't hold him, so Ashcan falls off. Then comes this hilarious discussion between them.
    Ashcan: Okay, now wait till they pass the hole in the fence, then you'll jump 'em.
    Pete: So, you'll jump 'em?
    Ashcan: No, you'll jump 'em.
    Pete: That's what I said, you'll jump 'em
    Ashcan: No, Pete, you'll jump 'em!
    Pete: Wait a minute. So, who's jumpin' 'em?
    (Shadow and Sassy then pass the hole in the fence)
    Ashcan: Oh, great, you missed 'em!
    Pete: You missed em.
    Ashcan: Ah, shut up!
  • Later, after Chance defeats them, comes this Brick Joke.
    Ashcan: This is all your fault!
    Pete: This is all your fault?
    Ashcan: Ah, shut up!

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