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Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
- Mr. Thompson wakes up from Wayne working early in the morning.
Russ Sr.: Oh no, not again. Who does he think he is Mr. Wizard? (sticks his head out the window) SZALINSKI! GIVE IT A REST, ITS SATURDAY! (hits his head on the window)...Mae: Give the guy a break.(loud bang from the Szalinski's house)Russ Sr.: I'll give him a break. I'll break his arm!
- Big Russ getting impaled with a dart which has super glue on the suction cup, and then being reeled in by Ron.
"Am I bleeding?"
- The failed attempt to shrink an apple, followed by a quip by Wayne Szalinski:
Wayne: (as Quark the Dog licks his face) On the other hand, we come up with an interesting way of making applesauce.
- Russ' lame pick-up line.
Russ: So... you like to dance?
Amy: How do you know that?
Amy: You see me?
Russ: No— I mean, yes. But I wasn't watching you, I...
Ron: I like to have my ball back.
- Before that:
Nick: Until you pay, no man shall pass.
Ron: You got nothing to say about it, Space Boy!
Amy: Cool it!
- The titular kids have just been shrunken and they carry Wayne's thinking couch across the room to get to the door. Along the way, they come across a dead fly. Ron makes a very "tactful" joke about it:
Ron: Hey Amy, your date's here.
Amy: Oh, gross.
- Later, after being thrown away by a frustrated Wayne (long story), the kids come across what looks like a river to them.
Ron: What's a river doing in your yard?
Russ: That isn't a river, you dope. It could be a stream of dog pee that looks like a river to us.
Ron: Who's swimming?
* the corpse of a bug passes by on the "river"*
Nick: Have a ball, baby.
Amy: I'm not swimming in that.
- The innocent (though admittedly stupid) suggestion by Russ to make a rope bridge over the "river".
- This moment after Nick and Russ get separated from Amy and Ron:
Ron: I just figured it out. I never woke up this morning and this is all a bad dream.
Amy: Ron, get up.
Ron: You're just a nightmare. When I wake up this morning, my dad and I'll be going fishing.
Amy: I'm warning you!
Ron: (sticks his fingers in his ears and hums "Stars and Stripes Forever" with his eyes closed)
Amy: Okay, Ron, maybe you're right. Maybe this is all just a bad dream. But, if it is, then... (twists his ear sharply) ...would this hurt?
Amy: Get up! If you were my brother I sign myself up for adoption.
Ron: Yeah? Well, I hope your face ends up on a milk carton.
- Ron changes his tune when Amy tells him that since the shrink machine now works, her family is going to be filthy rich. He quickly goes after her, groveling about how he always liked her family.
- Granted, it's a serious moment, but I can't help but laugh at Wayne's facial expression when, while looking for the shrunken kids on the attic floor, he comes across the broom he used to sweep the floor earlier.
- Nick gets the same expression when something's coming toward them, until they see it's Quark.
- Wayne climbs on the Thompson's fence so he wouldn't step on the grass. Mae sees him from the kitchen window. Wayne sees Russ Sr. staring at him, so he stops and leans casually on the fence.
- Wayne searches for his shrunken kids in his backyard. He ends up hanging onto the clothesline, getting pinched by the clothespins, and shouts to the Boorsteins to get off his lawn.
Wayne: GET OFF THE GRASS! Get off the grass!
Wayne: It's very delicate... the lawn. You don't want to over-water... really.
- Safe to say, it wasn't funny in the kids' P.O.V. Because Wayne accidentally triggered the sprinklers at the time.
- Gloria sees Wayne in a harness above the grass as he searches for the kids.
Gloria: Donald, that man over there is flying.
Don: (rolls eyes) Right, Gloria.
Gloria: Donald, I'm not kidding around-
Don: Not NOW, Gloria!
Don: (saw Wayne) Mm-hmm.
- Two of these Funny Moments also double as Moments of Awesome:
Amy: Come on guys, this is your ant!
- The kids try to bronco-bust a young ant to ride it back to the house, ignoring Amy's protests. Ultimately, Amy is the one who succeeds in taming it by distracting it with a piece of Oatmeal Creme Pie, much to her discomfort. She tries to get the guys to help her, but they are too surprised by her "taming".
Nick: She did it!
Ron: Your sister's not bad. For a girl.
Nick: Of course.
Russ Sr.: That guy's got serious problems.
- Wayne resuming his search while suspended from a tether. Quark escapes from his leash and spins Wayne around and around until he tells the dog to "drop it" and ends up getting twirled around until he flung to the Thompsons' pool.
- This entire scene after Wayne tells Diane his machine works:
Diane: That's great!
Wayne: It's not that great.
Wayne: I shrunk the kids.
Wayne: And the Thompson kids too. They're about this big, they're in the backyard.
Wayne: Threw them out with the trash. (Diane grabs Wayne and freezes as the bell rang) Excuse me. (opens the door with two cops outside) Yes?
Female cop: (notices Wayne's helmet with two head lights attached) Did, uh... you report the missing children?
Wayne: There must be some mistake. Ours are in the backyard. Right, honey? (Diane faints) She's, uh... Thank you! (closes the door, the cops leave)
Male cop: Mm-hmm.
- Russ Sr.'s annoyance with the male police officer as writes something down.
Russ Sr.: There he goes again writing. Do you even say anything?!Male cop: Mm-hmm.Russ Sr.: (sighs) Why do I feel like I'm the one on trial here?Russ Sr.: What do you mean "you can't imagine"?!
- The film's Brick Joke at the end of the movie, when Nick arrives at the punchline:
Nick: Waitwaitwait, now I get it! FRENCH CLASS!
- After they finally figure out how to fix the machine, Russ Sr. demands that they test it before trying it on his kids. He then puts his money where his mouth is by volunteering to be the test subject himself. Surely he and Wayne have put their animosity aside for this, right?
Russ Sr.: Alright, Szalinski. Shoot. (closes eyes)Russ Sr.: ...Huh??? (ZAP)
- After a fight with Russ, Jr., Russ, Sr. sits down with his back to the house and puts a cigarette in his mouth. As soon as it's between his lips, he wife calls him form behind and he immediately spits it right out!
Mae: Russell, you're not smoking a cigarette, are you?Russ: No, dear, you know I've given that up!
- The end of the flower-climbing scene where the kids manage to get Quark to come help them, only to have it ruined by...
Nick: It's that stupid cat of theirs!Ron: Our cat is not stupid!Nick: It just chased Quark away!Ron: It's Russ' stupid caaaaaaaaaaat! (flower starts to shake)
- Amy is talking on the phone to one of her friends:
Amy: They broke up over religious differences. He thought he was God, and she disagreed.
Honey, I Blew Up the Kid
- While Honey, I Blew Up the Kid is generally inferior to its prequel, it has its fair share of moments, like where Diane confronts Wayne over what happened to Adam, the titular kid. The look on Wayne's face was absolutely priceless.
- Diane: (sweetly) Sweetheart, you can tell me~ How bad can it be? (kisses Wayne)
(Wayne looks very nervous)
Diane: After all, it's not like you've done anything to one of our kids, again.
(Wayne raises his eyebrows, then chuckles)
Diane: (growing serious) Wayne, where is Adam?
Wayne: Well, um...
Diane: Who was that man in the van? (holding up a bigger Big Bunny) And where did this bunny come from?!
Wayne: (cracks) All right, I confess! I did it!
Diane: Did what?!
Adam: (breaks down the door) Peek-a-boo!!
Wayne: I blew up the baby!
Adam: Mama fall down! Mama...
Nick: How'd she take it?
Wayne: 'Bout like usual.
Adam: Mama sleeping?
- The next scene where Wayne's tending to an unconscious Diane while Adam's making a mess in the next room.
Wayne: What's he doing?Nick: He's playing with his toys.Wayne: Well, make him stop!beat
- The entire sequence of Wayne, Diane, and Nick trying to tame Adam. Hilarity ensues.
- Wayne and Diane have just retrieved the shrink ray from Sterling Labs in order to get Adam back to normal size. Diane is perplexed on how to get out since it is solar-powered.
Diane: Wayne, this is a solar van. We're inside!
Wayne: There's a switch marked "batteries". Just be careful not to switch it to...
(Diane flips the switch, and the van zooms off as Diane screams)
Diane: Hold on!
- The look on Wayne's face after Diane told him to un-shrink the policemen he inadvertently tested the shrink ray on.
White Cop: They're getting away!Black Cop: I think they're out our jurisdiction.
- Mandy's reaction after Adam grows even bigger and escapes from the house, leaving an Adam-shaped hole in the wall:
Mandy: There's no way I'm changing those diapers.
- A TV promo, which included the scene of Adam about to put the car with Nick and his girlfriend Mandy inside followed by a "gulp" from Adam, made it look like he did eat them.
- In one scene, Dr. Hendrickson, the film's Big Bad, wants to shoot Adam with a tranquilizer dart. Diane, who has been enlarged to try to get Adam to hold still, grabs the helicopter Hendrickson is flying in, gets right in his face, and commands, Back off! The reaction from a stunned onlooker is "Whoa, look at that mother!"
- Later on, when everything is normal again, Diane confronts Hendrickson sweetly about the tranquilizer gun, then punches him in the face and knocks him out.
Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves
- Wayne's attempt at making peanut butter with the coffee machine. It didn't work out.
- Wayne trying to give a speech as president of Szalinski Labs:
Wayne: At Szalinski Labs, our future is... our future is... *accidentally drops cards, under his breath* crap! *picks up cards* No, the future isn't crap. Our future is now! *nervously looks on at the glaring audience*
- Wayne and his brother Gordon testing the Green Lantern Project, which just makes their bellies glow in the dark rather than their entire body. After a female scientist walks in and turns the lights back on, Wayne momentarily forgets to put his shirt down.
- Adam getting embarrassed by Diane, who is leaving on vacation with her sister-in-law.
Diane: Adam! ADAM! *Diane is drowned out by a lawnmower* I just finished the laundry... *lawnmower silences* ... so you'll have plenty of clean underpants!
(The neighborhood kids laugh at Adam)
- Diane's outburst at Wayne after she realizes that he's trying to shrink the tiki he wants to keep but instead they get shrunken:
Diane: You didn't think I'd notice, didn't you? Well guess what, Wayne... I NOTICED!!!
- This bit during the kids' party after Wayne and Gordon avoided getting eaten in the onion dip bowl:
Jenny: Jill, you're making a mess!
Jill: Well, this stuff is really good! What's in it?
Wayne: Szalinski Bros.!
- Gordon's God Guise. That is all.