Funny / Gotrek & Felix

  • In the first short story:
    Gotrek: You're a weakling, manling, and a coward too.
    Felix: They'll have ale.
    Gotrek: But sometimes your suggestions have merit.
  • Any time a Skaven's on screen for more than a paragraph.
  • A single throw-away line in Elfslayer: "Gotrek pushed past [the elf] and stomped into the privy. There was a tense moment of silence, followed by a sound like an explosion in a brewery. The crowd dispersed quickly, trying not to catch each others' eye."
  • Business as usual amongst the Skaven;
    "Lament Skaven! Tragic news!" Thanquol said, and even the coughing stopped. "Mighty warlord Vermek Skab is dead, killed in a terrible accident involving a loaded crossbow and an exploding donkey. We will have the traditional ten heartbeats of silence to mark his return of his soul to the Horned Rat.”
  • An account of a Skaven Assassin’s training, in the Warhammer equivalent of the far east;
    While still a runt, he had been made to run bare-footed through a bed of red hot coals, and snatch coins from the bowls of blind beggars in human cities. Even at that early age, he had learned that the beggars were often far from blind, and viciously proficient in the martial arts.
  • From the same book, Thanquol advising our heroes over his rivals conspiracy, hoping they will kill each other;
    "Frends – be warned! Evil ratmen of the trecherus skaven klan Skryre – may they be poxed forever, espeshully that wicked feend Heskit Wan Eye – plan to attak the Colledge of Ingineering this nite during the dark of the moon. They wish to steel your secrets for their own nefare-i-us porpoises. You must stop them or they will be wan step closer to conquering the surface world,

    Yoor frend."

  • The Serpent Queen has a lot of these.
    Antar led the way, complaining loudly and at length the entire time. Felix wondered if that was the prince's default state, when he wasn't boasting about his battle prowess, or, more disturbingly, the size, shape and comeliness of the bones of his concubines.
    • Rhupesh and Gotrek facing off. Keep in mind, Rhupesh is strongly implied to have been a Dwarf in life.
    Felix: He's - ah - he's quite short, for a king. And broad.
    Zabbai: He is the Son of the Ox and the Asp. He was found in a basket of rushes, delivered to Lybaras as a gift of the gods.
    Felix: Right, right, but his general shape is...
    Zabbai: The weight of his divine strength has but reduced his stature.
    • Zabbai, the undead mummy, calmly mentioning that if she were still alive she wouldn't mind taking Felix as a consort. Then commenting that he wouldn't last very long but that it would be memorable nonetheless (implying she was such a sexhound in life that, at best, she'd soon get bored of him or at worst kill him with exhaustion - or a crushed pelvis). Then Gotrek spends the rest of the book encouraging him to go for it anyway...
  • In Elfslayer, after more than twenty years, Thanquol finally has Gotrek and Felix at his mercy. He goes on a long monologue detailing how they have made his life hell. Felix asks "but...who are you?" Thanquol realizes that the foes he's hated for so much of his life have no idea who he is, and he loses his shit.