Funny / DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story

  • Most of the movie. Patches, Steve, and White tend to generate these constantly.
  • Patches: "You're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop!"
    • In the TV edit, he says, "poopie-flavored lollipop", which is just as funny (and gross).
  • Patches: (to Gordon, during the training exercises) "You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!"
  • "If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball."
    • "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
  • "Who's Steve the Pirate?"
    • "The only guy on our team who dresses like a pirate."
      • "There's a guy on our team dressed like a pirate?"
    • (later...) "Hey look, it's Steve the Pirate." Explanation: He doesn't recognize Steve the Pirate when he's in his pirate costume, but instead during the one time in the whole movie that he's in normal clothing.
  • "Fuckin' Chuck Norris."
    • The director stated in the DVD commentary that he wishes he had a way to have that line play on repeat all throughout his house.
  • Patches "...Bye Bye". Just the way Rip Torn delivers it.
  • When the Girl Scouts get disqualified and one of them walks up to the girl who caused it and says, "God damn you, Bernice!". Bernice's Manly Tears in a deep voice adds to it.
  • After White introduces Fran to the Joes, who nails a guy across the bad room with a dodgeball.
    Justin: I think that guy might really be dead!
    • Justin's violent spit-take too.
    • And Owen falling in love.
  • "My cousin Ray Ray? Boop. Dead."
  • The ever offbeat thinking Pepper Brooks.
    Average Joes walk out in bondage gear
    Cotton: Oh my sweet Jesus.
    Pepper: That's rad.
  • Owen's rather strange way of trying to comfort the team after Patches was killed by two-tons of irish irony.
    Owen: Well, it was probably the way he would've wanted to go.
    Dwight: ... What?
  • Patches' Crosses the Line Twice assessment of their team performance.
    Patches: And will somebody please catch a goddamn ball?! It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!!
  • Funny at the time, and either Hilarious in Hindsight or Harsher in Hindsight (or both), depending on your sensibilities, was Lance Armstrong's cameo. In light of his doping scandal, his final line of the movie seems oddly (and hilariously) prophetic.
    Lance Armstrong: I thought about quitting once, back when I was diagnosed with heart, lung, and testicular cancer all at the same time... But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals?
    Peter: Right now it feels a little bit like shame.
    Lance Armstrong: Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life. But good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.
  • Me'Shell walking in on White's strange pizza fetish (he was about to stuff a pizza down his pants).
    White: What is so important that you need to interrupt me in my private reflection period?
  • When Kate is in White's office, she looks at the giant painting of White wrestling a bull:
    White: Yeah, that's me, "taking the bull by the horns". It's how I handle my business. It's a metaphor.
    Kate: I get it.
    White: But that actually happened, though.
    • In the same scene, when White asks Kate out:
    White: We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
    (Kate convulses)
    White: Are you OK?
    Kate: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
  • White: "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. NOBODY!"
  • At the tournament, White walks into a random spectator carrying a soda. He mutters "What the hell" and slaps the soda out of the poor sap's hand.
  • The guys decide to have a car wash to raise the $50,000... and unfortunately happen to pick a day when a competing car wash crew is right across the street: Beautiful ladies in bikinis. The guys only got one customer: A creepy guy who kept instructing Justin to wash his truck's wheels.
    Guy: (rubbing his belly) That's it, boy. Get in there nice and deep, like. (the guy's doberman barks at Justin)
  • The bizarre ringside commentary when Joe's faces off against the Lumberjacks:
    Cotton: (regarding Kate) These woodsmen probably haven't even smelt a woman in eight months.
    Pepper: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
  • Gordon waves at his mail-order bride before their first match; she gives him the "L for loser" hand signal. Gordon thinks the "L" stands for "love".