History Funny / DodgeballATrueUnderdogStory

* '''Patches:''' "You're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop!"

* '''Patches:''' ''(to Gordon, during the training exercises)'' "You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!"

** (later...) "Hey look, it's Steve the Pirate." Explanation: [[spoiler:He doesn't recognize Steve the Pirate when he's in his pirate costume, but instead during the one time in the whole movie that he's in normal clothing.]]

-->''Average Joes walk out in bondage gear''
-->'''Cotton:''' Oh my sweet Jesus.
-->'''Pepper:''' That's rad.
* Owen's rather strange way of trying to comfort the team [[spoiler:after Patches was killed by two-tons of Irish irony]].
-->'''Owen:''' Well, it was probably the way he would've wanted to go.
-->'''Dwight:''' ... What?

-->'''Lance Armstrong:''' I thought about quitting once, back when I was diagnosed with heart, lung, and testicular cancer all at the same time... But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals?
-->'''Peter:''' Right now it feels a little bit like shame.
-->'''Lance Armstrong:''' Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life. But good luck to you Peter. [[{{Foreshadowing}} I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.]]

--> '''White:''' What is so important that you need to interrupt me in my private reflection period?

--> '''White:''' Yeah, that's me, "taking the bull by the horns." It's how I handle my business. [[CaptainObvious It's a metaphor.]]\\

--> '''Guy:''' ''(rubbing his belly)'' That's it, boy. Get in there nice and deep, like. ''(the guy's Doberman barks at Justin)''

--> '''Cotton:''' ''(regarding Kate)'' These woodsmen probably haven't even smelt a woman in eight months.\\

--> '''Cotton:''' There's a souvenir for a lucky fan.

** In the theatrical edit, he says, "poopie-flavored lollipop", which is just as funny (and gross).

* Patches' inspirational speech at the end. "You can do it! I believe in you! ''[long beat]'' Bye Bye". Just the way Creator/RipTorn delivers it.
* When the Girl Scouts get disqualified and one of them walks up to the girl who caused it and says, "God damn you, Bernice!". Bernice's ManlyTears in a deep voice adds to it.

-->'''Peter''': Right now it feels a little bit like shame.

--> '''White''': What is so important that you need to interrupt me in my private reflection period?

--> '''White''': Yeah, that's me, "taking the bull by the horns". It's how I handle my business. [[CaptainObvious It's a metaphor.]]\\
'''Kate''': I get it.\\
'''White''': But that actually happened, though.

---> '''White''': [[DoYouWantToCopulate We should mate]].\\
'''Kate''': ''[[FlatWhat What?]]''\\
'''White''': ... [[LastSecondWordSwap Date]]. We should go on a date sometime. Socially. Go out and kick it.\\

'''White''': Are you OK?\\
'''Kate''': I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.\\
'''White''': You know in some cultures, they only eat vomit. I've never been there, but I've read about it, ''in a book''.

-->'''Dwight''': That guy's a dickhead.

--> '''Guy''': ''(rubbing his belly)'' That's it, boy. Get in there nice and deep, like. ''(the guy's Doberman barks at Justin)''

--> '''Cotton''': ''(regarding Kate)'' These woodsmen probably haven't even smelt a woman in eight months.\\
'''Pepper''': They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
* Gordon waves at his mail-order bride before their first match; she gives him the "L for loser" hand signal. Gordon thinks the "L" stands for "love".

--> '''Cotton''': There's a souvenir for a lucky fan.

-->'''Patches''': And will somebody ''please'' catch a goddamn ball?! It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!!

* After White introduces Fran to the Joes, who nails a guy across the bar room with a dodgeball.

'''White''': You know in some cultures, they only eat vomit.
*** It's even funnier once you learn that White and Kate are married in real life.

--> '''White''': [[DoYouWantToCopulate We should mate]].\\

--> '''White''': We should mate.\\
'''Kate''': ''What?''\\
'''White''': ... Date. We should go on a date sometime. Socially. Go out and kick it.\\

--> '''White''': We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.\\

* Patches' CrossesTheLineTwice assessment of their team performance.
-->'''Patches''': And will somebody ''please'' catch a goddamn ball?! It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!!

** And Owen falling in love.

* Owen's rather strange way of trying to comfort the team [[spoiler:after Patches was killed by two-tons of irish irony]].

--> '''Guy''': ''(rubbing his belly)'' That's it, boy. Get in there nice and deep, like. ''(the guy's doberman barks at Justin)''

* Patches' inspirational speech at the end. "You can do it! I believe in you! ''[long beat]'' Bye Bye". Just the way Rip Torn delivers it.

* Patches "...Bye Bye". Just the way Rip Torn delivers it.

** In the TV edit, he says, "poopie-flavored lollipop", which is just as funny (and gross).

* The ever [[CloudCuckooLander offbeat thinking]] Pepper Brooks.

'''Kate''': I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

* After White introduces Fran to the Joes, who nails a guy across the bad room with a dodgeball.

** (later...) "Hey look, it's Steve the Pirate." Explanation: [[spoiler: He doesn't recognize Steve the Pirate when he's in his pirate costume, but instead during the one time in the whole movie that he's in normal clothing.]]

* Owen's rather strange way of trying to comfort the team [[spoiler: after Patches was killed by two-tons of irish irony]].

* At the tournament, White walks into a random spectator carrying a soda. He mutters "What the hell" and slaps the soda out of the poor sap's hand.

* Me'Shell walking in on White's strange pizza fetish (he was about the stuff a pizza down his pants).