Funny / Demon Knight

  • The Collector's rant after Brayker uses the Key to ward him off:
    The Collector: Humans! You're not worth the flesh you're printed on! (taking off his jacket and hat) Fuck this cowboy shit! You fuckin' ho-dunk, po-dunk, well then there MOTHERFUCKERS! All you had to do was give me the god-damned key! And then we could get on with our lives!
    • The Cable version replaces the word "MOTHERFUCKERS" with "MELONEATERS"... making the line possibly even funnier.
  • Irene shouting for someone to get Cleo off of the table.
    Irene: For God's sake, get that pussy off the table!''
    'Cordeilia hurriedly gets off of the table she's sitting on
    Irene: I meant the cat.''
  • The Collector suddenly appears behind Cordelia on the porch and tries to enter, only to be barred by the blood barrier. And has this to say as Brayker slams the door in his face:
    The Collector: Gimme the key, Brayker, for CRYIN' OUT LOUD!
  • The Collector offering Irene her severed arm in exchange for her soul:
    The Collector: Hello! I'm your waiter Skip. Our special today is a lovely poached appendage. Market price, of course. For starters, I recommend the finger food. You want your arm back on, Irene? I can make it happen.
    • And then Irene responds by holding out her stump. No, she's not accepting the offer; she's giving him the finger.
      The Collector: ... I'll get back to you.
  • Not to mention shortly after The Collector manages to get upstairs:
    The Collector: Anybody home? Come on out, everybody! Time to play! Hello?
    The Collector: Oooooor not.
  • The prologue, complete with Dan Fielding and the Cryptkeeper's pun-fest:
    The Cryptkeeper: What the hell are you doing?!
    Actor: I-I'm acting.
    The Cryptkeeper: You call that 'hack-ting?!
    Actor: Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do call it 'acting.'
    The Cryptkeeper: Well, let me tell you something, pal—you're no 'Gory' Cooper! You're not even a Robert 'Deadford!' Another take like that, and it'll be back to 'bit parts' for you, and I won't say what bits I'm talking about!
    Actor: Where'd they dig this guy up?
  • Uncle Willy's seduction, surrounded by topless women cooing and The Collector as a barkeep.
    The Collector: (thick Brooklyn accent) Suck this one down, Uncle Willy! Long hard one! Nothing gets ya fucked up faster. Am I right, ladies? Am I right? (pours Willy a drink and hands it to him) Here's looking at you, Uncle Willy.