- The Now You Tell Me moment ("NOW a warning?!")
- "My ass... I can see... my ASS!"
- "You're a fraud, Helen! You're a walking lie, and I can 'see right through you!" (which Madeline does, literally, through the hole in Helen's abdomen).
- While the women are sparring, Madeline throws a shovel at Helen like a spear and accidentally sends it right through the hole. "YES! NO! Oh, DAMN!"
- Madeline reveling in killing Helen.
Ernest: She's dead!
Madeline: (mock gasp) She is? (gleeful) Oh. These are the moments that make life worth living.
Ernest: Life in prison? Know what that means to a person in your condition?
Madeline: So negative. (eyes glittering) Can't you just let me enjoy the moment?
- (Helen rises from a pool with a huge, gaping hole in her chest)
Helen: Look at me, Ernest! Just look at me! I'm SOAKING WET!
- The Imagine Spot as Helen goes over her plan to kill Madeline: she pours alcohol all over Madeline's car and then dumps the bottles inside, revealing dozens of bottles and alcohol everywhere.
- Ernest returning to Helen's hospital room, only to find her missing:
Ernest: Where did you put my wife?
Doctor: (sympathetic) She's dead, sir. They took her to the morgue.
Ernest: The morgue? She'll be FURIOUS!
- When Lisle first tells Madeline the price for the youth potion, she laughs...until Lisle demonstrates what the potion does.
Madeline: Check okay?
- Ernest trying to break up the fight between undead Madeline and Helen:
Ernest: Girls, girls, calm down. I'm sure we can settle this peacefully.
(Quickly ducks as shovels clash together over his head. Madeline and Helen begin circling each other, shouting and swinging shovels.)
Ernest: ...I'll just be upstairs.