Funny / Death Becomes Her

  • The Now You Tell Me moment ("NOW a warning?!")
  • Madeline, after noting that her head is on backwards.
    Madeline: My ass... I can see... my ASS!
  • "You're a fraud, Helen! You're a walking lie, and I can see right through you!" (which Madeline does, literally, through the hole in Helen's abdomen).
    • While the women are sparring, Madeline throws the broken shovel handle at Helen like a javelin and sends it right through the hole, failing to do any damage. "YES! NO! Oh, DAMN!"
  • Madeline reveling in killing Helen.
    Ernest: She's dead!
    Madeline: (mock gasp) She is? (gleeful) Oh. These are the moments that make life worth living.
    • Then:
    Ernest: Life in prison? Know what that means to a person in your condition?
    Madeline: So negative. (eyes glittering) Can't you just let me enjoy the moment?
  • (Helen rises from a pool with a huge, gaping hole in her chest)
    Helen: Look at me, Ernest! Just look at me! I'm SOAKING WET!
  • The Imagine Spot as Helen goes over her plan to kill Madeline: she pours alcohol all over Madeline's car and then dumps the bottles inside, revealing dozens of bottles and alcohol everywhere.
    Helen: We'll make it look like she's had just a little bit too much to drink...
  • Ernest returning to Helen's hospital room, only to find her missing:
    Ernest: Where did you put my wife?
    Doctor: (sympathetic) She's dead, sir. They took her to the morgue.
    Ernest: The morgue? She'll be FURIOUS!
  • When Lisle first tells Madeline the price for the youth potion, she laughs...until Lisle demonstrates what the potion does.
    Madeline: Check okay?
  • Ernest trying to break up the fight between undead Madeline and Helen:
    Ernest: Girls, girls, calm down. I'm sure we can settle this peacefully.
    (Quickly ducks as shovels clash together over his head. Madeline and Helen begin circling each other, shouting and swinging shovels.)
    Ernest: ...I'll just be upstairs.
  • The medical exam with the doctor. He checks Madeline for a heartbeat with a stethoscope in a typical doctor's manner...and when he finds nothing, he taps the tool with a finger. Cue a sudden and loud THUD THUD as the audience hears that!
  • Chagall greeting the guests at Lisle's party, reminding them of the necessity of staging their own deaths.
    Chagall: We have a very strict policy against popping up in grab a few headlines. (Pause.) I won't name names. (Waggles finger at audience.) You know who you are.
    (Crowd turns to look at Elvis, who glances down at the floor and mumbles guiltily.)
  • Helen in therapy.
    I would like to talk about...Madeline Aston!(rest of group starts screaming.)