Funny / Blue Beetle

Spoilers Off applies to all Funny pages, so all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned!

---

Don't piss off Bianca Reyes.

Ted Kord

• Waaaaay back in the Charlton days, Beetle fought a gang of thugs who were trying to steal from the laboratory where Ted Kord worked. The thugs got away when one of them blindsided him with a piece of furniture. The female scientist in the lab asked if he was all right...
  Beetle (wincing in pain): Of course I'm all right! I always go around getting clobbered over the head by solid oak stools. It's good for my brains.

Jamie Reyes pre-New 52

• To the right: Guy Gardner, uncharacteristically swallowing his pride, comes to Jaime's house to try and apologize. Jaime, understandably freaked out because Guy tried to kill him at their last meeting, blasts Guy and screams for everyone to run. Instead, his mom just marches right into the middle of it and starts lecturing him. And Guy.
• Upon being headbutted:
  Blue Beetle: AH! That hurt through the armor! What are you packing in there?!
  Lonar: JUSTICE!
  Blue Beetle: You have a forehead full of justice? What does that even MEAN?!
• Issue #16 of his first solo series is full of these. Starting with the first appearance of Traci 13 in the comic:
  Jaime: I wish I could meet a cute girl who would be okay with all the weird.
  Traci 13: (teleporting right on top of the car Jaime and Paco are working on) Are you Jaime Reyes? The Blue Beetle?
  [Beat]
  Paco: (jaw gaping, grabbing Jaime by the collar) Say "I wish for a Porsche!" Say, "I wish for a Porsche" before it wears off!
  • Eclipso trying to unleash Jaime's Superpowered Evil Side to kill Paco:
  Paco: Let's get it done, you purple freak.
  Eclipso: I'll make it special for you. I am wrath. I am temptation. I deliver to each their own, fitting, perfect destruction.
  Blue Beetle: 'AGGHHH!
  Eclipso: I will release Jaime Reyes' deepest, darkest fantasies of ultimate power. You will die at the hand of your dearest friend! Witness the monster within the Blue Beetle!
  Jaime: I— am— a dentist!
  Eclipso: Wait. What? What in Neron's name is going on here?
  Traci 13: Got me.
  Eclipso: You're the secret power fantasy of a teenager with an alien killing machine at his command?

  • That's a Heartwarming Moment, too. Why does he want to be a dentist? To pay off his parents' mortgage, send Milagro to college, get a vacation home near his grandma's.
  • Even funnier is Paco bringing down dentist!Jaime with a 2x4 whack upside the head. "I win."
• At one point he visits a space research center at the same time as several other schools from around the country. Paco can't stop obsessing over the pretty girls form various private schools that are everywhere, and when Jaime gets into a fight with the Teen Titans they start commenting on how Wonder Girl's outfit doesn't look like a uniform because it's a belly shirt. Paco also insists that the girls on the team who wear skirts and fly should continue to do so.
  • In order to thwart an attempt at ruining the launch, they have to clear out a room full of scientists. Cue Kid Devil.
  Kid Devil: AH-HAH-HAH-HAHH! FLEE! FLEE FROM THIS PLACE OF GODLESS SCIENCE! THAT'S RIGHT! You have summoned the APOCALYPSE with your love of SCIENCE! I HAVE COME TO COLLECT YOUR SOULS! You brought this on yourselves! By teaching EVOLUTION!
• Paco seeing Giganta.
  Paco: ...Buh. Buh-buh...They're...
  Peacemaker: Don't stare, your mind fixates. Next thing you're cruising some really weird chatrooms...This is why I don't work with teenagers.
  Paco: He needs our help with his sexy fight!
  Peacemaker: How does Batman keep his kid focused? Swear he drugs Robin's water.
• During the time travel incident where Jaime is recruited by a supposed Blue Beetle of the future along with Booster Gold and Dan Garrett to save Ted Kord, they pass by Parallax and Extant plotting in time-space. Parallax's expression is amusing thanks to his Expressive Mask when he realizes they've been seen. Jamie, naturally worried, asks if they were spotted while time-travelling. Dan Garrett's response gets a Deadpan Snarker delivery that would be worthy of Batman.
  Dan Garrett: We're five grown men dressed in bright colors inside a clear plastic bubble set against a rainbow background, Jaime. They saw us.
• When Jaime tells Paco that he's just glad that his life can get back to normal. Cue the next page of Jaime Face Palming and looking at a cow mutilated by aliens.
• Also, when a Mother Box accidentally sends Brenda to the Fourth World, Metron ends up helping. He states that he knows what the Oans are keeping hidden from the Green Lanterns in the "forbidden sector", and what lies beyond the Source Wall, but Jaime doesn't care about any of that and simply wants to know about the scarab. Metron seems surprised that he doesn't care about what's beyond the Source Wall (Jaime probably doesn't even know what it is). And when Jaime says they have to turn off the planet's built-in death traps so any other unknowing travelers don't trigger them, Metron simply rolls his eyes, going "Humans."

Jamie Reyes post-New 52

• In the New 52's issue #9 of Blue Beetle, Blue Beetle encounters Green Lantern Kyle Rayner, Red Lantern Bleez, and Orange Lantern Glomulus in New York City and end up fighting because the Scarab thinks they're enemies. During the fight, Bleez pounces on Blue and pins him down between her legs. The Scarab then gives Blue a heads-up on his vitals:
  Scarab: Registering metabolic arousal.
  Blue Beetle: Stop it Bugsuit, I am not "aroused"!
  Bleez: (backing off) What did you just say?!
  Blue Beetle: (covering his crotch) It's just the armor, I swear! Parts of it sorta morph sometimes and...
• In issue #4 of Blue Beetle (New 52), Paco is at a party with his gang, Chuco-Thirteen. Suddenly, supervillains Warp, Phobia, Plasmus, and Silverback show up looking for Paco to interrogate him about the Scarab. Chuco-Thirteen's gangmembers all whip out guns and point them at the supervillains. Except for Paco, who knows what they can do and runs away as fast as he can.
  Gangmember: Don't worry Paco, we don't rat out— (realizes Pacos not there) —our own...
  Paco:(running away) ...*hff*...*hff*...*hff*...
• In issue #2 (New 52), at Brenda's quinceañera, La Dama suggests that Brenda should find a boyfriend.
  Brenda: But I'm not interested in any boys I know.
  La Dama: Oh come on. He looks handsome enough.
  Brenda: Joey Gonzalez?! I'd rather crap broken glass!
  La Dama: Well that was ladylike...

Ted Rebirth series

• Ted making an inspiring speech about creativity and idea and getting no applause.

Jaime Rebirth series

• Jaime having to suffer Brenda and Paco's Belligerent Sexual Tension.
• The Posse thinking BB is crazier than a sack of cats when he's actually talking to Ted, not himself.
• Blurr in general.