Funny / Batista

  • After winning the 2005 Royal Rumble, he had to decide whether he wanted to stay on Raw to challenge Triple H for the World Heavyweight Championship, or cross over to SmackDown and challenge John "Bradshaw" Layfield for the WWE Championship. On February 17, 2005, he paid SmackDown a visit. While JBL was cutting a promo, he showed up in his Corvette and parked by JBL's limo. Batista took off his suit coat and got out a bat. He then admired himself in the window tinting before smashing in all the windows on the limo, and ripping off the horns attached to the hood. He sped off before JBL's Cabinet could confront him.
  • This little gem that happened during his Last Man Standing match against John Cena:
    Boy in crowd: I hate you, Batista!
    Batista: I hate you too!
  • The promo Batista recorded after Cena duct taped him to a turnbuckle in order to win the aforementioned Last Man Standing match.
    That was by far...the most embarrassing moment...of John Cena's career. I'm sorry, I take that back. I apologize. That was the most embarassing moment of John Cena's life! Stoop! That! Low?! Duct tape?! ARE YOU SERIOUS? REALLY? DUCT TAPE?! That's something Hornswoggle would do!
  • Watching Dave "hulking out" on the Simon System before and during the match was pretty funny.
  • Pretty much all of his final pre-2010 retirement run in WWE, in which he was easily the biggest douche walking the face of RAW in the last five years. And man did he own it!
  • Any backstage segment he had with Eddie Guerrero. Guerrero immediately befriended Batista to avoid a fight with him(and was very clearly up to no good). Batista was very aware of this and knew he couldn't trust Guerrero. But rather than lowering the boom he accepted his friendship and continually played hilarious mind games with him to mess with him and expose his intentions. The most memorable one was his in-ring segment where Batista goes "Tommy Boy" on him and demands a hug, complete with Eddie's priceless face.
  • Literally planting a flag in La Resistance's ass after a Handicap match.
  • His Twitter bio has listed him as, among other things, a "WWE Jobber." The man certainly knows how to poke fun at himself these days.
  • Payback 2014. He's on a team with Triple H and Randy Orton. The both of them are in all black. Batista is in a light, almost powder, blue. When they made their entrance, HHH and Orton both looked at Dave's non-matching outfit as though they were thinking, "God damn it, Dave..." And thus, BLUEtista was born!
  • Rather infamously, Batista was known for wearing skinny jeans during his 2014 return, which left some people wondering how he was going to be able to actually do the Batista Bomb. Cue him trying one time, and ripping them wide open (in fact, a blowout might be a better term.) Funny enough, but when he appeared on Chris Jericho's podcast, he mentioned a hilarious irony to the situation. Namely, the pants that ripped weren't skinny jeans, and if he actually had been wearing skinny jeans (which have some give in the fabric,) they likely wouldn't have ripped at all.
  • Back in 2008, Batista was warming up/psyching himself up for his match, only to have a fan run in, mug for the camera and imitate Batista's machine gun pose, and get chased out by security. Through it all, Batista has a classic "WTF?!?" look on his face.
  • After landing the role of Drax the Destroyer, Batista Tweeted a series of pictures of Drax and Brass Body action figures having a duel with a surprising outcome.note 
  • Before making his debut as Deacon Batista with then Reverend D-Von, management told him to buy a nice suit for his appearance. After buying the nicest one he could afford, he was rather aghast when they cut the sleeves off.