Film / Colour Me Kubrick

The 2005 film Colour Me Kubrick is based on the real-life story of Alan Conway, a sleazy, alcoholic and gay con artist who went around London in the early 1990s claiming to be Stanley Kubrick, despite looking nothing like Kubrick and knowing absolutely nothing about Kubrick's films or about film-making. Instead, Conway's scam mostly relied on the fact that the real Stanley Kubrick rarely gave interviews and was seldom filmed or photographed in person, so most people had no idea of what Stanley Kubrick actually looked or sounded like.

Conway was surprisingly successful at his game of preying on people's desire for an imagined friendship with somebody famous. By promising (as "Stanley Kubrick") to leverage his connections in the entertainment industry on behalf of aspiring actors, musicians, and designers of dubious talent, Conway managed to secure free drinks, meals, hotel stays, and sexual encounters from the gullible wherever he went.

While most of the people who fell for Conway's act were often just willfully ignorant, he did briefly manage to fool several more prominent individuals, such as New York Times theater critic Frank Rich into thinking that they had met Stanley Kubrick.

The film was directed by Brian W. Cook, who was himself an assistant director to Stanley Kubrick on several film projects. John Malkovich plays Alan Conway; Jim Davidson plays Lee Pratt, a singer and comedian of limited talent who thinks that "Kubrick" will set up shows for him in Las Vegas.

This film provide examples of:

• Actor Allusion: Jim Davidson met Alan Conway in the early 90s and at the time really believed that he met Stanley Kubrick.
• The Alcoholic: Conway is seldom seen without a bottle of vodka in his hand, and on a couple of occasions drinks until he passes out.
• Based on a True Story: The film's subtitle is "A True...ish Story", and indeed many of the events and personalities shown in the film are real, if rather embellished.
• Becoming the Mask: Conway fakes this in order to escape criminal prosecution. Namely, at the time of his arrest, he pretends that he's a delusional lunatic who really believes that he's Stanley Kubrick rather than a confidence man who just claims to be the famous film director for financial gain.
• Bigger Than Jesus: Said verbatim by Norman, Lee Pratt's agent, as Pratt daydreams about how a gig in Las Vegas will boost his career.
• Blatant Lies: Alan Conway's entire MO consists of claiming to be Stanley Kubrick. Since he knows nothing about film-making (and never even watched most of Kubrick's films), Conway bluffs his way through by name-dropping various celebrities that he claims to have worked with or to be close friends with, and usually fails to get even those right.
  • When boasting of his Las Vegas connections to Lee Pratt, Conway as "Kubrick" claims (fictional character) Moe Greene as a close personal friend.
  • During a later name-dropping session, "Kubrick" also claims to have made movies with a Mouseketeer:
  Pratt's Number One Fan: So tell me, Mr. Cuteprick[sic], have you ever made a film with anyone famous?
  Conway: Kirk Douglas...James Mason...Greta Garbo...Annette...Annette Funicello.
• The Cameo: Several:
  • Honor Blackman and Leslie Phillips as the wealthy elderly couple whose house is broken into by the two thugs looking for Conway.
  • Robert Powell as the journalist who writes the story about Conway's ruse.
  • Richard E. Grant as Jasper, the owner of the gay club that Conway co-signs a loan for as "Stanley Kubrick".
  • Ken Russell as a patient in a mental hospital (named K. Russell) who really believes that he's Stanley Kubrick.
  • Marisa Berenson appears as journalist Alex Witchel, who helps her husband, New York Times theater critic Frank Rich, prove that Conway isn't really Kubrick.
• Camp Gay:
  • Alan Conway is quite flamboyant and effeminate in the film (however, in real life, Alan Conway was much more of a Straight Gay according to people who knew him).
  • Lee Pratt is also extremely effeminate and campy. According to one of his friends, he still manages to convince his fanbase of local middle-aged housewives that he's straight.
  • The two young gay men at the bar talking about their friendship with "Kubrick" (and discussing their ludicrous theory that HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey was driven to kill the astronauts out of homosexual jealousy) are walking stereotypes.
• Celebrity Paradox: Conway says that he plans to give John Malkovich a starring role in his next film.
• Con Man: When Conway meets someone he wants to swindle, he claims to be Stanley Kubrick and promises to use his connections in the entertainment industry to help out the acting, music, or designing career of his marks. In return, the people he cons buy him drinks and meals, set him up in fancy hotels, have sex with him, or even give him money.
• Cringe Comedy: Conway as "Kubrick" tries to bluff his way through discussions about "his" films, despite knowing nothing about film-making in general and not having even watched most of Kubrick's movies, especially in cases where people start to see through his ruse, e.g.
  Conway: Yes [Judgment at Nuremberg] was a very difficult film to make, a lot of problems, but it all worked out in the end.
  Young Man at Bar: That is amazing. That's really amazing. You know what the most amazing thing is? It's that Judgment at Nuremberg was actually directed by Stanley Kramer, not Stanley Kubrick...Let me give you some advice, mate. If you're going to come in here pretending to be someone you're not, at least do us the favor of doing a little research first.
• Department of Redundancy Department: Since Conway knows next to nothing about the world of film-making, most of what he says is either nonsense or self-evident tautology:
  Conway: I once saw [Lee Pratt's] television show...on television!
• Don't Call Me "Sir": Conway often ingratiates himself to his marks by insisting that they call him "Stanley" rather than "Mr. Kubrick."
• Epic Fail: When Conway as "Kubrick" encounters a skeptical young man who knows something about classic films, his transparent ruse fails when he starts claiming to have directed Judgment at Nuremberg, which was in fact directed by Stanley Kramer.
• Fake American: In universe, Conway is a Brit pretending to be an American film director, often with very bad American accents. Ironically inverted since we have American actor John Malkovich playing the English Conway.
• High Hopes, Zero Talent: Conway's favorite targets for his scam are often aspiring musicians and actors of dubious talent, such as the Exterminating Angels metal band and second-rate lounge singer Lee Pratt. There's a good reason why they were unknown and why they were so eager to believe in "Kubrick's" promises of publicity.
• Impossibly Tacky Clothes: Conway wears several very strange and gaudy outfits throughout the film - headscarves, striped and polka-dotted pants and shirts, etc.
• Karma Houdini: By pretending to be delusional and mentally ill, Conway escapes criminal prosecution, and moreover gets sent to a luxurious resort at government expense for therapy.
• Manchild: When the hotel manager wakes Lee Pratt to reveal that Alan Conway isn't who he pretends he is, Pratt is playing with a small teddy bear.
• Meaningful Name: Completely coincidentally (since it's based on a real person and story), the main character's name is Alan CONway.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: Lee Pratt is based on English singer Joe Longthorne, who was indeed conned by Alan Conway much as shown in the movie.
• Obfuscating Insanity: Conway escapes criminal prosecution for fraud and theft by pretending to be mentally ill, so that the authorities would believe that he went around claiming to be Stanley Kubrick because he was delusional rather than because he was a con artist.
• Oh, Crap!: Conway's facial expression when caught in a lie is somewhere between this and Dull Surprise, e.g. when the young man at the gay bar gets him as "Kubrick" to take credit for a Stanley Kramer film, or when Pratt's agent Norman hands him the restaurant bill.
• Shout-Out: Many of Kubrick's films are referenced in various scenes and in the soundtrack, e.g.
  • The two thugs wearing bowler hats who accost the elderly couple in the opening scene while looking for "Kubrick" resemble Alex and his Droogs from A Clockwork Orange, though they're more ridiculous than dangerous.
  • The scene where Conway gets thrown off the pier by hotel security after being discovered resembles the scene of Alex being beaten and nearly drowned in A Clockwork Orange and is accompanied by the same music.
  • Many of the same famous classical music excerpts used in the soundtracks of Kubrick's films find their way into various scenes, e.g. Also Sprach Zarathustra by Richard Strauss, The Thieving Magpie by Gioachino Rossini, The Beautiful Blue Danube by Johann Strauss Jr, and excerpts from the 9th symphony of Ludwig van Beethoven.
  • In the scene where Conway relaxes at the luxurious Rimini Clinic, Al Bowlly's Midnight, the Stars and You plays, a shout-out to the closing ballroom photo in The Shining.
  • Conway as "Kubrick" likes to name-drop celebrities. Some of them are indeed actors who Kubrick has worked with, e.g. Jack Nicholson and James Mason, while others are completely out of left field.
• Smarter Than You Look: Lee Pratt's agent Norman comes across as rather dim-witted and every bit as gullible as Pratt at first, but it doesn't take long for him to start to see that Conway's "Kubrick" is too good to be true. When at the hotel, Norman starts investigating what phone calls Conway has made and asking him questions that may trap him in an obvious lie.
• Stylistic Suck: Lee Pratt as a musician (and even more so as a comedian - his best attempt at humor was calling a waiter "Gargoyle" rather than "Garcon"), as well as the metal band Exterminating Angels.
• Super Gullible: Most of the people who fall for Conway's Blatant Lies do so because they are incredibly naive themselves and are willing to grasp any straw for a brush with fame or a chance to break into the entertainment industry.
• Viva Las Vegas!: Lee Pratt really believes that Alan Conway as "Stanley Kubrick" will set up gigs for him in Las Vegas. Pratt is so overjoyed about the prospect of performing in Vegas that he sings the song of the same title as part of his act at the hotel.
• What the Hell Is That Accent?: Conway modifies his voice and accent depending on who he's trying to con. In life, Conway was a Brit who did very bad American accents. Malkovich as Conway throws various absurd-sounding, made-up accents in various scenes - something like a really bad attempt at a US southern accent when trying to con Jasper (the nightclub owner), an exaggerated New York City Jewish accent when conning Lee Pratt, a more refined English accent with various other marks etc. In many cases his speech doesn't even sound like any real accent at all.