The characters from Gold Tongues.
Some spoilers are unmarked.
open/close all folders
The Three Drifters
In General
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": None of their real names are ever revealed. They aren't even referred to the nicknames given to them until Cham gives them all one.
- Villain Protagonist: All three of them are callous murderers, even Buzz.
Buzz
- "Do you think it was wrong for us to become sapient?"
An aging, lazy drifter struggling to maintain his optimism and chivalry.
- Desperately Looking for a Purpose in Life: Buzz struggles with wondering whether or not what's left of humanity should just go extinct, considering everyone around him is dead or dying, and those who are in great health don't care about humanity.
- Drowning My Sorrows: Implied. After Buzz murders Kozarr, he shrugs it off and acts like he's okay. But then he finds a stash of beer and starts drinking heavily. Whether he was drinking because he secretly felt guilty or simply because he felt like it is up for interpretation.
- For the Evulz: He admits to having murdered Kozarr for absolutely no reason than because he could.
- Karma Houdini: Buzz suffers no repercussions for murdering a mutant and stealing his belongings.
- Lazy Bum: Buzz tends to spend his time meandering around and sunbathing, treating the apocalypse and even the hostile Big Creepy-Crawlies as nothing but a nuisance.
- Nice Guy: Deconstructed. Buzz starts off giving people a lift in his van purely out of kindness, but one person pees in his van and acts disrespectful to him, while the other steals his van and leaves him to die. As the story progresses, Buzz gradually stops caring about people because most people in the world take advantage of others, and he secretly wishes he wasn't around them anymore. It eventually reaches a point where Buzz becomes just as selfish as the people he despises when he murders Kozarr in cold blood and steals all of his belongings, simply because he felt like it and knew he wouldn't be punished for it.
- Sole Survivor: He's the only main character who lives to the end.
- Took a Level in Cynic: Buzz starts off being mostly positive and nice in the story, but as the story progresses, he grows much more cynical and apathetic like the rest of the world. Eventually he ends up murdering a mutant for no reason and shows little emotion upon finding out that Petrol raped three girls.
- Villain Protagonist: Eventually, he murders Kozarr because he felt like it.
Stix
- "Make your own happiness."
A spiky-haired pragmatic drifter with a tendency to steal from others.
- Ambiguously Brown: His skin is tan, not pale or peach-colored. However, since he doesn't wear a shirt, and he lives in a desert, it's possible he's Caucasian and the sun darkened his skin over time.
- The Anti-Nihilist: Stix knows full-well that life is pointless and there's no reason to care about anything because the world's officially ended. So he spends his time stealing from others, getting high, and enjoying himself whenever he possibly can.
- Catchphrase: "Beggars can't be choosers!"
- Even Evil Has Standards: He's notable disgusted when he finds out that Petrol raped three girls, and even more disturbed when Buzz shows absolutely no reaction either and admits he killed a mutant just because he felt like it.
- Face Death with Dignity: After he's mortally wounded by a merchant he tried to steal from, Stix congratulates the man on beating him at his own game and shakes his hand, shortly before his throat is slashed.
- Moral Sociopathy: Stix is fine with killing people, but only when he absolutely has to. He also doesn't go around raping people since he finds it tasteless, even though he physically could if he wanted to.
- The Pig-Pen: Stix isn't fond of hygiene, and multiple people have noted that he smells overly-musky and needs a bath.
- Slashed Throat: How a merchant kills him in the final chapter.
- The Sociopath: Downplayed. Stix only cares about himself, but he has his own standards, and he keeps himself restrained.
- Straight Gay: He's homosexual, but shows no hints of it up until chapter 4 where he confronts another gay man and has sex with him.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Bagels. He literally risks dying just to acquire one of them.
- Villain Protagonist: He is a violent, selfish drifter who kills innocent people throughout the story to get their stuff and shows no concern for them.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: He never wears a shirt in the story.
- You Need a Breath Mint: Cham and Buzz openly tell Stix that he's got bad breath. Even Stix acknowledges that he doesn't care about oral hygiene.
Petrol
An obese, mute drifter who constantly preys on others for his own amusement.
- Badass Biker: He wanders the roads on a motorcycle, and is a conniving killer more than capable of handling himself in a fight.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Petrol acts like a loyal bodyguard, a compassionate confident, and even a surrogate big brother throughout the story. All of it is just an act to hide his murderous behavior and to give others a false sense of security.
- Bring My Brown Pants: Petrol pisses his shorts when a mutant drifter starts choking him to death.
- Facial Horror: He has no nose, his cheeks have been sliced off, and what's left of his face is gradually decaying.
- Fat Bastard: Besides Five Strikes, he's the fattest character in the story, and the most depraved one.
- From Nobody to Nightmare: Before the apocalypse, Petrol was just a music teacher in middle school—albeit, one who molested two of his students and got arrested for it. Now he's a sadistic scavenger who needlessly tortures and kills people whenever he feels like it.
- Gasshole: Downplayed. Petrol doesn't pass gas in every scene he's in, but he does fart a couple times to annoy others around him.
- I'm a Humanitarian: In chapter 1, Petrol wastes no time feasting on a woman's corpse after he realizes there's no other food source within miles of him.
- The Noseless: It's unclear how it happened, but Petrol's nose was cut off prior to the story.
- The Pig-Pen: Multiple characters notice he has an odor problem. His T-shirt and orange shorts are noticeably filthy, and he hasn't showered in weeks, possibly months.
- The Speechless: He never speaks in the story and can only communicate with gestures and grunts. It's implied his vocal cords may have been damaged at some point.
- Villain Protagonist: He is a sadistic murderer and pedophile who spends his time victimizing everyone he comes across.
- Would Hurt a Child: Chapter 3 reveals that Petrol molested two adolescent girls in middle school. In chapter 4, he kills Billy and Tessa—the latter of whom was also raped by him.
Cham's Group
Oslyn "Cham"
- "What I've heard is that chivalry gets you nowhere. Dog-eat-dog world, all that shit."
A conniving scavenger who frequently wanders looking for more stragglers and supplies for her group.
- Affably Evil: She's the main antagonist in chapter 2, but she's quite understanding and isn't needlessly ruthless like some of the other drifters in the country.
- Arc Villain: For chapter 2. She's the only character who runs into all three drifters, using her skills to rob two of them and attempting to recruit the third.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: She acts very sweet around strangers so they'll lower their guard around her and give her time to exploit their weaknesses.
- Mauve Shirt: She gets the most amount of characterization out of everyone in her group and lasts longer than one scene. Nevertheless, she isn't important to the plot, and she's killed off at the end of chapter 2.
- Mirror Character: Stix. Both of them are sociopaths who pretend to act nice around others to get what they want, are implied to be kleptomaniacs, have little reaction to their acquaintances dying, and are outsmarted by someone they tried to rob and have their throats slit.
- Slashed Throat: How Stix kills her.
Charcoal
- "Ah said no fawkin’ stragglas!"
An oversized, armored member within the group.
- Big Fun: He's a jolly but cautious big man who allows Petrol to join the group after assuming he's a trustworthy person.
- Killed Offscreen: According to Oslyn, he was ripped apart by the giant bugs when a horde stormed their campsite.
- Manly Gay: He's a big, brutish man who isn't shy about letting others know that he's had other men perform fellatio with him.
Patch
- "We ain’t dead yet, big man. S’all that matters."
A one-eyed trader who handles all of the group's supplies and weapons.
- Eye Scream: Patch lost his left eye a while before the story began. Petrol kills him by stabbing him in his right eye.
- Gutted Like a Fish: Petrol disembowels him with a knife seconds before he kills him.
Maggie's Group (spoilers)
In General
A surrogate family that used to travel around with various other survivors.
- Horrible Judge of Character: All of them willingly let Petrol into their group, not suspecting that he's actually a ruthless killer as well as a pedophile.
- Walking Spoiler: It's difficult to talk about Maggie's group without mentioning that they're all killed by Petrol.
Maggie
- "Language."
The surrogate mother figure of the group.
- Driven to Suicide: Subverted. Petrol hands her a gun with one bullet, expecting her to kill herself before the bugs do. She shoots at Petrol instead.
- Killed Offscreen: She's last seen bleeding out on the ground with a horde coming after her. If she wasn't ripped apart by the bugs, she most likely died of blood loss.
- Taking You with Me: When Maggie is mortally wounded by Petrol, she uses the sole bullet in her handgun to try and kill Petrol as opposed to giving herself a quick and painless death.
- Team Mom: She acts like Billy and Tessa's mother, keeping them safe at all times and making sure they don't swear. Even as she's bleeding out on the ground after Petrol shoots her, she begs Petrol to spare the kids instead of herself.
Kyle
- "Cute kids, eh?"
The surrogate father figure of the group.
- Boom, Headshot!: Petrol kills him by shooting him in the forehead.
- Papa Wolf: The moment Kyle finds out that Petrol is a pedophile, he threatens to kill him if he doesn't come clean and agree to leave the kids alone forever.
- Team Dad: He acts like Billy and Tessa's father, keeping both kids in line and making sure they know how to protect themselves with guns. When he finds out Petrol is a pedophile, he even tells them to go to sleep outside so he can confront Petrol without the kids seeing or hearing anything unpleasant.
- Too Dumb to Live: Kyle was fully aware that Petrol was a pedophile and had his sights on Tessa, but instead of immediately killing him or incapacitating him, he tries to get the man to confess to raping children. Petrol ends up stealthily killing Kyle while he's being questioned.
Billy
- "Now who’s stupid?"
The young boy that Maggie and Kyle take care of.
- Keet: Billy is a hyperactive, noisy nine-year-old who always seems to be hopped up on caffeine.
- Kill the Cutie: He and Tessa are the most innocent characters in the story, and they're both killed by Petrol.
- Killed Mid-Sentence: His neck is broken while he's busy talking to Petrol.
- Neck Snap: How Petrol kills him.
- Surprisingly Sudden Death: Petrol kills him very quickly and disposes of his body before anyone can find it.
Tessa
- "Billy's being all sad because he can't shoot straight."
The adolescent girl that Maggie and Kyle take care of.
- Kill the Cutie: She and Billy are the most innocent characters in the story, and they're both killed by Petrol.
- Killed Offscreen: She's raped and murdered by Petrol off-screen, shortly after he kills Billy.
- Rape Discretion Shot: Tessa is last seen sleeping in a tent, moments before Petrol crawls inside of it. Nothing is outright stated or described, but it's obvious that he sexually assaulted her.
Other Characters
Five Strikes
- "Animals do whatever the fuck they want because they can or because it's instinctual. You sit here asking all these questions—why do I have this helmet, why don’t I talk much, why did I micturate in my shorts. And you think because I'm human that there's some deeper philosophical meaning behind everything, when in reality the answer is very simple."
A chubby, apathetic, helmet-wearing drifter who sees humans being no different from animals.
- Ambiguously Human: Five Strikes might be a mutant in early stages of transformation, considering his eyes are almost entirely red and his pupils are discolored.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": His real name isn't given. The term "Five Strikes" refers to the five tally marks on his red football helmet.
- Fat Slob: Five Strikes is an obese man who doesn't bathe, is covered in filth, and is content with pissing his shorts and farting around other people.
- Potty Failure: He pisses his shorts while sitting in Buzz's van simply because his bladder was full and he was too lazy to ask Buzz to pull over.
- The Stoic: He never shouts or shows any emotion in his appearances.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: All he wears is a football helmet and a pair of red shorts.
Bear
- "So that's what this is about. You think I'm gonna fuck some street rat."
A biker on the run from a hostile motorcycle gang.
- The Bear: Hence his name.
- Bruiser with a Soft Center: It's implied that Bear is secretly lonely and just wants a lover to spend time with. Problem is, most of the people he forms a relationship with have a habit of dying or leaving him.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": "Bear" obviously isn't his real name, but given his appearance...
- Manly Gay: He's a muscular, hairy, aggressive, shotgun-wielding biker who's secretly homosexual.
- Undignified Death: He's shot in the back while he's sleeping and naked from the waist down, just half an hour after having sex with Stix, who then euthanizes him and leaves his body to rot.
Kim
- "You a nineties baby too?"
A young woman who seems to embrace nostalgia from The '90s.
- Action Survivor: Kim's first appearance is her springing a trap on Stix while his guard is down, all while she's carrying a shotgun. She never uses it, but clearly she knows how to handle herself despite not being a full-fledged badass.
- Nice Girl: Kim's definitely one of the nicer characters in the story. She only shows hostility to Stix after he breaks into her house and tries to rob her.
- Took a Level in Cynic: Implied. Kim used to believe that no matter how bad the world got, she believed she could fix the world, just like her favorite cartoon character Kim Possible would all the time. Then the apocalypse happened, and she saw just how flawed her optimistic dream was.
Kozarr
- "Ain't that...ain't it some shit! Back in our day, people killed...what? How-how many people died over all that shit you saw in my cabinet? How much money...how much you think it’s worth now?"
A scale-riddled mutant who spends his time doing drugs.
- Addled Addict: He's addicted to several drugs, namely heroin. The moment after he invites Buzz into his hideout, he starts doing heroin, and tries to get Buzz to join.
- Boom, Headshot!: How Buzz kills him.
- Humanoid Abomination: He's covered in scales and has a snake-like tongue. Nevertheless, he's not a full-on bipedal reptile; he's still semi-human, but in later stages of a reptilian mutation.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: He can't go more than two sentences without blurting out profanity.
