The Final Countdown to Destruction! Rika Liveblogs Vs. Sailor Moon Legend of Zelda!!

arcadiarika

Part 1: A Really Fucked-Up Beginning

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, this is the final liveblog for the Mykan Saga, so collectively named for the ability to liveblog four of Mykan's works, including this one in particular. As per usual, no celebrities or fanfic writers were harmed in the writing of this liveblog. Also, this fanfic will be a light "R" due to mentions of unsavory stuff, violence, and overall insanity. And as a fair warning, this liveblog will cover two chapters at a time, so I do apologize if the final arc seems a bit rushed.

Please do enjoy, and I do also apologize for how some of the characters are written. Oh, and even though the fanfic does use the English dub names, they will still be referred to the original Japanese names in the arc, while I use the dub names during the recaps. Just so you know.

UPDATE: MOST OF THE FANFIC HAS BEEN DELETED, AND THUS THE LINKS WILL NOT WORK! I REPEAT! THE LINKS WILL NOT WORK!


(in Mykan's lair, Rika slowly wakes up, coughing)

Rika: ...wha...

(she finds herself chained up)

Oh, hell. I seriously didn't expect this!

...

To think, they can keep me locked in forever. Pft.

(and then Mykan arrives)

Mykan: So you're awake.

Rika: Mykan...is this...

Mykan: My lair? Oh, yes. It will be your new home from now on. For, you see, I have big plans for you.

Rika: Big plans? I'm pretty sure it's the same as everyone else. Trying to break me. Guess what? It ain't working.

Mykan: And yet, you underestimate what I can really do. You'll see soon enough.

(he flicks his wrist)

I plan to delay the inevitable for you. The day where you'll serve my true purpose...for now, I'm going to give you a little warm-up.

Consider it the gateway to despair.

(he hands Rika another tablet)

Rika: Lemme guess, it's another shitfic?

(Mykan can only give a dark glare)

Mykan: They're just fictional stories. But no matter...

(he leaves, and as he heads to the control room...)

Computer. It's time to give my army some training. And then...we'll start to take over Japan.


Rika: Just my damn luck...well, might as well.

Welcome, livebloggers and readers, to quite possibly one of the biggest liveblogs ever. And I mean it: we have 52 fucking chapters to cover.

So what's it about? Well...thankfully, this time around, this won't be a punishment fic. Instead, it will be like the first time I liveblogged one of Mykan's works: a shit-ass crossover.

It's a crossover, specifically, of Sailor Moon and The Legend of Zelda. Everyone knows the stories of both of those. But let's just say...Mykan, somehow, found a way to re-interpret every single damn thing about both franchises.

And since it's also about the time when the former franchise will have an anime reboot, I feel it's fitting to start off the new year by liveblogging this.

So. From the batshit insane mind that brought you so many liveblogs comes...Sailor Moon Legend of Zelda.

And it all begins now with...

Chapter 1: A Tragic Beginning

We begin with what we always do: a damn prologue.

"Ten-Thousand years ago… In a galaxy far, far away, there was mystical planet called, Legora, home to many unusual and spiritual creatures, all watched under the magical eyes of one, Princess Zelda of the central kingdom of Hyrule, and her noble hero Link."

Wait, hold the shit up. "Legora"? Look. I've played some of the Zelda games, first starting off with The Legend of Zelda Four Swords Anniversary Edition, that one game I downloaded (for free, even!) on the DSi. I'm pretty damn sure "Legora" is not even the name of the world Hyrule is even located. Plus, Hyrule's a country as well.

That said, though, I know that there are several worlds in the Zelda mythos. Those are the Light and Dark Worlds from A Link to the Past, Termina in Majora's Mask, and Lorule in A Link Between Worlds. I have no idea where this location of Hyrule falls in those worlds.

Anyway, one day, Ganondorf, henceforth referred by me as "Ganon" because I'm lazy as shit, decides to attack Hyrule in the hopes of gaining a little something called "the power of the gods". You mean the Triforce, right? Unless if Ganon here somehow obtained the Triforce?

At least, I hope it's the Triforce?

Naturally, Link and Zelda will have none of that. Gathering the Six Sages—pay attention to those guys, they will become important later—and preparing the rebellion, Ganon managed to succeed in getting some of the powers. Somehow. Yeah, I have no idea how he managed to do that. Regardless...he was sealed away to the Sacred Realm after wrecking Hyrule's shit up something nasty.

(Rika then notices that mention about a villain being sealed)

...hahahaha.

(then cue a flashback)

Past!Rika: "Well, you guys forgot to put a lock on the damn thing, didn't you? If so, you're easily as incompetent as the guys who forgot to put a lock on Dai Shi's prison. Plot-Induced Stupidity doesn't even begin to describe it."

(flashback ends!)

Rika: Yeah, I'm not even going to dignify that shit with another permutation of that saying.

Zelda only has enough strength to send Link into space, with some of the typical gear he would need. You know, just in case if the villains ever dare to seek revenge. Which, you know, I can't think of a reason why they shouldn't!

For years, he remains in suspended animation, waiting for the time where he's needed again. Wait a tic...that sounds very somewhat familiar. Except for the "being sent into space" thing.

We cut to the present, where, after her defeat, Queen Beryl is trying to gather the powers of everything, including her dead allies, in order to bring herself back to life. She would do this by growing so strong, she would rip a hole through dimensions.

And apparentally, she managed to go through different dimensions, since she arrived in the Sacred Realm. I would question as to how the hell she managed to do that, but I remember one thing.

Namely, when my own character, Catherine, became a spirit of the ocean, she had the ability to go through all those different dimensions, gaining free reign to go to any sort of oceans, seas, whatever. Of course, it did help her case that a sea goddess granted her the ability.

But anyway.

At the Sacred Realm, before Beryl becomes strong enough to enact her plan, enter Ganon. Who attacks her from behind. I'm sorry, but what? One would think that the two would decide to team up and enact their plans.

Then again...this is setting up for a Hijacked by Ganon thing, ain't it?

(Rika looks)

Beryl introduces herself to Ganon, and she isn't happy that he attacked her. And we get this.

Ganon: "You look more like a beaten up corpse in a skirt to me...!"

Somehow this makes me imagine Beryl as either A) a skeleton wearing her outfit or B) a zombie. And yeah, I know she's a spirit, but...

Predictably, Beryl gets pissed, and before she attacks him, Ganon attacks her in return. Blasting her to the point where her entire torso is destroyed. And he follows that up by grabbing her, introduces himself, and absorbs her powers to the point where it, and I quote, "destroyed her forever".

Okay. That...scenario raises one important question. Namely this little bit. How can you kill someone who's already fucking dead? I mean...come on.

And so, this chapter ends with Ganon, now with more enough power, ready to seek revenge. And we get our Author's Note, where Mykan knows that before the Doom Tree saga (the first saga that kicks off the season Sailor Moon R, by the way), the Sailor Scouts lost their memories. (And as another note, this 13-episode arc is anime-only, as the manga—which I've read a bit—doesn't have that.) So he decides to skip that.

...honestly...I don't have much complaints about this chapter. Sure, there are plot holes, but Ganon's a biiiiiiit in-character. Namely, him hijacking Beryl is exactly what you would expect him to do.

So does it mean that this story won't suck as the previous three did? Well, let's find out.

Chapter 2: A Hero is Reborn

The chapter begins with Serena (or Usagi if you guys prefer the Japanese names) shrieking. Why is she shrieking? You guessed it, because she's going to be late to class. It just goes on to describe her day...

  • She flunked her test, which means that she would have to be with study buddies at the Cherry Hill Temple. And for extra credit, she would need to get a workout at the gym. Oh, and she didn't study, but rather played at the arcade.
  • Just when things can't get any worse, Darien (or Mamoru) gives Serena an e-mail, letting her know that he has to work longer at the cafe, and thus would have to postpone the date.

...damn, this is...relatively decent. I mean, yeah, I know that Serena and her friends try to live their lives as normal girls after Beryl's destruction, but...I'm starting to think it's going to be really, really good!

Cut to Ganon's new fortress, where our villain tries to think of ways to, you guessed it, take over the universe.

M. Bison: OF COURSE!

Rika: And after an unintentional gender-change there, Ganon tells his army that he knows damn well he will never get the other two pieces of the Triforce. Knowing what happened in the past games when he tried to get the pieces, or a lazy way of explaining the changes in goal, especially since he has so much power to absolutely curb-stomp the shit out of Link? You decide!

Speaking of, despite the fact that he does have a lot of power when he absorbed all of Beryl's, he still needs more. This is probably Mykan's way of explaining how we would need some filler, ain't it? Enter his servant (and hopefully the one that breaks that stupid "servant turns into the Starscream" thing Mykan oh-so-fucking loves), Phantom Ganon, or as I'd like to call this one, Ghost!Ganon.

Anyway, Ghost!Ganon has an idea. As they speak, they chose the Monster of the Chapter, Wolfos, to steal energy. How is that going to happen? Well, let's find out.

...

(Rika reads on)

...

(Rika facepalms)

Turns out that Wolfos is disguising himself as a teenager called Wolf Saeki, and he's working with Darien. Oh, and Tuxedo Mask himself even turns a blind eye to the really obvious name, complimenting him on his work. And yes, Wolf(os) makes his own coffee from scratch. I'm sure it'll turn out to be all damn well!

"Business sure seemed to be working fine that saw so many customers at once, not even if they were busy."

...bwuh? And this will not be the last time this type of a mindfuck is written like this.

After Wolf(os) gives the customers the coffee, Darien asks him if he can take over the shift. Of course, the guy who is most definitely not a villain accepts it.

"Sure boss, whatever you say boss." said it when he was called boss. It really made him feel like a big man around these parts.

...

And this isn't one of those crazy-ass sayings, like when Mykan says "bet your boots" in Cyborg Davis, or this shit in yet another punishment fic (that, I hope to God, I will never liveblog), Hatred.

"Hold onto your seats and DO NOT read this chapter before bed. It's going to wind your keys so tight you'll want to take off like a rocket!"

When it comes to grammar, it's baffling with the amount of things that make it sound like bad Engrish, or in so many other cases, the lack of fucking spaces between words. In fact, earlier on in this chapter, the words between "Darien" aren't even spaced. And, by the way, this goes on and on for God knows how many chapters.

  • Take a shot every time you don't see Darien's name not being spaced between other words.
    • Take two shots when you do see Darien's name spaced properly.

And as it turns out, the coffee makes people lose their energy from the moment they leave the cafe. As a result, so many customers faint, and some do faint in the middle of the street. Uhhhhhh...

...

Also, now that I think about it, this sounds so damn familiar. When I read the manga, I did see a few plots where the villains try to take the energy from victims. If so...laziness much, Mykan?

After a scene where Ganon absorbs all the energy and places it into a cauldron, cut to the Cherry Hill Temple. Where it's getting very unusually hot.

"They even had the nerve to loosen some of their clothes."

(cut to Rika, wearing the biggest "what the fuck?" expression on her face)

What the fuck am I reading? Also, Mykan, buddy. Didn't I see this little number on your profile?

"(Porn, Drugs, and Alcohal are for losers)"

First, you broke the third part when you had Davis drunk off his ass in Cyborg Davis, only for him to get run over by a(n exploding) car and reconstructed as an android. Now...um...

...

................................

.........................................................................

I got nothing.

Rei (or Raye in the English dub—interestingly, Mykan decided to use the Japanese name for Sailor Mars. INCONSISTENCY AHOY!) apologizes to the group, not knowing where the heat's coming from. And it's been happening for a few days.

Serena and Raye (thus naming her by the English name because I <3 consistency, and Mykan does not) fight until Lita (or Makono) stops them. Amy (or Ami) agrees, and just when they're about to study again, Raye's grandfather tells the group that Darien called Serena.

With that, Serena dashes out, and the girls later follow. Oh, and after she says that there would not be any boring homework for tonight, we get this from Artemis.

Artemis: "Sometimes I wonder why she even was born if she just wants to laze about."

(Rika just blinks)

Considering that Mykan decided to skip the part where the Sailor Scouts lost their memories and decided to be normal girls, that just makes me scream out, "what the hell, Artemis?"

In fact, I'll just stop the liveblogging there for a minute and share with you guys why I decided to join the Sailor Moon bandwagon. As a kid, I'm not sure if I have seen the show, but I've heard of it. It didn't really pique my interest until I was older.

Jump ahead to about 2013, and while I was no longer active in the roleplaying scene, I still talk to the other roleplayers daily. One of them likes the Sailor Moon series, and I wondered how I could get into it. It was either going to be through the anime or the manga. I ended up choosing the latter, and yes, I do realize how different the anime and manga are, in terms of storylines and the like.

2013 was also the same year where the Nostalgia Critic reviewed the show. Let's get this out of the way. I respect other people's opinions. But while there were a few bright spots, like when he discussed Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune being changed from lesbians in the Japanese original to cousins in the dub, I...didn't really care for the review in general.

I read an editorial later on about how sexist the review was, and I gained a clear understanding on what Serena/Usagi was like. Yes, she's a coward. Yes, she's described as lazy. But! In the long run, it's actually okay, for she's a good character, a kind-hearted young woman who fights for what's right. Who fights for justice.

To me, Serena/Usagi is the type of character I can root for. A regular person who, while inexperienced at first with crimefighting, quickly becomes a mature young woman with flaws that are, ultimately, working for her character. Not against it. Of course, the manga and the anime, among a few others, have wildly different interpretations for the character. Really.

I'm the type of person who defends shows when other people play them wrongly. I've done it with Super Sentai and Power Rangers in Super Sentai vs. Power Rangers and Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger vs. Power Rangers Samurai because they're two franchises I admired so much. I've done it with Digimon and Teen Titans, despite never caring for those two shows.

...where was I on my liveblogging? Oh, yeah!

Mina (or Minako) glances at a mysterious stranger, falling instantly in love with him. In fact, all the girls go gaga over him, to the point where Mina and Lita fight over who would get him...until he's gone. Raye feels that there's something very unusual about the guy.

We get another scene of Link walking up to a temple, bowing to a stone. He prays for the gods to bless Zelda, as he's doing this mission and surviving for her sake. To be honest, it's kinda heartwarming.

Too bad that later on down the line, it will get all shot down to hell.

Later on, after Serena and Darien watch a movie, they plan to head to the cafe for some coffee...until Wolf(os) arrives, and they see lots of customers down on the ground. Wolfos drops the act, and transforms into his true form, telling the duo that Wolf Saeki doesn't exist.

...yeah, we kinda figured that.

Serena and Darien transform into Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask, respectively. After the former says her famous "In the Name of the Moon" speech, the fight begins, with Darien telling his lover to call the other Sailor Scouts.

After a scene where Link grabs a sword, and some more scenes of the other Sailor Scouts joining the fray and Ganon watching from his lair, let me make this short: most of the Sailor Scouts and Tuxedo Mask have their asses handed to them. Seriously.

Serena and Raye are left, and they try to defeat Wolfos by doing a fusion attack—the Moon Tiara Boomerang infused in fire. It seemingly does the trick, but Wolfos uses a shadow attack to strike Raye down.

Serena's left, and Darien tells her to run. But she refuses, saying that she won't leave him or the others. Damn. As Wolfos prepares to unleash the final strike, beams of light attack the creature. You have three guesses as to who the hell did this.

Turns out it was Link. And what does he do? To make that a long story short, he curb-stomps Wolfos. By the way, prepare to see a lot more of that.

As Ganon laments over the plan not working and realizing that Link's alive and well, he heals the group with the ocarina. Oh, and a glow on his hand shines. FORESHADOWING!

Luna and Artemis arrive, seeing the mysterious man. He tells them that, if they have questions, they would need to follow him, for the worst is yet to come. And so, our chapter ends with the group following Link, and Ganon realizing that not only is the guy alive, but there may be something more to the Sailor Scouts.

...well, I will say this. My interest for this fanfic has dropped. What started as a promising idea is turning out to be...bleh. So join us next time to see if things are going to get worse.


(in Mariner Bay...)

Catherine: (is on a cell phone) What?! Yes...I see. Are you sure? How would he—oh. I understand...

...

I'll be on my way. Thank you.

(she closes her cell phone, and she finds Michael, practicing with a training dummy)

Michael?

(Michael turns around)

Michael: Yes, Mom?

Catherine: ...this is really important. Mykan's back.

Michael: Seriously?! What does he want this time?

Catherine: We'll talk about it on the way to Japan...that's where he will strike.

(she pauses, remembering the times her son went through the bad future)

...unless if you want to go. I mean...I understand how that may have—

(Michael gives a reassuring hand on his mother's shoulder)

Michael: Mom, you worry too much. I'm going. He will pay for what he did to us!

(Catherine gives a small smile)

Catherine: Very well. Michael, pack your bags...we're going to Japan with the others!

(the two head off, preparing themselves for what's likely one of the hardest missions they will ever do)

What plans does Mykan have for the Sailor Moon world? Will there be any out-of-character moments in the fanfic? And will Rika ever experience any other good things for the fanfic?

The light of the moon is the message of love. So find out next time on the next Rika Liveblogs Vs. Sailor Moon Legend of Zelda!

Comments

Well! This is gonna suck! Hooooo boy... can't wait for the next installment.
ReikoKazama 13th Jan 14
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/lb_i.php?lb_id=13895626510B73608200