When we last left off the story, the Manic Pixie Dream Girl begins her job of improving the kid’s drab life by conveniently moving into the Big Fancy House next to his old shabby shack. Not sure how the rural placement works, but hey, who cares, it just serves to twist the knife in the end.
The burning continues
So we then hear from May-Belle that she tortures the Barbie dolls so... I guess she gets a mercy point there. And then Leslie’s father comes in and... Oh fuck. It’s Mesogog! Why are the fathers past villains? Why do I know them!? Back to the bickering sisters. I swear, this is gonna turn into King Lear fast. Oh, and the Token Mini-Moe is also our D.W. J. To the O. To the Y.
And of course, because we need to know that this kid’s life is shit, the T-1000 then sides with May-Belle. There’s also a scene where Jesse peaks in the garden shed where his father is spending time with May-Belle. All I’m thinking is this: “Father, you never loved me!
” Back to school.
Oh hey, it’s the other Manic Pixie Dream Girl, though she doesn’t really play one here. Instead she plays the Hot Teacher that will supply us the supposed romantic subtext that caused this book to be challenged. Except that doesn't happen. At all. She, along with Leslie, is perhaps the only nice person that has been ever kind to Jesse in this entire film so far. So... the only adult female that is kind to the main character, and the relationship is (wrongly in this case) interpreted as love. Why are the Evangelion comparisons so easy to make? And then they sing “Why Can’t We Be Friends”, which I don’t know if it was picked intentionally or not. Then again, this was always my favourite use of the song.
Back to the house of Lear-1000, and we have further confirmation that they’re poor. And... Huh, in both my viewings, I always thought that Jesse’s dad was giving him a Death Glare. Well, there goes a joke I prepared for that. Back to school! Yeah, this is becoming very cyclic. “We focus on home, now we focus on school, now we focus on home, now we focus on school.” I know this is Slice of Life and all, but a little variety would be nice. Especially since it just keeps hammering the same. Damn. Point. We get it. His life’s shit and we need someone whose Too Good for This Sinful Earth to show him the way to happiness.
Miss Myers: Self-contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, by Leslie Burke.
Sorry, could you say that again? Because I think I heard “Self-contained Foreshadowing Tragedy Device”. Sorry, when I rewatch movies, I tend to pick up these little quips and interpret them as foreshadowing. For all I know, this could be what the writers (author or screen writer, take your pick) were trying to say. I mean seriously, you can take almost every line from Leslie’s poem, and it winds up being tied into the big moment later in the movie. Watch.
Leslie: I check my air. I don't have as much time as I need to see everything, but that is what makes it so special.
Oh God, perhaps this is becoming to me what Seven Pounds is to Matthew. I’m now thinking of making a joke similar to his “so now we play the bloody waiting game” joke. I guess this point is another place to give mercy points, since it sort of did feel very smart for the movie to do that. And symbolic, but then again, anything can be symbolic. Well, let’s get back to the chase, shall we? After a brief exchange, Leslie is made the laughing stock for the irredeemable sin of {gaaaaaaaaaaasp} not having TV! BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUUUM! Okay, I guess I can give it a mercy point for this exchange.
Leslie: My dad says the TV kills your brain cells.
Scott Hoager *: Your dad doesn’t know anything, we watch TV like, every day!
Leslie: I rest my case.
Then she decides to sit at the back of the bus, which was where Janice, formerly Random Bully #365525600, sits. Naturally, she isn’t pleased and a brief struggle occurs. Well, I think that now Leslie has shown to Jesse that her life can suck too in school, a stronger bond might be attained. Oh, and Leslie is pretty much a troll. Yes, I do mean the modern usage. More foreshadowing as Leslie hands some of her Barbies to May-Belle as a sort of “pre-mortem will”. Makes me think if she knew of her death in advanced. Could make a lot of sense in the long run.
And finally, after twenty damn minutes of the same old shit, same old song and dance, we finally get to a point that the trailers have shown us! The race that leads to the discovering of the threshold to the fantasy world! Oh, there’s another Pet-Peeve Trope that I was introduced via this... Twenty Minutes with Jerks. Nice to know that Transformers wasn’t my first encounter with it. Fourth warning sign: It takes way too long for the fantasy element to show itself in some form beyond simple concept art.
When I was first watching this, I actually felt like something went horribly wrong, even before things went horribly wrong! When you feel like you’re watching a completely different movie from the one you’re told about and you didn’t ask for it or otherwise get interested in it, that’s a good sign that This Is Gonna Suck! Running montage because why the fuck not. They already scammed parents into paying money to see what they think is an innocent fantasy film that is similar to Narnia, might as well have fun with the trolling.
Jesse: What about sharks? You see any sharks while your scubaing?
Oooooooooooooh, funny cross-film aneurysm moment! That’s so sick and nasty that I’m giving it a mercy point. Anyways, she tells Jesse the wonders of being Mr. Imagination. More foreshadowing from Mr. Rope, and our part ends with Merrill following his dead mother’s advice of swinging away.
