A King of Shreds and Patches
We begin with a full-page spread of Kevin shooting targets at a gunnery range. Pit is on-hand to fellate the Mary Sue some more. Lana enters, wearing a ball gown and berates Kevin for not getting ready for her birthday party. On the next page, Kevin asks about how time works in Videoland, like how they have birthdays and so forth. Well, that might lead to something interesting, so naturally Lana ducks they question by saying that "it's fun."
While Kevin promises to be there on-time to have the first dance with her, we see Samus skulking outside, nursing that crush on Kevin (*groan*). Meanwhile, Kevin and Pit are attacked by some random monsters. One of them flies through a wall and knocks Kevin into a garbage chute.
Lana and Samus appear; Lana exposites that Kevin was sent to Garbageworld. Samus asks what that is, because Kevin's too busy getting a first-hand look to be our infodump boy. Garbageworld is exactly where it sounds like: where all trash in Videoland goes. Oh, so this is the part of Videoland that corresponds to Action 52.
Apparently, Garbageworld is a lot like the Happy Zone; people go in, but it's hard to get them out. But Samus just so happens to have a portable Time and Relative Dimensions In Space device. What the hell? Where the hell was her fucking TARDIS when Lana was taken to the Happy Zone?
Oh, but that's not all. Here's Samus's plan, "I can go into the garbage chute, warp myself forward in time a little, catch up to Kevin just as he lands on garbage world-" stop right there. Kevin went first; if you want to "catch up" to him as he arrives, you need to go backwards in time, not forwards.
Wow, you fucked up time travel on the same panel you introduced it. How efficient of you.
Samus shows up in Garbageworld, where there are whole buildings and so forth. She then sees Pit being assaulted by monsters, and Samus wonders how he screwed up so badly as to beat her here. So she jumps in to save him, while hurling abusive names at him. Hey, I knew there was a reason I liked this Samus. However, the monsters are all quickly killed off-screen by... guess who? That's right, our Mary Sue.
He's sporting a headband and stubble, and looks noticeably older now. He's leading an army of small robots when he sees Samus. Apparently, Samus's TARDIS was defective, as it sent her 15 years instead of minutes into the future. Samus is rather non-plussed about the screwup, but then Kevin kisses her. And suddenly grows half-a-foot, as he's taller than her now (and only in this panel, so he didn't grow in the 15 years). Or he jumped on her to give her that kiss.
Cut to an assembly of the "Garbatrons," where he introduces Samus as their new Queen. Um, OK. She asks about Kevin's change of heart, as he clearly preferred Lana before now, but he doesn't live in the past, having learned to seize the now. Samus asks what he would do if he could go back, but he says that it doesn't matter. He has a kingdom to run now, the last free kingdom in Videoland. Samus realizes that he's become more of what she wanted, but he's clearly unhappy. But having more drive than he does, she decides to start building a real empire.
Cut to Samus in front of her mirror, where she's planning to build a spaceship tomorrow. Damn, girl dreams big. Pit shows up again, and it should be noted... he looks exactly the same as he did before. No effort was made to actually age him or anything. Pit asks about her TARDIS, pointing out that she can undo all of this. But she doesn't want to; she's got the Kevin she always wanted, and they can build a new future.
So Pit tells her about everything that's happened in Videoland since she left. Lana disappeared, much like her father, and Mother Brain destroyed the palace. So I guess she didn't want that room of warpzones then. Pit spent years looking for Kevin, but Kevin decided to exile himself to Garbageworld. In short, he lost his drive. Samus dismisses this, saying that he's here, with her. Pit then says, "Let him decide! Or do you only care about yourself?"
Keep that up and you might become a real boy someday, Pit.
Cut to Kevin, Samus, and co fighting off a bunch of monsters. Kevin lets us know that they interrupted the coronation, and Samus remarks how the fight is like old times. This gets Kevin all introspective, and the monsters sense this incoming Wangst and rapidly depart. Samus finally confesses that she can undo all of this, but Kevin just thinks that he would just screw it up again. Samus has to remind him about his promise to dance with Lana.
So Kevin tearfully asks Samus to take him back. She points out that he won't remember any of this, so she (presumably tearfully, but she's got her helmet on) asks him to hold her. And they embrace as she goes back to the moment where he fell into the warp to catch him right before he does.
Which should have been her plan to begin with.
Kevin runs off to the party, still wearing his usual outfit. He invites Samus in, but she says no, wistfully echoing, "some other time..."
Ah, the 80's cartoon version of pathos. This is a decent story in spite of itself. The first half is one contrivance after another, all for the sole purpose of setting up the central conflict. And while the central conflict is good, that doesn't mean we should have to wade through shit just to get there.
The comic further pushes on the idea of Samus not exactly being "good". Or at least, not as good as the other characters. She wants Kevin, and she was willing to have him. It was only Pit's plea and seeing how much Kevin was hurting that eventually allowed her to relent. This actually pushes things farther than the last issue, as Samus there had only about 1 panel of indecision. Whereas here she actually makes the wrong choice and has to be pulled back. Though it does conflict a bit with what she said to Lana, as she's clearly willing to settle for him even though she's a consolation prize. Maybe it's just that Samus didn't want to pull the trigger herself.
The issue even provides Kevin with some character, seeing the broken shell of a Mary Sue after failing the world he was summoned to protect. It'd have been nice to explore this more, but it works out reasonably.
The usual problems of fast pacing remain, but it works out decently overall.
Filler
We get four pages of filler today. Joy.
Page 1 gives us a history of Garbageworld, which apparently was home to an advanced civilization that buried itself in trash. So... Action 52 then. It goes on to talk about the palace the Garbatronians built for Kevin in the no-longer-existing timeline and so forth.
Next... we get a two-page spread. They're really spoiling us. But what could it be of, you ask? The "Hunter IV," Samus's ship, with some technical specifications. This was pre-Metroid II, so they can be forgiven for not being psychic, as her ship looks nothing like the Chozo-built designs we see later. It does accurately predict that Samus's ship was souped up by her and "other, unknown technicians" (ie: Chozo).
Well, that was totally worth two entire pages. Especially since we will see this ship exactly once in the next issue.
The last page of filler does the usual exposition work for the next story. We learn about "The Locker," a space station (that looks like a giant safe in space) that caters to Space Hunters. The main draw for the place is its near-infinite storage capacity, as well as top-notch security (your contents don't even exist without the key to access them).
And, as with prior works, none of the details matter in the story. They'll even take time out to explain the same stuff again in the story.
When Friends Fall Out
The story begins with a 2/3rds page spread of the Hunter IV approaching the Locker. Samus explains what the Locker is, for the people who skipped the filler one page before. Lana is needlessly testy with Samus, calling Space Hunters "pirates who hunt down other people, for the price on their heads." Well, this not being Other M Samus, she's not about to take that from some prissy, stuck-up Princess, so she pointedly reminds her that her own father made the practice legal. But she hits below the belt when she brings up the fact that he's gone.
Kevin interrupts the catfight to exposite why they're there: to get a weapon Samus has in storage. They land, and the assembled hunters give Samus a cheer. Good to see that Samus gets respect in some universe. The exposition continues as they head to Samus's storage area. See, Pit was zapped by Medusa and turned into a statue, so they're here to get some Medua Ray that Samus picked up to undo it. To recap, Pit was defeated by the boss of his own game.
That's just sad.
Samus explains how the locker's storage areas work for those who skilled the filler three pages ago. Upon entry, we see that Samus has enough gear to equip a pretty good sized formation of troops. She apparently has need for several howitzers and other artillery pieces, a helicopter (?), and even a proto-AT-AT.
While looking around, Lana finds a glowing disk that seems to surprise her in some way.
Cut to Kevin and Lana's room later. Lana lets us know what that was: the "Legendary Flame Chip". Apparently, someone offered it as the reward for the capture of her father at one point. You know, back before he was captured. So Lana clearly thinks that Samus did the deed. Kevin wants actual evidence, but Lana's convinced enough to have Samus brought up on charges.
Samus, overhearing this with super-hearing, is naturally pissed off. Kevin asks her to just explain about the whole Flame Chip thing, but she tells them to piss off and walks out.
That doesn't deter Lana in the slightest; she orders Kevin to capture Samus and bring her to trial. Kevin manages to actually show some character in that he stands up to her and says, "I am not your personal sheriff." He doesn't intend to attack her until he learns her side of the story.
So Lana hits him in the head with something, saying that her father's kidnapping will not go unavenged. Kevin wakes up to find his blaster gone, but she left his hax behind so that he can use them later.
Cut to Samus in her armor, at a bar drinking. She's musing over what to tell the others, thinking that they won't believe her, but knowing she'll lose Kevin if she says nothing. Then Lana disintegrates the glass she's hold, stating that Samus is now under arrest.
Catfight 2: This time, it's personal!
Samus kicks a table at her and tries to hit her with her ice beam. Lana dodges and is able to knock Samus down for a moment, while claiming that her father taught her to take care of herself. Which is why this fight is the most useful you've ever been. Samus somehow goes from being knocked down in one panel to grabbing her hand in another. Sure why not. Then Lana uses buttons on the outside of Samus's suit to up her oxygen dose, causing her to collapse.
OK, that was stupid, but at least she didn't get shot in the back have her armor disintegrate and have her agency stolen by a Goddamn Mary Sue no I'm not bitter!
Cut to a page of Kevin fighting people... for no real reason. No really, the guard he attacked was just annoying him, not actually impeding his progress in any way. Oh, but at least it drained his Controller of hax juice, so he'll have to make due without it.
Back at the catfight, Lana has realized a problem: she could shoot Samus, but she actually wants to take Samus alive to stand trial (and incidentally set an example to others). Samus goes round-ball on her, apparently using the Boost Ball to attack Lana faster than she can dodge. In this incarnation, it's pretty explicit that Samus is just curling up into a ball. This knocks Lana down, thus taking her out of the fight.
Samus tells Lana to surrender, but Lana tells her that she'll chase Samus 'round Good Hope, and 'round the Horn, and 'round the Norway Maelstrom, and 'round perdition's flames before she gives her up. Kevin shows up to distract Samus, thus allowing Lana to go from lying prone in one panel to performing a full-on drop-kick to Samus's face in the next. This impossible feat manages to stun Samus, and Lana runs off.
Kevin asks for an explanation again, so Samus finally clears things up. Sort of. Apparently, she was captured at some point by Fake Kraid and !Ridley and put into a brainwashing device. She woke up some time later, somehow not knowing how much time had passed. But she was on her ship and she had the Flame Chip, so she just kept it.
Lana returns, holding the Medusa Ray, ready to box Samus for shipping. Kevin gets in the way and talks her down, reminding her of how Samus has fought beside them and so forth, and asks her to have faith in Samus. Lana eventually relents, saying that she misses her father, but she's willing to have faith in her friends.
That was rather odd. Mainly because, well, Samus didn't do it. It's obvious Samus didn't do it. Even if she did, it's clear that she was under their control. Now, I understand Lana's behavior here. She's in pain; her father was taken away to who knows where. Immediately thereafter, her world turned to shit, with villain tag-teams the likes of which had never been seen and so forth. She's had to deal with a lot of shit, all while wondering if her father was out there somewhere. And now here's Samus, who almost certainly kidnapped him. Who cares if she was mentally responsible; it's high time that somebody paid for what has been done.
And I understand Samus's behavior. Samus is very independent; the idea of being used for someone else's ends is anathema to her very being. It's why she didn't just say it at the beginning, why she calls her being captured a "foolish mistake." In her own mind, she feels responsible whether she truly was or not.
The problem is that neither Kevin nor the story itself seem to recognize this. Kevin convinces Lana by appealing to faith, rather than pointing out that, even if she did, Samus wasn't in control of her actions that day.
And the writers let us know that they don't seem to get it, because the next four panels exists to exonerate Samus. On the way back to the palace, the Flame Chip reveals that it's alive in some unknown way and starts communicating with Duke. It witnessed Samus breaking out of her restraints, collecting the Flame Chip (I guess they just left it nearby) and escaping. And the Flame Chip can't talk to humans, so only Duke will ever know.
Stupid though the resolution is, I think this is probably the strongest story in the series. While a few more pages could have made it much better, it didn't feel exceptionally rushed like most of the other good stories. It's economical in its storytelling (despite having a whole page of padding). And it gives every character time to exist and breathe.
Lana gets some characterization beyond "she is more than a princess, she is a leader." It's more clear how much the loss of her father affects her here than back in The Happy Zone. Samus gets to show off a different side to her, lashing out at her friends when they discover even a hint that she was ever weak, vulnerable, or able to be used by someone. And Kevin shows that he's what keeps the team together, willing to stand up to Lana when she turns on Samus and so forth. And for once doesn't come off like a Mary Sue.
What's interesting with this issue is this. These are probably two of the best stories in the series. And yet... the villains almost never appear. In the first story, Mother Brain didn't send guys to attack the Palace with some zany scheme at getting Kevin stuck in Garbageworld; it was an accident. In the second, Pit being frozen in stone was a footnote to the real conflict in the story.
Thus showing that this comic is at its best when the villains do not appear.
