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You're only reading this because I rated the game 3/10! Let's read horrible GameFAQs reviews!
The looooong intro
Ah yes, the Game Faqs Review community! Truly a giant pool of annoyance and stupid! There are some good reviewers, like Psycho Penguin (On a good day), but for those, there are 10 other shitty reviewers.

I actually heard about one review during my dark days of traversing around the IGN Boards *Shudder*. It was a 2/10 review for Metroid Prime, which we all know is a masterpiece. I can't remember the full details, but I know that the reviewer called the environments "Rocks upon rocks", had only known of Samus through Smash Bros, and complained about her not being able to use fighting moves. It was so hated that it was taken down. I know it was done by a chap named MM, but I don't know if he changed his name or not.
Emperordaein

76.113.154.232
It's not that Game FA Qs isn't full of trolls, and it seems to be getting worse as the years wear on, but my forum experience there has always been pretty good there. For a site with such high traffic I don't believe there's anything particularly notable about how the community behaves, except maybe to cite LUE as a precursor to 4chan, but that was an isolated case.
Hadri
SuperSonic612 reviews Mario Golf (GBC)
And it's spelled "physics".
ManCalledTrue
I'm tempted to insult his character/lifestyle/mother and justify it with a 'never had a chance to meet him myself', but sinking to their level is about the worst thing I could do. Examining the article in-depth and making logical points of observation, like you're doing? That's a much better way to communicate a message. Excellent job so far, keep it up, insert other optimistic comments here.
EndarkCuli
"Allright, now let's look at "Multi-player." While I've never had the chance to try this myself, I'm sure it would suck just like every other part in this game."

I think that has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever read in a review. "I didn't try it, but it probably sucks."

Also, I love how everyone posting reviews at Game FA Qs feels the need to have a lame pun for the title.

Anyway, looking forward to reading more of this!
CaperNerd

FlanGRe
Ephraim225, I think you are on to something great. :)
Emperordaein (edited by: Emperordaein)

Adannor
matt91486 reviews Paper Mario
good god this dude was an idiot
Envyus
It's this kind of thinking that really turned me away from any sort of RPG for a while. Sure, genre conventions and tropes is one thing, but when any attempt at originality and flair, as the Mario RPGs tend to do is deemed too much of a deviation, well, then your genre probably has a problem. This liveblog is looking to become interesting, partially because I find blatant Fan Dumb hilarious.
slowzombie
I like the Paper Mario series and I can still enjoy Final Fantasy 6, partially because my tastes are varied and partially because the reason why the Mario RP Gs are so good in my opinion is that they add variety and flair, and can even get people who don't like RP Gs to play them.

This guy (the reviewer, not the liveblogger) is one of those gamers who doesn't like variety. I really don't understand people who will say a game sucks because it does something different (unless said difference is completely unrecognizable as the genre / series, which Paper Mario doesn't do, it's recognizable as a Mario RPG, unless you're blind).

As for your liveblog, it's great. I really don't get how this guy can't hit a tree with the hammer, either. Especially since most trees are in corners. I could hit flying enemies with the hammer when I was eight (it takes timing). The only area in the game I remember getting lost in was the maze to get to the castle, but that's because I forgot things easily as a kid, but at least I was able to navigate the battle menu as a wee one. For a guy who only plays TRUE RPGS he's surprisingly bad with menu systems.
AwesomeZombie22
I liked this one, mostly because I hate people who say that anything that deviates from the normal formula is NOT A TRUE GAME. The other stupidity was just icing on the cake.
gentlemanorcus
kobalobasileus reviews Scribblenauts
Kobalobading-dong complaining about not being able to do whatever the hell he wants sort of makes me die a little inside. For one, that's the point. You're supposed to be solving puzzles, and the limited resources you have to do so adds to the challenge. Another thing is that who in their right minds would only use a zombie and chicken? Wouldn't a jetpack and Excalibur be more useful as the only two items you'd have to use if you're going for a self inflicted challenge? Also, even games with a heavy emphasis on choice don't let you execute every single possible action in any given scenario.
AwesomeZombie22
A zombie and a chicken sounds like a great tool for solving any problem, I don't know what you're talking about :P

Also, out of curiosity, will you also do wrong & stupid positive reviews? Gotta be some gems there too, although, well, I guess it's true as they say, haters gonna hate.
slowzombie
I actually found Scribblenauts very disappointing myself. I went in expecting puzzles that could be solved dozens of different ways. I got a game that seemed to expect you to use about a dozen items total to solve its puzzles. Sure, it has a multi-thousand-word vocabulary... and only a dozen of the thousands of items have any use.

But this guy manages to ignore all the real problems and make himself look like a fool.
ManCalledTrue
^^ He runs the risk of losing readers if he does that badly.
SpellBlade
@slowzombie: I'm sure there are wrong and stupid positive reviews as well, but those are harder to find, because when a game is So Bad Its Horrible, Game FA Qs is usually in agreement. For once. But if I found such a review, I'd blog about it for sure.
Ephraim225
^^ In general, one does risk losing readers if one does anything badly, but yeah, I see your point.:P
slowzombie
Touchscreen movement is very much a YMMV thing. Personally, I can't think of a single game where I've preferred it over simply using the D-pad. And I *hated* it in Phantom Hourglass. Haven't played Spirit Tracks yet.
KendraKirai
By "Actiony" he means the puzzles toped being along the lines of "scare the kids" but "get past this Tornado!" Essentially substitutes for action levels. SN also has ONE crash scenario but it doesn't work out that badly.

And yeah, the controls for SN kind of were shady; it's why they changed them for SSN.

And yeah, i have to admit that Challenge mode usually just boils down to "tape/glue" "chain/rope/wire" "Pegasus/pterodactyl/roc" Just check the ign walkthrough they CAN get repetitive, although this doe make the more challenging ones all the better treats.

JusticeMan
"Except you're complaining about the plot in a freaking VIDEO GAME. Don't worry about the plot or anything, just enjoy the game! Is that so hard?"

Moffs Law, folks. Being a video game or whatever doesn't give it a free pass for criticism or analysis.
Flanker66
Yami Shuryou reviews Digimon World
Apparently he's never heard of the time-honored martial-arts cliche Meditating Under A Waterfall.
ManCalledTrue
BimmyandJimmy reviews Goldeneye (Wii)
...Wow.

SpellBlade
Anyways since I can't edit my post for some reason, kudos for having the stomach to wade through this nonsense.
SpellBlade
Well, if we needed proof George Wood wasn't actually dead, we have it here.
ManCalledTrue
The Wii's not compatible with an FPS...?

How? Because it has motion controls? That should be a point in it's favor, since you can actually aim with it, like you would a gun (of course there's differences between the two, but you get what I'm saying), and the Nunchuck would be used to walk... the D-Pad as camera...

I know I'm researching game designing, but you can't just say that! Even in the context of the "good old days", you know what else had shooting where you pointed at the screen? The Light Gun? What about the Super Scope? What about guns in arcades? You can't just make close-minded statements like that in a review!
AwesomeZombie22
^ Hell, there's a peripheral for the Wii, the Wii Zapper, designed specifically to make the Wiimote easier to use as a lightgun.
ManCalledTrue
BobtheKeeper reviews The Legend of Zelda A Link To The Past (GBA)
"THE WORST PART...THE MUSIC!"

You know what? I was almost agreeing with him. I felt that most Zelda games have improved on the previous ones. I thought LTTP was better than Zelda 1 and 2. And I thought Link's Awakening was better than LTTP (BTW: Link's Awakening cemented a good portion of the modern Zelda game's structure). And Ocarina of Time was better than Link's Awakening.

But this is where the reviewer lost me. This is 100% horseshit. Complaining that there isn't enough music diversity? Really?

Now to be honest, the dungeon music in LTTP sucks. I can't even remember any of it (then again, I can't remember the dungeon music from any of the games except the first and second). Probably because I'm too busy remembering the good music from LTTP.

Yes, it's a legitimate complaint that, due to the hardware limits of the time, they couldn't give each dungeon its own music. But it's such a minor complaint; it's not the kind of thing a reasonable, legitimate review leads off with. It's like reviewing Twilight Princess, and starting it off by bitching about how Link magically got his classic green outfit out of nowhere.

Plus, there's the fact that most modern Zelda games's individual dungeon music is far from memorable.

"So you didn't know if your magic meter being better was a GOOD thing or not?"

To be fair, Ltt P did not explain it well. The text was very unclear, I remember being confused by it myself.

You know, when I was like 10.
Korval
I stumbled upon the Ice Rod by accident.
Emperordaein
"3D IS BETTER THAN 2D"

NO.

That is the worst thing to include in a review ever. He even blatantly said he only said it to piss people off. Not to mention that he's judging a GBA port of a SNES game with modern standards. To me, that is the absolute worst crime you could possibly have as a retro reviewer, saying that it doesn't live up to modern technology! It's made even worse when you consider how any game can be good or bad, even if it's in 3D, depending on how the team works on it!

Also, I might as well say this here, but I have no idea why people say the port is bad. I'll admit, I didn't play the original, but still, it's a good game. If it's ruined because the sound quality is lower, that doesn't change the gameplay, which is what matters. Also, it's inevitable that the screen is smaller, it's a handheld.
AwesomeZombie22
No offense, but I don't appreciate how you support the assertion that LTTP is a good game... by insulting every other game in the series. I don't even know what you're talking about with rupee grinding in Wind Waker; that's got to be the one Zelda game I never had trouble with money in.
EponymousKid
"I don't even know what you're talking about with rupee grinding in Wind Waker; that's got to be the one Zelda game I never had trouble with money in."

He's talking about how, in order to beat WW, you must collect at least 3184 Rupees to pay to that thrice-damned Tingle to decode your maps to get the Triforce of Courage. At some point, you're just going to have to go treasure hunting for 200-Rupee chests. Hence the grinding.

Now, whether you consider this "grinding" or "exploration" primarily depends on whether you're playing the game the first time or the second. The first time, it felt OK to me, but it did seem very artificial. The second time, it was work. And it remains the primary reason why I cannot play the game again: I know I'll have to grind out those fucking rupees.
Korval
@Eponymous Kid: Insults? Mah boi, these are criticisms! Also, I never mentioned Majoras Mask.
Ephraim225
Korval: Oh, that. I literally never had any trouble with that. I've played that game a bunch of times and I never really felt I was "grinding". Hell, I thought it was an excuse to fill out the map and check out all kinds of cool stuff.
EponymousKid
Huh? By the time you get to that part, your rupees should easily be near the cap. I guess it might be a problem if you've been ignoring all the sidequests and islands. The real problem is fishing up the shards.
SpellBlade (edited by: SpellBlade)
Sure your rupees could very easily be near the cap, but it costs more than the cap to pay for Tingle's ridiculous prices.
Sabbo
"I guess it might be a problem if you've been ignoring all the sidequests and islands."

Caulk it up to travel time. In Oo T, for example, getting to any particular location was fairly quick with Epona and the various teleporting songs. In WW, it was not. You could travel across Hyrule field in the time it takes you to sail across a single square. Exploration, hunting down sidequests and the like, is a lot harder to justify when you have to spend a long time just sailing around a nearly-featureless blue field. Even after you get the teleportation power, it's still pretty time consuming.

Also, the game seemed to punish exploration early-on. Many of the first islands you can get to (that aren't plot-related) require items you don't have. Or they rely on phases of the moon or other information you don't know yet. After spending 5-7 minutes going to an island, only to find that there is nothing there that you can do yet, you eventually stop exploring altogether.

Lastly, there's the fact that the rewards aren't particularly interesting. You find either charts, pieces of heart, or rupees. Until you've learned of the Tingle side-quest, rupees aren't much of a reward. And while pieces of heart are fine, it's still a lot of time spent for relatively little gain.
Korval
"Sure your rupees could very easily be near the cap, but it costs more than the cap to pay for Tingle's ridiculous prices. "

Point of order: the largest wallet size in WW is 5000 rupees. Now, when you get that wallet is a good question; it's been long enough that I don't remember when you can actually get that wallet.
Korval
Caulk it up to travel time. In Oo T, for example, getting to any particular location was fairly quick with Epona and the various teleporting songs. In WW, it was not. You could travel across Hyrule field in the time it takes you to sail across a single square.

That's because Hyrule Field is a featureless tiny empty grassland. The ocean is similar, admittedly, but at least you can make out stuff and sail directly to it, so you know what's important and that it isn't empty.

Exploration, hunting down sidequests and the like, is a lot harder to justify when you have to spend a long time just sailing around a nearly-featureless blue field. Even after you get the teleportation power, it's still pretty time consuming.

Exploration doesn't open up until you get the warping power, and the placement of warp points allows you to access every tile in less then maybe five minutes at the most extreme.

Also, the game seemed to punish exploration early-on. Many of the first islands you can get to (that aren't plot-related) require items you don't have. Or they rely on phases of the moon or other information you don't know yet. After spending 5-7 minutes going to an island, only to find that there is nothing there that you can do yet, you eventually stop exploring altogether.

First of all, the moon phases only effect the placement of the ghost ship. Second, the boat keeps you from exploring until after greatfish island, and the majority of islands you encounter will either be accessible or sealed off because of plot relevance. Third, since you can make out the shape of an island from a distance, you should be able to identify the great fairy islands and avoid the generic reefs. Fourth, why would you continue to cease exploration even after you've gotten the required equipment?

Point of order: the largest wallet size in WW is 5000 rupees. Now, when you get that wallet is a good question; it's been long enough that I don't remember when you can actually get that wallet.

Tingle gives you a chart showing you where the great fairies that expand your wallet are early in the game. You can get the 1000 bag when you return to outset to find Jabu-Jabu, and you can get the 5000 bag after the warp song. This is before the earth/wind temple.

Anyways, this is all off-topic to the liveblog. We have a thread in the forums where we can continue the discussion, if you like.
SpellBlade
That a bell I hear? Cuz someone just got schooled.
EponymousKid
Psycho Penguin reviews F-Zero: Maximum Velocity
Ah yes. Psycho Penguin. Quite the big shot on the Game Faqs review front. When I wrote that comment, I had not seen his reviews for years. Looking back, that was my idiot phase. I just paid attention to him because his reviews were elaborate. (A good reviewer is Vegita. His reviews on the Virtual Boy, Gauntlet 64 and Hylide are actually very funny) He flip flops quite a bit on how elaborate his reviews are though. His Chrono Cross review is something to behold. I really want to see you do his Ocarina of Time and Mario 64 reviews (3/10 and 1/10 respectively).
Emperordaein (edited by: Emperordaein)
Indeed, that would be fun.
SpellBlade (edited by: SpellBlade)
Wow... this can barely even be called a review.

.

That aside, how do you do that quoting thingy with the blue-grey slightly indented text?
Sabbo
@Emperordaein: I saw the Chrono Cross review. Now I really want to play that game just to see if he's shitting me or not. I bet he is.

@Sabbo: Use [[quoteblock]] and [[/quoteblock]] for quote blocks.
Ephraim225 (edited by: Ephraim225)

Ephraim225 (edited by: Ephraim225)
^^That's or you could read Let's Play Chrono Cross on the LP Archive. Where The Dark Id manages to give the game a much more reasonable overview. Although some of Psycho Penguin's complaints were valid.
Emperordaein
Thanks.

Relatedly, you can use [==] to show wiki markup without the need for spaces and whatnot.
Sabbo
(The markup goes between the equals signs.)
Sabbo
You're welcome. And I found the edit button. You need to be viewing all the comments at once to see it, for some reason. i.e. This link
Ephraim225
Honestly, I'm more upset by the fact that he hates on Super Mario Advance, which was a remake of SMB 2. A remake drastically superior in every way to the original. I seriously don't know what there is to not like about that game.
EponymousKid
emagius reviews Morrowind (PC)
Methinks that guy liked Runescape. (Wherein your skills grow through repetition, such as the above attack-to-get-stronger.)

And then he assumed all RP Gs work that way. Ugh.
Sabbo
Well, Morrowind actually does work that way, but you kinda have to hit something that responds to being struck. Where did this guy get the idea that punching a wall would get him anything?
Mezzopiano
I've never played Morrowind, but I have punched a wall, and as of this writing six years later I still get aches and pains in my wrist. Hell, I actually hurt it the other day at the gym. Basically, it's a ridiculous lapse in logic to assume punching the wall is going to get you anything besides a cast.
EponymousKid
Surreal...
SpellBlade
One of those sad instances when somebody thinks they're far funnier than they really are.
TriggerLoaded
Emagius, I mean. Not you, Ephraium.
TriggerLoaded
The_Heap reviews Mario Kart Wii
Actually I can think of a few things wrong with Double Dash. The fact that the Karts handled like Shopping Trolleys, the fact that this game was AGGRAVATING AS HELL, ect.

As for character imbalances, well, we let Ike get away with it. Twice.

Thrice if you count Radiant Dawn.
Emperordaein
Don't you just love it when an asshole basically types "I'M A REAL GAMER AND YOU'RE NOT" over and over again for several hundred words?

"Casual": a word that no longer has meaning among video gamers.
ManCalledTrue
he just said mario and zelda suck he must die
Envyus
I like how this was more of a thinly veiled rant against TEH CASUALZ then a review of the game.
SpellBlade
Emperor: Seriously. Excepting the original Mario Kart (didn't have an SNES) and Wii (never got around to getting it), I've played every game in the series — Double Dash is the only one where I never unlocked all the characters or beat all the cups on every CC setting.

Hardcore gamers piss me off, mainly because games aren't a means of entertainment for them — they're a means of conquest, a way to prove their virility.
EponymousKid
"Why is Rosalina, one of the deepest and most serious characters in Mario canon"

OK, stop right there. If I recall Mario Galaxy correctly, Rosalina was basically the fairy tale Goddess of the Universe who... baked cakes for infant stars. That eventually turn into galaxies. Which are the size of solar systems at their biggest.

Rosalina's a fine character and all, but "serious"? Are you kidding? Yeah, she'd fit in right along side Christian Bale in The Dark Knight...
Korval
Have you... have you even played the game you're so ardently defending?
72.209.168.235
DetroitDJ reviews Pokemon Black
I can kind of understand the thing with the C-Gear. I'd rather have the lower screen for other things than a feature, I don't use. But that's a very minor thing, not even an annoyance, and certainly doesn't excuse this horrible... something of a "review".
Nyarly
Well, that was pure idiotic pretentiousness. And while I was wary about Castlevania Ho D's graphics at first, I soon fell in love with the game after playing it.
Emperordaein
damn this was possibly the worst reveiw yet this guy is an idiot
Envyus
I have never wanted to throat-punch someone over the internet so badly in my life. There was nothing redeemable about this moron's review. At all.
GIG
Man, I knew that GameFAQs was a big source of stupidity, but every review makes it worse and worse. How do you stand this?
SomeColorMage
He should go and play the unofficial pokemon MMO and stop writing terrible reviews. Maybe then he'll realise why there isn't an official one.
TheOneWhoTropes
I don't know. It seems to me that this guy had a single problem that really bugged him, then wrote a review about it. Your refutation of his points was basically saying that if he had fun, that's all he should do. That's a violation of ((Moffs Law}}; he has the right to contemplate his experience and complain about things that don't sit well with him.

Now granted, I wouldn't have written a 40-paragraph essay on how Pokemon has become "too social" of a game. But that bothers him, and it is his right to be bothered by it.
Korval
@Korval: I get that, and if this were a novel, he'd be in the right, but novels are read for their stories - games aren't usually played for their stories, they're played for fun and enjoyment. He enjoyed the game, but then he goes and says there's too much emphasis on multiplayer and the game is constantly nagging you to go online. Which it isn't. He also spent 80% of the review on this one problem that bugs him and did not point out anything setting B&W apart from the previous games, except for the (very small) second-to-last paragraph; this is, in my opinion, a failure of a review, especially considering B&W gave us N.
Ephraim225
"These are common for this franchise, oddly people never whine this much about Dragon Quest"

What are you talking about?

90% of people dismissing the series is retards saying it hasn't changed since the NES days
PataHikari
You know what the worst part about this review is. The reviewer is a Gamefaqs moderator. You would think that a mod would be a little less whiny but then again, another mod mocked a user who was contemplating suicide.
75.87.135.6
Eh... Pokemon does have some immersion issues; perhaps if they didn't allow you to have dupes of certain Legends in-game; but yeah Pokemon's plot is FUCKED up.
JusticeMan
JSonavil reviews Mega Man Legends 2
dear god the reviews get worse and worse this dude can't make up his mind
Envyus
He calls levels... 'boards'? Really? If I knew this guy I'd beat him over the head with a thesaurus.
SomeColorMage
I can't tell if the reviewer wants me to buy the game or not.
SpellBlade
If that review was in English, I'm Mary Tyler Moore.
ManCalledTrue
"He calls levels... 'boards'? Really?"

Yes. Back in the Atari days, that was quite common.

Of course, the Atari days were the mid-70's to early-80's, so I have no idea how this guy (who I hope to God isn't 30+ years old) uses the term.
Korval
Chunkey Simmons reviews the Nintendo DS
Holy shit... You know, someone should show him a Game & Watch Multi Screen. Dual screen games back in the 80's? It would totally blow his mind.

Also, it is possible to screw up one of the touch screens on the older models. I haven't managed to break one, but I have completely screwed up the input before.
SomeColorMage
The DS Screen may be strudy, but I am too protective of my DS to treat it with anything but the utmost care.
Emperordaein
My touch screen is rather beaten up at this point. To the point I'm afraid to play stylus-based games on it. It doesn't help that after the years I've owned it, the stylus is now sharp enough that I can probably kill someone with it.
ManCalledTrue
I keep losing my stylus because the original model's one is way too small. I don't have a lot of stylus-intensive games, but it's still annoying. I'm hoping to get a 3DS for Christmas, and I'll try to be more conscientious about that kind of thing.
EponymousKid
"What...why...why would you...why would you NEED to play a PORTABLE console on a TV?!"

You forget that this was during the early Naughties, when game developers thought that 2D was for portables. Back in those days, the only way to play good 2D games was on portables. If you like 2D games but didn't care much for portability (like me), the Gameboy Player was a Godsend (and pretty much the only reason I keep my Game Cube around since I got a Wii).

"Sometimes when I am in the heat of the game, I get to a part where I have to use the touch screen pen."

WTF? OK, I don't own a lot of DS games, but not one DS game I own has you constantly switching between buttons and the touchscreen. If the game has touch gameplay, it always has touch gameplay. And vice-versa.

Maybe I just don't by crappy games.
Korval
Yeah, again a rather... odd review, that makes me wonder if the "reviewer" actually ever used a DS or just pulled something out of his ass.

I never had problems with switching between touchscreen and buttons. When I do that often, I just put the stylus between the middle finger and the ring finger of my right hand when using buttons. I can switch easily that way.
Nyarly
and the reviews get stupider and stupider

Honestly this guys are amazing me with their stupity
Envyus
I've had problems with the touch screen, but then I cleaned it. The guy may not know either A) how to clean the touch screen or B) his own strength, so he pressed really hard and broke it.
TheOneWhoTropes
I agree with the reviewer on fragility of the screens, but otherwise...
Loid
Oh my god this is such a stupid review. One of my main gripes is how he complains about the delicacy on the screen, when I have used the charger in lack of a stylus before and scratched the screen really badly, and it still works as good as it did before I scratched it!

Also, the double screens a flaw? I took this to mean Nintendo didn't mean for the double screens to be there, except for the fact that the ENTIRE HANDHELD IS MODELED FOR IT.

Another funny thing I'd like to point out is at the beginning the reviewer says that no one had known what DS meant for a while, and a few lines later says "Dual screen," which is what DS stood for.
Reecer6
UltimaterializerX reviews Final Fantasy X-2
Let me put this out there: No matter what your opinion, you should NEVER insult...anyone, really.

But then, later:

And let us not forget about the High Summoner Yuna herself. The woman who is absolutely revered by the people of Spira has donned her own slutty outfit as well, while spending the entire game lying to herself about her true personality.

That's a funny way to spell "Ultimaterializer X".

Isn't that a little hypocritical?
Shortcake
And that's why this is installment number 13. You have a point, though.
Ephraim225
Yeah, you can tell this review was written by someone who either 1)drank Spoony's Kool-aid or 2)refuses to accept that any game past VII can be any good.
ManCalledTrue
Or 3) Both

Ulti's review here may have been awful, but I completely agree with D'Hoost's review, although I probably would have given the game a bit more than a 3 out of 10. He seems to be one of those rare good reviewers out there.
SomeColorMage
"Yeah! Adding strategic depth makes no sense!"

Far be it from me to defend idiots, but he makes a good point. Gameplay And Story Segregation may be forgivable, but it's hardly necessary. FF 7 had Materia, which was both part of the plot and gave similar levels of customizability.

Square could have come up with a similar idea that would add strategic depth without making no sense from a story/world perspective. Not doing so may be forgivable, but it's also unquestionably lazy. And a reviewer certainly should have the right to call them out on it.

"Wow. You're like that one stupid lady who thought Jynx was racist. "

I've never played FFX-2, so I have no idea if the guy is right or not. However, this does not constitute a counter-argument to his claim. If he is indeed correct about every returning female character from the previous game dressing in skimpier attire for little to no adequately explored reason, then I'd say that his point is at least potentially valid.

It's all well and good to snark at idiots; I endorse this wholeheartedly. But while you're snarking, you should at least put forth some evidence for your dismissal of their claims. Here's how it's done:

"While this would make plenty of sense in a strategy RPG, it has no place in an ATB-based battle system."

This is errant nonsense. FFIV, the very first ATB game, had spells and abilities that had different casting times. It may not have shown bars to know how long it would take, but different spells certainly did take longer to cast. Later FF games would go back and forth on casting times, and FFX-2 appears to be no different.

In short: he's an idiot.

"drank Spoony's Kool-aid"

Right. Because a review written in 2003 certainly was due to Spoony's review of the prequel to this game in 2010. Totally.

If you're going to dump random hate on Spoony for not liking the things you like, could you at least attempt to make it relevant?
Korval
Alrighty. Confession Time. I am guilty of the same kind of thing D'Hoost did. I actually have done a review of Modern Warfare 2 on Gamefaqs, giving it a 6/10. I gave it that score for the same reason as the aforementioned review. I don't think it's a bad game. I think that the gameplay is very solidly put together. I think the set pieces and level design is suberb. I think that the Multiplayer is okay, but there are just too many cheap Gamebreakers and Killstreak overload. Plus I glossed over it, simply not being a fan of online multiplayer FPS' in general.

No, I hated Modern Warfare 2 for it's story, and what it meant for the series. I don't have the time to get into it here, but I loathed it with a passion for what it represented for the series and how it took a steaming dump all over the first game. I don't think my words came out well in that review.

You can see it under this very username. I do have plans to so more reviews to practise my writing abilities. Yeah, the GF Review is Shit. But I do want to have some outlet. I might do Mother 3 or the Castlevania DS games next.
Emperordaein
Searching my own name in Google once in awhile leads to some funny results. I mean yeah that isn't one of my best reviews, but an entire page dedicated to bashing it is hilarious. Some people are just destined to die virgins, I guess.
24.0.249.207
JagDogger2525 reviews the Nintendo Wii
So, did he talk about the Wii itself at all? Because my eyes glazed over once he started talking about everything else.
GIG
GIG: Well, he said the system is great a couple of times, and I think there was some comment about the controller somewhere, but 99% of it is bitching about the games and something to do with copying things, I kinda tuned out after a while too.

I think I've figured out why there are so many bad reviews on GameFAQs, there is simply not enough money in the world to pay people to willingly moderate this stuff.
SomeColorMage (edited by: SomeColorMage)
FUN FACT! In the magazine N Gamer, they had images of the Development offices for the Smash Bros Brawl Dev Team, which was in the process of being cleared out. One notable thing was the boxes upon boxes of Gamecube controllers. It seems even the Devs liked the Gamecube controller best.

I guess you would buy the original Metal Slug if you didn't want to pay full price for Anthology. Or just wanted the first. Like me on both counts.

"The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, but the controls are too confusing"

......

Emperordaein
"Oh lord do not get me started on Smash Bros. I'm saving that for the inevitable Game FA Qs SSBB review."

Oh please let it be by some Stop Having Fun Guys. Please!
Korval
"Oh...hang on a sec...yep, approximately one month after this review was posted, Majora's Mask came out on the VC in the US."

The part that gets me is that he assumed that MM wasn't going to come out. There was a time when OoT wasn't out on VC either. And when the original Zelda wasn't out. And so on.

Did he think that Nintendo was just going to stop selling us their old games?
Korval
joselagu reviews The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D
Just so you know, there are people who have had this game - in English - for at least a couple of days now. Early, yes, but the fault of the seller is not the fault of the buyer.
Sabbo
point still stands - a few days does not a good (non-commercial) review make. People who played the original could get to the end of this quickly, but somehow I doubt this guy did that.
TheOneWhoTropes
VinnyDaButcher reviews League of Legends
This has got to be one of the most frustrating and rage inducing games in the history of mankind. Fox News this game is not.

... What does that even mean? If he hates Fox News, does this mean that the game is more rage inducing or less than Fox News? And vice-versa if he likes Fox News.

I can't really talk about balance due to not having played the game for very long, but I don't think character imbalances can make or break a game.

They can if it's a multiplayer game. Unless you're a competitive gamer, you generally play a character because you enjoy some aspect of that character. If playing the character you enjoy makes you The Load of your team, that's not good. Your teammates don't want you playing, and you're making your team less effective.

Not that this will boost their scores very much, since they constantly lose ELO in order to play less skilled players and won't earn back much more than was lost. At least that's how I see it.

It still fucks up the game for the low-skilled players playing against them. If every third game you play is a squash-match from people you couldn't hope to take on, there's no point.

Hey that reminds me...he hasn't actually talked about the GAMEPLAY yet. So far he's talked about what other people are doing that "ruins" the experience for him. We haven't heard anything about what the game is like, what kind of game it is or how it plays.

It's a multiplayer game. The community is part of the gameplay. You can have the best game in the world, but if it's multiplayer is populated by assholes, it's not going to be a fun experience.
Korval
[-(the flamey person is Brand)-]
JackAlsworth
These reviews just bring to mind what happens when a reviewer - and I'm sure this happens to professionals too - tries to portray him/herself as "better" than the product they're reviewing.

I liked the part where you interrupted his review to point out that it was his ONLY one (so far).
BearyScary
Anyone else notice that he admits to being 30 years old and unemployed in this review? Generally not a great thing to bring up when you're trying to look smart.
Jergling
FFMrebirth reviews the Game Boy Advance
Well, that was downright shit. The only valid argument is that it was too dark. I had one of those attachable lights, didn't help much.

Also, he's clearly a fanboy of fan haters.
SomeColorMage
...Wow. I'm speechless. His arguments are so ridiculously stupid that it loops around to hilarious.

What makes this even more funny is that when clicking the link to Game FA Qs the game recommendation bar to the side was advertising GBA exclusive games.

Child's rights...*chuckles* Oh dear lord...
whizzerd
I had an attachable light, too...though the only time I got any use out of it was when my mother demanded that I went to bed immediately. My blankets were always able to cover up the one light I needed to have some post-curfew gaming entertainment...

Also, why is someone called 'Little Johnny' being pegged as a fool for buying remakes? To me, 'little' implies youth, as in "This little kid was born after those original titles became hard to acquire, and his first attempts to get into video gaming shouldn't be insulted by so-called 'hardcore players'."
EndarkCuli
Cell phone/games are making a comeback PSP Cellphone anyone?
JusticeMan
Wait, I just noticed this. Pokemon R/B better than R/S? LOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
JusticeMan
Indeed, the only valid argument is that it's too dark. But even that is exaggerated here.

Other than that... Jesus, did he even ever play with a GBA?
Nyarly
If Little Johnny is little enough that you can genuinely accuse Nintendo of infringing on "child's rights" by marketing to his ignorance via repackaging SMB 3 as a new game and convincing him to buy it, odds are he's also little enough that he wasn't playing video games when SMB 3 was released and thus wouldn't already own it. I mean, it's a thirteen-year difference. Even with Super Mario All-Stars, that was released ten years prior.
FalconPain
(Also, he gave Metroid Fusion a 9/10.)
FalconPain
Black Angel reviews Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
(Insert a normal human male's laugh.)

MadWritter
Ah its nice to see this back.
Envyus
^

Oh man, what a buttplug.
MrMallard
I happened to like the voice acting in FFX...
ManCalledTrue
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