Live Blogs You're only reading this because I rated the game 3/10! Let's read horrible GameFAQs reviews!

Ephraim2252011-04-19 00:10:18

Game FA Qs is perhaps one of the most informative Video Game websites known to man. Created in 1995, the site is a database of video game information, nearly all of which is submitted by volunteer contributors. You can find just about anything you'd want to know about any given game: walkthroughs, maps, cheats, secrets, release dates, box art, reviews...

Haha reviews

Game FA Qs is already notorious for its many Fora, the userbase of which is known to consist primarily of Trolls, idiots, console soldiers, and people too lazy to read the FAQs the damn site is named for. But that wouldn't be enough, for there is a second cesspit of hatred and lies on this otherwise awesome website - the reviews section, where users are allowed to give their opinions on a given game or system.

Maybe you've come across that one review on that one game, and something seems a little off. That is, you can't understand where the reviewer is coming from, or his spelling sucks, or maybe he didn't even play the damn game. I, Ephraim225, am here to expose the worst, most incomprehensible, unreadable, and possibly painful Game FA Qs reviews you have ever had the misfortune of hearing about.

Now, don't get me wrong, we all have opinions. Mine might be different, that's just life etc. etc....but hear me out. I've seen Game FA Qs users write good reviews before. I've seen reviews that I don't agree with but are well-written. We're here to find the reviews that will make you let out a Flat "What", among other unexpected expected reactions.

Let's read horrible Game FA Qs reviews.

Comments

AwesomeZombie22 Since: Dec, 1969

Apr 22nd 2011 at 9:17:34 PM

Kobalobading-dong complaining about not being able to do whatever the hell he wants sort of makes me die a little inside. For one, that's the point. You're supposed to be solving puzzles, and the limited resources you have to do so adds to the challenge. Another thing is that who in their right minds would only use a zombie and chicken? Wouldn't a jetpack and Excalibur be more useful as the only two items you'd have to use if you're going for a self inflicted challenge? Also, even games with a heavy emphasis on choice don't let you execute every single possible action in any given scenario.

slowzombie Since: Dec, 1969

Apr 23rd 2011 at 9:59:39 AM

A zombie and a chicken sounds like a great tool for solving any problem, I don't know what you're talking about :P

Also, out of curiosity, will you also do wrong & stupid positive reviews? Gotta be some gems there too, although, well, I guess it's true as they say, haters gonna hate.

ManCalledTrue Since: Dec, 1969

Apr 23rd 2011 at 12:58:18 PM

I actually found Scribblenauts very disappointing myself. I went in expecting puzzles that could be solved dozens of different ways. I got a game that seemed to expect you to use about a dozen items total to solve its puzzles. Sure, it has a multi-thousand-word vocabulary... and only a dozen of the thousands of items have any use.

But this guy manages to ignore all the real problems and make himself look like a fool.

SpellBlade Since: Dec, 1969

Apr 23rd 2011 at 1:24:12 PM

^^ He runs the risk of losing readers if he does that badly.

Ephraim225 Since: Dec, 1969

Apr 23rd 2011 at 3:52:16 PM

@slowzombie: I'm sure there are wrong and stupid positive reviews as well, but those are harder to find, because when a game is So Bad Its Horrible, Game FA Qs is usually in agreement. For once. But if I found such a review, I'd blog about it for sure.

slowzombie Since: Dec, 1969

Apr 24th 2011 at 5:39:45 AM

^^ In general, one does risk losing readers if one does anything badly, but yeah, I see your point.:P

KendraKirai Since: Dec, 1969

May 4th 2011 at 7:00:16 AM

Touchscreen movement is very much a YMMV thing. Personally, I can't think of a single game where I've preferred it over simply using the D-pad. And I *hated* it in Phantom Hourglass. Haven't played Spirit Tracks yet.

JusticeMan Since: Dec, 1969

Sep 6th 2011 at 9:19:38 PM

By "Actiony" he means the puzzles toped being along the lines of "scare the kids" but "get past this Tornado!" Essentially substitutes for action levels. SN also has ONE crash scenario but it doesn't work out that badly.

And yeah, the controls for SN kind of were shady; it's why they changed them for SSN.

And yeah, i have to admit that Challenge mode usually just boils down to "tape/glue" "chain/rope/wire" "Pegasus/pterodactyl/roc" Just check the ign walkthrough they CAN get repetitive, although this doe make the more challenging ones all the better treats.

Flanker66 Since: Dec, 1969

Nov 26th 2011 at 7:11:34 AM

"Except you're complaining about the plot in a freaking VIDEO GAME. Don't worry about the plot or anything, just enjoy the game! Is that so hard?"

Moffs Law, folks. Being a video game or whatever doesn't give it a free pass for criticism or analysis.