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[table of contents]
JagDogger2525 reviews the Nintendo Wii
Another hardware review. Yeah. And you want to know something? It's not slamming the Wii in favor of its competitors like you'd expect from this site. I can't even......just read.

Where are Wii? In your pants, apparently.

Yes. My rating is at 3 out of 10. If three games did not come out, two for the Wii itself and the other for the Virtual Console, I would have given this system a 1 out of 10.

Wait, just a minute. I need to consider if I have the willpower to read all this a second time....I don't, but let's continue anyways.

It is ok on some levels but just like Variaz writes in his review, "Unfortunately, I didn't really like those two games, so I went looking for new ones......and didn't find any."

Variaz? Who...oh, he wrote a review of his own. Same score as this guy.......can we do his review, instead? Please? Oh, fine. Maybe next time. If there is one.

The only games that are worth playing on this system are Mario Kart Wii, Metal Slug Anthology, and Super Mario RPG; Legend of the Seven Stars.

This is such a goddamn lie. I can name 10 other Wii games I've bought and enjoyed. Would you like me to do that?

I tried Super Smash Bros. Brawl and it is mediocre. I do not like Super Smash Bros. Brawl because it is not like its predecessor, Super Smash Bros. Melee for the Gamecube.

Oh lord do not get me started on Smash Bros. I'm saving that for the inevitable GameFAQs SSBB review.

In Super Smash Bros. Brawl, some of the characters got worse from Super Smash Bros. Melee.

"Characters were nerfed, therefore it sucks"

Mario Kart Wii is like its predecessor, Mario Kart Double Dash for the Gamecube, but the problem with Mario Kart Wii is that there is no second character in the back of the kart like Mario Kart Double Dash which stunts the two to four player actions. You cannot have a dual split-screen with four players or a single screen for two players on Mario Kart Wii. But I do not let that bother me.

Er, wow, this is interesting. Almost everywhere I look people prefer the other games over Double Dash. Not sure why this is so important to mention in a review of a CONSOLE and not the GAMES, but, let us move on...

Metal Slug Anthology. Why would you post a game on the Virtual Console if you have that exact game on a disk for THAT system? Nintendo posted Metal Slug for Neo Geo on the Virtual Console for the Wii and Metal Slug Anthology has Metal Slug as well as more Metal Slugs on that same disk.

I don't know, maybe the VC version is a more accurate port, or...why is this important, again?

That question brings me to The Legend of Zelda. Nintendo posted all the Legend of Zeldas but Majora's Mask and Ocarina of Time: Master Quest.

Oh...hang on a sec...yep, approximately one month after this review was posted, Majora's Mask came out on the VC in the US. AHEM. The point is, you wouldn't buy a Wii for the VC - I ASSUME you wouldn't, that is.

You could have 99% of the Zeldas on the Virtual Console with Majora's Mask and Ocarina of Time: Master Quest on just two disks. And those disks are for the Gamecube. I have actually seen no more than three of each of these two disks at the game store I go to.

Yeah. 99% of all thirteen Zelda games. OH WAIT, the collection disc is rare and the Master Quest's a goddamn preorder bonus.

I also tried Medal of Honor: Airborne and I was not comfortable at all when I was playing it. The selection of games at the game store for the Wii is not that great.

Battalion Wars 2, Fire Emblem, Metroid Prime Trilogy, Namco Museum Megamix, Puzzle Quest, Tatsunoko VS Capcom, Goldeneye...

The system is great but the only problem with the system that makes me rate it so low is that Nintendo was going to put the ability to play Gameboy Advance games on the system. Did they put that feature in? No they did not. If you do not believe me, search the archives of this system and you will find out that this system was supposed to have that feature. Were, and are, you able to play Gameboy Advance games on the Gamecube? Yes. Are you able to play Gameboy Advance games on the Nintendo Wii? No you cannot. That is what lets me down.

Because it's such a vital feature to be able to play GBA games on any console other than the GBA and the DS. Oh, and guess what? You CAN play GBA games on your Wii via homebrew...but that's expecting too much research from a GameFAQs reviewer.

I upped the score a bit because of the SD card reader feature on the Nintendo Wii. That is nice when you are going somewhere and you want to give someone your save for a game. But that cancels out with the Virtual Console games. You cannot transfer Virtual Console games from one Nintendo Wii to another.

What do you mean, I can't pirate games?!

What if you want to sell your Wii because the Wii system has an upgrade such as the Gameboy Advance port? You cannot transfer the Virtual Console games to the other system. If someone could prove me wrong for this game transfer, please, send me a video because I won't believe pictures or recordings.

Here you go.

The Controls. Ugh. *shivers* Excluding all but the Nintendo 64 and Wii controls, the controls for the Nintendo Wii are so bad, it makes Gigli a great movie.

Your grammar is so bad it makes Psycho Penguin good by comparison.

The controls for the SNES are great seeing that I could get a Classic Controller and it is EXACTLY like the SNES controller (Compare them and you will see that the buttons are in the EXACT order). The controls for the NES are just like the NES controllers. I just turn the controller sideways (Compare them and you will see. COMPARE. Compare.).

COMPARE THEM DAMMIT! I TOLD YOU TO COMPARE!

The Nintendo 64 controls are really confusing. Every game has different controls. Try Super Mario 64 then try Cruis'n USA. The controls are different from both and you will get confused and frustrated when you play Cruis'n USA after you play Super Mario 64 after an hour.

What, do those two games map the A button to different controller buttons or something? What is so confusing here?

The Wii controls are the most frustrating of all. I tried playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl with the Wii Remote and I was confused and frustrated that I could not control the player like I know from Super Smash Bros. Melee. So then I tried the Classic Controller, the Classic Controller was much better than the Wii Remote but it was not like the Gamecube controller. I tried the Gamecube controller and it felt great. But the characters I play on Super Smash Bros. Melee are much faster in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I just could not play Super Smash Bros. Brawl for that long with the same character.

ARE YOU REVIEWING THE WII OR SUPER SMASH BROTHERS?! MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

I have trouble picking a character because of the controls and how the character feels with the Gamecube controller.

IT HURTS, JagDogger2525......IT HURTS.....

But Mario Kart Wii on the other hand. Mario Kart Wii felt exactly like Mario Kart Double Dash when I started playing with the Gamecube controller. When I started playing Mario Kart Wii, I played with the Wii Remote. I got frustrated because I had to tilt the Wii Remote the buttons were all different from Mario Kart Double Dash. But, when I started playing with the Gamecube controller, I knew everything from how to shoot to what to use in what place. I felt at home when I started using the Gamecube controller. I tried playing The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, but the controls are too confusing. It is not compatible with the Gamecube controller so I had a hard time coping with the controls. I tried Golf in the included Wii Sports and when I got to Putt, I got, and still get, frustrated because I try to move the Wii Remote softly like I am actually putting but when I do that, the ball goes ****ing 25 yards the other way. I HATE THAT!!!

Why...is it so hard...to grasp the Wii controls. It's not difficult or confusing. I'm saying this even as someone who found the GCN controller more comfortable.

If Nintendo makes a Controller that replicates the Nintendo 64 controller PERFECTLY, I will buy four of them so when one of the games I want to come out finally comes out, I could have a bunch of people over to actually play the game. But it has not happened so the controls are at 1/10.

Yeah. Give them a low score because they didn't cater to people who only bought the Wii for the N64 games. Why don't you just use your old N64 for that?!

If Nintendo makes a Gamecube controller with the sound feature of the Nintendo Wii Remote, I would have to think about buying it. Is the extra sound worth it? I do not know but for now, the sound is 5/10.

NO IT IS NOT WORTH THAT NO

Yes I am done with my review for the Nintendo Wii.

THANK GOD.

This system is a great system to play old Nintendo games but there are just a few good games to download and buy. I highly doubt that some of the games I want for the Virtual Console will come out because Nintendo wants to make more new games that are bad *cough*Wii Music*cough* than remake those which are great and old *cough*Goldeneye*cough*. I could see people eating Goldeneye up in a matter of minutes. Nintendo should learn because all I see is bad, or unsatisfying, games coming from Nintendo.

HEY FUNNY STORY ABOUT THAT

Okay. I think I'm relaxed now.
12th Jun '11 10:58:04 PM flag for mods
comments
So, did he talk about the Wii itself at all? Because my eyes glazed over once he started talking about everything else.
GIG 12th Jun 11
GIG: Well, he said the system is great a couple of times, and I think there was some comment about the controller somewhere, but 99% of it is bitching about the games and something to do with copying things, I kinda tuned out after a while too.

I think I've figured out why there are so many bad reviews on GameFAQs, there is simply not enough money in the world to pay people to willingly moderate this stuff.
SomeColorMage 12th Jun 11 (edited by: SomeColorMage)
FUN FACT! In the magazine N Gamer, they had images of the Development offices for the Smash Bros Brawl Dev Team, which was in the process of being cleared out. One notable thing was the boxes upon boxes of Gamecube controllers. It seems even the Devs liked the Gamecube controller best.

I guess you would buy the original Metal Slug if you didn't want to pay full price for Anthology. Or just wanted the first. Like me on both counts.

"The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, but the controls are too confusing"

......

Emperordaein 13th Jun 11
"Oh lord do not get me started on Smash Bros. I'm saving that for the inevitable Game FA Qs SSBB review."

Oh please let it be by some Stop Having Fun Guys. Please!
Korval 13th Jun 11
"Oh...hang on a sec...yep, approximately one month after this review was posted, Majora's Mask came out on the VC in the US."

The part that gets me is that he assumed that MM wasn't going to come out. There was a time when OoT wasn't out on VC either. And when the original Zelda wasn't out. And so on.

Did he think that Nintendo was just going to stop selling us their old games?
Korval 14th Jun 11
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