History Quotes / ToodumbToLive

-->--''Machinima/FreemansMind'', Episode 1

-->-- [[HaveANiceDeath Death message]], ''VideoGame/SpaceQuest V''

->'''Lance:''' NEVER! MY FAITH WILL PROTECT ME! \\
->'''Lisa:''' You know what? I don’t care anymore. If you’re that hungry for death then why should I stop you? You’re such a ''terrific dumbass!''

[[folder:Film — Live-action]]

[[folder:Live-action TV]]

->''"I'm just a dope who died in a safe with a snorkel... [{{Beat}}] Who's only now realizing why that didn't work!"''

->'''Creator/ChrisRock:'''You know, you’re probably won’t get your ass kicked if you just use common sense. If you jump a subway turnstile, you might just get off with a warning from the police; but, if you jump a turnstile carrying a loaded gun and smoking a joint, then, maybe, you need your ass kicked
-> ''(cut to man getting beat up by police)''

Candles $3,600 \\

-->''VideoGame/{{Splatoon 2}}'', another Starfish Mainstage discussion

->This is the Russian bathtub heroin that eats your flesh. And it's a telling sign of our collective lunacy that officials can predict that a FLESH-EATING DRUG will spread across America even though we all know it eats flesh, and then that prediction comes to pass. Personally, I am terrified of all [[BodyHorror flesh-eating substances]]: acids, bacteria, lions, etc. I instinctively stay away from them. But that warning apparently wasn't enough to keep away our most desperate, meth-addled citizens. "Well, if it eats my flesh but people still do it, it must be '''''AMAZING.'''''" ''Side note: [[YouDoNotWantToKnow Do NOT look up images of people who have had their flesh eaten by Krokodil.]] [[{{Squick}} You will be unhappy.]]''

-->-- '''[[TabletopGame/OnlyWar Guardsman Varrant]]''', six minutes before his execution

-->-- '''[=GLaDOS=]''', about [[spoiler: Wheatley]], ''Videogame/Portal2''

->This is the Russian bathtub heroin that eats your flesh. And it's a telling sign of our collective lunacy that officials can predict that a FLESH-EATING DRUG will spread across America even though we all know it eats flesh, and then that prediction comes to pass. Personally, I am terrified of all flesh-eating substances: acids, bacteria, lions, etc. I instinctively stay away from them. But that warning apparently wasn't enough to keep away our most desperate, meth-addled citizens. "Well, if it eats my flesh but people still do it, it must be '''''AMAZING.'''''" ''Side note: [[YouDoNotWantToKnow Do NOT look up images of people who have had their flesh eaten by Krokodil.]] [[{{Squick}} You will be unhappy.]]''

->'''[[Series/BarneyandFriends Barney the Dinosaur:]]''' Friends, be careful around household chemicals! Many--\\

'''Barney:''' Why, that can mean anything from bleach to drain cleaner! Now--\\

'''Barney:''' It's sort of [[ShapedLikeItself in the name, genius]]. The point is, a lot of these are poisonous, and--\\

->"Some behaviour does not merely show bad character. It displays a level of stupidity so alarming as to render the bad character secondary. It raises a serious question as to whether emergency personnel should be rushed to the scene to equip the subject with a ventilator in case he forgets to breathe."

-->--'''WebVideo/{{Phelous}}''' aftering hearing Dr Isaac's motivation in ''Film/ResidentEvilTheFinalChapter''

-->-- LetsPlay ''LetsPlay/SonicTheHedgehog2006'' by pokecapn, Medibot, Kung-Fu Jesus, [=IlluminatusVespucci=] and John Condit

->So, they decide to play Blind Man's Bluff, where they turn out all the lights, drink a lot of beer, and roam around the house; a.k.a the easiest setup for a slasher film ever. The only way they could make this easier for the killer is if they killed'' themselves.''

->"It's always funny at the beginning of the ''{{Franchise/Terminator}}'' films to see his [[{{Redshirt}} first victims]] underestimate him or misunderstand what he is."\\

->Now, this [protagonist] has to be so hot and ''so dumb''. Like, they can't be normal dumb, they have to be ''ridiculously'' dumb. And they can't notice any clues. If they see something, they just have to ignore it like it wasn't there.

->''(upon arriving at the sign made of animal legs)'' You know [[Memes/WesternAnimation that GIF]] of [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Grandpa Simpson where he walks into the burlesque shop, sees Bart and then immediately turns around and walks out]]? That's what any sane person would be doing right about now.

->I had this lady interviewer following me around. More of that [[GoingForTheBigScoop in-depth crap.]] She was convinced that life with Altman was a never-ending round of [[HookersAndBlow orgies and excess.]] She was even snooping around in my hotel bathroom, for Christ's sake, and she found this jar of funny white powder in the medicine cabinet. Aha! she thinks. Cocaine! So she snorts some. Unfortunately, what she didn't know was that I'm allergic to commercial toothpaste because the dentine in it makes me break out in a rash. So my wife [[MistakenForJunkie mixes up baking soda and salt]] for me, and -- poor girl.

->'''Fone Bone:''' Those Rat Creatures would have to be pretty stupid to follow me onto this frail little branch [over a waterfall]\\

[[folder:Film -- Live-action]]

->''You just went and made a new dinosaur? [[LampshadeHanging Probably not a good idea]].''

->''I clean my knives in a crossbow. Some people say it's foolish... I put them in the hoover and set it on blow and just shoot water at them around the kitchen, as I sit with a plug -- bare-wired... at my feet... '''PEEING ON IT!''' All to get a better clean.''
-->-- '''Phil Jupitus''' on ''Series/{{QI}}'' after hearing about the fatal accidents involving dishwasher users impaling themselves on the cutlery basket because they put all the knives in pointing up -- all to get a better clean.

'''Doggett''': I mean, we did some stupid stuff, but we didn't know it was stupid at the time. This isn't just stupid, this is '''glorification''' of stupid. These kids take enormous pride in being sub-mental.

->''For young man, read young idiot. Look, anyone stupid enough to let some mustachio'd dago say, "Excuse me, meester" and then hit them over the head, deserves everything coming to them.''

->''Poor Ned Stark. Brave man, ''[[HonorBeforeReason terrible]]'' judgement.''

He brings Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan before Boss Nass, but he gets arrested and they say it's time to get executed. If it wasn't for Qui-Gon saying, 'This animal has a life debt with me, I should take him with me.' -- you know, if Qui-Gon just ''didn't'' do that -- they've would've executed Jar-Jar. So, really, Jar-Jar would probably be more motivated to '''not''' take them there... 'I can take you to the Naboo City, just follow me! Let's, uh, let's go ''this'' way; The way that's the ''farthest possible'' away from the Gungan City. Let's go that way.'\\\

->[[AC: Remember how I said he was specifically built to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain ''any'' of the crucial functions that keep this facility from exploding!]]

-->-- '''Iori Yagami'''' victory quote, ''[[VideoGame/TheKingOfFighters The King Of Fighters '96]]''

-->-- '''Franklin Clinton''' after witnessing [[spoiler: Dom skydive from a dam with no parachute]] in ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoV''

->'''Pearl''': My strategy for this stage is: rush to the stage and look freshhhhhh...\\

->'''Thief:''' Okay, Fighter, tie this rope to something sturdy so we can climb across\\

-->--''[[WebVideo/GameCareNetwork Everything Wrong With]] VideoGame/ResidentEvilVIIBiohazard''

->This is the Russian bathtub heroin that eats your flesh. And it's a telling sign of our collective lunacy that officials can predict that a FLESH-EATING DRUG will spread across America even though we all know it eats flesh, and then that prediction comes to pass. Personally, I am terrified of all flesh-eating substances: acids, bacteria, lions, etc. I instinctively stay away from them. But that warning apparently wasn't enough to keep away our most desperate, meth-addled citizens. "Well, if it eats my flesh but people still do it, it must be '''''AMAZING.'''''" ''Side note: Do NOT look up images of people who have had their flesh eaten by Krokodil. [[{{Squick}} You will be unhappy.]]''

'''Lelouch:''' '''WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!?!?!?'''

->It's so absurdly simple! I can control this storm! All I have to do is--
-->-- '''[[MadScientist Mutran]], just before getting fried''', ''Toys/{{BIONICLE}}''

[''Beat, as the Rat Creatures [[TemptingFate do exactly that]]'']\\

->I don't want another murder in this case, and you were born to be murdered.

->The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.
-->--'''Goose''', ''Film/TopGun''

->''"You just went and made a new dinosaur? [[LampshadeHanging Probably not a good idea]]."''
-->'''Owen''', ''Film/JurassicWorld''

->Stupidity is the only natural capital crime.

->Thoth sprang up, blood mounting darkly to his face, while his eyes flamed with the stunned fury of a man who suddenly realizes the full depths of a fool's swinish stupidity.

->Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'.

->Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in [[Literature/{{Discworld}} Ankh]]-[[WretchedHive Morpork]], but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of [[WretchedHive the Shades]] was suicide. Asking for a short beer in a [[OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame dwarf]] bar was suicide. Saying '[[SiliconBasedLife Got rocks in your head]]?' to a [[AllTrollsAreDifferent troll]] was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful.

->Pages one and two had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier-mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it.

->I've never seen someone so prone to life-threatening idiocy!

->Hey, the cop never said anything about doing intensely stupid things!

->Please do not use this electrical appliance while you're in the bath. Actually, you know what? Go on. If you're that dumb, I think we can afford to lose ya!

->I clean my knives in a crossbow. Some people say it's foolish... I put them in the hoover and set it on blow and just shoot water at them around the kitchen, as I sit with a plug -- bare-wired... at my feet... '''PEEING ON IT!''' All to get a better clean.

->I think I might've [[JugglingLoadedGuns shot myself]] a bit.
-->--'''Sgt. Penhale''', ''Series/DocMartin''

->I am too stupid to LIVE!

->I suppose from a creative standpoint, some characters deserve to die. Ones that lack common sense or even basic survival instinct.

->For young man, read young idiot. Look, anyone stupid enough to let some mustachio'd dago say, "Excuse me, meester" and then hit them over the head, deserves everything coming to them.

->Poor Ned Stark. Brave man, ''[[HonorBeforeReason terrible]]'' judgement.

->But... they have the preservation instinct of ''a herd of lemmings!''

->The fire was stupid. Putting Vila on guard duty was suicidal. What's the matter? Staying alive become too complicated for you?

-->--'''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett]]''' riffs ''Film/ThePhantomMenace''

-->--The '''narrator''' of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zt50lz-NVQ a 70s electricity safety PIF featuring an idiot]] [[DoomItYourself using three matches as a makeshift plug for a drill]].

-->-- Pablo Francisco, [[http://comedians.jokes.com/pablo-francisco/videos/pablo-francisco---previews-voice this video]]

-->--'''Iori Yagami'''' victory quote, ''[[VideoGame/TheKingOfFighters The King Of Fighters '96]]''

-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/05/31/lesson-of-the-day-dont-grab-a-flying-drone/ Michael K.]]''', "Lesson Of The Day: Don’t Grab A Flying Drone"

-->--'''[[http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/tcu-got-screwed-and-thats-the-point-1668812802 Drew Magary]]'''

-->--''[[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2013/07/641-mason-howe-dwinell.html Encyclopedia of American Loons]]'' on Mason Howe Dwinell

-->--{{Creator/Seanbaby}}, [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-great-occupations-for-horribly-stupid-people/ "7 Great Occupations For Horribly Stupid People"]]

->'''Lelouch''': I need your help, can you come here?
->'''Suzaku''': Well, I can't. I'm buying clothes.
->'''Lelouch''': Alright, well hurry up and come over here.
->'''Suzaku''': I can't find them.
->'''Lelouch''': What do you mean, you can't find them?
->'''Suzaku''': I can't find them, there's only soup.
->'''Lelouch''': What do you mean there's ONLY soup?
->'''Suzaku''': It means there's ONLY SOUP!
->'''Lelouch''': WELL THEN, GET OUT OF THE SOUP AISLE!!!
->'''Suzaku''': ALRIGHT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT AT ME! * Suzaku walks into the next aisle * There's more soup.
->'''Lelouch''': WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S MORE SOUP?!?!
->'''Suzaku''': IT'S JUST MORE SOUP!!
->'''Lelouch''': GO INTO THE NEXT AISLE!!
->'''Suzaku''': * Suzaku goes into the next aisle * THERE'S STILL SOUP!
->'''Lelouch''': WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?!?!?
->'''Suzaku''': I'M AT SOUP!
->'''Lelouch''': WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE "AT SOUP"?!?!?!
->'''Suzaku''': I MEAN, I'M AT SOUP!!!
->'''Lelouch''': WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!?!?
->'''Suzaku''': I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!!!
->'''Lelouch''': '''WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!?!?!?'''
->'''Suzaku''': FUCK YOU!!!!!

-> Food $200 \\

--> --'''[[https://twitter.com/dril/status/384408932061417472 @dril]]'''

-->--'''Creator/HLMencken''', 1949

-->--''WebVideo/{{Phelous}}''' aftering hearing Dr Isaac's motivation in ''Film/ResidentEvilTheFinalChapter''