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Quotes: Too Dumb to Live
Thief: Okay, Fighter, tie this rope to something sturdy so we can climb across
Fighter: [off-panel] Done!
Black Mage: Why is the rope on fire?
Fighter: I tied it to the lava! Y'know, so we could find it when we're done here.

"Bastian flips through the book and says, "It keeps going!" Koreander is a little too polite to reply, Of course it keeps going, it's the NeverEnding Story, ya dipshit!"
TheAgony Booth recap of The NeverEnding Story III: Escape From Fantasia

"... And as little as one month. Assuming the moron intends to give a two hour speech in a gale with no coat or hat. For more information, consult William Henry Harrison, Idiot of Tippecanoe."

"Front door, closet... front door, closet... closet."

"When your life has been directly threatened by your boss and there's already been one unsolved murder in your office building, always work late and alone!"
Noah "The Spoony One" Antwiler, Let's Play Phantasmagoria 2

Meatwad: (holding a scorpion): I'll eat it... if you eat it.
Shake: All right, deal! Wait a minute... how are you gonna eat it after I eat it?
Meatwad: Look, you eat it, then I go back in time to before the time that you eat it, then I'll eat it. note 
Shake: Okay.
(later)
Frylock: What's wrong with Shake?
Meatwad: Oh, he's dead. Dumbass ate a scorpion.

"I am too stupid to LIVE!"
Rebecca Howe, Cheers

"So, they decide to play Blind Man's Bluff, where they turn out all the lights, drink a lot of beer, and roam around the house; a.k.a the easiest setup for a slasher film ever. The only way they could make this easier for the killer is if they killed themselves!"
The Cinema Snob, The Mutilator (1985)

"I suppose from a creative standpoint, some characters deserve to die. Ones that lack common sense or even basic survival instinct."
Abed, Community

"Thoth sprang up, blood mounting darkly to his face, while his eyes flamed with the stunned fury of a man who suddenly realizes the full depths of a fool's swinish stupidity."
Robert E. Howard, "The Phoenix On The Sword," as Thoth-Amon realizes that Dion has his lost Ring of Power and doesn't even know it.

Evil Monk: Brother, quickly, bring some rocks! There's an intruder below!

...Again, my strength really lies in fixing computers, not in designing or managing needlessly nightmarish robots, but it just seems like a basic rule of computer-making that you should be able to turn it off at some point. I mean, my toaster has a plug in case something goes wrong, you know? And i haven't armed my toaster or given it access to my house's security system.
Cyberdyne's tech support engineer, Cracked.com

Zeke: The average human lifespan is seventy years.
Embla: I see.
Zeke: Heh. Except Ethan. If you run the data, his life expectancy comes out to negative forty years.

"He does so have to shoot me now! I demand that you shoot me now!"
Daffy Duck, Rabbit Seasoning

"Okay guys it looks like you have everything you need so I'm gonna go to bed now! Alone! Naked! And with the door unlocked! Bye!"

"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."
Rincewind on Twoflower, The Colour of Magic

"Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of the Shades was suicide. Asking for a short beer in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying 'Got rocks in your head?' to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful."

Brian Griffin: Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter Griffin: Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at serious risk.

Freakazoid: Dumb, dumb, dumb! Never tell the villain how to trap you in a cage!
Gutierrez: You probably shouldn't have helped us build it, either.
Freakazoid: I know! Dumb!

Fry: Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees that nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there.
Farnsworth: Let's go back there!

Poor Ned Stark. Brave man, terrible judgement.
Jaime Lannister on the choices of his Arch-Enemy on Game of Thrones

"He said he wouldn't be my friend if I didn't tell him!"
Barney, on why he revealed the player's top secret mission to the enemy in Heart Of Evil.

"You remember what daddy always said. That God gave you a big sister instead of a brain."
Meredith (to Flint), Heroes

"Pages one and two had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier-mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it."

"And all the victims in these films have had their common sense glands removed."
Eddie Izzard on Horror Movies

"Defective microchips? I like the sound of that!"
Mikey Simon, Kappa Mikey

Ray: Why would I be nervous?
Lindesfarne: Because... I'm an insectivore.
Ray: What's an insectivore?
Lindesfarne: (whispers to Tammy) Not too big on self-preservation, is he?
Ray: What's self-preservation?
Lindesfarne (a hedgehog) and Ray (a firefly) in Kevin & Kell

Iori Yagami: Geez, sorry you guys! There's no cure for stupidity!

Link: Ah! Fire! My flame-proof suit isn't working!
Navi: That's not a fireproof suit, you just painted your regular suit red!
Link: But... isn't that how fireproof suits work? You know, by camouflaging me from the flames?
Navi: How you've managed to survive this long is a mystery to me.

Sonic: Cool, it's raining fire!
Players: Cool! Cool! I'm gonna die!
Let's Play Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) by pokecapn, Medibot, Kung-Fu Jesus, IlluminatusVespucci and John Condit

"Anyone who fights us is either stupid or on Saren's payroll. Killing the latter is business. Killing the former is a favor to the universe."
Urdnot Wrex, Mass Effect 1

"Please do not use this electrical appliance while you're in the bath. Actually, you know what? Go on. If you're that dumb, I think we can afford to lose ya!".
Ed Byrne on Mock the Week

"Hey, the cop never said anything about doing intensely stupid things!"
Tom Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000, "Last Clear Chance", right before the characters get hit by a train.

"Stupidity is the only natural capital crime."
Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long

"This is the only show I know of where apathy is a constant threat."

You're dumb, the song, now die
You're dead, because, you're dumb
Oh wait, you're still, alive
You're still, no dumb, the less

"I clean my knives in a crossbow. Some people say it's foolish... I put them in the hoover and set it on blow and just shoot water at them around the kitchen, as I sit with a plug — bare-wired... at my feet... PEEING ON IT! All to get a better clean."
Phil Jupitus on QI after hearing about the fatal accidents involving dishwasher users impaling themselves on the cutlery basket because they put all the knives in pointing up — all to get a better clean.

Things I Learned From This Game:
Some people are just too fucking stupid to live.
This review of Racial Holy War.

"Duuuh. You died because you were dumb."

"I mean like, dangerously, not-able-to-function-on-his-own level of stupid, like, if you were to give this guy a cup of applesauce and a spoon, would probably drown-level stupid."

Klingon Transporter Operator: I do not deserve to live.
Kirk: Fine, I'll kill you later.

"Cartman, you've stooped to the level of a full-fledged retard."
Kyle Brofloski, South Park

"That's our hero, ladies and gentlemen: too stupid, to eat!"
Noah "The Spoony One" Antwiler on a scene of Tidus choking on his food in Final Fantasy X

Mach: Hang on, I'm getting a strange energy reading.
Ops: Do not touch the artifact! Direct orders from Dostya!
Mach: It'll just take a second.

"You were born to be murdered."
Major Calloway (to Holly Martins), The Third Man

"The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid."
Goose, Top Gun

I've never seen someone so prone to life-threatening idiocy!
Alice Cullen to Bella Swan, New Moon

Moiraine: DO NOT go out into Shadar Logoth, or touch anything!
Mat: Let's go out into Shadar Logoth and touch things!
Rand and Perrin: Good idea.

"It's so absurdly simple! I can control this storm! All I have to do is—"
Mutran, just before getting fried, BIONICLE

I actually decided on the official statement Zarathustra would make the moment they become aware of the Angra Mainyu summoning.

"Some behaviour does not merely show bad character. It displays a level of stupidity so alarming as to render the bad character secondary. It raises a serious question as to whether emergency personnel should be rushed to the scene to equip the subject with a ventilator in case he forgets to breathe."

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