History Quotes / MilesGloriosus

-->-- ''Music/BarenakedLadies'', "Falling for the First Time"

-->--'''''Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail'''''

->''"Captain's log, stardate, the year of the tiger. The battle has been bravely fought, and the suffering of our troops beyond measure. But the alien is invulnerable, and our defeat inevitable. That much is obvious, even from my remote command post here at the Times Square Applebee's."''

->There once was a hero named Ragnar the Red, who came riding to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead!
->And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he had made!
->But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red, when he met the shieldmaiden Matilda who said...
->"Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead! Now I think it's high time that you lie down and bleed!"
->And so then came the clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass Matilda charged in full of zeal!
->And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no moooooree... when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!
-->--'''"Ragnar the Red"''', ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim''

->''"And so, the Coon had returned with the dark lord {{Cthulhu|Mythos}}! Upon seeing Cthulhu in person, Mintberry Crunch heroically dashed off, to, to save the day! With Minty coolness he hurried back home!... and heroically watched ''Series/JudgeJudy'', knowing that his superhero friends were probably just fine without him!"''

->''"I enlisted in the army of the United States at seventeen; went to the Pacific; did nothing useful--I was just there, as [[RichardNixon Nixon]] used to say, WHEN THE BOMBS WERE FALLING. But, actually, the bombs were not falling on either of us: he was a naval officer making a fortune playing poker..."''

->''"[[Creator/JeanClaudeVanDamme Van Damme]] was there with Seagal, [[Creator/BruceWillis Willis]], [[Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger Schwarzenegger]], Shaquille O Neal, Don Johnson and {{Madonna}}, it was a heck of a party. Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him. Seagal [[IHaveToIronMyDog made some excuse and left]]. His destination was some Ocean Drive nightclub in Miami. Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere pulled a Houdini.]]"''

->''"'There's too much money in my fucking hand!' Oh, don't worry, Johnny. Flip more people the bird, and the NFL's [[MoralGuardians morality police]] will happily relieve you of that cash...I say all this as someone who likes Manziel. I would prefer to ignore the rather obvious fact that Johnny is here for [[HookersAndBlow the money and the girls]], and just pretend he's some magical throwback that can turn it on when the game starts, like John Belushi hitting every line in a sketch [[BunnyEarsLawyer after shooting 50 speedballs.]] But my inner football tightass knows this isn't how it works. My inner football tightass knows that Manziel is about to get his ass kicked."''

->''"Scott Rogers is a martial artist with just enough of [[BrooklynRage a New York accent]] to always sound like he's kidding. His video set explains how to defend against every bar weapon, including pool cues, karate chops, knives and guns... Scott uses a guy named Mike to demonstrate most of his moves. Now, when a martial arts teacher pretends to punch you, it's polite to gently go '[[BadBadActing arrgh]]' as if it hurt you. Mike is very good at this. He even makes different sound effects depending on where Scott pretends to hit him. Filming a karate video is exactly like being seven-years old except for one difference: [[InsultToRocks I've seen seven-year-olds win fights]]."''

->''"When [[Wrestling/JeffJarrett Jarrett]] came down the mat, he got a standing ovation from people who respected him, because he was good. Nobody's ever going to respect Vince Russo... He looks like a goof. Because he ''is'' a goof. Because he walks out there like he's fucking King Kong to the ''[[Film/MadMax Road Warrior]]'' music, and he thinks he's over. His triumphant return, like he's Lou Gehrig in the fucking stadium! And everyone goes, 'Who's this fucking buggy whip-armed motherfucker?'"''
-->--'''Wrestling/JimCornette''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMm0Alg0bvs on]] Wrestling/VinceRusso

->''Brave Sir Robin ran away. ("No!")\\
Bravely ran away, away. ("I didn't!")\\
When danger reared it's ugly head,\\
He bravely turned his tail and fled. ("No!")\\
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about ("I didn't!")\\
And gallantly he chickened out.\\
Bravely taking ("I never did!") to his feet,\\
He beat a very brave retreat. ("All lies!")\\
Bravest of the braaaave, Sir Robin!''
-->--'''''Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail'''''

-->--'''Creator/GoreVidal''', ''Vanity Fair''', 1999

->''"When [[Wrestling/JeffJarrett Jarrett]] came down the mat, he got a standing ovation from people who respected him, because he was good. Nobody's even going to respect Vince Russo... He looks like a goof. Because he ''is'' a goof. Because he walks out there like he's fucking King Kong to the ''[[Film/MadMax Road Warrior]]'' music, and he thinks he's over. His triumphant return, like he's Lou Gehrig in the fucking stadium! And everyone goes, 'Who's this fucking buggy whip-armed motherfucker?'"''

->''"When [[Wrestling/JeffJarrett]] came down the mat, he got a standing ovation from people who respected him, because he was good. Nobody's even going to respect Vince Russo... He looks like a goof. Because he ''is'' a goof. Because he walks out there like he's fucking King Kong to the ''[[Film/MadMax Road Warrior]]'' music, and he thinks he's over. His triumphant return, like he's Lou Gehrig in the fucking stadium! And everyone goes, 'Who's this fucking buggy whip-armed motherfucker?'"''

-->--'''Wrestling/JimCornette''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMm0Alg0bvs on]] Wrestling/VinceRussoo

->''"Scott Rogers is a martial artist with just enough of [[BrooklynRage a New York accent]] to always sound like he's kidding. His video set explains how to defend against every bar weapon, including pool cues, karate chops, knives and guns... Scott uses a guy named Mike to demonstrate most of his moves. Now, when a martial arts teacher pretends to punch you, it's polite to gently go [[BadBadActing arrgh]]' as if it hurt you. Mike is very good at this. He even makes different sound effects depending on where Scott pretends to hit him. Filming a karate video is exactly like being seven-years old except for one difference: [[InsultToRocks I've seen seven-year-olds win fights]]."''

->''"[[Creator/JeanClaudeVanDamme Van Damme]] was there with Seagal, [[Creator/BruceWillis Willis]], [[Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger Schwarzenegger]], Shaquille O Neal, Don Johnson and {{Madonna}}, it was a heck of a party. Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him. Seagal made some excuse and left. His destination was some Ocean Drive nightclub in Miami. Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal pulled a Houdini."''
-->--'''Creator/SylvesterStallone''' on StevenSeagal

->''"I enlisted in the army of the United States at seventeen; went to the Pacific; did nothing useful--I was just there, as [[RichardNixon Nixon]] used to say, WHEN THE BOMBS WERE FALLING. But, actually, the bombs were not falling on either or us: he was a naval officer making a fortune playing poker..."''

->''"I enlisted in the army of the United States at seventeen; went to the Pacific; did nothing useful--I was just there, as [[RichardNixon Nixon]] used to say, WHEN THE BOMBS WERE FALLING. But, actually, the bombs were not falling on either or us: he was a naval officer making a fortune playing poker, while I was an army first mate writing a novel."''

->'''Rainbow Dash:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa. Magic's got nothing to do with it. Trixie's just a loudmouth.\\
'''Rarity:''' ''Most'' unpleasant.\\
'''Applejack:''' All hat and no cattle.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'', "Boast Busters"

->Now [[TakeThat Callias the naval man]] is at his best ashore
->Where he can show his seamanship in actions by the score
->And when they see his [[{{Fanservice}} lion-skin]] the girls cry out for more
->It's the way they do things now.
-->–-'''[[Creator/{{Aristophanes}} The Frogs]]''', Robert Fagles translation

->And so, the Coon had returned with the dark lord {{Cthulhu|Mythos}}! Upon seeing Cthulhu in person, Mintberry Crunch heroically dashed off, to, to save the day! With Minty coolness he hurried back home!... and heroically watched ''Series/JudgeJudy'', knowing that his superhero friends were probably just fine without him!

->And so, the Coon had returned with the dark lord {{Cthulhu|Mythos}}! Upon seeing Cthulhu in person, Mint Berry Crunch heroically dashed off, to, to save the day! With Minty coolness he hurried back home!... and heroically watched ''Series/JudgeJudy'', knowing that his superhero friends were probably just fine without him!

-->-- ''BarenakedLadies'', "Falling for the First Time"

-->–-'''[[{{Aristophanes}} The Frogs]]''', Robert Fagles translation

----

->'''Rainbow Dash''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Magic's got nothing to do with it. Trixie's just a loudmouth.\\
'''Rarity''': ''Most'' unpleasant.\\
'''Applejack''': All hat and no cattle.
-->'''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic''', ''Boast Busters''

->''I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby.''
-->--'''BarenakedLadies''', 'Falling for the First Time'

->''Captain's log, stardate, the year of the tiger. The battle has been bravely fought, and the suffering of our troops beyond measure. But the alien is invulnerable, and our defeat inevitable. That much is obvious, even from my remote command post here at the Times Square Applebee's.''
->--'''Zapp Brannigan''', ''{{Futurama}}''


->Now [[TakeThat Callias the naval man]] is at his best ashore
->Where he can show his seamanship in actions by the score
->And when they see his [[{{Fanservice}} lion-skin]] the girls cry out for more
->It's the way they do things now.
-->–'''[[{{Aristophanes}} The Frogs]]''', Robert Fagles translation
----

->And when they see his [[{{Fanservice}} lion-skin]] the girls [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean cry out for more]]

-->'''MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic''', ''Boast Busters''

'''Applejack: All hat and no cattle.

-->''[[{{Aristophanes}} The Frogs]]'', Robert Fagles translation

-->--'''Zapp Brannigan''', ''{{Futurama}}''
----

->''You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down.''

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