History Quotes / KleptomaniacHero

->"Death! Death, help me cram this bag of money into this lantern. Fucking Ballmont keeps stealing all of my cash! Werewolf, you hide this pot roast in that candlestick. Last time I had these pot roasts, he stole them, the bastard."
-->--Vlad Dracula von Tepes, ''WebOriginal/ADayInDraculasLife''

->"Death! Death, help me cram this bag of money into this lantern. Fuggin Ballmont keeps stealing all of my cash! Werewolf, you hide this pot roast in that candlestick. Last time I had these pot roasts, he stole them, the bastard."
-->--Vlad Dracula von Tepes, ''WebVideo/ADayInDraculasLife''

->''I've heard stories about your kind... You go into strangers' houses, helping yourself to the contents of their drawers and smashing all their pots.

->'''[[Videogames/{{Thief}} Garrett's Principle]]:''' Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down (or on fire) is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores.

-->--'''George Weidman''' on ''VideoGame/DeusExMankindDivided''

->'''Amethyst:''' Who's is it?

->If "{{Adventure Game}}s" were a medical condition, the first symptom would be [[SelectiveMemory amnesia]] and the second would be kleptomania.''"

->I like how ''Deus Ex''[='=]s dystopia is extra-depressing because, on top of the Illuminati ruining everything, everybody's gotta worry about you breaking into their apartment and taking their beer.

->If we kill them we get their stuff!

-> "''If adventure games were a medical condition, the first symptom would be [[SelectiveMemory amnesia]] and the second would be kleptomania.''"
-->--'''Yahtzee''', '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation'''''

->'''[[Creator/BenCroshaw Yahtzee]]:''' Once again, I spot something that's one pixel big: A [[CommonplaceRare plectrum]]. And specifically because the game kinda guilts me for taking it, [[ThrewMyBikeOnTheRoof I'm gonna take it.]]\\
'''Gabriel:''' You've just saved the world one really annoying bass guitar demonstration at a party.
-->--'''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgU-KA46THc Let's Play]]''' ''{{Dreamweb}}''

->[hard boiled V.O.] ''"We have to check the pants for any evidence we might find. ''Sir, let me check your pants'', I say clumsily. [[ThatCameOutWrong I don't think he's going for it.]]"''
-->-- '''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTK7V2uilyE Splattercat]]''', ''Let's Play VideoGame/NoirSyndrome''

->''"Well, there's the holly, anyway. ''[chortling]'' Of course it's in there. Why ''wouldn't'' in be in the wardrobe? I keep, like, '''fuckloads''' of holly in my wardrobe. I got a whole fuckin' bushel [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe in me cubbard!]] And an elderberry tree in the bath."''
-->--'''JimSterling''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WG8aby92lJQ on]] ''Guise of the Wolf'' ({{Steam}})

->"''Hey, look, I'm the hero here. Will you quit accusing me of stealing things?''"
-->--'''Link''', ''WebVideo/TheLegendOfZeldaTheAbridgedSeries''

->''"What do I ''want''? I don't really know. Most of the time I ignore my quest and walk into the homes of others, riffling through people's shelves..."''
-->--'''The Chosen One''', '''''VideoGame/{{Fallout 2}}'''''

->'''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyX Tidus]]:''' ''You're just gonna ''take'' that?''\\
'''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyII Firion]]:''' ''What? It's free!''
-->--'''''VideoGame/DissidiaFinalFantasy''''', on random treasure chests.


->'''[[@/LeChuck4 GG]]''': Yeah. Remember what [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyIX Mr. Kuja]] [said] about the high security on the lower levels? He wasn't kidding. Bears, land octopi, tigers... a whole lot of guardian creatures are living down there. \\
'''[[Franchise/{{Disgaea}} Asagi]]''': Woah, seriously? You went exploring...huh. You find any nice loot in the lower levels? \\
'''GG''': Yeah, but I left it there. I mean, how much of a douchebag would I be if I stole from the guy giving me a place to not-sleep?
-->--'''''Roleplay/WeAreOurAvatars''''', after GG Explored the Desert Palace.

->'''Billy:''' Could you guys please stop going through my house?\\
'''Bart:''' But...we're RPG characters!
-->''[[http://whatdoesgodneedwithastarship.com Xenogears: A Rope of Robots]]'', a [[LetsPlay Let's Play]] of ''VideoGame/{{Xenogears}}''

->'''Obi-Wan''': So, we're just sitting in a room, waiting for these Trade Federation dudes to talk to us?\\
'''GM''': Right.\\
'''Qui-Gon''': We search the room.\\
'''GM''': What?\\
'''Qui-Gon''': We search the room. Anything valuable?\\
'''GM''': It's a waiting room! You're ''ambassadors''!\\
'''Qui-Gon''': Well what do you want us to do? There's not even anyone to talk to except a butler robot.\\
'''GM''': "Protocol droid". And what about some in-character conversation?\\
'''Qui-Gon''': "Say Obi-Wan, how about we search the room?"
-->'''''Webcomic/DarthsAndDroids'''''

->''It's not "Stealing". It's "Adding to my Inventory."''
--> --'''Ben''', '''''BenThereDanThat'''''

->'''[[Videogames/{{Thief}} Garrett's Principle]]:''' ''Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down (or on fire) is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores.''
-->-- ''TheGrandListOfConsoleRolePlayingGameCliches''

->'''Kaidan:''' You'll be fine, Garrus. If you're ever in doubt, just ask yourself: '[[WhatWouldXDo What Would Shepard Do?]]'\\

--> ''Franchise/MassEffect: [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5639538/1/Accidental_Hero_of_the_Galaxy Accidental Hero of the Galaxy]]''

->'''Shepard:''' Aha!\\
'''Kasumi:''' Found a sample?\\
'''Shepard:''' No, a credit chit.
--> ''VideoGame/MassEffect2,'' during Kasumi's mission.

->"I didn't know {{immortality}} came with a license to steal, but whatever."
-->-- '''Leucos''', ''VideoGame/GloryOfHeracles'' (NintendoDS)

->"What the hell am I looking at? Seriously... ''and I can collect it!'' So Curtis sees a pile of milky-green phlegm that just emerged from the throat of an [[HumanoidAbomination alien creature]] during its death rattle, and his first instinct is to scoop it up and stuff it in his pocket?"\\
''(After an awkward moment between Curtis and a coworker)'' "What does it say about me as a person that my first instinct is to rifle through her desk for useful items?"
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment The Spoony One]]''', ''LetsPlay VideoGame/{{Phantasmagoria 2}}''

->"Heroes?! You're thieves pillaging the town before the army destroys everything! You're no heroes, you're scavengers!"
-->-- '''Petula''', ''You Are Not The Hero''

-> '''Matsuda:''' Can I have my phone back, please?\\
'''L:''' I think you know the answer to that.
-->-- ''[[WebVideo/DeathNoteTheAbridgedSeriesTeamDattebayo Death Note: The Abridged Series (Team Dattebayo)]]''

-> '''Isabela:''' If we kill them we get their stuff!
-->-- ''VideoGame/DragonAgeII''

-> '''Black Mask:''' Amazo was going to buy my way up into high-end international trafficking. Now I'm forced to keep rooting around in this local leg-breaking garbage! And he gives me bat trouble — who blows the damn robot's head off! I could have at least sold it for scrap... but Batman kept it.\\
'''Ms. Li:''' Yes. Batman likes to keep things.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/BatmanUnderTheRedHood''

-> "Dibs" is not a term of bereavement.
-->-- ''Blog/ThingsMrWelchIsNoLongerAllowedToDoInAnRPG''

-->-- ''[[http://archiveofourown.org/works/2808746 don't shake it]]'', a ''VideoGame/NancyDrew'' fic
----

->''"Well, there's the holly, anyway. ''[chortling]'' Of ''course'' it's in there. Why ''wouldn't'' in be in the wardrobe? I keep, like, '''fuckloads''' of holly in my wardrobe. I got a whole fuckin' bushel [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe in me cupboard!]] And an elderberry tree in the bath."''

->'''[[Creator/BenCroshaw Yahtzee]]:''' Once again, I spot something that's one pixel big: A [[CommonplaceRare plectrum]]. And specifically because the game kinda guilts me for taking it, [[VideoGameCrueltyPotential I'm gonna take it.]]\\

->'''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyX Tidus]]:''' ''You're just gonna ''take'' that?''
->'''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyII Firion]]:''' ''What? It's free!''

->'''[[@/LeChuck4 GG]]''': Yeah. Remember what [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyIX Mr. Kuja]] [said] about the high security on the lower levels? He wasn't kidding. Bears, land octopi, tigers... a whole lot of guardian creatures are living down there.
->'''[[Franchise/{{Disgaea}} Asagi]]''': Woah, seriously? You went exploring...huh. You find any nice loot in the lower levels?
->'''GG''': Yeah, but I left it there. I mean, how much of a douchebag would I be if I stole from the guy giving me a place to not-sleep?

->'''Billy:''' Could you guys please stop going through my house?
->'''Bart:''' But...we're RPG characters!

->'''Obi-Wan''': So, we're just sitting in a room, waiting for these Trade Federation dudes to talk to us?
->'''GM''': Right.
->'''Qui-Gon''': We search the room.
->'''GM''': What?
->'''Qui-Gon''': We search the room. Anything valuable?
->'''GM''': It's a waiting room! You're ''ambassadors''!
->'''Qui-Gon''': Well what do you want us to do? There's not even anyone to talk to except a butler robot.
->'''GM''': "Protocol droid". And what about some in-character conversation?
->'''Qui-Gon''': "Say Obi-Wan, how about we search the room?"

->'''Kaidan:''' You'll be fine, Garrus. If you're ever in doubt, just ask yourself: '[[WhatWouldXDo What Would Shepard Do?]]'
->'''Garrus:''' [[LampshadeHanging Oh, that's easy]]! [[RunningGag Search every nook and cranny, open everything that isn't locked down and hack open anything that is.]] [[ViolationOfCommonSense Even in the middle of a battle.]]

->'''Shepard:''' Aha!
->'''Kasumi:''' Found a sample?
->'''Shepard:''' No, a credit chit.

->"What the hell am I looking at? Seriously... ''and I can collect it!'' So Curtis sees a pile of milky-green phlegm that just emerged from the throat of an [[HumanoidAbomination alien creature]] during its death rattle, and his first instinct is to scoop it up and stuff it in his pocket?"

->(after an awkward moment between Curtis and a coworker) "What does it say about me as a person that my first instinct is to rifle through her desk for useful items?"
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment The Spoony One]]''', ''LetsPlay {{Phantasmagoria 2}}''

-> '''Matsuda:''' Can I have my phone back, please?
-> '''L:''' I think you know the answer to that.

-> '''Black Mask:''' Amazo was going to buy my way up into high-end international trafficking. Now I'm forced to keep rooting around in this local leg-breaking garbage! And he gives me bat trouble — who blows the damn robot's head off! I could have at least sold it for scrap... but Batman kept it.
-> '''Ms. Li:''' Yes. Batman likes to keep things.

-->--'''''DissidiaFinalFantasy''''', on random treasure chests.

-->'''''DarthsAndDroids'''''

-> "''Hey, look, I'm the hero here. Will you quit accusing me of stealing things?''"
-->--'''Link''', '''''LegendOfZeldaTheAbridgedSeries'''''

-> '''Black Mask:''' Amazo was going buy my way up into high-end international trafficking. Now I'm forced to keep rooting around in this local leg-breaking garbage! And he gives me bat trouble — who blows the damn robot's head off! I could have at least sold it for scrap... but Batman kept it.

-> '''Isabella:''' If we kill them we get their stuff!

-->--'''''WeAreOurAvatars''''', after GG Explored the Desert Palace.