History Quotes / HonestJohnsDealership

-->--'''Film/{{Snatch}}''' [[spoiler: note:Just so you know, [[EpicFail they don't get their money back via the fight either.]] The Honest John is also a GeniusBruiser.]]

-->--'''Film/{{Snatch}}''' [[note:Just so you know, [[EpicFail they don't get their money back via the fight either.]] The Honest John is also a GeniusBruiser.]]

->Jawa [[BaseOnWheels sandcrawlers]] roam the edges of civilization on Tatooine. Emissaries from the family unit seek to barter with moisture farmers, trying to sell reconditioned droids, asking to buy malfunctioning equipment or scrap metal. They usually manage to acquire discarded items for very few credits, which they then fix and sell again, although I understand that [{FantasticRacism humans do not like to deal with Jawas]] because of their offensive smell. Master tinkerers, Jawas know how to make their wares work ''just enough'' that they can sell them, knowing [[KarmaHoudini they will be long gone before an item breaks down again]].

->''"Hey there, every peoples! I'm Bubs. I run the concession stand around the way here. I'm a self-made man, I am, I am. I sell hot dogs, chili dogs, slaw dogs, ketchup dogs and mustard dogs. I got drinks, drinks, drinks, candy and snow cones. I can fix everything what needs fixing. Like cars... [=TVs=]... marriages. Ooh! I can dance, too.'' [starts doing the Wave] ''Shake it once! Shake it twice, a-gimme little bit o' sugar spice! I guess the word that best describes me is: personality. Umm... because I have a good personality. Okay. I gotta get back to work. Come on by! We're always awesome!''

-->-- '''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rsEs4HWXeY Commercial for Big Bill Hell's Cars]]''' [[note]]A parody made by the Advertising Association of Baltimore[[/note]]

-->-- ''{{Garfield}}'', [[http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ga/1987/ga871028.gif 28 October, 1987]]

->''"We salesmen can sell a storm\\
We'll sell ya blankets when you're warm\\
And if you're really really warm\\
We'll sell ya two\\
We've got that charm"''
-->--'''{{Music/Sparks}}''', "Occupation"

->''"These are people who can imbue their conversation voice with a high-frequency sequence of clicks that Morse-codes your credit card into signing up for the extended warranty; you're the kind of person who screws up your taxes because you can't remember if you're supposed to count yourself as a dependent. These are people who could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves; you're a man who recognizes that as a reference to ''Film/TommyBoy''. The game is over before you even realize it's afoot, you fucking half-stack."''
-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-mistakes-you-will-make-when-buying-your-next-car/ "6 Mistakes You Will Make When Buying Your Next Car"]]

->''"Even as he told ''The Guardian'' he wouldn't talk to the press anymore, it was suggested he talked to other outlets. And who even ''believes'' it? He'll be back. He '''[[TenMinuteRetirement always]]''' comes back. And if he told me the sky was blue, I'd look out the window to fucking double-check."''
-->--'''JimSterling''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGo63oAEN20 on]] "The [[Creator/PeterMolyneux Molyneux]] Cycle"

->''"That smile. That oily, drippy, disingenuous smile. It's the kind of smile that lets you know Isiah just got back from grabbing your wife's ass."''
-->--'''[[http://www.gq.com/entertainment/sports/201409/25-biggest-sleazebags-in-sports Drew Magary]]''' on Isiah Thomas, "The 25 Biggest Sleazebags in Sports!"

->''"This one was owned by Carlos the Diamond Smuggler. It corners well, but the gas mileage is bad -- almost as if it has weights hidden in the floorboards."''
-->--'''Dogbert''', ''ComicStrip/{{Dilbert}}''

[[ViewersAreMorons It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker]], you'll fall for this bullshit. '''GUARANTEED!'''\\

'Cause at Big Bill Hell's, you're fucked six ways from Sunday!\\

->''"'''FUCK YOU, BALTIMORE!'''\\
If you're dumb enough to buy a new car this weekend, you're a big enough schmuck to come to Big Bill Hell's Cars!\\

If you find a better deal, '''SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS!'''\\

Baltimore's filthiest, and exclusive home of the meanest sonsabitches in the state of Maryland!\\

Baltimore's filthiest, and home of the meanest sonsabitches in the state of Maryland!\\

It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker, you'll fall for this bullshit. '''GUARANTEED!'''\\

->'''''FUCK YOU, BALTIMORE!'''''\\
If you're dumb enough to buy a new car this weekend, you're a big enough shmuck to come to Big Bill Hell's Cars!\\
Bad deals! Cars that break down! Thieves!\\
If you think you're gonna find a bargain at Big Bill's, you can '''''KISS MY ASS!'''''
-->-- '''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sZuN0xXWLc Parody advert made by the Advertising Association of Baltimore]]'''

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-->-- '''First Folio''', ''TerrorIsland'' [[http://terrorisland.net/strips/048.html theorem 048]]

->"York, why do you turn every conversation into an attempt to sell me something?"\\
-- '''First Folio''', ''TerrorIsland'' [[http://terrorisland.net/strips/048.html theorem 048]]

->Dr. Daniels reminded me of one of those men that sell automobiles to people, claiming they were previously owned by a little old lady who only drove it to play bingo, only to discover the car had been used for taxi service in Tijuana, to outrun the border patrol smuggling illegal aliens from San Diego to Los Angeles, and borrowed on weekends to use as the losing entrant in the demolition derby, plus occasional Sunday morning drive-by shootings where the passers' by shot back.\\
-- '''George Green''' in PaulRobinson's ''The Gatekeeper: The Gate Contracts''

->"[[CatchPhrase It's gettin' tougher and tougher to make an honest buck these days!]]"\\
-- '''Al G. Swindler''', ''WesternAnimation/GarfieldAndFriends''

-- '''Al G. Swindler''', ''GarfieldAndFriends''

-->--'''Dogbert''', ''{{Dilbert}}''

->''"Even as he told ''The Guardian'' he wouldn't talk to the press anymore, it was suggested he talked to other outlets. And who even ''believes'' it? He'll be back. He ''always'' comes back. And if he told me the sky was blue, I'd look out the window to fucking double-check."''
-->--'''JimSterling''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGo63oAEN20 on]]] "The [[Creator/PeterMolyneux Molyneux]] Cycle"

->''"It was all over the minute the manager set his eyes on you, grinned a grinny grin, and said, 'Let's let the new kid take this one.' Remember who you're dealing with here. These are people who play mind-chess against good-natured suckers for a living, and you're someone who apologizes to grocery store cashiers when your diet isn't properly balanced. These are people who can imbue their conversation voice with a high-frequency sequence of clicks that Morse-codes your credit card into signing up for the extended warranty; you're the kind of person who screws up your taxes because you can't remember if you're supposed to count yourself as a dependent. These are people who could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves; you're a man who recognizes that as a reference to ''Film/TommyBoy''. The game is over before you even realize it's afoot, you fucking half-stack."''

->That smile. That oily, drippy, disingenuous smile. It's the kind of smile that lets you know Isiah [Thomas] just got back from grabbing your wife's ass.
-->--'''[[http://www.gq.com/entertainment/sports/201409/25-biggest-sleazebags-in-sports Drew Magary]]''', "The 25 Biggest Sleazebags in Sports!"

->He'll give you a thirty-day warranty,\\
and his handshake is the guarantee.\\
But try to take a car back to his place,\\
and he'll act like he's never seen your face.\\
Don't try to grab him, he'll get away.\\
He eats fish like you every day.\\
He's a slick snake in the grass,\\
you weren't his first, you won't be his last.

->He's out to sell some used cars,\\
and it doesn't matter who you think you are.\\
He's got a line for everyone,\\
he'll treat you like his daughter or son.\\
But wait, don't go for that bait.\\
Too late.
-->-- '''The W's''', "Used Car Salesman"

-->-- '''Bubs''', ''HomestarRunner'', [[http://www.homestarrunner.com/vcr_bubs.html Bubs' character video]]

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