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History Quotes / HonestJohnsDealership

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It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker, you'll fall for this bullshit. '''GUARANTEED!'''\\

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It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker, you'll fall for this bullshit. bullshit! '''GUARANTEED!'''\\
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->''"You know, there are other general store owners that might try to schiest a newbie like you with some fast-talkin' to turn a quick buck but I like you, so lemme tell you what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna give you one wagon for the price of two, not a penny less, and for an extra fifty bucks, I'm gonna throw in an ox, for ''free''."''
-->-- '''General Store Owner''', ''Theatre/TheTrailToOregon''
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->''"See this junker? I paid a hundred dollars for 'er. She's got a hundred and twenty thousand thousand miles on 'er. Transmission shot. Bumpers are fallin' off. What do I do with 'er? Hm? I ''sell'' 'er!"''

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->''"See this junker? I paid a hundred dollars for 'er. her. She's got a hundred and twenty thousand thousand miles on 'er.her. Transmission shot. Bumpers are fallin' off. What do I do with 'er? her? Hm? I ''sell'' 'er!"''her!"''
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->''"See this junker? I paid a hundred dollars for 'er. She's got a hundred and twenty thousand thousand miles on 'er. Transmission shot. Bumpers are fallin' off. What do I do with 'er? Hm? I ''sell'' 'er!"''
-->--'''Harry Wormwood''', ''Film/{{Matilda}}''
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-->--'''Senior Anthropologist Hoole,''' ''[[Franchise/StarWarsLegends The Illustrated Star Wars Universe]]''

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-->--'''Senior Anthropologist Hoole,''' ''[[Franchise/StarWarsLegends The Illustrated Star Wars Universe]]''
''Literature/TheIllustratedStarWarsUniverse''
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That's right, '''[[{{Cuckold}} we'll fuck your wife!]]\\

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That's right, '''[[{{Cuckold}} we'll fuck your wife!]]\\wife!]]'''\\

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Bring your trade! Bring your title! [[BreadEggsMilkSquick Bring your wife!]]\\
[[{{Cuckold}} We'll '''fuck her!''']]\\
That's right, we'll '''fuck''' your wife!\\

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Bring your trade! Bring your title! [[BreadEggsMilkSquick Bring your wife!]]\\
[[{{Cuckold}}
wife!]] We'll '''fuck her!''']]\\
her!'''\\
That's right, '''[[{{Cuckold}} we'll '''fuck''' fuck your wife!\\wife!]]\\
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->''"'''[[RidiculouslyLoudCommercial FUCK YOU, BALTIMORE]]!'''\\

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->''"'''[[RidiculouslyLoudCommercial ->''"'''[[RRatedOpening FUCK YOU, BALTIMORE]]!'''\\



We'll '''fuck her!'''\\

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[[{{Cuckold}} We'll '''fuck her!'''\\her!''']]\\
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Home of '''[[ToiletHumor CHALLENGE PISSING!]]'''\\

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Home of '''[[ToiletHumor '''[[ToiletHumour CHALLENGE PISSING!]]'''\\
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-->-- '''George Green''' in PaulRobinson's ''The Gatekeeper: The Gate Contracts''

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-->-- '''George Green''' in PaulRobinson's ''The Gatekeeper: Creator/PaulRobinson's ''Literature/TheGatekeeper: The Gate Contracts''
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->''My name is [[PunnyName Rob U. Blind]], traveling salesman!''
-->--'''Robbie Rotten''' in [[MasterOfDisguise disguise]], ''Series/{{LazyTown}}''
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->''Hey, I'm Captain Honestbeard. Everything I sell here has been obtained through 100% legitimate means. Nothing shady goes on here at all. Take a look around and see if there's anything you'd like.''
-->--'''Captain Honestbeard''', ''VideoGame/OceansHeart''
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-> HEAR THOSE [Balloons]??? YOU ARE [1000th Customer]!!. AS A [Commemorative Ring] I WILL LET YOU BUY [[=KeyGen=]] FROM ME AT [The Low Low Price Of] WHAT DO YOU THINK!?!? IT'S SUCH A STEAL, I'M [$!X$]ING MYSELF!!! TAKE THIS DEAL AND YOU WILL [[Die]]!! IT'S THAT GOOD!!!
-->-- ''Spamton'', ''Videogame/{{Deltarune}}''

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-> HEAR ->''HEAR THOSE [Balloons]??? YOU ARE [1000th Customer]!!. AS A [Commemorative Ring] I WILL LET YOU BUY [[=KeyGen=]] FROM ME AT [The Low Low Price Of] WHAT DO YOU THINK!?!? IT'S SUCH A STEAL, I'M [$!X$]ING MYSELF!!! TAKE THIS DEAL AND YOU WILL [[Die]]!! IT'S THAT GOOD!!!
GOOD!!!''
-->-- ''Spamton'', '''Spamton''', ''Videogame/{{Deltarune}}''
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-> HEAR THOSE [Balloons]??? YOU ARE [1000th Customer]!!. AS A [Commemorative Ring] I WILL LET YOU BUY [[=KeyGen=]] FROM ME AT [The Low Low Price Of] WHAT DO YOU THINK!?!? IT'S SUCH A STEAL, I'M [$!X$]ING MYSELF!!! TAKE THIS DEAL AND YOU WILL [[Die]]!! IT'S THAT GOOD!!!
-->-- ''Spamton'', ''Videogame/{{Deltarune}}''
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How does it work? If you can piss six feet in the air straight up, and not get wet, you get '''no down payment!'''\\

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How does it work? [[ImpossibleTask If you can piss six feet in the air straight up, up and not get wet, wet]], you get '''no down payment!'''\\
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Bring your trade! Bring your title! Bring your wife!\\

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Bring your trade! Bring your title! [[BreadEggsMilkSquick Bring your wife!\\wife!]]\\



Home of '''CHALLENGE PISSING!'''\\

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Home of '''CHALLENGE PISSING!'''\\'''[[ToiletHumor CHALLENGE PISSING!]]'''\\



Don't wait! Don't delay! Don't fuck with us, [[GroinAttack or we'll rip your nuts off]]!\\

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Don't wait! Don't delay! Don't fuck with us, [[GroinAttack [[FreudianThreat or we'll rip your nuts off]]!\\



Go to Hell! Big Bill Hell's Cars!\\

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[[AbusiveAdvertising Go to Hell! Big Bill Hell's Cars!\\Cars!]]\\
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->'''Crazy Vaclav:''' She'll do 300 hectares on a single tank of kerosene.\\
'''Homer:''' ''[fiddling with Cyrillic gear display]'' What country is this car from?\\
'''Vaclav:''' It...no longer exists.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "Mr. Plow"
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Baltimore's filthiest, and exclusive home of the meanest sons-of-bitches in the state of Maryland!\\

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[[CardCarryingJerkass Baltimore's filthiest, and exclusive home of the meanest sons-of-bitches in the state of Maryland!\\Maryland!]]\\
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->This Navigator does not have the original wheels. But it does have sort of different, special wheels that were almost surely installed in the period, probably by the original Lincoln dealer who told their customers "Oh yeah, these are nicer, fancier wheels, and oh by the way they're two-thousand dollars extra".
-->--'''Doug [=DeMuro=]''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vdv3RFSDA68 The 1998 Lincoln Navigator Was the First Big Luxury SUV]]''

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