History Narm / JackChick

** God is a [[YouCannotGraspItsTrueForm gleaming]] EldritchAbomination who eternally damns His children.

* "What should I do, Jesus?!"\\

* The [[http://www.unlockip.org/index.php?q=aHR0cDovL3JhdGlvbmFsd2lraS5vcmcvd2lraS9pbWFnZXMvYS9hOS9KYWNrX2NoaWNrX3NjYXJ5X3Blb3BsZS5wbmc%3D picture]] linked to under ArsonMurderAndJaywalking from the main page, especially the snarling Sikh who's going to stab you with his giant kirpan.

** This.

(Emphasis originally present.)

* One page from ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1021/1021_01.asp Something In Common?]]'' is full of Narm. It includes these gems:

** The man's about to jump. A man comes up to him and, what else, starts telling him about Jesus. The first man gives the gem "This better be good, or I'm going to jump!".

* His native tract is particularly fun. Inherently, American Indians are a direct contradiction of Christian theology (a benevolent god...who damns people to hell for not believing in Him, even if they've never heard of Him), so...

** The shaved heads and long hair. Long hair on men is a symbol of AIM, so we'll give him credit for that. But it has UnfortunateImplications. (Being against having uranium tailings in your water is a sin! Being a teetotaller is a sin!) And naturally if you don't have long hair, you have a mohawk.

* The panel where the devil is revealed with a [[UnsoundEffect ZAP.]]
* The band in ''Why No Revival'' has two songs titled "Rock of Ages" and "Rock for the Rock". Now, there is a good rock/metal song called "Rock of Ages" out there, but "Rock for the Rock" smacks of SpinalTap.
** By Chick's logic, [[BeyondTheImpossible the entire discography of]] TheBeatles [[CriticalResearchFailure and every other rock band ON EARTH]] comprises demonic hard metal songs bent on sending souls to "Lew Siffer". [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Even the Christian bands]]. [[SarcasmMode Yes, the only way a band can sing about peace, love, and happiness are if they are with Lew.]]

* This little gem from ''Doom Town'':

--> "[[LiesDamnedLiesAndStatistics 12%]] of the [[ChildrenAreInnocent little boys and girls growing up]] are going to be '''''[[BoldInflation lesbians]]''''' and '''''[[DidNotDoTheResearch homosexuals]]'''''...[[WhatTheHellHero And they are]] '''''[[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotHeinous NOT]]''''' [[WallBanger going to be called faggots, dykes, queers and sissies.]] '''[[FlatWhat WE ARE GOING TO SAVE OUR CHILDREN.]]'''"

**** Who he then ate, with some fava beans and a nice chianti. * SLURPSLURPSLURP*

** It also has the line, "Then I'll give you a wedding present... Some AIDS!"

** -->'''Tyler:''' Now I see why Jesus is banned in our school and why we ''hate'' him and his ''cruel'' Ten Commandments! Only weak, ''inferior'' people like you believe that ''nonsense!''

Because we '''need one''' for {{Jack Chick}}. [[EvilLaugh HAW HAW HAW.]]

* By his logic, "Let it Be", "All You Need is Love", "Hey Jude", "Dear Prudence", "Here Comes the Sun", and [[BeyondTheImpossible THE ENTIRE COLLECTION OF]] TheBeatles [[CriticalResearchFailure and every other rock band ON EARTH]] demonic hard metal songs bent on sending souls to "Lew Siffer".[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Even Christian bands]]. [[SarcasmMode Because the only way a band can sing about peace, love, and happiness are if they are with Lew.]] I'm not particularly fond of "na na na na na na na na na Hey Jude", but it's [[EarWorm catchy]] and not demonic.

* "What should I do, Jesus?!" "Bang on the door!" "Okay!"

*** If TheBeatles are "hard rock" What's "heavy death metal"? It's probably [[EarthBound Giygas]] with [[HPLovecraft Cthulhu]], [[{{Fantasia}} Chernabog]] and [[GreekMythology Hades]] or something.

* By his logic, "Let it Be", "All You Need is Love", "Hey Jude", "Dear Prudence", "Here Comes the Sun", and [[BeyondTheImpossible THE ENTIRE COLLECTION OF]] TheBeatles [[CriticalResearchFailure and every other rock band ON EARTH]] demonic hard metal songs bent on sending souls to "Lew Siffer".[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Even Christian bands]]. [[SarcasmMode Because the only way a band can sing about peace, love, and happiness are if they are with Lew.]] FacePalm.

** In one panel, Lew Siffer presents a chart explaining how he masterminded the evolution of rock music which classifies ElvisPresley and {{the Beatles}} as HardRock. Now consider [[SillyLoveSongs the kinds of songs most people associate them with]]. If "Suspicious Minds" and "All You Need Is Love" are HardRock, then what would ''soft'' rock be?
** This Troper finds the funniest part to be the panel where the devil is revealed with a ZAP.

* Chick's [[GeneralRipper rants against the Catholic Church]] are at once funny and sad. To hear him tell it, an AncientConspiracy issuing from the Vatican has been responsible for the following: both [[WorldWarI World]] [[WorldWarII Wars]], the Holocaust (in which Catholics were killed), the assassinations of [[AbrahamLincoln Lincoln]] and [[JohnFKennedy Kennedy]] ([[CriticalResearchFailure the first Catholic president]]), the attempted assassination of '''[[ThePope Pope John Paul II]]''' (it was faked, don'chaknow!), the Ku Klux Klan (also anti-Catholic), UsefulNotes/{{Islam}} (the Koran would have Catholics be killed, converted, or enslaved), Communism (simply anti-religion), UsefulNotes/{{Mormonism}} (a.k.a. the Latter Day Saints, which blames Catholics for the corruption of TheBible), Jehovah's Witnesses, and more. When his claims proved so virulent and erroneous that Protestant bookstores stopped stocking his comics, he blamed the Catholics for ''that''!

*Any panel where a silhouetted angel casually tosses someone into the lake of fire. Also, Giant Faceless God.