History Main / HaveIMentionedIAmHeteroSexualToday

* There's a common joke among Trans and Gay people on ''Website/{{Tumblr}}'' and ''Website/{{Reddit}}'' that a very common sign of being trans or gay is thinking "I wish I was a boy/girl/nonbinary" or "I wish I was attracted to boys/girls." The common response to such thinking is "Do I have some news for you"

* Klinger from ''Series/{{MASH}}'' spent much of the series crossdressing in an attempt to appear insane and get a psychiatric discharge from the army. When an actual psychicatrist comes to the MASH in one episode, Klinger spends the entire episode following him around and acting as crazy as possible in the hopes of getting a Section 8. The guy isn't fooled, but he eventually gets so sick of Klinger's harassment that he offers to file a report stating that Klinger is a homosexual [[TransEqualsGay transvestite]], which would be an [[ValuesDissonance automatic discharge]]. Klinger refuses to go along with it, insisting he is straight, but "just crazy".

* Klinger from ''Series/{{MASH}}'' spent much of the series crossdressing in an attempt to appear insane and get a psychiatric discharge from the army. When an actual psychicatrist comes to the MASH in one episode, Klinger spends the entire episode following him around and acting as crazy as possible to get a Section 8. The guy isn't fooled, but he eventually gets so sick of Klinger's harassment that he offers to file a report stating that Klinger is a homosexual [[TransEqualsGay transvestite]], which would be an [[ValuesDissonance automatic discharge]]. Klinger refuses to go along with it, insisting he is straight, but "just crazy".

* Klinger from ''Series/{{MASH}}'' spent much of the series crossdressing in an attempt to appear insane in order to get a psychiatric discharge from the army. When an actual psychicatrist comes to the MASH in one episode, Klinger spends the entire episode following him around and acting as crazy as possible to get a Section 8. The guy isn't fooled, but he eventually gets so sick of Klinger's harassment that he offers to file a report stating that Klinger is a homosexual [[TransIsGay transvestite]], which would be an automatic discharge. Klinger refuses to go along with it, insisting he is straight, but "just crazy".

** Kyle Broflovski is often MistakenForGay with his mortal enemy/frenemy, Eric Cartman. Whether or not it's because [[ItMakesSenseInContext Cartman gave him AIDs]], or because Cartman sabotages Kyle's date with a girl by singing to him in front of thousands of people, Kyle would like you to know that he is definitely not in any way involved with Eric Cartman. Now [[AmbiguouslyGay Cartman, on the other hand...]]

* Ironically Music/Macklemore mentions his heterosexuality multiple times in his Main/GayAesop song "Same Love." We get it, you like girls despite...also liking to draw (?!?)

* Yuuri, the main character of ''Literature/KyoKaraMaoh'', finds his cries largely ignored in a world where, apparently, EveryoneIsBi. It doesn't help that he's got an [[UnwantedHarem all-male harem]]. Or a male [[AccidentalMarriage fiancee]]. Who he [[HasTwoMommies adopted a child with]].

* In the ''Series/{{Poirot}}'' adaptation of ''Literature/CardsOnTheTable'', Poirot deduces that [[spoiler: Dr. Roberts]] is gay and is having an affair with another man. He initially became suspicious because the man won't shut up about what a ladies man he is, and yet he's blatantly ignoring his SexySecretary.

* In YouTuber Room604's ''Yet Another Neon Genesis Evangelion Abridged Series'', Maya Ibuki constantly makes remarks about sleeping with men in a futile attempt to closet her lesbianism. For example in EP20 ''Solvent'':

* PlayedForLaughs in ''LightNovel/{{Baccano}}'' with Christopher Shouldered. Being under the impression that his {{Vitriolic Best Bud|s}} Chi might have a crush on him, Christopher tends to punctuate any sort of statement of affection with the fact that he's not into men, lest Chi gets his hopes up. Chi just begrudgingly puts up with it like the rest of Christopher's [[CloudCuckoolander eccentric behavior.]]
* In the original ''LightNovel/DirtyPair'' light novel, Kei's narration at one point has to say that she and Yuri aren't lesbians - right after saying how inseparable they were, and shortly after narrating how she often has a StupidSexyFlanders moment when looking at her.

* In ''LightNovel/TheFamiliarOfZero'' has the flamboyantly CampGay stereotype bar owner Scarron, such as wearing dresses and having his all-female staff refer to him as mademoiselle. Come to the surprise to both the viewers and the cast that Jessica is his daughter.

* Yuuri, the main character of ''LightNovel/KyoKaraMaoh'', finds his cries largely ignored in a world where, apparently, EveryoneIsBi. It doesn't help that he's got an [[UnwantedHarem all-male harem]]. Or a male [[AccidentalMarriage fiancee]]. Who he [[HasTwoMommies adopted a child with]].

* In ''[[LightNovel/HaruhiSuzumiya The Wavering of Haruhi Suzumiya]]'', sexually insecure teenage {{narrator}} Kyon is very careful to remind the reader of his heterosexuality in this story where men seem to be constantly be implying attraction to him, either through OutOfContextEavesdropping or just being [[AmbiguouslyGay Itsuki Koizumi]].
-->'''Kyon:''' Now let me set the record straight, I am an absolutely normal heterosexual male. My preference for "the same team" weighs less than that of a hummingbird, in other words, it's non-existent. Whether subconsciously or unconsciously, my preference has been "straight". See? Aren't I right? My body would go hot just thinking about [[{{Moe}} Asahina-san.]] If [[AmbiguouslyGay Koizumi]] had called me saying such stuff, I would've hung up already. By the way, [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial I'm not bisexual either.]] Do I make myself clear?

[[caption-width-right:324:[[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Thanks for pointing that out.]]

* ''Literature/BeMoreChill'': Jeremy seems to be pretty insecure about people possibly thinking he's gay. He literally comments to the [[MakesSenseInContext computerized voice of Keanu Reeves in his brain]] that walking in a certain posture makes him feel gay. When he answers the phone to his male best friend while...[[ADateWithRosiePalms having some fun]]...and doesn't stop, he makes a point to clarify himself to the reader.

* In ''Manga/KaguyaSamaLoveIsWar'' Fujiwara Chika states that despite she supporting LGBT, she is heterosexual after Hayasaka tried to kiss her, eventually in chapter 255 she finally admits she'd be okay with Hayasaka kissing her.

* ''LightNovel/MyNextLifeAsAVillainessAllRoutesLeadToDoom'': Katarina is so consistent about mentioning she's straight when talking about how her female friends cause her to swoon a little that the question becomes more whether she's in denial about being bisexual or whether she genuinely doesn't realize it than whether she's ''actually'' straight or not. Take a drink every time she thinks to herself "if I was a guy, I'd marry her", and you'll probably pass out.

* One issue of ''ComicBook/BirdsOfPrey'' has ComicBook/BlackCanary going up against Talia, daughter of Ra's al Ghul. Talia's main power appears to be wearing {{stripperiffic}} outfits and dominating people with her vampy dialog. But Canary isn't the least impressed with her because "I'm heterosexual to the bone!" [[WordOfGod Gail Simone]] stated that the original line was "seventy-five percent heterosexual", but a mix-up with the placeholder dialog replaced it.
* Used repeatedly in several [[http://www.captainexcelsior.com/?id=1 CAPTAIN EXCELSIOR]] strips after Ward [[spoiler:sleeps with the owner of the Homosexual Intercourse]]. [[http://www.captainexcelsior.com/?id=50 #47]] [[http://www.captainexcelsior.com/?id=51 #48]] [[http://www.captainexcelsior.com/?id=54 #51]] [[http://www.captainexcelsior.com/?id=55 #52]]
* ComicBook/{{Deadpool}} cracks jokes about his HoYay with people half the time, and spends the other half saying homoerotic stuff about Cable[=/=]Weasel[=/=]Spider-Man[=/=]Thor, only to immediately insist that he's straight. If this sounds contradictory, remember that this is [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} Deadpool.]] Possibly the best example came when the Black Mamba's powers made him picture his greatest fantasy -- rubbing suntan lotion on Cable's back at the beach. "That was ''not'' my fantasy! It was you -- that Darkforce stuff planted that image in my head!"
* Seems to strike ''ComicBook/GothamCitySirens''; when Creator/PaulDini isn't writing, ComicBook/PoisonIvy must mention how she likes guys or fall for a male plant alien or yell about how she's forever alone. Some people really can't handle the Ivy/Harley relationship.

* ComicBook/KateBishop has a moment of this at the end of Volume 2 of ''ComicBook/YoungAvengers'', where she wonders out loud if she's the token straight of the CastFullOfGay. America's response?
-->'''ComicBook/AmericaChavez:''' Princess. I've seen the way you look at me. [[AmbiguouslyBi You're not that straight]].

* Played with in ''FanFic/WithPearlAndRubyGlowing'': [[{{WesternAnimation/Ballerina}} Rudi]] actually is straight, but is assaulted by HeteronormativeCrusaders for being a ballerino and thus supposedly a "sissy", after which he develops a compulsion to have sex with as many girls as possible to make it clear to himself and others that he's not gay so no one will assault him again. [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior Which is bad enough before taking into account that he started this around age nine.]]

** In the first two Film/BillAndTed films, Bill and Ted are given British girlfriends from the Middle Ages who contribute nothing to the plot, apparently just to show moral guardians that the two boys who do absolutely everything together are totally straight.

* Halfway through the "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNc7EPGpaRQ I Like Boys]]" number in ''Film/TeenWitch'', you'll be thinking those girls are obviously in serious denial.

** Then there's the rainbow-themed closet parties he threw in college. Or the spectacular line "refuting" the gay-rights argument that nobody accuses straight people of ''choosing'' to be straight -- it went something like, "Damn right I chose to be straight! I wake up ''every morning'' and fight those urges!" Or [[http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-june-11-2001/fruit-juice this]] ''Daily Show'' piece which contains the classic line, "We don't ''hate'' gay people. [[StupidSexyFlanders We're just angry at the ones who turn us on.]]"
** Played with on [[http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/268494/march-30-2010/ricky-martin-is-gay this segment]][[note]] March 30, 2010[[/note]] when Music/RickyMartin came out of the closet. (Skip to 01:50)

* ''Series/MadTV'' parodied Music/MichaelJackson's "You Rock My World" and its video as "I Do Like Girls", referencing the tendency of several of his videos (including this one) to portray him as a ladykiller, while his RealLife behavior suggested he kept that part of his private life, well, private. (Anything that did go off-message was too odd to tell.)

* In the ''Series/{{Poirot}}'' adaptation of ''Literature/CardsOnTheTable'', Poirot deduces that [[spoiler: Dr Roberts]] is gay and is having an affair with another man. He initially became suspicious because the man won't shut up about what a ladies man he is, and yet he's blatantly ignoring his SexySecretary.

-->'''J.D.:''' ''[waking from an ImagineSpot]'' STOP IT! I DON'T HAVE GAY JUNGLE FEVER!\\

* This is the purpose of the GorgeousGeorge gimmick, if not outright to claim to be heterosexual, then at least to constantly present ''[[AmbiguouslyGay reasonable]]'' doubt that you are homosexual. Wrestling/GeorgeWagner openly admits to getting the idea for the gimmick from a guy who acted really gay but was constantly flanked by females and while George did without that particular bit, several of his successors such as Wrestling/ExoticAdrianStreet, Wrestling/{{Goldust}} and Wrestling/RicoConstantino at least brought in one woman, Miss Linda, [[Wrestling/TerriRunnels Marlena]] or Wrestling/LunaVachon, [[{{expy}} Miss Jackie]] who they'd get up close with in between their harassment of men.

* Wrestling/KevinSteen and Wrestling/TheYoungBucks said they would force all who got in the way of Wrestling/ProWrestlingGuerilla Champion Wrestling/AdamCole to suck Cole's dick, but ''they'' don't actually do that kind of thing. They also told all the fans [[XPacHeat who had not appreciated]] them prior and or not bought their {{merchandise|driven}} to suck their dicks, but not literally, Cole's the only one who actually does that sort of thing.

* In ''WebVideo/GameGrumps'', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fI-2YC78Z80 at the end of their Ninja Breadman episode]] Creator/{{Egoraptor}} explains how when he was younger (as an ironic jab against bullies accusing him and his friends of being gay) he and his friends formed The D-Club which consisted mostly of just showing each other their penises and going "Yep, still not gay." A rather bizarre use of this trope and one which [[NinjaSexParty Danny]] was convinced was still very homoerotic. They spent [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbPy1eEz9Ao an entire episode of Katamari Damacy]] debating whether or not The D-Club was actually gay, though Danny seemed to just be playing devil's advocate because he found Arin's flustered defenses hilarious. It didn't help Arin's case that he admitted that [[DiggingYourselfDeeper wieners had touched at some point.]]

* ''WebVideo/TheJokerBlogs'': In Thomas Eliot's [[ADayInTheLimelight day in the limelight]] short [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHVwLTCFsi0&feature=g-subs-u The Doctor is in]] he is shown bedding every man that he lay his eyes on. He later shares a drink with [[Comicbook/{{Catwoman}} Selina Kyle]].

* In ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'' episode "Slice of Life", [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbXfdKROeyM Lyra and Bon Bon claim to be best friends]]. [[https://www.ponychan.net/oat/src/1434242503270.png The fandom doesn't buy it]]. This was of course after the Equestria Girls versions in ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyEquestriaGirlsRainbowRocks'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwAOtd4f7M8 seemed to be a bit closer than friends as well]]. [[spoiler:They end up proposing to each other and getting married near the end of the series.]]

** In the first few seasons, Mr. Garrison ''massively'' overcompensated for his closet homosexuality by constantly talking about how straight he was. He would meantion, apropos of nothing, how he was always on the hunt for "poontang" as well as bashing gay people whenever he could. It was a surprise to zero people when he came out.

* In ''Fanfic/CodeGeassThePreparedRebellion'', Kallen is adamant she is not bi-curious; C.C. calls her out by saying Kallen liked the attention and didn't throw C.C. off despite having the strength to do so. Kallen still says she isn't despite having a hard time keeping her eyes away from C.C.'s SexyWalk.

* For most of her first season on ''Series/{{Skins}}'', Naomi Campbell ([[NamesTheSame not that one]]) made numerous protestations of her heterosexuality. Since she'd say this in between passionate make-out sessions and sex with Emily, neither Emily nor the audience was inclined to believe her.

* Richard Papen, the main character and narrator of ''Literature/TheSecretHistory'', mentions that he is not attracted to men, every time he mentions someone who is. Or if he's wondering if someone is gay. Or if he just hasn't mentioned it in a bit. Or for literally any reason.

* Obviously actual sex isn't an issue because the characters are LivingToys and it's a family movie, but in ''WesternAnimation/RaggedyAnnAndAndyAMusicalAdventure'', Andy feels the need to insist (in song, no less) that even though he's a soft, cuddly ragdoll owned by a girl who's into dresses and tea parties and all the finest in stereotyped little girl interests, he's "No Girl's Toy".
-->''You may not like it much, but I'm my own best boy\\
And not some sugar-and-spice-y, lacy-and-nice-y\\
Sissy you're gonna enjoy\\
No, I'm no girl's toy!''

* Wiki/RationalWiki has a category called [[https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Category:Completely_heterosexual Completely heterosexual]].