Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?
"Because you see, if it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay! (But I'm not gay.)"
The opposite of Everyone Is Gay
, Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today is a trope that takes place in a genre filled to the brim with Ho Yay
. So, to compensate for this, every other line of dialogue comments on how some character is straight and their relationship with someone else is platonic. Every other cast member also
comments on how this person is in fact in a totally normal-type relationship. Not That There's Anything Wrong with That
, but they aren't.
This isn't just a story that turns someone straight
or just takes a hardline on Ship Tease
... this is a story where nobody will shut up about it, ever. Naturally, because of Suspiciously Specific Denial
, many people will interpret this as a case of Transparent Closet
whether the character is gay or not. As with similar tropes, like Most Definitely Not a Villain
and Hugh Mann
, many writers play this trope straight on purpose.
If they're not just trying to convince people which way they swing but that they swing at all
, it's Have I Mentioned I Am Sexually Active Today?
This trope sometimes accompanies various Gender Blending Tropes
(e.g., Wholesome Crossdresser
) as a way of lampshading that the character does not
conform to stereotypes like Trans Equals Gay
, is not
a Drag Queen
If a character achieves this through acting gay, that is Gay Bravado
. Contrast Armored Closet Gay
when the person is both gay and homophobic.
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Anime and Manga
- Gojyo from Gensoumaden Saiyuki lives to constantly remind everyone in the Sanzo Party that he loves the ladies, yet outside of one episode not canon to the comics, Gojyo has never been with a woman despite his good looks. He has the strongest gay vibes of anyone in the group, picking to particular person to shovel that on to. It doesn't help that the mangaka has a history in BL mangas.
- Nor does it help that the next strongest candidate in the cast for gayness is his best friend and roommate of several years, Cho Hakkai. Theoretically, they are Heterosexual Life-Partners, but there's plenty of room for question on the "heterosexual" part of that. And their past-life incarnations, Kenren and Tenpou, were even worse, up to and including outright joking about being a married couple.
- The infamous Sailor Moon season 3 Cloverway dub had everyone, even random Monsters Of The Week, blessed with the knowledge and the compulsion to comment on how not only is "Amara" the cousin of "Michelle", but so were Sailors Uranus and Neptune cousins. The fact that the dubbers were lazy and forgot (or did they?) to remove many Les Yay scenes made it even more of a farce.
- Some hardline Sailor Mars fans claim her abortive crush on Mamoru in the television show (and found nowhere else) was an attempt to downplay the fact she Does Not Like Men, since none of the other boyfriendless girls has a similar subplot. Ironically, the idea Rei leans a bit is a running gag in later seasons. Newer adaptations seem to avoid giving her romantic pursuits altogether. The original manga version had her regain memories of her past life where she made a vow of chastity to the Princess. She gets no romance what so ever after this, though a flashback chapter does show that a man more or less broke her heart before she regained her memories which may have added another reason for keeping that vow.
- In The Wavering of Haruhi Suzumiya sexually-insecure teenage narrator Kyon is very careful to remind the reader of his heterosexuality in this story where men seem to be constantly be implying attraction to him, either through Three Is Company misunderstandings or just being Itsuki Koizumi.
Now let me set the record straight, I am an absolutely normal heterosexual male. My preference for "the same team" weighs less than that of a humming bird, in other words, it's non-existent. Whether subconsciously or unconsciously, my preference has been "straight". See? Aren't I right? My body would go hot just thinking about Asahina-san. If Koizumi had called me saying such stuff, I would've hung up already. By the way, I'm not bisexual either. Do I make myself clear?
- Kyon is a master of this trope, and due to his role in the story may be edging into Suspiciously Specific Denial.
- Actually, this might not be as deserving as it seems — Koizumi, for one, isn't all that homosexual in the original novels (largely seems to be an invention of Kyo Ani, who knows their audience too well,) and this is one of the only "I'm not gay" moments in the novels (presuming the fan translations to be accurate.) Kyon's wordy denials of things are a characteristic trait of his narrational style, and are as likely to be Thou Dost Protest Too Much (especially when denying feelings for Haruhi and/or his enjoyment of the crazy adventures around him) as they are to be genuine denials. Besides, that specific incident came right after what sounded like an incredibly Soap Opera-ish confession of love by an old classmate over the phone. It makes things a little uncomfortable for Kyon until the classmate clarifies that it's for Yuki.
- Yuki of Gravitation spends the first couple of books reminding Shuichi about how straight he is. Less ironically, Hiro is also very conscious about his status as the token heterosexual around.
- The creator seems to enjoy throwing in little bits of Hiro-Shuichi Ho Yay everywhere. Witness the pocky incident in the very first episode. Also when Hiro is about to leave the band ("Your dream is my dream!" "And your dream is my dream!"). However, his crush on Ayaka is perfectly sufficient to serve the purpose of pairing him up and signaling to the audience that Hiro is (mostly) straight and the Ho Yay isn't going anywhere.
- And remember the doujinshis the creator published herself... we see Hiro is really bisexual, if anyone considers those canon.
- A slight variation: In the hentai anime Frantic, Frustrated, Female and its sequels, the main character regularly refer to her friend as "onee-chan" (sister) and her landlady as "okaa-san" (mother), which is the emotional relationship she has with them. Every time she uses these words, and I mean, EVERY time, the subtitling is quick to point out that they're not related, and thus the lesbian sex scenes do not imply incest. M'kay?
- Arashi from Paradise Kiss has to remind both the readers and George that he is heterosexual, thank you, about as often as the latter brings up the subject that he plays for both teams -i.e., fairly often.
- Something of an example in Angel Densetsu. While not intended as gay, it was noted that the character Yuji displayed a lot of Ho Yay towards the hero. Thus, in later parts of the manga, Yuji develops some Belligerent Sexual Tension with Ikuno, thereby establishing him as heterosexual. But he still wanted to really to go hug him when he revealed his woobie past...
- Kaorin from Azumanga Daioh says she's straight, though it's quite obviously a coverup.
- In Lucky Star Konata once stated while she is a yuri fangirl she is not a lesbian.
- While not actually said, Shugo Chara! made it clear that Nagihiko is straight in episode 56 when he's assigned as the newest Jack's Chair . He refuses, and Tadase, as an attempt to change his mind, shows off his Bishie Sparkle. However, Nagihiko isn't at all amused by this. Later, when Tadase and Kukai tell Amu, a girl, about Nagihiko being the new Jack, Amu lets out her own Bishie Sparkle, to which Nagihiko cannot resist. This alone counts as enough evidence that, yes, he likes girls.
- In Revolutionary Girl Utena, Utena makes sure to tell Anthy that she, despite all appearances, is just into normal boys. Played for Drama: Utena is only 14 and simply doesn't know what love is yet, and her desire to be straight leaves her wide open to the destructive sexual manipulation done by Anthy's brother Akio.
- Later on in the series, this is Played for Laughs when Touga claims to be straight. Even though his Ho Yay with Akio is through the roof, and the two are actually seen rolling around on a bed together with their pants undone. Plus the number of scenes where Touga and Saionji are shirtless together for no apparent reason.
- Even worse in the second light novel, when Touga asks Saionji out on a double date then denies swinging that way, despite the fact that he's nailing Miki in the novels.
- In a case of "Have I Mentioned I Am A Heterosexual Male Today?", Kyo of Girl Got Game, a Sweet Polly Oliver worrying that her secret has been compromised, tries to reinforce her cover by going around groping girls wildly. The results are mixed.
- In The Tyrant Falls in Love, the main character Tatsumi, even after he has consensual sex with Morinaga, insists that he "is not a damned homo!".
- Yuuri, the main character of Kyo Kara Maoh, finds his cries largely ignored in a world where, apparently, Everyone Is Bi. It doesn't help that he's got an all-male harem. Or a male fiancee. Who he adopted a child with.
- In The Familiar Of Zero has the flamboyantly Camp Gay stereotype bar owner Scarron, such as wearing dresses and having his all female staff refer to him as madamoiselle. Come to the surprise to both the viewers and the cast that Jessica is his daughter.
- In Angel Beats!, Hinata has to continually reinforce to Otanashi that he isn't like that, subverted later in the series.
- Played for Laughs in Baccano! with Christopher Shouldered. Being under the impression that his Vitriolic Best Bud Chi might have a crush on him, Christopher tends to punctuate any sort of statement of affection with the fact that he's not into men, lest Chi get his hopes up. Chi just begrudgingly puts up with it like the rest of Christopher's eccentric behavior.
- Ryo from FAKE claims to be straight whenever Dee comes onto him. He's not very convincing seeing how he always let's Dee kiss him and voluntarily kisses Dee at times too. He eventually gives in to Dee and considers himself a gay man despite having past hetero relationships.
- One issue of Birds of Prey has Black Canary going up against Talia, daughter of Ra's al Ghul. Talia's main power appears to be wearing stripperiffic outfits and dominating people with her vampy dialog. But Canary isn't the least impressed with her because 'I'm heterosexual to the bone!'. Gail Simone stated that the original line was "seventy-five percent heterosexual", but a mix up with the placeholder dialog replaced it.
- Used repeatedly in several CAPTAIN EXCELSIOR strips after Ward sleeps with the owner of the Homosexual Intercourse. #47 #48 #51 #52
- Seems to strike Gotham City Sirens when Paul Dini isn't writing, Ivy must mention how she likes guys or fall for a male plant alien or yell about how she's forever alone. Some people really can't handle the Ivy/Harley relationship.
- Deadpool cracks jokes about his Ho Yay with people half the time, and spends the other half saying homoerotic stuff about Cable / Weasel / Spider-Man / Thor, only to immediately insist that he's straight. If this sounds contradictory, remember that this is Deadpool. Possibly the best example came when the Black Mamba's powers made him picture his greatest fantasy — rubbing suntan lotion on Cable's back at the beach. "That was not my fantasy! It was you — that Darkforce stuff planted that image in my head!"
- And when he tried to prove to Black Mamba, Asp, and Diamondback that he was clearly heterosexual, he dropped his pants to show off. He still had on the yellow panties from earlier, when he was in a Marvel Girl outfit to "distract Cable with my sexy legs."
- The Girl Who Lived: Rose Potter, who despite ogling naked girls and going to sleep with Ginny and waking up in a spooning position, is not a lesbian.
- Sonichu: Christian W. Chandler would like to remind you to STAY STRAIGHT!
- This is the main reason some hold to the idea of it all being mega-epic Trolling. He discusses what he has to do to 'stay straight,' nicknames himself Chris-Chan, compares himself to Chun-Li of all Street Fighter characters, and on and on and on, but is absolutely definitely not one of those evil gay people, really.
- How Hogwarts Became A Nudist Colony: "Draco is straight now."
- Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami: Dark Yagami could have this trope renamed in his dubious honor:
Light’s parents had made light’s bed into a double bed (I know what your thinking sickos no theres no slash!)
Light and Dark were in bed together but only because there parents were to poor to get separate rooms its not like their gay or anything!
he loved Dark which maybe he did a little but not really cos Darks not gay!!!! SERIOUSLY
"I am not gay" Darksaid because the readers at home might think so other ways.
"Where did you get him he is very hansom!" dark said but only because he was a clone of him HES NOT GAY."
- Go to YouTube, and look at any Animated Music Video depicting a really close relationship between two characters of the same sex. A very large percentage of the ones that aren't shipping will comment in the description that it's not a yuri / yaoi video. Naturally, this makes you think about it more. The fact that they're usually set to love songs makes it funnier.
- Marik in Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. He constantly denies that he's gay, despite a penchant for The Little Mermaid, tight clothes, and his evil BFF Bakura, as well as a fondness for reading yaoi.
Marik: Wait a second, are you coming onto me? I already told you, Bakura, I'm not gay!
Bakura: Could've fooled me.
Melvin: And me!
Marik: Hey, shut up, you don't know anything about me!
Bakura: Marik, he is you! He knows everything about you.
Marik: He is the gay one!
- And now Yuusei and Jack from Bonds Before Time Abridged. Yuusei starts the movie by assuring Jack that liking Top Gun isn't gay, as how could a movie about men calling each other cute nicknames, playing half-naked volleyball and riding phallic vehicles at high speed be anything but straight? He spends the final duel engaging in a lot of Ho Yay with Yami, before repeatedly waving it away with a 'no homo'. Yami is... much less insecure.
Yami: You know, you always were my favorite protagonist.
Right back at you, Yugi. It feels so good to know you'll be playing with me. (sexy music, intense eye contact)
Yami: Ah, yes...no homo...indeed.
Yuusei: You can ride with me anytime, Yugi. (sexy music, intense eye contact)...no homo.
Yami: Ah yes, I was just about to say, uh, no homo.
Yami: No, Yusei. You can be mine. (sexy music, intense eye contact)
Yuusei: No homo, right?
Bakura: Otherwise, totally hetero.
- In Those Lacking Spines, Riku of Destiny Sanctuary Peak High School Academy Grammar School always tries to convince others he is straight, even though he obviously isn't.
Sora: Right—and what are we betting?
Riku: A kiss.
Riku: I mean… a kick. In the ass. I'll kick your ass if you don't. Because I'm not gay or anything.
Sora: Who said you were?
Riku: Nobody. Because I'm not. Yeah. Totally straight. I love chicks. Yay boobs.
- An Imagine Spot in the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fanfic Progress has Rainbow Dash loudly proclaim that she's not gay and that she'll "do every colt in Equestria to prove it".
- Becoming Female: "Draco Malfoy smirked at me. He was the hottest guy in school and all the girls wanted him, but I was a boy and not gay so we couldn't be together." Guess what happens later.
- Light in All You Need Is Love:
- Occurs at least once per chapter in the infamous Supper Smash Bros Mishonh From God. As the narrator is a blatant Author Avatar, we can infer that the same goes for the author — though you should be able to figure that out anyway from the homophobic content.
- In Uzumaki Harry Harry feels the need to remind everyone that he is "not gay" every other chapter.
- In The Jaded Eyes Series Sirius is totally straight! All the ladies love him, totally! That stuff about him and Remus is an unfounded rumor probably started by Snivellus!
- Voldemort in The Horrible Interpretation Of The Prophecy:
Voldemort's letter: Dear Sworn Enemy,
It has recently come to my attention that you are gay.
This is of great concern to me. I know you have repeatedly said you will not join me, but I am still worried. I know I am dead sexy-but I feel obliged to tell you that I am straight.
Now, I am unsure of how much Dumbledore has told you, but I have another reason for concern. A prophecy exists involving us.
I know what the first half says. To summarize, someone has the power to vanquish me.
Now, my reason for concern is that I fear you are the one who is suppose to vanquish me. I fear you are going to try and do this through sex. That is the reason for this letter.
I also would like to tell you that I have several followers who are, um, indecisive in regards to their preferred gender. While it is good that you have picked one, I must say I believe you made the wrong decision. Women are great. Just the other day, I was remembering my later years at Hogwarts. There is a broom cupboard that is perfect for—
Harry: NO. I'm not reading the rest of it. There are two pages that go into great detail regarding why I shouldn't be gay.
Hermione: Skip ahead.
Voldemort's letter: In conclusion, do not be gay. If you neglect this piece of advice, take another. Do not be gay with me. It will anger me, but it will not vanquish me. Now I turn the rest of the parchment over to Wormtail, who so generously wrote this for me, as I still lack a body. That does not make me any less sexy, though.
- Fever Dreams has poor drunk Matsuda:
Light: I don't think you should return to this bar anytime soon.
- The Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew! fanfic The Harmony Trap features a male bank teller looking at the bank's security guards and telling himself that he's not gay, he just likes uniforms...
- Fanfic in general has a trend like this where fics, usually those focusing on friendship between characters who usually are paired romantically, make a big deal out of telling you the story is Not Slash, despite the fact that an actual decent summary would fix that. Then there's just oddball summaries like "A Death Eaters' meeting. No slash." Why would you even assume there would be? Admittedly there are some popular pairings involving two people who are both Death Eaters, but why would they be doing that at the meeting?
- Jay of The View Askewniverse. In Clerks he rambles about performing oral sex on Silent Bob (who remains completely deadpan throughout, suggesting he does this a lot), then leaps away, flexes menacingly and shouts, "I hate guys! I LOVE WOMEN!" In Dogma his response to being accused of fantasizing about men is "not all the time," which is as good as an admission that he does some of the time. Then there's his habit of referring to Silent Bob as his "Hetero life-mate."
- Halfway through the "I Like Boys" number in Teen Witch, you'll be thinking those girls are obviously in serious denial.
- From the comments section... "Having never seen the movie this is from I can only assume that this musical follows the story of a lonely lesbian girl who must deny her true passions while watching girls in leotards dance around the women's locker room singing about their heterosexuality."
- Rapper Alpa Chino in Tropic Thunder has built his career around this trope. He's gay.
I love the puss (hell yeah)/I love the pussy (hell yeah)/I love the pussy rollin' down to the floor
- Outlaw of Gor. Watney Smith is trying a little too hard to declare how turned on he is by girls, despite being the annoying sidekick of muscular blond hunk Cabot ("CABOT!")
Watney: (looking at a blond girl) Oooh, yeah, I love 'em!
- Troy has Achilles bedding numerous ladies and treating his cousin Patroclus like a kid brother to avoid the traditionally inferred homosexual relationship between them.
- The last line of one of the endings in Clue has the supposedly gay Mr. Green declare, "I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife," revealing that his whole identity was a cover.
- Seth in Superbad: 90% of his dialogue is about how much he wants to have sex with girls who are far more attractive than a guy like him deserves, with the remaining 10% being devoted to his obsession with his "best friend" Evan.
- Near the end of Brüno, the main character claims to have achieved his goal of becoming heterosexual. In fact, he proves it by hosting a cage-fighting show called Straight Dave's Man Slammin' Maxout, and giving the audience a speech about how hetero he is. The audience loves him at first, but become enraged when he passionately makes out with another man in the cage.
- Nearly all male characters in the 2009 Star Trek film find some way to imply their heterosexuality, as noted by Red Letter Media's review of the film, where it's dubbed the "Not-Gays".
- In Class Act, hip-hop culture is so foreign to Duncan's father that when Duncan begins associating with Blade, his father thinks Duncan might be gay! He finds out the hard way at the end when he catches Duncan having sex with his girlfriend Damita.
- In Orgazmo, Dave the Lighting Guy has a habit of prefacing everything he's about to say with "I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin'..." with everything he says following this statement becoming increasingly homoerotic as the movie progresses.
- Obviously actual sex isn't an issue because the characters are toys, but in Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure, Andy feels the need to insist that, even though he's a soft, cuddly ragdoll owned by a girl who's into dresses and tea parties and all the finest in stereotyped little girl interests, he's a super-macho manly-man action type guy and he'll fight anyone who even thinks the word "makeup".
- Played for drama in Eastern Promises wherein Kirill, the closeted son of The Don, desperately tries to cultivate a reputation as a libertine due to the violently homophobic Russian gangster culture.
- In Plan B, Bruno repeatedly hits on Pablo, kisses him, and proclaims his love for him. But he's not gay. Really, he's not. He's just doing all this to drive Pablo away from Laura so that he can get back together with her. The mere notion that he could like Pablo in that way for real is enough to send him running for the toilet! Likewise, Pablo isn't gay either and makes sure to tell Bruno that when Bruno tries to get them to kiss for "practice" for some commercial. Over and over again. They do eventually accept that they're gay for each other, at the very least.
- In The Hollows series, Rachel repeatedly mentions not being 'wired that way' regarding Ivy (especially after she invites the vampiric Ivy to bite her in A Fistful of Charms).
- Despite being surrounded by hawt bisexual men, Anita Blake goes out of her way to mention that by the way, she doesn't like girls at all and she isn't bisexual and so on and so forth. This doesn't stop her from snogging a gorgeous siren, or "holding fingertips" and gazing into the eyes of a stripper who's offering her a free lap dance, but... she's really straight, dammit!
- Bella Morte, fountain of blood for a line of vampires with sexually-based powers, gave her mind-boggling oral sex in a magical dream.
- In Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, John, after being in an awkward gay moment, says things like, "Well, she looks like a nubile wench!" while pointing at an adulteress. (She was nubile, so points to John for working outside of his element.)
- In one of the original Greyhawk novels, the protagonist begins acting as stereotypically masculine as he possibly can — openly leering at women, deliberately wearing worn out or dirty clothing, etc. — because he's worried that a gem he's been using to increase his magic is turning him into a woman. It isn't.
- In the Doctor Who novel "Human Nature", Alexander has a reputation as a ladies' man who values free love. Since it's 1913, this makes him a bit of a social outcast, but he doesn't seem to care. Main character Bernice Summerfield eventually realises that Alexander is just gay and overcompensating with his denial, and Alexander's boyfriend is very confused as to why everyone thinks that Alex is some kind of womanising libertine.
Live Action TV
- On The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert isn't gay, but he does claim that "Men know what men like". He also claims that the "Gay Agenda" (e.g. baby carrots) is to turn him, specifically, gay.
- In the Christmas special, he repeatedly gets caught under mistletoe with his special guests. Eventually, he makes out with a grizzly bear. The end credits make a point of noting that 'Female Bear' was played by Matt Brady.
- Then there's the rainbow-themed closet parties he threw in college. Or the spectacular line "refuting" the gay-rights argument that nobody accuses straight people of choosing to be straight — it went something like, "Damn right I chose to be straight! I wake up every morning and fight those urges!" Or this Daily Show piece which contains the classic line, "We don't hate gay people." "We're just angry at the ones who turn us on."
- Played with on this segmentnote when Ricky Martin came out of the closet. (Skip to 01:50)
"Just look at him on the cover of Rolling Stone! Surrounded by naked women... who I'm sure he is just seconds away from noticing! Right now, he's too busy staring straight into the viewers' eyes as if to say, "You and me man, both totally straight! Ha-cha!"
- Or his verse at the 2011 Tony Awards production number, "Not just for gays anymore":
"I enjoy the theater, I've enjoyed it all my life,
I enjoy it with my female woman wife!"
- And while we're on the subject, Tek Jansen has obviously had hundreds of girlfriends.
- In most of his appearances on SCTV, Johnny LaRue (John Candy) makes it a point to emphatically deny rumours that he is gay.
- It was rumored that Star Trek: Enterprise was going to have the franchise's first openly gay main character, and that this character was Malcolm. In fact, it transpired the possibility had been discussed with the actor but was eventually rejected. In what may or may not have been a response to this, the writers started to show him talking about women or flirting with women pretty often. His actor Dominic Keating, however, declared that he played Reed gay anyway, and considering his interactions with Tucker, Archer, and Hayes, fans tend to believe him.
- However, one episode involving the future crew being descended from the current crew as a result of time travel stated that he died a bachelor, causing him to look disappointed and vaguely pensive. It could be taken as an implication of his true sexuality, though that's probably not what was intended.
- On the other hand, in the episode Shuttlepod One Malcolm — stranded in space with Tucker, and believing that they're going to die — spends hours writing letters to old girlfriends. At one point, while drunk, says "I think T'Pol's got a nice bum. Don't you?"
- Lampshaded in the final episode in which Riker is speaking to Malcolm and then appears to ask him if he found Trip attractive — we discover however the scene has secretly changed, and Riker is now addressing Hoshi.
- Star Trek: The Original Series: Have I mentioned I am screwing Green Skinned Space Babes, and not Green Blooded First Officers today? Fangirls still aren't convinced.
- Similarly to Reed, Garrett Wang — who is gay — has been known to claim that he played Harry Kim as a closeted gay man who pursued unattainable women as a way to avoid dealing with his feelings for Tom Paris.
- Scrubs: Turk and JD. Oh, Turk and JD.
: [waking from an Imagine Spot
] STOP IT! I DON'T HAVE GAY JUNGLE FEVER!
Turk (to Carla): Okay, we should go!
- Even in the Musical Episode in which they have a song celebrating their "Guy Love", they find it necessary to mention that "There's nothing gay about it / In our eyes".
- Jack Benjamin, crown prince of Gilboa in Kings, does this as a matter of policy, making a big show of what a boozy, party-hard womaniser he is. He gets a horrible surprise when he finds out his father has known all along. Quoth king Silas: "I've been keeping pictures of our family out of the free press for years... Wrestle it to the ground, numb it with ice, but you cannot be what God made you. Not if you mean to take my place."
- Jack is the Ho Yay interpretation of King Saul's son Jonathan, who had a covenant and very... hands-on relationship with David — even while David was Saul's biggest enemy.
- In a Friends episode, when Chandler is trying to get a date for Rachel:
Chandler: I say, Drew! Are you seeing anybody right now? (Drew looks at him) Og-ee-op, I'm not asking for me, I'm? I mean? No, I'm-I'm not gay, I'm not asking you out. I'm not-I'm not-I'm not gay!
Drew: I didn't think you were gay. I do now.
- There's also "The One With the Baby on the Bus"; a woman mistakes Joey and Chandler for a couple while they're out with Ben, so later when two women start talking to them, this occurs:
Woman: So what are you guys out doing today?
Joey: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.
- A variant occurs with the narrator of Breaking the Magician's Code. The male narrator takes the opportunity in every episode to mention to us just how much he appreciates the Masked Magician's hot female assistants. This is accompanied by the camera work adopting a Male Gaze.
- This just makes things more hilarious when he says something like "The secret to this illusion is hidden in the Magician's pants."
- For most of her first season on Skins, Naomi Campbell (not that one) made numerous protestations of her heterosexuality. Since she'd say this in between passionate makeout sessions and sex with Emily, neither Emily nor the audience were inclined to believe her.
- Tomboy character Jo from The Facts of Life balances out her butch behaviour when she first arrives by constantly referring to her boyfriend Eddie, and getting into relationships with men more frequently than the other characters. Efforts to femme her up became increasingly blatant in later seasons. By the final season, she was married and wearing a skirt. Presumably, this was either to make her more marketable, or to discredit the Les Yay subtext between Jo and Blair.
- With all of the Ho Yay on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Colin Mochrie has reassured the audience that he is heterosexual when things have gotten waaay over-the-top.
Ryan: That sounds great, doesn't it?
- Craig Ferguson of The Late Late Show often inverts this as a gag.
- This trope is played with by a character itself, not the creators of the show, in an episode of Glee where gay character Kurt, after coming out of the closet, decides to act like a stereotypical straight guy, wearing flannel shirts and attempting to speak with a deep voice, even making out with a girl, in an attempt to fit in better and believing it would make his father love him more. Throughout the episode he constantly asserts his newfound "macho" status, but no one really buys it (except Brittany.) He goes back to his normal, flamboyantly gay self in the end.
- Earlier in the series, before he comes out, Kurt calls the club's disco routine "really gay." After Kurt comes out to Mercedes but before he does to his dad, Kurt tells Finn he isn't gay.
- Santana, who tip-toed out of her Armoured Closet in order to confess her love for Brittany, only for her to leap back into it when she was turned down. The next time the two met, she blamed the whole thing on temporary insanity and made sure to point out that she was now going to write an awesome heterosexual song about her boyfriend. She then got so flustered by Brittany looking at her that she asked her to look away in order for her to remember her locker combination.
- The song "Bret You Got It Going On" from Flight of the Conchords starts with this, ends with this, and is filled with a truly remarkable amount of Ho Yay. As mentioned several times in the episode, it's not gay when Jemaine puts a wig on Bret and spoons him, because he's imagining Bret's a woman.
- Parodied in a sketch on Smack The Pony, involving two female actresses filming a lesbian kiss scene. One of them, clearly somewhat homophobic, is given to loudly expressing how disgusting she finds the whole process once the cameras have stopped filming, and at one point demands that an aide call her fiancee and "tell him I love him." Unfortunately for her, her co-star is clearly nursing quite a heavy crush on her at least, and keeps suggesting that they might need to retake the scene a little too frequently and eagerly.
- Shameless (US) has Mickey Milkovich, who pretends to be straight in the eyes of everyone when he's actually gay. Whenever there's a crowd (specially in front of his father), he makes comments about women or the sort just to remind them that he likes women.
- One of the series best portrayal of this is when Mickey, Ian, Lip, Mandy, and a whole lot of their neightbours go after a pedophile recently released from prison, but upon arriving discover that the pedophile is actually a woman, so everyone quits on it. On their way back, Mickey keeps commenting that the whole story of the woman and her underage student turned him so on that he needed to sleep with a woman right now and goes after the first one that he crosses. Lip's reaction to this, because he found out about Mickey being gay only a little before this episode, is particularly hilarious.
- Seinfeld gives us this gem:
Jerry: "This jacket has completely changed my life."
George: "Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality."
Jerry: "Of course."
George: "It's fabulous."
- MADtv parodied Michael Jackson's "You Rock My World" and its video as "I Do Like Girls", referencing the tendency of several of his videos (including this one) to portray him as a ladykiller, while his Real Life behavior suggested he kept that part of his private life, well, private. (Anything that did go off-message was too odd to tell.)
- Virtually every single episode of Supernatural features some little scene or line of dialogue for Dean to assert his heterosexuality/masculinity.
- "My Heart Will Go On" has "Besides, Titanic didn't suck that bad." *Cue Sam looking at Dean funny* "Winslet's rack?"
- "Out With the Old" continues this trend:
Dean: I saw Black Swan. Twice.
Sam: *Gives Dean a strange look*
Dean: Hot tutu-on-tutu action. Come on, Sam, what's wrong with you?
- In "Let It Bleed" we also get "I was too busy having sex with women." (Naturally, fans have often interpreted this as Suspiciously Specific Denial for Dean.)
- This lyric from the 'Pretty Bunsun' number on Muppets Tonight
Jonny Fiama: ''Pretty Bunsun... I'm not really into that...
- An almost laughable use of this trope in one episode of The George Lopez Show, where a girl that can easily be confused for having two fathers has one or both of the men say some line that assures the audience that they sleep with tons of women all the time, multiple times, in every scene that they were in.
- John Watson from Sherlock is very adamant about his straightness. Unfortunately, few believe him, including his girlfriends/potential conquests, who use that as an excuse to ditch him when in reality it's more because they can't stand his flatmate and best friend, Sherlock.
- Sherlock's done this too, and is very adamant about his sexuality. Heck, Irene seems to think he's gay for his friend, as well as Mrs. Hudson, and plenty more.
- Frat boys Eric & Jeremy of The Amazing Race 9 spent roughly 90% of their screen time talking about how much they liked girls. Seriously, you could probably make a drinking game out of it.
- An episode of The West Wing has CJ "outed" on a blog — based on not much more than the fact that she is tall, unmarried, and in a position of power. She spends the episode agonising over a way to flatly deny the outing in the media, while avoiding invoking this trope. In the end, she tells the reporters that it's none of their business, and then goes on a date with the man she is currently in a relationship with.
- In series five of Misfits, one of the members of Rudy Too's support group is a man who insisted so much on stating he wasn't gay that the storm gave him a very ironic power: every time he said he wasn't gay, he involuntarily teleports into the nearest closet.
- The Big Bang Theory has a Running Gag of Raj being Ambiguously Bi. They play with this in the episode "The Thespian Catalyst" which had Raj have fantasies involving Wolowitz's girlfriend Bernadette. The last one involved a Bollywood musical piece.
Raj: Dance number aside, I'm so not gay.
- Notably averted on Teen Wolf. Stiles frequently asks whether gay guys find him attractive and seems worried that they might not, at one point semi-jokingly he asks his best friend Scott if he wants to make out with him, and when he and Scott accidentally end up in a gay bar, he's visibly annoyed when a random guy buys Scott a drink and not him. Despite the fact that his crush on Lydia is very much real, no effort is actually made to establish him as firmly heterosexual, either by himself or the show in general. Many fans believe/hope this means that Stiles will eventually turn out to be bisexual.
- The episode "Illuminated" had Stiles making out with Caitlin, who last time we saw was in a relationship with a girl named Emily (who was killed in "Fireflies"). When Stiles about this, Caitlin says that she likes both guys and girls, and asks him if he likes girls, to which eh very adamantly responds that he does. And then she asks if he likes boys too, to which… he is unable to reply. The fans rejoiced.
- And then it was played painfully straight from then on, with Stiles being given a very forced and sudden relationship with the just-introduced Malia Tate and also having almost no scenes alongside another male character that he had had a lot of Ho Yay chemistry and subtext with. The actor even confirmed that they had just been playing Stiles' hinted bisexuality "for fun", which upset and insulted many fans. To top it off, the single established gay character on the show, Danny Mahealani, barely appeared in any scenes during Season 3 aside from those purely meant for Fanservice, and didn't appear at all in Season 4. Fans despaired. Loudly.
- The Disney Channel has a feature where kids talk about their special talents. Whenever they have a boy with a hobby usually viewed as feminine (like gymnastics), they tend to drop the occasional line about how girls are into them for their talent. Interestingly, whenever they have a girl talk about any masculine talents, they never feel the need to proclaim their heterosexuality.
- A Saturday Night Live sketch features Kim Jong-un (played by Bobby Moynihan) announcing that he's lifting North Korea's ban on same-sex marriage. He then goes on to emphasize that he is "as heterosexual as a person can be" and describes all the Anatomically Impossible Sex he supposedly has.
- The Day Today featured an unusual third-person variant with regards to its Gay News presenter Colin Poppshed. After Colin has given his report (of such nonsense as the current gay elements, walls and seas), main anchor Chris Morris thanks him and then adds "He's not gay, by the way. We wouldn't employ a homosexual".
- "I Like Goils" by Type O Negative fits this to a T, written after frontman Peter Steele (R.I.P) posed nude for Playgirl and discovered a great percentage of the readers were male. Whether or not it is a parody of hypermasculinity and homophobia or played straight is anyone's guess nowadays.
- In Frank Zappa's song, "Punky's Whips", the male narrator of the song (sung by drummer Terry Bozzio) sings about how he'd like to have sex with the titular Punky (Angel guitarist Punky Meadows), but vehemently insists "I ain't queer!"
- Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl: A song about girl-on-girl kissing that implies she is drunk and so "lost [her] discretion", doesn't even know the girl's name, that the name doesn't matter anyway, that it "ain't no big deal", that she hopes her boyfriend doesn't mind (got that, right? her boyfriend) and that it doesn't mean she's in love tonight. The video pushes it further, while not featuring even a single kiss, as it still ends as All Just a Dream, and she wakes up besides her boyfriend.
- Anytime a rapper says "No homo," it's this trope.
- Mocked furiously by The Lonely Island in a song called "No Homo", in which a bunch of male friends get together and do increasingly homoerotic things (up to and including both having gay sex and actually coming out of the closet), all under the justification "no homo", which means they were just kidding.
- Unintentionally (and hilariously) subverted by radio stations who started blocking out "no homo" as a slur.
- Just 2 Guyz and the related videos.
- Also parodied in this sketch by Funny Or Die.
- If I were gay, I would give you my heart/And if I were gay, you'd be my work of art/And if I were gay, we would swim in romance/But I'm not gay, so get your hand out of my pants. Courtesy of Stephen Lynch who ends up shagging the friend he's talking to in the song.
- The song “Heterosexual Man” by Odds parodies this by playing it Up to Eleven. Bonus points for having The Kids in the Hall in the music video, the Kids being infamous for gender-bending comedy.
I wanna make every woman I know
Coz I'm a Heterosexual Man
It's just a problem with my glands
- The Team America: World Police song "Only a Woman" plays this for laughs: Only a woman can brighten up my day/Only a woman can touch me the right way/Only a woman is allowed to touch me there/All I ask is that you're a woman. (Or a man.)
- Jon Lajoie's character MC Vagina in the song "I Kill People":
So if you'll come at me I'll trip you then I'll suck your nuts
I-i mean I'll punch your nuts
Sucking them would be gay and I'm totally not gay
I'm all about V-A-G-I-N-A.
- In "I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual" by Sloppy Seconds, the narrator is desperate to dispel rumors that he's gay. Towards the end, he starts believing the rumors, himself, and even lampshades the implication of the lyrics with, "Why did I write this song if I don't wanna be a homosexual?"
- Chester See's Bromance.
Nothing really gay about it
Not that there's anything wrong with being gay (gay)
Shouldn't be ashamed or hide it
I love you in the most heterosexual way
- Some of the biggest parts of the glam metal style were makeup, meticulously styled hair, names like Tracii, Nikki, and Ce Ce, and tight, gaudy clothing; and yet the vast majority of glam lyrics centered around how "I fuck tons of FEMALE groupies because I'm very heterosexual and I like women" (stated through cheesy, thinly-veiled euphemisms, of course).
- John Mulaney: "But I'm not gay. I have a girlfriend, and she is a female person."
- Inverted by straight comedian Doug Stanhope in Beer Hall Putsch. Following a gay fantasy bit, he suddenly starts insisting he's gay for laughsnote simply because people wouldn't expect it:
I hope I didn't ruffle any feathers, but as an openly gay comedian I feel a responsibility to talk about a lot of issues that — what, are you gonna test me? You don't know if I'm lying. I can be as gay as I want to be up here, fuck you. What, are you gonna strap me to a chair and blow loads in my face
to see if I'm fibbing when I say I love it?
- Also partially averted with Ron White, in one bit he commented on his own clothing choices and said he was actually surprised he wasn't gay.
- Bo Burnham's song "Oh, Bo" has this lyric:
I make all the ladies say "Oh, Bo"
And if I were gay
Though I swear I'm straight
I'd make the fellas say "Oh, Bo"
- Avenue Q. "I wish you could meet my girlfriend, but you can't because she is in Canada!"
- "She's my girlfriend, my wonderful girlfriend, yes, I have a girlfriend, who lives in Canada! And I can't wait to eat her pussy again!"
- Beat. Beat. Beat. *orchestra hit*
- Not in the soundtrack, but onstage, not only the characters, but also their puppeteers, the whole orchestra, and the conductor stare slack-jawed in a seemingly endless awkward moment. Drives it home.
- In Misfile Emily made sure to frequently remind everyone that she and Ash are Just Friends and she had no romantic feelings whatsoever, none at all, nuh-uh, no way for Ash.
- There was some justification. Ash suffered an accidental Gender Bender, and fully intends to reverse it, so there are complications if Emily is attracted to Ash. Fortunately, it now seems to be a case of Single-Target Sexuality: Emily wants to help Ash get back to being male, but also desires a relationship now.
- Hunter of Suicide for Hire does this to some extent when explaining why he defended homosexuality by holding a congregation of protesters at gunpoint. Justified Trope in this case because he's a teenage boy discussing his actions with his best friend who is also a teenage boy, and possibly also because a flashback shows his father's, er, enthusiastic attempts to ensure his son's heterosexuality (by giving him porn when he was thirteen).
- Monette of Something*Positive originally made a point of reassuring everyone she met that she was not straight. And she failed miserably, because she always slept with every guy within reach... and a koala. She has since improved on keeping her, or just met the right woman. She finally decided not to label herself as either gay or straight, and settled on identifying herself as bisexual.
- Subverted in El Goonish Shive — Nanase was constantly reminding herself she's straight and blames her attraction to Ellen on Ellen's pheromonic powers, only to find out Ellen doesn't have them anymore, which means she really is a lesbian. Played straight with Tedd, who has often denied being gay because of his appearance. Considering what regularly happens in this webcomic, the sexuality of any main cast member, at some point, becomes quite debatable. There's every indication that Tedd really is straight (at least, again, inasmuch as orientation applies with EGS), and secure in what there is of his masculinity too. He only brings it up constantly because people are constantly questioning it.
- Amusingly, Tedd is often romantically involved with Elliot in alternate universes... but always heterosexually (i.e., when one of them is a girl). The Tedd in Ellen's AU "childhood dreams" had a crush on AU Ellen (Elliot's clone) but she didn't reciprocate. Either the author is having fun (not only the readers, but other characters have been treated to Elliot/Tess or Tedd/Ellen, to their squick and/or amusement) or he's implying that the qualities that make Tedd and Elliot such close friends would also make them a great couple, if only parts and preferences worked out.
- Faz of Shortpacked! seems to go out of his way to pursue women simply to reinforce his belief that he's straight, even though all evidence (including his actual sexual relations in the past) contradicts this.
- Specifically, he chose purity over sleeping with Galasso's hot daughter, and slept with Ninja Rick. However, the latter was only so he could become a Twofer Token Minority (gay and Asian) and keep his job, and he has made repeated advances on Amber, which she hasn't reciprocated. He also seemed sad when Amber hugged him and he revealed he's never touched a woman as much as a simple hug before. Bottom line is that he may be straight, bi, or gay, but he is clearly messed up.
Faz: Faz requires platonic intimacy.
- In Dumbing of Age, Ethan and Danny feel the need to stress they're not gay after a Suggestive Collision. Ethan is lying, Danny's...obfuscating.
- In the later issues of Sonichu, every handful of pages is guaranteed to have more than a few carefully veiled hints that the main characters and the comic creator is straight, and usually more than a few not-so-carefully veiled hints, along the lines of "I, Christian Weston Chandler, am straight". He sure brings this up a lot for some reason.
- Ménage à 3 uses the joke more than once:
- Belkar Bitterleaf of The Order of the Stick, despite being a shameless womanizer, is adamant about asserting his masculinity at every turn, displaying Squick at the slightest signs of Ho Yay. He seems far more concerned about it than anyone else in the cast.
- And yet, when Roy gets turned into a woman, Belkar hits on Roy, even though he knows it's Roy, just to mess with him, and claims he's secure enough in his manhood to be able to do that. Hmm.
- Likewise when Elan's father wonders why they are staring at him (he looks like Elan with a different palette) Belkar fields the question by explaining that they are staring at him because he's hot. From the father's response this is actually quite common and Belkar again takes great joy in tormenting Roy about it, to the point of responding to Roy's threats with "That's what he said".
- Played with in this Terminal Lance strip.
- In Homestuck, Jake gets like this in his first conversation with the autoresponder.
GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.*
- On the other hand, John's memetic statement that "I am not a homosexual", does not fit the trope, since it was in response to Karkat revealing his hatecrush (so not said gratuitously) and the only time John stated preference for either gender.
- The (fictional) publisher of Jet Dream comic books created comics loaded with Gender Bender and Wholesome Crossdresser characters, but strictly limited boy-on-boy contact (even when one of the boys looked just like a girl) to "D-F-K" (Dance-Flirt-Kiss), and then only for "training purposes." This was apparently due to his idiosyncratic belief that at the dawn of The Seventies, men needed to adopt a "Fem Is In!" lifestyle to survive in the brave new mostly-female world that would ultimately arise from Womens' Lib, sperm banks, test-tube babies, and cloning.
- In Sunstone Anna has shades of this in earlier chapters in her insistance that she is heterosexual, but this is a playing-with case as her portrayal of her sexuality is rarely consistent. Moreover due to the strong BDSM themes of the comic this also applies to the few recuring characters not in the scene; who tend to be introduced by stating they are not into BDSM. Again this applies to Anna in a Transparent Closet way as her growing interest in the scene goes hand in hand with her insistance she has no interest what so ever.
- Kid Radd: Gnarl and Kobayashi.
Gnarl: Er, did I mention my unquenchable love of the ladies?
- As well as Radd and his player.
- Sinfest: Both Slick, and the greater paradigm here.
- Mocked mercilessly in NSFW Comix with "The Bros", who will literally go down on each other and offset it solely though "No homo!"
- Mackenzie Blaise from Tales of MU spends a lot of time reminding the readers that she isn't a lesbian, but her relationships with women say otherwise, She's goes into some pretty heavy denial at first — For example, upon having sex with Amaranth for the first time, her initial reaction is to deny that what they'd done counted as sex, and then to inquire into whether Amaranth possessed any special abilities that cause otherwise straight girls to be attracted to her. Eventually, she gets over it.
- Subverted at the very last moment in the Zero Punctuation review of Guitar Hero III. Mentioning several times how he got together with guy friends to play the game, in a manly and completely heterosexual way, he finishes the review with:
"...but it's just not as much fun as tonguing another man's balls. [beat
] I mean, as it used to be. ...I'm not gay
- Also mentioned occasionally and in a off-handed way in subsequent reviews. Often just a quick "Not gay" thrown in after a particularity gay statement.
- After a possibly love-hurt Non Sequitur in his Sims 3 review where concludes that all women are evil, he ends "Incidently, I'm still not gay." (His animated character starts lifting weights as a manly activity.)
- Even in his Extra Punctuation coverage of Dragon Age II, where he talks about how he pursued a homosexual romance with a male character and did a little roleplay on it, to show how roleplay in video games shouldn't reflect on what kind of person you are in real life...he still mentioned his heterosexuality quite a few times...and then stated that David Bowie used to be an extremely sexy man.
- The [title of show] Show's "What is [title of show]?"  bit from Episode 3: "Hey Jim, I'm straight, did you watch the game last night?"
- Man in the Box: Cameron. 
- Justified-ish in the Athena #1 review on Atop the Fourth Wall. Linkara takes a moment to announce that his dislike of female objectification and pointless nudity is not due to having a disinterest in the female form, since he is not gay. He then apologized to his male gay and bisexual viewers for this, because he's nice like that.
- When The Nostalgia Critic reviews Independence Day, he fawns over Will Smith for a minute before slapping himself and reminding himself, "Boobs! You like boobs!"
- Amusingly, Doug Walker tends to go the opposite way. While Spoony and Linkara mention Scarlett, Liz and their fangirls quite often, his fiancée isn't mentioned that much. He'd rather say that there was a Mr. Critic or that he has a "lucky" boyfriend while making an oral joke or striptease for his brother for laughs.
- Blogging Twilight has the writer describing, "The curve of [Jacob's] bicep looking like a roller coaster track that eyes, and perhaps fingers, cannot help but ride... um... GIRLS HAVE BOOBS AND I LIKE BOOBS!"
- This parody of Bad Romance is all about this trope and Heterosexual Life-Partners.
- There's also this parody of a Jason Derulo song that might be even more heavy-handed on it.
- Pegasus of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series actually inverts this trope. While screaming at the top of his lungs "Have I Mentioned I am Gay?" in every single episode, he's as straight as they get. This prompts him into nearly killing some characters for discovering his true sexuality.
- Homestar Runner: Strong Bad tries to assert his heterosexuality as much as he can, particularly after flirtacious scenes between him and Homestar. And then there's Email brianrietta...
- The episode of James Gunn's PG Porn, "Squeal Happy Whores", features a guy singing about the sex he plans to have with the girl he's singing to: "I'll be so rough, you'll gag / cause I'm the opposite of a fag!"
- Celery by FND Films is nothing if not this trope in a distilled form. Until the characters start making out, anyway.
- RationalWiki has a category called Not Gay.
- In Harry Plinkett's review of Star Trek, he has an entire segment about how the producers felt a need to give every single character a "case of the not-gays".
- The Joker Blogs: In Thomas Eliot's day in the limelight short The Doctor is in he is shown bedding every man that he lay his eyes on. He later share a drink with Selina Kyle
- In Game Grumps, at the end of their Ninja Breadman episode Egoraptor explains how when he was younger (as an ironic jab against bullies accusing him and his friends of being gay) he and his friends formed The D-Club which consisted mostly of just showing each other their penises and going "Yep, still not gay." A rather bizarre use of this trope, and one which Danny was convinced was still very homoerotic. They spend an entire episode of Katamari Damacy debating whether or not The D-Club was actually gay, though Danny seemed to just be playing devil's advocate because he found Arin's flustered defenses hilarious. It didn't help Arin's case that he admitted that wieners had touched at some point.
- The Onion article "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?" is this trope taken Up to Eleven.
- Since Static Shock couldn't show Richie being gay, they used this to help get that facet of his character across. (Confirmed by Word of God.)
- The Boondocks has had some fun with this one. (No homo.)
- William Murderface in Metalocalypse. It shows in at least five episodes, including a time where he won't eat any food that is longer than it is wide, because it's too close to a penis. Pickles notes that for this to bother him so much, he must be thinking about dicks in mouths all the time. And when the group is hiding in a closet, they hear an odd noise... only to turn the lights on and see Murderface licking a hotdog.
- When Dethklok reveals that they will be designing a line of clothing, Murderface takes the podium and assures everyone that even though he is about to enter the fashion industry, he is not gay.
- Tyler had a line like this on Total Drama World Tour, when he introduces himself to Alejandro right after a bunch of admiring girls did:
Tyler: I like girls.
- The Simpsons plays with this in Future-Drama:
[Waylon Smithers enters with a woman holding his arm]
Bart: Mr. Smithers? I thought you were, you know— uh...
Smithers: Ha ha, no, I'm straight! As long as I take these injections every ten minutes. [he injects himself] I LOVE BOOBIES!
- Pasila: Rauno Repomies is interviewed for television, but since someone mentioned the possibility that they might suggest that he's gay, he spends most of the interviews proclaiming he's not, until the only way to get out of the situation with honour is to admit that he is, even though it's not even true.
- South Park: Kyle Broflovski is often Mistaken for Gay with his mortal enemy/frenemy, Eric Cartman. Whether or not it's because Cartman gave him AIDs, or because Cartman sabotages Kyle's date with a girl by singing to him in front of thousands of people, Kyle would like you to know that he is definately not in any way involved with Eric Cartman. Now Cartman, on the other hand...
- In the King of the Hill episode "Goodbye, Normal Jeans", Peggy steals the turkey Bobby was cooking hoping to eat it with her hairdresser, whom she thinks is gay because of how he acts and talks. When she gets there, it turns out he has a wife and infant son.
- In the Family Guy episode "Stew-Roids," one of the James Woods Regional High School jocks constantly makes homophobic comments culminating in "everyone's gay but me!" before coming out of the closet in his final appearance.
- Subverted in Twelve Ounce Mouse when Shark tells Fitz that he loves him. And not in that way. Okay, maybe a little in that way. Sort-of. 50/50.
- Jeremy in Allen Gregory is self described as 'straight as an arrow' at least until Richard stalked and harassed him into leaving his wife and kids for a gay relationship.
- The infamous Real Life press conference called by baseball player Mike Piazza when he was a member of the New York Mets. The sole purpose of that conference, it seemed, was to announce that he was heterosexual. Rumors questioning Piazza's sexual preference had been getting pretty frequent up to that point.
- After former U.S. Senator Larry Craig was caught having a homosexual affair, he arranged an interview that was essentially him mentioning he was heterosexual over and over again, with his wife constantly by his side. The Daily Show was naturally all over this. "And look! He's married! To a woman! A she-woman!"
- And that's not even going into his "wide stance" excuse. It might have held water if he hadn't signed a confession after being arrested.
- Ted Haggard is an evangelical pastor in Colorado and leader of the National Association of Evangelicals until 2006, when an escort and masseur claimed Haggard had been paying him for sex for three years. He went into intensive counselling with four ministers, one of whom later claimed Haggard "was completely heterosexual" This is satirised by the song "Ted Haggard Is Completely Heterosexual" by Roy Zimmerman. (Later, Haggard said in an interview "...probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual.")
- A running joke on one season of Have I Got News for You was that whenever Jason Donovan was mentioned, someone would quickly add a variation on "Jason Donovan? Did you know he's heterosexual?" — a reference to his then-topical overly defensive response to claims to the contrary, having sued a magazine which said he was gay. Not because there was anything wrong with that, but because they said he was lying about it.
- When Eric "Eazy-E" Wright of the rap group N.W.A. revealed that he'd developed full-blown AIDS, he spent the remaining few months of his life telling anyone who would listen that he didn't get the disease from gay sex, but from good old fashioned groupie banging.
- Cultural critic Devon Carbado wrote that he liked to play a game when reading articles about and interviews with gay author James Baldwin: count how many lines it takes for the author to somehow announce that he is heterosexual, usually via mentioning a wife. According to Carbado, it is always (or nearly always) in the low single digits.
- Hal Sparks, post Queer as Folk, seems like he has to assert that he is heterosexual in real life at every opportunity by talking about women he'd like to have sex with as much as possible.
- According to Bronson Pinchot, Tom Cruise was like this on the set of Risky Business. When Tom Cruise's marriage to Nicole Kidman was breaking up, he sued a French gay porn star who claimed they'd done the deed. There was a reason for that South Park episode.
"Daaaaad! Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!"
- Or the episode of Family Guy that suggests that the reason Cruise runs in all his movies is to escape his own gay thoughts (represented by an Imagine Spot balloon of himself noticing attractive men on the film crew).
- Let's face it — we all know somebody like this.
- We probably all were like this at one point in our lives, that point most commonly being early puberty.
- One famous example: When Cindy Crawford and Richard Gere were married there were rumors that the marriage was a cover for one or both of them being gay. In 1994 they placed a full page paid advertisement in the London Times to state "We are heterosexual and monogamous and take our commitment to each other very seriously."
- Upon becoming President George W. Bush's new Chief of Staff in 2006, 51 year-old bachelor Josh Bolten had a press release sent out, letting everyone know that he lived with his girlfriend and her children. Also, it detailed his loves of bowling and motorcycles.
- When Cybil Shepherd addressed the 1993 gay rights March on Washington, she opened her speech by recounting how her father asked her, "Why are you addressing the rally? You're straight!" Gotta make sure to get that in the first paragraph, don't you know.
- From an actual magazine cover: "Justin Bieber! He's young! He's a star! And he just loooooooooooves girls!" Glad we cleared that up...
- This is not necessarily to emphasise his heterosexuality. The real reason Bieber is so popular among prepubescent girls is because he is a poster-boy for G-Rated Sex.
- Christian Weston Chandler has a bit of a problem with this.
- Fox News was more than glad to help clear up any possible rumors about 2012 Republican presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty. Just to be clear.
- Vic Mignogna's absolute certainty none of the characters he's played are gay, even Ho Yay-filled CLAMP works, does make one wonder.
- FCKH8.com has a line of anti-homophobia t-shirts, among them "STR8 AGAINST H8". Just so people don't get the wrong idea.
- The number of times Kelly Clarkson has denied being a lesbian is becoming excessive. Possibly because, along with her weight, it's the only subject media and gossip sites want to talk about.
- Miguel, an R&B singer, once asked during a concert if he could have more ladies at the front of the stage and felt the need to add, "Sorry, fellas, I'm not playing."
- As mentioned in some examples of the folders above, many who post comments on the internet find it a requirement to tack "no homo" after an innocent compliment towards someone of the same sex. The only difference being that they usually do it unironically.
- "I am a straight female but BOOBS" has been seen on many a forum/life journal. During discussions of that nature. And the male variant also applies.
- The first words out of a straight guy's mouth who says he supports gay rights will almost inevitably be him stressing that he is in fact, straight. (Perhaps afraid of being Mistaken for Gay?)
- Or perhaps because of the (obviously wrong) view that if you support a certain group of people, you must be a part of that group, right? Like how white supporters of the Civil Rights movement had to be either bi-racial or wanting a Maligned Mixed Marriage. This can, in some senses, strengthen their argument, since it's establishing that these views aren't because it benefits themselves.
- "I'm totally heterosexual. Not a gay in me."
- Kenny Chesney, particularly after Renee Zellweger claimed "fraud" in annulling their marriage after four months: "I've got a long line of girls who could testify that I am not gay."
- After Seth MacFarlane conducts the Los Angeles Gay Men's Chorus in the 2013 Academy Awards telecast, he assures Captain Kirk (time-traveling from the future), "I'm not actually a member of the chorus. I just joined in with them at the end there.."
- Seth MacFarlane also did a prank phone call, illustrated by Crank Yankers, in which he called a gay bar and complained about the lack of 'broads'. The more it should have become clear to him what kind of bar it was, the more he affirmed his heterosexuality, until he drifted a bit into Transparent Closet.
- Averted brilliantly by New Jersey politician Cory Booker. When running for the US Senate in 2013, a few of his opponents began accusing him of being gay due to his unmarried status. His response: "So what does it matter if I am?"
- Former long-time New York Mayor Ed Koch, a lifelong bachelor, was from almost from the beginning hounded by allegations that he was gay (in his first mayoral campaign in 1977, supporters of his opponent Mario Cuomo had posters reading "Vote for Cuomo, Not the Homo"), and released several statements over the course of his career to the effect of "I am heterosexual," all of which, along with his consistent disregard for even reasonable policy requests from the gay community, merely encouraged further speculation that he was just deeply closeted.
- Gareth McGrillen is so insecure, he felt embarrassed◊ about buying a cucumber for a tonic.