History Funny / RifftraxFilmFranchises

[[AC:Batman And Robin]]

** "So where did [Mr. Freeze] get [[{{Mook}} these guys]], anyway? Was there an ad that said, [[AC:"WANTED: THUGS. Must Be Skilled in Hockey and Stunt Skating. Obedience Required -- Enthusiasm A Plus!"]]?

-->'''Poison Ivy:''' I am Nature's arm! Her spirit! *crash* Her will! *crash*\\

* (Frozen phonebooth) "NO! Not [[Series/DoctorWho the TARDIS]]!!!

[[AC: Film/TheDarkKnight]]

* ''(Alfred enters a shipping crate to get to the new Batman lair)''

'''Mike (as Nick Nolte):''' ''(in a deep gravely voice)'' Just put it next to my early morning litre of drug store vodka...\\

''(Mike and Kevin laugh)''\\

''(all gasp)''

* When Bruce Wayne encounters one of [[ComicBook/TheJoker Joker's]] thugs:

'''Bill:''' ''(as Bruce takes down the {{Mook}})'' [[PunctuatedPounding Don't]]! '''[[PunctuatedPounding Hate]]'''! [[PunctuatedPounding Me because I'm]]! '''[[PunctuatedPounding Beautiful]]'''!

-->'''Bruce''': People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?\\
'''Alfred''': Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman. He can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make:\\
'''Mike (as Alfred)''': The stupid choice.\\
'''Alfred''': The right choice.\\
'''Mike (as Alfred)''': The right stupid choice.
* Bill's overjoyed exclamation of [[Film/PrinceOfSpace Krankor?!]] when the Joker's sarcastic laughter interrupts the mob meeting.

-->'''Batman''': [[LargeHam SOMEONE KNOWS WHERE HE IS!]]\\
'''Bill''': RAWR!

-->'''Kevin''': You ever wonder if Batman ever gets lost on the road and has to ask On-Star "WHERE ARE THEY!?"

--->'''Kevin''': You wonder if he's thinking "WHERE AM I?!"

''(Whistle)''\\

-->''(Close-up on the bomb countdown.))''\\

* As the Joker walks away from the exploding hospital

* Singing the [[Series/Batman1966 TV series']] theme (and saying a few onomatopeias) over the party brawl.

'''Mike (as Gambol):''' (mouth full) Is this a long story?\\
'''Joker:''' ...He turns to me and says, "Why so serious??"\\

'''Joker:''' ..."Why so serious??"\\

* How often the guys wind up cracking each other up. All through the film, you Kevin especially laughing whenever Bill and Mike make a perfect joke.

* As young Bruce runs way from his parents funeral:

'''Bill:''' Uh, yeah. ''(to the tune of the Spider-Man theme)'' ♪''Ba-at man, Ba-at man...''♪

-->'''Bill (as Bruce):''' Aha! My mutant powers will still allow me to breath and see! ''(dustcloud hits Bruce; he coughs)'' No. Regular guy. I'm totally dead!\\
'''Mike:''' ''(chuckles)'' ...He always forgets that.

-->'''Kevin (as Bruce):''' Th-that's not a mom! That's a building! ...Dumb kid.

-->'''Mike:''' Well, ''thank god!'' At least it was short! Right, guys? ''("18 months later" appears on-screen)'' Oh, ''motherf[bleep]ker!''

-->'''Witness:''' The government attacked. No mercy in the villages. My parents tried to run... ''(breaks down crying)''\\

'''Bill (as Lois):''' Your famous hotdogs and Cap'n Crunch? ''(strained)'' Heh, ''great''.

-->'''Sean:''' Aqualad got tired of everyone laughing at him and took to writing manifestos. Soon, ''very'' soon it would be Aqualad's turn to laugh.

-->'''Cop:''' ''(into his radio)'' Can we get some backup here?\\

-->'''Conor (as kid in the audience):''' ''(crying)'' Mommy, why is the weird man feeding the old man candy? Where's Batman?!\\

'''Sean (as Clark):''' It-it is? ...I-I mean, ''I am from this planet!''

* Senator Finch tries to rebuff Luthor

'''Sean (as Luthor):''' ''(shocked)'' SENATOR!

-->'''Conor:''' Oh, Film/TheShining Elevator Blood pulled some strings, got his nephew a gig.

'''Sean:''' Can't Superman reverse time by flying around the--?\\

-->'''Sean:''' Clearly the work of, uh... ComicBook/ThePenguin! During that phase where he is playing a lot of jokes and riddles.

* As Luthor starts hammily explaining Greek mythologic:

* As Bruce and Clark tries to stare each down:
-->'''Janet and Cole:''' Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

-->'''Luthor:''' ''(shakes hands with Clark)'' Wow, that is a ''good'' grip! You should, ''not'' pick a fight with this person.\\
'''Cole:''' Ugh! It's like, if the Creator/MarxBrothers were awful.

-->'''Charlie Rose:''' Is it really surprising, that the most powerful man in the world should be a figure of controversy?\\

''(cut to post-apocalyptic Batman scene)''\\
'''Cole:''' ''(disappointed)'' Aw...\\
'''Janet:''' Well now, hold on... Looks like it became ''Film/MadMaxFuryRoad''. That's something.\\
''(the camera pans over some barbed wire)''\\

'''Janet:''' ''(with dread)'' Oh, my god...

-->'''Janet:''' Wait, ''what?! (chuckles)'' I'd say this movie just got ridiculous, but it actually accomplished that feat by the opening title, so...\\
'''Cole:''' I'd bet Zack Snyder pitched this scene as "Film/StarshipTroopers meets the Flying Monkeys from ''Film/TheWizardOfOz''".

''(Superman sneers)''\\

-->'''Cole:''' This almost makes me wish I was watching a Creator/MichaelBay ''Transformer'' movie...\\

'''Janet:''' ''(panicked)'' Cole, I said, no! ''No!''\\

-->'''Ian:''' Well, ''someone''[='s=] [[CompensatingForSomething overcompenstaing]] a bit. All Creator/AdamWest needed was a bit of grass and a narrow entrance.\\

-->'''Ian (as Batman):''' Fortunately, my secret tracking tracking transponder is disguised as [[IncrediblyObviousBug a bat-shaped object, with a persistently flashing red light]]. They'll never know I'm on to them.

-->'''Ian (as Bruce):''' He knows I'm Film/{{Daredevil}} too?\\

'''Ian:''' Oh please, ''no!''

-->'''Ian:''' I'm sorry, he could have flown over that. I feel cheated!

-->'''Bridget (as Clark):''' ''(exasperated)'' Dad, I'm just here to program your VCR.

-->'''Lois:''' ''(to Luthor)'' [[YoureInsane You're psychotic!]]\\

-->'''Bridget (as Lois):''' ''(disappointed)'' Oh... I was expecting Creator/ChristopherReeve... But, no, it's fine...

-->'''Bridget (as Superman):''' ''(exasperated)'' Look, I'm just here about you pushing my girlfriend off your building...

-->'''Luthor:''' Little red notes, big bang... ''(melodramatically)'' "YOU LET YOUR FAMILY DIE!"\\

* As Luthor tries acting rascally and smug towards Superman we get this gem of a quip:
-->'''Mary Jo:''' Y'know, Jesse Eisenberg is the worst Manic Pixie Girl ''ever''.

-->'''Superman:''' ''(with a pained expression)'' No one stays good in this world...\\
'''Mary Jo (as Lois):''' Oh, is that your way of telling me you're not coming to my mom's for Christmas? ''(Superman flies off)'' Okay, ''fine!''

-->'''Superman:''' If I wanted it, you'd be dead already!\\

''(Superman unsuccessfully lashes out at Batman)''\\
'''Bridget (as Superman):''' ''(whiny voice)'' [[BigStupidDoodooHead Well, you're a big, dumb spazz, who is not smart!]]

--->'''Trace (as Batman):''' I hope you don't mind... Wait for it... ''(throws Superman down a stairwell)'' Getting ''the shaft!''\\\
'''Trace (as Batman):''' ''(as Batman ties wire around the downed Superman's leg)'' I hope you don't think I'm... Wait for it... (starts ''(dragging Superman along by his leg)'' Being ''a drag!''

-->'''Frank:''' I'm getting a brain injury for getting hit over the head by this plot-point!

-->'''Trace:''' Batman should have had Scotty's job on ''Star Trek'', because he's ''always'' breaking the laws of physics.

--->'''Frank:''' You know, a couple of title-cards saying "BLAM!" and "POW!" won't hurt right now. Just sayin'.

''(Trace gives a hearty chuckle)''

-->'''Luthor:''' So, if man won't kill god...\\
'''Trace (as Luthor):''' ...Richard Dawkins will.

'''Frank:''' That's my favorite Springsteen song!

* A shut of Doomday's butt takes up a good part of the screen:

'''Trace:''' ''(laughs)'' Do you owe them money?\\
'''Frank:''' Wh-why did they assign us ''this'' part of the film?!\\
'''Trace:''' ''(laughs)'' It-it is the best part, really...

-->'''Frank:''' ''(mock excitement)'' Oh, wow! It's just like everything we've seen ''a million times before!''

-->'''Trace (as Superman):''' ''(in old man voice)'' What's that, sonny? Uh, you got a planet, uh, with a problem, yes?

-->'''Mike (as Doomsday):''' Your superhero quips F[bleep]KING ''SUUUUUCK!!!''

'''Mike:''' Right. But instead of the deathrays, it's passive-agressive stares.

'''Bill and Kevin:''' ''(groaning in pain)''

'''Kevin:''' ''(make his Gandalf impression obvious)'' It's quite cool. ''(laughs)''\\

''(Lois fumbles with the ring)''\\

'''Bill:''' It's quite cool. ''(snickers)''\\

--->'''Luthor:''' But... the bells already been rung...\\
'''Bill (as Luthor):''' ''(in exact same cadence)'' [[Film/ItsAWonderfulLife An... angel's already got its wings...]]

'''Kevin:''' [[IncrediblyLamePun LaBeef Strokeitoff]].

-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Tony steps into the light)'' '''''[[BadassBaritone OIL]] [[CallBack CAN.]]'''''

[[folder: Jurassic Park]]

* During the family [[ADateWithRosiePalms "discussion"]] between Sam and his parents...

-->'''Kevin:''' Kirk is ejected along with a dog-eared copy of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''.\\

'''Bill:''' Thank you, Mike. And may I say how happy I am that our movie, ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'', is finally telling the world something I've been saying for years: that vampires are sparkly! Ho-ho-ho, the world laughed at me and my quoteunquote "crazy ideas about vampire sparkliness", but maybe now that the truth is out, I'll get an apology! ''Kevin''.\\

* "The silver screen cannot contain the [[BlatantLies heated passion]] of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}!''

* Turning "Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew" into a StupidStatementDanceMix.

-->'''Bill:''' Jack-Jack from ''WesternAnimation/TheIncredibles'' looked less digital than this thing!

--->'''Conor:''' I haven't been this exicited about an import license being blocked since the Trade Federation embargoed Naboo!

'''Matthew:''' "But her emails?"

'''Ian:''' Then it is a good job I'm here!

-->'''Matthew:''' It's Kryptoian Clippy!\\

-->'''Bridget (as Lois):''' Uhm, I'm not a hooker...

* When confronted by Superman, Luthor launches into a long-winded, philsophical MotiveRant, based around the Problem of Evil:

* Luthor broasts that it was pretty easily to manipulate Batman:

''(Superman unsuccesfully lashes out at Batman)''\\

* Doomsday unleases an energy that takes out a chunk of the city:

'''Mike:''' And shouldn't you be [[StockShticks walking into a bar]] somewhere?

'''Bill:''' [[SarcasmMode It's the ''nickname'' that is the issue. Not the fact that a werewolf is perving on your newborn.]]

--->'''Bella:''' YOU NICKNAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE ''LOCK NESS MONSTER''!?!\\
'''Bill:''' [[SarcasmMode It's the nickname that is the issue. Not the fact that a werewolf is perving on your newborn.]]

-->'''Bill!I-Rex''': ''Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy suuucks''.

* When the Joker slides down that massive mountain of the mob's money:

* The description brings up the 1985 DorkAge where Thor was turned into a frog and led a frog army, concluding with "This actually happened and you should look it up right now."

-->'''Weird Al (as Grant):''' "Naw, the judge said I'd be in a lot of trouble if I did that again."

* When [[UncannyValley CGI Renesmee]] first shows up:

'''Mike:''' This also prohibits you from doing anymore ''Film/FantasticFour2005'' sequels.

* ''(sung to the tune of the {{Superman}} theme)'' "It's Creator/KeanuReeves, he's going so fast~! It's Keanu Reeves, he's trailing some garbage~! It's Keanu, flying Keanu, going to save the hot chick and then smoke up a bowl~!"

'''Bill (as Pippin):''' [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking And he said that "Voodo Lounge" is the best]] [[Music/TheRollingStones Rolling Stones]] [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking album]]! He's bonkers!

* "Movie has more [[HoYay homoerotic]] staredowns than ''Film/PointBlank'' and ''Film/TopGun'' ''combined''."

* "Even in the Montana badlands, nobody is safe from ''[[Film/RoadHouse BRAD WESLEY!]]''"

* Any joke referencing Creator/ChristianBale's [[MemeticMutation infamous]] [[RantInducingSlight tirade]] (which came from the shooting of this movie).

-->'''Spock:''' Please, Captain… not in front of the Klingons.\\
'''Kevin (as Spock):''' Although, if I get you in front of the Romulans, I will [[HoYay shake the paint off your walls!]]

-->'''"God" (about Kirk):''' Who is this creature?\\

-->'''Mike:''' And so the lamest city in the galaxy falls to the attackers in the universe, in what would come to be known as "The Three-In-A-Half Minutes War".
* Right before the infamous "Row Row Row Your Boat" Sequence

'''Mike:''' And I can get a new stick.
* When Kirk meets Sybock:

'''Mike (as Sybok):''' [[ActorAllusion You're that Priceline idiot]].

-->'''Mike''': Oh! Attention! Scotty has fallen! The hall has been breached!

* When they meet "God":

'''Mike (as [=McCoy=]):''' ...Bullsh*t, Captain.

'''Keven:''' ''(as Spock faces him)'' Did I say you could talk?!

'''Kevin:''' ''(as torpedo hits)''Looks like option two!

* Clark visits Louis and finds her in the bathtub:

'''Bill (as Louis):''' Your famous hotdogs and Cap'n Crunch? ''(strained)'' Heh, ''great''.

* Louis tries to press Secretary Swanwick for information on the bullet she recovered:

* After having Louis kidnapped and greeting her, the first thing Luthor does is creepily put his arm on her shoulder:
-->'''Bridget (as Louis):''' Uhm, I'm not a hooker...
* Louis does a cliché:
-->'''Louis:''' ''(to Luthor)'' [[YoureInsane You're psychotic!]]\\

* Luthor throws Louis his building to summon Superman. He catches her:
-->'''Bridget (as Louis):''' ''(disappointed)'' Oh... I was expecting Creator/ChristopherReeve... But, no, it's fine...
* After saving her, Louis and Superman shares a passionate kiss:
-->'''Bridget (as Louis):''' Oh, ''[[WrongNameOutburst Batman]]!''\\

* Superman tells Louis he has to either convince Batman to help him, or kill him:

'''Mary Jo (as Louis):''' Oh, is that your way of telling me you're not coming to my mom's for Christmas? ''(Superman flies off)'' Okay, ''fine!''

'''Louis:''' No, Clark. Don't!\\
'''Kevin (as Louis):''' Don't call this "your world", you flithy alien!

* The screen fades to black on Batman, Wonder Woman, and Louis looking down at Superman's corpse:

* Ma Kent gives an envolope to Louis:

** The envolope contains an engagement ring:

''(Louis fumbles with the ring)''\\

* Mike succinctly sums up the audience's feelings during the prologue, where we see Martha and Thomas Wrayne, getting gunned down yet again.