History Funny / RifftraxFilmFranchises

20th Feb '17 7:45:13 PM Chris116
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* When Owen and Claire check on a dinosaur who is dying from being killed by the I-Rex...

to:

* When Owen and Claire check on a dinosaur who is dying from being killed mauled by the I-Rex...


Added DiffLines:

* Regarding the late sibling of the ''Indominus''.
-->'''Masrani''': What happened to the sibling?
-->'''Claire''': She ate it.
-->'''Bill''': Its last words were "[[Series/{{Dinosaurs}} NOT THE MAMA!!!]]"


Added DiffLines:

* After Claire and Owen decide to stay together and walk off in the middle of the refugee camp.
-->'''Kevin''': (''as a doctor'') Hey! Where are you two able-boded people going?! We need all the help we can get!
11th Feb '17 7:59:01 PM ErichoTOME
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to:

* "Oh look honey, everyone's gone! Our unholy marriage must've caused the rapture!"
3rd Feb '17 6:48:33 PM speedyboris
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to:

* During the wrestling scene, with the crowd holding signs that say "KILL HIM" and shouting angrily:
--> '''Kevin''': Boy, they hate him. Every single person in the arena wants him, not just hurt, but ''dead''. Actually ''dead''. His head on a pike, right next to the refreshment stand.
25th Jan '17 8:06:17 AM AnotherGuy
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->Has its own [[Funny/RifftraxStarWars page.

to:

->Has its own [[Funny/RifftraxStarWars page.page]].
25th Jan '17 8:05:58 AM AnotherGuy
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Added DiffLines:

[[folder:Star Wars]]
->Has its own [[Funny/RifftraxStarWars page.
[[/folder]]
24th Jan '17 7:32:24 AM Chris116
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[[folder:Star Wars]]
[[AC:StarWars Episode I: The Phantom Menace]]
* The opening with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan:
-->'''Obi-Wan:''' I have a bad feeling about this.\\
'''Mike:''' ''(both riffers laughing ruefully)'' You're not kiddin'.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''That's'' the opening line.\\\
'''Qui-Gon:''' Be mindful of the living Force, young padawan.\\
'''Obi-Wan:''' Yes, master.\\
'''Mike (as Obi-Wan):''' But the screenplay! I sense disaster!
* Any and all riffs pertaining to Jar Jar, but particularly when just resort to cursing him:
-->'''Jar Jar:''' We've no nuttin' moola to trade (or something stupid like that).\\
'''Mike:''' Look, GO TO HELL!
** And this one:
--->'''Jar Jar:''' WEESA GOIN HOOOOOOME!\\
'''Kevin:''' Oh, do so COMPLETELY shut up.
** Kevin actually [[NauseaFuel vomits for five minutes]] while Jar-Jar talks.
** One scene has an unfortunate angle of Jar-Jar as well, as Jar Jar swims away from the camera for a few minutes.
--->'''Mike:''' Ah, thank you for giving us an unhindered look at the business end of America's most loathed character.
** And this surprisingly classy discussion of just ''how'' Jar-Jar annoys people:
--->'''Kevin:''' See, my opinion, the Jar-Jar thing isn't so inherently racist as it is more broadly offensive.\\
'''Mike:''' Really?\\
'''Kevin:''' Yeah, he's more annoying in a metaphysical sense.\\
'''Mike:''' I see, so, he bugs your ''soul''?\\
'''Kevin:''' Actually, yes.
* This exchange:
-->'''Yoda:''' Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.\\
'''Mike:''' Um, Yoda, load of crap biggest ever heard I is that.
** Also "Hey, Yoda, up the hell shut!"
* Mike's reaction to Captain Panaka's rapid InfoDump:
-->'''Mike:''' Wh-who's everyone? Resistance to what? Leaders of what? What's the Federation? What the HELL is going on!?
* This exchange:
-->'''Mike:''' Remember when Theatre/{{Macbeth}} said that life was a tale told by an idiot? I actually think he meant to say ''Star Wars Episode One'' is a tale told by an idiot.
-->'''Kevin:''' Must've been a misprint in [[Creator/WilliamShakespeare the First Folio edition.]]
* [''as a battle droid''] "[[AC:[[Film/{{Patton}} Rommel, you magnificent son of a bitch, I read your book.]]]]"
* The RunningGag of Kevin mispronouncing the names of both Padme and Naboo. This eventually turns into a game of coming up with ''Star Wars'' names more horrible than the real ones, which they end up accomplishing in the middle of the climax.
* "Every fanboy's dream: take NataliePortman to their room and show her their robot."
* On C-3PO meeting R2-D2:
-->'''Kevin:''' And so begins Hollywood's most enduring gay couple.
* On Jar Jar stealing food with his tongue.
-->'''Kevin:''' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre Stop tonguing my fruit!]]

[[AC:StarWars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones]]
* This exchange:
-->'''Mike:''' R-4 is the Windows ME of the Astromech droids.\\
'''Kevin:''' Form a nerdier sentence! No, don't try! You can't!
* [[Film/ThisIslandEarth "Into the Weenie Mobile, and off I go!"]]
* This scene in the GreasySpoon with the slovenly cook Dex:
-->'''Kevin:''' Mike, I invite you to think about that lizard guy's underpants.\\
'''Mike:''' OH! ''(dry-heaving)'' OH! ''(gagging)'' [[BrainBleach WHY, Kevin?!]]\\
'''Kevin:''' Hey, it took your mind off this whole thing for a minute, didn't it?\\
'''Mike:''' You're right. Why, thank you, Kevin! Ah, That guy's underpants...
* When Anakin kisses Padme at the end of the movie:
-->'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Ah, he's using the Jedi Tongue Technique. His training is now complete.
* A conversation between Padmé and Anakin:
-->'''Anakin:''' The thought of not being with you... I can't breathe.\\
'''Mike:''' You can't ''act!''
* After Obi-wan opens a door with the Force:
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh can the theatrics, that was a remote-sensing door!
* As [=C3PO and R2D2=] watch their marriage.
-->'''Mike (as [=C3PO=]):''' Someday that will be you and me, R2, as soon as they get rid of that silly law.
* After one of the "wittier" lines:
-->'''Obi-Wan''': Only in your mind, my very young apprentice.\\
'''Mike:''' Ah, the dialogue crackles like, uh, pudding.
* This exchange:
-->'''Mike:''' Uh, do we have any idea who's fighting who?\\
'''Kevin:''' Yes, the director is fighting the audience, and the audience is fighting back.\\
'''Mike:''' Ah. And who's winning?\\
'''Chad Vader:''' Twentieth Century Fox.
* After Anakin finds his dead mother and does a killing spree on the Tuskans:
-->'''Yoda''': Anakin is in pain... ''terrible'' pain...\\
'''Kevin''': But what about us, Muppet boy?!\\
''(Wipe cut away to Obi-Wan on Geonosis)''\\
'''Kevin''': Hey, don't you wipe cut when I'm talking to you!
* Taking Padme's "I love the water" and turning it into a RunningGag. Example before the arena scene:
-->'''Padme:''' I love you.\\
'''Mike:''' Not as much as the water.
* When the assassin probe sends the poisonous bugs to kill Padme in her sleep:
-->'''Mike (whispering as one of the poisonous bugs):''' FREEDOM!!!\\
''the bugs fall onto the floor)''\\
'''Kevin (as one of the bugs):''' Ow, I broke, like, 47 legs!
* When the Nexu slashes at Padme, [[ClothingDamage tearing off a sleeve and exposing her midriff]]...
-->'''Kevin:''' Ow, that just [[BareYourMidriff bares my midriff]]!\\
'''Mike:''' ''(chuckles)'' [[FanService What a conveniently alluring injury]].
* During the part when Obi-Wan and Count Dooku fight (and later Anakin and Dooku):
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(on Dooku electrocuting Anakin with Force lightning)'' Ooh, nuclear silly-string!\\
''(Followed by Kevin and Mike cheering that Anakin is KO'd)''
** Later...
--->'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' I'm a master of the lightsaber and even ''I'm'' bored. Let's get it on, people!
* The scene where they gush about Padme's bedroom. A description simply cannot do it justice.
-->'''Mike:''' To fanboys, Amidala's bedroom is holier than [[UsefulNotes/SaudiArabia Mecca]], [[UsefulNotes/VaticanCity the Vatican]], the Dome of the Rock, ''and'' Creator/IndustrialLightAndMagic ''combined''.
** Meanwhile, R2 is... inactive for some reason, when he is supposed to really be starting guard.
--->'''Mike:''' Aaaaand R2's defragmenting his hard drive...
* This Scene:
-->'''Mace Windu''': Pilot! Land in that assembly area!\\
'''Clone:''' Yes, sir.\\
'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Was that actually 'Pontius Pilate', 5th Procurator of Judaea? From 26 to 36 AD?\\
'''Mike:''' Uh...no.
* After Shmi dies and Anakin starts his killing spree on the Tuskan village:
-->'''Kevin:''' Uh-oh! [[KubrickStare Kubrick face]]!\\
'''Mike:''' It's the fake Wagner music, makes him insane.
* Kevin's opinion of the RomanticPlotTumor:
-->''(Shot of the Clone Army)''\\
'''Kevin:''' Have you ever seen something more of an affront to ''all that is holy?!?''\\
''(WipeCut to Anakin and Padme having a picnic in a field.)''\\
'''Kevin:''' Except, you know, the last time we saw these two.
* "I could summon the legions of Hell."

to:

[[folder:Star Wars]]
[[AC:StarWars Episode I: The Phantom Menace]]
* The opening with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan:
-->'''Obi-Wan:''' I have a bad feeling about this.\\
'''Mike:''' ''(both riffers laughing ruefully)'' You're not kiddin'.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''That's'' the opening line.\\\
'''Qui-Gon:''' Be mindful
[[folder:Terminator]]
[[AC: Terminator 3: Rise
of the living Force, young padawan.\\
'''Obi-Wan:''' Yes, master.\\
'''Mike (as Obi-Wan):''' But the screenplay! I sense disaster!
* Any and all riffs pertaining to Jar Jar, but particularly when just resort to cursing him:
-->'''Jar Jar:''' We've no nuttin' moola to trade (or something stupid like that).\\
'''Mike:''' Look, GO TO HELL!
** And this one:
--->'''Jar Jar:''' WEESA GOIN HOOOOOOME!\\
'''Kevin:''' Oh, do so COMPLETELY shut up.
** Kevin actually [[NauseaFuel vomits for five minutes]] while Jar-Jar talks.
** One scene has an unfortunate angle of Jar-Jar as well, as Jar Jar swims away from the camera for a few minutes.
--->'''Mike:''' Ah, thank you for giving us an unhindered look at the business end of America's most loathed character.
** And this surprisingly classy discussion of just ''how'' Jar-Jar annoys people:
--->'''Kevin:''' See, my opinion, the Jar-Jar thing isn't so inherently racist as it is more broadly offensive.\\
'''Mike:''' Really?\\
'''Kevin:''' Yeah, he's more annoying in a metaphysical sense.\\
'''Mike:''' I see, so, he bugs your ''soul''?\\
'''Kevin:''' Actually, yes.
* This exchange:
-->'''Yoda:''' Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.\\
'''Mike:''' Um, Yoda, load of crap biggest ever heard I is that.
** Also "Hey, Yoda, up the hell shut!"
* Mike's reaction to Captain Panaka's rapid InfoDump:
-->'''Mike:''' Wh-who's everyone? Resistance to what? Leaders of what? What's the Federation? What the HELL is going on!?
* This exchange:
-->'''Mike:''' Remember when Theatre/{{Macbeth}} said that life was a tale told by an idiot? I actually think he meant to say ''Star Wars Episode One'' is a tale told by an idiot.
-->'''Kevin:''' Must've been a misprint in [[Creator/WilliamShakespeare the First Folio edition.]]
* [''as a battle droid''] "[[AC:[[Film/{{Patton}} Rommel, you magnificent son of a bitch, I read your book.]]]]"
* The RunningGag of Kevin mispronouncing the names of both Padme and Naboo. This eventually turns into a game of coming up with ''Star Wars'' names more horrible than the real ones, which they end up accomplishing in the middle of the climax.
* "Every fanboy's dream: take NataliePortman to their room and show her their robot."
* On C-3PO meeting R2-D2:
-->'''Kevin:''' And so begins Hollywood's most enduring gay couple.
* On Jar Jar stealing food with his tongue.
-->'''Kevin:''' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre Stop tonguing my fruit!]]

[[AC:StarWars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones]]
* This exchange:
-->'''Mike:''' R-4 is the Windows ME of the Astromech droids.\\
'''Kevin:''' Form a nerdier sentence! No, don't try! You can't!
* [[Film/ThisIslandEarth "Into the Weenie Mobile, and off I go!"]]
* This scene in the GreasySpoon with the slovenly cook Dex:
-->'''Kevin:''' Mike, I invite you to think about that lizard guy's underpants.\\
'''Mike:''' OH! ''(dry-heaving)'' OH! ''(gagging)'' [[BrainBleach WHY, Kevin?!]]\\
'''Kevin:''' Hey, it took your mind off this whole thing for a minute, didn't it?\\
'''Mike:''' You're right. Why, thank you, Kevin! Ah, That guy's underpants...
* When Anakin kisses Padme at the end of the movie:
-->'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Ah, he's using the Jedi Tongue Technique. His training is now complete.
* A conversation between Padmé and Anakin:
-->'''Anakin:''' The thought of not being with you... I can't breathe.\\
'''Mike:''' You can't ''act!''
* After Obi-wan opens a door with the Force:
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh can the theatrics, that was a remote-sensing door!
* As [=C3PO and R2D2=] watch their marriage.
-->'''Mike (as [=C3PO=]):''' Someday that will be you and me, R2, as soon as they get rid of that silly law.
* After one of the "wittier" lines:
-->'''Obi-Wan''': Only in your mind, my very young apprentice.\\
'''Mike:''' Ah, the dialogue crackles like, uh, pudding.
* This exchange:
-->'''Mike:''' Uh, do we have any idea who's fighting who?\\
'''Kevin:''' Yes, the director is fighting the audience, and the audience is fighting back.\\
'''Mike:''' Ah. And who's winning?\\
'''Chad Vader:''' Twentieth Century Fox.
* After Anakin finds his dead mother and does a killing spree on the Tuskans:
-->'''Yoda''': Anakin is in pain... ''terrible'' pain...\\
'''Kevin''': But what about us, Muppet boy?!\\
''(Wipe cut away to Obi-Wan on Geonosis)''\\
'''Kevin''': Hey, don't you wipe cut when I'm talking to you!
* Taking Padme's "I love the water" and turning it into a RunningGag. Example before the arena scene:
-->'''Padme:''' I love you.\\
'''Mike:''' Not as much as the water.
* When the assassin probe sends the poisonous bugs to kill Padme in her sleep:
-->'''Mike (whispering as one of the poisonous bugs):''' FREEDOM!!!\\
''the bugs fall onto the floor)''\\
'''Kevin (as one of the bugs):''' Ow, I broke, like, 47 legs!
* When the Nexu slashes at Padme, [[ClothingDamage tearing off a sleeve and exposing her midriff]]...
-->'''Kevin:''' Ow, that just [[BareYourMidriff bares my midriff]]!\\
'''Mike:''' ''(chuckles)'' [[FanService What a conveniently alluring injury]].
* During the part when Obi-Wan and Count Dooku fight (and later Anakin and Dooku):
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(on Dooku electrocuting Anakin with Force lightning)'' Ooh, nuclear silly-string!\\
''(Followed by Kevin and Mike cheering that Anakin is KO'd)''
** Later...
--->'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' I'm a master of the lightsaber and even ''I'm'' bored. Let's get it on, people!
* The scene where they gush about Padme's bedroom. A description simply cannot do it justice.
-->'''Mike:''' To fanboys, Amidala's bedroom is holier than [[UsefulNotes/SaudiArabia Mecca]], [[UsefulNotes/VaticanCity the Vatican]], the Dome of the Rock, ''and'' Creator/IndustrialLightAndMagic ''combined''.
** Meanwhile, R2 is... inactive for some reason, when he is supposed to really be starting guard.
--->'''Mike:''' Aaaaand R2's defragmenting his hard drive...
* This Scene:
-->'''Mace Windu''': Pilot! Land in that assembly area!\\
'''Clone:''' Yes, sir.\\
'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Was that actually 'Pontius Pilate', 5th Procurator of Judaea? From 26 to 36 AD?\\
'''Mike:''' Uh...no.
* After Shmi dies and Anakin starts his killing spree on the Tuskan village:
-->'''Kevin:''' Uh-oh! [[KubrickStare Kubrick face]]!\\
'''Mike:''' It's the fake Wagner music, makes him insane.
* Kevin's opinion of the RomanticPlotTumor:
-->''(Shot of the Clone Army)''\\
'''Kevin:''' Have you ever seen something more of an affront to ''all that is holy?!?''\\
''(WipeCut to Anakin and Padme having a picnic in a field.)''\\
'''Kevin:''' Except, you know, the last time we saw these two.
* "I could summon the legions of Hell."
Machines]]



-->'''Anakin:''' It's all Obi-Wan's fault! HE'S HOLDING ME BACK!\\
'''Kevin (as Anakin):''' The girls like him 'cuz he's got a sweet beard! WHY CAN'T ''I'' HAVE A SWEET BEARD?!
* The sheer number of times they have Mace Windu (played by Samuel L. Jackson) stop resist saying mother*beep*er in this movie.
* And of course from this point forward through the remaining 4 movies (and Holiday Special), the RunningGag about how much Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader hates sand.
* When Anakin is regaining consciousness after being shocked by Dooku's Force Lightning
-->'''WebVideo/ChadVader''': My brother was a giant puss.
* "On May 16, 2002, roughly fifty minutes into midnight showings all across the nation, theater owners in every state witnessed a strange phenomenon. A sea of indiglow rising out of the darkness as disgruntled fanboys checked their watches ''en masse.'' Some were heard to mutter 'It's all happening again...'"

[[AC:StarWars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith]]
* ''[During the scrolling letters]''
-->'''Bill:''' Meanwhile, Vice Chancellor Ugga Bugga and Darth Buttcrack are rendezvousing on the planet Ovaltine, where the rebel leader B.B. Snausageberry is fighting the dreaded Cameltoeians. How's that?
-->'''Mike:''' I think you've got the hang of this whole Lucas thing. Here, have ''twenty billion dollars''.\\
'''Bill:''' Oh, much obliged.
* Kevin finally cracks during the space pod battle:
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh. Oh no. Tell me this movie won't have podracing, will it? 'Cause, 'cause if so, Mike, I'll pay yah good money to let me out of here now. I will sign the deed to my house over to you!\\
'''Mike:''' Kevin, relax. Enjoy this long, long sequence coming up of Jar Jar Binks doing funny stuff.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(screams)'' [[AnythingButThat No, no! Mike, please! Let me out! Seriously. I will kill all your enemies. Please!]]\\
'''Mike:''' Here, breath into this paper bag.
* When Anakin meets Padme (who is wearing her hair in the bun style) again:
-->'''Mike:''' MickeyMouse is waiting for him.\\
'''Kevin (imitating MickeyMouse):''' ''(chuckles)'' Hi, Anakin!
* Palpatine's ludicrous ham:
-->'''Palpatine:''' Dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities, some consider to ''be'' unnatural.\\
'''[=RiffTrax=]:''' ''(continuing)'' And so you see *incomprehensible string of British accented gibberish, featuring prominent long vowels*.
* Continuing the gag of not caring about the battle scenes:
-->'''Bill:''' ''(during the opening Battle of Coruscant)'' Bad thing: I don't know who is fighting who, where, about what. Good thing: I don't care!
* This particular exchange after one of Yoda's, um... yeah:
-->'''Yoda:''' I hope right you are.\\
'''Mike (as Yoda):''' Or predicate will I put again before subject [[CloudCuckoolander and gibberish shall I spout]].\\
'''Kevin:''' True that is, Mike. An idiot sounds he like.\\
'''Bill:''' And yet by many sci-fi geeks beloved he is, though Muppet he is also, and tiring his use of anastrophe is.\\
'''Mike:''' Also true that is. Annoying it very is. Off it pisses me.

to:

-->'''Anakin:''' It's all Obi-Wan's fault! HE'S HOLDING ME BACK!\\
'''Kevin (as Anakin):'''
-->'''Woman''' ''(to T-X)'' Are you okay?\\
'''Kevin:''' "Okay"?
The girls like him 'cuz he's got a sweet beard! WHY CAN'T ''I'' HAVE A SWEET BEARD?!
* The sheer number of times they have Mace Windu (played by Samuel L. Jackson) stop resist saying mother*beep*er in this movie.
* And of course from this point forward through the remaining 4 movies (and Holiday Special), the RunningGag about how much Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader hates sand.
girl who works at Starbucks is "okay." She's naked, hot, and terrific!
* When Anakin is regaining consciousness after being shocked by Dooku's Force Lightning
-->'''WebVideo/ChadVader''': My brother was a giant puss.
* "On May 16, 2002, roughly fifty minutes into midnight showings all across
the nation, theater owners in every state witnessed a strange phenomenon. A sea of indiglow rising out of T-850 first arrives and the darkness as disgruntled fanboys checked their watches ''en masse.'' Some were heard to mutter 'It's all happening again...'"

[[AC:StarWars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith]]
* ''[During the scrolling letters]''
-->'''Bill:''' Meanwhile, Vice Chancellor Ugga Bugga and Darth Buttcrack
guys are rendezvousing on the planet Ovaltine, where the rebel leader B.B. Snausageberry is fighting the dreaded Cameltoeians. How's that?
hoping for another naked T-X:
-->'''Mike:''' Argh! Hey, isn't he too old to be naked? I think you've got mean, ever again?
* When
the hang T-X climbs out of this whole Lucas thing. Here, have ''twenty billion dollars''.the wreckage of the crane:
-->'''Kevin''': How can you fear anyone so cute and pouty?\\
'''Mike (as T-X):''' We are ''so'' not dating anymore!
* Scott is a smirking tool:
-->'''Kate:''' She killed Scott because of me.
\\
'''Bill:''' Oh, much obliged.
'''Kevin:''' Scott would have died of his own douche-ed-ness anyway.
* Kevin finally cracks during has a crush on the space pod battle:
T-X:
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh. Oh no. Tell me this movie won't have podracing, will it? 'Cause, 'cause Oh, I wouldn't mind being in ''her'' "chain of command," if so, Mike, I'll pay yah good money to let me out of here now. you know what I will sign the deed to my house over to you!\\
'''Mike:''' Kevin, relax. Enjoy this long, long sequence coming up of Jar Jar Binks doing funny stuff.
mean.\\
'''Mike:''' Kevin, she's a killer, shape-shifting robot!\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(screams)'' [[AnythingButThat No, no! Mike, please! Let me out! Seriously. Ah, as long as she keeps ''that'' shape most of the time and keeps the killing down to a minimum, I'll stand at attention for her anytime.

[[AC: Terminator Salvation]]
* As Marcus dies in the end of the prologue, the movie [[FadeToWhite fades to white]], and "Directed by [=McG=]" appears on the screen.
-->'''Kevin:''' If this is the last thing I see when I die,
I will kill all your enemies. Please!]]\\
'''Mike:''' Here, breath into
assume I'm going to hell.
* Any jokes pertaining to Marcus and his having been in ''Film/{{Avatar}}''.
* As John Connor steps onto the landing site:
-->'''Mike (as John):''' Thanks for the ride, Harrison!\\
'''Kevin (as Creator/HarrisonFord):''' [[Film/AirForceOne GET OFF MY PLANE!]]
* As the [[HumongousMecha Harvester]] first appears:
-->'''Mike':''' Hey, I think I'm in the wrong movie. You guys seen [[Film/{{Transformers}} a douchy, stammering kid running around with a stripper?]]
* Any joke referencing Creator/ChristianBale's [[MemeticMutation infamous]] [[RantInducingSlight tirade]] (which came from the shooting of
this paper bag.
movie).
** "Don't mention the lights in front of Mr. Bale! Oh, who gave him explosives?!"
** "Hurry--get out of Christian Bale's light!"
** (As John Connor is stranded on a crashed and sinking helicopter) "He's wondering how he can blame ''this'' on the lighting guy." "[[AmericanPsycho Oh, good for you, you broke my helicopter - and how was it]]?"
* "(in a [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga Batman-like]] voice) They know what you are, even if you don't!" "ROAR!"
** "WHAT ARE YOU!?" "I don't know." '''[[NoIndoorVoice "ALRIGHT, I WAS JUST CURIOUS, THAT'S ALL!"]]'''
* When Anakin meets Padme (who Marcus encounters Kyle Reese (looking much like a street urchin)
-->'''Marcus:''' What day
is wearing her hair in it?\\
'''Bill:''' ''(with a Creator/CharlesDickens StreetUrchin voice)'' Why, Christmas Day, sir!
* When
the bun style) again:
old woman is giving the little girl something to eat;
-->'''Mike (as old woman):''' What do you want, honey, Snickers? Slim Jim? Dunkaroos? You want Dunkaroos? Honey? You want Dunkaroos? ''(gets no response)'' WELL, TO HELL WITH YOU, YOU TRAUMATIZED LITTLE FREAK!
* After a man gets hit by a car and the driver proceeds to speed away;
-->'''Mike:''' MickeyMouse is waiting for him.Bet ''that'' guy didn't invite his friends to the premiere.
*
-->'''Kevin:''' Our heroes; [[DesignatedHero Torching a holding pen full of innocent fellow humans to destroy the robot they led there in the first place.]]
* "[[Film/TheRoom Oh, hai prisoner transport! Haha...]]"
* "Okay, quick question... [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga WHERE]] [[ActorAllusion ARE]] [[ChewingTheScenery THEY!?!?"]]
* Mike makes a joke regarding Creator/ChristianBale's tendency to... [[ChewingTheScenery overact.]]
-->'''John Connor:''' I thought I knew our enemy... but that thing... it makes me feel like I know nothing.
\\
'''Kevin (imitating MickeyMouse):''' ''(chuckles)'' Hi, Anakin!
'''Mike (as John):''' I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE ME A [[SoundEffectsBleep BEEPING]] ANSWER!!!
* Palpatine's ludicrous ham:
-->'''Palpatine:''' Dark side of
[[NoIndoorVoice "RAWR!!"]]
* When John lights a flare while underground:
-->'''Bill (as John):''' [[TooDumbToLive Now I can find that gas tank!]]
[[/folder]]


[[folder:Transformers]]
[[AC:Transformers]]
* When
the Force [[FanNickname Popeye robot]] is a pathway after Sam:
--> '''Sam:''' He's gonna kill me!\\
''(the robot pulls his pants down)''\\
'''Bill:''' [[BlackComedyRape I think he has something else in mind..]]
* During the family [[ADateWithRosiePalms "discussion"]] between Sam and his parents...
-->'''Mom:''' It's fine if you don't want
to many abilities, some consider to ''be'' unnatural.call it that... you can call it.\\
'''[=RiffTrax=]:''' ''(continuing)'' And so you see *incomprehensible string of British accented gibberish, featuring prominent long vowels*.
'''Kevin:''' [[IncrediblyLamePun LaBeef Strokeitoff]].
* Continuing When the gag of not caring about Sector 7 cars pull up outside the battle scenes:
-->'''Bill:''' ''(during
Witwicky residence and [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivfvoqBiG04 the opening Battle of Coruscant)'' Bad thing: I don't know who is fighting who, where, about what. Good thing: I don't care!
* This particular exchange after one of Yoda's, um... yeah:
-->'''Yoda:''' I hope right you are.
various agents pile out]]...
-->'''Kevin:''' [[Film/TheMatrix Mr. Anderson]]...
\\
'''Mike (as Yoda):''' Or predicate will I put again before subject [[CloudCuckoolander and gibberish shall I spout]].'''Bill:''' ...Mr. Anderson...\\
'''Kevin:''' True that is, Mike. An idiot sounds he like.'''Mike:''' ...'''MR.''' Anderson...\\
'''Bill:''' And yet by many sci-fi geeks beloved he is, though Muppet he is also, and tiring his use of anastrophe is.'''Bill:''' ...Mr. ''Anderson''...\\
'''Kevin:''' ...MIS-TER Anderson...
** Doubly funny considering who's voicing Megatron in the movies...
* When the various character groups meet up at the Hoover Dam:
-->'''Tom Banachek:''' Son, listen to me very carefully. People could die here.\\
'''Mike:''' Also true If we really put our minds to it, people could die here.
* The Decepticon roll call turned into something out of Thomas the Tank Engine.
* When Scorponok attacks the Special Ops survivors and they retreat to the nearby village to get a cell phone to be made to the Pentagon, and a bunch of locals come out with guns to assist the Special Ops team:
-->'''Mike (as Qatar locals):''' How dare you interrupt ''Series/WillAndGrace''?! This better be good!
* When Sam's car first transforms:
-->'''Kevin:''' Ah, brings me back to when I was seven years old...in
that is. Annoying it very is. Off it pisses me.I'm cranky, kind of hungry, and I'm close to tears.
* Similarly:
-->'''Mike:''' Yep, this is just like my junior prom.\\
'''Kevin:''' Wow, hot girl in your lap?\\
'''Mike:''' No, I was at home playing with my Transformers.

[[AC: Revenge of the Fallen]]
* The first thing out of 'Sam's mouth after meeting the Primes and returning to life:
-->"God is a bunch of robots!"
* Bumblebee's reaction upon seeing Sam apparently die.
-->"I'm free! I'm finally free!"
* '''Bill:''' General Motors would like to remind its many former employees not to think about how much all the product placement cost.
* On the appearance of [[TheScrappy the twins]].
-->'''Mike:''' Oh good; twin mechanical Jar Jars.\\
'''Mudflap:''' That hurt, man.\\
'''Skids:''' It's supposed to hurt. It's an ass-kickin'.\\
-->'''Mike:''' I believe that was actually the movie poster tagline for Transformers 2.
* When a poster for ''Bad Boys II'' appears on screen.
-->'''Bill:''' The movie Transformers 2 would like to take this moment to remind you Michael Bay sucked 14 years ago too. We now return you to your noisy mayhem.
* During the opening:
-->'''Optimus Prime:''' ...a species much like our own: capable of great compassion...\\
'''Bill:''' Hey! Take that back [[HypocriticalHumor or I'll kill you!]]
* ''Everybody Shea!''
** Wawawawabubububububbababababababa!
** Nonononononon!
* "And now Patrick Star appears and unwraps a Krabby Patty of whoopass."
* Upon seeing the results of Sam's mother eating a pot brownie
-->'''Mike:''' So she took the kind of pot that A) works instantly and B) gets you drunk.
* The continuation of a military guy's narmy one-liner:
-->'''Morshower:''' Ensign, how many?\\
'''Ensign:''' Not clear, sir.\\
'''Morshower:''' Well, ''get'' clear.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' I've tried, but the system is unresponsive, sir.\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' Well, ''get'' responsive.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' Uh, yes sir, just give me a minute.\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' Well, ''get'' a minute.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' I-I don't know what that means, sir.\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' Well, ''get'' know what that means.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' I'm just gonna stop responding to you now.\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' Well, ''get'' responding to me now.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' Alright, LOOK SIR!\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' ''(chuckles)'' I kid you, Sargeant.
* "ADULTS made this movie right?"
** "Adults, yes...[[TakeThat and Michael Bay]]."
* During the fight in Egypt:
-->'''Kevin:''' Mike, you'll tell me when I should start caring about ''anything'' that's happening, please?\\
'''Mike''': Will do!\\
'''Kevin:''' Will that time ever come?\\
'''Mike''': It will not.

[[AC:Dark of the Moon]]
* "What the hell was that thing?"
-->'''Mike''': Six word review of this film.
-->'''Optimus Prime''': That...is [[TheDreaded Shockwave]].
-->(''Optimus throws his sword away'')
-->'''Kevin''' (''as someone offscreen''): Oww!
* When Wang screams "Shut up!" to a co-worker:
-->'''Kevin''': Wow, Bill, that's like you, several times in every recording session.
-->'''Bill''': '''SHUT UP!!!'''
* "[[ARareSentence I don't think this is about the Decepticons looking for something on the moon.]]"
-->'''Mike''':...[[{{Narm}}A grown man said in all seriousness]].
* Mike's gotten the hang of naming Transformers.
-->'''Mike:''' Arise, Decepticons! [[LukeNounverber Starchunk]]! [[ToiletHumor Thunderbucket]]! [[DopeSlap Slaptimus]]! [[Film/{{Aliens}} Bughunt]]! [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot Snaketocopter]]! And Mortimer W. Clankitybritches!
* On Ken Jeong's bowtie-sporting character:
-->'''Mike:''' If the Georges "Will" and "Takei" had a baby.
* On Starscream's death:
-->'''Sam:''' Well, he's dead.\\
'''Kevin:''' That would be my eulogy if I was asked to speak at Michael Bay's funeral.



-->'''Mace Windu:''' I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi.\\
'''Mike:''' That's funny; we can't sense ANY plot whatsoever!
* This exchange:
-->'''Obi-Wan:''' Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil!\\
'''Anakin:''' From my point of view, the Jedi are evil.\\
'''Bill:''' From my point of view, a monkey wrote this script with his PENIS!
* All of the jabs involving how Creator/SamuelLJackson is [[SirSwearsALot notorious for swearing.]]
** You're not a mother[[SoundEffectsBleep *BLEEP*]]ing master.
* As [[Creator/SamuelLJackson Mace Windu:]]
-->'''Kevin:''' I have had it with these [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane motherf**kin Sith on this motherf**kin planet!]]
* Any and all jabs at Hayden Christiansen's talent...or rather, lack thereof.
-->Bland?
* On Anakin's transformation into Creator/JamesEarlJones:
-->'''Bill:''' He can't do it all at once, or it'll kill him! He's gotta work his way up the manly scale. First he turns into Lance Bass, then Rupert Everett--\\
'''Mike:''' --then Scott Stapp, David Duchovny, Wesley Snipes, Russell Crowe, Rosie O'Donnell, and THEN James Earl Jones.
* This exchange:
-->'''Palpatine:''' NO...no, no. YOU WILL DIE!\\
'''Mike (as Palpatine):''' NO! [[Literature/OfMiceAndMen I don't wanna go to tha big place!]]
* On Palpatine's last line following Anakin's becoming of a Sith lord:
-->'''Palpatine:''' ONCE MORE THE SITH WILL RUUUUUULE THE GALAXY... ''(voice lowering with each word)'' ...aaand...weee...shall have...peeeeeeeeeeaaaace.\\
'''Riffers:''' ''(clapping)'' Oh lovely, marvelous, Darth Actor, ladies and gentlemen, Darth Actor.
* Their take of order 66 is utterly hilarious
-->'''Palpatine:''' Commander Cody, the time has come. Execute Order... 66.\\
'''Bill:''' [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotHeinous Spicy Shrimp with SNOW PEAS!!!]] ''(Bill echoes Palpatine's narmy evil laugh from earlier)''
* Upon the reveal of Darth Vader via mechanical moving table:
-->'''Bill:''' If this slowly rotates him facedown into a pie, the entire journey will have been worth it.
* As the Empire watches the Death Star under construction:
-->'''Kevin (as Tarkin):''' Yeah, so Darth, a couple of weeks we'll start building it, then we can take that decal off the wall of the window. Until then, looks cool, eh?\\
'''Bill (as Vader):''' So, where are the ladies on this ship?\\
'''Mike (as Palpatine):''' Ah, my son. You have much to learn about the Dark Side.\\
'''Bill (as Vader):''' [[BigNo NO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]\\
'''Kevin:''' Ah, you see, Bill? That one seems kind of warranted.
* When the Wookies are preparing to charge:
--> [[Film/{{300}} THIS.. IS... THE TEDDY BEAR PICNIC!]]
* Any and all Palpatine/Sideous Old Man jokes.
-->I want a muffin.\\
Oh, my robes!\\
I want a Fig Newton!\\
OH, I never knew my pants could be this full!\\
Oh, I'm whipped. Some noodle soup and bed for me.
* The RunningGag about R2 being a droid serial killer.
* When the Anakin/Vader's 501st Legion attacks the Jedi Temple:
--> '''Mike:''' ''(sadly)'' Oh, and they even attacked the bowling alley!

to:

-->'''Mace Windu:''' I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi.\\
'''Mike:''' That's funny; we can't sense ANY plot whatsoever!
* This exchange:
-->'''Obi-Wan:''' Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil!\\
'''Anakin:''' From my point of view, the Jedi are evil.\\
-->'''Shia Labeouf:''' WOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH!!!\\
'''Bill:''' From my point of view, a monkey wrote this script with his PENIS!
* All of the jabs involving how Creator/SamuelLJackson is [[SirSwearsALot notorious for swearing.]]
** You're not a mother[[SoundEffectsBleep *BLEEP*]]ing master.
* As [[Creator/SamuelLJackson Mace Windu:]]
-->'''Kevin:''' I have had it with these [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane motherf**kin Sith on this motherf**kin planet!]]
* Any and all jabs at Hayden Christiansen's talent...or rather, lack thereof.
-->Bland?
* On Anakin's transformation into Creator/JamesEarlJones:
-->'''Bill:''' He can't do it all at once, or it'll kill him! He's gotta work his way up the manly scale. First he turns into Lance Bass, then Rupert Everett--\\
'''Mike:''' --then Scott Stapp, David Duchovny, Wesley Snipes, Russell Crowe, Rosie O'Donnell, and THEN James Earl Jones.
* This exchange:
-->'''Palpatine:''' NO...no, no. YOU WILL DIE!\\
'''Mike (as Palpatine):''' NO! [[Literature/OfMiceAndMen I don't wanna go to tha big place!]]
* On Palpatine's last line following Anakin's becoming of a Sith lord:
-->'''Palpatine:''' ONCE MORE THE SITH WILL RUUUUUULE THE GALAXY... ''(voice lowering with each word)'' ...aaand...weee...shall have...peeeeeeeeeeaaaace.\\
'''Riffers:''' ''(clapping)'' Oh lovely, marvelous, Darth Actor, ladies and gentlemen, Darth Actor.
* Their take of order 66 is utterly hilarious
-->'''Palpatine:''' Commander Cody, the time has come. Execute Order... 66.\\
What's that Shia?\\
'''Shia Labeouf:''' WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!\\
'''Bill:''' [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotHeinous Spicy Shrimp with SNOW PEAS!!!]] ''(Bill echoes Palpatine's narmy evil laugh from earlier)''
* Upon the reveal of Darth Vader via mechanical moving table:
-->'''Bill:''' If this slowly rotates him facedown into a pie, the entire journey will have been worth it.
* As the Empire watches the Death Star under construction:
-->'''Kevin (as Tarkin):''' Yeah, so Darth, a couple of weeks we'll start building it, then we can take that decal off the wall of the window. Until then, looks cool, eh?\\
'''Bill (as Vader):''' So, where are the ladies on this ship?\\
'''Mike (as Palpatine):''' Ah, my son. You have much to learn about the Dark Side.\\
'''Bill (as Vader):''' [[BigNo NO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]\\
'''Kevin:''' Ah, you see, Bill? That one seems kind of warranted.
* When the Wookies are preparing to charge:
--> [[Film/{{300}} THIS.. IS... THE TEDDY BEAR PICNIC!]]
* Any and all Palpatine/Sideous Old Man jokes.
-->I want a muffin.\\
Oh, my robes!\\
I want a Fig Newton!\\
OH, I never knew my pants could be this full!\\
Oh, I'm whipped. Some noodle soup and bed for me.
*
see!\\
'''Shia Labeouf:''' WWWWOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!\\
'''Bill:'''
The RunningGag about R2 being a droid serial killer.
* When the Anakin/Vader's 501st Legion attacks the Jedi Temple:
--> '''Mike:''' ''(sadly)'' Oh, and they even attacked the bowling alley!
career of Shia Labeouf summed up in five seconds, everyone.



--> '''Padme:''' Ani...I'm pregnant.\\
'''Mike (as Padme):''' I'm pretty sure it's Watto's. I can feel its wings moving around.
* "I believe I have the right to know if you are ''pants-crapping insane!"''
* The IAmVeryBritish persona they give Obi-Wan.
* Mike decides to take advantage of the Palpatine/Mace Windu fight and uses the time to share a (surprisingly detailed) recipe for dip with his friends and the listeners. Made funnier by Bill and Kevin trying to listen to him and pay attention to the film at the same time.
-->'''Bill:''' ...Uh, Samuel has the guy ''pinned down now,'' Mike.
* "What do you think, penis-headed ghost of Hamlet's father?"
* "Sky-WANKER."
* The guys making fun of Yoda's speech pattern.
* When Anakin is complaining to Palpatine
-->'''Palpatine:''' It is upsetting to me to see that the Council doesn't seem to fully appreciate your talents.\\
'''Mike:''' WHAT TALENTS?!
* During the Order 66 Scene
-->'''Bill:''' Kevin, uh, execute Order 66 against Mike, can you?\\
'''Kevin (as a clone trooper):''' It will be done, my lord.\\
''(Blaster fire, Kevin laughs evilly. Mike groans in pain.)''\\
'''Bill:''' Ke-Kevin, what the hell?\\
'''Kevin:''' Uh wait, uh, 66 is to kill Mike without question wasn't it?\\
'''Bill:''' No, that's Order ''67''! I just e-mailed you about the change! 66 was to pick up some of that Hawaiian bread on the way over to Mike's [place], 'cause he's making a spinach dip.\\
'''Kevin:''' Now Mike's dead. Dang it. Good one, Kevin.\\
'''Mike:''' ''(grunts)'' No, it's -- it's okay; Kevin missed.\\
''(Bill and Kevin laugh and sigh in relief)''\\
'''Bill:''' Though it is good to know that you're prepared to kill Mike without question, Kevin. I-- I do appreciate that.\\
'''Kevin:''' Ah, yeah.\\
'''Mike:''' But, uh, you're still bringing Hawaiian bread, right?\\
'''Kevin:''' Mike, please, who's your BUDDY?\\
'''Mike:''' ''(laughing)'' You.\\
'''Kevin:''' That would be ME, Mike!\\
'''Bill:''' The guy who would kill you without--\\
'''Mike:''' -- kill me without question.
* When Obi-Wan's lightsaber lands in front of Commander Cody when he loses it while chasing Grievous:
-->'''Bill (as Commander Cody):''' What the-?! Hey! Who dropped their lipgloss?!
* ALL of the guys comments about poor old Ki Adi Mundi and his [[UnfortunateCharacterDesign weird-looking head]], which start off fairly high brow ("He's certainly sitting erect.") but eventually just devolve into this
-->'''Mike:''' ''(during the scene where Mundi is leading an army on a snow covered planet)'' Santa Penis-Head defends the North Penis-Pole!
** And immidiately afterwards when the clones turn on him:
--->'''Kevin (as Mundi):''' Wha?! No, please! ''NOT'' IN THE JUNK!!! ...Well, since I'm nearly all junk, DO YOUR WORST!
** And then Mike's eulogy which finally causes Kevin to tire of the gag.
--->'''Mike''': Imagine the eulogy, "Ya know, Bob was so much fun to be around, he would rise to the occasion, he was never down, he was always ''tumescent'', he never just mope around the office all flacid like--\\
'''Kevin''' OKAY!
* From Mundi's scene, this joke about him looking like Santa:
-->'''Ki Adi Mundi:''' Come on!\\
'''Bill (as Mundi):''' We must end the elf rebellion!
* The ultimate CallBack as Anakin/Vader is about to kill one of the Nemodians (which is Nute Gunray's species).
-->'''Mike:''' "[[Film/PrinceOfSpace Macken!]]"
* A very obscure but hilarious reference found when Anakin and Obi-Wan are leaping over huge distances between small boulders in the lava flow:
-->'''Kevin:''' ''[[VideoGame/TheLegendOfKage Legend of Kage]]'' jump!
* Yoda and Anakin talking about his premonitions:
-->'''Anakin:''' They're of pain, suffering... Death.\\
'''Yoda:''' Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?\\
'''Mike (as Yoda):''' Someone small and green, for instance.
* As Anakin burns and Obi-Wan walks away:
-->'''Kevin:''' If he's feeling the slightest bit remorseful, I have [[UrineTrouble some advice on how he could put out that fire...]]
* As Palpatine finds the maimed and badly burned Anakin:
-->'''Bill (as Palpatine):''' Pardon me, grotesque triple amputee, but I'm looking for someone: Roughly your height, with legs of course, petulant attitude, wanted to rule the galaxy, probably won't find him on any beaches?
* One of the riffers making WesternAnimation/SpeedyGonzales noises as Yoda is fighting Palpatine.
* "Ribbit."

[[AC:Star Wars IV: A New Hope]]
* "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, [[Creator/GeorgeLucas a film maker]] said, 'I WILL create a character named Kit Fisto!'"
* "Genius, thwarting SelfDemonstrating/DarthVader by sending the plans to a planet covered in ''sand''. He hates that stuff!
* "Door. Guys. Door! Guys! DOOR! GU-ah, crap."
* "Good guys are dropping left and right, the Stormtroopers have no idea how to react. Nothing like this has ever happened to them before!"
* The riff on the scene with Vader, Tarkin, and several Imperial Officers:
-->'''Kevin:''' The Council of Lousy Haircuts!\\\
'''Kevin:''' Music/PhilCollins had been a real jerk since he got that toupee.\\\
'''Mike:''' When did we let an American in?\\\
'''Bill (as Tarkin):''' Can't we have just ''one'' nice meal together?
* "My pants are plastic/My helmet's tight/My balls are swinging left to right!"
** "Chafe chafe chafe chafe chafe chafe chafe..."
* [[Series/DoctorWho "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"]]
* One of [[GallowsHumor the most callous and hilarious one-liners]] in the entire series riff:
-->'''C-3PO:''' I'm C-3P0, human cyborg relations. And this is my counterpart, R2-D2.\\
'''Luke:''' Hello.\\
'''Kevin (as [=R2D2=]):''' I stood next to your mother as she ''died''.
** Bill's reaction, a dark little chuckle and an understated "Utini" makes it the funniest thing to ever happen.
* Absolutely [[EnsembleDarkHorse EVERYTHING]] regarding the unfortunately named Porkins.
** "I blame Porkins!"
** "I think I see [[IncrediblyLamePun pieces of Porkins]] all over the Death Star."
** "This will henceforth be known as St. Porkins' Day!"
* "I think we better go, there could be dangerous people lurking. What? [[TooDumbToLive There are dangerous people lurking?]] [[WhatAnIdiot Hey, let's go check it out]]."
* The Tusken Raiders Scene
** When The Tusken pops out of nowhere to attack Luke:
--->'''Mike:''' Packers!! Whoo!
** After the Tusken Raider knocks out Luke:
--->'''Kevin:''' [[Film/BillyMadison O'DOYLE RULES!]]\\
'''Bill:''' The sand people speak fluent Sea Lion. Unfortunately, the only thing you can say in Sea Lion is: "I desire more fish, please fling them to me."
* This scene:
-->'''Imperial Officer:''' We analyzed their attack, sir, and there is a danger. Shall I have your ship standing by?\\
'''Tarkin:''' ''Evacuate'', in our moment of our triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.\\
'''Bill (as Tarkin)''': [[TooDumbToLive In fact, drain the gas from my ship and lock the keys inside it!]] That's how strongly I feel.
* After some bickering between C-3PO and R2-D2:
-->'''Kevin:''' Remember, they've been sniping at each other like this since ''before Luke was born''.

[[AC:Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back]]
* These jokes involving Dack:
** "Right now, I feel like I can take on the whole Empire by myself."
--->'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Dack forgot to wear his RedShirt.
** When Dack dies:
--->'''Kevin:''' ''(mockingly)'' So his whole "Take on the Empire by yourself" thing was all just big talk, huh, that phony?!\\
'''Mike:''' Kevin, he's dead!\\
'''Kevin:''' He's a ''dead'' phony!
** When Luke's snowspeeder crashes:
--->'''Mike (as Dack):''' Oh, man. Oh, Luke, you okay? I was out cold there for a few minutes, I got this broken nose, blood everywhere, really embarrassing. Hey, my seatbelt's a little stuck, can you, uh, help me with it? Uh, Luke, where the hell are you going? This isn't funny, man. Don't take my wallet, you piker! When I get out of here I swear to God, I'm gonna-- D'OWWW!\\
'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Clever skit, Nelson. Your powers of humor are complete.
* On the probe droid on Hoth:
-->'''Kevin:''' Look out, it's a probe droid. [[AnalProbing Don't let it see your]] '''''[[AnalProbing ass]]'''''!
* When Chewie does a giggle-growl at Leia's jibe at Han.
-->'''Kevin (as Chewie):''' Pwned!\\
'''Han:''' Laugh it up, fuzzball.\\
'''Kevin (as Chewie):''' Don't mind if I do, skin tube!
* After Leia kisses Luke:
-->'''Kevin (as Leia):''' Now, if you'll excuse me, I am scheduled to make out with my dad.
* On one of the snowtroopers who gets shot (which bear some resemblance to the infamous KKK)...
-->'''Mike:''' A klansman!
* WebVideo/ChadVader presents the lyrics to the Imperial March theme as he learned them when growing up.
-->♪I am the friendly bunny named Fred. Come close to me and I'll feast on your head!♪
* "Hm. Tripping balls I am, right now!"
* "Lando?" [[RunningGag "Cerebro?" "Magneto!"]]
* "I'll be in the mystery cave on Dagobah, holding a lightsaber. First come, first serve. Must not be related. Bears preferred."
* "Down boy, quit humping my leg!"
* When we see that Darth Vader is at Cloud City:
-->'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Brunch, anyone?
* After Vader cuts off Luke's hand...
-->'''Darth Vader:''' There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you.\\
'''WebVideo/ChadVader (as Darth Vader):''' Don't make me lay the smackdown on that ass.
* When Luke finds out that Darth Vader is in fact, his father, Anakin Skywalker:
-->'''Luke:''' ''NOOOO''!!! NO!\\
'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Hey, that's my line. And it's not (Whiningly) "No, NO!", [[RevengeOfTheSith it's just]], [[BigNo NO!!!!!!!!!]]
* When Luke has visions of his friends suffering, Yoda tells him he is seeing the future.
-->'''Mike:''' They're attending the premiere of ''[[ThePhantomMenace Episode I]]''.
* When Vader orders Admiral Piett not to fail him:
-->'''Vader''' Dont fail me again, ''Admiral''.\\
'''Mike''' He failed, and Vader turned him into a [[CallForward Trap-fearing Squid head]]
* On Leia's sad expression after Han is frozen in Carbonite:
-->'''Mike (as Leia, in a disturbed tone)''': Now I love [[Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial Malla]]. I think I need help.
* When the Falcon can't jump into hyperspace, despite being fixed, due to Admiral Piett's stormtroopers turning it off off-screen...
-->'''Lando''': It's not my fault!
-->'''Mike''': "It's not my fault", the most frequently heard phrase after test screenings of ''Star Wars'' movies.

[[AC:Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi]]
* Pretty much anything relating to the Ewok/Stormtrooper battle:
** "Today's the day the teddy bears have their ''murder''!"
** "Remember: these are the Empire's ''best'' troops."
** "Film/TheHurtLocker as presented by the Build-a-Bear Workshop."
** "Gently tap them to death!"
** "My God, they're eating them. That's a little strong."
** "By dawn, the stench smoldering fun fur and melting black button eyes had blackened the sky..."
** When an Ewok was killed by an AT-ST during the DarkestHour (The riff makes an otherwise TearJerker scene into a funny moment.):
--->'''Bill (as dead Ewok)''': *groans weakly* Give my vest... to the Hair Bear Bunch. Tell Skinhorse I'll always love him. Have Funshine Bear deliver my eulogy and donate my body to... Toys For Tots...
** "It's like a scene from 'Film/HarryAndTheHendersons: Harry Goes to Iraq.'"
* This:
-->'''Imperial Officer:''' You rebel scum.\\
'''Bill:''' You Imperial slut!
* ''[Watching the Rebels getting owned outside the Death Star during]''
-->'''Emperor Palpatine:''' The Alliance will die, as will your friends.\\
'''Mike:''' [[Literature/HarryPotter Ron, Hermione,]] [[LordOfTheRings Merry, Pippin,]] [[{{Transformers}} Bumblebee,]] all of them!
* "And they meet [[TheLordOfTheRings Porkins the White]]."
*
-->'''Admiral Ackbar:''' It's a trap!\\
'''Bill:''' This is no time to quote tired Internet memes, sir!
* When Leia is disguised as Boush and is handing Chewie to Jabba.
-->'''C-3PO:''' Fifty thousand, no less.\\
'''Mike (as Jabba):''' Well, do I look like I'm made of money?\\
'''Kevin (as a guy offscreen):''' No, you look like you're made of expired Crisco! \\
'''Mike (as Jabba):''' Who said that?!
* On the (in)famous Leia gold bikini:
-->'''Bill:''' And there we have it, the costume that makes Comic Con bearable.\\
'''Kevin:''' And in a few outlying cases, much, much worse.\\
'''Bill:''' [[CrossPlaying You saw that guy too, huh?]]
* On Endor, as a scout trooper walks away from his comrade...
-->'''Bill (as the scout trooper):''' I'm gonna practice [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy shooting and missing at some trees]]. See you later.
* When Jabba says in Huttese that he will enjoy seeing Luke die, we get this response from Kevin:
-->'''Kevin (as Jabba):''' ...in ''[[VideoGame/ZeldaIITheAdventureOfLink Zelda II]]''. It's surprisingly difficult for such an old game.
** After the above moment, when Luke falls down into the Rancor pit:
--->'''Bill (as Luke):''' "WHY DIDN'T I BRING MY LIGHTSABER?!"
* When the portcullis opens and the Rancor appears:
-->'''Bill''': And from behind that door emerges RIP TAYLOR!\\
'''Kevin''': Aaah!
* At the end, when the Force Ghosts appear and HaydenChristensen is among them:
-->'''Kevin (as Luke):''' Oh, hey fellas. Now who the hell is smirking little douchebag?
* [[AndThisIsFor "This is for Itchy!"]]
* As Luke and Obi-Wan talk:
-->'''Obi-Wan:''' Your father...\\
'''Bill:''' Was a tool with a little ponytail.
* When Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sideous) starts torturing Luke with Force Lightning.
-->'''Darth Sideous''': If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed.\\
''(The emperor shoots Force Lightning at Luke)''\\
'''Bill''': That's funny; that's Apple's new advertising slogan, too.
* "It's the Retcon Battalion!"
-->'''Pilot''': There's too many of them!\\
'''Kevin''': It's as if [[Creator/GeorgeLucas someone]] added extra ships after the fact.
* "Yes, Episode VI, aka the one you thought was worst Star Wars episode until you got proved ''severely'' wrong [[Film/ThePhantomMenace sixteen years later]]... and again [[Film/AttackOfTheClones nineteen years later]]... and again [[Film/RevengeOfTheSith twenty-two years later]]... and again [[WesternAnimation/StarWarsTheCloneWars twenty-five years later]]."
* After Emperor Palpatine stands up in a long shot to greet Luke:
-->'''Kevin''': [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Brain Guy?]]\\
'''Bill''': Who?
* While Luke is being electrocuted by Palpatine...
-->'''Bill (as Vader)''': Sure, I'll help you, Son. I'll just use my ''two'' hands--oh, wait!

[[AC:Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens]]
* The gang opens the podcast with Kevin and Bill excited and ready for more ''Star Wars'' - which they believe is made of entirely senate hearings, joint committees, etc. Mike has to inform them that they "focus group'd it or something", and actually made a good movie entirely without those things.
* As the stormtroopers deploy during their attack on the Jakku village...
-->'''Bill''': Gentlemen, fire, ''[[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy and miss an astounding percentage of your shots]]'', at will.
* When Kylo Ren takes a look at Finn, Mike claims Kylo knows that Finn is internally mocking his helmet.
-->'''Mike (as Kylo Ren):''' I can read minds, you know. Who's thinking my mask looks like an art deco baby elephant head?
* During the village attack scene, as Kylo Ren's shuttle lands to drop him off.
-->'''Kevin (as Kylo Ren):''' Don't land on the squirrel(s).\\
'''Mike (as Stormtrooper):''' Sir, you told us to slaughter everyone in sight.\\
'''Kevin (as Kylo Ren):''' Except squirrels, I said! I like squirrels!
** And it all comes down to this moment:
--->'''Phasma:''' Sir, the villagers?\\
'''Kylo Ren:''' ...{{Kill them all}}.\\
'''Bill (as Kylo Ren):''' [[BrickJoke ...Except the squirrels]]. God help you if you harm one of those precious creatures!
* The RunningGag of mocking Rey for apparently parking her vehicles ''far'' from her actual destination.
* After Poe names Finn:
-->'''Mike:''' Be see you at conventions for the next 40 years!
* On [[Creator/GwendolineChristie Captain Phasma]]:
-->'''Kevin''': Would you take off your helmet?!
* When Admiral Ackbar makes his first appearance in the film, the guys beg him to recite his [[MemeticMutation famous line]]. Ackbar states he only does it at conventions!
* Han and Chewie's return, before Han says, "Chewie, we're home.":
-->'''Bill (as Han):''' Let's grab my [[MoneyDearBoy paycheck]] and get outta here!
* On Supreme Leader Snoke:
-->'''Bill:''' I wonder what made the Lincoln Memorial turn to the Dark Side.
* Rey earning one quarter portion from Unkarr Plutt:
-->'''Kevin:''' That's like a quarter pounder, but with much less plastic.
* When Rey is returning home at sunset:
-->'''Bill:''' Just ''one'' lousy sun?! What kind of crap desert planet is this?
* Han asserting to Chewie that he talks his way out of things every time. The guys ponder what Chewie really said.
-->'''Kevin:''' What does he do every time?\\
'''Bill:''' Well from the looks of it, cut his own hair.
* Han and Leia's conversation about [[spoiler: Kylo Ren]].
-->'''Leia:''' You're his father.\\
'''Kevin (as Han):''' Wait, you told me it was Greedo's kid!\\
'''Mike (as Leia):''' No, ''[[GettingCrapPastTheRadar you]]'' [[DoubleEntendre shot first.]]
* Regarding General Hux:
-->'''Mike:''' When Weasley's turn bad.[[note]]Domnhall Gleeson played Bill Weasley in the final ''Film/HarryPotter''[[/note]]
** During Hux's Hitler-esqe speech, they accuse the movie for ripping off ''Film/StarshipTroopers[='=]'' satire and symbolism on fascism.
** And this gem:
--->'''Hux''': Today is the end of the Republic!\\
'''Kevin (as Hux)''': BEHOLD, Starkiller's first Costco!
** As the camera zooms in on him yelling "...AS THE LAST DAY...OF THE REPUBLIC!!!", the riffers actually are chuckling from his somewhat-narmness, and as the stormtroopers do the fist equivalent of the Nazi salute...
--->'''Bill (as a stormtrooper)''': We're not Nazis!
* As Starkiller's beam is fired with all the First Order guys watching...
-->'''Kevin (As Starkiller technician)''': Gah, jeez. Aww jeez! Uh, quick everyone, [[Film/IndianaJonesAndTheKingdomOfTheCrystalSkull find a fridge and get in]]! Oh boy!"
* As Finn approaches Nima Outpost:
-->'''Kevin:''' Then at last, he comes across an oasis… [[Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial run]] by Creator/BeaArthur and Harvey Korman is there, pouring a drink into his head. So he lies down and quietly dies.
* When [[spoiler: Starkiller Base]] is destroyed.
-->'''Mike:''' Welp, bad guys, fourth time's the charm! Let's get building!
* The guys embrace Kylo Ren's MemeticLoser status among the fandom. Several jokes are made about him not having talent or powers when said otherwise (much like Hayden Christiansen in the prequels) or how Snoke did a crappy job training him.
* When Rey chases down Finn almost the moment they meet.
-->'''Mike:''' Yep, that happened to me everytime I asked a woman out. Came barreling at me with a stick.\\
''(Kevin and Bill laugh)''\\
''(Rey beats Finn to the ground)''\\
'''Mike:''' And if they ''did'' go out with me, ''that's'' always how the date usually ended.
* [[spoiler: When Han Solo falls to his doom after being slain by his son Kylo Ren.]]
-->'''Bill:''' Joke's on you, Kylo, there's a sweet hot tub down here!
* During Chewie's RoaringRampageOfRevenge, Kevin's Riff isn't that far off from what probably would've gone down.
-->'''Kevin.''' Chewie's murder-boner lasted several hours.
* After [[spoiler: Han's death and Chewie is silently mourning his best friend.]]
-->'''Kevin (as Chewie):''' I've been using his Sam's Club membership. What the hell am I gonna do?
* When Han advises Finn and Rey to not stare at "any of it" when they enter Maz Kanata's cantina.
-->'''Bill:''' The door only open if you make a funny quip. Creator/JeffDunham can ''never'' enter that building.
* After TIE fighters blow up a quadjumper ship, forcing Rey, Finn and BB-8 to use the Millenium Falcon to make their escape...
-->'''Rey:''' The garbage will do!
-->'''Kevin:''' "The garbage will do", [[TakeThat Golden Corral's new slogan]].
* Kylo Ren throws another violent tantrum when Rey turns up missing. Some Stormtroopers approaching the room stop in their tracks and slowly back away, deciding they have a better place to be right now.
-->'''Kevin:''' Uh, red alert. Dark Lord Pissypants is at it again. Let's motor.
* When Kylo asks Han "to help him" as a way to lower his defenses so that he can [[spoiler: stab Han and kill him]]...
-->'''Kylo''': Will you help me?
-->'''Han''': [[FamousLastWords Yes, anything]].
-->'''Bill (as Kylo)''': Will you help me move some of my stuff to my girlfriend's place?
-->'''Kevin (as Han)''': Uh, no, sorry. I'm pretty busy.
* After [[spoiler: Kylo stabs Han]]...
-->'''Kylo Ren''': Thank you...
-->'''Kevin [[spoiler: (as Han)]]''': No problem, happy to help-- Hey wait, you just [[spoiler: stabbed me]]!
* When the Rathtars start rolling around the ship.
-->'''Kevin:''' Ah, the monsters have gone into ''Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog'' rolling mode now! Soon there will be pregnant fan art of them.
* The first shot of a cloaked Luke:
-->'''Mike:''' Aaaaaand, cloak falls away to reveal three dogs stacked on top each other and ''cue'' the Baha Men!
* Perhaps the crowning moment of the entire riff? It's at the end when Luke slowly turns to Rey.
-->'''Kevin (As [[spoiler: Jar Jar]]):''' [[spoiler: [[TheScrappy MEESA WAITED LINGY LONG TIME FOR YOUSA!!!]]]]\\
'''Bill and Mike:''' OH GOD! NO! GO TO HELL!
* Regarding the cliffhanger ending:
-->'''Mike:''' Okay and hold the shot, music swells… there. We just printed two billion dollars!\\
'''Kevin:''' Well, I know I'm gonna put my life on hold for the next few months to develop theories about that shiny, crappy Stormtrooper! How 'bout you guys?\\
'''Bill:''' Can't do it Kevin, gonna get in line for the [[Film/RogueOne next]] ''next'' [[Film/TheLastJedi movie]]!

[[AC:The Star Wars Holiday Special]]
* During the intro:
-->'''Announcer:''' Introducing Chewbacca's family!\\
'''Mike:''' [[NightmareFuel And many a scream-yourself-awake nightmare!]]
* When Malla contacts Luke Skywalker:
-->'''Luke:''' Oh, look, R2, it's Chewbacca's family.\\
'''Mike:''' What I meant to say is, "'''''RUN''''', it's Chewbacca's family!"
* During the scene where Lumpy watches a [[BuffySpeak holographic circus thing]] with obnoxious music in the background, every riff is a CrowningMomentOfFunny:
-->''(Mike, Bill and Kevin all scream in terror when the first acrobat appears.)''\\
'''Bill:''' Well, it was inevitable. [[BrainBleach Someday I knew the moment would come when I had to gouge my own eyes out.]] This is it!\\
'''Mike:''' No! Bill, stay your hand! There'll be plenty of ''other'' moments coming up. Be a shame to let ''those'' go to waste.\\
'''Bill:''' Good point.\\
(Mike laughs in amazement at the acrobats.)\\
'''Bill:''' ''(sarcastic)'' Wookies ''love'' this.\\
'''Kevin:''' Like his single leather boot there. ''(pause)'' This is the very same scene that is playing on a ''constant'' loop in Ryan Seacrest's brain. ''({{beat}})'' Explains the smile, y'know.\\
''(The lead acrobat vanishes and reappears life size next to Lumpy playing some Creator/DrSeuss-like trumpet.)''\\
'''Mike:''' Music/EltonJohn would give ''everything he owned'' if this were only a real device.\\
''(The acrobats swing into full steam on the table.)''\\
'''Bill:''' Even Rip Taylor thinks this goes way overboard on the camp.\\
'''Kevin:''' Oh, no, are we going to find out why they call him "Lumpy"?\\
'''Bill:''' [[SanitySlippage Music to go]] ''[[SanitySlippage mad]]'' [[SanitySlippage by!]]\\
'''Mike:''' ''(on the lead acrobat)'' I'd ''love'' to have been there the day this guy told the all other Keebler Elves what he ''really'' wanted to do with his life.\\
'''Bill:''' "No, seriously?!"... ''(a few seconds pass)'' Circe du Suck... oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill me, because I really don't think I could take another second of this, guys.\\
'''Kevin:''' If I watch any more of this, am I gonna get a letter in the mail informing me that I'm now legally gay?\\
'''Bill:''' ...''yes.''\\
'''Mike:''' You know, it might be a funny joke if you played this music if you knew someone was going to ask for your hand in marriage. "Rebecca, my dearest love, would you WEEDEE-wee-wow! WEEDEE-wee-wow! WEEDEE WEEDEE WEEDEE-wee-wow!"\\
'''Bill:''' [[CaptainObvious Kinda kill the moment.]] ''(a few seconds pass)'' I hate to say it, 'cause I know this is on the up-and-up, but... it all seems kinda weird.\\
'''Kevin:''' Ah! Ah, good, the bright fuschia fish acrobats are here! It wouldn't be a Life Day without 'em!\\
'''Bill:''' No sirree.\\
'''Mike:''' ''(exasperated by the lead acrobat)'' Look, would you and Bryce please move to Palm Springs, buy matching Speedos and get jobs in retail and just ''leave us alone?!''\\
'''Bill:''' ''(noticing Lumpy's avid grin)'' There's murder in his eyes! I like where this is headed!\\
'''Kevin (as the lead acrobat):''' And that was the introduction, folks! Now let's get on with the show!\\
'''Mike (as Malla):''' Would you turn off that stupid video game?!\\
'''Bill (as Lumpy):''' It's not a video game, Mom. It's a video game ''system''!
* During the first scene with Chewbacca's family, Bill gets the most obvious joke out of the way:
-->'''Bill:''' Well, terrifying thought, but I'm charging ahead with it anyway: If you're a [[UsefulNotes/FurryFandom furry]], and you're watching this right now; are you turned on?\\
'''Kevin:''' ''([[BrainBleach horrified]])'' Ohh! Can I be excused to have a good cry?\\
'''Mike:''' Stay ''right'' where you are, Murphy!
* While watching the...ahem, "cooking show":
-->'''Mike''': You know, sure, this makes me wanna drive a masonry chisel into my kneecap, but on the bright side, [[TakeThat at least it's not Rachael Ray]].
** And later:
--->'''Mike''': Uh, you sure this aired during the ''family'' hour? Far more stirring and whipping than the FCC likes to see before ten...
* On seeing Darth Vader for the first time:
-->'''Kevin:''' Hey, it's [[WebVideo/ChadVader Chad]]! [[ContinuityNod He said he'd never work with me again!]][[note]]Harkening back to their sniping during the ''Attack of the Clones'' review.[[/note]]
* When Stormtroopers show up at the Wookiees' home:
-->'''Mike (as Itchy):''' Don't worry, son, [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy they can't shoot straight, and they're easy to kill!]]
* Mike [[{{Mondegreen}} misinterprets the lyrics]] to Jefferson Starship's song:
-->'''Jefferson Starship:''' ''Will you light the sky on fire?''\\
'''Mike:''' Will I light this guy on fire? No, sir, I will not!
** Bill insisting that Mike light the sky and/or that guy on fire already, in order to shut the band up.
** Turns into a BrickJoke during the Wookiee gathering near the end.
--->'''Bill:''' This is it, Mike! They're finally ready to light this guy on fire!
* At the conclusion of the animated short:
-->'''Bill:''' Han! All the blood ran to your '''''chin'''''!

to:

--> '''Padme:''' Ani...I'm pregnant.-->'''Bumblebee''': You... Will always be... My friend... Sam...\\
'''Mike (as Padme):''' I'm pretty sure it's Watto's. '''Kevin:''' I can feel its wings moving around.
lied...\\
'''Bill:''' Actually I...\\
'''Mike:''' -Never-\\
'''Bill:''' -LIKED YOU-\\
'''Mike:''' -So-\\
'''Kevin:''' -Go TO-\\
'''Bill:''' -HELL!!!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Twilight Saga]]
[[AC:Twilight]]
* "I believe I have Right off the right to know if you are ''pants-crapping insane!"''
* The IAmVeryBritish persona
bat, they give Obi-Wan.
* Mike decides to take advantage of the Palpatine/Mace Windu fight
start arguing about vampire [[PerfectlyCromulentWord sparkliness]]:
-->'''Mike:''' Thank you,
and uses the time welcome once again to share a (surprisingly detailed) recipe for dip with his friends and the listeners. Made funnier ''Podcast/RiffTrax'', where I am joined by Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy.\\
'''Bill:''' Thank you, Mike. And may I say how happy I am that our movie, ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'', is finally telling the world something I've been saying for years: that vampires are sparkly! Ho-ho-ho, the world laughed at me and my quoteunquote "crazy ideas about vampire sparkliness", but maybe now that the truth is out, I'll get an apology! ''Kevin''.\\
'''Kevin:''' I-I-I never denied their ''sparkliness'', ''Bill'', we just happen to disagree ''very'', ''very'' strongly about whether that sparkliness is a full-body sparkliness, huh? Is it sparkly between their toes? Sparkly on the bottom of their feet? Are their ''inner thighs'' sparkly? [[SeriousBusiness These are important questions, and I don't think Twilight has settled them]].\\
'''Bill:''' Oh, you had to bring up the sparkly thigh thing, didn't you? When you know that it all hinges on the buttcheeks! Frankly, sir, your views on this are well outside the norm in the vampire sparkliness research community.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(gasps)'' How ''dare'' you, sir?!\\
'''Bill:''' I dare!\\
'''Kevin:''' My contributions to the vampire buttcheeks sparkliness research are ''renowned'', and I'll not have your slander, shame on you, sir!\\
'''Bill:''' No, shame on ''you''!\\
'''Kevin:''' No, shame on-!\\
'''Mike:''' Okay, o-okay, okay.
* Just before the opening credits:
-->'''Bella:''' And...this will be a good thing...\\
'''Mike:''' ...like Hot Topic!\\
'''Bella:''' ...I think.\\
'''Mike:''' But what do I know? [[MarySue I'm just your typically abnormally confident, world-weary 16-year-old female protagonist, teehee!]]
* "Yeah, that's the new girl; she'll fit ''[[SarcasmMode right in]]'' driving [[Series/SanfordAndSon Fred Sanford's truck]]!
* In the cafeteria:
-->'''Girl:''' ...[[ItMakesSenseInContext we're talking Olympic sized]]!\\
'''Mike''': High school girls discussing ''[[AccidentalInnuendo wang sizes]]''; [[DespairEventHorizon we've officially hit rock bottom, gentlemen]].\\
'''Kevin''': Shh, shh, shh! I'm
trying to listen to him and pay attention to hear about the film at the same time.
-->'''Bill:''' ...Uh, Samuel has the guy ''pinned down now,'' Mike.
wang sizes!
* "What do you think, penis-headed ghost of Hamlet's father?"
* "Sky-WANKER.
"'''''Llllllllllllllllllllllladies?'''''"
** "Lllllllladies." "Bill, those are guys." "Oh, well, dudes that look like llllllladies.
"
* The guys making fun of Yoda's speech pattern.
* When Anakin is complaining to Palpatine
-->'''Palpatine:''' It is upsetting to me to see that the Council doesn't seem to fully appreciate your talents.\\
'''Mike:''' WHAT TALENTS?!
* During the Order 66 Scene
-->'''Bill:''' Kevin, uh, execute Order 66 against Mike, can you?\\
'''Kevin (as a clone trooper):''' It will be done, my lord.\\
''(Blaster fire, Kevin laughs evilly. Mike groans in pain.)''\\
'''Bill:''' Ke-Kevin, what the hell?\\
'''Kevin:''' Uh wait, uh, 66 is to kill Mike without question wasn't it?\\
'''Bill:''' No, that's Order ''67''! I just e-mailed you about the change! 66 was to pick up some of that Hawaiian bread on the way over to Mike's [place], 'cause he's making a spinach dip.\\
'''Kevin:''' Now Mike's dead. Dang it. Good one, Kevin.\\
'''Mike:''' ''(grunts)'' No, it's -- it's okay; Kevin missed.\\
''(Bill and Kevin laugh and sigh in relief)''\\
'''Bill:''' Though it is good to know that you're prepared to kill Mike without question, Kevin. I-- I do appreciate that.\\
'''Kevin:''' Ah, yeah.\\
'''Mike:''' But, uh, you're still bringing Hawaiian bread, right?\\
'''Kevin:''' Mike, please, who's your BUDDY?\\
'''Mike:''' ''(laughing)'' You.\\
'''Kevin:''' That would be ME, Mike!\\
'''Bill:''' The guy who would kill you without--\\
'''Mike:''' -- kill me without question.
* When Obi-Wan's lightsaber lands in front of Commander Cody when he loses it while chasing Grievous:
-->'''Bill (as Commander Cody):''' What the-?! Hey! Who dropped their lipgloss?!
* ALL
"[[PunctuatedForEmphasis THIS! IS! Forks High School, home of the guys comments about poor old Ki Adi Mundi and his [[UnfortunateCharacterDesign weird-looking head]], which start off fairly high brow ("He's certainly sitting erect.") but eventually just devolve into this
-->'''Mike:''' ''(during
SPARTAns!]]"
* "The silver screen cannot contain
the scene where Mundi is leading an army on a snow covered planet)'' Santa Penis-Head defends the North Penis-Pole!
** And immidiately afterwards when the clones turn on him:
--->'''Kevin (as Mundi):''' Wha?! No, please! ''NOT'' IN THE JUNK!!! ...Well, since I'm nearly all junk, DO YOUR WORST!
** And then Mike's eulogy which finally causes Kevin
[[BlatantLies heated passion]] of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}!''
* "It's hard
to tire of the gag.
--->'''Mike''': Imagine the eulogy, "Ya know, Bob was so much fun to be around, he would rise to the occasion, he was never down, he was always ''tumescent'', he never just mope around the office all flacid like--\\
'''Kevin''' OKAY!
* From Mundi's scene, this joke about him looking like Santa:
-->'''Ki Adi Mundi:''' Come on!\\
'''Bill (as Mundi):''' We must end the elf rebellion!
* The ultimate CallBack as Anakin/Vader is about to kill one of the Nemodians (which is Nute Gunray's species).
-->'''Mike:''' "[[Film/PrinceOfSpace Macken!]]"
* A very obscure but hilarious reference found when Anakin and Obi-Wan are leaping over huge distances between small boulders in the lava flow:
-->'''Kevin:''' ''[[VideoGame/TheLegendOfKage Legend of Kage]]'' jump!
* Yoda and Anakin talking about his premonitions:
-->'''Anakin:''' They're of pain, suffering... Death.\\
'''Yoda:''' Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?\\
'''Mike (as Yoda):''' Someone small and green, for instance.
* As Anakin burns and Obi-Wan walks away:
-->'''Kevin:''' If he's feeling the slightest bit remorseful, I have [[UrineTrouble some advice on how he could put out that fire...]]
* As Palpatine finds the maimed and badly burned Anakin:
-->'''Bill (as Palpatine):''' Pardon me, grotesque triple amputee, but I'm looking for someone: Roughly your height, with legs of course, petulant attitude, wanted to rule the galaxy, probably won't find him on any beaches?
* One of the riffers making WesternAnimation/SpeedyGonzales noises as Yoda is fighting Palpatine.
* "Ribbit."

[[AC:Star Wars IV: A New Hope]]
* "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, [[Creator/GeorgeLucas a film maker]] said, 'I WILL create a character named Kit Fisto!'"
* "Genius, thwarting SelfDemonstrating/DarthVader by sending the plans
look badass posing next to a planet covered in ''sand''. He hates that stuff!
* "Door. Guys. Door! Guys! DOOR! GU-ah, crap.
Volvo."
-->'''Edward:''' No one will believe you!\\
'''Mike:''' ...quoting directly from [[AC:The Abusive Guy's Handbook]] there.
* "Good guys are dropping left and right, the Stormtroopers have no idea how [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SE0fknMFFXg&feature=related Kevin's version]] of Edward's song to react. Nothing like this has ever happened to them before!"
* The riff on the scene with Vader, Tarkin, and several Imperial Officers:
Bella.
-->'''Kevin:''' The Council of Lousy Haircuts!\\\
'''Kevin:''' Music/PhilCollins had been
This is a real jerk since he got ballad that toupee.\\\
'''Mike:''' When did we let an American in?\\\
'''Bill (as Tarkin):''' Can't we have
I wrote just ''one'' nice meal together?
* "My pants are plastic/My helmet's tight/My balls are swinging left to right!"
** "Chafe chafe chafe chafe chafe chafe chafe..."
* [[Series/DoctorWho "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"]]
* One of [[GallowsHumor the most callous and hilarious one-liners]] in the entire series riff:
-->'''C-3PO:''' I'm C-3P0, human cyborg relations. And this is my counterpart, R2-D2.
for you...\\
'''Luke:''' Hello.♪''I want to chomp into your throat''\\
''And watch you bleed out on the floor''\\
''Then I'll bathe myself in your life's essence as you die''\\
''Tear your heart out of your chest''\\
''And crack the bones and suck the marrow out''\\
''Slice into your brain for sandwiches''\\
''And maybe have an omelette made of...''♪\\
'''Mike:''' Okay, thank you Kevin, very nice.
\\
'''Kevin (as [=R2D2=]):''' '''Kevin:''' I stood next to your mother as she ''died''.
** Bill's reaction, a dark little chuckle and an understated "Utini" makes it the funniest thing to ever happen.
* Absolutely [[EnsembleDarkHorse EVERYTHING]] regarding the unfortunately named Porkins.
** "I blame Porkins!"
** "I think I see [[IncrediblyLamePun pieces of Porkins]] all over the Death Star."
** "This will henceforth be known as St. Porkins' Day!"
* "I think we better go, there could be dangerous people lurking. What? [[TooDumbToLive There are dangerous people lurking?]] [[WhatAnIdiot Hey, let's go check it out]]."
* The Tusken Raiders Scene
** When The Tusken pops out of nowhere to attack Luke:
--->'''Mike:''' Packers!! Whoo!
** After the Tusken Raider knocks out Luke:
--->'''Kevin:''' [[Film/BillyMadison O'DOYLE RULES!]]\\
have more!\\
'''Bill:''' Well, sure you do, oh what a shame! The sand people speak fluent Sea Lion. Unfortunately, song's over!
* "Line?" "Line?" "Line?" "Line?" [[RunningGag "Line?" "Line?" "Line?" "Line?"]] [[OverlyLongGag "Line?" "Line?" "Line?" "Line?"]]
* "It's ''fun'' being eternally damned!"
* When Edward reveals his nature to Bella for
the only thing you can say in Sea Lion is: "I desire more fish, please fling them to me."
* This scene:
-->'''Imperial Officer:''' We analyzed their attack, sir, and there is a danger. Shall I have your ship standing by?\\
'''Tarkin:''' ''Evacuate'', in our moment of our triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.
first time:
-->'''Edward:''' Say it...
\\
'''Bill (as Tarkin)''': [[TooDumbToLive In fact, drain the gas from my ship and lock the keys inside it!]] That's how strongly I feel.
* After some bickering between C-3PO and R2-D2:
-->'''Kevin:''' Remember, they've been sniping at each other like this since ''before Luke was born''.

[[AC:Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back]]
* These jokes involving Dack:
** "Right now, I feel like I can take on the whole Empire by myself."
--->'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Dack forgot to wear his RedShirt.
** When Dack dies:
--->'''Kevin:''' ''(mockingly)'' So his whole "Take on the Empire by yourself" thing was all just big talk, huh, that phony?!\\
'''Mike:''' Kevin, he's dead!\\
'''Kevin:''' He's Alright, you're a ''dead'' phony!
** When Luke's snowspeeder crashes:
--->'''Mike (as Dack):''' Oh, man. Oh, Luke, you okay? I was out cold there for a few minutes, I got this broken nose, blood everywhere, really embarrassing. Hey, my seatbelt's a little stuck, can you, uh, help me with it? Uh, Luke, where the hell are you going? This isn't funny, man. Don't take my wallet, you piker! When I get out of here I swear to God, I'm gonna-- D'OWWW!\\
'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Clever skit, Nelson. Your powers of humor are complete.
* On the probe droid on Hoth:
-->'''Kevin:''' Look out, it's a probe droid. [[AnalProbing Don't let it see your]] '''''[[AnalProbing ass]]'''''!
* When Chewie does a giggle-growl at Leia's jibe at Han.
-->'''Kevin (as Chewie):''' Pwned!\\
'''Han:''' Laugh it up, fuzzball.\\
'''Kevin (as Chewie):''' Don't mind if I do, skin tube!
* After Leia kisses Luke:
-->'''Kevin (as Leia):''' Now, if you'll excuse me, I am scheduled to make out with my dad.
* On one of the snowtroopers who gets shot (which bear some resemblance to the infamous KKK)...
-->'''Mike:''' A klansman!
* WebVideo/ChadVader presents the lyrics to the Imperial March theme as he learned them when growing up.
-->♪I am the friendly bunny named Fred. Come close to me and I'll feast on your head!♪
* "Hm. Tripping balls I am, right now!"
* "Lando?" [[RunningGag "Cerebro?" "Magneto!"]]
* "I'll be in the mystery cave on Dagobah, holding a lightsaber. First come, first serve. Must not be related. Bears preferred."
* "Down boy, quit humping my leg!"
* When we see that Darth Vader is at Cloud City:
-->'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Brunch, anyone?
* After Vader cuts off Luke's hand...
-->'''Darth Vader:''' There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you.\\
'''WebVideo/ChadVader (as Darth Vader):''' Don't make me lay the smackdown on that ass.
* When Luke finds out that Darth Vader is in fact, his father, Anakin Skywalker:
-->'''Luke:''' ''NOOOO''!!! NO!\\
'''WebVideo/ChadVader:''' Hey, that's my line. And it's not (Whiningly) "No, NO!", [[RevengeOfTheSith it's just]], [[BigNo NO!!!!!!!!!]]
* When Luke has visions of his friends suffering, Yoda tells him he is seeing the future.
-->'''Mike:''' They're attending the premiere of ''[[ThePhantomMenace Episode I]]''.
* When Vader orders Admiral Piett not to fail him:
-->'''Vader''' Dont fail me again, ''Admiral''.\\
'''Mike''' He failed, and Vader turned him into a [[CallForward Trap-fearing Squid head]]
* On Leia's sad expression after Han is frozen in Carbonite:
-->'''Mike (as Leia, in a disturbed tone)''': Now I love [[Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial Malla]]. I think I need help.
* When the Falcon can't jump into hyperspace, despite being fixed, due to Admiral Piett's stormtroopers turning it off off-screen...
-->'''Lando''': It's not my fault!
-->'''Mike''': "It's not my fault", the most frequently heard phrase after test screenings of ''Star Wars'' movies.

[[AC:Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi]]
* Pretty much anything relating to the Ewok/Stormtrooper battle:
** "Today's the day the teddy bears have their ''murder''!"
** "Remember: these are the Empire's ''best'' troops."
** "Film/TheHurtLocker as presented by the Build-a-Bear Workshop."
** "Gently tap them to death!"
** "My God, they're eating them. That's a little strong."
** "By dawn, the stench smoldering fun fur and melting black button eyes had blackened the sky..."
** When an Ewok was killed by an AT-ST during the DarkestHour (The riff makes an otherwise TearJerker scene into a funny moment.):
--->'''Bill (as dead Ewok)''': *groans weakly* Give my vest... to the Hair Bear Bunch. Tell Skinhorse I'll always love him. Have Funshine Bear deliver my eulogy and donate my body to... Toys For Tots...
** "It's like a scene from 'Film/HarryAndTheHendersons: Harry Goes to Iraq.'"
* This:
-->'''Imperial Officer:''' You rebel scum.\\
total homo!\\
'''Bill:''' You Imperial slut!
* ''[Watching the Rebels getting owned outside the Death Star during]''
-->'''Emperor Palpatine:''' The Alliance will die, as will your friends.\\
'''Mike:''' [[Literature/HarryPotter Ron, Hermione,]] [[LordOfTheRings Merry, Pippin,]] [[{{Transformers}} Bumblebee,]] all of them!
* "And they meet [[TheLordOfTheRings Porkins the White]]."
*
-->'''Admiral Ackbar:''' It's a trap!\\
'''Bill:''' This is no time to quote tired Internet memes, sir!
* When Leia is disguised as Boush and is handing Chewie to Jabba.
-->'''C-3PO:''' Fifty thousand, no less.\\
'''Mike (as Jabba):''' Well, do I look like I'm made of money?\\
'''Kevin (as a guy offscreen):''' No, you look like you're made of expired Crisco! \\
'''Mike (as Jabba):''' Who said that?!
* On the (in)famous Leia gold bikini:
-->'''Bill:''' And there we have it, the costume that makes Comic Con bearable.\\
'''Kevin:''' And in a few outlying cases, much, much worse.\\
'''Bill:''' [[CrossPlaying You saw that guy too, huh?]]
* On Endor, as a scout trooper walks away from his comrade...
-->'''Bill (as the scout trooper):''' I'm gonna practice [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy shooting and missing at some trees]]. See you later.
* When Jabba says in Huttese that he will enjoy seeing Luke die, we get this response from Kevin:
-->'''Kevin (as Jabba):''' ...in ''[[VideoGame/ZeldaIITheAdventureOfLink Zelda II]]''. It's surprisingly difficult for such an old game.
** After the above moment, when Luke falls down into the Rancor pit:
--->'''Bill (as Luke):''' "WHY DIDN'T I BRING MY LIGHTSABER?!"
* When the portcullis opens and the Rancor appears:
-->'''Bill''': And from behind that door emerges RIP TAYLOR!\\
'''Kevin''': Aaah!
* At the end, when the Force Ghosts appear and HaydenChristensen is among them:
-->'''Kevin (as Luke):''' Oh, hey fellas. Now who the hell is smirking little douchebag?
* [[AndThisIsFor "This is for Itchy!"]]
* As Luke and Obi-Wan talk:
-->'''Obi-Wan:''' Your father...\\
'''Bill:''' Was a tool with a little ponytail.
* When Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sideous) starts torturing Luke with Force Lightning.
-->'''Darth Sideous''': If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed.\\
''(The emperor shoots Force Lightning at Luke)''\\
'''Bill''':
That's funny; that's Apple's new advertising slogan, too.
* "It's the Retcon Battalion!"
-->'''Pilot''': There's too many of them!\\
'''Kevin''': It's as if [[Creator/GeorgeLucas someone]] added extra ships after the fact.
* "Yes, Episode VI, aka the one you thought was worst Star Wars episode until you got proved ''severely'' wrong [[Film/ThePhantomMenace sixteen years later]]... and again [[Film/AttackOfTheClones nineteen years later]]... and again [[Film/RevengeOfTheSith twenty-two years later]]... and again [[WesternAnimation/StarWarsTheCloneWars twenty-five years later]]."
* After Emperor Palpatine stands up in a long shot to greet Luke:
-->'''Kevin''': [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Brain Guy?]]\\
'''Bill''': Who?
* While Luke is being electrocuted by Palpatine...
-->'''Bill (as Vader)''': Sure, I'll help you, Son. I'll just use my ''two'' hands--oh, wait!

[[AC:Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens]]
* The gang opens the podcast with Kevin and Bill excited and ready for more ''Star Wars'' - which they believe is made of entirely senate hearings, joint committees, etc. Mike has to inform them that they "focus group'd it or something", and actually made a good movie entirely without those things.
* As the stormtroopers deploy during their attack on the Jakku village...
-->'''Bill''': Gentlemen, fire, ''[[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy and miss an astounding percentage of your shots]]'', at will.
* When Kylo Ren takes a look at Finn, Mike claims Kylo knows that Finn is internally mocking his helmet.
-->'''Mike (as Kylo Ren):''' I can read minds, you know. Who's thinking my mask looks like an art deco baby elephant head?
* During the village attack scene, as Kylo Ren's shuttle lands to drop him off.
-->'''Kevin (as Kylo Ren):''' Don't land on the squirrel(s).\\
'''Mike (as Stormtrooper):''' Sir, you told us to slaughter everyone in sight.\\
'''Kevin (as Kylo Ren):''' Except squirrels, I said! I like squirrels!
** And it all comes down to this moment:
--->'''Phasma:''' Sir, the villagers?\\
'''Kylo Ren:''' ...{{Kill them all}}.\\
'''Bill (as Kylo Ren):''' [[BrickJoke ...Except the squirrels]]. God help you if you harm one of those precious creatures!
* The RunningGag of mocking Rey for apparently parking her vehicles ''far'' from her actual destination.
* After Poe names Finn:
-->'''Mike:''' Be see you at conventions for the next 40 years!
* On [[Creator/GwendolineChristie Captain Phasma]]:
-->'''Kevin''': Would you take off your helmet?!
* When Admiral Ackbar makes his first appearance in the film, the guys beg him to recite his [[MemeticMutation famous line]]. Ackbar states he only does it at conventions!
* Han and Chewie's return, before Han says, "Chewie, we're home.":
-->'''Bill (as Han):''' Let's grab my [[MoneyDearBoy paycheck]] and get outta here!
* On Supreme Leader Snoke:
-->'''Bill:''' I wonder
not what made the Lincoln Memorial turn to the Dark Side.
* Rey earning one quarter portion from Unkarr Plutt:
-->'''Kevin:''' That's like a quarter pounder, but with much less plastic.
* When Rey is returning home at sunset:
-->'''Bill:''' Just ''one'' lousy sun?! What kind of crap desert planet is this?
* Han asserting to Chewie that he talks his way out of things every time. The guys ponder what Chewie really said.
-->'''Kevin:''' What does he do every time?\\
'''Bill:''' Well from the looks of it, cut his own hair.
* Han and Leia's conversation about [[spoiler: Kylo Ren]].
-->'''Leia:''' You're his father.\\
'''Kevin (as Han):''' Wait, you told me it was Greedo's kid!\\
'''Mike (as Leia):''' No, ''[[GettingCrapPastTheRadar you]]'' [[DoubleEntendre shot first.]]
* Regarding General Hux:
-->'''Mike:''' When Weasley's turn bad.[[note]]Domnhall Gleeson played Bill Weasley in the final ''Film/HarryPotter''[[/note]]
** During Hux's Hitler-esqe speech, they accuse the movie for ripping off ''Film/StarshipTroopers[='=]'' satire and symbolism on fascism.
** And this gem:
--->'''Hux''': Today is the end of the Republic!\\
'''Kevin (as Hux)''': BEHOLD, Starkiller's first Costco!
** As the camera zooms in on him yelling "...AS THE LAST DAY...OF THE REPUBLIC!!!", the riffers actually are chuckling from his somewhat-narmness, and as the stormtroopers do the fist equivalent of the Nazi salute...
--->'''Bill (as a stormtrooper)''': We're not Nazis!
* As Starkiller's beam is fired with all the First Order guys watching...
-->'''Kevin (As Starkiller technician)''': Gah, jeez. Aww jeez! Uh, quick everyone, [[Film/IndianaJonesAndTheKingdomOfTheCrystalSkull find a fridge and get in]]! Oh boy!"
* As Finn approaches Nima Outpost:
-->'''Kevin:''' Then at last, he comes across an oasis… [[Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial run]] by Creator/BeaArthur and Harvey Korman is there, pouring a drink into his head. So he lies down and quietly dies.
* When [[spoiler: Starkiller Base]] is destroyed.
-->'''Mike:''' Welp, bad guys, fourth time's the charm! Let's get building!
* The guys embrace Kylo Ren's MemeticLoser status among the fandom. Several jokes are made about him not having talent or powers when said otherwise (much like Hayden Christiansen in the prequels) or how Snoke did a crappy job training him.
* When Rey chases down Finn almost the moment they meet.
-->'''Mike:''' Yep, that happened to me everytime
I asked a woman out. Came barreling at me with a stick.\\
''(Kevin and Bill laugh)''\\
''(Rey beats Finn to the ground)''\\
'''Mike:''' And if they ''did'' go out with me, ''that's'' always how the date usually ended.
* [[spoiler: When Han Solo falls to his doom after being slain by his son Kylo Ren.]]
-->'''Bill:''' Joke's on you, Kylo, there's a sweet hot tub down here!
* During Chewie's RoaringRampageOfRevenge, Kevin's Riff isn't that far off from what probably would've gone down.
-->'''Kevin.''' Chewie's murder-boner lasted several hours.
* After [[spoiler: Han's death and Chewie is silently mourning his best friend.]]
-->'''Kevin (as Chewie):''' I've been using his Sam's Club membership. What the hell am I gonna do?
* When Han advises Finn and Rey to not stare at "any of it" when they enter Maz Kanata's cantina.
-->'''Bill:''' The door only open if you make a funny quip. Creator/JeffDunham can ''never'' enter that building.
* After TIE fighters blow up a quadjumper ship, forcing Rey, Finn and BB-8 to use the Millenium Falcon to make their escape...
-->'''Rey:''' The garbage will do!
-->'''Kevin:''' "The garbage will do", [[TakeThat Golden Corral's new slogan]].
* Kylo Ren throws another violent tantrum when Rey turns up missing. Some Stormtroopers approaching the room stop in their tracks and slowly back away, deciding they have a better place to be right now.
-->'''Kevin:''' Uh, red alert. Dark Lord Pissypants is at it again. Let's motor.
* When Kylo asks Han "to help him" as a way to lower his defenses so that he can [[spoiler: stab Han and kill him]]...
-->'''Kylo''': Will you help me?
-->'''Han''': [[FamousLastWords Yes, anything]].
-->'''Bill (as Kylo)''': Will you help me move some of my stuff to my girlfriend's place?
-->'''Kevin (as Han)''': Uh, no, sorry. I'm pretty busy.
* After [[spoiler: Kylo stabs Han]]...
-->'''Kylo Ren''': Thank you...
-->'''Kevin [[spoiler: (as Han)]]''': No problem, happy to help-- Hey wait, you just [[spoiler: stabbed me]]!
* When the Rathtars start rolling around the ship.
-->'''Kevin:''' Ah, the monsters have gone into ''Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog'' rolling mode now! Soon there will be pregnant fan art of them.
* The first shot of a cloaked Luke:
-->'''Mike:''' Aaaaaand, cloak falls away to reveal three dogs stacked on top each other and ''cue'' the Baha Men!
* Perhaps the crowning moment of the entire riff? It's at the end when Luke slowly turns to Rey.
-->'''Kevin (As [[spoiler: Jar Jar]]):''' [[spoiler: [[TheScrappy MEESA WAITED LINGY LONG TIME FOR YOUSA!!!]]]]\\
'''Bill and Mike:''' OH GOD! NO! GO TO HELL!
* Regarding the cliffhanger ending:
-->'''Mike:''' Okay and hold the shot, music swells… there. We just printed two billion dollars!\\
'''Kevin:''' Well, I know I'm gonna put my life on hold for the next few months to develop theories about that shiny, crappy Stormtrooper! How 'bout you guys?\\
'''Bill:''' Can't do it Kevin, gonna get in line for the [[Film/RogueOne next]] ''next'' [[Film/TheLastJedi movie]]!

[[AC:The Star Wars Holiday Special]]
* During the intro:
-->'''Announcer:''' Introducing Chewbacca's family!\\
'''Mike:''' [[NightmareFuel And many a scream-yourself-awake nightmare!]]
* When Malla contacts Luke Skywalker:
-->'''Luke:''' Oh, look, R2, it's Chewbacca's family.\\
'''Mike:''' What I meant to say is, "'''''RUN''''', it's Chewbacca's family!"
* During the scene where Lumpy watches a [[BuffySpeak holographic circus thing]] with obnoxious music in the background, every riff is a CrowningMomentOfFunny:
-->''(Mike, Bill and Kevin all scream in terror when the first acrobat appears.)''\\
'''Bill:''' Well, it was inevitable. [[BrainBleach Someday I knew the moment would come when I had to gouge my own eyes out.]] This is it!\\
'''Mike:''' No! Bill, stay your hand! There'll be plenty of ''other'' moments coming up. Be a shame to let ''those'' go to waste.\\
'''Bill:''' Good point.\\
(Mike laughs in amazement at the acrobats.)\\
'''Bill:''' ''(sarcastic)'' Wookies ''love'' this.\\
'''Kevin:''' Like his single leather boot there. ''(pause)'' This is the very same scene that is playing on a ''constant'' loop in Ryan Seacrest's brain. ''({{beat}})'' Explains the smile, y'know.\\
''(The lead acrobat vanishes and reappears life size next to Lumpy playing some Creator/DrSeuss-like trumpet.)''\\
'''Mike:''' Music/EltonJohn would give ''everything he owned'' if this were only a real device.\\
''(The acrobats swing into full steam on the table.)''\\
'''Bill:''' Even Rip Taylor thinks this goes way overboard on the camp.\\
'''Kevin:''' Oh, no, are we going to find out why they call him "Lumpy"?\\
'''Bill:''' [[SanitySlippage Music to go]] ''[[SanitySlippage mad]]'' [[SanitySlippage by!]]\\
'''Mike:''' ''(on the lead acrobat)'' I'd ''love'' to have been there the day this guy told the all other Keebler Elves what he ''really'' wanted to do with his life.\\
'''Bill:''' "No, seriously?!"... ''(a few seconds pass)'' Circe du Suck... oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill me, because I really don't think I could take another second of this, guys.\\
'''Kevin:''' If I watch any more of this, am I gonna get a letter in the mail informing me that I'm now legally gay?\\
'''Bill:''' ...''yes.
meant!\\
'''Edward:''' ''Out loud...
''\\
'''Mike:''' You know, it might be Okay, you're a funny joke if you played this music if you knew someone was going to ask for your hand in marriage. "Rebecca, my dearest love, would you WEEDEE-wee-wow! WEEDEE-wee-wow! WEEDEE WEEDEE WEEDEE-wee-wow!"\\
'''Bill:''' [[CaptainObvious Kinda kill the moment.]] ''(a few seconds pass)'' I hate to say it, 'cause I know this is on the up-and-up, but... it all seems kinda weird.
thorough-going douche...\\
'''Kevin:''' Ah! Ah, good, the bright fuschia fish acrobats are here! It wouldn't be a Life Day without 'em!\\
'''Bill:''' No sirree.No! You're not doing it right!\\
'''Mike:''' A tool?\\
'''Bill:''' NO!\\
'''Bella:''' Vampire...
\\
'''Mike:''' ''(exasperated by the lead acrobat)'' Look, would you and Bryce please move to Palm Springs, buy matching Speedos and get jobs in retail and just ''leave us alone?!''\\
'''Bill:''' ''(noticing Lumpy's avid grin)'' There's murder in his eyes! I like where this is headed!\\
'''Kevin (as the lead acrobat):''' And that was the introduction, folks! Now let's get on with the show!\\
'''Mike (as Malla):''' Would you turn off that stupid video game?!\\
'''Bill (as Lumpy):''' It's not a video game, Mom. It's a video game ''system''!
* During the first scene with Chewbacca's family, Bill gets the most obvious joke out of the way:
-->'''Bill:''' Well, terrifying thought, but I'm charging ahead with it anyway: If you're a [[UsefulNotes/FurryFandom furry]], and you're watching this right now; are you turned on?\\
'''Kevin:''' ''([[BrainBleach horrified]])'' Ohh! Can Close; I'm a ''metro''pire!\\
'''Edward:''' Are you afraid?\\
'''Mike''': Seriously...[[DullSurprise
I be excused don't know what emotion you're going for, because you always just look nauseous]]...
* Bella is visiting the Cullens.
-->'''Mike:''' You like [[Franchise/{{LEGO}} Legos]]? Cause I got tons of Legos ''(sic)'', I got Lego Franchise/StarWars, and [[Toys/LEGOPowerMiners Power Miners]], I got like a bajillion [[Toys/{{BIONICLE}} Beeonicles]] ''(sic)'' too...
* "Vampires keep themselves [[WireFu harnessed
to have the ceilings at all times]] in case a good cry?\\
production of ''Theatre/PeterPan'' breaks out."
** "[[BrickJoke Is there a production of]] ''Theatre/PeterPan''? Because ''we're'' ready!"
* "She was coached by Shia [=LeBeouf=] for this scene."
* The scene where Edward sneaks into Bella's bedroom: "What was our math homework?"
* Cafeteria scene:
-->'''Bella:''' You know, your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash.\\
'''Mike:''' Stay ''right'' where And that apple you are, Murphy!
* While watching the...ahem, "cooking show":
-->'''Mike''': You know, sure, this makes
bounced off your foot is giving me wanna drive a masonry chisel into my kneecap, but on hookworm.
* After Edward has saved Bella and kisses her in
the bright side, [[TakeThat at least it's not Rachael Ray]].
**
hospital:
--> '''Mike:''' Aw, I-I'm weakening, guys. I mean suddenly feel very invested in their love. It's-It's my love, too. Them succeeding despite all odds means I succeed despite all odds. ''(Cut to a shot over a forest)'' Look, beautiful trees, as-as beautiful as the love between Edward and Bella and me and their beauty and... '''*THUNK*''' Ow! ''You hit me with a phone book!''\\
'''Kevin:''' Yep.
*
And later:
--->'''Mike''': Uh, you sure this aired during the ''family'' hour? Far more stirring and whipping than the FCC likes to see
just before ten...
* On seeing Darth Vader for
the first time:
end:
-->'''Kevin:''' Hey, Oh-oh, it's [[WebVideo/ChadVader Chad]]! [[ContinuityNod He said he'd never work with me again!]][[note]]Harkening back to their sniping during the ''Attack of the Clones'' review.[[/note]]
* When Stormtroopers show up at the Wookiees' home:
-->'''Mike (as Itchy):''' Don't worry, son, [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy they can't shoot straight,
''Twilight'' author Creator/StephenieMeyer and they're easy to kill!]]
* Mike [[{{Mondegreen}} misinterprets the lyrics]] to Jefferson Starship's song:
-->'''Jefferson Starship:''' ''Will you light the sky on fire?''\\
she does ''not'' look happy.\\
'''Mike:''' Will ''Oh my god!'' She's got a sniper rifle!
* When Bella and Edward are practicing dancing:
-->'''Mike:''' You mind if
I light this guy on fire? No, sir, I will not!
** Bill insisting that Mike light the sky and/or that guy on fire already, in order to shut the band up.
** Turns into a BrickJoke during the Wookiee gathering near the end.
--->'''Bill:''' This is it, Mike! They're finally ready to light this guy on fire!
* At the conclusion
slit my wrists right now, get ahead of the animated short:
-->'''Bill:''' Han! All
curve?\\
'''Bill:''' Oh, any old time, Mike.\\
'''Kevin:''' I'm surprised you haven't done it by ''now''!
* Mike, Bill, and Kevin worrying about the taxidermy animal in science room. (I'd say ItMakesSenseInContext, but...it doesn't.)
* "Typical night at Creator/JackNicholson's house, circa 1975."
* During the...well, rapidly changing scene:
-->'''Kevin:''' I'm having [[ThisIsYourPremiseOnDrugs another acid flashback]], right?\\
'''Mike:''' No, that's the movie.\\
'''Kevin:''' So...you guys ''also'' see Jim Nabors riding a killer whale in space?\\
'''Mike:''' No...\\
'''Bill:''' Wish I did, though; that sounds great!
* Early scene mentioning the investigation into mysterious deaths.
-->'''Sheriff:''' Well, another hiker got attacked by something in the woods.\\
'''Mike (as Sheriff):''' ...We think it was a bear because it sucked all
the blood ran out of the corpse.
* Bill singing [[Series/TheBennyHillShow "Yakkity Sax"]] while Edward runs up the hill with Bella at superspeed.
* One scene with some odd camera angles prompts the riffers
to your '''''chin'''''!claim first that the camera man is being chased by a badger, then that he passed out due to blood loss from the badger attack, and then that the badger has taken control of the camera.

[[AC:Twilight: New Moon]]
* As the movie opens...
-->'''Mike:''' And we're ba--\\
'''Bill:''' TEAM JACOB!\\
'''Mike:''' ''(disgruntled)'' COULD you please...?!
* Bill's epic ClusterBleepBomb in the opening sequence.
-->'''Mike:''' What the hell? That's not a NEW moon, I've seen that dozens of times before! Jeez, son of a *bleep* BITCH, what the *bleep* kind of piece of *bleep* Teen Vampire bull*bleep* is this!??!
* Bella has a gift for Jacob:
-->'''Bella:''' It's a little crazy...\\
'''Bill (as Bella):''' It's a statue of General Custer!



-->'''Kevin:''' So after this aired, the deep shame and mockery from the ordeal forced Creator/GeorgeLucas underground and his creation ''Franchise/StarWars'' was never heard from again, right?\\
'''Mike:''' Uh, actually, it went on to shatter records for money made and it has more devotees than many major religions.\\
'''Bill:''' Ooh, Mike, that inconsistency caused a logical [[OurWormholesAreDifferent wormhole]] that broke Kevin's mic!
* During one commercial bumper:
-->'''Announcer:''' The Star Wars Holiday Special will continue in a moment!\\
'''Bill:''' Despite the growing number of protesters outside our office!
* This little addition to Princess Leia's song:
-->'''Leia:''' ♪''That one day we'll be free...''♪\\
'''Mike (as Leia):''' To [[TheEmpireStrikesBack mouth-kiss]] [[BrotherSisterIncest our siblings]] with impunity!
* During Leia's song:
-->'''C-3PO:''' R2, MyEyesAreUpHere!
* During the obligatory commercial for Star Wars toys:
-->'''C-3PO:''' ''Star Wars'' - you and your children loved it!\\
'''Bill:''' Then tonight happened.
* When Ackmina is trying to get her customers to leave.
-->'''Ackmina:''' Aren't you listening to what I'm saying? The Empire has SHUT US DOWN! The party's OVER now!\\
'''Bill:''' Party's over! '''[[Series/TheGoldenGirls THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND!]]'''
* During the cantina scene:
-->'''Ackmena''': ''(to a Rodian)'' Now please leave!\\
'''Kevin''': Before you get Greedo'd!
* During a CBS newsbreak:
-->'''Bill:''' This just in: Christmas has been cancelled due to sadness caused by The Star Wars Holiday Special.
** The newscaster scribbles something down:
--->'''Bill:''' "What's a five-letter word for 'Inept sci-fi director?'"
* Mike: "[[AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs All your base are belong to Lumpy.]]"
* After Mala first expresses concern for her husband's safety:
-->'''Bill (as Itchy):''' There, there. If he's dead, we can still celebrate Life Day. We'll just call it ''Death'' Day! And instead of eating turkey and opening presents, we can bury his body before it rots.
* The guys' reactions to the family's [[HellIsThatNoise roars and groans]].
-->'''Lumpy''': RIVRIVRAVRAVRIVRIVRAVRAV\\
'''Bill''': Dear God, the kid's part-garbage disposal.\\
'''Kevin''': In other words, a lot like the German language. Only a little prettier.
** When Lumpy is at it again later, the guys are heard audibly losing it.
* When Han tricks a Stormtrooper into a RailingKill.
-->'''Bill:''' This moment brought to you by the WilhelmScream.
* During Diahann Carroll's number:
-->'''Kevin:''' Hey, they stole the ''Series/FamilyAffair'' background! Wait until Mr. French finds out about this!\\
'''Mike:''' They'll find out why they call him "Mr. French".\\
''(long {{beat}})''\\
'''Bill:''' ''(giggling)'' I don't know what that means!
** During the same number, Mike lists Diahann Carroll's numerous accolades, finishing with:
--->'''Mike:''' "Now she's ''servicing'' a wookie; this is just sad!"
* Later during the song:
-->'''Mike:''' I have to remember this for the next time I'm celebrating Sucking The Life ''Out'' Of Me Day.
* During Chewbacca's {{Flashback}} MontageOut:
-->'''Mike:''' Ladies and gentlemen, Chewbacca's lifeless stare!\\
''(Kevin cracks up.)''\\
'''Kevin:''' Oh, hey, he's flashing back to that [[Film/ANewHope fun little sci-fi movie]] whose legacy they've just irrevocably ''tainted''.\\
'''Mike:''' Well, if this takes up time that would have otherwise gone to another Harvey Korman bit, I'm all for it.\\
'''Kevin:''' Uh, so why are all of Chewbacca's memories from the perspective of someone ''observing'' Chewbacca?\\
'''Mike:''' Why do none of his memories involve his ''family'' in any way?\\
'''Bill:''' I'm not following. How can you tell this is his memories?\\
'''Mike:''' Well, there's a blue memory mist covering 2/3 of the screen.\\
'''Bill:''' Huh. Hadn't noticed. [[DeadpanSnarker It's a subtle effect.]]\\
''(Chewbacca's memories somehow recall the duel between Darth Vader and Obi-Wan.)''\\
'''Kevin:''' Sitting at home, feeling smug, Sir Alec Guinness suddenly {{Spit Take}}s his martini!
* When the first commercial appears.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(on seeing Willie Rawles, GM employee)'' ...Wuh-wait? Is that Darth out of uniform?
* The Fruit of the Loom commercial:
-->'''Mike (as lady):''' Ah, it's the Fruit of the Loom! There's an apple, and grapes, and... what the hell is that, ''tobacco''?!
** The old lady plucking the grape:
--->'''Bill:''' Ahh! That wasn't a grape, lady!

to:

-->'''Kevin:''' So after this aired, the deep shame and mockery from the ordeal forced Creator/GeorgeLucas underground and his creation ''Franchise/StarWars'' was never heard from again, right?\\
'''Mike:''' Uh, actually, it went on to shatter records for money made and it has more devotees than many major religions.
-->'''Alice:''' It's just a little...blood.\\
'''Bill:''' Ooh, Mike, that inconsistency caused a logical [[OurWormholesAreDifferent wormhole]] that broke Kevin's mic!
* During one commercial bumper:
-->'''Announcer:''' The Star Wars Holiday Special will continue in a moment!\\
'''Bill:''' Despite the growing number of protesters outside our office!
* This little addition to Princess Leia's song:
-->'''Leia:''' ♪''That one day we'll be free...''♪\\
'''Mike (as Leia):''' To [[TheEmpireStrikesBack mouth-kiss]] [[BrotherSisterIncest our siblings]] with impunity!
Bella):''' Well it ''was'' a "little blood" until Edward flayed open my brachial artery.
* During Leia's song:
-->'''C-3PO:''' R2, MyEyesAreUpHere!
(To Bella) BOOOO! YOU SUCK! BOOOO!
* During the obligatory commercial for Star Wars toys:
-->'''C-3PO:''' ''Star Wars'' - you and your children loved it!\\
'''Bill:''' Then tonight happened.
* When Ackmina
scene where Edward is trying walking through Italy to get her customers to leave.
-->'''Ackmina:''' Aren't you listening to what I'm saying? The Empire has SHUT US DOWN! The party's OVER now!\\
'''Bill:''' Party's over! '''[[Series/TheGoldenGirls THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND!]]'''
* During
go ask the cantina scene:
-->'''Ackmena''': ''(to
Volturi to kill him:
--> [[Music/TheBeeGees "Ha, ha, ha, not stayin' alive, not stayin alive! Ha, ha, ha,]] [[NoIndoorVoice not stayin' ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!]]
* As Bella is being led away from the Volturi, passing by
a Rodian)'' Now please leave!\\
'''Kevin''': Before you get Greedo'd!
* During a CBS newsbreak:
group of tourists being led into their chamber. Screams are heard...
-->'''Bill:''' This just in: Christmas has Italian Police issued a statement today once again reiterating that, ''for the love of God'', tour groups should stop going into that Castle where all the other tour groups have been cancelled due to sadness caused by The Star Wars Holiday Special.
** The newscaster scribbles something down:
--->'''Bill:''' "What's a five-letter word for 'Inept sci-fi director?'"
mysteriously murdered.
* Mike: "[[AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs All your base are belong to Lumpy.]]"
* After Mala first expresses concern for her husband's safety:
-->'''Bill (as Itchy):''' There, there. If he's dead, we can still celebrate Life Day. We'll just call it ''Death'' Day! And instead
Pretty much the entirety of eating turkey the treatment the Volturi in terms of [[Film/TheRockyHorrorPictureShow Frank n Furter]] esque moaning, mockery of their effeminate portrayal, and opening presents, we can bury his body before it rots.
* The guys'
in particular their reactions to Michael Sheen whenever they are on screen. In particular this little line as Edward is about to ask them to kill him
-->'''Bill:''' [[OmniscientCouncilOfVagueness The High Council of GAYness]] will see you now!\\
'''Mike and Kevin:''' ''(effeminate groaning and moaning)''
* Early on...
-->'''Edward:''' ''(To Bella)'' This will be
the family's [[HellIsThatNoise roars and groans]].
-->'''Lumpy''': RIVRIVRAVRAVRIVRIVRAVRAV\\
'''Bill''': Dear God, the kid's part-garbage disposal.
last time you ever see me.\\
'''Kevin''': In other words, a lot like the German language. Only a little prettier.
** When Lumpy is at it again later, the guys are heard audibly losing it.
'''Mike, Bill, and Kevin:''' ''(Triumphant cheering)'' Hooray! Yay!
* When Han tricks a Stormtrooper into a RailingKill.
-->'''Bill:''' This moment brought to you by the WilhelmScream.
* During Diahann Carroll's number:
Jacob first [[ShirtlessScene removes his shirt]]:
-->'''Kevin:''' Hey, they stole the ''Series/FamilyAffair'' background! Wait until Mr. French finds out about this!\\
'''Mike:''' They'll find out why they call him "Mr. French".
Aaaaaannnd...\\
''(long {{beat}})''\\
'''All three:''' Heeyo! Hey-hey-hey-babe! Aroooogah, aroogah! Hohoho!\\
'''Mike:''' Mom, I didn't know you wanted to see New Moon!\\
'''Bill:''' ''(giggling)'' I don't know what that means!
** During the same number, Mike lists Diahann Carroll's numerous accolades, finishing with:
--->'''Mike:''' "Now she's ''servicing'' a wookie; this is just sad!"
* Later during the song:
-->'''Mike:''' I have to remember this for the next time
''(effeminate voice)'' Quiet, dear, I'm celebrating Sucking trying to watch. Th-the story! The Life ''Out'' Of Me Day.
* During Chewbacca's {{Flashback}} MontageOut:
-->'''Mike:''' Ladies and gentlemen, Chewbacca's lifeless stare!\\
''(Kevin cracks up.)''\\
'''Kevin:''' Oh, hey, he's flashing back to
story.
** Subversely, upon Edward doffing his shirt:
---> '''Mike:''' And theaters full of shrieking teenagers learn the hard way
that [[Film/ANewHope fun little sci-fi movie]] whose legacy they've just irrevocably ''tainted''.some things are better left to the imagination.
* The end, after a whole movie's worth of sending out mixed messages and crushing hearts:
-->'''Bella:''' ''(to Jacob)'' I do love you.
\\
'''Mike:''' '''Bill:''' ''(incredulous)'' Sh-she ''does!?''\\
'''Mike''': ''(through laughter)'' She's not a stable girl.
* Used as a RunningGag, they keep trying to catch Bella actually making it through a sentence without a Shatnerian pause. Sometimes she actually manages what would count as a whole sentence only to continue the sentence after a long pause.
* Cliff-diving:
--> I regret not buying more shiiiiiiiiirts!\\
I regret not buying Bob more shiiiiiiiiiiiirts!\\
I regret being named Embryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!\\
Donate my torso to Abercrombie and Fiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!
* And when Bella goes cliff-diving:
--> Drowning: the only way she could get more pale and sad.
* During the beach scene, when Jacob is trying to revive Bella
--> '''Bill:''' So, you're really suggesting ''another'' film is anywhere near as iconic and love-filled as this one?\\
'''Kevin:'''
Well, if this takes up time that would have otherwise gone to another Harvey Korman bit, I'm all for it.''yeah,'' I mean--\\
'''Bill:''' WELL YOU AND ALL YOUR PETS SHOULD DIE!!!

[[AC:Twilight: Eclipse]]
-->'''Jacob:''' She broke her hand...punching my face.
\\
'''Kevin:''' Uh, so why are all of Chewbacca's memories from '''Kevin (As Charlie):''' Ugh, you guys went to see [[BrickJoke "Face Punch"]] again, didn't you?
* "Make as many mistakes as you can",
the perspective of someone ''observing'' Chewbacca?\\
advice that inspired Creator/MNightShyamalan.
* Jasper flashbacking
-->'''Bella:''' How do you know so much about this?\\
'''Mike:''' Why do none of his memories involve his ''family'' in any way?\\
'''Bill:''' I'm not following. How can you tell this is his memories?\\
'''Mike:''' Well, there's a blue memory mist covering 2/3 of
Read the screen.Twilight books, they blew.\\
'''Jasper:''' I didn't have quite the same upbringing as my adopted siblings.\\
'''Bill:''' Huh. Hadn't noticed. [[DeadpanSnarker It's [[Creator/SteveMartin I was born a subtle effect.]]\\
''(Chewbacca's memories somehow recall the duel
poor black child]].
* Following an awkward conversation
between Darth Vader Bella and Obi-Wan.)''\\
Charlie.
-->'''Kevin (as Charlie):''' ...''(takes a swig from his beer)'' Work your dark magic, booze.
* Continuing the RunningGag from previous films, the guys continual irritation by Bella's inability to finish a...sentence, without pausing.
** Plus their horror at Charlie throwing in a random pause. "It's an epidemic!"
* ''[During Charlie's embarrassing marriage/sex talk with Bella]''
-->'''Bella:''' Oh my God, Dad! I'm a virgin.\\
'''Charlie:''' Daaah-d-d-duh, okay!\\
'''Kevin:''' Sitting at home, feeling smug, Sir Alec Guinness suddenly {{Spit Take}}s his martini!
''(laughs)'' Dad had a [[Series/{{Friends}} Chandler]] attack.\\
'''Bill:''' Could my daughter ''be'' anymore of a virgin?!
* When The other Running Gag of "Line?", especially when Bella is freezing in the first commercial appears.
mountains: "L-l-line?"
* [[RunningGag "Theeere's a pooooosibilityyyyyyyy"]] "Stop it!" "Come on man!"
* To the tune of "Dream Weaver," while Riley is sneaking through Bella's house:
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(on seeing Willie Rawles, GM employee)'' ...Wuh-wait? Is that Darth out of uniform?
Whooooooa, dreeeeeeeamcatcher, I believe you can hang there and do nothing through the ni-hiiiiiiiiiight!
* Who's the bad guy?
-->'''Edward:''' It has to be the Volturi.\\
'''Bill:'''
The Fruit of Volturi: that's Chevy's new mid-sized sedan, right?
* Bella macks on Edward:
-->'''Kevin:''' Mmm...you taste like Clearasil and indecision!
* As Jacob keeps Bella warm through
the Loom commercial:
-->'''Mike (as lady):''' Ah, it's
night:
-->'''Edward:''' Could you at least attempt to control your thoughts?\\
'''Kevin:''' I'm tired of all
the Fruit of ''Series/{{Glee}}'' spoilers!
* Any and all remarks in regards to Charlie's mustache.
** And on a related note, TEAM MUSTACHE DAD!
* A hilarious ShoutOut to ''Film/TheRoom'':
-->'''A vampire:''' Don't worry about it.\\
'''Bill:''' Oh hai, ''Twilight''! I'm so glad you like saying "don't worry about it" too.
* Even as she tries to clear things up, Bella continues to be
the Loom! There's an apple, master of mixed messages.
-->'''Bella:''' ''(to Edward)'' This wasn't a choice between you
and grapes, and... Jacob.\\
'''Kevin:''' Then
what the hell is that, ''tobacco''?!
**
was the point of the last two movies?!\\
'''Bella''' It was a choice between who I should be and who I am.\\
'''Mike:''' ...What the holy hell does that ''mean?''
* After Rosalie finishes telling her story about being gang-raped, changed, and then killing her ex-fiance, Royce;
-->'''Bella:''' So where's Royce now?
*
The old lady plucking jokes about how Creator/KristenStewart always mutters her lines, occasionally rendering them almost incomprehensible.
** "Opening my mouth to say lines is HARD!"

[[AC:Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1]]
* Before
the grape:
--->'''Bill:''' Ahh! That
riff was even released the trio did a [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX_rKaeIMMw RiffTrax announcement]] of the impending riff, during which Bill leaves for a moment to pass a kidney stone just as Kevin and Mike start mocking the whole "Jacob imprints/falls in love with a baby" thing. When Bill returns holding the kidney stone in a glass jar, [[TakeThat Kevin "imprints" on it much to the other's disgust]]
* Bill singlehandedly making a RunningGag of Edward not being able to fart, until the other guys start thinking it's in the actual movie.
* "We here at [=RiffTrax=] would like to remind you that for the last three years, Bella and Jacob have been the two most popular baby names, so please, stop it."
* Priest: "Ladies and gentlemen we're gathered here today to witness the union of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan..." "Also my bible just burst into flames for some reason."
* Talking about how the book couldn't possibly be told in one film at any especially slow moment.
* "The elderly couple in ''WesternAnimation/{{Up}}'' had hotter sex than this!"
* Later on, with Bella having passed out on the bed, Edward pulls the covers over her:
-->'''Kevin (as Edward):''' Cover up her lack of ass.
* On Sam Uley's wolf voice: "He sounds like Darth Vader trapped down a well."
* As Bella picks up a cell phone: "She tried to play Words With Friends but all she could come up with was 'Uhh?' and 'Edward!'."
* ''Everyone'' greets Jacob with "Sorry about [[http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/abduction_2011/ Abduction]]."
* "So a werewolf just fell in love with the monster baby that was ripped out of its mother's womb by the teeth of her vampire husband. Stephanie Meyer, get some help. You're very, very sick and deranged, you need to be hospitalized now."
-->"What? In dog years, she's like 14 hours!"
* Mike & Bill's "super gay Volturi voices".
** To elaborate, for the entire credits they do nothing but emit Frank'n'Furter esque groans while making suggestive comments about the names in the credits.
* "Oh for the love of god, do something, you apprehensive, brain damaged...mouse-haired...sea cucumber!"
* This insight into Meyer's writing:
-->'''Carlisle:''' We didn't think it (Bella's pregnancy) was even possible.\\
'''Bill:''' [[TakeThat It's like someone's]] [[WritingByTheSeatOfYourPants making up the rules as she goes.]]
* "Go ahead, tell me what big teeth I have, everybody does!"
* During Bella's nightmare about her wedding day, where her human family and friends are all dead...
-->''(Bella raises her hand from her dress, and notices it's blood-stained)''\\
'''Mike (as Bella):''' Oh, today of ''all'' days!
* As Bella is shaving her legs during one of the pointless montages: "Somewhere the most disturbed man in the universe is saying 'That's not the razor Bella would use'".
* When Bella calls Edward and tells him she thinks she might be pregnant:
-->'''Bill (As Edward, thinking):''' Don't. Eat. Baby.
* During the wedding, as Bella walks down the aisle—outside, in broad daylight:
-->'''Bill:''' Wait, [[FridgeLogic shouldn't the groom and, like, half of the guests be sparkling right now]]?\\
'''Mike:''' So, now you're mad when the vampires ''don't'' sparkle''!?''\\
'''Bill:''' ''(frustrated)'' I don't—I don't know! ''I don't know what I want anymore!''
* During the "Birthing scene" when the trio catch the first sight of Renesemee's bloody emergence
-->'''Kevin:''' GAH!! [[Franchise/CthulhuMythos CTHULHU!!!]]

[[AC:Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2]]
* The guys simply cracking up at Aro's {{Squee}} over Renesmee, and saying they can't possibly make it any funnier.
** When Aro reads Edward's mind:
--->'''Kevin (as Aro):''' You like ''The Spin Doctors''! You have all of their albums, HA-HA-HA!
** And again, when Aro has that doofy, far-way, half-stoned look on his face while doing his telepathy trick:
--->'''Aro:''' ...Ahhh.\\
'''Kevin (again, as Aro):''' ...My lower back just cracked.
** While they're mind-reading Edward:
--->'''Bill (as Renesmee looking up at Bella):''' Mommy, is that the guy you said bats for the other team?
** Earlier, as a trio of them emerge from the shadows:
--->'''Kevin (as Aro):''' When we're done here, can we swing by the ''HelloKitty'' Store?\\
'''Bill (as one of the others):''' Oh, yes!\\
''(cue Frank 'n Furter Moans)''
** And later the mass Frank 'n Furter Moan when the Volturi's army appears
** And earlier, when they learn of Renesmee's existence:
--->'''Bill (as one of the Volturi when Irina walks into their chambers):''' Ick! A girl! What's a girl doing in "Gay Vampire Book Club"?!
* The culmination of five films' worth of mustache jokes, when Charlie declares of Jacob's wolf form "It's like some kinda full body mustache!"
* The sheer contempt and disgust they feel towards "Pedowolf" Jacob and the endless pedophilia jokes they hurl in his direction whenever he is on screen.
** For example, when Edward is defending Renesmee's nature as a hybrid, with Jacob protecting her in the background by their car:
--->'''Edward:''' She has blood in her veins! You can feel her warmth.\\
'''Mike:''' Not you, Jacob!\\
'''Bill (as Jacob):''' Aw, come on!
** And of course:
--->'''Bella:''' YOU NICKNAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE ''LOCK NESS MONSTER''!?!\\
'''Bill:''' [[SarcasmMode It's the nickname that is the issue. Not the fact that a werewolf is perving on your newborn.]]
** Also:
--->'''Bella:''' ''(to Renesmee)'' I'll never let anybody hurt you. ''(kisses Renesmee)''\\
'''Kevin (as Bella):''' But I ''will'' let the guy who used to stalk me hang around and child-bride you if he wants.
** And:
--->'''Bill (as Jacob):''' Must get to Alaska! Age of consent... only ''16''!
* "Greetings, blood-rich human progenitor. I mean, hi dad."
* This little gem:
-->'''Edward:''' It's painful, but it's bearable.\\
'''Mike:''' His review of their marriage so far.
* When [[ConspicuousCGI CGI Renesmee]] first shows up:
-->'''Bill:''' Jack-Jack from ''WesternAnimation/TheIncredibles'' looked less digital than this thing!
** And later:
--->'''Charlie:''' She has your eyes, Bella.\\
'''Mike:''' Its like someone photoshopped your eyes onto her face.
** And even later still, when Renesmee is a bit older:
--->'''Charlie:''' Look at you, you've grown half a foot!\\
'''Mike:''' It's stickin' out of your neck, revolting!
** When Charlie first sees Renesmee. "My god, she's-she's ''animated''."
* When the wolves sense incoming vampires:
-->'''Jacob:''' Whoever's coming
wasn't invited.\\
'''Kevin:''' His special psychic super-power is "e-vite response awareness."
* As the credits roll:
-->'''Bill:''' We will see you back at [=RiffTrax=].com for ''Literature/FiftyShadesOfGrey''!\\
'''Kevin:''' OH GOD ''NO''!!! NOOO!!!\\
'''Mike:''' NOOOOOOOOOO!!
* Bella and Jacob talking in the car:
-->'''Bella:''' 27 vampires...\\
'''Mike:''' ...[[ShockSite one cup.]]
* Every time Emmet opens his mouth, it's always followed by one of the Riffers snapping at him. For example:
-->'''Emmet:''' ''(just as Jacob's about to explain "imprinting")'' This should be good.\\
'''Bill:''' Damn it Emmet, who gave ''you''
a grape, lady!line?!
** And later on:
--->'''Emmet:''' Done already?\\
'''Bill:''' Damn it Emmet, stop saying the lines!
** And even later, when they're discussing Renesmee:
--->'''Emmet:''' We're not even sure she ''is'' a newb-\\
'''Bill:''' Damn it, who gave Emmet another line?!
* After Bella and Edward are "intimate" for the first time after her transformation:
-->'''Bella:''' ''(to Edward)'' You really ''were'' holding back before.\\
'''Mike:''' With the post-coital sobbing, that is.
* At the end of the "fight":
-->'''Kevin (as Edward):''' ...Did we mention she's named "Renesmee"?\\
'''Bill (as a Volturi):''' THE CHILD MUST DIE!
* At the beginning when Bella and Edward are once again issuing mumbly declarations of love and Kevin's frustration at how repetitive this is
-->'''Bella''' I love you...\\
'''Edward''' I love you...\\
'''Kevin''' [[SarcasmMode Oh, they love each other?!]] Well, that hadn't been made clear to me over the course of the eight hours of film leading up to this ''(speaking in an increasingly enraged and frustrated tone)'' which consisted entirely of these two... IDIOTS!!! SITTING IN A FIELD OF BUTTERCUPS!!! '''MUMBLING ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY LOVE ONE ANOTHER!!!!!'''
* Their irritation with Garrett never shutting up about how he was in the American Revolution, until finally they just have him say apropos of nothing, "Crispus Attucks, my dear. Crispus Attucks."
* When the Volturi kill Carlisle and the other characters charge forward in rage;
-->'''Kevin (as Edward):''' My fake daaaaad!\\
'''Mike and Bill (as everyone else):''' That guy's fake daaaaad!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:X-Men]]
[[AC:X-Men]]
* During the opening scene:
-->'''Mike:''' Oh...Oh, do you really get to use the Holocaust in your silly little comic book movie?\\
'''Bill:''' It doesn't seem fair, but I guess they're doin' it...
* On Wolverine's facial hair:
-->'''Mike:''' You know, I don't think the Martin Van Buren mutton chops quite cut it anymore, now that it's not 1825 and all."\\
'''Bill:''' I think he should try a beard with no mustache for a fresher, more 1863 look.
* "Shouldn't he get back to the University of Michigan and start ''being their mascot''?"
* "Cerebro?" "Magneto?" "Yes, Cerebro." "Why, thank you, Magneto!" [[RunningGag "Hello, Cerebro." "Yes, Magneto."]] [[OverlyLongGag "Well, Magneto, I guess." "Cerebro."]]
* On Cerebro (their favorite thing in the whole movie):
-->'''Bill:''' Such a subtle name.\\
'''Mike:''' Yeah, he nearly called it "Brains A-Poppin'."
* A nice TakeThat at a certain other movie in the series:
-->'''Charles:''' This is a school for gifted mutants.\\
'''Wolverine:''' That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.\\
'''Mike:''' Then you've never seen ''X-Men 3''.
* This hilarious bit
-->'''Magneto:''' Because there is no land of tolerance. There is no peace. Not here or anywhere else. Women and children, whole families destroyed. Simply because they were born different from those in power. \\
'''Mike:''' Fine, you can marry your boyfriend.
* When Senator Kelly starts squeezing his mutated head through the bars:
-->'''Mike:''' Well, mutant or not, that's just remarkable stupid!

[[AC: ''X-Men 2'']]



-->'''Kevin:''' We interrupt these commercials to bring you a longer, ''weirder'' commercial!
* When Ackmina starts a dance in the cantina to get everyone out
-->'''Bill''' Ah yes, the pied-piper like appeal of a [[TakeThat mannish old crone]].
* During a commercial break, the channel logo appears:
-->'''Announcer:''' This is CBS.\\
'''Bill:''' Please don't hold it against us.
* [[TheSimpsons "It's the Itchy and Lumpy Shooooow!"]]
* The jokes during the promos for other CBS shows:
-->'''Announcer''': Start your Sunday evening viewing with ''60 Minutes''.\\
''(Shot of [[Series/AllInTheFamily Edith Bunker]])''\\
'''Mike''': Ah, Morley Safer looks terrible!
** In a promo for a movie adapation of The Bible:
---> '''Kevin''': And next week, the Tibetian Book of the Dead.
** In a promo for a short-lived series:
---> '''Kevin''': ''Flying High'': We don't even have a Wikipedia page! [[note]] It does now. [[/note]]
* Mike seamlessly adding on to the [=TrailTracker=]'s marketing jingle with the most honest possible assessment of the toy:
-->'''Ad:''' Take a crayon, draw a line, the [=TrailTracker=] van will follow behind!
-->'''Mike:''' It'll be fun for approximately, ''3.7 se-conds!''
* Making fun of an promo for ''Film/TheWiz''.
-->'''Announcer''': ''The Wiz'' is...\\
'''Mike:''' Gimmicky!\\
'''Kevin:''' Forgettable!\\
'''Announcer:''' ''The Wiz'' is...\\
'''Bill:''' Off-putting!\\
'''Mike:''' [[UnintentionalPeriodPiece Destined to age poorly!]]\\
'''Announcer:''' ''The Wiz'' is...\\
'''Kevin:''' [[Website/RottenTomatoes Certified rotten on the Tomatometer!]]\\
'''Bill:''' Bad, except for Nipsey Russell.\\
'''Announcer:''' ''The Wiz'': it's joy, it's laughter, it's music!\\
'''Mike:''' It's written by [[{{Creator/JoelSchumacher}} the director of]] ''Film/BatmanAndRobin''.
* When R2 and 3PO show up at the end:
-->'''C-3PO:''' It's at times like this that R2 and I wish that we were more than just mechanical beings.\\
'''Mike (as R2):''' Speak for yourself, Turing Test flunker!
* Ackmina speaks to a short furry creature.
-->'''Ackmina:''' ... Wait, I don't think we met.\\
'''Mike (as creature):''' [[Series/TheGoldenGirls I played your mother for seven seasons.]]
*
-->'''Imperial Officer:''' Go clean up your room.\\
'''Bill:''' Cower before Darth Babysitter!
* As the Cantina band leaves for the night:
-->'''Ackmena:''' "You're such a dear friend..."
-->'''Mike:''' "You have never made eye contact with me, actually."

to:

-->'''Kevin:''' We interrupt these commercials to bring you a longer, ''weirder'' commercial!
* When Ackmina starts a dance in the cantina to get everyone out
-->'''Bill''' Ah yes, the pied-piper like appeal of a [[TakeThat mannish old crone]].
* During a commercial break, the channel logo appears:
-->'''Announcer:''' This is CBS.\\
-->'''Magneto:''' ''(to Xavier)'' YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!!\\
'''Bill:''' Please don't hold Well now it against us.
* [[TheSimpsons "It's
sounds like Christmas at the Itchy and Lumpy Shooooow!"]]
*
Corbett home.

[[AC: ''X-Men:
The jokes during the promos for other CBS shows:
-->'''Announcer''': Start your Sunday evening viewing with ''60 Minutes''.\\
''(Shot of [[Series/AllInTheFamily Edith Bunker]])''\\
'''Mike''': Ah, Morley Safer looks terrible!
** In a promo for a movie adapation of The Bible:
---> '''Kevin''': And next week, the Tibetian Book of the Dead.
** In a promo for a short-lived series:
---> '''Kevin''': ''Flying High'': We don't even have a Wikipedia page! [[note]] It does now. [[/note]]
Last Stand'']]
* Mike seamlessly adding on When Beast returns to the [=TrailTracker=]'s marketing jingle with the most honest possible assessment X-Mansion...
-->'''Beast:''' Ororo, Charles!\\
'''All:''' [[KelseyGrammer AH!]] [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons SIDESHOW BOB!]]
* "[[Film/TheRoom "Oh hi, Alcatraz. Hope Chris R does not escape. Hahaha..."]]
** "Oh, hai, army
of the toy:
-->'''Ad:''' Take a crayon, draw a line, the [=TrailTracker=] van will follow behind!
-->'''Mike:''' It'll be fun for approximately, ''3.7 se-conds!''
mutants!"
* Making fun of Every single time they mimic Creator/IanMcKellen's voice. Campiness ensues.
* This line involving Creator/EllenPage's character
** [[Film/{{Inception}} "I'm going to architecture school, so..."]]
* Magneto trying to make
an promo for ''Film/TheWiz''.
-->'''Announcer''': ''The Wiz'' is...\\
'''Mike:''' Gimmicky!\\
"I Will Survive" music video.
* After Bobby beats Pyro
-->'''Bobby:''' You never should have left [the school]!\\
'''Kevin:''' Forgettable!\\
'''Announcer:''' ''The Wiz'' is...\\
'''Bill:''' Off-putting!\\
'''Mike:''' [[UnintentionalPeriodPiece Destined to age poorly!]]\\
'''Announcer:''' ''The Wiz'' is...\\
'''Kevin:''' [[Website/RottenTomatoes Certified rotten on the Tomatometer!]]\\
'''Bill:''' Bad, except for Nipsey Russell.\\
'''Announcer:''' ''The Wiz'': it's joy, it's laughter, it's music!\\
'''Mike:''' It's written by [[{{Creator/JoelSchumacher}} the director of]] ''Film/BatmanAndRobin''.
* When R2 and 3PO show up at the end:
-->'''C-3PO:''' It's at times like this that R2 and I wish that we were more than just mechanical beings.\\
'''Mike (as R2):''' Speak for yourself, Turing Test flunker!
* Ackmina speaks to a short furry creature.
-->'''Ackmina:''' ... Wait, I don't think we met.\\
'''Mike (as creature):''' [[Series/TheGoldenGirls I played
Nobody fed your mother for seven seasons.]]
*
-->'''Imperial Officer:''' Go clean up your room.\\
'''Bill:''' Cower before Darth Babysitter!
* As the Cantina band leaves for the night:
-->'''Ackmena:''' "You're such a dear friend..."
-->'''Mike:''' "You have never made eye contact with me, actually."
fish and it '''died!'''




[[folder:Terminator]]
[[AC: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines]]
*
-->'''Woman''' ''(to T-X)'' Are you okay?\\
'''Kevin:''' "Okay"? The girl who works at Starbucks is "okay." She's naked, hot, and terrific!
* When the T-850 first arrives and the guys are hoping for another naked T-X:
-->'''Mike:''' Argh! Hey, isn't he too old to be naked? I mean, ever again?
* When the T-X climbs out of the wreckage of the crane:
-->'''Kevin''': How can you fear anyone so cute and pouty?\\
'''Mike (as T-X):''' We are ''so'' not dating anymore!
* Scott is a smirking tool:
-->'''Kate:''' She killed Scott because of me.\\
'''Kevin:''' Scott would have died of his own douche-ed-ness anyway.
* Kevin has a crush on the T-X:
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh, I wouldn't mind being in ''her'' "chain of command," if you know what I mean.\\
'''Mike:''' Kevin, she's a killer, shape-shifting robot!\\
'''Kevin:''' Ah, as long as she keeps ''that'' shape most of the time and keeps the killing down to a minimum, I'll stand at attention for her anytime.

[[AC: Terminator Salvation]]
* As Marcus dies in the end of the prologue, the movie [[FadeToWhite fades to white]], and "Directed by [=McG=]" appears on the screen.
-->'''Kevin:''' If this is the last thing I see when I die, I will assume I'm going to hell.
* Any jokes pertaining to Marcus and his having been in ''Film/{{Avatar}}''.
* As John Connor steps onto the landing site:
-->'''Mike (as John):''' Thanks for the ride, Harrison!\\
'''Kevin (as Creator/HarrisonFord):''' [[Film/AirForceOne GET OFF MY PLANE!]]
* As the [[HumongousMecha Harvester]] first appears:
-->'''Mike':''' Hey, I think I'm in the wrong movie. You guys seen [[Film/{{Transformers}} a douchy, stammering kid running around with a stripper?]]
* Any joke referencing Creator/ChristianBale's [[MemeticMutation infamous]] [[RantInducingSlight tirade]] (which came from the shooting of this movie).
** "Don't mention the lights in front of Mr. Bale! Oh, who gave him explosives?!"
** "Hurry--get out of Christian Bale's light!"
** (As John Connor is stranded on a crashed and sinking helicopter) "He's wondering how he can blame ''this'' on the lighting guy." "[[AmericanPsycho Oh, good for you, you broke my helicopter - and how was it]]?"
* "(in a [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga Batman-like]] voice) They know what you are, even if you don't!" "ROAR!"
** "WHAT ARE YOU!?" "I don't know." '''[[NoIndoorVoice "ALRIGHT, I WAS JUST CURIOUS, THAT'S ALL!"]]'''
* When Marcus encounters Kyle Reese (looking much like a street urchin)
-->'''Marcus:''' What day is it?\\
'''Bill:''' ''(with a Creator/CharlesDickens StreetUrchin voice)'' Why, Christmas Day, sir!
* When the old woman is giving the little girl something to eat;
-->'''Mike (as old woman):''' What do you want, honey, Snickers? Slim Jim? Dunkaroos? You want Dunkaroos? Honey? You want Dunkaroos? ''(gets no response)'' WELL, TO HELL WITH YOU, YOU TRAUMATIZED LITTLE FREAK!
* After a man gets hit by a car and the driver proceeds to speed away;
-->'''Mike:''' Bet ''that'' guy didn't invite his friends to the premiere.
*
-->'''Kevin:''' Our heroes; [[DesignatedHero Torching a holding pen full of innocent fellow humans to destroy the robot they led there in the first place.]]
* "[[Film/TheRoom Oh, hai prisoner transport! Haha...]]"
* "Okay, quick question... [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga WHERE]] [[ActorAllusion ARE]] [[ChewingTheScenery THEY!?!?"]]
* Mike makes a joke regarding Creator/ChristianBale's tendency to... [[ChewingTheScenery overact.]]
-->'''John Connor:''' I thought I knew our enemy... but that thing... it makes me feel like I know nothing.\\
'''Mike (as John):''' I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE ME A [[SoundEffectsBleep BEEPING]] ANSWER!!!
* [[NoIndoorVoice "RAWR!!"]]
* When John lights a flare while underground:
-->'''Bill (as John):''' [[TooDumbToLive Now I can find that gas tank!]]
[[/folder]]


[[folder:Transformers]]
[[AC:Transformers]]
* When the [[FanNickname Popeye robot]] is after Sam:
--> '''Sam:''' He's gonna kill me!\\
''(the robot pulls his pants down)''\\
'''Bill:''' [[BlackComedyRape I think he has something else in mind..]]
* During the family [[ADateWithRosiePalms "discussion"]] between Sam and his parents...
-->'''Mom:''' It's fine if you don't want to call it that... you can call it.\\
'''Kevin:''' [[IncrediblyLamePun LaBeef Strokeitoff]].
* When the Sector 7 cars pull up outside the Witwicky residence and [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivfvoqBiG04 the various agents pile out]]...
-->'''Kevin:''' [[Film/TheMatrix Mr. Anderson]]...\\
'''Bill:''' ...Mr. Anderson...\\
'''Mike:''' ...'''MR.''' Anderson...\\
'''Bill:''' ...Mr. ''Anderson''...\\
'''Kevin:''' ...MIS-TER Anderson...
** Doubly funny considering who's voicing Megatron in the movies...
* When the various character groups meet up at the Hoover Dam:
-->'''Tom Banachek:''' Son, listen to me very carefully. People could die here.\\
'''Mike:''' If we really put our minds to it, people could die here.
* The Decepticon roll call turned into something out of Thomas the Tank Engine.
* When Scorponok attacks the Special Ops survivors and they retreat to the nearby village to get a cell phone to be made to the Pentagon, and a bunch of locals come out with guns to assist the Special Ops team:
-->'''Mike (as Qatar locals):''' How dare you interrupt ''Series/WillAndGrace''?! This better be good!
* When Sam's car first transforms:
-->'''Kevin:''' Ah, brings me back to when I was seven years old...in that I'm cranky, kind of hungry, and I'm close to tears.
* Similarly:
-->'''Mike:''' Yep, this is just like my junior prom.\\
'''Kevin:''' Wow, hot girl in your lap?\\
'''Mike:''' No, I was at home playing with my Transformers.

[[AC: Revenge of the Fallen]]
* The first thing out of 'Sam's mouth after meeting the Primes and returning to life:
-->"God is a bunch of robots!"
* Bumblebee's reaction upon seeing Sam apparently die.
-->"I'm free! I'm finally free!"
* '''Bill:''' General Motors would like to remind its many former employees not to think about how much all the product placement cost.
* On the appearance of [[TheScrappy the twins]].
-->'''Mike:''' Oh good; twin mechanical Jar Jars.\\
'''Mudflap:''' That hurt, man.\\
'''Skids:''' It's supposed to hurt. It's an ass-kickin'.\\
-->'''Mike:''' I believe that was actually the movie poster tagline for Transformers 2.
* When a poster for ''Bad Boys II'' appears on screen.
-->'''Bill:''' The movie Transformers 2 would like to take this moment to remind you Michael Bay sucked 14 years ago too. We now return you to your noisy mayhem.
* During the opening:
-->'''Optimus Prime:''' ...a species much like our own: capable of great compassion...\\
'''Bill:''' Hey! Take that back [[HypocriticalHumor or I'll kill you!]]
* ''Everybody Shea!''
** Wawawawabubububububbababababababa!
** Nonononononon!
* "And now Patrick Star appears and unwraps a Krabby Patty of whoopass."
* Upon seeing the results of Sam's mother eating a pot brownie
-->'''Mike:''' So she took the kind of pot that A) works instantly and B) gets you drunk.
* The continuation of a military guy's narmy one-liner:
-->'''Morshower:''' Ensign, how many?\\
'''Ensign:''' Not clear, sir.\\
'''Morshower:''' Well, ''get'' clear.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' I've tried, but the system is unresponsive, sir.\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' Well, ''get'' responsive.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' Uh, yes sir, just give me a minute.\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' Well, ''get'' a minute.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' I-I don't know what that means, sir.\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' Well, ''get'' know what that means.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' I'm just gonna stop responding to you now.\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' Well, ''get'' responding to me now.\\
'''Mike (as Ensign):''' Alright, LOOK SIR!\\
'''Kevin (as Morshower):''' ''(chuckles)'' I kid you, Sargeant.
* "ADULTS made this movie right?"
** "Adults, yes...[[TakeThat and Michael Bay]]."
* During the fight in Egypt:
-->'''Kevin:''' Mike, you'll tell me when I should start caring about ''anything'' that's happening, please?\\
'''Mike''': Will do!\\
'''Kevin:''' Will that time ever come?\\
'''Mike''': It will not.

[[AC:Dark of the Moon]]
* "What the hell was that thing?"
-->'''Mike''': Six word review of this film.
-->'''Optimus Prime''': That...is [[TheDreaded Shockwave]].
-->(''Optimus throws his sword away'')
-->'''Kevin''' (''as someone offscreen''): Oww!
* When Wang screams "Shut up!" to a co-worker:
-->'''Kevin''': Wow, Bill, that's like you, several times in every recording session.
-->'''Bill''': '''SHUT UP!!!'''
* "[[ARareSentence I don't think this is about the Decepticons looking for something on the moon.]]"
-->'''Mike''':...[[{{Narm}}A grown man said in all seriousness]].
* Mike's gotten the hang of naming Transformers.
-->'''Mike:''' Arise, Decepticons! [[LukeNounverber Starchunk]]! [[ToiletHumor Thunderbucket]]! [[DopeSlap Slaptimus]]! [[Film/{{Aliens}} Bughunt]]! [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot Snaketocopter]]! And Mortimer W. Clankitybritches!
* On Ken Jeong's bowtie-sporting character:
-->'''Mike:''' If the Georges "Will" and "Takei" had a baby.
* On Starscream's death:
-->'''Sam:''' Well, he's dead.\\
'''Kevin:''' That would be my eulogy if I was asked to speak at Michael Bay's funeral.
* This exchange:
-->'''Shia Labeouf:''' WOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH!!!\\
'''Bill:''' What's that Shia?\\
'''Shia Labeouf:''' WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!\\
'''Bill:''' Oh, I see!\\
'''Shia Labeouf:''' WWWWOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!\\
'''Bill:''' The career of Shia Labeouf summed up in five seconds, everyone.
* This:
-->'''Bumblebee''': You... Will always be... My friend... Sam...\\
'''Kevin:''' I lied...\\
'''Bill:''' Actually I...\\
'''Mike:''' -Never-\\
'''Bill:''' -LIKED YOU-\\
'''Mike:''' -So-\\
'''Kevin:''' -Go TO-\\
'''Bill:''' -HELL!!!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Twilight Saga]]
[[AC:Twilight]]
* Right off the bat, they start arguing about vampire [[PerfectlyCromulentWord sparkliness]]:
-->'''Mike:''' Thank you, and welcome once again to ''Podcast/RiffTrax'', where I am joined by Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy.\\
'''Bill:''' Thank you, Mike. And may I say how happy I am that our movie, ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'', is finally telling the world something I've been saying for years: that vampires are sparkly! Ho-ho-ho, the world laughed at me and my quoteunquote "crazy ideas about vampire sparkliness", but maybe now that the truth is out, I'll get an apology! ''Kevin''.\\
'''Kevin:''' I-I-I never denied their ''sparkliness'', ''Bill'', we just happen to disagree ''very'', ''very'' strongly about whether that sparkliness is a full-body sparkliness, huh? Is it sparkly between their toes? Sparkly on the bottom of their feet? Are their ''inner thighs'' sparkly? [[SeriousBusiness These are important questions, and I don't think Twilight has settled them]].\\
'''Bill:''' Oh, you had to bring up the sparkly thigh thing, didn't you? When you know that it all hinges on the buttcheeks! Frankly, sir, your views on this are well outside the norm in the vampire sparkliness research community.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(gasps)'' How ''dare'' you, sir?!\\
'''Bill:''' I dare!\\
'''Kevin:''' My contributions to the vampire buttcheeks sparkliness research are ''renowned'', and I'll not have your slander, shame on you, sir!\\
'''Bill:''' No, shame on ''you''!\\
'''Kevin:''' No, shame on-!\\
'''Mike:''' Okay, o-okay, okay.
* Just before the opening credits:
-->'''Bella:''' And...this will be a good thing...\\
'''Mike:''' ...like Hot Topic!\\
'''Bella:''' ...I think.\\
'''Mike:''' But what do I know? [[MarySue I'm just your typically abnormally confident, world-weary 16-year-old female protagonist, teehee!]]
* "Yeah, that's the new girl; she'll fit ''[[SarcasmMode right in]]'' driving [[Series/SanfordAndSon Fred Sanford's truck]]!
* In the cafeteria:
-->'''Girl:''' ...[[ItMakesSenseInContext we're talking Olympic sized]]!\\
'''Mike''': High school girls discussing ''[[AccidentalInnuendo wang sizes]]''; [[DespairEventHorizon we've officially hit rock bottom, gentlemen]].\\
'''Kevin''': Shh, shh, shh! I'm trying to hear about the wang sizes!
* "'''''Llllllllllllllllllllllladies?'''''"
** "Lllllllladies." "Bill, those are guys." "Oh, well, dudes that look like llllllladies."
* "[[PunctuatedForEmphasis THIS! IS! Forks High School, home of the SPARTAns!]]"
* "The silver screen cannot contain the [[BlatantLies heated passion]] of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}!''
* "It's hard to look badass posing next to a Volvo."
-->'''Edward:''' No one will believe you!\\
'''Mike:''' ...quoting directly from [[AC:The Abusive Guy's Handbook]] there.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SE0fknMFFXg&feature=related Kevin's version]] of Edward's song to Bella.
-->'''Kevin:''' This is a ballad that I wrote just for you...\\
♪''I want to chomp into your throat''\\
''And watch you bleed out on the floor''\\
''Then I'll bathe myself in your life's essence as you die''\\
''Tear your heart out of your chest''\\
''And crack the bones and suck the marrow out''\\
''Slice into your brain for sandwiches''\\
''And maybe have an omelette made of...''♪\\
'''Mike:''' Okay, thank you Kevin, very nice.\\
'''Kevin:''' I have more!\\
'''Bill:''' Well, sure you do, oh what a shame! The song's over!
* "Line?" "Line?" "Line?" "Line?" [[RunningGag "Line?" "Line?" "Line?" "Line?"]] [[OverlyLongGag "Line?" "Line?" "Line?" "Line?"]]
* "It's ''fun'' being eternally damned!"
* When Edward reveals his nature to Bella for the first time:
-->'''Edward:''' Say it...\\
'''Kevin:''' Alright, you're a total homo!\\
'''Bill:''' That's not what I meant!\\
'''Edward:''' ''Out loud...''\\
'''Mike:''' Okay, you're a thorough-going douche...\\
'''Bill:''' No! You're not doing it right!\\
'''Mike:''' A tool?\\
'''Bill:''' NO!\\
'''Bella:''' Vampire...\\
'''Kevin:''' Close; I'm a ''metro''pire!\\
'''Edward:''' Are you afraid?\\
'''Mike''': Seriously...[[DullSurprise I don't know what emotion you're going for, because you always just look nauseous]]...
* Bella is visiting the Cullens.
-->'''Mike:''' You like [[Franchise/{{LEGO}} Legos]]? Cause I got tons of Legos ''(sic)'', I got Lego Franchise/StarWars, and [[Toys/LEGOPowerMiners Power Miners]], I got like a bajillion [[Toys/{{BIONICLE}} Beeonicles]] ''(sic)'' too...
* "Vampires keep themselves [[WireFu harnessed to the ceilings at all times]] in case a production of ''Theatre/PeterPan'' breaks out."
** "[[BrickJoke Is there a production of]] ''Theatre/PeterPan''? Because ''we're'' ready!"
* "She was coached by Shia [=LeBeouf=] for this scene."
* The scene where Edward sneaks into Bella's bedroom: "What was our math homework?"
* Cafeteria scene:
-->'''Bella:''' You know, your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash.\\
'''Mike:''' And that apple you bounced off your foot is giving me hookworm.
* After Edward has saved Bella and kisses her in the hospital:
--> '''Mike:''' Aw, I-I'm weakening, guys. I mean suddenly feel very invested in their love. It's-It's my love, too. Them succeeding despite all odds means I succeed despite all odds. ''(Cut to a shot over a forest)'' Look, beautiful trees, as-as beautiful as the love between Edward and Bella and me and their beauty and... '''*THUNK*''' Ow! ''You hit me with a phone book!''\\
'''Kevin:''' Yep.
* And just before the end:
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh-oh, it's ''Twilight'' author Creator/StephenieMeyer and she does ''not'' look happy.\\
'''Mike:''' ''Oh my god!'' She's got a sniper rifle!
* When Bella and Edward are practicing dancing:
-->'''Mike:''' You mind if I slit my wrists right now, get ahead of the curve?\\
'''Bill:''' Oh, any old time, Mike.\\
'''Kevin:''' I'm surprised you haven't done it by ''now''!
* Mike, Bill, and Kevin worrying about the taxidermy animal in science room. (I'd say ItMakesSenseInContext, but...it doesn't.)
* "Typical night at Creator/JackNicholson's house, circa 1975."
* During the...well, rapidly changing scene:
-->'''Kevin:''' I'm having [[ThisIsYourPremiseOnDrugs another acid flashback]], right?\\
'''Mike:''' No, that's the movie.\\
'''Kevin:''' So...you guys ''also'' see Jim Nabors riding a killer whale in space?\\
'''Mike:''' No...\\
'''Bill:''' Wish I did, though; that sounds great!
* Early scene mentioning the investigation into mysterious deaths.
-->'''Sheriff:''' Well, another hiker got attacked by something in the woods.\\
'''Mike (as Sheriff):''' ...We think it was a bear because it sucked all the blood out of the corpse.
* Bill singing [[Series/TheBennyHillShow "Yakkity Sax"]] while Edward runs up the hill with Bella at superspeed.
* One scene with some odd camera angles prompts the riffers to claim first that the camera man is being chased by a badger, then that he passed out due to blood loss from the badger attack, and then that the badger has taken control of the camera.

[[AC:Twilight: New Moon]]
* As the movie opens...
-->'''Mike:''' And we're ba--\\
'''Bill:''' TEAM JACOB!\\
'''Mike:''' ''(disgruntled)'' COULD you please...?!
* Bill's epic ClusterBleepBomb in the opening sequence.
-->'''Mike:''' What the hell? That's not a NEW moon, I've seen that dozens of times before! Jeez, son of a *bleep* BITCH, what the *bleep* kind of piece of *bleep* Teen Vampire bull*bleep* is this!??!
* Bella has a gift for Jacob:
-->'''Bella:''' It's a little crazy...\\
'''Bill (as Bella):''' It's a statue of General Custer!
* This exchange:
-->'''Alice:''' It's just a little...blood.\\
'''Mike (as Bella):''' Well it ''was'' a "little blood" until Edward flayed open my brachial artery.
* (To Bella) BOOOO! YOU SUCK! BOOOO!
* During the scene where Edward is walking through Italy to go ask the Volturi to kill him:
--> [[Music/TheBeeGees "Ha, ha, ha, not stayin' alive, not stayin alive! Ha, ha, ha,]] [[NoIndoorVoice not stayin' ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!]]
* As Bella is being led away from the Volturi, passing by a group of tourists being led into their chamber. Screams are heard...
-->'''Bill:''' Italian Police issued a statement today once again reiterating that, ''for the love of God'', tour groups should stop going into that Castle where all the other tour groups have been mysteriously murdered.
* Pretty much the entirety of the treatment the Volturi in terms of [[Film/TheRockyHorrorPictureShow Frank n Furter]] esque moaning, mockery of their effeminate portrayal, and in particular their reactions to Michael Sheen whenever they are on screen. In particular this little line as Edward is about to ask them to kill him
-->'''Bill:''' [[OmniscientCouncilOfVagueness The High Council of GAYness]] will see you now!\\
'''Mike and Kevin:''' ''(effeminate groaning and moaning)''
* Early on...
-->'''Edward:''' ''(To Bella)'' This will be the last time you ever see me.\\
'''Mike, Bill, and Kevin:''' ''(Triumphant cheering)'' Hooray! Yay!
* When Jacob first [[ShirtlessScene removes his shirt]]:
-->'''Kevin:''' Aaaaaannnd...\\
'''All three:''' Heeyo! Hey-hey-hey-babe! Aroooogah, aroogah! Hohoho!\\
'''Mike:''' Mom, I didn't know you wanted to see New Moon!\\
'''Bill:''' ''(effeminate voice)'' Quiet, dear, I'm trying to watch. Th-the story! The story.
** Subversely, upon Edward doffing his shirt:
---> '''Mike:''' And theaters full of shrieking teenagers learn the hard way that some things are better left to the imagination.
* The end, after a whole movie's worth of sending out mixed messages and crushing hearts:
-->'''Bella:''' ''(to Jacob)'' I do love you.\\
'''Bill:''' ''(incredulous)'' Sh-she ''does!?''\\
'''Mike''': ''(through laughter)'' She's not a stable girl.
* Used as a RunningGag, they keep trying to catch Bella actually making it through a sentence without a Shatnerian pause. Sometimes she actually manages what would count as a whole sentence only to continue the sentence after a long pause.
* Cliff-diving:
--> I regret not buying more shiiiiiiiiirts!\\
I regret not buying Bob more shiiiiiiiiiiiirts!\\
I regret being named Embryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!\\
Donate my torso to Abercrombie and Fiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!
* And when Bella goes cliff-diving:
--> Drowning: the only way she could get more pale and sad.
* During the beach scene, when Jacob is trying to revive Bella
--> '''Bill:''' So, you're really suggesting ''another'' film is anywhere near as iconic and love-filled as this one?\\
'''Kevin:''' Well, ''yeah,'' I mean--\\
'''Bill:''' WELL YOU AND ALL YOUR PETS SHOULD DIE!!!

[[AC:Twilight: Eclipse]]
-->'''Jacob:''' She broke her hand...punching my face.\\
'''Kevin (As Charlie):''' Ugh, you guys went to see [[BrickJoke "Face Punch"]] again, didn't you?
* "Make as many mistakes as you can", the advice that inspired Creator/MNightShyamalan.
* Jasper flashbacking
-->'''Bella:''' How do you know so much about this?\\
'''Mike:''' Read the Twilight books, they blew.\\
'''Jasper:''' I didn't have quite the same upbringing as my adopted siblings.\\
'''Bill:''' [[Creator/SteveMartin I was born a poor black child]].
* Following an awkward conversation between Bella and Charlie.
-->'''Kevin (as Charlie):''' ...''(takes a swig from his beer)'' Work your dark magic, booze.
* Continuing the RunningGag from previous films, the guys continual irritation by Bella's inability to finish a...sentence, without pausing.
** Plus their horror at Charlie throwing in a random pause. "It's an epidemic!"
* ''[During Charlie's embarrassing marriage/sex talk with Bella]''
-->'''Bella:''' Oh my God, Dad! I'm a virgin.\\
'''Charlie:''' Daaah-d-d-duh, okay!\\
'''Kevin:''' ''(laughs)'' Dad had a [[Series/{{Friends}} Chandler]] attack.\\
'''Bill:''' Could my daughter ''be'' anymore of a virgin?!
* The other Running Gag of "Line?", especially when Bella is freezing in the mountains: "L-l-line?"
* [[RunningGag "Theeere's a pooooosibilityyyyyyyy"]] "Stop it!" "Come on man!"
* To the tune of "Dream Weaver," while Riley is sneaking through Bella's house:
-->'''Kevin:''' Whooooooa, dreeeeeeeamcatcher, I believe you can hang there and do nothing through the ni-hiiiiiiiiiight!
* Who's the bad guy?
-->'''Edward:''' It has to be the Volturi.\\
'''Bill:''' The Volturi: that's Chevy's new mid-sized sedan, right?
* Bella macks on Edward:
-->'''Kevin:''' Mmm...you taste like Clearasil and indecision!
* As Jacob keeps Bella warm through the night:
-->'''Edward:''' Could you at least attempt to control your thoughts?\\
'''Kevin:''' I'm tired of all the ''Series/{{Glee}}'' spoilers!
* Any and all remarks in regards to Charlie's mustache.
** And on a related note, TEAM MUSTACHE DAD!
* A hilarious ShoutOut to ''Film/TheRoom'':
-->'''A vampire:''' Don't worry about it.\\
'''Bill:''' Oh hai, ''Twilight''! I'm so glad you like saying "don't worry about it" too.
* Even as she tries to clear things up, Bella continues to be the master of mixed messages.
-->'''Bella:''' ''(to Edward)'' This wasn't a choice between you and Jacob.\\
'''Kevin:''' Then what the hell was the point of the last two movies?!\\
'''Bella''' It was a choice between who I should be and who I am.\\
'''Mike:''' ...What the holy hell does that ''mean?''
* After Rosalie finishes telling her story about being gang-raped, changed, and then killing her ex-fiance, Royce;
-->'''Bella:''' So where's Royce now?
* The jokes about how Creator/KristenStewart always mutters her lines, occasionally rendering them almost incomprehensible.
** "Opening my mouth to say lines is HARD!"

[[AC:Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1]]
* Before the riff was even released the trio did a [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX_rKaeIMMw RiffTrax announcement]] of the impending riff, during which Bill leaves for a moment to pass a kidney stone just as Kevin and Mike start mocking the whole "Jacob imprints/falls in love with a baby" thing. When Bill returns holding the kidney stone in a glass jar, [[TakeThat Kevin "imprints" on it much to the other's disgust]]
* Bill singlehandedly making a RunningGag of Edward not being able to fart, until the other guys start thinking it's in the actual movie.
* "We here at [=RiffTrax=] would like to remind you that for the last three years, Bella and Jacob have been the two most popular baby names, so please, stop it."
* Priest: "Ladies and gentlemen we're gathered here today to witness the union of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan..." "Also my bible just burst into flames for some reason."
* Talking about how the book couldn't possibly be told in one film at any especially slow moment.
* "The elderly couple in ''WesternAnimation/{{Up}}'' had hotter sex than this!"
* Later on, with Bella having passed out on the bed, Edward pulls the covers over her:
-->'''Kevin (as Edward):''' Cover up her lack of ass.
* On Sam Uley's wolf voice: "He sounds like Darth Vader trapped down a well."
* As Bella picks up a cell phone: "She tried to play Words With Friends but all she could come up with was 'Uhh?' and 'Edward!'."
* ''Everyone'' greets Jacob with "Sorry about [[http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/abduction_2011/ Abduction]]."
* "So a werewolf just fell in love with the monster baby that was ripped out of its mother's womb by the teeth of her vampire husband. Stephanie Meyer, get some help. You're very, very sick and deranged, you need to be hospitalized now."
-->"What? In dog years, she's like 14 hours!"
* Mike & Bill's "super gay Volturi voices".
** To elaborate, for the entire credits they do nothing but emit Frank'n'Furter esque groans while making suggestive comments about the names in the credits.
* "Oh for the love of god, do something, you apprehensive, brain damaged...mouse-haired...sea cucumber!"
* This insight into Meyer's writing:
-->'''Carlisle:''' We didn't think it (Bella's pregnancy) was even possible.\\
'''Bill:''' [[TakeThat It's like someone's]] [[WritingByTheSeatOfYourPants making up the rules as she goes.]]
* "Go ahead, tell me what big teeth I have, everybody does!"
* During Bella's nightmare about her wedding day, where her human family and friends are all dead...
-->''(Bella raises her hand from her dress, and notices it's blood-stained)''\\
'''Mike (as Bella):''' Oh, today of ''all'' days!
* As Bella is shaving her legs during one of the pointless montages: "Somewhere the most disturbed man in the universe is saying 'That's not the razor Bella would use'".
* When Bella calls Edward and tells him she thinks she might be pregnant:
-->'''Bill (As Edward, thinking):''' Don't. Eat. Baby.
* During the wedding, as Bella walks down the aisle—outside, in broad daylight:
-->'''Bill:''' Wait, [[FridgeLogic shouldn't the groom and, like, half of the guests be sparkling right now]]?\\
'''Mike:''' So, now you're mad when the vampires ''don't'' sparkle''!?''\\
'''Bill:''' ''(frustrated)'' I don't—I don't know! ''I don't know what I want anymore!''
* During the "Birthing scene" when the trio catch the first sight of Renesemee's bloody emergence
-->'''Kevin:''' GAH!! [[Franchise/CthulhuMythos CTHULHU!!!]]

[[AC:Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2]]
* The guys simply cracking up at Aro's {{Squee}} over Renesmee, and saying they can't possibly make it any funnier.
** When Aro reads Edward's mind:
--->'''Kevin (as Aro):''' You like ''The Spin Doctors''! You have all of their albums, HA-HA-HA!
** And again, when Aro has that doofy, far-way, half-stoned look on his face while doing his telepathy trick:
--->'''Aro:''' ...Ahhh.\\
'''Kevin (again, as Aro):''' ...My lower back just cracked.
** While they're mind-reading Edward:
--->'''Bill (as Renesmee looking up at Bella):''' Mommy, is that the guy you said bats for the other team?
** Earlier, as a trio of them emerge from the shadows:
--->'''Kevin (as Aro):''' When we're done here, can we swing by the ''HelloKitty'' Store?\\
'''Bill (as one of the others):''' Oh, yes!\\
''(cue Frank 'n Furter Moans)''
** And later the mass Frank 'n Furter Moan when the Volturi's army appears
** And earlier, when they learn of Renesmee's existence:
--->'''Bill (as one of the Volturi when Irina walks into their chambers):''' Ick! A girl! What's a girl doing in "Gay Vampire Book Club"?!
* The culmination of five films' worth of mustache jokes, when Charlie declares of Jacob's wolf form "It's like some kinda full body mustache!"
* The sheer contempt and disgust they feel towards "Pedowolf" Jacob and the endless pedophilia jokes they hurl in his direction whenever he is on screen.
** For example, when Edward is defending Renesmee's nature as a hybrid, with Jacob protecting her in the background by their car:
--->'''Edward:''' She has blood in her veins! You can feel her warmth.\\
'''Mike:''' Not you, Jacob!\\
'''Bill (as Jacob):''' Aw, come on!
** And of course:
--->'''Bella:''' YOU NICKNAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE ''LOCK NESS MONSTER''!?!\\
'''Bill:''' [[SarcasmMode It's the nickname that is the issue. Not the fact that a werewolf is perving on your newborn.]]
** Also:
--->'''Bella:''' ''(to Renesmee)'' I'll never let anybody hurt you. ''(kisses Renesmee)''\\
'''Kevin (as Bella):''' But I ''will'' let the guy who used to stalk me hang around and child-bride you if he wants.
** And:
--->'''Bill (as Jacob):''' Must get to Alaska! Age of consent... only ''16''!
* "Greetings, blood-rich human progenitor. I mean, hi dad."
* This little gem:
-->'''Edward:''' It's painful, but it's bearable.\\
'''Mike:''' His review of their marriage so far.
* When [[ConspicuousCGI CGI Renesmee]] first shows up:
-->'''Bill:''' Jack-Jack from ''WesternAnimation/TheIncredibles'' looked less digital than this thing!
** And later:
--->'''Charlie:''' She has your eyes, Bella.\\
'''Mike:''' Its like someone photoshopped your eyes onto her face.
** And even later still, when Renesmee is a bit older:
--->'''Charlie:''' Look at you, you've grown half a foot!\\
'''Mike:''' It's stickin' out of your neck, revolting!
** When Charlie first sees Renesmee. "My god, she's-she's ''animated''."
* When the wolves sense incoming vampires:
-->'''Jacob:''' Whoever's coming wasn't invited.\\
'''Kevin:''' His special psychic super-power is "e-vite response awareness."
* As the credits roll:
-->'''Bill:''' We will see you back at [=RiffTrax=].com for ''Literature/FiftyShadesOfGrey''!\\
'''Kevin:''' OH GOD ''NO''!!! NOOO!!!\\
'''Mike:''' NOOOOOOOOOO!!
* Bella and Jacob talking in the car:
-->'''Bella:''' 27 vampires...\\
'''Mike:''' ...[[ShockSite one cup.]]
* Every time Emmet opens his mouth, it's always followed by one of the Riffers snapping at him. For example:
-->'''Emmet:''' ''(just as Jacob's about to explain "imprinting")'' This should be good.\\
'''Bill:''' Damn it Emmet, who gave ''you'' a line?!
** And later on:
--->'''Emmet:''' Done already?\\
'''Bill:''' Damn it Emmet, stop saying the lines!
** And even later, when they're discussing Renesmee:
--->'''Emmet:''' We're not even sure she ''is'' a newb-\\
'''Bill:''' Damn it, who gave Emmet another line?!
* After Bella and Edward are "intimate" for the first time after her transformation:
-->'''Bella:''' ''(to Edward)'' You really ''were'' holding back before.\\
'''Mike:''' With the post-coital sobbing, that is.
* At the end of the "fight":
-->'''Kevin (as Edward):''' ...Did we mention she's named "Renesmee"?\\
'''Bill (as a Volturi):''' THE CHILD MUST DIE!
* At the beginning when Bella and Edward are once again issuing mumbly declarations of love and Kevin's frustration at how repetitive this is
-->'''Bella''' I love you...\\
'''Edward''' I love you...\\
'''Kevin''' [[SarcasmMode Oh, they love each other?!]] Well, that hadn't been made clear to me over the course of the eight hours of film leading up to this ''(speaking in an increasingly enraged and frustrated tone)'' which consisted entirely of these two... IDIOTS!!! SITTING IN A FIELD OF BUTTERCUPS!!! '''MUMBLING ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY LOVE ONE ANOTHER!!!!!'''
* Their irritation with Garrett never shutting up about how he was in the American Revolution, until finally they just have him say apropos of nothing, "Crispus Attucks, my dear. Crispus Attucks."
* When the Volturi kill Carlisle and the other characters charge forward in rage;
-->'''Kevin (as Edward):''' My fake daaaaad!\\
'''Mike and Bill (as everyone else):''' That guy's fake daaaaad!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:X-Men]]
[[AC:X-Men]]
* During the opening scene:
-->'''Mike:''' Oh...Oh, do you really get to use the Holocaust in your silly little comic book movie?\\
'''Bill:''' It doesn't seem fair, but I guess they're doin' it...
* On Wolverine's facial hair:
-->'''Mike:''' You know, I don't think the Martin Van Buren mutton chops quite cut it anymore, now that it's not 1825 and all."\\
'''Bill:''' I think he should try a beard with no mustache for a fresher, more 1863 look.
* "Shouldn't he get back to the University of Michigan and start ''being their mascot''?"
* "Cerebro?" "Magneto?" "Yes, Cerebro." "Why, thank you, Magneto!" [[RunningGag "Hello, Cerebro." "Yes, Magneto."]] [[OverlyLongGag "Well, Magneto, I guess." "Cerebro."]]
* On Cerebro (their favorite thing in the whole movie):
-->'''Bill:''' Such a subtle name.\\
'''Mike:''' Yeah, he nearly called it "Brains A-Poppin'."
* A nice TakeThat at a certain other movie in the series:
-->'''Charles:''' This is a school for gifted mutants.\\
'''Wolverine:''' That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.\\
'''Mike:''' Then you've never seen ''X-Men 3''.
* This hilarious bit
-->'''Magneto:''' Because there is no land of tolerance. There is no peace. Not here or anywhere else. Women and children, whole families destroyed. Simply because they were born different from those in power. \\
'''Mike:''' Fine, you can marry your boyfriend.
* When Senator Kelly starts squeezing his mutated head through the bars:
-->'''Mike:''' Well, mutant or not, that's just remarkable stupid!

[[AC: ''X-Men 2'']]
*
-->'''Magneto:''' ''(to Xavier)'' YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!!\\
'''Bill:''' Well now it sounds like Christmas at the Corbett home.

[[AC: ''X-Men: The Last Stand'']]
* When Beast returns to the X-Mansion...
-->'''Beast:''' Ororo, Charles!\\
'''All:''' [[KelseyGrammer AH!]] [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons SIDESHOW BOB!]]
* "[[Film/TheRoom "Oh hi, Alcatraz. Hope Chris R does not escape. Hahaha..."]]
** "Oh, hai, army of mutants!"
* Every single time they mimic Creator/IanMcKellen's voice. Campiness ensues.
* This line involving Creator/EllenPage's character
** [[Film/{{Inception}} "I'm going to architecture school, so..."]]
* Magneto trying to make an "I Will Survive" music video.
* After Bobby beats Pyro
-->'''Bobby:''' You never should have left [the school]!\\
'''Kevin:''' Nobody fed your fish and it '''died!'''
[[/folder]]
23rd Jan '17 8:35:46 PM jormis29
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'''Bill:''' Can't do it Kevin, gonna get in line for the [[Film/RogueOne next]] ''next'' [[Film/StarWars8 movie]]!

to:

'''Bill:''' Can't do it Kevin, gonna get in line for the [[Film/RogueOne next]] ''next'' [[Film/StarWars8 [[Film/TheLastJedi movie]]!
19th Jan '17 7:34:11 AM youfeelingluckypunk27
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to:

* "Ribbit."
19th Jan '17 7:22:39 AM youfeelingluckypunk27
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to:

* One of the riffers making WesternAnimation/SpeedyGonzales noises as Yoda is fighting Palpatine.
15th Jan '17 3:06:11 PM DustSnitch
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* "It's hard to look {{Badass}} posing next to a Volvo."

to:

* "It's hard to look {{Badass}} badass posing next to a Volvo."
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