All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

Holy Marriage, Batman!

Sora began narrating as she wrote, with a quiet but smooth tone, each word carrying a subdued musical amusement even Keiichi had never seen in her before. "As the prince and the witch stood close to kissing, the castle's doors flew open, and in strode the most beautiful young maiden of the kingdom. She was, um, a fairy, little sister to the queen of fairies, and she was a long time acquaitance of the young prince."

"Wait, the fairies never marry the prince either!" Makie had, for once, enough foresight to see what'd come next. "Fairies help the girl to get their man! They never get the man themselves!"

Sora looked over the pages, and a small grim aura seemed to surround her. "Are you saying women from my fam— I mean, the family of the fairies, don't deserve being loved?"

"Eh?" Makie blinked, puzzled by the apparent non sequitur.

Sora rasped, entering full Serious Business mode. "The Princess Fairy Chiu had taken care of the prince for a long time while the witch and the princess did nothing but minding their own petty concerns. She tended his wounds, protected him from harm, bathed him and fed him each morning. She always was there for him, and you know why? Because she truly loved him, with the kind of love that goes beyond infatuation, the kind that takes responsibility and doesn't treat things like a game. That kind of love."

Roberta seemed vaguely interested now.

"But..." Ayaka said, "B-But... the poor witch never was given a chance at—"

"'Are you going to marry her?' the fairy princess asked, with a heavy heart," Sora read dramatically from what she was writing just now. "'Because before you do, I have a confession to make! I've been proud and stubborn until now, but I can't hold my heart's will any longer! I LOVE YOU!'" She actually took her head back, on the verge of sobbing. "'And even my fair sister has blessed that love, because she's starting to find you cut— because she was impressed by your bravery at the battlefield today!'"

Keiichi was a bit worried now. "Sora, maybe you should just drop that..."

Sora kept on writing obsessively. "'Yes, I wish to marry you, but I'll understand if you reject me!' the poor princess fairy said! 'I'll just wish you the best of lucks in your future life and walk away sad and dejected to become a hikkikomori!'"

"Isn't that manipulation?" Ayaka asked.

"You mean like the witch's sob story? The princess never had to resort to anything like that! The human princess, I mean!" Makie muttered.

"The prince fell to his knees. 'Yes, Chiu-chan, let's marry!'," Sora all but cried now, holding the tears back. "So, unlike your poor old sister, you find happiness in love!'"

"Wasn't this an episode of The Fairly Oddparents?" Chao seemed amused.

"Canon Discontinuity!" Ayaka called out.

"I demand for a retcon!" Makie tossed her hands up.

"The prince and the fairy had a splendid wedding, attended by her sister and all her loyal friends," Sora continued, much more sedate again after hitting the climax. "But since the fairy was a warm and kind person, she set her two rivals up with other good men to marry. She engaged the pink haired princess with... um..." she tried to think of a good alternative, until she settled for the boy they'd met in the woods earlier today. He didn't seem to be a really bad boy, agression problems and rampant sexism aside. "Another young prince, who had really cute puppy ears and a tail he liked to wag!"

"I-I never said she was pink haired!" Makie blushed before going, "Huh, what? A dog prince?"

"Well, that's the kind of stuff you often see in cheap fantasy stories, ne?" Chao had to laugh.

"And they don't come much cheaper than this..." Yukihiro murmured.

"And the witch married, um, let's see..." Sora tried to think of anyone she'd seen having chemistry with Ayaka, and she only could think of a name.

"— another young princess from another kingdom, who cared a lot about her even if she didn't show it often!" she finished, stricken by inspiration. Even she could see the Foe Yay there after a few days of chaperoning the girls.

"... She married another girl?" Ayaka asked icily.

Sora nodded. "In 2017. Sorry, I meant 1017. And they all lived happily ever after, surrounded by peace and harmony for the rest of their lives."

"Wh-What kind of end is that?-!" Ayaka all but popped a vein. "It comes out of nowhere, skips over most of the questions, and the pairings at the end make no sense!"

Keiichi opened his mouth to make a meta comment, but decided against it since he wasn't that kind of character.

Sora smiled rather sweetly at everyone. "Now... Who wants a turn next?"

Chao sweatdropped. "I think I'll pass, thanks..."

"I'm not the writing type," Roberta said.

Keiichi sighed and extended a hand. "Okay, okay, I'll give it a spin too. I guess I can think of something else..."

"No ecchi!" Ayaka warned.

"I'm not going to write smut just because I'm a man!" he protested.

"Just making sure," the heiress said, again trying to sound polite.

"It's still a stinking end," Makie pouted. "I demand for a sequel or reboot or I'll never read your next work, Hasegawa-san..."

Negi really wished he'd asked Ayaka how to ride a horse without it destroying his groin. It wasn't something he couldn't take, but it was painful. That, and he felt awkward having to grab onto Louise since she was much smaller than he. It would've been easier if he'd just run along the damned thing, but he hadn't thought about it until after he was already down.

Louise was happy since there hadn't been a single complaint in the whole trip.

From a nearby window (with broken glass, naturally), Kirche spied the two on a horse as they rode away through the lonely road of yesterday. “I wonder where they are going...” She pouted as she recalled that all of her attempts to get an hour or two alone with Negi had ended in failure.

Mostly because of Louise. So, her path was set.

She had expected the silence spell, it was her standard procedure, so she didn't let it stop her from shouting out her orders. “Tabitha! We have to fly! Get ready!” Kirche yelled at the top of her lungs.

The blue haired girl, Tabitha, looked at her and proceeded to shake her head, her eyes still locked in her book.

“I know how important free days are for you...” Kirche began, pouting at her easy dismissal. “But I am in love!” And had Tabitha been one more prone to speech, she would've pointed out that she fell in love every twenty minutes. “But he ran off somewhere with that Valliere! I have to know where they are! You understand me, right?”

She shook her head.

“I have to follow those two! I can't do it without Sylphid!” she clasped both hands together and landed elbows first on Tabitha's bed. “PLEASE!”

Tabitha nodded once, closed her book and got on with it. She wasn't one for wasting motions, it seemed. It didn't take long for her whistle to attract a large blue winged lizard. A blue dragon.

“Which way?”

“I was kind of in a hurry then...”

Tabitha looked at her, still completely deadpan, before crawling up Sylphid's neck. “Horse. Two people. Don't eat.”

Kirche could have sworn the dragon sounded disappointed when it cried in response. Or maybe offended. It was hard to tell.

––

Negi was reminded of the Neo-Ostian Festivals he'd attended. The marketplace was busy, bustling with people running around, some carrying bags, some carrying tools and some carrying or being carried by animals. Although that one was an anomaly, since everyone else seemed to prefer walking.

He was actually kind of excited to see a marketplace that actually belonged to the middle ages instead of a facsimile of one. “It should be around... Past the Piemont Apothecary...” She ran a scrutinizing look across the store fronts, before locking on one which had a sign that resembled a weapon, a sword, sticking out of it. “There!”

The salesman had to be a rat hybrid. It was the only way Negi conceived someone could look so much like a rat. Though he did admit that the man's glasses reminded him of a very important fact. His own were dirty. He'd see what he could do about that later. A quick ocular inspection told him that he wouldn't be able to utilize the spears hanged around the store. Most of them were designed for single use, to impale a target and then pull a melee weapon.

“This is the most recent fad that the castle guards have commissioned!” the pipe smoking man attending the store spoke.

“You must have a sword bigger than this, right?” Louise said, lifting the thing with ease. It was a rapier, designed to be light. She had turned to Negi for confirmation, and he nodded.

“I need something larger. I am used to longer and heavier weapons.” Negi confirmed. “Not to mention, broader.”

“I want a larger one!” Louise then turned back to the shopkeeper ratman.

“Excuse me, miss, but the size is perfect for him.” the rat thing countered.

“Maybe, but I am used to vastly oversized weapons. I need something at the very least the length of my own height.” Negi explained, while taking the sword from Louise's hands. He took a step away from her and swung it a few times. It was a good weapon, but not his cup of tea.

The ratman smiled. “Very well, then.”

And his cup of tea was serious business, so Negi put the sword back in it's rack and turned to the counter. “Why are you buying me a sword, Louise?” Negi asked, tilting his head.

“Well, if you are going to protect me, you need a weapon.” Louise replied, and as Negi opened his mouth to answer that he didn't need a weapon, the store owner came back, apologizing for his tardiness.

He did, indeed bring with him a golden blade of considerable more length and width. Still nowhere near large enough, though, but that could be fixed.

“It's the best weapon in this store! It's a famous Germanian blade forged and enchanted by the master alchemist Shupei! This should cut through iron like butter!”

Negi took the weapon from his hands and prodded it with magic. The enchantments on the blade violently rejected his own magic. A big no no given his preferred style.

“I can't use this.” Negi said. “Not to mention, I assume it's also probably expensive.”

Just as a test, he swung it a couple times. It was awkward to swing around, but nothing he couldn't work with.

“Ah, but a great sword is more powerful than a castle!”

“While I agree, this is not a great sword. This seems more ceremonial than anything else.” Negi then briefly thought how prudent it was to replace a mage's staff with a weapon. The enchantment to create a magical focus wasn't the most complicated one out there, lord knows he'd once foolishly tried to analyze and recreate an artifact and those were insanely complicated, but he'd much rather have his actual staff.

“I don't need anything too expensive. Any normal sword will do.” Negi finally decided, turning to Louise. “Is that okay with you, Master?”

Louise furrowed her brow. “I only brought one hundred new gold...” She suddenly spoke.

“Ah, a decent sword starts at two hundred pieces!” The shopkeeper said, wagging his finger.

“Isn't there anything below one hundred?”

The shopkeeper grinned with the grin only vermin should be able to give. And Negi wasn't sure if rats could grin.

Then again, the sword he'd pulled to give Negi was pretty much perfect. A simple blade that didn't have anything too fancy on it. One touch had told him all he needed to know when the sword greedily drank his magic. If the thing was enchanted, then it had just the perfect enchantment, as it seemed extremely receptive to his input.

“Thank you, come again!” He said, waving as they left. He seemed sort of bitter, though, that his 'best' weapon had been ignored that easily...

“I just bought something really expensive!” Louise said, as she walked in front of Negi. He couldn't argue. Who knew just how much a hundred gold coins would be worth in a modern economy... “You don't understand the weight a gift from your master has!”

“On the contrary, Master. I greatly appreciate your gift.” And he did. It was his nature to do so. After all, when Evangeline had given him the ring, his fight had become that much easier. Now he had an excuse to use a sword! Well, a second one, anyway.

From way behind, Kirche and Tabitha followed, Kirche looking as if she were in thought and Tabitha utterly ignoring her. “That woman brought him here to buy him a gift and entrap his feelings! I want to see where this goes!” And join in if it went where she wanted it to go.

––

Much to her disappointment, at no point did it involve sexytimes. Though at least she got to introduce Negi to Tabitha... Or bring them to the same room, anyway, it was a start.

“You were following us!?”

“How pathetic, you only bought him that cheap sword!?”

He ignored their bickering, though he drew the line when Kirche wanted to drag him to the store to purchase something 'better', he was happy with what he'd gotten.

And then, when he'd been distracted for a minute, although he'd never admit he'd been staring at the same girl for longer than was proper, he noticed that both Kirche and Louise were pointing their wands at each other. This couldn't end well. Not in a closed room.

His Flans Exarmatio died in his throat, however, as he remembered the side effect that would have. He didn't need to finish, however, as the blue haired bespectacled girl that he'd been staring at waved her staff (a painful reminder of his own missing implement) and both wands were taken away from their owner's hands.

“Inside.” she said, before returning to her book.

They just went back to arguing. So it was that kind of relationship after all...

“Hello, my name is Negi Springfield, it's a pleasure to meet you.” Negi said, bowing noticeably, as Tabitha lifted her eyes from her book as an acknowledgment. That was enough for him. He was off in his own little world, to be quite honest. Why, you may ask?

He'd seen at the very least four different people at once. And he was feeling nostalgic.

Then he blinked. Kirche, curious, noticed how much Negi was staring at Tabitha. Then she went back to trying to claw Louise's eyes out.

“... Okay, I don't know wether to be angry that you woke me up, or if I should find this hilarious.”

That voice had come out of nowhere.

“Sword.”

Oh, right.

“Hey, you... You're my new owner, right?” the sword began speaking. “Hm, you don't look like much... Though if you have two women fighting over you then you can't be all that bad.” Thankfully, Kirche and Louise were too busy yelling at and pulling each other's hair to notice.

“Uh... Thank you?” Negi said, not sure if that was a compliment.

“What year is this? Wait, before that, where am I? ANSWER ME!” It tried to go for a heavy, ominous voice, but it only sounded mildly whiny.

“I think I like you.” Negi spoke, smiling widely. “Hello, my name's Negi.”

“Derflinger. We're partners now!”

Negi thought for a second. He had missed his own familiar dearly for a long time now. “Yeah... Partners...” and if he hadn't sounded so immensely nostalgic, then maybe Kirche and Louise wouldn't have stopped their fighting to stare at him.

He smiled, a sad smile that a clown would put on to fool a crowd.

Louise felt the curious need to slam her palm against her face. “Why am I surrounded by idiots!?”

“Karma.” Replied Tabitha, though she did so with such a low tone that it'd gone unheard.

In the deepest part of library island…

Negi woke up slowly. The sound of water lapping against a shore washed through his ears, slowly lulling him from dreams of being a rutabaga (don't ask). He felt exhausted and beaten to within an inch o his life. It was not unlike how he'd felt after the Grail War ended.

"Ugh…" he heard someone groan. “Did anyone get the name of the tsunami that hit me?”

“Ah… Set-chan… don’t, someone will see us…” someone else muttered.

“Ah… Aunt Miko… it’s so tight…” someone else muttered.

“Ah… Nodoka-chan… take me…” a third muttered.

Negi jerked awake the whole way, instinctively making sure he wasn’t hip-deep in someone. Nope, he wasn’t in anyone, though everything was up and running, so to speak.

Trying to think of Twilight to calm down, he looked around as the girls slowly began to wake up. “What is this place?” he asked looking around at the deep pools of water, the shelves full of books, pillars of tree roots, and what looked like buildings in the distance.

“This place is below the library?” Makie exclaimed, looking around.

“It’s incredible we survived, considering how high we fell,” Kaede observed, opening one eye slightly, her Sharinnegan spinning slowly as she scanned the area before closing her eye again. “And why’s it so bright? The walls are glowing.”

“Oh that’s normal library ecology,” Yue said, reaching into her bag and drawing out a Dessert Eagle and sliding the mechanism, then slipped it into her holster. “Be sure to keep an eye out everyone, there might be Mimics about.“

“What?” Negi said, alarmed.

“Nothing to worry about sensei, just don’t touch any treasure chests you see. They’ll eat you.”

Asuna paused, stared at that treasure chest she was kneeling in front of, and slowly backed away.

“Where are we?” Nanoha asked worriedly, looking around frantically.

Yue hummed. “There are legends about these places… I believe we are in one of the legendary underground reading room oases. Its underground, but designed to fill you with warmth light and peace… A paradise for book lovers!”

Yue turned to look at them, a scary look in her eyes. “The story goes that anyone who see these places never return alive…”

“WHAT?-!” Makie cried.

“Wait, if they died, who lived to tell the story?” Vita asked.

“Good point,” Konoka said. “Let’s hope you’re right… presuming we find a way to get out of here.”

“This is crazy!” Akane cried. “See, this is what you guys get for trying to take a shortcut to studying! At this rate, we’ll miss the test entirely!”

Ku, Kaede, Asuna, Yue and Makie brightened at the thought.

“That’s a bad thing!” Negi reminded them.

The five slumped. “Oh, yeah…” they sighed.

“Forget the test!” Akane said. “What if we never get out? Oh my god! I’m going to die!”

“Now, now, calm down,” Negi said. After all, he’d been in more immediately life threatening situations during the Grail War. He was good at keeping calm. “Worrying ourselves sick won’t accomplish anything.”

“RANMA!” Akane cried. “GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!-!-!-!-!”

There was silence as everyone sweatdropped and Akane listened intently. “Damn it,” she sighed, wilting.

Asuna patted her on the back. “Don’t worry. My brother isn’t as awesome as I am. It’s expected he wouldn’t just suddenly appear out of nowhere to rescue us.”

Akane sighed. “Yeah, I suppose not. I’m mean, he’s not a girl like us. He can’t be expected to be as awesome.”

---

Saotome Ranma looked down at himself. “I have breasts…” he said numbly. He reached up and squeezed. “Yup, I have breasts.”

She looked at her blue bracelet. She looked down at Defenestrated Hamster. She wrapped her arms around the Entrail Animal and held it close, tears coming to her eyes. “Thank you…” she cried.

She locked the door to the bathroom as she dashed in around her roommate. This would be a while...

Her roommate Katsuragi Keima didn’t notice a thing, too busy playing his dating sims to give a damn about the Real. He frowned at an email he’d just received. To the God of Conquest; I have heard rumors that you can conquer any girl…

Slightly incensed at the seeming provocation, he clicked ‘reply’…