All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

Chapter 16: Konoka dooms SHAFT's future anime adaptation with a random Chupacabras joke.

Chapter 17: Hot Evangeline and Chachamaru on Negi action.

Chapter 18: Asuna opens herself for a demand from PETA.

Chapter 19: Nodoka doesn't find strange Negi's talking to an ermine.

Chapter 20: Negi attempts to leave some kitties orphaned.

Chapter 21: Naruto doesn't guest star.

Chapter 22: Negi gets inside of a sick Evangeline.

Chapter 23: Evangeline gets hormonal treatment.

Chapter 24: Makie, Yuna and Ako treat Negi better than they'll do during the Sports Festival.

Chapter 25: A naked Evangeline takes a wet ride on Negi's staff.

Volume 4:

Chapter 26: Konoemon places Negi and his students in risk for not wanting to send Eishun an e-mail.

Chapter 27: We're led to believe the cheerleaders might ever have any importance whatsoever.

Chapter 28: Setsuna exists, bitches!

Chapter 29: Setsuna does her best to prevent Chao from ever existing.

Chapter 30: The Negima section of FF.Net has its Konosetsu fate sealed.

Chapter 31: Negi, Asuna and Setsuna take a subway ride marginally less dangerous than one at New York.

Chapter 32: The heroes beat up a naked woman.

Chapter 33: ... Illustration with a naked Chizuru. Who cares about the rest?

Chapter 34: Negi reveals being quite familiar with Shizuna's breasts.

Chapter 2: The Idiot Familiar?

It took long enough for Louise to wake up on her own, and truth be told, Negi was wary of waking her up early. After all, whilst he'd avoided angering him as of yet, he still wasn't completely sure if the familiar binding contract included a Geass or not. Personal experience dictated that Chamo was a terrible example, so he ignored it.

Since the only contracts he'd bothered to study had been demon binding contracts, he was wary of putting his one to the test. After all, there were many ways to enforce a contract and he wasn't looking forward to the possibility of immense pain being the one that worked out this one. Ending the contract wasn't an option, either, as it would entail killing her.

Though he wasn't particularly enchanted with the role he'd been given as a familiar, that wasn't his biggest concern. Whilst he'd need to learn how to clean and wash clothes, he wasn's averse to helping her as he could, the problem included the fact that he'd left an entire world hanging.

There was nothing to do about it, however, the contract is absolute, or so Louise said when he asked. His musings were beginning to distract him, however, from the fact that the pinkette was rousing from her sleep.

“W-Who are you..?” She seemed to still be half asleep when she did wake up

“Good morning.” He said, smiling and bowing to his 'master', as odd as it felt to do so. If he was gonna be a familiar, then he was going to be the best damn familiar he could be. That was the way he'd been taught to live, after all, and he knew that the best option was to take after Chachamaru for this. “Your clothes, Master.”

He placed a neatly folded pile of clothing that contained a scandalously short skirt, a button up shirt, a pair of panties and a pair of socks. The fact that she seemed to posess no bras reminded him of a very important fact. A fact that sent a chill down his spine when she yawned and tried to rub the sleep off her eyes.

She... She was just like...

So THAT was why he was so strangely subservient. He had to admit, it was a damn good reason to be. “Ah, my familiar...” Though she still seemed barely conscious. “I summoned you yesterday...”

“Indeed.” he said, before turning around. Because he was a gentleman and his manners dictated that he not watch a woman changing if he could help it at all. That, and it was unsettling. She was really childlike in appearance, and the parallels to another loli he knew were really starting to scare him. He just prayed she didn't have her fashion sense.

“Dress me.”

“Wha?” He blinked. Once, twice. She wasn't kidding. “I am a man.”

She smirked, evilly, and now he was scared. “What are you saying? You are just a lowly familiar.”

A lowly familiar? She didn't seem to like him much. Or think much of familiars. “But I'm still a male familiar, Master.” Though it was hard to keep his composure with the now many parallels to Evangeline he could make out.

She wasn't going to have any of it. “When there's a servant available, a Noble would never dress herself!” … Really? He knew that would be the case if she was wearing a super elaborate dress that would've suffocated her if put on incorrectly, but the school uniform she wore seemed fairly practical to him...

He hung his head from his neck and resigned to his fate. It would be hard to do so while trying not to offend his own sensibilities. It was a while before he was done, after he'd realized that while she was cooperating, he had absolutely no skill dressing females. His companions were frequently self sufficient enough to do that even while barely capable of walking and with titanic hangovers.

He was just thankful he hadn't had to dress her in an insanely elaborate elegant gothic lolita style dress. He did have to admit, when she wasn't channeling Evangeline, she was sort of cute. Then again, it wouldn't do to add more people to his harem.

“Let's go.” And once again lapsing into Chachamaru's usual role, he followed her from one step behind.

"Once upon a time," Makie narrated aloud, dreamily, as she began writing on the newfound book, "There was a beautiful princess who loved a young prince a lot..."

Sora looked up from her half-eaten finger nails. "Oh, I think I know that story!"

"Isn't it the start to 50% of all fictional stories?" Ayaka asked.

"A-hem!" Makie rasped cutely, tapping on the pages with the feather's tip for effect. "The prince rode to the princess' castle one day, to ask for her hand in marriage. However, the princess had been kidnapped by an evil witch who bullied her all day long, telling her she failed at life and at being a beautiful princess!"

"I think I heard this story a few times at the orphanage," Roberta briefly mused, as dry as ever.

Makie grew more enthusiast, writing faster now. "But the Prince had no fear! He drew his sword and cut through the witch's henchmen, cutting them to bloody ribbons of flesh and gore!"

"Okay, no more late night cable for you," Ayaka told her.

"Finally, the Prince confronted the evil Witch!" Makie was all but panting now. "He pointed at her with his sword and said 'Free my girlfriend, Iin— Evil witch! Or else, I'll forget I'm a British gentleman!' And the witch laughed, 'OHHH HO HO HO! Come to me, young prince, because I'm going to—'!"

Ayaka, with a delicate snort, reached over and yanked the book from Makie with a single tug of a hand.

"Hey! Give that back!" the gymnast whined.

The Class Rep shook her head. "You're telling the story too haphazardly, Makie-san! You go way too fast, without explaining the events, and your dialogue is frankly childish! Please let me show you how it's done..."

"No! It's my tale!" Makie protested. "Iincho, you're mean!"

Ignoring her, Ayaka hummed sweetly and began writing. "Suddenly, the Witch stopped laughing and her tone became sad and distant. 'Oh!' she said, revealing her true form as an angelic vision of beauty with long golden hair. 'The truth is, fair prince,I always admired you in silence! But this evil little wench had spreaded lies and slander about me, and took over the throne that rightfully was mine! She casted me out of my own kingdom and seduced you with her false innocence, and I had to learn the arts of magic to claim my fair revenge!'"

"What a shock! A complete twist of events! Who would've thought the sweet princess would be the actual villain?-!" Sora gasped and gasped.

Ayaka smiled smugly as she wrote. "Moved by her story, the prince knelt before her, streaming copious tears of sympathy. 'Fair enchantress,' he said, 'I apologize over all the pain I caused you! Truly, my eyes were blind to the truth all this time! How can I ever repay you for these years of suffering?'"

"Ojou-sama, you're a master storyteller," Roberta praised.

"I think the Mary Sue Litmus Test is crying in a corner," Chao sounded amused.

Ayaka breathed harder now, her writing becoming faster and almost frantic. "And the lovely sorceress replied, 'Why, you'd make me the world's happiest woman if you married me!'"

"EEEEEHHHH?-! But he was going to marry the princess! He can't change his mind like that! He'll reject the witch, right? I mean, they just met!" Makie yelled.

"Don't be silly, Makie-san. I thought you were, if nothing else, knowledgeable about fairy tales. In those stories, this happens all the time! Prince Charming asked for Snow White's hand in marriage right after she woke up, and they'd never met before that!" Ayaka argued.

"Come to think about it, Prince Charming was kind of a creepy guy, wasn't he?" Keiichi asked.

"Sempai!" Sora told him.

"I mean, here's a guy who's riding alone through the forest, sees a dead girl surrounded by dwarves in mourning, and his first instinct is kissing the corpse, and when it wakes up, he asks for its hand, despite not even knowing its name..." he exposed.

All the girls gave her that stare. Even Roberta.

"What did I say?" he asked.

"Men," they all chorused before going back to the discussion.

"Who has ever heard of a fairy tale where the prince marries the witch?" Makie protested. "It has to be the princess!"

"It's brilliant because it's a deconstruction of the genre!" Ayaka argued. "But I suppose that's too innovative for your narrow mind!"

"The genre conventions exist because of a reason!"

"Oh ho ho! Those words are too big for you! Are you sure you just didn't hear them in TV and are parroting them now without understanding their meaning?"

"I'll let you know I'm an expert on fairy tales! Daddy writes Children's Lit for a living, you know, and he taught me and Kagehisa-kun all on it!"

"I should know! He writes for our editorial! Father says he's a hack, but he sells because he appeals to the lowest common denominator!"

"That's it, Iincho! I'm not taking that, even from you! Maybe I'm no Asuna, but—!"

"Want to fight? Fine with me! But don't cry to me later!"

"Ojou-sama, you shouldn't fight in someone else's home..." Roberta spoke.

"See? Even your maid knows you're mean and rude, Iincho!" Makie sobbed.

"Instead, wait until you have home advantage," Roberta went on.

"GAH! As expected from the evil maid!" Makie shouted.

Meanwhile, Sora coughed and took the book for herself, which made both classmates stop their arguing and look at her. Since she still was their chaperone, they didn't turn on her, but they still watched warily how Sora took the feather to the pages. "Now, now, let's all calm down. While I'm not very good at telling stories, I'll try my best to show you what a real fairy tale should be about. About understanding, and love, and warmth, and happiness..."

"Are we still talking about the same genre where wolves eat little girls and their grandmothers and the evil stepmothers are punished by being forced to wear shoes of hot iron until they die in pain and agony?" Keiichi asked.

"Please shut up while I narrate, Sempai," Sora asked quietly.

"... Yes, Sora," he had to say. Wow, this was new. She almost sounded like her little sister now...