. . . II . . .
From the other side of the door came yet another knock. “Hey, hey. Is it ready yet?”
Miranda opened her eyes and sighed. “For crying out loud, Adrian, how is that you can be valedictorian of our class and still not be able to wrap your mind around the concept of-.” She opened her hands to the air in front of her, eyes wide in feigned shock. “-‘five to ten minutes!’?”
She rested her head against the door. “Patience. Faith. Serenity.”
“I’m a doctor, not a saint,” came his voice, deep in a De Forest Kelley imitation, and she couldn’t help but snort in laughter. “Seriously though, don’t you want to at least come out? What have you been doing in there?”
“What do you think I’ve been doing?” She placed it on the bathroom counter, and flipped on the faucet. “It was your idea to make me drink a few gallons of water. I just barely finished.”
“I only made you drink one-and-a-half gallons, for your information, and it’s not like we had a choice. You retain water like a sponge. If we ever run low on cash, I’m gonna rent you out for people needing a ride across the Sahara.”
Miranda chuckled. “I’m sorry, but there are so many things wrong with what you just said. And for the record, we will never run low on cash,” and her eyes happened to flicker down, “because you’ll never guess who just got a…”
The water flowed smoothly down her frozen hands.
“…Andi?” Adrian’s voice seemed far away. “Andi, is everything okay?”
She flung open the door, meeting his wide eyes with her own. Without a word, she produced the test, a small thermometer shaped thing made of white plastic.
White, save a faint pink cross in its center.
Adrian’s mouth opened, closed, making him look remarkably like one of his fish. When words returned to fit the movements of his lips, they were breathless and slow. “Holy…shit…” An incredulous smile shook on his lips. “This is…is…” He suddenly gave a slight frown. “Is this…okay?”
Miranda’s eyes hadn’t lost that stunned, far away stare. “Okay?”
“I-I mean, are you okay, with this? Do you want this? I mean, I know you…here, come sit.” He gently took her by her elbows, guiding her carefully to their loveseat. “I mean, I know it’s only been a year since we got attendance, and I know you wanted to wait a bit before…before having…”
‘“Parents.”
“What?”
“Parents.” Syrup-slow, she lifted her eyes to his. “Adrian, we’re parents.”
There was a second of silence between them, before Miranda broke into a huge grin, launching herself into Adrian’s arms with a whoop. The two fell back on the couch, collapsing with laughter and grins into their new life.
A really good vignette. Somethings stood out to me as a little off, most notable this sentence:" She threw the car into reverse and carefully settled into a spot. " Why would she be violent and then careful? the verbs didn't seem to match. Keep an eye out, that was just an example—there are a few places like that.
Amateur cook Professional procrastinator
^ Usually when I think of putting te car in reverse, I just think "throwing it into reverse" as the term most people use. But I can change that. Thank you, I wouldn't have noticed it on my own. C:
Removing. See last post for reasons.
edited 22nd Dec '10 1:59:02 PM by Latia
Removing. See last post for reasons.
edited 22nd Dec '10 1:59:10 PM by Latia
Removing. See last post for reasons.
edited 22nd Dec '10 1:59:20 PM by Latia
Removing. See last post for reasons.
edited 22nd Dec '10 1:59:30 PM by Latia
Those dreams are a Mind Screw... but good job on this. I suppose I know what Bernstein is going to tell her, but I'll wait and see.
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Removing. See last post for reasons.
edited 22nd Dec '10 1:59:39 PM by Latia
Removing. See last post for reasons.
edited 22nd Dec '10 1:59:48 PM by Latia
To everyone who commented or read this story, thank you so much, you have no idea how much it means to me. But I am trying to remove most of writing from the Internet, since I hope to eventually publish it. I can leave the first bits but not the entire thing.
On the off chance anyone would like to see it, I wouldn't be adverse to emailing it to you for feedback.
Again, thank you so much. <3
edited 22nd Dec '10 2:01:33 PM by Latia
. . . I . . .
Really, the most troubling thing about the whole ordeal had been the dreams. Miranda’s dreams were often vague and whimsical, with her never remembering anything aside a few amusing fragments for her to recall to Adrian over coffee. It was…it was if she had plastic wrap stretched around her in dreams. As if she grew a second layer of thin transparent skin that let nothing sink in deep enough to make an impact.
Miranda made a lazy right into the parking lot.
Recently, it was if something had torn away the plastic wrap, and she felt strangely vulnerable without it. Now she remembered every bit of her dreams with almost disturbing lucidity, something she had never done in her entire life.
But that was the only thing the ordeal had really changed. And really, it wasn’t like they were bad dreams or anything. Not good ones either, just…well, dreams.
She threw the car into reverse and carefully settled into a spot.
Last night saw the return of one she hadn’t seen since medical school- the dream of her and Adrian living in a black-and-white 50s sitcom, à la Andy Griffith. Every time she had the dream in the past, she had been profoundly disturbed to see that, in that twisted dreamverse, she was a quaint little housewife who spent her days smiling at people and baking domestic little pastries. Adrian would lose his long ponytail in exchange for hilariously unironic pipe.
But back in school, the dream had been hazy. Now she saw every detail, smelled the cakes (slightly burnt), saw the wax-wane, wax-wane of the smoke trailing from Adrian’s pipe. But the one thing that stood out in her mind most was the three seats at the dinner table, and the fact that when they sat down, neither of them touched their plates. They simply sat and stared at the empty seat, which swam in her vision through the web of undulating pipe smog like a mirage, so small, so empty.
Miranda turned the key, and the car fell silent.
And then there were the dreams that were just plain strange. Two nights ago she had dreamed of being alone in Adrian’s office, the only light coming from his aquarium of tin-hued fish. Suddenly, a tick...tick...tick noise started from somewhere, louder than a clock.
She had panicked, scrambling through the mess of papers and files on his desk, tossing manila folders pinwheeling in the air as she grew more and more desperate to find the sound. Then, struck by sudden epiphany, she ran over to the fish tank. Sure enough, sunken into the aquarium’s sandy bottom was a large, slightly trembling egg that let out a cascade of bubbles with each tick.
Miranda fished it out, and the ticking which had grown louder with each passing second suddenly ceased. The egg gave a violent shudder, and Miranda suddenly realized that, somehow, she had saved it from drowning. She soothed it, stroking its pebbly surface, textured like a river stone. It’s okay. It’s okay.
She had woken up with tears in her eyes.
But dreams were dreams. And this was reality, and this was the parking lot of the local H-E-B. She needed to get out of the car before she burnt to a crisp. Spring had come early, and the Texan sun had returned along with it. It was a beautiful blue day. The tree that shaded her car had opened its new flowers to the cool air. Everything was perfect.
She inhaled.
One minute, she told herself, letting her head rest on the steering wheel. One minute you get to remember. She closed her eyes.
edited 19th Sep '10 6:41:08 PM by Latia