Personnel Files of Her Majesty's Occult Service (Laundry RPG Signup)

Don't go wandering in the Stacks alone. It's a dangerous place to be. Not because it's dark (though it is, often). Not because of the zombies (Redsidual Human Resources, please! They don't like the z-word.) that prowl its depths, pushing their library-carts with geassed intent. Rather, because the stacks are so huge.

Turns out running the world's first ISO-9001 certified intelligence agency requires a lot of paperwork. When that agency does battle not only with the ill intent of other, more questionable frenemies ^* the world of espionage, it has been said, is one where "enemy" is defined as "the collection at the back of the Rolodex", but also with squishy things from beyond the realm of human comprehension, that paperwork goes up by several orders of magnitude. For example, each agent has roughly a hundred forms on their initial inprocessing alone, and anywhere from a thousand for desk jockeys all the way to several hundred times that for the extremely lucky and long-lived field agents. Thankfully, someone had the presence of mind to realize that not everyone wanted to read every piece of paper to get an idea of an agent's capabilities, and thus HR Form 100247 was born: a brief summary of an agent's biography and capabilities ^* The irony of a form intended to reduce bureaucracy instead merely adding to the paperwork to be done was lost on the intrepid creator of HR Form 100247..

• Name

• Age

• Gender

• Equipment Certifications [Please note that all Laundry personnel are, by default, certified for use of standard-issue Warrant Cards. Please include all defensive wards here.]

• Weapon Certifications [Please include all offensive magic equipment and incantations here.]

• Psychological Profile

• Summarized Biography [Please find full article in HR Form 2462, Personnel Background Check Findings]

• Circumstances of Induction [Please provide sufficient details about the reasons and circumstances for subject's induction into the Laundry. ADDENDUM 23/08/14 Due to reduced hiring directive, "The agent saw something squiggly" is not longer a sufficient reason.]

HR Form 100247

HR PAM 12-1, "Frequently Asked Questions by Newly Inducted Agents"

• What is the Laundry?
  • More formally Her Majesty's Occult Service, we are descended from the more well-known Special Operations Executive during World War Two. TO put it briefly, we spun off into an independent agency after the war and have been protection Her Majesty's Government, The United Kingdom, the bits of the world with oil under then, and the rest of the world (in that order) from the unpleasantly-angled intruders from outside conventional spacetime. That is your job now. Congratulations.

(For the official Laundry inbriefing document, see here.)

• Something very large and very squamous just tried to tear my soul out of my body and suck it like a particularly flavorful Fruit Punch-flavored Cool Aid. What?
  • (Note to briefing agent: The above question may, in some cases, be posed with significantly more profanity than is professional for a Laundry agent. As they are not yet accustomed to the culture, please be patient and advise them to reduce the usage of offensive vocabulary) The Thing you saw before the men with rune-carved guns arrived was Something From Outside, a creature which does not agree with conventional spacetime and finds human brainmeat a delicious treat. Technically it doesn't like the meat, but that is a much easier way of explaining it than saying "it gains a foothold in the local spacetime by running iterations of its Dho-Na curve on human processing cycles."

• What's all this about "computational demonology?"
  • It's a very long and very classified story, but suffice it to say that Mr. Gilman of Miskatonic University was not too far off. Certain mathematical formula can do funny things to reality. The most common forms of this effect are entropy manipulation, interdimensional gates, and variants thereof. Anything else, at this moment, is above your clearance level. But back to the main point: Math can affect reality, and thus it follows, the faster you can do math, the faster and more effectively you can execute computational demonology (or, as the traditional occultists call it, "cast spells." Of course this is a load of tosh, for as we all know, there is not magic, there is merely unexplained science.)

Agent Roster for Newcastle-upon-Tyne Office of Acquisitions:

edited 10th Sep '14 7:35:42 PM by Wysp

One Laundry field agent, coming right up. Forms like these are why he doesn't like to come to the office too often. (This is the summarized version of an honest-to-Cthulhu full Laundry character sheet, here.)

• Name: Udo Aachen
• Age: 53.
• Gender: Male
• Equipment certifications: standard-issue wards up to Class 4, +2 Smartphone of Shiny, kinetic defensive bindings depending on missions.
• Weapon certifications: Unconventional weapons up to COWEU-4, firearm-certified, et cetera.
• Psychological Profile: you tend to pick up nightmares after a few years in the field: in this case, things got bad enough that there's a portion of Aachen's memories that are permanently off-limits to him; only his manager—Gerald Lockhart in Externalities—is authorized to unlock those memories. Still, for all that he's taken some pretty serious SAN damage through the years, Udo is bearing up quite well: fussy and detail-oriented in that especially Germanic way, and woe betide the poor agent who deviates from procedure. To all appearances, a bureaucratic stuffed shirt, counting out the days until retirement. EXTERNAL ASSETS CLEARANCE REQUIRED TO READ FURTHER EVALUATION.
• Summarized Biography:
  • Udo Aachen was born and raised as a East German national. Out of secondary education, Aachen joined Department XX of the infamous Staatsicherheit, spying on internal dissidents. As it happened, a fair number of dissidents were academics, and a tiny number of those academics studied some rather esoteric texts—like the Professor of Literature that Feldwebel Aachen was assigned to eavesdrop upon, who managed to come across a genuine copy of the Unaussprechlichen Kulten, and who talked to herself as she studied the text. What Aachen overheard on assignment in 1985 was more than disturbing enough for him to bring it to his superiors' attention (not to mention the nightmares); it became evident to him that there was more to the tome, and more to the professor's conclusions, than the ravings of madmen. Aachen found himself unable to get rid of the presentiment that the professor, and her unknown student, had stumbled upon some terrible truth. Unfortunately, said superiors had no time for occult nonsense, being rather more focused on the important questions: did the professor's studies contravene the tenets of Marxism-Leninism, did they properly glorify the German Democratic Republic, how much would West Germany pay for her asylum if they arrested and interned her, et cetera.
• Circumstances of Induction:
• Faced with the options of a) shutting up and forgetting all about it—which was no more of an option than forgetting the face of a Great Old One, or b) getting demoted for being a troublemaker and spending his days literally washing the Stasi's laundry, Udo chose c) and proceeded to smuggle himself out of East Berlin into the West, in the hopes that someone there would be able to help. Luckily, his path took him right by the British embassy, and there he was formally picked up, debriefed, and inducted into Her Majesty's Occult Service.
  • Since then, Udo Aachen has been in the Laundry for 29 years. 23 of those were spent as a field agent, and REDACTED were spent in his current department, Externalities, which tracks stationery and memoranda passed to other offices. EXTERNAL ASSETS CLEARANCE REQUIRED TO READ FURTHER SERVICE HISTORY.

Other notes: in the course of his career, Aachen has further honed his skills as a surveillance specialist, mostly with conventional gear (laser and ordinary microphones, microdrones, bugs), but also with some degree of occult methods.

edited 13th Sep '14 5:58:10 PM by SabresEdge

• Name: Rosella Lacy
• Age: 25
• Gender: Female
• Equipment Certifications:
  • Standard wards to Class 3, database systems, demolition materials, CAD, mechanical computers
• Weapon Certifications:
  • Assault Rifles
  • Pistols
  • SCORPION STARE classed devices
• Psychological Profile:
  • For someone diagnosed with a 100% fatal brain tumor that was discovered by rendering several co-workers quite dead, Miss Lacy appears to this evaluator to handle the strain "well". She remains upbeat in the face of what could definitely be classed as adversity and even seemed little phased by CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN. A deeper evaluation reveals that these are genuine expressions of emotion despite the marked change in personality. This evaluator believes them to be the result of a deep seated fatalism related to her condition. Medical sees little reason not to clear her for field operations, however, as said fatalism is not expressed in seriously hazardous ways. It is recommended however that she be sent to no further courses on dealing with stress via humor (see endorsement from A. Hardwick, Inhuman Resources).
• Summarized Biography:
  • Rosella Amanda Lacy, Liverpool native, daughter of well respected but undistinguished NHS professionals. Graduated with moderate distinction. Degree in Architecture, focusing on historic structures. Employed by the National Trust straight from schooling. Well respected expert on 20th century historic structures and Napoleonic fortifications with no known interests in computational demonology or the occult. Started feeling ill in [REDACTED] after [REDACTED] but escaped notice from the Cleaners until after the incident.
• Circumstances of Induction:
  • Subject RED SAXON ("Rosella Lacy") was taken into Laundry custody at the Derbyshire office of the National Trust after dialing 111 to report that she had turned several office personnel into ashes with 'Bloody [REDACTED] eye lasers!'. The presence of a Gorgonism inducing tumor was confirmed after RED SAXON was sedated and received an MRI. The Subject immediately volunteered for employment with the Capital Laundry Service when given the choice of that or hospice care for the rest of her natural life.
  • Since induction and completion of field training, RED SAXON has been employed by Field Support and other divisions as a cost saving measure versus SCORPION STARE deployment for routine or remote operations per austerity measures.

HR Form 100247

edited 11th Sep '14 6:08:25 PM by hotelkilo

Do our characters have to be human? I ask because I have an idea for a non-human character.

If you're not human, you'd better be at least a Laundryverse non-human sapient (Ghouls, Deep One/Blue Hades hybrids, gorgons (of which we have one already), et cetera). There aren't all that many to choose from.

If you're familiar enough with the Laundryverse to know how to play one of those, of course, things could get interesting.

What exactly is your idea? The Laundry is an already-established 'verse, so you'd have to pick from something extant in it, but I'm willing to work with your idea to make it fit.

Extremely low-grade humanoid abomination that actually has a soft spot for humanity in its leg-based hearts?

I'll be throwing my hat into this.

@ daird: Well, most alien horrors tend to find human brain delicious, but I could certainly see the Laundry employing an eldritch abomination in a human body, geassed up to its eyeballs and masquerading as a human (anything about its true nature, of course, would be classified under a code word). The question being, what is its unique capability that made the Laundry decide it was worth keeping rather than exorcising?

@ maxyrama: Looking forward to it.

edited 11th Sep '14 8:44:53 AM by Wysp

Well, I think you gave me an out. "If you don't exorcise me, I'll work for you. Purely out of the interest of saving my own ass."

Well, it would need some unusual skill, like extensive skill in necromancy, gates, etc.

TO clarify, there needs to be a compelling answer as to why the Laundry's risk evaluators would say "yes, this is worth keeping a many-angled one from beyond the stars here to help us rather than being safe and sending it back."

edited 11th Sep '14 9:30:58 AM by Wysp

If he does go with a bound many-angled one, I suggest the codename Teacake.

More seriously, playing as a bound abomination presents its own list of unique features, starting with the fact that you're probably going to be geassed up to the eyestalks to prevent you from jumping bodies each time you look someone in the eyes, or deciding that it'd be a fun idea to open a gate to Yog-Sothoth. SAN damage is probably not going to be a thing for you: you don't think like a human, so something that would corrode a human mind would not necessarily affect you. Finally, I doubt that mad sorcery skillz would really work in this case, especially if the player isn't that familiar with the Laundryverse.

Although an abomination-in-training may work: your character doesn't know much more about this 'verse than you do, but the prospect of learning the basics of siccing a shoggoth onto somebody seems like an interesting thing to learn. The great thing is that the Laundryverse has some pretty good 'easy entrances' for players who haven't read the books: you're a new hire who hasn't been cleared for all the codeworded secrets, so the player won't be forced into the situation where the character would know about, say, Scorpion Stare or Azorian Blue Hades, but the player wouldn't.

edited 11th Sep '14 11:13:50 AM by SabresEdge

The key thing I'm trying to avoid is a loss of his/her/its free will. If you can make that work, I can adapt to just about any requirements the 'verse has. As for unique abilities, how about this: Malleable Form- can shapeshift, but must keep mass and volume the same.

By being in the Laundry, there are limits to everyone's free will. The Oath of Office is a really big deal: abuse your power, and your brain will boil in your skull well before you die. Within the constraints posed by the geas and by your terms of service ('thou shalt not betray the Laundry to the media/the Black Chamber/things with too many angles'), though, I'd think you would have free will.

Okay, then. Here we go.

Human: Jennifer Smithson

Age: 25

Equipment Certification: Standard Class 3 wards, standard smartphone

Weapons Certification: Proficient with automatic rifle and shotgun

Personality Profile: Surprisingly well-adjusted, considering presence of mental entity. (Translation: sanity hanging by an extremely slim thread). Despite this, she has a bright, cheery personality and a constantly present sense of humor.

Summarized biography: Jennifer was a perky, unemployed goth girl with no sense of direction in life when she got her hands on a book whose title translates to "The Tome of The Damned", at least near as her handlers can figure. Agents were dispatched to her Manchester home, but by the time they got there, she had already become a vessel for a being named Coxikal. Preparations were made for an exorcism, but shockingly, Jennifer herself got on her knees and begged to keep contact with the being.

Circumstances of Induction: After determining that it was Jennifer and not Coxikal making the request, the agents on site decided that they couldn't banish Coxikal on ethical grounds. However, it was obviously unwise to let such an entity roam free without any restraints. An offer of induction was made, and both Jennifer and Coxikal accepted, though the latter did so rather reluctantly. She has served for three years, during which her only field experience was during the Glasgow Vortex, where her performance was satisfactory, but not spectacular.

Entity: Coxikal

Age: 18.6 billion

Gender: Neither, but prefers male pronouns

Equipment and Weapons: Whatever Jennifer has access to.

Special Skills

Omnilinguistic: When you're fluent in High Eldritch, even Japanese is a cakewalk by comparison.

Expert Necromancer: Capable of resurrecting and controlling multiple corpses at once

Extradimensional Connections: Coxikal has relationships with several other extradimensional beings and can often weasel information out of them. Making contact, however, takes a large amount of preparation and stress on the host's body.

Personality profile: Unlike most extradimensional beings, Coxikal has a healthy degree of respect and admiration for humanity. In particular, he is especially amazed by the human traits of improvisation and perseverance. As he puts it, "Rare indeed is the species that can face evidence of its own insignificance, accept it, and then commit itself to overcoming this insignificance." He understands that most agents are extremely wary of him, and for very good reason.

Circumstances of Induction: See Jennifer Smithson file.

Wysp says: "Feel free to help him out, I like the idea and want to use it, but I'm clocking out in about ten minutes."

So, in my capacity as surrogate GM and deputy assistant dogcatcher...I do like the idea as well. For now, discussion yielded the following possibility: in his default bound and geased state, he can't do more than class-1 magic and speak to his host. The geas can be temporarily unpacked by his immediate superior, though, and each time it's done he gains a little more power (can talk to others, can cause poltergeist activity, etc, climaxing in "can fully manifest with a bubble of his own reality"). The geas can be repacked by his superior in the field, and fully 'reset' at the office.

I'd like to note that higher-level magic is probably rather destructive to his host; a level-four Gate to elsewhere usually requires a supercomputer and a whole bunch of peripheries to run, and if you try to run it on human brainmeat the results won't be pretty. (I think we can save the lecture on Krantzberg Syndrome for later on in-universe. Basically: you really, really don't want to run mental magic whenever you can avoid it.) So, access to powerful magic, but in the best Cthulhu Mythos tradition, there's a price.

Think that'll work for you? And do you figure you can play as two PCs in one, assuming Jennifer still has her own personality?

edited 11th Sep '14 7:02:13 PM by SabresEdge

Okay by me. I think we've managed to work this out, and what's better, I can use this as a writing exercise for a story I'm working on, which is why I was so hellbent on keeping the character.

• Name: Marcellus Cerners
• Age: 24
• Gender: Male
• Equipment Certifications: Class 2 wards
• Weapon Certifications: Handgun qualified
• Psychological Profile: Exposure to minor eldrich knowledge has dented Cerners’ mental state a little; however he was rather robust in that department to begin with. However after that one outing he is terrified of chickens.
• Summarized Biography: Marcellus Cerners was a brilliant child; always years ahead of his peer group. As such it was inevitable that he would end up in some field on the cutting edge of science; in Cerners case it was Quantum Mechanics that he turned his eyes to: desperate to figure out how the universe actually worked.
• Circumstances of Induction: As Marcellus delved deeper into his research he eventually and inevitably came to the attention of the Church of Starry Wisdom; they demanded of him an invention, blueprints that made no sense but were to be built anyway. Parts that twisted uncomfortably to the eye and made the vision swim. Marcellus was made to labor upon the device—which he saw had some of the workings of a hypothetical quantum computer—for days upon end. As the device was almost complete the Laundry decided to step in. Given his competence and lack of screaming they decided to induct Marcellus into the service of the Laundry.

edited 14th Sep '14 9:35:39 AM by Livefox

Alright. daird, I'll approve your guy on two conditions: One, he's from an obscure corner of the multiverse that doesn't interact with anything else much. This is so we avoid headaches where he should know who certain major eldritch abominations are but doesn't. And two, I want your word that you will not abuse his powers.

Sabre, HK, and Livefox, we've already discussed your P Cs and they're fine.

Which reminds me, game topic should be going up shortly.

edited 14th Sep '14 9:50:00 AM by Wysp

Agreed on both counts.

Discussion topic, link to RP topic therein.

edited 14th Sep '14 7:00:16 PM by Wysp