Dwarf Fortress Succession Game III:Jawmetal

Edit: I dumb'd hard.

DURZA IS BEFORE ME. DURRR. Za.

Please ignore my durp.

edited 1st Apr '14 1:47:05 PM by Condorito

Oh, I'll get right on that. I think.

Durza's log. I caught Gand trying to give command of Jawmetal to Caspellaer today, but I've waited long enough to get someone who knows what the purpose of this fortress is to get back in charge, so I've had them both arrested to await questioning by the Inquisition. I've also decided to take over Bladebound's EXTERMINATUS project, since I'm not sure what he actually intended it to do and no mortal work could possibly hope to match the devestation that my project will unleash. Even HELLFIRE wouldn't be able to rival it once I have it finished. However, in order to keep the peasants happy, I shall also be embarking on another project, to be named at a later time. It shall consist of a wall around nearly the entire perimeter of Jawmetal, with almost all entranced ringed by traps so that everyone, even children can wander outside without fear. Doubtless, Viha shall oppose me regardless of any beneficial works I do, so I may have to deal with him. Perhaps I should simply explian that I did him a favour by awakening him to his metaphysical nature, but he probably wouldn't see it like that for some reason. I don't see why he's so put out about the deaths of a few pawns in any case. Everyone in this fortress is only here as fodder for me to use as I see fit.

Pity there was no longer a cell with a vampire in it for me to share, eh, Durza? The strength of your jaw must make you a perfect leader for Biting lessons.

Incidentally, it might not matter whether wagons can reach our site, considering all the wealth and resources of ours.

I could really use some more steel, though.

Because it's shiny.

Palladium is shinier.

If I wanted fancy nickel I'd be using fancy nickel! I wants me some armor makin' metal.

Are we playing from autumn to autumn now, by the way?

Durza's Log, Moonstone 265

2nd: Once again, I find Jawmetal littered with the remains of wars and dirty habits. In my efforts to clean up the fortress, I've designated nearly five thousand items for dumping and almost the same number to be melted. While going through the records, I also found a strange item. I have deduced that it is magma powered, and also that it never runs out of magma, but I cannot tell what it actually does.

10th: The God Emperor of Dwarfkind has been struck down in his prime by foul betrayers. As Emperor Regent until his heir comes of age, I that the Inquisition find the culprit and when we do, Viha Kirbonium will pay dearly. To the citizens of Jawmetal, I promise that they have nothing to fear if they have nothing to hide.

18th: Lor Zocollorbam has seized a craftdwarf's workshop.

20th: Bladebound has finally been laid to rest atop his golden throne. In order to prevent would be usurpers desecrating it, I have used- well, let's say it's holy magic. Certainly not demonic influence- to suspend the throne in midair so that none may reach it. Some doctors claimed that if it were on the ground, they could attempt to revive the Emperor, but they were swiftly unmasked as double agents and jailed.

Our investigations into Bladebound's death have only shown that he bled to death and that I had nothing whatsoever to do with it. Regardless, we have arrested Viha for the murder. His resistance proves his guilt, for an innocent man would not flee. Things got complicated when his rabble attempted to interfere, claiming they had the right to interfere, but as Emperor Regent I ruled that since they're citizens of Jawmetal and the Order of the Pick must investigate them all, our investigation supersedes theirs. Some claimed that this makes no sense, but after some digging it turned out that they were complicit in Bladebound's murder, so they were jailed as well. It's nice when these things work out neatly.

Opal 1st: I've had to cancel EXTERMINATUS. The volcano was getting in the way. I could level it, but so many would die in construction that killing the rest for my ritual wouldn't give me nearly enough power. In any case, HELLFIRE will achieve the same thing, just not as impressively.

4th: Lor has finished Senger Thilseg Nam, a dacite bracelet engraved with the image of a goblin hunting great beasts. Lor has been jailed for subversive artwork.

The farmers will be leaving the fields fallow for a while now, as we've run out of stockpile room and have more than enough food.

25th: A ghostly hammerdwarf has been following me around. I don't think I killed him, so I'm not sure what he wants.

I also found Gand standing on the trade depot, complaining he had no shoes. After some investigation, it turned out he was assigned to something called a sun room.

Obsidian 17th: A trio of snatchers turned up today. They also turned into slurry.

18th: An ambush. They managed to ambush a cat and are currently chasing it around outside, presumably shouting anti-cat propaganda.

In other news, something is rotten in the state of Jawmetal. It turned out that the rotten things arm various parts of giant flies and squirrels.

22nd: Another group of goblins ambushed and killed a farmer. ...is that less or more valuable than a cat?

Granite 1st: Viha Kirbonium VII has died. Of old age, I promise.

I mentioned, in Springtime, that I assigned myself to the Sun Therapy area for as long as was needed to do business at the trading post to subvert procrastination. Rather than shuffle objects around the stockpiles, I can come up with the right thing to say outside, and head directly to the depot.

Yet here I stand, my shoes falling to pieces around my very feet, and no actual trading took place. Did the magma announce a particular thirst for paperwork, Durza?

Now start the sacrifices to fuel the IMPERATOR! Blood for the God-Emperor! Skulls for the IMPERATOR! Let the heretic burn! Your God-Emperor commands it!

All I can promise is that there will be sacrifices. Who they will be to, I cannot specify.

As for Gand, he was standing in his tomb spamming job cancellations when I got the save, so it didn't occur to me that he was in a burrow.

Also, we now have five legendary lashers armed with silver whips and VK VIII and Bladebound II have been named. We also have ridiculous amounts of iron and steel that I can't see us ever using up, so I might make myself an iron throne from all those goblin weapons we've melted once I'm finished usurping Bladebound. Why did no one get around to butchering that dragon corpse, by the way?

edited 4th Apr '14 10:55:11 AM by Durza

I believe Bladebound the Younger will be happy to sign any piece of paper you give him, as long as he can use crayons when doing so. He is not that good at reading, though, so he would be fuzzy when it comes to the difference between "Imperial Execution Order for vihas VIII through XIII", "Durza's Great Demonic Sacrifice Ritual" and "Imperial Mandate for Toy Miniforges".

Of course, we all know that no one would want to take advantage of such a ruler...

Edit: An Iron Throne sounds nice. Make it out of the swords of our enemies!

'*This message menaces with spikes of crayon*

edited 4th Apr '14 1:29:07 PM by Bladebound

Durza's Log, 266

Granite 11th: The iron throne has been finished. It is not conveniently located above any form of sorcerous star, but it is right beside the new lever for PSYKER for easy feeding of the Emperor. I've also started linking the spikes to the new lever.

Work on HELLFIRE is going pitifully slowly, mostly because the only person I can convince to dig is five years old. I have permitted him to join the order of Mooks as reward for his diligence.

Slate 22nd: Geshud Kikrostam the child has been taken by a fey mood.

18th: Some elves have arrived. I shall flip a coin to decide whether they survive or not.

19th: We have no coins. I feel the best solution to this is to default to murder.

22nd: Geshud has begun a mysterious construction.

Spring is boring. Also, the framerate is hovering somewhere between 10 and 30 most of the time.

We had very few butchers, their time was largely spent disposing of garbage, and what butchering time they had was spent cleaving through rabbits. At least the cats could all be caged safely.

Speaking of animals, how many puppies do we have? Will their value as pets and in combat mitigate their drop in overall efficiency?

We have eleven puppies and eight dogs. I'm not sure how much they impact the frame rate, but it wouldn't be as bad as all these cats we have.

Felsite 26th: Geshud has created Alronukosh, a giant magpie bone grate. It has a picture of a dwarf smashing a goblin's eye on it. I applaud his patriotism.

Jawmetal has been looking strange lately, so I've sacrificed a few babies to get everything looking the way it should again.

Hematite 18th: The elven survivors have finally taken the hint and left.

Malachite 23rd: Litast Rirnolmeng the metalsmith has been possessed.

Galena 3rd: He has finished Remiklist, an adamantine crossbow. I do not intend to punish him for this.

11th: The human merchants have arrived. Since I still haven't found a coin, I guess we'll have to revert to default again.

17th: A goblin army has arrived. Among them is a troll who apparently works as a clothier when he's not killing people or getting shaved by goblins. Perhaps he shaves himself and makes the clothes from that to save time?

18th: It turns out that everyone in Viha's squad apart from himself was sleeping, eating or drinking when I sent them out to fight, so Viha arrived alone and promptly got shot in the elbow from behind, which somehow made him lose his axe, shield and crutch. In any case, Viha XI is in mint condition and fully armoured, so that should be the last time he dies this year.

Journal of Viha Kirbonium XI

High Judicator of the Ordo Possideo

I've found the hidden personal journal that Viha VII, the creator of this Order stashed away. This Durza guy is bad news, but I can't do anything with him as Emperor Regent. Hell, I even found the Possideo journal log he was in the middle of writing before his dubious "death of old age", and forth it reads:

"The God-Emperor is struck down. This bodes ill for the fortress, and I'd wager my axe that Durza is behind this, especially after anointing himself Emperor Regent. My only wish is that one of my successors drives a blade into his plans. If he attempts to incarcerate you, struggle. If he attempts to torture you, piss in the seat. If he attempts to have you executed, break the bonds holding your wrists, find a way to cost him more. The public is still behind us, even if we've no one in the Inner Circle to rely o"

We must spend time marshalling our resources and honing our blades. One day, my family, the rightful God-Emperor, and everyone who has been unjustly murdered by that monster will pay. I've in the meantime, ordered several of the people who contributed to the LAVA project be crucified upside down and burned alive; I need to relax and take my mind off things. Wonder why my head hurts. Probably means it's time for another tankard of mead. Either that, or time to piss on one of the unlucky LAVA workers I found. Either way, it'll be pleasurable all around.

"Si non fractum, non reficiat."

edited 7th Apr '14 8:20:02 AM by vihaKirbonium

I think you mean successors, not predecessors.

Good catch.

And pissing in the seat probably does no good against torture. The guy has so many minions he probably has the piss boy from History of the World Part 1's France as his personal servant.

Any amount of resistance, no matter how small.

Surely urinating in the chair you're being tortured in would only worsen your position?

The scribe of the Glorious God-Emperor does record the words of Emperor Regent Lord High Inquisitor Durza, Guardian of Jawmetal, Master of the Order of the Pick, Warden of the Golden Throne, Arrester of the Usurper, Not a Demon, Wielder of Isetholum Ushul Atrid and Commander of Mooks:

26th of Galena: Are you finally finished with the titles? All right then. So, a goblin turned up, stuffed Prince Bladebound, the Second of his name- don't you dare start adding titles on to that- into a bag and tried to escape with him. Fortunately, the squads were still spread out after the invasion, so I was able to catch the thief and show him the error of his ways. The Prince-no!- seems none the worse for wear, but since he likes tin, barrels and longland beer, I gave him a tin barrel full of longland beer that should have him feeling better in no time. Afterwards, this scribe person turned up and started adding titles onto everything. He seems interested in looking around our fortress, so I've brought him to look at our MAGMA project- no, look closer- but he still hasn't seen the incredibly thing that requires you to lean above the magma in an incredibly vulnerable position to see- look, it's there! You still can't see it? Maybe you just need a closer look...

Journal of Viha Kirbonium XI, High Judicator of Ordo Possideo, The Shaft of Deep Reckoning

26 Galena

The usurper has taken the young Scribe, Hope of Nations to observe work on the MAGMA project, which is no doubt a demonic "sacrifice-everything" tool. The voices who claim to be the last ten Vihas are saying that simply shooting the young Writer, Slayer of Demons in the neck with a heavy repeating crossbow several times and letting him tumble into Armok's embrace below would somehow help things. Hopefully the hellspawn doesn't notice the arrows that may miss.

Later:

Didn't work. The little Bastard, He Who Would Lead Us From Tribulation, wouldn't **just krutzing lean forward**. I've given the Ordo orders to round up the latest batch of fdemon possession cases and crucify the Hell out of them. Quite literally. It's cute how they protest that they're not possessed, but that's exactly what a demon would say!

"Si non fractum, non reficiat."

edited 7th Apr '14 11:27:47 AM by vihaKirbonium

'*This message menaces with spikes of crayon.*

From the journal of Prince Bladebound the Second:

Galena 26th: Uncle Durza is the bestest and brightest person I know! He lets me stay up late and doesn't care which colour I use when signing papers! I don't even have to read them!

'*On the back of the paper is a picture of an eight-pointed star. On the back of the paper is a picture of the Regent, Durza. On the back of the paper is a picture of several vihas. Durza is sacrificing the vihas. The vihas are screaming out in agony. The image details the many suspicious deaths happening to the vihas when Durza was giving orders.

On the back of the paper is a picture of dwarves. The dwarves are on fire.

On the back of the paper is a picture of Prince Bladebound and Regent Durza. Durza is pulling Bladebound's strings. Bladebound is happily doodling. The image is thought to detail the future of Jawmetal.*

edited 7th Apr '14 3:57:28 PM by Bladebound

I love how one of Durza's titles is Not A Demon.

Condorito was happy. Things were proceeding QUITE according to plan.

He held in his hands the pinnacle of his profession. A single vial that glowed with its own inner blue light. Tears fell lightly down his cheeks. Phase Negative Two was in place.

And then Tuefel went nuts and killed half the fort in a fit of rage and madness.